Her head ached intensely and her eyes were swollen from the tears the next morning.

She wasn't sure what hurt more- being toyed with by Bill or losing Severus's friendship. Seeing Bill and being with him had reawakened her feelings. She knew it was becoming a cycle and she knew she could never let it happen again. Bill knew very well her feelings for him and he played with them as if she meant nothing to him, not even as friends. She felt so stupid...

And then there was Severus. When she thought about her friends, he was the first one to come to mind. They had grown so close in the months they had been sleeping together. It wasn't about the sex, though the distraction was wonderful. She was terrified that he would never speak to her again, that she would never have his company again. She felt she had done him wrong by sleeping with Bill and he was obviously very angry about it, despite them never discussing monogaminity.

She didn't feel herself when she went to the Burrow that morning, Mrs. Weasley had owled her, informing her that she had left her scarf there. When she arrived, she felt unusually lightheaded and stuffy after Apparating. Perhaps it was because she had been crying all night.

She was ushered inside from the cold by Molly. The house was empty since everyone had gone to work, and Gwen herself was on her way. But Mrs. Weasley was staring at her curiously. Gwen felt panic rush through her veins. Surely Mrs. Weasley didn't know…

"You don't look well, dear," the matron said, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," the girl insisted, wrapping her scarf around her. She just wanted to leave. She couldn't stand to be in this house, this awful, awful in house in which her memories with Bill tainted every crevice.

Mrs. Weasley put her hand on her forehead. "You're burning up!" she cried. She suddenly pulled the scarf off of Gwendolyn. "You're not going anywhere!"

"Mrs. Weasley, I have to go to work-"

"No! Sit down!" Gwen sat down on the couch immediately, irritated and upset and was now extremely angry that she had a fever. Why did she have to go get a fever? Why was she so stupid? She felt the tears coming and started coughing violently. Mrs. Weasley hurried over and gave her something to drink and Gwen was very soon asleep on the sofa.

XXXXXXXXX

For the next few days she slept in a spare bedroom at the Burrow while Mrs. Weasley tended to her. She had no say in the matter and she felt too dizzy to walk very far. She was ill, fading in and out of sleep all day and night. She faintly remembered hearing Mrs. Weasley say that it was due to all the stress Gwen had been under. Her body just couldn't take it anymore.

She dreamed vividly, but not of Bill. Her dreams were plagued by Severus Snape and she could scarcely distinguish her dreams from reality. She would see him in her sleep, convinced it was real, and wake up to find it not so, only to fall asleep again. They were together in the dungeons, on the Astronomy Tower, in Grimmauld Place, in Knockturn Alley. She traveled the world with him in her dreams.

He appeared in the doorway of her room in one dream, merely looking at her silently. He nodded at someone else, then vanished. She felt Mrs. Weasley help her sit up and she realized that it was not a dream. She became alert immediately.

"Severus…" she croaked.

"He's just gone, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, pouring something into a goblet for her. "He's brought you your medicine."

Gwen was still rather confused. She was light headed from sitting up. This was the first time she had felt truly awake in a while. "Medicine?"

"Yes, dear. This ought to clear you right up. Took two days to get it." Mrs. Weasley didn't sound pleased. "But here you go. Now drink the whole thing quickly- it tastes rather foul from my memory of it." Gwen winced as she took the goblet, staring at the murky liquid. She took a tentative sip. It tasted like peppermint candy.

XXXXXXXXXX

By that evening, she was able to get out of bed and go home. She thanked Mrs. Weasley profoundly for taking such good care of her and nursing her back to health. Though she had stayed at the Burrow for so long, she had not seen Bill or Fleur or anyone except Mrs. Weasley and Severus Snape.

She thought about her current situation. She was less heartbroken now than furious with Bill. She wanted nothing to do with him. She hated him, though she loved him, and she was determined to get rid of any thought of him.

Her dreams of Snape made her determined to make up with him. Perhaps he didn't hate her as she thought he did. After all, he did give her the potion that healed her. He wouldn't have done such a thing if he disliked her that horribly. Unless, of course, Dumbledore had forced him. Which was probable. But the constant wondering was torturous. So, she decided to try something.

Severus,

I wanted to thank you for the potion you brought to the Burrow for me. It cured me completely and I am feeling better than ever.

I don't know how you feel, but as it is your birthday on Friday, I thought we ought to celebrate. Come to my flat at 8 if you're interested.

Best wishes,

Gwendolyn

She read it over a few times. Perhaps it was too formal? Then again, how friendly could she be? What if he tore it up? Or burned it? Well, she wouldn't know until she tried. Terrified, she sent the owl on its way, wondering if Severus could still call her a friend.

If he didn't show up, then she had her answer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She stood in her kitchen, anxiously running her hands through her short brown locks. She adjusted her glasses and smoothed out her red dress every few minutes. She kept glancing at the clock and playing with the ring on her finger. It was nearly eight.

What if he didn't come? He hadn't written back.

She was extremely nervous. She could easily imagine Severus tearing up her note. He was not easy to forgive.

But what if he did come? How would it be? What if he only came to tell her he didn't want to be her friend anymore? Would he really waste his time doing that?

8:03. Her heart sank to her stomach and she sat at her kitchen table. One of Snape's greater qualities was promptness. He wasn't coming.

Maybe she was wrong. After all, three minutes late was nothing. But then it was 8:08. Then 8:10. By 8:15 she could go no longer keep pretending he would be arriving at her front door.

She was wallowing in her despair at losing her friend when the doorbell rang.

Severus…

She was tempted to run, but she knew he would hear her high heels clicking quickly against the wooden floor from outside. So she contained herself and walked casually over to the door. She flung it open, like a child opening a present. And there he was, in black dress robes and all. She smiled.

"Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," he said, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. She moved out of the way so he could step in. "So this is the flat you don't let men see?" Gwen grinned. They were friends again.

"Indeed," she said with a smirk. "It's rather top secret. You should be honored."

"I am." She gestured for him to sit and she sat beside him.

"Well," she started slowly. "I'm not exactly sure what we ought to do." He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I wasn't sure you would come," she explained.

"I would've been on time, but Dumbledore… delayed me." He made a face. He seemed so irritated by Dumbledore lately. She was going to question it, but thought otherwise. What on earth could they do that didn't involve learning or sex?

"Are you opposed to the idea of going out somewhere?" she asked hopefully.

He became extremely serious. "You know we cannot be seen together in public, Gwendolyn. Dangerous events nearly occurred when an acquaintance of Lucius Malfoy's saw us in Diagon Alley."

"You never told me what happened," she said, surprised. She had thought it resulted into nothing and felt rather guilty.

He smirked. "Before Lucius… fell out of the Dark Lord's good graces, he felt rather threatened by me. He was the Dark Lord's favorite and felt I was attempting to usurp his position."

"Were you?" She was filled with curiosity. Severus never really spoke about his life on the other side.

"Not in the slightest," he assured her. "I already had favor with the Dark Lord. My position has always been invaluable. Lucius… maliciously suggested bringing up the event in Diagon Alley with him."

"And what did you do?" The reporter in her was showing. But she didn't really care. Severus's role as a spy was infinitely interesting and mysterious.

"I told him to do so if he pleased, but it was no matter to me," Snape said, giving a thin smile at her obvious interest. "Lucius never brought it up again. But I don't know how the Dark Lord would have reacted if he had."

"But we ate lunch together in Hogsmeade last September," she countered. "Why was that okay?"

"You are my former student and a young, naive-" She made a face. "-member of the Order of the Phoenix. Obviously, I am trying to gain your trust and get as much information out of you as possible. Your status as an Order member was not known when Lucius saw us in Diagon Alley. Now, should someone question our lunch together in September, I have a much better reason to have been seen with you. But going out for dinner, dressed like this? Too many questions, too many assumptions." There was a finality in his tone.

She felt disappointed, knowing that he was right. They couldn't go to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade together. But…

"What about Muggle London?" she asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up with excitement. She hadn't been there in what felt like ages.

"What about it?"

"Nobody would see us there," she assured him. "It's a Friday night and I'm sure no friend of Lucius Malfoy's would go to Muggle London." She grinned mischievously.

He seemed hesitant. She knew she was being rather childish. Risking Severus's position within the Death Eaters for a night out wasn't worth it. But she had a feeling within herself that they wouldn't be caught.

"We don't have to stay long. I have Muggle money- we can go to dinner and then come right back home!" She took his hand, to which he nearly flinched. They rarely touched outside of sex. "Please, Severus. I take all of my friends to Muggle London. Isn't the best place to hide in plain sight?"

He sighed and looked into her eyes. His eyes were black as night, the exact opposite of Bill's bright blue. But she could not compare Severus to Bill. They were from two different universes, it seemed. He finally muttered a "fine" to Gwen's utter glee.

"But," he said, interrupting her cheers of excitement. "You must tell me why you love Muggle London so much, of all places." Her face immediately fell.

XXXXXXXXX

Her mother had always been very close with her, her father not so much. Her father was a stoic, distant, and quiet man who didn't seem to care much for anything or anyone. Her mother was lively and lovely and friendly. She loved to read and learn and instilled a curiosity in her daughter that was never satisfied. Gwendolyn never understood how two people like that could get married.

It was her fourth year, Christmas holidays. Her mother met her at the train station and told her that they were going to London that night. Gwendolyn put on her favorite dress and she and her mother ventured into Muggle London. They ate at a restaurant and danced and danced. The night was still vivid in Gwendolyn's mind, just as vibrant and bright as it had really been. They returned home around midnight.

Gwen woke up the next morning and went to the sitting room to see a lot of her mother's pictures and trinkets were gone. Confused, she went to find her mother, but she was nowhere to be found. In fact, there was nothing in the house that showed she had ever lived there at all! She and her father looked and looked but her mother wasn't there. She had left, leaving behind nothing but a Claddagh ring and a daughter.

Gwen knew her parents had been fighting, but she didn't think things were that bad. She didn't hate her mother for leaving- she hated her father for making her mother unhappy. Her parents legally divorced while Gwen was at school. She never saw her mother again.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"And you never went to look for her?" Severus asked, as they sat in a restaurant in London.

"A bit, after I graduated," she said, feeling rather melancholy. She rarely ever told people that story. She was almost going to tell Sirius that story that day before they went into battle, but she didn't. Maybe another day, she had thought. There hadn't been another day. "She could be anywhere."

"Have you ever tried a Locating Spell? Or even just contacting her?" Gwen was very surprised at how interested in her story Severus was. Maybe he actually did care about somethings.

"The Locating Spell doesn't work and she doesn't respond to any owls." She shrugged and toyed with the little ring on her finger. "She's either dead or doesn't want to be found, so I ought to leave her alone." She considered telling him more, about how she still loved her mother and how that night in London was the memory she used for her Patronus. She wanted to tell him about the emotional struggle she went through, how Bill Weasley had been there in her time of need and that was why it hurt so horribly to have him do such things to her. But Severus certainly wouldn't want to hear that. "But enough about me," she said with a smile. "Let's hear about you."

He made a face. "What, exactly?"

"Tell me about why you became a Death Eater."

He seemed a bit taken aback that she had asked such a question and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"There are a lot of factors that went into that," he said slowly, as if he was trying to decide which factors to reveal to her. She suddenly felt a wave of nervousness rush over her, not sure if she really wanted to know. It had taken her a bit of time to see her professor as a good man after learning of his past.

"I suppose it began with the fact that I'm a dark wizard," he said matter-of-factly.

"What? You weren't always one though."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you're qualified to make such a statement. Ever since I was a child I knew I was a dark wizard."

"How do you just… know something like that?' she asked, dumbfounded. She had never heard of such a thing!

"Gwendolyn, when you picked up your wand chose you, you felt a surge of magic through you- a certain pulsing light, did you not?" She considered it and nodded. "I did not. I felt it. The darkness. I'm a dark wizard. I've always been fascinated with the Dark Arts."

"So you wanted to be part of a band of other dark wizards?" He smiled slightly.

"In a sense, yes. But I suppose I've also always been a bit too ambitious for my own good. Lucius Malfoy approached me when I was fifteen, talking of power and wealth. It was rather appealing."

"Fifteen?" She was surprised. "Making such a choice at that young age?"

"There are sixteen year old Death Eaters at Hogwarts now, Gwendolyn," he said seriously. "As there are Order members."

"So you became a Death Eater when you were sixteen?" she asked and he nodded. "I think it's rather funny. Dumbledore's favorite was a Death Eater." Snape smirked.

"I'm his favorite because I am the Dark Lord's favorite. And vice versa."

"So you've been a Death Eater for... twenty one years?" she asked and he nodded. She nearly flinched at how much this conversation sounded like an interview. "Giving your life away at sixteen... I was so dumb when I was sixteen!" she exclaimed, thinking back on all the stupid things she had done.

"As was I," he said softly and she smiled sadly and touched his hand slightly across the table.

"Well," she whispered. "I think you've most certainly rectified your mistakes." He looked at her in a way she had never seen from him before, her hand still on his. She wasn't sure what would have happened if the food hadn't arrived at that moment.

XXXXXXXXX

They left the restaurant after they had eaten and were walking around on the streets of London. It was 10:30 and Gwen felt it was much too early to go back to Hogwarts- even though she had promised such. The streets were packed and the lights shined brightly and brilliantly and Gwen fell in love with the city as she did almost every time she visited.

She wanted to go to a bar she used to frequent with her group of friends from work, so they were on their way. They passed a man playing La Vie en Rose on a cornet in front of a park and Gwen tossed a coin into his case.

"Why did you do that?" Snape asked, glancing back at the musician as they walked away.

"He was playing for money," she said simply.

"I know that," he muttered. "But you didn't have to give anything, so why did you?" The song grew fainter in the distance.

She shrugged. "I like the song," she said, reflecting on when Remus would play the Louis Armstrong record at Grimmauld Place while Sirius sang drunkenly. "And I admire people who go after things they love." Snape said nothing but seemed to fall deep into thought.

XXXXXXX

It was midnight when they left the bar and Gwen was rather drunk. She adored sidecars and hadn't had one in ages- so she decided to drink plenty. She had even managed to get Severus a bit on the intoxicated side as well, which she found extremely amusing.

They were walking again and Gwen found it so funny that they couldn't Apparate home, so she burst into fits of laughter, to which Severus called her annoying. Both too drunk to really care, they continued walking around the big, endless city when they came across a man with a polaroid camera, taking pictures of couples as they passed for a couple of pounds. Snape quickly grasped her wrist and tried pulling her away, but she pulled away from him in pain from the pressure.

"Ouch! Why'd you do that?" she snapped, feeling slightly dizzy now.

"We need to go," he said, sounding much soberer than she.

"Why?" she protested, looking over at the man. The flashing light from the camera attracted her and she grinned. "I like the lights."

"No, we need to leave," he said, sounding earnest, but Gwendolyn wouldn't hear of it. The camera man had already noticed them.

"I want the lights!" she said, feeling drunk. The man came over to them.

"Picture of the lovely couple?" he asked, flashing a smile. He had the voice of a man at a fair. Step right up, step right up!

"Yes!"

"No!" Snape said, staring the man down with his cold, black eyes.

"The lady wants a picture," the man said, obviously used to such behavior. "Do it for the lady!"

"Yeah!" Gwen agreed, laughing drunkenly again. She could see Severus was a bit too drunk for thinking very much, just as she was. He didn't say anything, so Gwen took his silence as a yes and flung her arms around him. Snape tensed a little at her touch and Gwen beamed a smile at the camera as it flashed. Lights…

The man handed Severus the photo and Gwen gave the man the money. The man was walking away when his camera disintegrated into thin air. "HEY!" the man shouted, causing a few people to look at him. But the man suddenly looked rather confused and walked away aimlessly into the night. Gwen looked over at Severus who seemed rather pleased. When he felt her eyes on him, he offered her the small photo, but she shook her head.

"Keep it," she said, smiling dazedly. "It's your birthday." She yawned and felt sleepiness wash over her.

"We ought to go back," he said quietly, tucking the photo into his pocket. "But I don't trust you or myself to Apparate."

Gwen considered this, looking into the distance. The city was so beautiful. The night was sparkling with a sort of magic she had never experienced. "Grimmauld Place isn't very far," she said wistfully and he nodded.

There was a flower vendor on a street corner near Sirius's house. The man was showing a group of obviously drunk girls some daisies.

"Why on earth is there a flower vendor at 1 in the morning?" He asked incredulously. She giggled and looked over at the flowers.

"I don't like flowers. They smell like sadness. Except forget-me-nots."

"Wouldn't those smell more like sadness? Aren't they supposed to remind people of those they miss?"

"Yes," she said, her voice melancholy and soft. "But they have a sense of hope to them. I think they're to remind someone that the one they miss is coming back. You never see forget-me-nots on graves."

He looked at her again for a moment with the same look he had given her in the restaurant, but it disappeared rather quickly.

XXXXXXXXX

They arrived at Grimmauld Place for the first time since Sirius had died. Gwen cautiously crept into the house that so often haunted her dreams. Echoes of the past floated around her. Sirius's barking laughter rang through the hall along with Remus's jazz records. Mrs. Weasley's spaghetti was smelling wonderful and she wondered when dinner would be ready. Tonks ran to greet her but crashed into a table. She felt Severus's hand on her shoulder and the house went dark, silent, and empty again. The air smelled of musk and the past.

She glanced into the sitting room. It looked exactly how it had looked the day Sirius died. Her drunkenness was making her feel rather sentimental- more so than usual. But she knew, despite her addled mind, that Severus would not appreciate hearing about the group of friends he disliked so terribly. It was his birthday after all…. Even though it was one in the morning now.

They went up to her room and her hand touched the dusty handrail. Mrs. Weasley would have gone mad. They reached the bedroom and Gwen was in awe at how untouched it was. Her comb was on the dresser and she hurried over to the closet. Her spare clothes were inside. "I never bothered to come back for any of it," she said softly in awe. She looked in the bathroom and saw her favorite strawberry shampoo, rather old now, on the floor. She turned to Snape. "Nothing's changed here" She turned to him. "I want something that won't ever change," she whispered, approaching him. Sadness filled her heart and the alcohol made it hard to suppress. "Something besides this dusty old house."

"There is nothing like that," he said, his voice sounding empty. "Not even this house is the same."

"I know," her voice cracked. She wanted to cry. He leaned down to kiss her, to distract her from the sorrow she was feeling. It was working. It always worked.

When they were finished, Gwen rolled over to go to sleep, feeling the absolute exhaustion overwhelm her. She felt the bed shift and Severus was next to her, his arms around her waist. She molded herself to fit into his arms and slowly drifted to sleep.