Chapter 6: A Guilty Conscience
-.-.-.-
"In a dark place we find ourselves, and a little more knowledge lights our way... Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future." —Yoda
-.-.-.-
One whose path has taken a new turn is often initially disoriented. But as time passes, and the path continues steadily in its new direction, there is a tendency to believe that it will remain so forever, with no further turns.
Nothing is further from the truth.
-.-.-.-
Commodore Faro stared at Thrawn's desk. Her left hand held her right wrist behind her back. Her right hand was clinched tightly, knuckles lightening with tension.
Faro was alone in the turmoil of her own thoughts, standing amid the duplicity of battle's carnage and pristinely untouched art.
A place of Thrawn's measured order now reflected chaos in the wake of Vader's malice. Faro never fully realized before this moment how deeply she treasured that order. Thrawn himself represented order… safety... that the Empire didn't provide before being assigned to his command.
A tear escaped her eye. She let it rest there on her cheek as she considered the communication console on Thrawn's desk. Her eyes narrowed and became unfocused as she remembered Vader's words.
"Let what you see here be a lesson."
Fear gripped her, and a shiver ran down her spine. Images of Thrawn helpless on the ground and the sound of him struggling for air flashed unwillingly into her mind. She closed her eyes and repressed the flashback.
Faro felt helpless… stuck. She breathed slowly… deeply… She needed to bring her anxiety under control.
She swiped and patted at her face with both hands. She held them there against her face a moment and then rubbed her eyes. The tears were wiped away. She took a deep breath and mentally steeled herself. Vader still had a role for her to play. For the sake of the crew, …and loyalty to the Empire…, she would carry out the order… and obey.
Faro raised her chin, leaned over and pressed a button on the desk. She returned her hands behind her back and stood straight.
"Begin ship-wide transmission," Faro said. A beeping trill sounded, indicating the channel was open.
-.-.-.-
Darkness—muffled voices—confusion—
Open. Your. Eyes.
Harsh light—darkness—harsh light—darkness—
Open. Your. Eyes.
A rushing sense of movement—a familiar voice—emotion—
"…is Commodore Faro… A terrible incident has…"
Open. Your. Eyes.
A sudden twist—CRACK—alien patterns and forms emitting control—
Unfocused turmoil binding into the ability to concentrate—
Open. Your. Eyes.
Focus—
A rushing ceiling overhead—lights passing...blurry—
Eyes. Open.
Ears ringing—blank white helmets looking down—
Sight. Failing.
Darkness—
Zahara tried to keep pace with the First Legion. She carried the mechanical ventilator and leaned over Grand Admiral Thrawn. He was being rushed by Commander Kimmund on a hovering gurney toward an awaiting shuttle in the hangar bay. The endotracheal tube was still secure in his mouth and down his throat with the tape extending around him, giving him life. She saw small flashes of Thrawn's red eyes as he attempted to open them.
The First Legion escorted them down metallic corridors of the Chimaera. Lord Vader led the way. Thrawn was covered with a blanket that stretched up to the top of his chest. Kimmund wondered if Vader wanted the blanket there as a show to cover wounds implied by Faro's address to the ship. Crew members gasped and muttered their surprise upon their passing.
Faro's speech continued to address the ship. It was evident in her tone that she struggled with her emotion, as should be expected upon a superior officer being injured. However Kimmund knew a layer of her emotion contained apprehension about fulfilling the cover story ordered by Vader. Kimmund couldn't blame her…
"Grand Admiral Thrawn has been severely injured in an assassination attempt— as a result of his Sentinel Droids being reprogrammed by rebels— as such, all Sentinel Droids will be pulled from service and evaluated."
Vader turned a corner and Kimmund maneuvered around more crew members. They too gasped in surprise. "Oh no…" "The Grand Admiral…" "He looks bad…"
"The Grand Admiral is being transferred aboard the ISD Devastator for rapid transport to Coruscant medical facilities as I speak," Faro said as she continued her address to the Chimaera. "Meanwhile the Chimaera must make haste to Lothal— to eliminate this rebellion against the Empire. Expect a jump to hyperspace within the hour."
Faro took a breath. "Further updates will be forthcoming. Commodore Faro, out."
Faro pressed the comm button and ended the ship-wide transmission.
It was silent. She stood there in the company of her thoughts once again.
Her lip quivered as she began to realize the gravity of what she had just done. She had just facilitated the smooth exit of Grand Admiral Thrawn off the Chimaera, took command of his ship and lied to her crew with a cover-story. She knew she would never see Thrawn again.
Faro couldn't dwell on that now and allow her emotions to fully betray her quite yet. She turned to make her way out of Thrawn's office and exit the suite. She moved carefully as debris littered the floor. The air still smelt of the acrid stench of burnt plastoid mixed with the remains of chemically dipped and sterile medical supplies. She stepped over the carnage as she made her way out.
Faro walked through the door but stopped in mild surprise. She found the two Death Troopers were waiting for her on either side of the entrance. They both picked up their E11-D Blaster Rifles from parade-rest and turned toward her. They waited.
Faro looked at them, surprised they were still there. But then she remembered she was the commanding officer of the Chimaera now. She considered them for a moment and mentally recoiled at the thought of her face most likely showing evidence of her emotion and anxiety. For all they understood though, she was merely troubled after witnessing Thrawn injured by his own Sentinel Droids.
Faro nodded at them, mustering together what she could of an outward presence of Imperial leadership.
"With me," Faro said, and she began walking. The Death Troopers followed, flanking her stride loyally down the corridors of the Chimaera, heading back to the bridge.
-.-.-.-
Stormtrooper Commander Ayer waited for them outside their shuttle in the Chimaera's hangar bay. He stood with four additional stormtroopers under his command. The hangar bay doors hissed open. Vader, followed by his First Legion, walked through the entrance.
Ayer saw Grand Admiral Thrawn unconscious on a repulser gurney, covered up to his shoulders with a blanket. Commander Kimmund was pushing the gurney, and Zahara stayed right next to Thrawn holding a machine connected to a breathing tube. The Grand Admiral looked helpless.
This was the first time Ayer saw the Grand Admiral since receiving orders to ensure his safety… Guilt and regret gripped him. He had failed— or was never given a chance to succeed. Either way, he failed Grand Admiral Thrawn.
Ayer stepped forward. He met the group a few steps away from the shuttle. Vader saw him walk forward and stopped, putting his hands on his belt. Kimmund, Zahara and the First Legion paused their advance.
Vader and Ayer stood a few paces from each other, considering one another. Crew members in the hangar bay nearby watched. Ayer's expressionless helmet moved from the Dark Lord to the group behind him. Tension held the air.
In one smooth movement, Ayer secured his blaster to his armor and removed his helmet, his gaze transfixed on the unconscious form of Grand Admiral Thrawn as it appeared from underneath the helmet. His eyes spoke conflict. He was nearly shaking, aghast, while also maintaining proper Imperial ceremony required of his station as Stormtrooper Commander of the Chimaera.
He cradled his helmet under his left arm after a moment, and his gaze flicked to Zahara. He quickly noted her worried and widened eyes. He then beheld Lord Vader.
"Lord Vader," Ayer said, nodding his head. "A new shuttle has been prepared for you for departure. I merely wish to see the Grand Admiral off."
Vader searched through the Force. He felt a strong sense of loyalty, sense of duty… regret and… a dread of failure emitting from the Commander.
Vader slowly moved aside with measured steps.
"Very well," Vader said. "Quickly."
"Thank you my lord," Ayer said. He stepped forward and held Zahara's gaze as he approached over the short distance. His eyes silently asked her of Thrawn's status. Zahara's held apprehension and caution; she didn't speak, as if she were afraid.
Ayer stopped in front of her beside the gurney, considering the fear in her eyes. Why are you afraid? His eyes narrowed, and he looked down at Thrawn. He placed his right hand on the Grand Admiral's shoulder and grimaced. His eyes followed the path of the breathing tube from the ventilator Zahara held, to the tube protruding from Thrawn's mouth. He saw how it was taped securely around his jawline and behind his upper neck.
The stoic Stormtrooper Commander shivered as he watched Thrawn's chest rise and fall to the rhythm of the mechanical ventilator. He glanced over Thrawn's unconscious form hidden underneath the blanket. Ayer remembered Faro's address to the ship and realized horrible wounds must be covered up.
But then Ayer rose his scan and saw the wounds on Thrawn's neck. Could Sentinel Droids cause such an injury? Ayer remembered Vader using his power on him previously… How it felt to gasp for air but be unable satisfy his lungs because of an invisible Force pressed upon his neck…
Ayer took a deep and unsure breath. Had something similar happened to his Grand Admiral? While he stood outside his door... and let it happen...
His thoughts raced in conflict, as his jaw flexed. He blinked slowly and rose his steely gaze to Commander Kimmund. Kimmund said nothing and made no indication to address Ayer. He merely held the railing to the repulser gurney, hidden behind his stormtrooper armor.
Ayer's gaze held judgment and anger. Kimmund's helmet stared back, expressionless.
Ayer stood up straight and placed his right hand behind his back. He glanced down at his Grand Admiral once more. His face flashed between anger, regret and guilt. He steeled himself and turned away to face Lord Vader.
"Thank you— for taking care of him, Lord Vader," Ayer said, a glint in his eye.
Vader felt the undertone of accusation. He should have eliminated Ayer when he had the chance in the corridor, but strategically could not now as the cover-story and Imperial spectacle had to be maintained. They stood there glaring at each other, and Vader's malice grew from behind his helmet. He knew the Stormtrooper Commander could be trouble.
"Commander Kimmund, prepare for our departure," Vader said.
"Yes, my lord," Kimmund said. He pushed the repulser gurney carrying Thrawn passed an unmoving Ayer. Zahara glanced at Ayer with her apprehensive eyes as she walked forward carrying the ventilator. Ayer's eyes narrowed in return as he stood alone unable to do anything as they left him where he stood.
The First Legion followed Kimmund, but Zahara stopped at the ramp. She reluctantly gave Tephan the mechanical ventilator.
Ayer watched from his place on the hangar deck, the First Legion and Thrawn disappear into the shuttle. He moved his gaze back to an unmoved Lord Vader still staring at him.
"Chief Medical Officer Zahara Cody isn't going with you?" Ayer said.
"My Star Destroyer has its own Chief Medical Officer," Vader said. "Grand Admiral Thrawn will be taken care of."
Ayer felt apprehensive at the edge to Vader's words. But he knew he couldn't act or protest on his worry for the sake of the ship, and most likely for the sake of his own life. He merely nodded at the Dark Lord with his eyes piercing through the thick tension in the air. Zahara, with the four stormtroopers from the Chimaera, walked back to stand in a line beside him. She kept her eyes downward. The shuttle's engines began to roar as their startup sequence began.
Vader watched Stormtrooper Commander Ayer another moment, as if hoping he would protest a challenge. Give the Dark Lord a reason to deal with the Commander… But the Dark Lord turned and walked up the ramp. Vader disappeared inside as the ramp closed behind him.
Ayer glanced at Zahara, now standing beside him. Her eyes still focused on the floor, and she took in a shaky breath. Ayer saw and felt her desire to be on that shuttle with Thrawn. Her breathing increased as the shuttle lifted from the tarmac. Zahara broke away from her fright and gazed up to watch the shuttle. Her brow furrowed, but dared not look at Ayer for fear of her emotions betraying her.
It was then that Ayer knew something deeper and terrible had happened. He turned his head and watched the shuttle pass through the hangar bay shield with dread and anger.
-.-.-.-
Commodore Faro stood alone in front of the main viewport on the Chimaera's bridge. Her shoulders were squared, feet firmly planted and hands clasped behind her back. She watched the ISD Devastator slowly move forward and bank slightly to its left.
"Commodore Faro," a navigation officer said. "The jump to Lothal is almost locked. Just a moment and the Chimaera will be able to jump."
Faro kept her gaze on Vader's Star Destroyer. "Very well Lieutenant. Inform me once the calculations are complete."
"Aye Commodore."
The bridge quietly carried out their tasks. However a dread lingered in the air. Faro felt it, dwelled in it and was trying to overcome it. Every crew member on the bridge felt the absence of Grand Admiral Thrawn.
Vader's Star Destroyer continued to gain distance at impulse speed, it's brilliant blue engines carrying the vessel away. After a moment, the Devastator reached an acceptable distance from the Chimaera and vectored toward a new heading. Under other circumstances it would be considered a beautiful sight, watching a Star Destroyer maneuver in such a way so closely.
Faro watched as the engines flashed. The light suddenly shifted around the Devastator and the Star Destroyer flashed into hyperspace, leaving the Chimaera behind.
Faro took a deep breath. Her gaze lingered on the spot where the Devastator disappeared. Where Thrawn disappeared…
She then scanned the horizon hoping to find the mysterious object that caused such pain and turmoil in the distance once more. It was gone as well, leaving only darkness and tendrils of gaseous nebula beyond the viewport.
"Commodore Faro," the navigation officer said. "Course laid in to Lothal. Awaiting your command sir."
Awaiting your command.
Faro steeled herself and turned around, facing the bridge. She rubbed her wrist that was clasped behind her back as she considered the crew, but mentally recoiled, realizing she had just mimicked one of Thrawn's habits.
"If I may have your attention for a moment," Faro said.
Every crew member on the bridge paused and turned to her. Faro beheld their faces. They spoke of apprehension, worry and loyalty. She hoped her own beheld assurance and leadership. The loyalty that Thrawn had earned of them now stretched toward her. Faro felt guilty and undeserving.
"I'm sure each of you heard my address to the ship earlier," Faro said, containing her emotion. Some of the crew narrowed their eyes in sadness.
"An— incident did occur," Faro continued. "And Grand Admiral Thrawn— gravely injured…"
Her voice trailed off, eyes turning glassy, but she continued to return the crew's gaze. A few gasps emitted from the crew in the pits below, and some officers returned Faro's gaze with a glossiness of their own, realizing the gravity of what happened.
"I have assumed command of the ISD Chimaera. We will— hope— for Grand Admiral Thrawn's quick return."
Lier—
Faro quickly looked down and took a deep breath. She contained her emotions, willing them away, remaining in control only barely.
The Chief Tactical Officer put his hands on his hips and shook his head. The bridge held dread at Faro's words. They knew Faro was holding back the true extent of Thrawn's condition. By her reaction it must be grim...
Faro looked up. "We must continue the mission set before us at Lothal."
"The Rebels will pay for what they have done," the Chief Tactical Officer said.
Faro beheld him a moment.
"Indeed— they will," Faro said. They will pay for something they are not guilty of…
Faro turned to the Navigation Officer. "Helm, to Lothal as soon as possible."
"Helm, Aye. Vectoring to jump to hyperspace."
The Chimaera's engines groaned to life and a quiet hum filled the bridge. It spoke of power. The Star Destroyer began to turn toward the jump vector.
"Estimated time of arrival is about 12 hours, sir," the Navigation Officer said.
"Very good. Lieutenant Lomar," Faro said. "I will be in Grand Admiral Thrawn's office should I be needed. Alert me once we are above Lothal."
"Aye, Commodore," Lieutenant Lomar said.
Faro scanned the bridge.
"Return to your duties," Faro said. She walked down the command walkway toward the exit.
Crew members on the bridge returned to their duties, sounds of buttons and consoles being manipulated filling the air. Faro walked through the doors of the bridge, and they hissed shut behind her. She felt the ship lurch slightly as the hyperdrive powered up.
Clouds of purplish-blue gaseous nebula expanded and flowed in the Chimaera's wake as the Star Destroyer jumped into hyperspace.
"Don't know me anymore
A bell that tolled to comfort me
An empty street
A rising steam
-.-
I walk alone
Beside myself
Nowhere to go."
- Flesh and Bone by Black Math