Chapter 17: A Vision, Familiar Yet...
-.-.-.-
"You cannot lose what is inside you. You can only misplace it. The task, then, is to find it again." —Chirrut Îmwe
-.-.-.-
"A child stolen is a lost hope."
Darkness— Confusion— Anxiety—
Open. Your. Eyes.
Swirlings in the Force— A small shift to awareness—
Ch'itkashn. Veo. G'evoti.
A soft breeze— A simple melody— Peace— Warmth—
Tranquility— Rest—
"Meow…"
Ezra slowly began to emerge from what felt like a deep sleep. He was so comfortable. His back didn't ache, and he felt as though he was at rest in bed after a long day of work. Ezra was at peace.
"Meerroww?"
Ezra grunted and scrunched his face in protest. "Just… five more minutes, Zeb," Ezra mumbled.
Childlike giggles— Soft light— A gentle breeze— A melodious hum—
Open. Your. Eyes.
"Miaowwww…"
Ezra groaned with irritation and threw an elbow over his face. He covered his eyes with his arm, protesting for a few more moments of blissful peace. More sleep, not yet Zeb.
Four little weights suddenly vaulted onto Ezra's chest, and it felt as if a small creature had jumped on top of him.
"Meow!"
Open. Ch'itkashn… Your. Veo… Eyes. G'evoti…
CRACK— Awareness—
Awaken— Vatt'ah ten—
Ezra's blue eyes snapped open, and he startled to find a white loth-cat standing on top of him and insistently looking down at him. A canopy of tree branches swayed delicately in a gentle breeze above.
"Ah!" Ezra gasped in surprise and shot himself up to a seated position. The white loth-cat bounded off his chest just in time, and Ezra patted himself down, breathing heavily and moaning with disoriented adrenaline. "Wha…?"
Ezra was startled to find the stormtrooper disguise gone to be replaced with his familiar yellow collared shirt and orange jacket. He held his hands out before him, trying to shake his confusion and catch his breath. "I… don't understand," he whispered. "How?"
Ezra looked up and was amazed to find himself seated on a forest floor that was peppered with soft leaves and delicate needles shed from the majestic branches above. The fallen flora, along with patches of knee-high golden-green grass, provided the soft bedding upon which Ezra had awoken. He focused on the forest canopy above and felt as if he should recognize these trees. They were familiar and comforting, and the magnetic aura of the space spoke of a warm peace… It beheld a song of restoration…
The soft breeze huffed and rustled the branches. Cone structures on top of the trees produced a unique melody that spread outward along with the current of the wind as far as Ezra could perceive.
"Whoa…," Ezra muttered, his eyes wide and curious. His breathing had nearly returned to a normal cadence, nerves diminishing.
Ezra wasn't entirely sure if the sound the trees made was a memory he held or an entirely new experience. But it was familiar. The breeze stirred up another of Ezra's senses, and a mild aroma enveloped the space around him. His mind teetered upon the edge of memory.
Ezra rose a hand and hovered it over the ground next to him. Why was he hesitant? With inquisitive brow, Ezra reached for a pile of leaves and soft needles beside him and carefully brought a handful of the foliage up to his nose. He breathed in deeply and closed his eyes with the intake of breath. The smell was crisp and carried the notes of the woodland realm around him. Soft fragrances of timber, honeysuckle and tea root invited him to memory.
Ezra opened his eyes and stilled. Old Jho…
Old Jho was an Ithorian barkeeper who owned a cantina on Lothal. The wise and aged Ithorian was a dear friend and a precious treasure to the locals of Capital City. Ezra enjoyed listening to his tales of wisdom and stories of his experiences living on Lothal before Ezra's time.
Old Jho's voice echoed in Ezra's memory.
"I like the one about the spine trees of Pelamir Gorge. I went there often as a juvenile. I remember the sound the wind made in the tree cones and the taste of the root tea. And the crisp smell of the needles in winter."
This was a forest of spine trees! Ezra looked up in amazement. Was this Lothal? Was he home?
His memory of Old Jho's voice, distantly echoed, continued…
"The forests are all cut down now. Turned into mines and machines."
Confusion laced Ezra's brow. This forest was thriving and indeed not touched by the Empire. Or did it triumph despite it?
Where was he?
The wind brought with it another echoed song, and a woman's voice began to dance along with the currents of the breeze. It was a motherly song, as if a mother was singing a lullaby to their child prior to sleep. The melody was soft and inviting, but the words were different. The language was alien and unknown, although the love contained within its tone was undeniable.
A child giggled in the distance, and the mother chuckled in the midst of her words, though maintaining the beautiful song. Ezra smiled.
A soft twinkle of the Force also spoke to Ezra's heart, and his eyes wondered in search of the horizon through the forest of spine trees, scanning for the source of the music. Blue eyes beheld a white glow to his left; however shapes and the object of the glow were hidden and indiscernible through the many trees.
A trilling "meow" sounded next to Ezra, and he averted his eyes from the curious glow and found the white loth-cat staring at him. The creature sat on its haunches, perhaps smiling and its tail flitted about behind it as if the song moved it.
"I… I don't— Where am I?" Ezra asked wistfully. The last thing Ezra remembered was escaping the Star Destroyer, ISD Devastator. How did he get here? Why? "The shuttle …"
"Mrruhh," the white loth-cat trilled as it stood up. The pearly creature trotted toward Ezra and trilled even more to the pounds of its paws upon the forest foliage. It was an adorably innocent whine.
Ezra huffed in amusement despite his disoriented mind and offered a hand to the white loth-cat. The white loth-cat sat down and nuzzled its head to Ezra's hand, and it purred with contentment as Ezra caressed its soft fur.
"You brought me here didn't you." Ezra scratched the chin of the white loth-cat to be met with affectionate purrs and then moved to stand up. He put a hand on the trunk of a spine tree to steady himself, still a little disoriented at the movement within this strange place. It was as if he wasn't quite awake, his mind still foggy and in need of a cup of caf.
The white loth-cat trotted a few paces before Ezra and looked back expectantly. "Rrrroww?"
"You want me to follow?"
The white loth-cat huffed and trotted a few more paces and circled to look back at Ezra. Its gaze was piercing and filled with ancient wisdom.
"Okay…," Ezra said as he began to step forward.
The white loth-cat led him through the dense spine forest, the little creature bounding over spine tree roots sticking out from the ground and various tufts of grass and spine needles. This forest was well established and strong, and Ezra was amazed and comforted to see Lothal blooming to life.
The beautiful song of the mother's unknown lullaby continued to permeate the magnetic atmosphere of the spine forest. It remained a distant echo, dependent upon the strength and pathway of the breeze. An enchanting melody, Ezra stayed alert as he followed the white loth-cat, hoping to discover its source.
A clearing up ahead began to take form where the spine tree forest ceased to expand. The white loth-cat continued in its confident pattering pace, but Ezra stopped at the edge, suddenly unsure. His anxiety rose at what he saw.
Ezra leaned upon a sturdy spine tree and watched the white loth-cat advance beyond the forest boundary toward a figure, standing alone on a small hill amidst short golden-green grass. The figure held the stature of a man, clothed in a black military style uniform, and his back was toward Ezra with his right wrist clasped there in his left hand. Feet stood sturdy underneath him in what appeared to be combat boots, but the design was foreign to Ezra. Alien.
Ezra looked closer and realized the figure's hands were blue, confirming what his heart felt. Ezra's eyes widened. Thrawn.
The white loth-cat reached Thrawn's feet. The confident little creature of the Force walked affectionately between the Chiss's boots and rubbed against them, trilling at him and begging for attention. The white loth-cat looked steeply up at him, and Thrawn shifted his shoulders. He turned his gaze downward, considering the curious little creature, and Ezra saw his uniform was marked with a maroon patch on the right shoulder as he shifted his torso. Ezra didn't recognize the emblem.
"Miaou?" The white loth-cat trilled insistently at Thrawn and then beckoned toward Ezra.
The side of Thrawn's face was slightly toward Ezra, but the boy still saw the Chiss's crimson eyes pulse as he became aware of Ezra'a presence at the edge of the spine tree forest behind him. His chin rose, but he didn't move otherwise to fully face the new presence. The intruder.
Then Ezra felt it.
Swirlings in the Force— A sudden twist— CRACK—
Break the truth inside of me…
Ezra suddenly sensed an opposing magnetic field emit from Thrawn's location in the Force. It appeared to make the breeze react as the wind rustled at Ezra's hair and clothing. The spine tree cones also reacted, reverberating in their soft cadence with more intensity. The magnetic field both reached out and pulled away at the same time, like it was cautiously observing in its defense.
Alien patterns and forms emitting control—
Focus— Opaqueness—
It felt as if Thrawn was trying close himself off from Ezra. He was trying to shield himself, Ezra realized.
Ezra gently pressed back in the Force toward Thrawn despite his fear. He felt uncertainty from Thrawn and a measured pattern of observational study. Thrawn was waiting to react as a warrior would, his focus fixated upon Ezra yet defiant in not facing him fully. The sight of a Chiss passively ready for conflict was intimidating.
The white loth-cat mewed softly up toward Thrawn again, as if in a plea for comfort. The unknown mother's melodious lullaby increased in volume and seemed a bit more near to them, yet still it flowed as a distant echo.
Childlike giggles— A twinkling tune—
Thrawn appeared to flinch and close his eyes, and Ezra felt a longing sorrow of emotion flow from him. A sorrow that was accompanied by immeasurable guilt.
This bleeding heart that's in my hands…
Voices echoed.
"You will know good from bad when you are at peace and passive." [Yoda] —
"The point is that you are not alone. You're connected to every living thing in the universe…" [Kanan] —
I fell apart…
Ezra gasped softly as the voice of his master flowed through the atmosphere of the space. It was a memory from a time ago on Lothal, when Kanan was training him in his abilities to connect with other creatures using the Force. This particular lesson was a frustrating one in which a wild orange striped loth-cat angrily resisted Ezra's own attempts at connection. Rightfully so as it was just bonked in the head with a rock thrown by Kanan… Ezra was turmoiled and distracted by other stresses at the time, unable to master his ability to connect with the Force. He was afraid and overwhelmed by emotions then.
The voice of Kanan continued to echo in the Force memory.
"…but to discover that, you have to let your guard down. You have to be willing to attach to others."
Nowhere to go…
Across the distance, Thrawn opened his eyes and took in a shaky breath. He glanced down to the white loth-cat, then averted his crimson eyes back to Ezra briefly before facing forward again. There was a shaky exhaustion there. Ezra felt the opposing magnetic field weaken, though it didn't entirely dissipate.
Ezra clinched his jaw and swallowed as he considered Thrawn from the boundary of the spine tree forest. His fingers curled into the spine tree bark, and he reached outward and within simultaneously. Ezra was glad to be leaning onto a sturdy tree. Thrawn felt unsteady and turmoiled, projecting some of that disorientation onto Ezra's own senses through Force as a side effect.
The regret and measured sorrow, the longing for something lost, stolen…
The longing for reunion…A weighted duty to one's people…
I walk alone…
Swirlings in the Force— PINCH—
Ezra recoiled as he felt a nip in the Force, making his curiosity repel away from his search. He tilted his head and scrunched his face. Did Thrawn just…?
"Mmmrrow…" The white loth-cat mewed at Ezra, pulling him from his reverie. It stood there at Thrawn's feet, waiting with encouragement for Ezra to walk into the meadow.
Ezra gingerly stepped forward, not sure of the sturdiness of his own feet. His eyes shifted between the white loth-cat and Thrawn, and nerves were screaming at him to stop. But he continued despite the fear he felt.
Beside myself…
His hand lingered on the spine tree bark as long as it could and then found open air as Ezra's feet carried him toward Thrawn.
My flesh and bone…
With slightly hunched shoulders, Ezra slowly made his way across the beginnings of a vast meadow. His feet shifted in the golden-green grass, and glowing blue butterflies fluttered out from the rustling blades in his wake.
This part of me…
Ezra's gaze followed the sparkling butterflies as they rose in the air along his path and found that the pearly glow to his left had taken shape. It was a mesmerizing sight, for it appeared to be Capital City, some of the landmarks recognizable. But tall white spires rose majestically in the air above it.
The seeds I've sewn…
Ezra's feet stopped walking as if by their own volition, eyes fixated upon the glowing city. It was so beautiful.
A memory…
"It's beautiful isn't it, son?" Ezra's father said. They stood on the balcony of Ezra's towered home, overlooking the white spires and thriving future vision of Lothal's Capital City.
"Yeah," Ezra replied in his vision. "So peaceful."
"That is all going to change when the Empire arrives."
"But… I don't want things to change," Ezra replied.
Ezra's mother walked up to stand on Ezra's other side. "They already have Ezra," she said. "You have made us so proud."
"You are going to need to stay strong," Ezra's father said. "Can you do that, son?"
"Yes, I can."
"Remember, Ezra," his mother said. "Without hope we have nothing."
The memory morphed.
"Moons are setting." Kanan's voice was soft, and he walked up carefully behind Ezra, who was seated on a boulder overlooking a vast meadow. Ezra had just found out that his parents died at the hands of the Empire. "It'll be morning soon."
"I saw them Kanan. My parents, they were right here," Ezra said, confused. "I can't explain how."
Kanan walked up to look over Lothal's grasslands with Ezra, basking in the moonlight. "The Jedi teach that life doesn't cease in death. But merely changes form in the Force. Your parents are alive inside you, Ezra."
Kanan looked at Ezra, eyes glassy, "They will be, always."
"It is a comfort to know that it will thrive in my absence."
Ezra was torn from his memory at Thrawn's soft voice. He found himself standing beside Thrawn, overlooking a vast golden-green meadow atop a small grouping of rolling hills.
Crimson eyes met Ezra's timid orbs. They glowed with a scarlet gloss, carrying suppressed emotions within their fiery depths. There was a discernment there as well, as if he was studying Ezra with a curious hint of concern. How long had Ezra been silently standing there, lost inside of his memory?
Ezra could see the detail of Thrawn's uniform now, but still didn't recognize it. Silver bars on his collar seemed to indicate rank, and the material of the uniform as a whole was unusual. It was odd how the delicate patterns caught and reflected light. Behind the silver bars on his collar, Ezra looked to see no damage there. Thrawn's eyes narrowed briefly, perhaps at Ezra's curiosity, and he averted his crimson gaze forward, fixating his eyes upon a treasure in the meadow beyond.
Ezra didn't know what to say… What should he say? Where should their conversation even begin? He found himself, a Jedi, standing next to someone who held the rank of Grand Admiral in the Empire. Or one who once held that rank…
Who was Thrawn truly?
Ezra felt a particular quiver in Thrawn's awareness, as if he was struggling for focus.
"Thrawn…?" Ezra wistfully intoned. Thrawn's jaw flexed, and he took a deep breath.
"Ezra Bridger," Thrawn said, exhaustion lacing the structure of his voice. His left thumb rubbed against his right wrist as he took another breath, perhaps trying to settle himself.
They both allowed the moment to stretch, standing there in an odd but companionable silence. The breeze flowed gently between them as it rustled the blades of the meadow. The space was serene and offered a peace that both appreciated.
Breaking through the quiet serenity, the white loth-cat rubbed and weaved through both of their feet, trilling happily as it did so. Ezra looked down and offered a smile. Thrawn kept his chin fixed in position but followed the little creature of the Force with his crimson gaze, his own expression neutral but contemplative.
Content that Thrawn and Ezra were finally standing together, the white loth-cat trotted away, beginning a little trek across the meadow in front of them toward a treasure. Part of Thrawn's instinct startled protectively as he realized the white loth-cat's destination, but he suppressed it quickly, for he knew the little creature was of the Living Force, similar to his treasure.
Ezra felt Thrawn's temporary rise in anxiety accompanied with a small spike of fear. He noticed Thrawn rubbed his wrist again as his eyes tracked the white loth-cat, and Ezra followed his gaze to discover the source of his worry. Ezra found a mystery.
In the vast meadow before them sat a little girl, perhaps not seven standard years old. She was surrounded by knee-high golden-green grass, but where she sat the grass was flattened. Blue shimmering butterflies fluttered about her while the breeze gently rippled her black hair. No, not merely black hair, Ezra thought. He saw blue reflected as the light glistened upon her dancing hair. Soft curls of her blue, black hair hung over one shoulder, defiant against the breeze.
Ezra couldn't see what she was doing, but she was transfixed upon a task, her focus on the ground in front of her. The white loth-cat disappeared, bounding into the high grass, but Ezra could tell where the small creature was as more shimmering butterflies were disturbed and floated up in its wake of pattering paws through the meadow.
The little girl must have heard the adorable pattering, for she looked up suddenly. Ezra saw that her skin matched Thrawn's cerulean exterior as joy filled the features of her face. Her smile was vibrant, and her red eyes mirrored that of Thrawn's own.
She shrieked a laugh filled with pure joy and clapped as the white loth-cat jumped from the grass and into the clearing where she sat. A child's joy... the heartbeat of the universe. The white loth-cat trilled a meow as it trotted over to her, and she held out her hands, reaching for the little creature.
"Ch'eo ch'acevi! Ch'eo ch'acevi!" She giggled. The white loth-cat bumped its head against her arm, and she petted it affectionately. "Veat carco vah vubeo?"
Even though Ezra couldn't understand what she said, the enchanting delight of a child was contagious.
Thrawn chuckled.
"She called it her friend," Thrawn offered, his chin inclined. "And asked of its wellbeing."
Ezra felt a swell of pride from Thrawn while his crimson gaze remained almost mesmerized upon her. Ezra found there was a sadness there that hung in the depths of his eyes though as he searched Thrawn's face.
The white loth-cat mewed as if speaking to the little girl.
"Ch'an'ucw ch'acevi?" Ezra looked back at the little girl upon hearing her speak, and he found her looking directly at him. Her crimson gaze, even though a child's, was still intimidating. She smiled though and waved at Ezra.
Ezra awkwardly waved back, feeling out of place. Thrawn hesitated a glance to him, and Ezra met Thrawn's eyes briefly, expecting another translation. Thrawn clinched his jaw and turned his gaze back, watching the little girl return to an unknown project. The white loth-cat plopped down on the ground, laying next to her, and watched her work.
"Another friend," Thrawn said eventually. He took a deep breath. "Another friend is what she said."
An owl-like creature hoo'ed overhead, stealing Ezra's attention. That's familiar… Thrawn observed the owl-like creature as well soaring in the sky above. They both found a comfort there, the sky reflecting the golden blues of Lothal's beginnings of dusk.
"Forgive me, Ezra," Thrawn said slowly, eyes following the bird. "For earlier. You no doubt felt it. I cannot trust what I see here—"
Thrawn hissed and clinched shut his eyes as a flashback unwillingly came forward.
Dread— Nowhere to go— An approaching shadow— Twinkling crunches—
Thrawn gasped and flung his right hand to his head. His feet staggered but Ezra reached out to steady him, placing a hand his shoulder.
Weakness— Hopelessness— Hand around throat—
Thrawn grunted a painful lament and lowered his head, brows scrunching as he fought to stop the flashback. His knees threatened to falter, and he instinctively latched onto Ezra's outstretched arm with his other hand.
I clutched the branch of soot and flame…
Not again— Wheezing breaths— "Show me"— "Nah"—
Cold crystals of snow— Struggle against the malice— Childlike giggles morphing to screams— Desperation— Frailty—
Thrawn moved his right hand from his head to the base of his neck. Ezra's heart chilled. Was he having trouble breathing? Ezra held him tighter, worry and panic lacing his eyes, heartbeat increasing. The Force showed Ezra too…
Malice—VADER'S MASK—
"Tis'mi!" «Daddy!» Ezra flinched and saw the little girl looking at them, still smiling in her radiant joy as if unaware of the turmoil Thrawn was currently sifting through. "Tis'mi! Ch'ean'i!" «Daddy! Look!»
Thrawn's breath hitched, and Ezra felt him regaining control in the Force.
"Ticsi!" «Dad!»
Crimson eyes fluttered open and Thrawn carefully rose his head, leery of the dizziness. He slid his hand down to his chest, catching his breath, and Ezra followed his sluggish gaze to the little girl.
She picked up a necklace, clearly made of elaborately braided golden-green grass from the meadow. Beaming with triumph, she held it up on display for them. She was so proud. Her crimson eyes were alight with expectant approval.
Thrawn huffed a soft chuckle despite the quaking Ezra felt from him. He lightly squeezed Ezra's arm as he straightened his stance, still leaning into Ezra as he continued to emerge from beyond his daze. Thrawn rose his chin and offered a smile to his daughter that he hoped hid his pain.
"Hah cart cssah bun!" «It is very good!» Thrawn called from across the meadow. She beamed even brighter if that were possible. "K'ir ch'ah in'a veah na!" «Make me one as well!»
She chuckled as she leaned over and continued to work on her piece of art in the meadow beyond. "Csei s cart veo, niezaho!" «This *is* yours, silly!»
Ezra witnessed the exchange with a dumbfounded air about him. Here he was, holding onto someone who recently met him as an adversary, a Grand Admiral of the Empire, but the Force now offered a new perspective.
"What…," Ezra said wistfully as he supported Thrawn. Ezra's mouth was wide, displaying his befuddled mind.
"Thank you, Ezra," Thrawn said. He squeezed Ezra's arm one last time before lowering his own to join his other behind his back.
Thrawn inhaled slowly and returned to his measured stance, shoulders squared and hands clasped behind him. Ezra gingerly released his hold from Thrawn, making sure he was indeed steady on his feet before giving space again.
Ezra felt he knew the answer to the question already, but he was compelled to ask anyway. "Who…" Ezra hesitated. "Who is she?"
Thrawn's eyes pulsed and narrowed briefly as he considered Ezra's question. He remained silent, and Ezra didn't think he would get an answer. The white loth-cat continued to lay on its side beside the little girl, its tail contentedly going up and down as it passively observed them all.
"Ch'eo tocas… Ch'eo cart'ar." «My light… My hope.»
Thrawn's voice was small and flowed with suppressed emotion that perhaps Ezra did not expect. Ezra couldn't understand what he said, but the love contained within Thrawn's tone was undeniable.
"Your… daughter?" Ezra timidly asked.
Thrawn blinked slowly. "Yes."
A voice echoed.
"Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future…the past. Old friends long gone." [Yoda] —
"She was taken from me…," Thrawn said, mouth downturned, eyes unfocused and haunted in memory. "Long ago. To say more is too much."
"I'm sorry," Ezra whispered. "I didn't mean to—"
"It's alright," Thrawn interrupted, glancing with glassy eyes toward Ezra. To lose a child…
Another voice, familiar…
"Ezra…"
Ezra flinched. Was that his mother?
"Ezra…"
"Over here, son."
The voices of Ezra's mother and father echoed and flowed across the meadow from their right. Ezra stepped forward a few paces and found his towered home on Lothal materialized a moderate distance away. Thrawn seemed to hear the voices as well as his head turned with Ezra's movement to find the source of the voices.
"Mom? Dad?" Ezra asked as he beheld his old home. His parents, standing atop its balcony, waved.
"We are so proud of you Ezra…"
His mother's voice flowed soft and soothing. Ezra's parents then put their arms around each other and turned to walk inside the home, out of sight.
"I don't understand," Ezra said, turning sad eyes to Thrawn. "Why am I here?"
"I do not know, Ezra," Thrawn replied, his own gaze glistening. "The mysteries of the Force are an enigma to me."
"Yet we stand here."
Thrawn looked at Ezra's towered home again. His eyes conveyed memory.
"When you found me, we were connected a moment. I believe I felt echoes from when you discovered their fate."
Ezra remembered being lost in what he felt in the Force on the Devastator. When they found Thrawn unconscious and restrained to the medical interrogation chair, there were potent swirlings in the Force that called to Ezra.
"I saw only flashes," Thrawn continued. "Nothing was really clear, but the essence was there."
Thrawn averted his gaze downward and narrowed his eyes a moment, as if feeling some of the emotions again. "I am sorry," he said, catching Ezra's eyes. His crimson eyes conveyed so much more beyond his words. And their scarlet glow, Ezra realized, had started to dim.
Ezra opened his mouth to speak but instead offered a spectre of a sad smile as if to say, it's alright just as Thrawn had said to him. He didn't trust his voice.
"I…," Ezra said after a moment, scrunching his eyebrows. "I also, saw flashes… here…"
Thrawn stilled and his shoulders stiffened. "Here," he repeated slowly. "What- what did you see?"
Ezra grimaced. He didn't want to trigger Thrawn into a flashback again, but the Chiss was resolute in his demeanor.
"Snow," Ezra began. "And a field of broken ice and…," Ezra had seen him, but he didn't know how to delicately convey it. "A dark…," Ezra's voice trailed off.
"Vader," Thrawn said breathily. "You saw Lord Vader."
"Yeah…," Ezra swallowed. "He attacked you."
Thrawn unfocused and broke eye contact. He frowned, seeming lost, alone despite the strength in his stature. His posture became nearly identical to the beginning of the second part of his holo-message.
"Then you understand why I am unbalanced; not at peace, even here."
Swirlings in the Force— Alien patterns and forms emitting turmoil— A call to focus—
A mother's lullaby—
Thrawn closed his eyes. The lullaby returned along soft currents of wind, and Thrawn's daughter began to hum along to the song across from them in the meadow. Her focus remained on the ground in front of her, perhaps further embellishing her father's braided necklace.
"I've done what I must for my people," Thrawn said, his voice mellow but strong. He focused his dimming gaze upon his daughter. "That has come with and is also a result of a great cost. There are things more distant in this galaxy that are purely evil, Ezra."
Thrawn's eyes spoke of shadowed memory as he caught Ezra's attention. "Beyond the Empire. You must become aware of them. The state in which my people found the Empire after the Clone Wars required the path I was given. I was to prevent those evils from spreading and to send aid in return. Build alliances…"
"You still can," Ezra said, sensing Thrawn's melancholy.
Doubt held the structure of Thrawn's face. He glanced away and beheld the approaching dusk upon the golden horizon, the boy's hope perhaps too painful to observe in his current state. Even here, Thrawn felt his body betraying him, weakening to whatever concoction that dreadful loyalty officer put in his system. And his throat, he couldn't feel it anymore, but perhaps that was a blessing.
"Without hope we have nothing," Ezra pressed softly.
"My hope was stolen from me," Thrawn said.
His daughter. Ezra took a breath and looked at her, as she hummed contentedly in the meadow beside her white loth-cat friend. The pearly spires of a future Lothal Capital City were beautiful and vibrant in the glimmering sunset.
Kanan's words of comfort rose to Ezra's mind. Or a version of them at least…
"Kanan told me once, life doesn't end but only changes form. That it continues on," Ezra said, turning back to Thrawn. Thrawn registered Ezra's words but kept his sight transfixed forward upon his daughter. Ezra motioned to the vision of his towered home. "Just like my parents. They're with the Force now, and… inside, always."
"Until our reunion?" Thrawn intoned, soft emotion lacing his voice. Ezra stilled. Thrawn huffed a melancholic breath and squinted his eyes. "It feels so easy to join them…"
Them…
Ezra's eyes widened. This couldn't be why the Force brought him here, to witness his passing? The Force wouldn't do that… would it? Thrawn looked so tired. No, Ezra thought.
What sounded like an expression of the mother's singing voice echoed to Ezra across the meadow. "Vatt'ah ten." «Help him.»
"We're on our way to a Rebel base with you. Hold on until we get there—"
"I've tried, Ezra," Thrawn said, tilting his head. He longed for this reunion that seemed to be set as an offering before him.
"The datachip you sent us," Ezra said. Thrawn shifted dim crimson orbs to Ezra's at this, expression hesitant. "We saw your message, but its data is jumbled. You have to tell us yourself about these evils, about your true mission. You said I need to know of them. And your people, they still need you right?"
Thrawn looked faint, "Indeed, they do." The features of Thrawn's face were sadly apologetic. "Though I do not know that I am able any longer. A twilight is upon me, Ezra."
Thrawn hunched his shoulders and looked upon his treasure in the meadow again. His eyes glistened, and his voice became a smooth melancholy. "Look forward, even so, to what lies ahead for you, despite the dangers of that future, and what you hold onto of your past."
Stars began to appear and twinkle beautifully upon the horizon behind Thrawn's daughter. A woman's form took shape and seemingly arose from among them. The light of the vision understood after a moment how to properly reflect her form, and she began walking through the golden-green grass toward Thrawn's daughter. Blue shimmering butterflies fluttered about her and almost soared around her as an escort as she made her way across the meadow. Ezra saw that she was Chiss.
She wore a long flowing dress that danced along with the wind, and as she walked, her cerulean hand cascaded over the top of the tall golden-green grass, exploring its texture. Ezra saw her hair was a vibrant dark blue that curled just like the little girl's.
"Nah…," Thrawn whispered with heavy emotion. "Hah cart k'itro." «It is true.»
The motherly lullaby was found to be hers as the unknown song permeated from her soothing voice. It was comforting, Ezra thought, even though the language was still unknown. But Ezra was concerned by what what he felt from Thrawn. Immeasurable guilt and regret oozed from him beyond the sorrow held within his crimson eyes. And love. There was a love held there that rose above all else and was perhaps what kept him steady in the midst of his turmoil.
"Ch'eo ch'acah." «My love.» Thrawn's breath hitched sorrowfully.
The Chiss woman's voice was smooth and strong as she sang the unknown lullaby. Thrawn's daughter gasped and whipped her head toward the source of the song.
"Csen'ai?" «Mother?» She shrieked with echoes of joy and sprung to her feet as her scarlet eyes recognized her mother.
"Tin'mi! Tin'mi!" «Mommy! Mommy!» The little girl bolted toward her mother. "Vah cart cseah s! «You're here!»
Thrawn watched his daughter run toward the one whom they both loved with an anguished yet rejoiceful gleam. The little girl bounded up and down through the meadow; the tall golden-green grassland of Lothal was nearly at her shoulders, almost concealing her within. Even so, one wouldn't be able to miss her as the shimmering blue butterflies flew up and skittered wildly along her wake.
The meadow became a sight to behold with both eye and heart. The glowing white spires of a future Lothal Capital City, décored with the sparkles of dusk's beginnings in the sky, permeated majestically above the rolling golden-green grassland, alight with blue glimmers in the wind. And yet the joyous reunion of mother and daughter, and the resulting echoes of cascading love, was all the more beautiful sight.
The mother scooped her daughter up in her arms and twirled in circles. Both giggled in rapturous joy as they rotated. Their daughter wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and buried her face in her shoulder. Likewise, the mother held her close, squeezing her as if to never again let go.
Thrawn stepped forward and let out a shaky breath, and tears escaped from his dimming eyes as he beheld their reunion. He wished so much to hold them both again. It had been so long.
He startled though and stopped where he stood. A confusing pang in his heart told him to stop. Ezra felt it as well, as if the Force cried out.
"Mirroww…" The white loth-cat was sitting on its haunches in the clearing and meowed toward Thrawn.
But Thrawn didn't want to stop. He would be there for them this time.
"That was the most bitter irony of war: The greatest acts of love for your family were the ones that kept you apart from them." [Raymus Antilles] —
Defiant against an external will, booted feet shifted forward again, intending to carry Thrawn through the meadow toward them. Toward his treasure. Toward that which brought him hope.
A wolf howl— Lightning—
A roaring thunder clap sounded, accompanied by white streaks of lightning that streamed across the sky, and Ezra flinched and protectively covered his face. Thrawn immediately cried out in pain and collapsed to his knees. He clutched his chest with his left hand and held himself up from collapsing further with his right.
"Thrawn?!" Ezra rushed to Thrawn's side, sliding to his knees. Wind increased. Ezra put his right arm around Thrawn's back across the shoulders and clutched him. "What happened! Show me!"
More lamenting pains erupted from Thrawn's throat as he tried to breathe. He curled inward upon himself, trembling with waves of pain. Breath came in labored wheezes, and blood escaped the right side of his mouth with a weak cough. Ezra pulled him backward and placed his left hand on the top of Thrawn's chest to gingerly move him.
Thrawn shakily lifted his hand from his chest as Ezra pushed him back and found it covered red. Blood streamed from a deep gash in his ribs, piercing his lung and leeching precious liquid down his uniform. Ezra blanched at the sight.
"Oh… Hold on, hold on," Ezra said, as gripped him tighter.
Thrawn shivered and clutched eyes. With a hitched breath, Thrawn's mind went blank, and his head rolled backward into Ezra's arm at his shoulders. His hearing faded, and all he could comprehend was the piercing pain in his chest as he tried to clutch the wound again. Muscles went lax, and he collapsed onto his right hip.
Ezra cradled Thrawn as the Chiss's muscles failed, and Thrawn allowed Ezra to guide him downward into a baptism of Lothal's golden-green meadow.
"Thrawn?" Ezra pleaded, as he tried to settle Thrawn on his back. His legs were outstretched but bent and prevented him from fully laying back. "Hey, hey, hey open your eyes."
Ezra pressed on the wound, making Thrawn hiss a gasp at the pain. Thrawn rolled his head away from the pain, while a foot reflexively scraped across dirt and grass to push away. But the reflex produced more pain. Thrawn's eyes shot open, unfocused, and his right hand flinched upward from its outstretched position on the ground as he shook his head. Unfocused crimson eyes beheld a sky at dusk with blue shimmering butterflies floating above.
Thrawn stilled, muscle tension waning. The pain began to float away; eyelids began to flutter closed.
Pain, spiked and harsh—
"Thrawn!" Ezra yelled as he pressed harder on his chest. "Stay awake!"
Thrawn pulsed his eyes wide back to awareness. Fingers on his right hand shakily dug into dirt with the struggle to breathe. Such pain… His breath was becoming thready, and Ezra could feel his quakes and trembles underneath his hands.
"I don't know what to do," Ezra said, his voice small. Tears escaped his eyes as he searched Thrawn's face, hoping to find answers from him. But all he found were grim crimson eyes, resigned to their fate and struggling for focus.
"Why is this happening?" Ezra continued, scared and filled with sorrow. But Thrawn didn't have an answer. His eyes merely narrowed a moment as he tried to focus on Ezra's face in the midst of shallow breaths. Each labored inhale and exhale produced shuddering and rattling hitches underneath Ezra's hands. It hurt…
Thrawn's mind was foggy and struggling for basic vocabulary.
"Eli…," Thrawn managed to say.
"What—"
"Eli. Vanto." Thrawn exhaled through wheezing breath. "Remember that… that name, Ezra."
"Eli Vanto?"
Thrawn blinked slowly. "Y- yes… Eli Van…"
"Hey!" Ezra lamented, shaking Thrawn as he pressed down.
Thrawn's eyes pulsed wide again, not really focusing anymore. "He may. Try… to contact," Thrawn said through painful hitches. He swallowed and tried to breathe deeper. "Friend. He is. A… friend."
Blood began to pool on the ground, and Ezra knew there was nothing he could do here. He watched helplessly as Thrawn continually faded beneath his hands. Why was the Force doing this?
"Okay… Eli Vanto," Ezra said despairingly. "I'll remember."
Thrawn's daughter suddenly fell to her knees in front of Ezra, and the heartstrings of Ezra's heart broke.
"Tis'mi," «Daddy» she said, her expression otherworldly. She smiled calmly, and her glowing red eyes were confident and happy to see her father. Thrawn's awareness increased, and his eyes shifted to behold his treasure. "Hah ch'aah carcir bun." «It's okay.»
Thrawn shakily found strength and rose his right hand to her face.
"Ch'eo tocas…" «My light…» Thrawn said weakly, his eyes overflowing. "Csehisbah vah." «Look at you.»
Ezra's fingers curled, and he pressed down harder, mentally willing and pleading for Thrawn to hold on. Thrawn barely flinched at the new pressure, inhaling only a shallow heave. His eyes shifted more to his right as his wife appeared beside their daughter, hand over her mouth, and piercing crimson eyes watering.
Thrawn's eyebrows rose as he beheld her. His voice was barely a whisper. "Ch'ah bazor… viz cart… cseah." «I should have been there»
"Nah ch'eo ch'acah," she said falling to her knees beside their daughter. She smiled through glistening and caring eyes as she leaned over and placed a hand on Thrawn's face. "Hah ch'aah nah veo vott'i." «No my love, it's not your fault.»
Thrawn leaned into her touch, and he fought to keep his eyes open. He moved his mouth as if to speak again, but words couldn't escape beyond wheezing breath. Dim crimson eyes pulsed as they tried to stay focused on his love, but they increasingly began to focus beyond her, past the shimmering blue butterflies above them.
"Hah ch'aah g'esb." «It's alright.», she said, emotion lacing her voice.
Thrawn's hand slipped from his daughter to the ground, but she gripped it. Fingers flinched trying to close around her small hand. Breaths became slower and more sluggish, and Ezra could feel Thrawn relaxing.
"No, please," Ezra muttered.
Cerulean lids wobbled heavily. Thrawn closed his eyes.
A wolf howled, it's cry echoing across the field, and Ezra looked up through overflowing eyes to find it staring at them with its intense yellow gaze. It began walking toward them, and Ezra saw that its fur was white like the loth-cat's.
Voices echoed.
"What you need, you already have." [Obi Wan]—
"We'll see each other again. I believe that." [Rey]—
"Ch'un'cr ten." «Show him.», Thrawn's daughter said to Ezra. Her eyes were precious and serene, expression ethereal. "Vah tuzir vatt'ah ten." «You can help him.»
Ezra shook his head. "I'm sorry I—"
She raised a necklace she wore and delicately displayed it in both palms toward Ezra. It was made of flat sheets of wood and various baubles crafted and carved by hand. It was intricate and obviously personal. The little girl earnestly looked up at Ezra.
"Cart reo tocas." «Be his light.», her mother said softly. Ezra found her crimson eyes to be kind in the midst of their woe.
Tocas… Ezra recalled Thrawn saying that earlier but his mind was spinning and filled with shocked sorrow. "I don't understand. I'm sorry."
The white loth-wolf made it to them and stood over Thrawn's head, looking down at them. Ezra saw ancient yellow eyes filled with wisdom peering into the very essence of his being. It was chilling.
Perhaps satisfied with what it saw, the white loth-wolf lowered its nose and began sniffing Thrawn's forehead. Ezra's face scrunched sorrowfully again as he beheld Thrawn's lax form. He realized he hadn't stopped pressing down yet. But he didn't want to move.
In the midst of its snuffles, the white loth-wolf suddenly puffed a breath, and cool steam permeated over and around Thrawn's head. The white loth-wolf then rose its head, and squinted powerful amber eyes at Ezra. The Jedi flinched as it began doing the same to Ezra, but Ezra felt a reassurance from the Force and stayed still. The white loth-wolf puffed another breath upon Ezra, releasing the same cool steam.
Swirlings in the Force— Patterns and forms emitting control— Focus— Flashes—
Ezra's vision flashed white as he fell backward to the ground, the golden-green grass of Lothal's meadow providing a soft cushion for his fall.
"First comes the day
Then comes the night.
After the darkness
Shines through the light.
The difference, they say,
Is only made right
By the resolving of gray
Through refined Jedi sight."
— Journal of the Whills, 7:477
-.-.-.-
"I walk alone
Beside myself
Nowhere to go
This bleeding heart
That's in my hands I fell apart"
- "Flesh and Bone" by Black Math
-.-
"Is anybody out there?
Can you lead me to the light?
Is anybody out there?
Tell me it'll all be alright
You are not alone
I've been here the whole time singing you a song"
- "Carry You" by Ruelle
-.-
Songs that hold the essence of "A Vision, Familiar Yet..."
"They Being Dead Yet Speaketh" by Jóhann Jóhannsson & "Your Mother Loves You" by James Newton Howard