Chapter 23: A Little Light
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"We have hope. Hope that things can get better. And they will." ―Hera Syndulla
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Swirlings in the Force— a sudden twist— CRACK—
Hera had just gotten the first of the black fibrous material out from underneath a nail when Thrawn lurched awake. She gasped as Thrawn's muscled frame jerked with tension. Crimson eyes flashed open, dim and unfocused on the ceiling overhead.
Echoes of thunder…
Thrawn's body immediately fought against his breathing tube. His left hand instinctively flinched to grab it, but Hera reached with her right and squeezed, pressing it down to his chest, while trying not to jostle his other arm on her lap. Thrawn recoiled and flinched at the pressure, eyes squinting with pain.
A flash of phantom pain to the chest—can't breathe—warm life-liquid seeping out—
Despair turning to pain—twisting in alien forms and patterns—
"No, no, no Thrawn, listen to me, you have to relax," Hera said, as she leaned over him so he could see her face.
Crimson eyes found her own worried gaze and tried to focus on her. There seemed to be a spark of recognition, but there was so much confusion, so much pain there clouding his vision.
Thrawn saw Ezra's face … felt the Padawan pressing down on him.
"Thrawn?"
But that voice, he knew that voice…
Just like Ezra, Thrawn was having trouble emerging from beyond what he experienced in the potent Force-vision.
The small commotion rattled Rex awake, and the former Clone Captain found himself hunched over in a very uncomfortable position at the galley table. He had fallen asleep while surveying the Holo-Net and gathering intel on a datapad that now had a nice puddle of drool on its screen.
"Thrawn?"
Rex heard the small panic in Hera's voice, and he quickly sat up as his mind rose to awareness. But not before he majestically knocked over his mug of caf and sent the liquid kyber all over the place.
"Well that's just great," Rex muttered as he grabbed the datapad and lifted it away from the approaching puddle of caf. He clambered to catch the mug but missed, and it clanked to the metallic floor of the galley. He would later blame the constricting stormtrooper armor for the spill…
Hera startled and glanced over her shoulder at the sound of glass clamoring upon the ground, and saw Rex beyond the galley entryway comically shaking caf off of himself and a datapad. They caught eyes briefly before Thrawn's booted feet shuffled on the couch cushions and averted Hera's attention back to the former Grand Admiral and leader of the Empire's Seventh Fleet.
Thrawn moved his jaw as if trying to speak to Hera, but the oxygen tube was in the way and prevented any sound production. He clinched his eyes closed and rocked his head to the side as he tried to handle the pain and discomfort.
"Hey, hey, I'm right here," Hera said softly pressing on his shoulder with her left hand.
"He's awake," Rex said wistfully, walking to stand over Hera's shoulder. Rex glanced at the mechanical ventilator and grimaced when he saw the numbers all over the place. "His pulse is too high."
Thrawn's feet shifted weakly again as he instinctively tried to move away from the sensations of pain, but Thrawn couldn't tell what was real and what was vision.
"Thrawn, please look at me," Hera urged, searching his face. Thrawn's brow scrunched in pain and anguish.
Too much pressure. Can't breathe. Can't speak.
"Hey, try to focus on my voice, and let the machine breathe for you." Hera shook his hand and squeezed more tightly.
In his mind's eye, Thrawn saw his daughter smiling at him. He felt her take his hand and squeeze as if he were in the Force-vision again. His precious daughter; he didn't want to lose her again. "Tis'mi" … "Hah ch'aah carcir bun." «Daddy … It's okay.»
Hera was surprised to feel Thrawn try to return the squeeze. His fingers were weak, softly flinching in weak hitches as they tried to curl closed around her hand.
"There you go," Hera encouraged, worriedly searching his face. The mechanical ventilator was beeping a warning; his pulse was elevated and blood pressure rising. "Thrawn open your eyes for me."
"He needs a sedative," Rex said as he grabbed an injection tube from the ventilator and began to prep the medicine.
"No, that would be too much for him," Hera said.
Thrawn felt something reaching out to him in the Force. It was a magnetic wave that pushed beyond the waves of pain from his body.
Swirlings in the Force—peace—calm—serenity—
But it was invading…
Deception? … no… no, not again…
Thrawn's brow pulsed as he tried to close himself off from what he thought was a threat and met the magnetic swirlings with an opposing wave of his own. Shoulders heaved as his body tried to shake away the oxygen tube.
Alien patterns and forms emitting turmoil—a call to focus—opaqueness—
"If he doesn't calm down soon, he might break the seal for his lungs," Rex urged, filling up the injection tube with a sedative.
Hera was curious to see a pulse of sudden, focused fight flash beyond the dread across Thrawn's brow. She pressed her left palm to Thrawn's cheek. After everything both the Empire and Kallus injected into him, she knew it would be dangerous to add a sedative to the mixture, but Hera began to worry it was going to be their only option.
"Thrawn please, you must relax against your instinct. You're okay here," Hera pleaded, pressing more on his cheek and rubbing her thumb against his skin.
A mother's lullaby—the melody soft and familiar, joining the swirlings of peace and calm—
Hera saw a hesitant shift in Thrawn's focus from panicked fight to peace. From defiance to trust. His brow furrowed in concentration, and muscle tension began to fade across his body as he gained control.
Three mellow trills on the mechanical ventilator. Thrawn's pulse and blood pressure began to lower, and to Hera's and Rex's relief, Thrawn started to respond.
Swirlings in the Force—alien patterns and forms emitting control—
Thrawn leaned into Hera's touch at his cheek.
A wave of peace guiding toward an island of tranquility—serenity—
Heavy cerulean lids fluttered open to reveal dim and unfocused eyes of scarlet. Hera saw them pulse as they tried to focus on her.
But a silver glow of speckled radiance clouded his vision as Thrawn emerged from beyond the Force-vision, and blue sparkling butterflies fluttered throughout the soft mist of light. Amid the heavenly light, a beautiful, familiar face formed into shape.
Thrawn saw his wife hovering over him. His love. Her glowing crimson eyes were the definition of love as her palm rested upon his cheek. She was a sight gravely missed. Her voice was melodic and composed with tones of love. "Hah ch'aah nah veo vott'i." «It's not your fault.»
Hera smiled in relief, her eyes kind as she searched Thrawn's face. She saw an unexpected wonder and a reflected softness in the depths of his eyes as he struggled to focus.
"Can you hear me?" Hera said.
A spark—
Focus—
Thrawn awoke to awareness. His crimson eyes narrowed with a flinch as the Ghost's lounge sharpened to his perception, and the smiling and radiant face of his love faded and morphed from Force-vision to reality.
Thrawn now recognized the face of Rebel Captain Hera Syndulla. The structure of her eyes spoke relief and worry while the heat signature of her cheeks rose slightly under his focused scarlet gaze.
"Thank the stars…," a man's voice said with relief. Thrawn's head lay back, too heavy for the damaged musculature of his throat to support, so his eyes tiredly searched around for the source of the voice. He found former Clone Captain Rex standing nearby, deactivating an injection tube.
Thrawn was confused to find Rex dressed in stormtrooper armor, but then everything from the past day flooded his memory in a foggy daze. It was tough to piece it all together and reconcile events with an order of time though. One moment he saw Zahara, Kimmund and Faro as he lay immobilized on the floor of the Chimaera. Then a cloaked Rukh the next moment, watching over him from a corner as the Rebels rescued him from torturous interrogation on the Devastator. And then his daughter the next moment, smiling from across a gently flowing field of golden-green grass on a thriving and healthy Lothal. Her giggling laughter reached across the magnetic void… But what was Force-vision and what was reality… so… tired…
Rex's heart shook as he saw Thrawn's gaze begin to fade and drift beyond him.
"Thrawn, stay with us," Hera said as Thrawn's eyelids hovered lower and lower. She shook his hand still gripped inside her own atop his chest, and his head flinched as he recoiled back to awareness. "Stay awake, okay?"
"Good call on the sedative," Rex muttered, as he read the data on the ventilator. Thrawn's blood pressure was low now as the Chiss returned to a baseline resting state. "He might actually need a stimulant…"
"Hey… hey there," Hera whispered with a soft smile when Thrawn caught her eyes. The crimson orbs seemed to be filled with an abundance of questions and concerns, and there was a familiar sharpness there despite the obvious pain in those crimson orbs, held back by a strong will.
Hera straightened a bit, moving her hands softly to Thrawn's right shoulder, and saw Rex grabbing another injection tube. "Let's not add anything more to his system until we see how his body responds."
"Alright," Rex said with a sigh. "I'd like to be ready though…" Rex glanced down to Thrawn and lowered his voice. "Those numbers make me nervous."
Thrawn saw Hera's focused determination as she leaned forward and patted around the cloth on his forehead. Her focused determination to aid him… A kind heart… Thrawn saw her brows narrow as if she were piloting the Ghost through a slalom of asteroids and turbo-laser fire. The cloth was gently lifted away, and Hera disappeared from Thrawn's view.
Thrawn's eyes began to explore what he could see above him, curious about where he was. The tubing and wires from his oxygen tube and sensors stretched up to a machine resting above a curved couch upon which he lay. The structure of the ceiling… the tones of ambience beyond the clicks and whooshes of the ventilator… the presence of Hera Syndulla… Could it be?
"You're on the Ghost," Thrawn heard Hera say as he heard water sloshing and dripping. Thrawn was a little awestruck. He found himself to be a passenger upon the very ship he spent so much time studying and tracking down.
Hera slid into view again, and he felt a cool sensation on his forehead. Thrawn blinked slowly at the feeling, grateful for the comfort.
"You're running a fever, not as bad now, but I'd like it to be lower still," Hera said as she smoothed out the cloth on Thrawn's forehead. Her touch was motherly.
"He's running a fever?" Rex asked.
"Yes, developed over the last hour. It's a good sign though, means his body is fighting…" Or a sign of infection, Hera thought, but she wouldn't say it. She desired to project hope despite the fear. Thrawn caught her flinch though as she turned back to address him directly. His crimson eyes were tracking her as if trying to decipher a puzzle.
Hera softly touched his right wrist, indicating to his hand. "We have you hooked up to another IV drip to help dilute the toxins the Empire gave you."
Thrawn carefully looked down, his muscles sore and stiff, and found his right arm nearly bare, covered in tape and tubes, and resting across Hera's lap. He tested his fingers, but immediately stopped at the sharp tug from the needle and tape. Not doing that again…
Hera saw him wince. "I wouldn't try to move your right arm much. The Empire… well—"
"Are evil rancors who have no idea what they're doing except in the knowledge and execution of pain," Rex said, glancing with grim eyes over Thrawn's arm.
Thrawn had just realized his neck was slightly numb and that the corner of his uniform jacket was folded back. He also felt that his undershirt was torn in half… Thrawn was so disoriented. How long had he been unconscious? With a shaky effort, Thrawn moved his left arm toward his throat to investigate. Hera was about to stop him, fearing he was going for the oxygen tube again, but realized he was only curious.
"I… I put a bacta patch there," Hera said as Thrawn found the patch. With the uniform flap folded back and covering part of his rank plaque, part of Thrawn's blasterburn scar could be seen etched into his cerulean skin, snaking outward from a hidden impact point. Rex wondered again about its origin from where he stood.
Thrawn lowered his hand as if it was too much exertion, resting it there at an angle across his chest. He was tired. Malnourished.
"We're on our way to an Alliance base where you'll get proper care," Hera said. Thrawn intently watched her as she twisted to grab a tube of bacta ointment from behind her on the couch-table. She began to apply the healing ointment to cuts and bruises on his right arm. Her touch was soothing.
Thrawn shifted exhausted eyes and caught Rex's gaze. Rex met Thrawn's eyes both as one experienced warrior to another and as a fellow soldier empathetic to the wounds and plights of another, regardless of affiliation. Thrawn lifted his left hand and wove his fingers in the air. Rex hummed a question and scrunched his eyes, making Hera glance up. Thrawn moved his fingers more methodically and narrowed his tired gaze.
"Typing," Hera said.
"You want to communicate?" Rex said simultaneously, understanding.
Thrawn dropped his hand and carefully nodded his head, slowly blinking an affirmative.
"Lemme go get my datapad," Rex said as he went back to the galley.
"I'm sorry," Hera said as Rex walked away. Thrawn looked at her with a question as she cared for his arm again. "It must be frustrating, not being able to speak."
Oh. Thrawn rose his eyebrows as she glanced down at him, and he looked up to the ceiling with a slight exasperated roll his to his eyes, his eyelids heavy. Among other things that currently bare discomfort…
Hera huffed a mellow chuckle as she pulled a small bacta patch from her kit on the couch-table and ripped it open from its packaging. She carefully maneuvered it underneath IV tubing on his arm and placed it over a group of particularly deep cuts. Thrawn seemed to release unknown tension held in the muscles there as the medicine began to mend the wounds.
"Okay," Rex said, walking back into the lounge with metallic clacks of his stormtrooper boots and a datapad in hand. Thrawn saw him rubbing at the screen, trying to clean the surface. "Here, all set for word input."
Hera took the tablet and held it close to Thrawn's face so that he didn't have to move his head too much. Thrawn's brow furrowed in concentration as he shakily lifted his left hand to the device. His hand trembled, and it took great effort to keep the instincts of his body wanting to revolt against the breathing tube under control while exerting this strength.
Rex saw the tremble in Thrawn's hand as he slowly typed with intense and methodical concentration and realized just how weak the Chiss Grand Admiral had become. The Empire and Vader struck a mighty blow against him.
Thrawn lowered his hand to his chest and watched Rex and Hera expectantly. Hera turned the tablet around.
"My crew?" was typed there.
"My crew," Hera repeated, glancing back to Thrawn. He returned her gaze with a small nod, and his crimson eyes were expectantly waiting for their answer.
"The Chimaera, right?" Rex asked, his eyes studying Thrawn.
Thrawn held Hera's stare, and Hera saw pragmatic apprehension there. Thrawn feared possible consequences for his crew as a result of his failure. As a result of Vader.
"The broadcast…," Hera began, holding his gaze. "Alton Kastle from the Holo-Net said the Chimaera is headed for Lothal with Commodore Faro in charge."
Rex recognized the relief of a good leader in those crimson eyes. In fact, he witnessed the same look on his Jedi General as he had hovered over him, while waking up wounded at the Battle of Arantara many years ago.
"You…came for me."
"It should have been me who went in the first place. A true leader always leads from the front."
Hera's voice broke Rex from the small reverie.
"They're expanding efforts against the Rebellion there after what they're claiming as an assassination attempt against you…," Hera's voice trailed off, and she averted her eyes a moment as her anxiety threatened to manifest again. Thrawn saw her fight it away and met her piercing green eyes again. Hera saw an unexpected but guarded compassion there… a solidarity.
Rex found Thrawn's tired eyes shift to him. An understanding flowed between them, and it was as if the former Clone Captain knew the silent question bathed in scarlet. He had witnessed Thrawn's and Rukh's goodbye amid the chaotic escape on the Devastator. It was not unlike one witnessed between his Jedi General and then Padawan Ahsoka.
Rex knew Thrawn had the right to know…
"We don't believe Rukh made it out," Rex said, his eyes soft but blunt with the measure of a warrior. Rex crossed his arms with a sympathetic grimace as Thrawn closed his eyes, dread rippling across his brow. Hera squeezed his shoulder. "We detected an explosion as we escaped. Kimmund too, we don't believe made it. They were heroes, they saved us all."
"Thrawn? We're so sorry," Hera prompted softly while caressing his shoulder. Glossy crimson eyes fluttered open and glanced between Rex and Hera. Hera pursed her lips, and her voice was hushed. "You should know too that the Empire has publicly declared you to be dead."
Rex thought Thrawn didn't seem surprised. "Probably trying to save face," Rex said. "I've not seen your holo message yet, but Hera's told me what you said. I'm sure the Empire is trying bury that they allowed essentially a spy to become a Grand Admiral."
Thrawn pulsed his eyes narrow at Rex as he considered his words. Rex wasn't sure if Thrawn's expression was the result of wanting to correct him or merely a realization of his vulnerability as a fugitive among Rebels now. Thrawn eventually rose shaky fingers on his left hand and nodded toward the datapad again. The former Grand Admiral appeared to be weakening quickly.
Hera presented him with the datapad, and Rex was surprised at the next entry.
"Ezra?" Rex asked, protective yet confused.
"Ezra?" was typed there on the datapad.
Hera understood. "The vision. I suppose you were present?" she slowly asked. Thrawn subtly nodded with a heavy blink. Exhaustion began to lace his face evermore. Rex was in awe; a shared Force-vision between a Jedi and a Grand Admiral of the Empire.
"Ezra didn't say too much…," Hera continued carefully, remembering a mention of a daughter. She didn't want to stress him with too much detail in his condition. "But you both must have gone through a lot together. He was pretty shaken; I've not seen him quite like that before."
Thrawn's eyes conveyed a concern that neither Hera nor Rex were perhaps expecting. Thrawn seemed genuinely worried about Ezra.
"Kanan is with him now and watching over him in his cabin," Rex said indicating with his thumb. "They're both resting, probably asleep. Either that or Jedi stuff."
Thrawn lost focus and slowly averted his eyes straight. Jedi stuff…
The shift was sudden.
Rex recognized the shift in Thrawn right away. It was a sudden change that he witnessed too often during the Clone Wars. Thrawn's body had just gone into shock right before Rex's eyes, Thrawn's heart rhythm dangerously slowing. Rex knew what the signs looked like, but Thrawn, being Chiss, had an additional reaction. A shiver coursed up Rex's spine as he watched the red vibrancy of Thrawn's unfocused eyes looking beyond him suddenly fade and dim.
"Thrawn?" Rex said urgently, flinching toward him just as the mechanical ventilator began to trill a warning.
But Rex's voice and the remaining surroundings of the Ghost became foreign to Thrawn as he reached out instinctively for that magnetic aura he felt earlier. Jedi stuff…
Maintain control… focus… reach out… —
Swirlings in the Force— echoes of muffled voices and a song of kyber—
A wolf howl echoing distantly—
A presence of peace and strength rising to meet alien forms and patterns— familiarity—
Harmony—
Jedi…
Dume…"He's okay…" —
"Good…" —
Echoes of strength and serenity— enveloping and cascading to reinforce alien forms and patterns—
Hope—
The lounge was blurry. Silver tones of heavenly light shined brightly again as Thrawn's mind sluggishly returned. Small blue flashes of fluttering butterflies skittered about through the air. He could make out the structure of Hera's face as she pushed her way into his faded and confused field of view. She was frantic and saying his name by the movement of her lips, but he couldn't hear her voice.
In fact, all sound was gone. Ears ringing, Hera was panicked. What's wrong? Heavy… so very… heavy… childlike giggles…
Rex's face emerged from beyond the silvery glow as his form took shape, bursting through the silvery haze. He leaned forward and down toward Thrawn. The former Clone Captain looked serious and focused as he reached over with a cylindrical tube in his hand.
A pinch underneath the jaw. Pressure and cold. A rolling roar, rising.
A release as sound faded into clarity.
A song of kyber morphed into an angry beep from the mechanical ventilator, and the Ghost's lounge became clear to Thrawn. Hera's face came into a weary focus, her eyes wide. Her voice finally reached Thrawn's ears and matched the rhythm of her lips.
"…ou hear me? Come back to us," Hera said, her voice breaking and emerging from an echo.
"Here," Rex said, handing her a cloth. Hera took it and pressed just below his jaw to stop the little trickle of blood where Rex injected a stimulant. "Come on…"
Hera watched Thrawn's dim scarlet eyes widen and focus with a surge of energy, and he lurched his head and shoulders as if to cough. But he shook his head back to center and tensed. He clinched his eyes shut as he willed his body to relax. Hera had been squeezing his hand again on his chest and shook it. "Thrawn?"
Thrawn sluggishly opened his eyes as he relaxed, unaware of when he had drifted off. Rex and Hera both hovered over him.
"Rest is good, Grand Admiral, but not that much," Rex said, raising up to look at the ventilator and pressing a button sequence. "The stim worked. His heart and pressure is steady again."
"You were leaving us for a second there," Hera said. She lifted the cloth away from Thrawn's neck and saw the bleeding stopped.
Thrawn realized Hera had been holding his hand again when she relinquished it and turned to wash the cloth in the bowl of water behind her on the couch-table. Fingers flinched in cold air where they rested atop his chest. Crimson eyes followed her movement but were interrupted as Rex hovered into view over him. The former Clone Captain studied Thrawn's face as the Chiss tried to focus on him. Rex grimaced, not liking what he saw.
"I should go get Kallus," Rex said, placing a hand on the crown of Thrawn's head. The mechanical ventilator persisted in its clicks and whooshes as Rex studied him another beat. "See if there's more that can be done."
"Good idea," Hera said, joining Rex in his observation. Thrawn's eyes had dimmed considerably, and he seemed to be having trouble maintaining focus.
"I'll be right back," Rex said as he walked out of the lounge for the forward cargohold. His pace was rushed. Thrawn watched him leave, turning his head slightly with a small wince.
"Careful," Hera said.
Thrawn glanced his eyes back to her and recognized a wealth of concern in her eyes beyond what she previously had displayed. That bad, is it? He averted his tired eyes and explored more of the lounge. He slowly scanned what he could until his eyes became transfixed upon an object on the couch-table.
Hera followed his gaze and found him focusing on her Kalikori. She huffed a breath and smiled a bit beyond her worry as she glanced between Thrawn and her family heirloom again.
"My Kalikori," she said, her voice soft as she reverently stroked the wooden baubles. She caught Thrawn's dimmed scarlet eyes studying her and smiled a thankful sadness. "Rukh said you wanted it returned to me. I don't understand why you took it in the first place, but I'm grateful to have it returned. It means so much to me."
Thrawn blinked slowly and nodded as if acknowledging his past action. Hera sensed a reason there, but Thrawn was getting noticeably tired again. The stim didn't seem to last as long this time.
Thrawn sluggishly considered the Kalikori again and noticed Hera's unconscious caress of the part of the heirloom that represented her brother. In his studies of her and Phoenix Squadron, Thrawn came to learn of a brother of hers that died quite young.
"Ezra did mention one thing," Hera said, hovering her hand away from the heirloom and over the couch-table's surface. Hera was no longer afraid of distressing him; she felt he deserved to see this again.
To Thrawn's surprise, Hera picked up his wooden bracelet and held it close so he could easily see it. Hera saw a spark of longing sadness. She pursed her lips and held his right shoulder with her other hand.
"We found this in your pocket… Ezra mentioned a daughter," Hera said quietly, caressing the bracelet as she held it up for him. "Said she had a necklace just like it."
Thrawn's eyes found her own and narrowed, guarded yet vulnerable, a hurt exposed. Hera held his gaze and shook her head, sorrowful and without words. The look in his scarlet orbs was all she needed to confirm that he held a deep loss.
Thrawn had expected the Empire to have discovered the bracelet and destroyed it. But there it was, safe in Hera's hand. His fingers flinched on his left hand as he beheld the precious artifact that held memory, and Hera gently placed it there in his hand atop his chest. Over his heart. Thrawn tried to grip it, fingers weak as they struggled to close around it.
Hera put her own hand over his and assisted his fingers, pushing the closed around the bracelet. Returning his echo of hope to him. Thrawn's eyes blinked so slowly that Hera wasn't sure if he'd open them again. So tired. Thrawn tried to hold her eyes, but his eyelids were becoming increasingly heavy.
"We'll be on base soon," Hera said, holding her hand over his own, squeezing. "Medical will be waiting for us, and we'll get you fixed up, okay? Things will get better…," Hera pressed the fingers of her other hand to his forehead as she spoke, flipping the cloth over to the cooler side. "…You can be— better— But you have to keep fighting. Hold on until then… onto hope, it's there I promise."
Thrawn's scarlet eyes pulsed at her words. If only Hera knew the significance of the wording of her encouragement.
An echoed memory.
"Ch'eo tocas… Ch'eo cart'ar." «My light… My hope.»
"Your… daughter?"
…"Yes."
Thrawn was losing focus.
"Okay?" Hera prompted, adamantly searching Thrawn's fading eyes. He nodded sluggishly, blinking his eyes. Okay…
Muffled voices echoed as others entered the lounge, but Thrawn couldn't understand them. It was as if his sense of Basic vocabulary left him right before sound began to fade away. Silver light encroached upon his vision, and Hera's face blurred. So tired…
A wide-eyed Kallus appeared overhead. His blonde hair was disheveled, and dark circles were under his eyes. His lips were moving as he leaned in close, examining dim and unfocused scarlet eyes. Kallus turned to someone and pointed, but Thrawn couldn't focus any longer.
Darkness threatened to fold over Thrawn's crimson orbs. Those above began to fade away into silvery light and then to nothingness. It was inviting… soothing…
A mother's lullaby… an echo of hope in hand…
Thrawn's eyes fluttered closed. He relaxed and gave in to rest.
But he held on.