Hello there!

I know some of you are disliking Damon right now, that you can't see past his vile ways and I sincerely apologize for it but the truth is I am a huge fan of dark characters, I love to read dark erotica where characters aren't always the nicer, this being said I do have my boundaries and I would never cross them but I do like to push them to some extreme. There was a reviewer that said that the last chapter reminded her somehow of Nancy Sinatra's song "Bang Bang" and I found that so amusing because I listen to that song on repeat while I am writing (I listen to 2cellos and Sky Ferrera version, if you haven't listened to it please do, it's so haunting)

Also, I hope you're all okay wherever you are; if you are in quarantine I hope this chapter makes it a little less tedious, please remember to be safe and to follow every instruction given by your country's government. If you aren't in quarantine please follow every protocol to stop the virus from spreading further. And be safe, please!

Anyway, hope you like this chapter.

"If the sky turned into stone, it will matter not at all.
For there is no heaven in the sky. Hell does not wait for our downfall

Let the sword of reason shine, let us be free of prayer and shrine
God's face is hidden, turned away.
He never has a word to say"

Motörhead

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He leaned back in the leather seat and observed the trees passing him by; the weariness of the last few days seems to have finally settled into his bones and a look of pure exhaustion marred his otherwise stoic face.

Damon was tired, so very tired of the person he was.

Elena's soft cries and trembling body still burned in his mind even now, hours after he left her sleeping safe and sound in the compound. He had hated every single moment of torture he put her through but it had been necessary, his people needed to see him strong, needed to know he didn't have a weak spot and Caroline needed to be scared enough to ask her mother for help.

Damon had always been a cruel man and now more than ever needed for the rest of the world to see how much of a monster he truly was, how cruel he could be when given a chance. People's fear would keep him alive, their fright and respect would give him what he had been looking for since he realized the nature of John's business.

The mere thought of it made him sick to his stomach; Katherine's vacant face as he wrapped her quivering body in a blanket haunted him to this day, kept him awake at night unable to breathe. Damon Salvatore was a monster but there were scarier atrocities out there and he wouldn't stop until the evilest one of them all was underground.

The black car he was in halted to a stop and made his head snap back to the present, to the ancient-looking house surrounded by a deep blanket of trees that stood imposing, looming over him outside his door.

"Took you long enough" The words were his greeting as the door of the car opened and the smug face of the vilest Mikaelson brother appeared in front of him. The Arctic Wolf, they called him, and his fame was as impressive as Damon's if not more.

Damon rolled his eyes and pushed at the door so he could step out "I got a firecracker under my ass in case you didn't notice" He murmured at the same time he started walking towards the striking iron doors of the mansion the Mikaelson family resided in, not even bothering to see if his host was following him.

Niklaus Mikaelson chuckled behind him "You are quite touchy today" He jested as he caught up to him and forced him to stop with a firm hand on his shoulder "What do you have for me?" He asked as they stood in front of each other in the foyer, the darkness of the mansion swallowing them whole "The blonde will cooperate?"

Damon nodded, jaw tense as he answered "We're on it"

The other man's lips curled in a mocking half-smile "Promises promises Damon"

"You know I don't plan to fail Niklaus"

"None of us do and yet we continue losing" His face lost all traces of mockery, the sharp blue eyes that gave him his nickname staring straight at him "Have you spoken to your brother about our little deal?" Damon averted his gaze, giving him an answer without needing words "Secrets will catch up to you Parca"

"Just give me more time"

Niklaus released an overly dramatic exhale "I'm just making sure you're not having second thoughts. I am quite an impatient man" The mocking smirk appeared on his face again, cold and inviting at the same time "And I want to make sure I'll benefit from this"

Damon chuckled darkly "That you can be sure. I'm not fool enough to believe you're on it out of the goodness of your heart"

Niklaus nostrils flared "Don't get confused Parca" He said sharply "I want my benefits but that is not all that matters, family first, always and forever"

Realization dawned on Damon "The rumors are true then, about what happened to her…"

A shadow crossed the other man's eyes, giving Damon a guess as to how it was that his subjects twisted themselves into knots to get on the Arctic Wolf's good side "You'll do good in never bringing her up again or I'll have your throat as my super in the time it takes you to blink" He said and the shift in his eyes let Damon know the man didn't make idly threats. "You can only imagine how bloodthirsty I feel— what I've seen, what they've done is enough to sicken me to the stomach and that is saying something"

Damon nodded "You and me both"

The sound of feet on the hardwood floor reached his ears seconds before a cheerful shout resonated in the otherwise calmness of the foyer "Damon!" The sound came from the petite woman barreling towards him, his lips widening in a smile as he watched her long curls trailing behind her seconds before she jumped into him "Katerina!" He whispered as his arms tightened around her "It's been a long time"

She released a childlike laugh that made something ache in Damon's chest "Too long if you ask me" Her words were said as she pulled away from him, a frown marring her forehead as she took her hands to his face and traced his features "Oh my God you look terrible"

Niklaus chuckled behind them "Aren't you a gracious host?"

"Shut it Nikk"

Damon smile grew as he grabbed her by the hands and gave her an admiring look "You, on the other hand, look splendid"

The sound of someone clearing his throat made the pair's attention move to the bottom of the staircase where Elijah Mikaelson stood, clad in a smart suit and sporting a murderous expression directed solely at Damon "I would refrain myself with the compliments if I were you, Parca"

Katherine rolled her eyes in annoyance "Don't be a caveman Elijah"

It was Niklaus time to laugh again, clearly amused with the situation in front of him "Yes brother, show some manners"

Katherine shot her brother in law an annoyed glance before releasing Damon's hands and moving towards her husband, whose eyes remained fixed on Damon "Don't be jealous" She murmured when she reached him and felt him snaking his arm around her waist, securing her to his body.

Damon couldn't help his lips widening in a smirk at the territorial look on Elijah's face "You can assure I have nothing but brotherly love towards Kat"

A malicious grin drew itself on Niklaus face, his attention on the elder Salvatore now "Oh yes, you have your very own Principessa, right?" Damon's head twisted in his direction, a snarl on his lips at the mention of Elena "Touchy subject?"

Damon was about to snap at him when he felt Elijah's hand on his shoulder, not having realized the man had moved from his spot "I think we have more important subjects to discuss, don't you agree?"

The dark-haired man tore his eyes away from Niklaus, anger vanishing from his expression "Yes we do"

"Nikk… is someone there?" A soft feminine voice spoke from the top of the stairs, Damon's eyes moved towards the sound on pure instinct, his gaze landing on a beautiful blonde woman.

Her hair was long and luscious, curling down to her waist, her cheeks were rosy from the cold and her frail-looking body was clad in a cream-colored robe. Damon knew who she was from the moment his eyes landed on the scratched skin around her eyes and the pair of eye prosthetics that gave an eerie look to her face.

"No my dear, no one is in here, just us" Niklaus was the one to answer, his tone so soft and mellow it surprised Damon. "Why don't you take our guest to the office, I'll catch up with you soon" He whispered in direction of his brother before heading to the stairs.

"I heard voices—I got scared" Rebekah Mikaelson's voice was frightened and frail and tugged something in Damon's heart, something he couldn't name but that made him look away when Niklaus enfolded her in a strong embrace.

"There's nothing to be afraid of my love" He heard the other man whisper sweetly "am I not here to protect you?"

Elijah's haunted gaze was fixed on the siblings at the top of the stairs, a muscle twitching in his jaw as he spoke "I want him gone" He said, Damon, didn't even need to ask to know who he was referring to so he only nodded as the other man snapped of his trance and moved towards the hallway "Follow me"

It didn't take long for Klaus, the way his siblings called him, to catch up with them in what Damon guessed was their office, he was visibly shaken and the shadow of something dark and painful seemed to have overwhelmed his expression, gone was the humorous yet irate man who had greeted Damon.

The cards were laid down on the table, Damon presented his current situation and his need to remain in hidden now that John Gilbert was after him, the blonde man had won the upper hand and now the pieces of the board needed to start moving sooner than expected.

The Salvatore's alliance with the Mikaelson's had been unexpected to say a least, but incredibly convenient. It had been pure luck which made Elijah Mikaelson meet Katherine in one of his trips to Florence; lives of people who shared so much in common without knowing it, destinies linked by tragedy and by the monsters responsible for it.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend; Klaus had told him the first time they met and to this day Damon continued seeing the benefits of such alliance, especially now when he needed Katherine's assistance more than anything.

"How angry was he?" Damon asked as he leaned back in the leather seat of his car, an amused smirk stretching his lips. Before departing Damon had asked one last favor of the brothers, a favor which Elijah had refused on the spot only to agree afterward after a lot of cajoling from his wife.

His wife who was now throwing chiding glances towards Damon as they sat on the back of his car on the way to his bunker, Kol, the youngest Mikaelson, following close behind in another car.

"Don't be petty" She told him.

"I just enjoy seeing that look of utter hatred in his eyes"

"Don't taunt him, just because he is cooperating right now doesn't mean he's harmless"

"Wouldn't dream of it" Damon muttered, knowing firsthand how lethal Elijah Mikaelson could be.

"Besides, something tells me you can share his sentiment," Katherine said, the amused smirk directed at Damon this time "Or would you be so laid back if someone was taking Elena out while we're in the middle of a war?"

Damon's jaw clenched at the mere mention of Elena in danger "Good point" He said "I would keep her chained to her room if needed to" Flashes of her limp body on the floor of the warehouse filled his mind and made something in his chest twist painfully.

"Doesn't surprise me" Katherine's mutter was accompanied by a roll of her eyes "How is she?"

Damon exhaled deeply, worry lines marrying his face "As expected… Elena she's—she might seem frail but she is tough, she'll come out of it" He said with conviction "But I think—speaking with you will help her"

Damon was convinced that hearing Katherine's side of things would help her realize the lengths that needed to be taken to guarantee her protection; he believed that if she truly understood the situation would allow her to comprehend the extraordinary measures needed to be taken to destroy John and his organization.

"It'll help you as well after you put her through"

The annoyance tone in Katherine's voice made Damon's head snap towards her, an eyebrow rose in her direction "What do you mean?"

A knowing look crossed her features "You want her to acknowledge there are monsters worse than you" She stated simply "So she can forgive you, so she can forgive herself from loving you, so she can accept you"

Something dark stirred in Damon at her words, at the true that hid behind them "She knows who I am, and loves me despite it" He told her, jaw clenched and a vein throbbing at his temple.

Katherine released a heavy sigh "Never believe that love is unbreakable Damon" She said, her voice a mere whisper "There are certain things that even love can't forgive. And if you push someone enough times… just don't be a monster to her"

Damon's eyes went to the window where he observed the trees passing them by, people walking so oblivious to the darkness of the world, a world he could never be part of, a world that had been denied to him since the time of his birth.

He sighed tiredly "What a way to kill the mood Kat" He muttered and heard the other woman chuckled in response before she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Just giving you friendly advice," She told him gently as she pressed herself closer to him, the grapefruit smell of her hair overwhelming his senses "Be good to her Damon"

But what if I don't know how to be good he wanted to ask her, ask the girl who has suffered immeasurable pain but who still found a reason to smile, the girl he had been too coward to save.

Katherine's eyes closed as they continued their way to the bunker, Damon watched her sleep and felt the shame and regret invading him once again like they did whenever she was close.

As he stared at her features he couldn't stop thinking about everything they did to her while he hid, too much of a coward to step out and defend her. He should have killed John Gilbert that day, he had proven himself to be his father's son when he remained in that closet instead of helping the girl now sleeping next to him.

The girl who had forgiven him despite the fact he had abandoned her to the wolves.

"You were a kid Damon, you were afraid; it is okay to feel fear. You know that right?"

"They would have done the same to you and then you wouldn't have been able to save me"

Those were the words she constantly repeated to him whenever she realized the pain and regret were overwhelming him, words he refused to believe.

Because he shouldn't have been afraid, he was taken the privilege to be afraid when the bullet aimed at his father tore apart the skin of his face, when John made him gut his dog one week after he married his mother, when his grandfather took him to his first interrogation session when he was only eight or when his mother made him watch as she punished Stefan for something he hadn't done.

Fear shouldn't have been present that day.

Damon paced back and forth in front of the door where Katherine had disappeared almost two hours earlier; he could hear whispers and occasionally cries but couldn't make out any of it.

The anxiety was killing him; every minute that passed had him on edge, wanting to barrel towards the door and take Elena into his arms, beg for her forgiveness, to erase the last days and disappear with her into the end of the world.

But Damon knew that dreaming was of no use, it had never helped him before.

So he waited, he paced and waited for the door to open, for his chance to see Elena again, to have her in his arms and have things going back to the way they were. It seemed like days had passed before Katherine stepped outside, the door clicking shut quietly behind her.

"Is she—?"

Katherine gave him a gentle smile at the same time she took her hand to his cheek and patted lightly "That is for her to tell not me" She told him "She is a good girl Damon and she is in a lot of pain" Her hand dropped from his face as she sneaked a glance to the closed door behind her "Just give her time"

He sighed heavily before a sad smile appeared on his face "I am afraid time is the one thing we don't have"

Katherine gave him a quizzical look before understanding dawned on her, she pulled him into a hug then, her slender arms securing him to her body with a strength that surprised him "I am afraid this might be the last time we see, don't we?"

He buried his face in her hair, breathing the smell that was somehow so comforting to him "I wish it weren't" He said as he clung to the girl he had met so many years ago, to the girl that somehow represented the last shred of his lost innocence, the knowledge that the world was a very cruel place.

They pulled away from each other, her hazel eyes were shining with the tears that slid down her cheeks "No matter what you think, you did save me that day" She said as she grabbed onto his hands "It wasn't the first time they touched me and it wouldn't have been the last if you hadn't taken me away"

Damon felt nausea building up in his throat at the thought of what she went through during the time John held her captive "You deserved so much better"

"We don't always get what we deserve," She said before one of her hands went to the tender skin of the marred side of his face "You should know that"

Damon grabbed her hand and kissed it "Be safe Kat and be happy. That is what you deserve"

Her tear-stained eyes stared up at him, a broken smile on her lips as she spoke "Thank you, Damon, for everything" She clung to him one last time before stepping away and walking away in search of Kol, Damon watched her go with a heavy heart.

Once her dear friend disappeared from his eyes, Damon steeled his back and went to open the door to the room Elena was in. He found her sitting on the desk he had placed where the window should have been. Damon had designed this bedroom especially for her, decorated it with all the things she would love, but he never guessed the circumstances in which he would show it to her.

Things hadn't gone the way he planned, time had gotten in his way and he had to take measures that would haunt him until the end of his days.

Elena had taken a bath and changed her clothes, her hair was now pilled at the top of her head and the back of her neck was visible with the low neckline sweater she was wearing, the strong smell of the apples in the shampoo he bought for her overwhelmed him with the desire to reach for her and bury himself in her skin.

"Len…"

He could see the way her back stiffened when she heard his voice, her hands dropped the pen she had been holding and twisted slightly so only half of her face was visible to him "I want to be alone"

Damon sighed as he stepped further into the room "I'm sorry but you can't"

She turned completely towards him at that, fire burning in the eyes that once had looked at him with pure adoration "Can't you just leave alone for once in your life?" She nearly screamed at him "You've been controlling it the entire time, controlling me since I was a little girl, fool enough to follow you everywhere"

"I know this is hard"

"You don't know shit! You don't know what I am feeling, what I am—" Her voice broke down, a trembling hand going to rest above her chest "It hurts Damon, everything does. What he did… I'm his blood Damon; I am as dirty as him"

He shook his head vehemently "No, you could never"

Her hand dropped to her thighs, her eyes closing and allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks. He walked towards her then, kneeling in front of her and grasping her hands in his own.

"Maybe that's why I love you" Her voice was a barely audible whisper "I am as twisted as him, maybe that's why I can't say no to you" Chocolate eyes opened to stare at him with something that made his gut twist, disgust, and shame reflecting in those beautiful eyes that had promised him so many things once upon a time "You're a monster, you've hurt me in ways I couldn't even imagine"

Emotion overwhelmed him, a weight settling in his chest and making breathing almost impossible "Elena…"

"You've been awful to me," She said brokenly, her hands abandoning his and going to his face, her touch tentative as if the mere act of touching him was revolting to her "You've broken me for the sole propose of doing it"

"That is not true" He whispered, tears of his own clouding his vision and dampening the fingers that were touching him.

She looked at him sadly, all traces of the anger of moments before vanished "Don't act like if you don't enjoy it"

"I don't," He said fervently, his head dropping into her lap "I want to protect you!"

"You've been a terrible person Damon, you've done all the wrong choices and yet I can't let go of you," Elena told him as she moved his head away from her thighs, her touch cold and vacant "And it hurts Damon, it hurts to love you and it hurts not to" Damon felt as if somehow she was twisting his heart in his chest, her words scorching themselves in his brain

"Len, please…"

"No, no" A sob climbed into her throat as she rose from the chair, away from him and his touch "I don't even know what to feel anymore!" She went to stand by the door, opening it for him in a clear sign for him to leave "Please just go"

Damon remained kneeling on the floor, a look of complete devastation etched into his features.

"Get out! Leave me alone!"

Her shouts made him stand up from the ground and walk towards the door, pausing only when he was next to her, his hand raising to touch a lock of her hair "I am sorry" He whispered before stepping outside.

The door closed behind him with a bang that seemed to resonate on his very bones, just as the sobs that followed it. Damon sat down by the door, his back to the wall as he listened to her cry, knowing he was the reason for her pain.

He stayed there the whole time until the cries subsided and he heard the bed rustling. Then he stood up and stepped inside, wishing nothing more than to veil her dreams and protect her from the nightmare he was sure would come.

He watched her sleep and felt repulsed with himself for what he did to her, for all the ways he hurt her. Elena had always been too precious for him to handle, a porcelain doll that needed to be kept safe, but she was also strong and sometimes he felt the need to prove her strength, to push her to see how much it would take for her to break.

He was the villain in her story, there was no denying it and he hated himself for it.

He leaned down towards her and traced the outline of her cheek with his fingers, her skin warm to his cold hand. It had always been that way; she was always the heat that warmed his cold undead heart.

Pain sliced through him as he remembered her words, the hatred in her eyes as she looked at him, he was so used to her adoration that to be the end of her hatred felt alien to him, it pained him in places he didn't know he had.

Damon Salvatore was a true monster and Elena had finally realized it and it scared the shit out of him that she wouldn't be able to see past it, to forgive him. That after everything he would end up without her, the fear of losing her gripped him so tightly he was forced to step back and leave the bedroom, nausea building up in his throat.

He emptied his stomach until his throat burned, doubled over the sink as Katherine's words came back to him "Never believe that love is unbreakable Damon" she said, and the thought alone was enough to break him.

If God is wise, why is He still when these false prophets call Him friend?
Why is He silent? Is He blind?
Are we abandoned in the end?