Sad piano music wakes me. It's filling the house, creating a type of mournful atmosphere, that fits my mood perfectly. I sit up, rubbing my eyes. I'm surprised Christian isn't here with me. He usually jumps at the opportunity to be able to touch me, and in my unconscious state, thats the only time I've been allowing it. Hes been going to bed early lately, using it as an excuse to be able to be near me.

I look at the clock, it's only 9:30. I know he hasn't been to bed yet.

Stretching a bit I climb out of bed and follow the music. I'm eager to get out of the house tomorrow and start exploring the mountains, and hopefully Christian lets me go alone. Though I doubt it.

I stop just short of the doorway, listening. This is probably the saddest song I've ever heard him playing. It depicts perfectly my own feelings.

He stops suddenly and just when I think he knows I'm here, I hear his phone ringing.

"Hello?"

I'm quiet and listen, wondering who's calling him at this hour.

"No, she's not doing any better."

I immediately tense up. If thats Mrs. Robinson on the other end and she's asking about me, I swear-

"No, mom. I don't know what to do."

I swallow hard. His moms calling to check up on me.

"It's like I lost both of them," His voice breaks at the end and I know he's crying. No Christian! I feel responsible for this but at the same time I'm not ready to forgive him yet.

"I know, but how much time does she need? I took her to Aspen, so hopefully she comes out of her shell a little."

I'm annoyed that I cant hear the other end of the conversation but its a little easy to piece together everything.

"Mom?" His voice is hesitant and I can picture Grace trying to coax him along on the other end of the phone. "What if…what if she wont forgive me?" His voice is so low, I have to strain to hear his question to her. It shoots straight to my heart and the question echos in my mind.

"I know I've just never seen her this way with me before. I can't stand it." Hes still crying and I have to force myself not to run to him. "I know….okay I will. I love you too mom. I'll let you know how she's doing tomorrow. Okay."

I wait for a few more seconds then hear the music start up again. That same sad tune. As much as my heart tells me to go in there and kiss him, and beg him to forgive me for these past few days, I can't. I'm just not ready. Turning on my heels I head back to our room.

Cuddling back up underneath the quilt, I sit there and just listen to his music. That last question he had asked Grace, repeating itself in my head. What if I wont forgive him? I dont think I'll feel this way forever, but what if? The thought of forgiving Christian leaves a bad taste in my mouth for some reason. With these terrible thoughts in my mind, I drift off into a fitful sleep.

Five hours later:

Theres music here. Sad music that makes my heart ache. Christian is sitting at a black glossy piano, playing the song. I try to walk to him, but my feet wont let me.

Then I hear it. Our baby, crying. He's lying on top of the piano but Christian is just ignoring him. He continues to just play the song, ignoring our screaming baby.

I try to walk to him again but my feet wont move.

"Christian! Get him! He's crying!"

Christian stops playing long enough to look up at our screaming boy, then turns his head to me. "I never asked for this. I never wanted him." Then he goes back to playing. The baby keeps crying and I can't bare it. "Christian!"

Sweat beads down my face as strong hands shake me awake.

"Ana! Ana, Baby wake up!"

My eyes fly open to see Christian sitting on the bed beside me, waking me up. I sit up immediately, sighing in relief that it was just a dream. I look at the empty spot in the bed beside me and see that Christian still hasn't been to bed yet. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel better when he's in bed with me.

"Where…where were you?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"I was playing the piano. I couldn't sleep." His voice has a hint of guilt as if he knows he's the reason for my nightmare tonight.

I just simply nod and after a minute he hesitantly speaks again.

"You were….you were calling my name in your sleep."

I don't say anything to that. If he only knew why I was calling to him, he'd be furious.

"Do you want me to come to bed?"

I nod and the smile that he gives me makes my heart melt. He stands and quickly removes his white button down shirt and pants, leaving himself only in his boxer briefs. I can't help myself as my eyes roam his body as he walks back to our bed. I silently tell my inner goddess to calm down and send her packing.

Christian slides into bed beside me. Normally he'd automatically reach for me and pull me to his chest, but now he's unsure and knows even the slightest mistake on his end will set me off. So he just lays there, staring up at the ceiling.

I hate the distance though. My fingers long to touch him, to have him close to me, but I ignore this feeling and just roll over to face away from him, falling back to sleep.

In the morning I feel new. Well, maybe new is pushing it. I was able to wake up at a decent hour and take a shower. Christian was already up and showered by the time I made it to the kitchen. I dressed in black yoga pants and a black tank top with a grey hoodie. Christian is in sportswear as well and its all I can do to stop staring. He doesn't look like his usual self and its throwing me off.

"I was thinking I'd cook us breakfast then we could head out to the trails." He says, somewhat brightly.

"I'm not hungry." Before he can lecture me I quickly add, "How about I go on the trails for a bit and then come back in time for us to go get some lunch?" I hope food will help bribe him into giving me what I want. Alls that I want right now is to be on the trials alone. Of course, Fifty has other plans.

"Absolutely not. Ana, I'm not letting you go off on the trails alone." His voice has turned from sweet to authoritative in a heartbeat.

"Well Christian, I'm not asking. I'm going on the trails alone, so I'll be back by lunch." I got to exit out the back door but his hands around my arm stops me mid step.

"The hell you will." He growls.

"Let go of me!" I pull my arm but he doesn't even budge.

"You're not going alone Ana. If I have to just follow you I will, and you know it."

I stare at him for a minute ready to explode at any moment. "Ug! Why do you always have to be this way? I want to be alone right now!"

"Not gonna happen." He says simply, unfazed by me literally yelling in his face. I give him a glare and head out the back door, him on my tail. We don't say a word to each other as I head for the trail in the distance. His footsteps never fade away, always just a few paces behind me. Halfway up the trail I whirl around to him, "Why wont you just leave me alone!"

He doesn't stop until he's right in front of me. "Why wont you just talk to me?" He ask, just as harshly.

"Because I hate you!" The words topple out of my mouth before I can stop them and I've shocked not only him but myself. I don't mean them of course but alls I've been wanting to do lately is hurt him.

"You hate me." His words aren't a question, just simply a declaration. He looks shocked though, and scared, his face paling a bit. I don't care though, I just stand my ground.

"How could you?" I ask, crying all of the sudden. "How could you just leave me Christian? I needed you!"

He runs a frustrated hand though his hair, even more exasperated than he usually has been with me. We keep circling back to this topic.

"I'm sorry! For fucks sake Ana, what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to actually feel what I'm feeling too! To hate yourself for walking out when I needed you!"

"I do! Fuck! Ana, I hate myself so much. You think I wouldn't go back and change it all if I could? How horrible do you think I feel, having to watch you literally fade in front of me! Its-" He breaks off, shaking his head at the situation as he starts to cry. "It's terrifying to watch. And you wont even let me comfort you. I hate it."

My words are ice cold when they come out from between my teeth. "Well boo fucking who."

I turn on my heels and start back toward the house.

"Ana! Come back here and fucking talk to me. You're being stubborn-"

My head starts to get heavy and my vision becomes spotted. Then I hear Christians panicked voice behind me and everything goes dark.