What was happening to me? Was this insanity that seemed to be surrounding me, coming out of my own body?
A goofy smile decorated my features as I woke next morning. I felt… better, happier. Blade and I had talked until the early hours of the morrow. They'd been small conversations but so many topics had been discussed. I had learned so much yet so little. He mentioned loving rainy weather for it reminded him of his early life. I confessed to not knowing how to swim and he countered mocking my inability to do what he called a basic survival skill. Like him not knowing the constellations wasn't shameful. Honestly, who believes a star arrangement is called the frying pan? The laughter that ensued was uncontrolled, untamed. Real.
Life simply felt more real when I could forget manners and talk to Blade.
Maria noticed when she entered room to help me prepare. Obviously, she tried to spare my pride by hiding her sly smile. God was I that obvious? Was my smile going to reveal Blade's presence in the balcony? No. It couldn't be. No one knew about our midnight meetings. She must be attributing my joy to something else.
Still a nagging feeling took hold of my happy heart. Was I being careful enough? What would happen if people's attention was called to Blade's small escapades? Would he be fired? Was I putting him in danger? Had King Edmund heard any of our giggles from his death bed in the last nights? What would happen now?
I forced myself to take a shuddering breath. Surely if something of the sort was happening the entire castle would hear. Furthermore, it seemed my friend had been doing this for a while before I came. Maybe he knew how to hide his footsteps. Except there was no way to know if that'd be enough.
We'd been loud last night… had someone heard? The Just King's chambers always seemed so empty, almost as if there were no guards keeping him safe. That wouldn't make any sense however. No royal would be left alone so blatantly. Not even one known for his fighting skills. They had to be there. Hidden so naïve idiots like me would feel trusting of their independence in the space. They had to have seen me. I felt like falling over.
"My Lady? Are you well?" asked my maid kindly but I could barely hear her. I was such a dishonor. Not only had I put my country, my family and my own reputation at risk, I had to do it in the way that would guarantee the hatred of one of the most powerful men in this world.
I was so scared. King Edmund was known to be a fair sovereign to those inside his limits, but his external relations had been enough to dote him of The Dark King title. I had never had the chance to meet him or his siblings before this voyage but all who had described him as the shadow to the sun that were his siblings. Rumors of him never smiling or his stare, strong enough to send our world back into winter circulated amongst all the social classes. None wasn't afraid of him.
Of course, I knew rumors weren't real. At least not to that extent. People had built up on his characteristics to create a myth. Just like the Queens had said yesterday. They affirmed their brother was a good man, but it was their duty to defend their family. Who was I to trust? Those who knew him but could be blinded by love or those who were impartial in their ignorance?
No matter, even they agreed on something he was imposing and not the kindest. Of course, it had to be me to bother him when he was ill. There would be no forgiveness on my actions. If only I hadn't come back after the first night, it could be excused as a mistake. But bringing food and coming for five nights in a row wouldn't be overlooked.
Still, why hadn't they acted yet? Blade had said so himself: I was a terrible spy and even if the dark-haired men could glide on the floors without a sound he would have been caught by the royal guards. They were, after all, the best spies and arms men in the country. We would be condemned anytime now.
I tried to think of a way out and couldn't help but reminiscence of the sovereign's kindness to me. Queen Lucy affirmed that her royal brother was smitten with me. Would that guarantee leniency? I doubted it. If something was clear to me was that the siblings would put each other and their family's comfort before any of the others. It was a hopeless option.
I was a Lady, but I was by no mean influent enough to be kept safe with such an offense hanging over my head. And if I was in such predicament, Blade… There would be no pity to a rebellious servant. He had no safety net and was risking everything for the view from a balcony. Was even calm enough to light candles and read books there. Had I made an unfair judgment when deciding that he was by no means allowed in that space? No. He'd been so adamant about keeping himself hidden.
Then why? Why was that balcony worth so much risk?
'But the beauty is worth it. To me, adventure and beauty will always matter more than the danger I take to get there.' His voice seemed to be repeating in my head. He was so reckless. So brave. So admirative of what he saw.
I had to focus. There had to be a way to save the brown-eyed men and his peculiar vision of the world. but then again if I was wrong and somehow our visits had gone unnoticed and I asked for him I would surely make all my fears come true. There was no way to be subtle about this. Why would a Lady ask to see a servant, a warrior…?
He was a warrior! Of course! If he was okay, he had to be in the training grounds. From what he told me yesterday he'd clearly seen war and fought for Narnia. I knew that the training session I'd been invited to had been only for nobles. The common soldiers would probably be training earlier. More likely now…
I jumped up. I didn't even realize I had sit down or that Maria had unmade my corset to help me breath. She was startled out of her gentle words and encouragements for me to breath. She was immediately trying to stop me from running out of my rooms, but I wouldn't allow it. I needed to know.
"My Lady, please, you are not fit to get out! What would everyone think?" she yelled after me and I finally slowed down. She was right. I was trying to find out if anybody knew my secret by acting in rashest way know to man. I let her usher me back to my rooms and finish changing me. Thankfully she had noticed my hurry and made quick work of the lace dress I would wear that day. As soon as I was finished, I called in my lady-in-waiting and asked her to inform my father I would be late to breakfast. She bowed her head in turn and left. Maria directed a poorly concealed alien look to me, but I merely ignored it. Her opinion wasn't my concern.
I walked into the halfway. It was still early so not many were around. I still forced myself to keep a proper posture, disinterested look and a slow pace. I just hoped I wouldn't be too late. There was no way I could wait for the night to have any confirmation on my doubts. I had to know he was safe.
When I reached the gardens, relief washed over me. The troops were still marching, training. It was my chance to know if my friend was okay. I looked for him in the ranks that should have been perfectly ordained. Should. Everyone was tripping over one another, unused to their positions from what I gathered. Were this new recruits?
No, I could see them making space for people that weren't there. People were missing. Clearly more than a few. Where had half the army gone too? How long had they been gone? Why would they go? As far as I knew Narnia wasn't involved in any campaign right now nor was there trouble inside their borders. Why would the army be deployed and in a fashion that made the reminders so clumsy?
At the head of the troops, a general seemed to be going crazy, trying to organize his troops. Why would such havoc be happening? I shook my head, wishing for my spirit to focus on what mattered: Blade. And whether or not he was alive. I tried to find his face but the chaos ensuing before my eyes was of no help. Not to mention that all gentlemen were wearing helmets that covered their features. It was hopeless.
As a knot formed in my stomach, I heard voices coming from behind me. I immediately turned towards them, hoping with all my being that they were not there for me. Entering the training ground were King Peter and a centaur. They both seemed worried and perhaps a little frustrated.
"Without your brother's troops it seems everybody has forgotten how to function." Declared the centaur. His voice was grave and harsh. He was, without a doubt, a high rank in the Narnian army. The High King sighed and rubbed his eyes with calloused fingers.
"This makes no sense. Ed's troops always fought on their own. The only thing they did with everyone was march. Why would our level drop this way?" he wondered out loud. I was relieved they hadn't seen me. I truly was. But it seemed as though I was intruding on a confidential conversation. It seemed wrong to be hearing about this… yet I couldn't forget the words that reached my ears. King Edmund's troops were missing. Why did the monarchs have different troops? And why were some deployed? Did this mean the Narnians were doing a campaign behind the world's back? Why and against who?
"I believe this is a moral statement. I don't believe the troops are calm with what is happening right now. This… division isn't good for anybody." Declared the centaur. What division? Were there problems in this land that were unknown to the world? They seemed of rather big importance and yet the world thought all there was in this country was parties in the name of their sovereigns.
Should I be worried?
"I know this isn't good for anyone, but I can't just fix it! I wish I could but with the little tantrum he's throwing there's no way to talk to him!" The Magnificent sounded truly wounded up. Irritated and worried. I couldn't stop myself from theorizing. Had King Edmund withdrawn his troops? Had the brothers fought to warrantee such a thing? Nevertheless, King Edmund was sick. This made no sense.
"I don't believe it's my place to mingle in your personal affairs, but I am worried about our army. If something was to happen, we wouldn't be really effective right now. We mustn't be so vulnerable in a time like this." Replied the centaur calmly and I greatly admired his capacity to stay calm as his ruler yelled in such a way.
"Well what do you suggest?" the exasperated yell took me by surprise, but the half horse creature didn't even finch. He must've been used to such outbursts.
"I suggest you contact him and propose a truce. It's been over a month and the only thing you've succeeded on is debilitating the capital." The boldness shocked me. it didn't matter what rank the Narnian had, no one should speak to a King in such manner. No one should even dare. A King had to know what was best for his country.
"You're crossing a line, Oreius. You are my friend but like you said there is no reason for you to advise me on my private life." For the first time since coming to this country, I saw a reaction I expected. No such disrespect would be allowed as it should be. "I will not concede to his nonsense or exaggerations. He's trying to force my hand and I refuse to give him that pleasure. Our troops were perfectly manageable before he brought the foe creatures along. Why would their absence render us useless?" Once again, I wished I knew more of their history. What was the difference between their army and the foe creatures? Were they truly that recent?
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of news but your personal life affects the whole kingdom. This fight is putting us in a lot of danger. I can't be sure if the threat your brother saw was real but if it is, we should be prepared, united. Not falling apart like we are now. The Narnian army could work well without the foe beasts because we were united. We learned to trust them and are now fighting as cripples." The centaur seemed to be losing his patience as much as his King. I stored the information: it was well known that the Dark King was responsible for the Narnians spies and the military. Of course, his illness would hinder him from completing his duties, but his information should still be taken in account. Had the brothers fought before the younger had fallen ill? Should the circumstances not help fix this?
I was getting scared. This conversation, this bit of confidential information left one thing clear: this country was in danger. The world thought this to be the one of safest places in this world, no one had brought guards with them. We were under the impression we would be unharmed. Fear griped me. The Narnian army was falling apart and a possible threat loomed in the shadows. I suddenly doubted we would leave this place in time or in one piece.
I knew Narnia was strong, but everybody knew this was thanks to the union of their sovereigns. Sovereigns that were now fighting and denying the purpose and capacities of one another. Sovereigns that were hurting over the death of one of them. Sovereigns that were far away from one another if this conversation was anything to go by. This voyage suddenly seemed like a huge mistake, a trap. No, not a trap. A masquerade. A deadly shadow game that could end with the highest representatives of multiple countries. I understood, of course, that most of the guests had travelled for over a month to come here just like I had. This wasn't planned in the slightest and sending the news would have just created panic. Did we still not deserve a warning that our lives might end in this foreign land?
"I don't mean to be harsh or to treat you like the child I know you no longer are, but it's time you look around. To Lucy and her pain or Susan and her quiet pleas. I've know the four of you since you first set foot in this land and I'm aware of how much one's absence hurts all of your functionality." The centaur must have seen the guilt ridden look in his King's eyes. There was so much pain in him, the burden of the world resting in shoulders that seemed too young for the first time. "I don't mean to say that this is fully your fault, but I must ask, has Edmund ever been wrong about this kind of thing?"
The Magnificent smirked ever so slightly and looked down for the briefest moment. He seemed so fond of memories that had clearly been buried over matters of state. "Not since we came here. But I still see that young kid, looking for enemies in every corner because he felt out of place in peace. I know he's changed a lot since then, but I can't see what he is seeing and every time I asked for proof he closed up. I want to trust him, but if this is him just being paranoid making a move could hurt Narnia." His point of view sounded so much like the one of a father I couldn't help but remember what Queen Lucy had told me. He had raised his siblings.
"And if he's not being paranoid, we are in great danger. Edmund was always rather secretive over his sources. This isn't new." Oreius words made me wonder, for the briefest second if this had made the Narnians call their King the Dark King. Was this something that was thought of him locally or just from the exterior?
"I know, but this is a big accusation. He's talking about high treason from some of our dearest allies. I just cannot believe they would do such a thing, after how much we've helped each other in the past. Why would that change?" The blond men wondered out loud. My heart stopped beating as my brow furrowed. Narnia's main allies were Archeland, Telmar, Manis and, after the High King's brief romance with a now deceased princess, Haleia. Which of this countries could possibly want to betray Narnia?
Everybody knew Archeland's King, Lune had been the mentor of the sovereigns. Yet he was the only one that had a military force to oppose. Telmar was still a developing nation that owed most of its growth to the kindness Queen Susan, specifically, had given them. Manis was a rich country, with vast resources that had nothing to envy the Narnians as they had never been interested in the martial field (only field in which the four throne's country overpowered them). Haleia was, of all the before mentioned countries, that only one that probably needed the growth that would come with defeating Aslan's country, but their princess had been engaged to the High King some years ago and that created a strong bond.
None of this made sense and I could understand were The High King's skepticism was coming from. It was hard to imagine anyone raising against such a powerful land, much less the allies that knew could count on their generosities. Maybe that theory had been the beginning of the younger King's illness. A simple delusion. But then, why were his troops missing? Why were they considering this as a possibility? I always knew politics was a labyrinth, but it was hard to process all this. Some said politics were for men, not for women. If they were any less lost, then I felt I would agree.
"Crazier things have happened." The general's words rang true. The Kings and Queens had fought a witch to end an eternal winter. This couldn't be the weirdest he had managed. "I'm going to go help with the army. Maybe I can make this a little better but, consider what I've told you." The creature bowed his head and walked away.
The High King stared after him and sighed. The entire faith of his Kingdom was in his shoulders, put in danger by a fight with his own blood. He was considering treason from his own friends and I found new resect for the men that harbored such stress on a daily basis. Not that I could forgive his omission of the blatant threat on our lives. He looked around him in what seemed to be a calming motion, but his eyes caught me. they widened with realization at the reality. He'd been caught. I bowed my head in shame realizing I should have left when I realized what was being talked about.
"Lady Maucin, how long have you been here?" He'd gotten closer but he seemed much more closed up than before. I understood this was normal. The information I now withheld could be reason enough for various kingdoms to raise against the monarch. That was the last thing I wanted as the peace this world had enjoyed for the past years had been a true blessing. One I wished not to break. Nevertheless, the lives of all ambassadors were in danger and that shouldn't ever be ignored.
A moral dilemma was raging inside of me and I felt sick. Was I to become an accomplice of this masquerade or was I to uncover the comforting lies? I wanted to preserve peace, didn't want to see any men come back with the haunted look that had clouded Blade's eyes last night. No one deserved to know such nightmares. But what if King Edmund saw something real? How could I not warn those around me? I couldn't play around with lives.
"Your Majesty, I apologize deeply for what I've overheard…" I said as submissively as I could muster while my anger boiled ever so slightly at his nerve. How could he be so composed after I heard I could be possibly killed any moment?
"I would greatly appreciate if you kept this words to yourself. You need not worry yourself with such matters anyways." He told me in a kind tone, but his eyes had gone dark. I felt so small, like a spec of dust that could be blown away with the first wind. Still, my temper flashed. I shouldn't worry? I has just heard of the danger I was in and I was supposed to ignore it?
I wanted to contradict him. a retort was in the tip of my tongue, but I held back. I had already angered him and surely King Edmund wanted my death after my ineptitude. No need to worsen the oncoming punishment.
"Of course, Your Majesty" I said, and I hated myself the slightest bit for it. This was court and the games that were played here consisted of venomous lies like the one I just uttered.
"Good." He declared and turned to leave. As his steps counted up to three, he stopped and, without gracing me with his stare he added. "I can assure you are safe. The danger my brother saw was a ghost and if something were to happen… Let's just say the army is better at fighting then they are at marching."
His cape flew behind him as his silhouette disappeared in the distance, leaving me dazed in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. What should I believe? The King truly believed in our safety but his brother, the one who was known for his flare in war thought the opposite. I felt lost, confused if The Magnificent simply wanted my silence with his calming words or if he spoke the truth. I just wished to know something real.
I glanced at the troops one last time, hoping for a certain shadow to appear but he was nowhere to be seen. My head told me it was too late, but the smallest flicker of hope convinced me to wait until afternoon to know. My punishment surely couldn't be much worse than it already was. I would risk only one more night, give myself some closure.
At breakfast my father was calmer than yesterday. His worry seemed to have lessened as no rumor of my honor having suffered circulated the court. Our reputation was safe, and I was glad but couldn't overjoy. Should I tell my father? He knew better than me, that was for sure. He had to know what to do. But what if he got mad and war broke free? What then? I kept myself quiet as some part of me yelled for me to talk about what was on my mind. I nodded and laughed and talked when it was necessary, but my mind wondered.
Worse than the doubt was the guilt: I was putting the worry for my friend away to feel sorry for myself and indecisive. Blade was probably being tortured in a dungeon and I was bathing in self-pity. Why couldn't I stop myself? I could imagine his screams of pain but kept replaying King Peter's conversation in my mind. I felt like the worse person this land had ever had the shame of seeing.
Rita called for me after breakfast was over and managed to distract me. I loved my friend so much. She could take any situation and make it bright with her enthusiasm for life. When seeing me, looking absent and asked what was wrong I was tempted to tell her but couldn't bring myself to. She didn't insist after my pathetic lie and instead told me of a special kind of flower she discovered in the garden.
She took me to where it was but even if she claimed she knew exactly where it was, we spent hours losing ourselves in patios and external corridors. Every time we took what was undoubtedly a wrong turn, she found something to enjoy about it. Whether it was 'the amazing company', 'the new favorite fountain' or even 'the first rock beautiful enough to guarantee I will never trip over it' her cheerful voice filled my ears and brought me joy. We spent the day together and I realized that whatever magic this world possessed my home and the people that came from such a place were still the biggest of wonders.
I needed this. The peace of having someone that loved me for me, that didn't expect me to keep the most important secret in this celebrations to myself. She truly lifted my spirits but the moment we separated to get ready for the ball I felt empty and confused again. I wanted safety and instead only found more troubles every day. I didn't know if Blade was okay or if I was for the matter. How did I ended up finding what the sovereigns kept a secret?
When I entered the ballroom most everyone was there. I hadn't realized my lethargy was slowing my movements. I was late. It was improper. I didn't care. I just wished for someone to tell me something true. To trust any of what was happening around me. My eyes met the High King's briefly, and he seemed to asses me, warn me one last time of the consequences of talking. I nodded and looked down. The last thing I needed was more anger. My only relief was that he clearly hadn't heard about my escapades to his brother's balcony. He had only caught on to my most recent mistake.
I felt like the time would never end. I wanted to scream, show the world the dangerous ground we were walking on and help them save themselves. Except I didn't know if I would be talking about the ghosts of a dying man. Who and what could I trust?
I observed the suspects carefully, trying to find if darkness and treachery lied underneath their peaceful masks. King Lune was being friendly and drinking a bit too much. I he was planning something he wouldn't give himself the benefice of drunkenness. Also, when Queen Susan approached him, he joked and laughed loudly, the way no one could fake to laugh.
Telmar's King, Caspian The First, was more closed up but then again, that was usual in his people. They weren't cheerful, mostly gloom in fact. He seemed attentive to his surroundings but disinterested in the court and it's matters. He was distracting himself. Of course, he completed his role by talking shortly with each monarch, but he seemed to think this a tedious event. It was unlikely for him to try to strike.
Haleia was, to me, discarded before it even began the race. They brought their newborn daughter, barely six months of age. They wouldn't risk her in an attack. Especially since after her sister's early dismiss, she was the only heir.
Manis committee was overfriendly, mainly because their prince was trying too to woo Queen Lucy. No sense in trying to attack. Unless it was all a ruse. Nevertheless, their army was known to be weak and small. They weren't fighters. If they wished to conquer, they would do so through alliances and commerce.
Maybe it was only a ghost…
Then why did that thought feel so wrong?
I kept telling myself that I should worry over what I knew was fact. Blade and I were in danger of being caught. And I worried over the matter. I just couldn't seem to focus on that topic. I was a horrible friend, forcing him to open up before shamelessly ignoring his safety. I felt like the worst person to ever walk this land…
"Arina, are you well?" my father concerned voice made me realize I had been staring at the drink in my hands for a long time. I was bout to cry and didn't trust my voice, so I merely shook my head. "Go get some rest. I'll go see you when the party is over."
A part of me rejoiced that he cared, that he took care of me and didn't just see a disgrace like he said he would. The rest of me, however, hated that I could be happy. I nodded my head and left the ballroom and truly considered going to my chambers. I didn't want any more trouble and maybe if I didn't go Blade could be more discreet. My feet didn't agree it seemed for they took me in the direction of the balcony.
As I got closer my brain looked for danger and hidden eyes. And what I saw terrified me: moving shadows, padded footsteps like those of an animal, flickers of a white tail through the corners. I'd been caught. Why couldn't I stop then? I knew I was already in trouble maybe seeing Blade one more time was worth a bit more trouble. But, was it worth it for him? maybe he had yet to be caught…
No, it was impossible. This place was heavily guarded. He must have been found some time ago. It was worth it: one more night of beauty and adventure. Then danger would be worth it.
It always was.
As I opened the door the flicker of white seemed to get closer. One more look. It would all be better once I saw that moon again. If I could only glimpse at Blade again. And there he was, sitting in the railing, looking to nothing in particular, lost in thought. I closed the door, committing the scene to memory, probably one of the last pleasing sights I would witness. Blade didn't tense as he hoped of the railing with cat-like grace. He turned and his brown eyes made me forget everything else.
"You're okay!" I yelled as I threw my arms around him in the most unladylike fashion, white tail forgotten. I blushed at the thought but didn't let go. Proper manners weren't my priority. He was safe, alive and unharmed. And in my arms.
He tensed under my touch, going stiff as a board. I didn't need to see his face to know his brow was furrowed and his eyes had turned into guns. His arms didn't wrap around me, but I was okay with it. I could feel his heartbeat, his uneven breathing and that was more than enough. As I stayed this way, I realized there was something more to wonder. When I first came here, he was already in the balcony, perfectly calm. He was comfortable enough to read in this place, to light candles. He knew he was safe. How?
The thought made me let go of him and look into his features. He seemed unnerved more than uncomfortable. I wondered when someone last hugged him. It clearly had been too long for he seemed to think the contact as something foreign. His eyes were observing me, calculating my strength and motives. I didn't back down. We both had questions and I knew my behavior required an explanation. I was ready to give it. Patiently I waited as his features softened leaving just a clear hint of suspicion in his brown irises.
"I'm sorry. That was weird thing to do." I admitted with a sheepish smile. He nodded his agreement butt made no further movement. Was he scared? Of a hug? "I was worried about you."
"Why?" his voice was cold, icy even. It was then that I realized this was his method of protection. A cold demeanor to fend away those he didn't consider worth his time. I wanted to be on the other side. I wanted him to consider me worth it.
"I guess I finally realized how dangerous it can be to come here." His look shifted to slight confusion but didn't let go of its previous doubtfulness. "I mean, we are next to King Edmund's chambers and haven't exactly been quiet. We could be disturbing him and if the stories of his temper are true, I wouldn't say taking revenge was beneath him." I explained. I didn't miss the slight hurt in his gaze nor did I understand it.
"I don't think he is that bad." He said in a curt voice. "I thought you would know that rumors are merely a façade. You shouldn't be so quick to judge." I was surprised to hear him defending one of the sovereigns. He had always been so open to accepting their flawed personality. I thought of what he said. I knew rumors weren't always true, but they came from somewhere. Surely, they couldn't be made of pure lies.
"I know they aren't facts, but his reputation has to come from somewhere…." His anger and hurt had made me insecure of my answer. I didn't want him to be upset. Much less because of me.
"And his reputation is that of a man who would kill someone for disturbing his sleep? He is known to be dark and harsh but never to be violent towards his subjects." His defensive demeanor surprised me. Where had I gone wrong? I, of course, knew all of this. It just seemed to me such actions would be a given from his shadowy personality. He was a fair ruler, or so said the Narnians but his wrath was to be feared by all.
"No, of course not. I'm just worried that his illness might have made him more inclined towards this behavior. No one wishes to be bothered in their death bed." I was trying to explain myself, tripping over my own words. I had made a mistake but how could I fix it if I didn't understand it?
"I thought your observations skills you were so kin on bragging about would have made you a better judge. I guess I was wrong. Let me know when you decide to have your own opinion and not a mix of everyone else's." His words stung, for they were true. I was putting myself in a pedestal of talent in deciphering people but had made a man that could very well be honorable a monster over stories told by strangers. He was walking away towards the door, betrayal radiating off him. That is when white fur tickled my memory.
"Wait!" I screamed. He stopped but didn't turn. I could see his attention wouldn't stay on me for long, so I blurted out what was on my mind. "I was wrong about what I said of King Edmund, but you have to be careful. You told me one of the first nights that you shouldn't be here just like me. I saw one of the guards out there and I do believe they followed me. I'm sorry if I hurt you but please, don't put yourself at risk."
My pleas seemed to have the opposite effect of what I expected. He turned to look at me with a smirk. His eyes were still harsh, cutting through me like daggers, but some of the sardonic humor I had come to associate with him was back. "You saw a guard? How do you know it wasn't someone sneaking in just like you?" his question made sense, but I had sensed the eyes on me, calculating, cold, menacing. It was either a guard or an attacker. I didn't knew which was more terrifying.
"Please Blade, I know you're mad at me but listen. I don't want you to get hurt. What I said about King Edmund was my fright for your safety speaking. I don't necessarily think he would hurt you, but his siblings wouldn't be happy about this either. What if they decided this was taking to much liberty and decided to punish you? I'm scared something will happen to you! Please don't risk yourself." I was begging. Outside this room I could never let myself do that. But here, I just wanted to be heard. His eyes softened at my words and only his lips pursed for a moment as a sign of annoyance. That went away too.
"You shouldn't boast accusations like that. Nor assume so much. I'm touched you were worried about me but that doesn't justify your quick judgment. And that is something I just can't stand. You can't say those things without knowing a person." His voice was till a bit hard. It was a warning. A clear one. I took it to heart. I didn't want to cross his limits.
"I know and I am sorry. I'm not saying that just so you will listen to me. Truth is I'm scared. I finally realized that someone might know we're here and I don't think that would just go unpunished. I mean this place is beautiful enough to guarantee some risks, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you." Opening my heart to him felt weird yet right. He wouldn't hurt me with what he found out. And all I said was true. This was a real apology. I judged with rumors and let fear fester in me until everything had been distorted and turned into an apocalypse. This morning, when thinking of The Just King I hadn't use such harshness. My paranoia was taking form in a man that had never wronged me.
"Nothing is going to happen to me. I know what I'm doing and unlike you, I knew this dangers since day one. I still decided to come. Now is your turn to decide if you want to do that or find another place to spend your nights." His anger seemed to have melted away and I couldn't help but be surprised: with his closed-up attitude I always imagined he would hold grudges for long periods of time. Yet he was forgiving. I truly must stop myself from judging this way. I thought of what he said. Was the danger, the fear worth this perfect moments? I met his eyes shyly. They shone with wisdom and curiosity but underneath it all was a strong loneliness, a need to be validated. I smiled softly. We truly were alike.
And getting to see that was worth anything else. If I knew he was safe, then I could only smile when thinking of this nights and this balcony.
"It's worth it." I declared and saw a smile playing in his lips, trying to break his mask. He said no more as he walked to the railing and resumed his previous position staring into space. I smiled and followed suit. I was till scared but when he side-eyed me and smirked I knew everything would be okay. Not that I could be too cautious. "You know, I'm glad you're not in danger but I did see a guard. It wasn't just a Narnian sneaking around. I know what I saw."
He smiled tiredly at my warning. He seemed so exhausted today, more so that I had seen any other night. With a sigh he sat a bit straighter and looked at me. "You can come in. She already saw you." His announcement confused me. Was the white fur his companion? Just as my mind brought a thousand possibilities a gorgeous white wolf pushed the door open with its muzzle. It had beautiful grey eyes that bore into me like a dagger to my heart. This animal clearly didn't like me. I instinctively got closer to Blade in fear. This was, after all, a feral beast.
He smirked and introduced us "Ariana, this is Myra. She's not a guard. She's actually a really close friend of mine who is a bit too obsessed with my security. She comes everywhere with me." The wolf studied him carefully and at his slight nod the wolf turned back to me. Her eyes were calculating, cold. She evidently didn't like me, but I would try my best to change that.
"It's nice to meet you." I greeted with a smile. Myra didn't seem to like that very much.
"She's a danger. She could tell someone." She announced turning to her friend. I wanted to deny it, but she was right. I was a danger to Blade's escapades.
"She won't tell anyone. If she was going to, she would already have. Right, Sunshine?" his interpellation of me took me by surprised but I nodded enthusiastically nonetheless. I just wished for the Narnian to stop looking at me that way. "Plus, I think I can decide who to trust by myself."
"Of course, you can." Was there a slight whisper of fear and guilt in her voice? But it wasn't fear of him. Rather of disappointing someone she truly respected. "I'm just saying that you know little about her and she could represent a threat."
"Myra, being here is a bigger threat than her. I decided to trust her. What else am I supposed to do with my friends?" His words melted my very soul. I was his friend. He recognized me by name and by the trust he decided to put on me. He truly believed I wouldn't hurt him, and I swore to prove him right. I never wanted to harm him. In any way. I had a feeling he thought this way after last night but having the security of his voice announcing it felt like the strongest shield against insecurities.
The Narnian did a head motion I could only interpret as an acquiescent earning her a smile. Yet, when she looked at me, I could see her clear distrust and even slight hatred. I had to prove myself to her. And as she was Blade's friend I was wiling to do so. With a warning flash of her sharp canines she laid down next to the young man, protective.
We stayed in silence for a moment as I, once again, tried to understand this odd and. Their King wasn't guarded in his death bed when a possible enemy was on their doorstep. Who would do such a thing? Unless…
No one at court had been allowed to King Edmund's chambers recently and Queen Lucy hadn't gone to him when feeling upset. This wasn't normal. It was like he wasn't even here. Was he already gone or had something worse happened? Did he leave with his troops? But why?
Maybe I was just being paranoid…
Maybe this kingdoms lies went further than I thought.
"You seem worried." The male was looking at me with a tired yet concerned expression. One a friend would wear. He took my silence as an answer. I had probably confirmed it with body language. I had never been good at hiding my emotions after all. "Want to talk about it?" his invitation was sweet, specially for someone like him, who enjoyed the silence and calm of life. I thought about it. I wanted to take this off my shoulders, but didn't want him to be burdened as he was the only one, I would trust enough to confide in. This was his kingdom after all. It would be much worse for him. I wanted him to be calm and happy like he'd been yesterday. Again, the lack of answer was the better one. We fell into silence.
I tried to forget all that was troubling me and enjoy this moment. I looked at the moon and the thousand stars illuminating the sky. I named a few of them to calm myself down: Sirius, Bellatrix, Lesath. Their names, so mystical, made this moment better. Everything was better now. I looked at Blade. My friend. The thrill of this was still to go away. His face was calm at first glance but when you looked closer you could see his lips turning slightly downwards. There were bags under his eyes and his eyebrows were a bit too close to his eyes in a clear sign of exhaustion. His eyes seemed empty. A clear sign of worry and tiredness. He looked miserable.
"Things are going as great as they were yesterday?" I asked him, trying to sound lighthearted for I knew he wouldn't appreciate the amount of concern I felt. He just seemed so human and breakable. He looked at me calmly but sighed upon realizing that wouldn't be enough.
"Nothing is bad if that is what you're asking. I had a long day and realized things wouldn't be as simple as they seemed yesterday." He explained and I was grateful he'd given me even a bit of an answer in his cryptic way.
"Can I help?" I asked even knowing the answer would most likely be no.
"Not really." To some the silence that reigned us would make it seem like the previous night's improvement was gone but it wasn't like that. This was silence but it was that of two person's letting one another see they were human in their pain. I never thought I would get there with him. I was starting to zone out, tired after the emotional charge of the day and considering leaving for the night when he dropped off his perch.
"Come on." He said walking towards the door. For a moment I thought he was talking to Myra but when he turned to look at me expectantly, I realized he meant me.
"Where?" I asked, slightly reluctant. I trusted him but this was odd, and I couldn't quite understand.
"Well, we're both really stressed out and I thought we could use some help. Come on, I promise you'll like it." He smiled encouragingly at me and I returned the gesture. He wanted to help and even if I didn't quite understand what he had in mind I wanted to see the beauty awaiting on the other side of this risk. I followed him as we left the room towards the silence corridors.
He took us through several halls until we reached a tapestry that seemed irrelevant to me. yet he stopped us in front of it. I tried to look for some kind of hidden message in the represented image that would justify this trip, but I couldn't. It was simply the image of a young boy holding an apple.
"Are you planning on staring much longer?" his mocking tone snapped me out of my over analysis of the piece in front of me. Was there more? I mean, he hadn't moved so this was where he was taking me. What did he want? Sensing my confusion, he smirked and lifted the side of the tapestry, revealing a wooden door. He was taking me through the secret passageways! No guest should ever know where this were and even if wouldn't be able to find my way back here this was a huge gesture. Myra, of course, noticed it to and made her displeasure known with a grunt.
I followed though the door, the thrill of knowing this was forbidden making me smile broadly. There was no illumination and as I wondered how I was supposed to follow he took hold of my wrist to guide. It wasn't intimal contact, more like a convenient method but I still felt myself blush. His hand was warm and calloused and I could tell he was taking smaller steps to accommodate me. I found myself smiling. Eventually we came to better lit hallways, but he didn't let go like I thought he would. Something erupted in my stomach at the thought. Maybe it was still practical to him, but it suddenly felt much more personal.