My father was as speechless as me. One thing was for him to profess his love for me and another completely different thing was to hear of his plans to ask for my hand in marriage. Kings didn't marry bellow their status. Kings didn't marry for love. Even if I had hoped for this outcome and to some extent even expected it, now that his rank had been revealed part of that fantasy had dulled. It was simply not the way of things. I knew Edmund was far from conventional, but this was still farfetched. And yet, in my heart it was already true.
Tears were springing to my eyes because nothing could be more beautiful than sharing my life with this man. The idea of never fearing separation again, of knowing I could love him as openly and deeply as I already did, was, without a doubt, the best idea I had ever heard. I wanted this to be fact, to jump around his neck screaming yes. What version of my future could be brighter than having this man be mine to our dying breath? I knew loving him would be the best thing I could ever do, not because of his title but because of his smile, his innocence and the sweetness of his eyes.
I could see so much at that moment: our wedding and our lives after. I was sure he would insist on hosting a smaller ceremony for our friends and family before we swore our lives to each other in front of an entire nation. I knew I would wear my mother's old necklace, the same she wore when she had married my father, making sure to keep her with me. I could picture his expression, joyous and adoring while he tried to keep a semblance of composure for the sake of his pride. I would insist part of the banquet took place in the beach where we had shared that wonderful joyous night that changed it all.
Later on I could picture our children with his dark hair and skin closer to my complexion and blue eyes like mine. Their hair would be curly and have his adorable nose and my cupid-bow lips. A perfect mixture of his foreign and enticing ethnicity and mine. I could see them running through these grounds, making their father laugh and climbing over his back in the most delightful break of decorum. I could see their toothy smiles and hear their innocents questions. It was perfect. I truly wanted that to become my reality.
"You want to marry my daughter?" My father's voice was chocked and much too gravelly. Surprise was written in every one of his features. I could understand it, of course. He knew nothing of our relationship and even if he were to know, the idea of a King marrying so below his status was simply ludicrous. I held my breath, waiting for his response. Had he meant it or was it something said in the spur of the moment? Ed's eyes finally left my father's, marking the confrontation as over and is opinion as irrelevant as he turned to look at me. He looked flushed and a bit embarrassed and I couldn't help but think he would take his offer back. Of course he would. Why would a Narnian Monarch marry a low Lady from Anur? It was ridiculous. Maybe I should just strive to be his friend or be with him in secret as we had done before. I…
"I didn't mean to ask that way. I really wanted to make the proposal special." He admitted with a self-depreciating smile. I gasped as my intern monologue was cut short. He did want to marry me! The reason he was so nervous was because he wanted this moment to be even more special. In truth, I couldn't understand what could make it better. He wanted my hand in marriage and was making me part of the moment instead of just asking my father. And even if the moment had been a mess, him asking to spend his life with me would have made it perfect instantly.
I loved this side of him. It was the same part that had taken me to his secret spot in the beach, the romantic side that just wanted those around him to be happy and full of the hope he thought himself incapable of. It truly was one of the most beautiful parts of his personality and I was both sorry that the world could never see it and glad that it was just for me. Love is a selfish feeling, after all. And his was all mine. What a perfect culmination to our adventure.
It seemed impossible that we had such a rough beginning. That we had ever not wanted to be with one another when I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore. Had it really only been a couple of short weeks? Was it possible to change so much in so little time? To fall so deeply for someone who still held so many mysteries to me? Yes. It was. What other explanation was there to even begin to explain what was happening between us? I couldn't fathom a single one and even this felt inappropriate, like so little for the real strength of my feelings. Even love was too small a word. This was just too big, too strong for it to be understood with reason.
"Ariana?" His voice was everything that I had ever wanted to hear. It was like the softest of velvets and the warmest of days. It was all the comfort I knew I would ever need and all the happiness I could ever feel. It was my everything. He was my everything. "Ariana, please say something." He pleaded.
I suddenly realized how long I had been quiet, fantasizing about him, not giving him any security that I wanted the same thing he did. I blushed a little, wondering how I could be so dumb. Here he was, putting himself on the line and I was doing nothing. I wanted to scream yes, to hug him, to cry, but no. Something else had to be done because this was his proposal just as much as it was mine, and he wanted something special. Maybe I couldn't turn this into a big romantic setting, but I could at least give him a bit of the magic he had imagined.
"Well, if you want me to say something you're going to have to ask me first." I said in a teasing voice, hoping he understood that the answer would always be yes, no matter what happened because I wanted nothing more than to share my life with him. However the teasing wasn't very convincing as I was already crying with joy. It was taking everything I had no to throw myself in his arms and kiss him until neither could remember anything but the other.
I was overwhelmed to see tears coming to his eyes as well. He looked so wonderfully complete as he looked at me like I belonged amongst the stars. How had I managed to make this man fall in love with me? How had I gotten lucky enough to wander into his balcony that first night? He took a step towards me and had me waiting for the words to come from his mouth. I wanted to hear it; I would never get tired of hearing it.
Until he was suddenly dragged back. I was startled out of my thoughts, expecting to see my father looking obfuscated and having taken a hold of him but was surprised to see Queen Lucy dragging him as she rambled. "Listen Ed, I know you have zero respect or love for these events, but this morning was enough of a disaster. We are not repeating that or letting you slack of on this one. You need to clean your image with our guests, and I will not have any of your nonsense about how it doesn't matter because you know as well as I do that it does, and that the longer you wait the worse it will be."
By the time Ed finally found the coherence to stop her they were half across the garden, and I was laughing uncontrollably. It was true, she had just ruined one of the most special moments in my life but if I knew anything about my beloved was that he would not let this be this way. Maybe this way he could actually do what he had planned and sweep me off my feet. But even if he didn't, the look of complete bafflement and of mortifying regret that was etched in his features was enough to make up for it. Of course him asking to marry me couldn't be traditional, nothing in our story was. This would become a great story to tell our children one day.
"Lu, could you just give me a second, I…" he started but his sister was already pulling him again.
"No. You listen here. Love is beautiful and all but she's not going anywhere, and you'll see her again in an hour. So go, clean up, and try and impress her with your good looks." She berated, clearly not willing to even let him explain. I laughed harder as he turned and shot me the most apologetic gaze I had ever seen. I waved him off with a smile, hoping he knew that I didn't mind in the slightest.
I watched him disappear still cackling at the thought of him dressing up to impress me. I was so used to seeing him in tattered dirty clothes that even just a clean pair of pants would surprise me. I knew that a lot more was going to happen, he had to appear as a King, but I found myself realizing that I didn't want that image. I wanted the unkempt men if only because it was real and that was the greatest gift he had ever given me.
I was going to start waking to my chambers to prepare myself as well when I felt a gentle hand on my arm. My father was staring at me with so much emotions in his eyes that I gave up on trying to decipher them before I even started. I wanted to be offended he had insulted my honor and my relationship with Blade but found myself unable to, as the joy of what had almost happened was still running through my veins.
What could he say when I was so sure of what I felt? I wanted his approval and support, of course I did, but I wanted Edmund much more. I knew if I had to leave him behind I would, even if it hurt because the family I had found in Blade was so much more than I could explain. Still, I hoped the scene he had just witnessed would make him see things our way. Surely if he loved me and had seen how happy this man made me he would accept it. He had to.
"Ariana, I…" he started before his voice broke and he had to start again. "I truly love you and I want nothing but the best for you." I had a feeling I knew where this was going, he was about to tell me to stay away from The Dark King. I couldn't let that happen, I had to make him understand and see things my way. I couldn't let this break us apart.
"He is what's best for Father. I know you don't know him or what we have lived together but he is the best thing in my life. He is my joy and my entire world. I know he made a horrible first impression this morning attacking Prince Agash and whatnot but there is much more to him. He is loyal and kind and brave. He has been there for me every time I have needed him and has showed me a world of wonder I couldn't imagine before I met him. Please Father, don't try to make me step away from him, because I won't." My voice wavered as some of my tears finally fell. I was desperate for him to understand how deep my affection were, how real what he had just seen was and more importantly that he was wrong about Edmund's character. It felt as important as breathing. My father stared at me for a long time, taking in my tears and my worry. My words too seemed to be sinking in and his features were slowly softening. He sighed deeply before letting go of my arm and responding.
"He has a lot to make up for, then." At first the meaning of his words didn't register, and I was getting ready to defend my lover once more. Until they did. He was giving us his blessing. It was reluctant and unconvinced, but it was still there. A huge smile threatened to split my features as I hugged him profusely, mumbling so many words of gratitude at the same time it became incoherent speech rather quickly. The poor man laughed and took me in his arms, rocking me like he had when I was younger, whispering how much he loved me. I was lucky to have him; I was lucky he was giving me a chance.
When we finally separated we were definitely late for the ball but neither of us cared. Teas had dampened both our expressions, but joy was tangible in the air surrounding us. I knew, as he gazed upon me that he still saw the child my mother had left behind and as much as that had bothered me in the past it now made me feel precious, cared for, safe.
"From what I gathered up until now he won't ask, but you have my blessing to accept his proposal." He told me and I couldn't help but hug him once more, letting my tears dampen his tunic. He was right, of course. Ed would never ask him, sure that this was between us and only us. Even so, his blessing meant everything to me. I didn't think the same way Blade did, I never could. To me, this was still vital. And even more vital was that he was understanding how this relationship worked and letting me explore it, even without all the assurance on my beloved's personality I had to gather over the past two weeks. "However," he continued pushing me away so I could look into his eyes and notice the teasing yet serious glean in them. "I do expect him to come to me to discuss the finer details of this engagement. Be sure to remind him of that." I nodded and found solace in his arms once more. I didn't know why everything was feeling like such a huge thing at the moment. It was perhaps the emotions of almost becoming engaged permeating into everything else.
Not long after he was shooing me to get ready, saying that the future queen of Narnia had to be presentable. Hearing myself being called that was overwhelming. I knew my father didn't know it, but I had known Blade to be Edmund for less than twenty-four hours on a conscious level. Anything related to his title was a novelty to me, something I couldn't yet laugh or be giddy about. No, that would take time, and that was alright. A lot still had to fall into place, and I was completely sure it would.
When I reached my room, my maid was climbing up the walls in distress. The day had been so long for me I could almost forget it had been a rollercoaster to her too. From finding a man in my chambers at night, to discovering he was the King, to thinking she had to keep that a secret and that she could get something out of the knowledge, to it becoming public; the poor woman must have felt she was part of a play.
"My Lady, thank goodness you are here. Come quickly, we don't have much time to get you ready. If you wish to maintain His Majesty interest you must look your best." I almost laughed at the idea of having to retain his interest after all we had lived but wasn't given the time to do even that. Before I could chuckle she had me in the bath, scrubbing me clean at a speed she had never worked before. When I asked her to slow down she answered with "His family will never approve of you if you are late to the event. I'm afraid I can't let that happen."
Were it any other family she would have been right, but the Pevensie siblings weren't like other people. I had thrown my shoe at Queen Lucy and she still asked her brother to clean up for me. I had behaved like a spy with King Peter and a couple of days later he was telling me stories to stop me from getting lost in thoughts. Queen Susan was he most traditional one and yet she wasn't, I just had to get through her barriers before I could tell any specific stories about her.
I didn't know if their citizens realized how odd their sovereigns were, but I couldn't stop noticing. You never knew how they would react, and it was then that knowing they came from another world helped. It just made everything seem that much more coherent when it came to them. They had excused more than just tardiness from me and yet she was right, I needed to hurry. Because I didn't have to prove myself only to his siblings, I had to prove myself to his entire country and, on that matter, I was on the wrong track. I would have to work hard for this to work.
After she was done cleaning me, she showered me in oils and perfume, making sure my skin was as shinny as it could become and then forced me into the tightest corset I could remember wearing. She the took out one of my evening gowns and I couldn't help but notice it looked different. The green dress with yellow flowers was still there but now finer embroidery covered the neckline and sleeves. The skirt shone brighter than before and when I went closer I realized it was because ambers were now woven into it.
"What happened to the dress?" I couldn't help but ask as she forced me into it. It looked beautiful and quite a bit more expensive than before. I knew it had never been like this before.
"After I heard of His Majesty's return to court, I rushed it to the palace seamstress to have it fixed. Now it look like something someone courting a King could use." She explained. I was grateful at her thoughtfulness and amazed she had managed such a feat, especially since having such rare stone in the clothing would be expensive. I would have to question that later. However, it also made me realize, along with my father's comment earlier how things would change now that this relationship was in the open. I would soon become the future Queen of Narnia. I wasn't a lesser Lady whose only worth came from the friendship of her father and the King of a small country anymore. Edmund was sovereign of the strongest Kingdom in the Land. Many considered them an empire because of their control of the Lone Island and other small territories. I would be marrying into the biggest power in my world. I would have to adapt many of my habits, not only because of the country, but because my status would change. I felt dizzy just thinking about it all.
I was so lost in these thoughts I didn't notice Maria sitting me in my vanity and applying copious amounts of makeup to my face. She outlined the shape of my eyes with kohl and used pigments to make my lips look redder and fuller than before. She put powder in my nose, ridding it of an unflattering shine, and colored my eyelids. When she was convinced I looked good enough for a future Queen, she ushered me out, complaining about how I would have to hurry to the ballroom to make it on time.
As I entered the room the whispers quietened before they became louder. Of course, the rumor mill was running strong. The small explanation of our relationship given this morning just wasn't enough for this people. Walking through the crowd I heard some whispering that I had already given him my virtue and that was the only reason he was still interested. Many thought he would keep me as a mistress and nothing more. Others were saying he was doing it to try and mock Anur, a small country that could do nothing against his army. The last popular theory was that he was still ill, and this was all due to a fever dream. I hated it all, none of it was true and we were both being painted in a horrible a disrespectful way. I wanted to right the record, but I knew the real story would just make things worse. For court standards, we had both acted like clowns.
I went to the side of the room, trying to give myself some time to cool down so I wouldn't do anything I would regret. My image was already terrible, snapping would do no good and could be very damaging. If this relationship was to work I had to start behaving like the future Queen. Problem was, I had no idea how to do that without seeming presumptuous. No one knew that Ed had proposed to me a couple of hours ago, if I started acting like I was important people would think I was taking advantage of his status. But if I didn't behave with enough poise I could never undo all the damage of letting this people see me breaking down and throwing my shoe at Queen Lucy. I wished I had known who I was getting involved with from the beginning, that way I could have put care in how this people perceived me. I was a lower Lay, people were used to seeing people of my rank break protocol a bit, snicker and forget. I wasn't important enough to them until now. All eyes were following me, like I was their entertainment. I could hear snippets of conversation and convinced myself all was about me, even without any proof. I had failed at something, I was sure. Anxiety was eating me away, this was such a mess already, I shouldn't be hiding, I couldn't behave this way, I should…
A group of women came near me, fanning themselves in an open show of grace. It made me want to cry and hide, they were belittling me, trying to show me how I should act. I didn't give in to the impulse this time, I had to show them I wasn't scared, or they would never respect me when I married into this family. Never bow your head. Except many of them outranked me and it would be rude not to. I was a lesser Lady. Or was I already engaged to the King? I wished that Queen Lucy hadn't interrupted the moment so I could at least be sure of how I had to behave. As it was everything was confusing and happening much too fast, I had to make a decision soon or make a fool of myself and I couldn't afford the second option. Better to play it safe, better to be called humble than stuck up, right?
The group consisted of Princess Adelaide of Anur, the cousin of Prince Agash, the goddaughter of King Lune, three duchess' from Telmar and a couple of marquises from Narnia. I felt incredibly intimidated by their approach. I only knew the royal in the group and had always found her extremely cruel. I knew she was obsessed with status and hated that she'd been obligated to spend time with someone like me. In her mind, it was offensive to even have to look at me, I was less than the dirt in her shoes. And she'd made sure I knew this. This was the first-time conversation was initiated by her.
"Lady Maucin, what a lovely surprise." Princess Adelaide's cold voice hit me like a bucket of ice. Her words were polite, of course, but her voice screamed of disgust, of contempt. She was insulting me, and I hated it. A cold war had settled between us a long time ago, resulting in both ignoring the other as often as we could, freeing me of her torment. But now she was jealous and felt the need to put me down again. Not again, I told myself, knowing it'd be hard to block her hurtful attitude.
"Likewise, your highness." I said, bowing respectfully. I hated it, I hated her, I hated this situation. I plastered the most cordial smile I could on my face and got ready for the litany of passive-aggressive comments that were about to come my way. Politeness would be my armor and as soon as Ed walked through the door I would excuse myself and join him, putting a barrier between us. "Your Graces" I said repeating the gesture with the other ladies. How I wished I was in the balcony right then.
"I'm glad to see you look so put together tonight, we were all worried about you after your behavior the last couple of nights." Commented Lady Alter, one of the telmarines of the group. Her words earned small snickers hidden by fans from the rest. I felt my entire body bussing with the need to do something, preferably slap her but I kept myself rooted the spot and my smile in place. They wanted to play dirty, I could be just as bad as them.
"Yes, I'm afraid love can make someone quite irrational, and being with King Edmund sure has it's effects." I answered with a sweet smile and a bat of my eyelashes, rubbing slat in the wound that he'd chosen me and not them. The reaction was immediate: smiles were dropped, and eyes narrowed before they composed themselves once more. I knew they all felt insulted that, with their presence, his attention had still been on me.
"Yes, he is quite an interesting man, it seems. It was quite chivalrous of him to defend you so intensely this morning." I silently gave thanks that his actions this morning were being excused as an act of protectiveness. Which they were but I was rather afraid it would be taken as provocation. This was clearly a story that had already been turned to our favor. I had two suspects of this deliberate manipulation: Queen Susan and Prince Agash himself. The first made sense since she had left before the troops had finished entering and she would want her family image to be clean. The Prince had, on the other hand, transmitted an extremely supportive behavior this morning. He seemed almost happy of the result our relationship was showing. The story would also be more effective coming from him since he'd been the victim. I was so engrossed in this analysis that I almost missed the second part of her sentence. "It's just such a shame that he wasted so much energy in it." And we were back to the off-handed comments.
"And why would it be a waste? I do believe he showed great character in defending me, even if it meant creating quite a difficult situation for his country. It really shows the length of his affections." I countered. I knew it'd be hard for them to rebut that. It was a real sign of affection, considering how much worse it could have ended, had the culprit not been his friend.
"Well, such an insult to a person of your status should have just been ignored. A royal should never tire himself wit such petty matters as your honor. His time is much too precious." Said Prince Agash's cousin, ignoring the second half of my sentence. Of course, she wouldn't let logic destroy her insult. I couldn't deny her comment hurt. It had happened to me so many times, that I would be insulted, and no one would think it was worthy to defend me. I was just a lesser Lady, the daughter of a knight whose status came only from his close bond with the King.
No one thought it relevant to defend me. In fact, it was almost dangerous, what if someone else found it offensive you wouldn't let them insult someone below them? I had been plagued by people like them for as long as I could remember and could never do anything about it. It was because of this my father had insisted over and over for me to be the perfect Lady. He said it would lesser the hurt if I played along, if I knew I had done nothing wrong. He convinced the insults would stop if I gave them no ammunition and stayed in my place. That, of course, would be impossible after my behavior on this trip. My shield was gone but I wasn't the girl I was when those words had destroyed me.
I had learned a lot since then. I knew that I gave them the power to do this to me and even if I didn't quite feel it yet, the logic behind it gave me strength. I discovered that titles meant nothing: the reason I had what they all coveted was because I had thought King Edmund was a stable hand by the name of Blade. I recognized if I wanted beauty, danger would come my way, but if I stood tall and didn't bow my head I could make it to the other side. I had realized the power of being kind and humble for it had opened the door to a future I thought was only possible in fairy tales.
I knew were my strength laid now. And that made me a giant over these little superficial ants that would forever be miserable trailing after a title.
"I do believe an insult is an insult. No matter who it is directed to. I'm no less worthy of respect than you are." I told the vipers. I saw them opening their mouth, ready to try and negate with words such as 'status', 'noble', 'duchess' and 'princess'. I never gave them that chance as I continued. "His time is clearly not too important as he decided on his own free will to use it in this. It would be a shame for you to insinuate a man like him doesn't know when he is needed. Even worse, what if he was to learn you are questioning his choices and his intellect? I'm sure our host would be quite angry." At that they had all stopped talking. No matter their titles they knew that compared to his, they were worth next to nothing. Any King, other than the Narnians, would be furious to be called inept in the way they were implying. They were backed into a corner. And I was going to take advantage of it. "Furthermore, not defending the woman he is courting, regardless of her title, would be a horrible testament of character."
At that one of the marquises flared up indignantly. "Please, he is far from courting you. You are just a game, something to entertain himself with while sick. As soon as he enters here and sees all the beauty he could have, he'll forget about you." I wanted to scoff at her words. I knew he felt contempt for court life, he'd said so himself at breakfast. He accepted this lifestyle because it was a way to help his people, not because he liked. Women like them could never hold his interest, which was probably he was still not engaged at his age. I knew for a fact she was wrong. He had proposed just hours ago. We were beyond courting, and I was secure in my relationship. It was basically noise to hear her say something like that.
"Yes, you aren't even wearing a sign of his affection." The other Narnian agreed. I realized it was custom for a man to give a piece of jewelry or another show of his affections to the woman he was courting in this country. He had indeed never given me such an object but then again I had rarely seen him having more than just the clothes in his back with him. I wasn't insulted, even if I wished I did have such an item to show. The odd nature of our relationship hadn't allowed for much traditions and that I would always regret. Then again, we had our whole lives to abide such things. Not that they needed to know any of this. "You are just one more girl in his list of conquests." Continued the girl. That comment did reach me. I knew very little of his past, I couldn't be sure it was the first time he had fallen in love. Did he have such a wild story? He was a King; his status would allow him to…
I realized then I was wrong. He didn't care about titles one bit and clearly wouldn't use his to get a woman to like him. He had been so reluctant to tell me. It was ridiculous, a stereotype I was attributing to him in a nonsensical way. Plus, I had seen first hand how he tensed at the slightest sign of affection. He was completely unused to it. If he truly was such a charmer he wouldn't have behaved this way. He did seem to have more experience than me when it came to kissing or other things of the sort, so I knew he wasn't celibate. It was fine. I didn't own his past, but I would be part of his future.
"I am indeed not wearing a sign of his affection, but this doesn't negate the actions you have seen him perform. And that is more valuable than any piece of jewelry he could have given me. You say I am one more entry in a list of woman. I strongly doubt it, but even if it were true it is fine, for I know I will be the last. I don't have to prove my relationship to you or anyone else. What has happened between us, belongs only to us and I have no reason to share it with you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd rather be in the company of someone who will not insult me or my beloved. I wish you al an excellent night." I stated as I turned to walk away. I felt happy when I heard them gasp, knowing the had just lost part of their power over me. Blade's father was right. I should never have to bow my head.
Free of them, I looked at the ballroom, many were still talking about me and I could see that they had overheard or most likely eavesdropped on our conversation. I let them. I would show them all what I was made off, soon they wouldn't gossip this way. I took a glass of wine from one of the servants and surveyed the ballroom. I knew, for the first time in days, that everyone here was safe and that brought me peace like I hadn't known in a long time. I realized how much that tidbit of information had been eating at me without realizing. I felt like ten tons had been lifted off my shoulders. They were safe. I was safe.
I felt someone nearing from behind and quietly lamented the loss of my peace. Surely it would be someone else, trying to convince me I wasn't enough for Ed. I would have to fight again and even if I had won the previous argument I was drained. It had been such a long day and I hadn't slept at all last night. Such thoughts were thankfully displaced when I saw Prince Agash standing next to me.
"Your highness" I said as I curtsied to him. He smiled an almost mocking smile as he accepted the act of courtesy. Seeing that expression, I understood a little better how he was friends with Blade. It was nice and familiar to know he found the gesture empty, at least in certain circumstances. I doubted he would be as radical as the man I had fallen for but that was perhaps better. Maybe this way I wouldn't feel like I needed an instruction manual to follow the conversation.
"Lady Maucin." He replied giving me the nod befitting of his status. He, nevertheless, exaggerated it to show me he didn't believe such a gesture was necessary. I smiled, comfortable with this men. Sure, he had insulted me but had already apologized and had been quite good company this morning. I could see a friendship forming or, if he had his way and married Queen Lucy a good family dynamic.
"I must thank you. I know for a fact you helped make Edmund's slip in decorum this morning look like an act of chivalry. It was very kind of you." I told him because it was true. He had shown he was the bigger person and the last I could do was thank him for it. It had saved us both quite a number of problems and a lot of stress.
"It was my pleasure." He answered with a kind smile. I could see why Queen Lucy liked him, they seemed pretty similar, at least in their core. I hoped things worked for them both, they deserved true happiness. "I truly regret my behavior this morning. It felt like the least I could do." I smiled at him in thanks. He had more than made up for it, he'd gone far beyond. Honestly we were even the moment his life was threatened but I appreciated the gesture.
Silence settled between us comfortably as we both drank a bit from our glasses and looked around. The ballroom looked exquisite I was sure it had too on the past few nights, but my stress hadn't allowed me to see it. Banners were hung from every wall alternating between gold and silver. I knew the golden color represented the two older monarchs and the silver the youngers. I saw that each banner had, indeed, craved in them the personal sigil of one of them. I amused myself noticing that Edmund's was a wolf just like Myra. Had it been because of her or had it just been a coincidence?
"You know he really likes you" said Prince Agash. I turned to look at him, a little surprised he would pick up the conversation again. It made sense since he had been the one to approach me and hadn't said much, but it still unsettled me. I had gotten used to comfortable silences stretching for long periods with Blade, I liked how easy it was to think during them. But this wasn't him and conversation wouldn't be the same. I turned, showing him he had my attention. He did. I wanted to hear what his friends thought of what they could see. "I've never seen him smile at someone like he smiled at you this morning. I don't know how you actually met him since I know the real reason for his absence but I'm glad you did. You're good for him."
"He's good for me too. I know I've been a wreck the last couple of days so it might be hard to imagine it, but he has become my rock." I confessed with a smile. I knew he was hoping for a comment on how we had had actually met but decided against answering. He didn't need to know our love story. That was ours. To my surprise he started laughing a little. I couldn't understand why. I hadn't said anything funny and he had just seconds ago said that he respected the relationship. Why would he laugh now?
"I'm sorry, that was rude of me." He started but I didn't even know what to answer at this point. "It's just that you sounded so similar to him. I always thought you were opposites, but he would have dodged the question the exact same way." He explained still chuckling. I smiled a little. I knew it was hard to see our similarities and the middle ground we had found despite our differences; it was always nice to hear we did have things in common.
"If I didn't like keeping secrets I would have never gotten past first introduction." I said instead earning another laugh I joined happily. I found comfort in turning something that weighted me down as much as it had into a joke. When reality found a way to become humor, peace was truly found. Once we were done I decided to continue the conversation for a bit. It would be good to get to know this man. "How did you two meet, anyway?" I asked kindly.
"I met them all about a year after their coronation at a ball they invited my father and I to. They were different back then, had a horrible relationship and couldn't talk for over ten minutes without Peter or Edmund trying to murder one another. In the middle of the party one of those fights happened resulting in Peter hitting Edmund and him running out. I was terrified of him; he was quite beastly in his younger years and has come a long way." Prince Agash smiled fondly at the memory before continuing. "After the ruckus died down I decided to take a walk through the gardens and heard a weird noise coming from a secluded area. When I followed them I saw him literally chopping down a tree with a sword in his anger, swearing in odd words. It was the first time I saw how talented he was with the weapon and I was hypnotized. When he noticed I was there he just got angrier and yelled more and more. I couldn't move I was so scared but after he finally tired himself out we started talking. I asked him to teach me what he was doing with his swords and somehow he agreed. We've been friends since." I wanted to smile at the story but couldn't quite manage. The violence did scare me even if that time he had at least taken it out on an object and not a person. However, it also showed how common it was or the brothers to reach the realm of physical fighting. Sure, Prince Agash had admitted that he'd come a long way and I knew he himself had admitted to the same fact but the idea of him being violent was uncomfortable.
"Why were they so aggressive with one another?" I asked him, hoping for at least some clarity. It was hard to reconcile the anger problems with the man I had met through this two weeks.
"I don't know. I think it was because they were both feeling quite lost. Pete and Ed have always had this weird agreement to take all their anger out in the other, so that it won't hurt others, but it often got physical." He explained and if it was true 'weird' was too small a term for the reality of it. He was almost implying that everytime they hurt each other it was somehow consensual. I didn't even believe that was a possibility.
"So, they are both okay with hitting one another?" I asked, aghast at the concept. The Prince looked at me and nodded with a grimace, showing the contempt he felt in the weird practice the Kings engaged in.
"They both have a pretty aggressive streak. Well, the four of them do, even if the girls hide it a lot better. According to them, Peter and Edmund reached the agreement after the issue with the White Witch. It was a way to ensure that their anger wouldn't grow enough to push either of them to that point ever again. The amount of times they do it has lessened over the years and now it's quite odd for it to happen. Not impossible, though." He explained, making me want to scream at them. How could they ask their sibling to be their punching bag? How was that fair or even conceivable in their minds? I was about to say so when the voice of memory rang loud and clear: 'I guess, to be fair, the first time I was truly involved in a war I was ten years old. I mean I was always around violence but that is different from war.' This people had been forced to become soldiers before they weren't even out of childhood, they had seen violence all their lives and had been told it was the answer. It was normal for them to go back to it. It didn't excuse it, but it did make sense.
"They've had a hard life haven't they?" I asked kindly. He seemed to know a lot more than I did, which wasn't surprising considering how ignorant I had proven to be about their past and culture. I saw him nod a little and consider his words carefully, probably wondering how much was his place to tell. He'd been raised in clear values, values I could understand since mine were quite similar. It was nice, to feel that closeness.
"They have. I don't think it is my place to tell you much, though. They are different than us, as I think you already figured. They have adapted but in their core, they know something about them just isn't the same." It was my turn to acquiesce. Almost instantly at my arrival I had noticed this and had spent my entire journey confused over their ways. There was a certain roughness to them, an unpolished edge that would have definitely been taken had they been born in their status. This edge is what made them confusing because it kept them free of the silken person the rest of us had grown in. They hadn't had that, though. They were form a humble background and had seen war and struggle since youth. It was quite odd to think that the Kings and Queens could be from a poor environment but if Edmund's diaries and his stories were to be believed, they were. Their childhood was surely focused on survival instead of how to curtsy and what fork to use for salad.
They showed this not only in how they interacted with other but also in how they acted with each other. Their close relationship was a way to feel validated in their behavior and that was probably why they were always comparing others to them; it was to prove they weren't that different. That there was nothing wrong with who they were or how they thought. Of course, worries like that bring you closer to the people you don't need to worry around. I truly hoped I could become that sometime.
Just as the thought crossed my mind, the ballroom's double doors opened majestically and, for the first time this month, the four Narnian sovereigns were introduced.