Season 1 Episode 6: Body Snatchers
Episode Summary: Grauntie Mabel makes a wax figure of herself as a man, only for it to be beheaded. Strangely enough though it's not the headed that's missing, but the body! The Mystery Gang must solve the case before another innocent Wax figure pays the price.
Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.
Body Snatchers (Part 1)
Aw Saturday's what was there not to love? No responsibilities, no reason to get dressed in the morning. Yes truly Saturday's were the best day of the week. Who needed Fridays when Saturday was the real vacation?
"I'm afraid your services won't be required, here, sir."
Stan and Ford sat in front of Mabel's yellow armchair, watching a rerun of Duck-tective. Both boys had gotten their own individual bowls of popcorn, but Stan had finished his long ago, and was too lazy to make another bag. So naturally Stan tries to sneak some popcorn from his brother, Ford smacked his hand.
On the TV, the constable was standing with Ducktective at the scene of the crime: an obviously-fake body had gotten smashed by a falling telephone booth. The constable gestured at it proudly. "My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident."
The duck quacked, and subtitles showed on the screen: "Accident, constable? Or is it...murder?"
"What?!" the constable yelped.
The show cut to a commercial.
"That duck is a genius!" Stan said. He loved any show where the police got shown up, especially by talking poultry, or any animal for that matter.
Ford shrugged, leaning back against the chair. "Eh. It's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground."
"Are you saying you could outwit Ducktective?" Stan challenged.
"Stanley, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell you have been eating..." He sniffed and then frowned. "An entire bag of dog bacon treats?"
"Grauntie Mabel won't let us eat real bacon in the house cause of Waddles." Stan explained. "I was desperate!"
"Hey Chicos!" Ria came skidding down the hall with Fids right on her tail, She had a broom in her hand, her eyes lit up with excitement. "You'll never guess what we found!"
"Buried treasure!" Ford shouted.
"Buried – hey!" Stan laughed, punching Ford on the arm. "I was gonna say that!"
"It's a hidden room in the hallway!" Fids told them. "Come see!"
Ria took the lead and led them down one of the hallways on the ground floor of the Shack. They'd explored it only once before, and it was just as creepy as Stan remembered. It was really dark due to the fact that Mabel liked unscrewing light bulbs in seldom-used rooms, to "save energy" – and the walls were covered with cobwebs and dusty portraits. A grandfather clock stood against one wall, its pale face gleaming in the half-light like a giant eye.
The eye reminded the boys of the one eyed beast Crazy Chui had warned them about. Stan shivered and kept a good hold on one corner of Ford's jacket, just in case.
Just past the clock, there a door recessed into the wall. Something about it looked weird. Then Stan noticed that it looked exactly like the wall – same wallpaper, same molding at the bottom. It was like the door was camouflaged.
Ria held the broom close to her chest, as if trying to shield herself from an impending monster attack. "So, we were cleaning up," she explained, "Then we found a fallen doorknob on the floor."
I placed it in a hole in the wall." Fids cut in. "And wham it opened up to this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy-bonkers creepy!"
Ria pushed the door open.
Creeeeeak.
"What is this, a monster movie?" Stan muttered nervously.
"More like the cold hard truth of reality." Ford told him. "Reality is way scarier than fiction."
"Especially in this town." Fids added as they stepped into the mysterious room, it was dark, besides the fact that the room had a window to the outside.
Ford coughed, and sneezed, the air was thick with the smell of mothballs and dust. Weird figures loomed everywhere, giving an impression of a roomful of shadowy ghost, and ghouls.
Sure, not creepy at all.
Ford clicked on his small thin flashlight which he started carrying on him after the closet monster incident.
Stan couldn't say he blamed his brother, the creepy shapes were actually men and women who had been frozen in time. But they looked ready to come to life at the first sign of the zombie apocalypse, Stan was obsessed with Zombies, it was the only monster he didn't mind his brother rambling on and on about.
"Whoa," Ford breathed, "it's like some kind of wax museum."
Stan was slightly disappointed. "Yeah...wax." he was kind of hopping for Zombies, he always wanted to fight a Zombie!
Still, his "frozen in time" theory wasn't far off. A lot of the figures were people he recognized from history: Queen Elizabeth, who'd been ruling since the Dark Ages...Genghis Khan, who was missing his hawk from the Disney movie but still looked pretty tough...Robin Hood, who loved taking gold from rich people (Stan's kind of guy). There was even a wax Larry King, and Sherlock Holmes, which Ford was already looking over.
Stan took a closer look as well. They really did look like they were real people frozen in time. Elizabeth's scepter shone like real gold (it wasn't, he checked), and he could see the texture of hair in Shakespeare's pointy beard. One wax lady even came with an ax. He tested the blade: it was surprisingly sharp.
"They're so lifelike," he said.
"'Cept for that one," Ford said, shining his light on a wax lady's frumpy purple dress.
"HELLO!"
"GAH!"
Stan Fids, and Ford leapt back from the figure, bumping into Ria, who promptly dropped the broom.
Ford the shone the light on the figure's face. It laughed, its eyes sunken, its hair glistening.
"It's just me, your Grauntie Mabel!" Mabel exclaimed.
Stan, Ford, Fids, and Ria made a mad rush for the door, screaming all the while.
Eventually their Grauntie calmed everyone down, mostly by bribing them with money. (It took $30 dollars to calm Stan down. He would've gone for $50, but Mabel threatened to feed his cash to Waddles.) By then, Ria had found the light switch and screwed a fresh lightbulb into the lamp on the ceiling. The light flickered on, so they could see how creepy the wax figures were up close and personal.
"Behold!" Grauntie Mabel announced, spreading her arms. "The Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions...before I forgot all about it."
"Forgot?" Ford asked.
"They weren't selling anymore." Mabel said. "Apparently this town wants supernatural not real history. Anyway, I've got 'em all!" She said as she walked through the figures, gesturing as she went. "Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes..." She reached a particularly gruesome one with a giant Body and suspenders. "Some Kinda...I dunno, Goblin Man..."
Ford was edging away from a wax statue of Thomas Edison. "Ugh...is anyone else getting the creeps, here?"
"And now, for my personal favorite, wax Abraham Lincoln, right over – oh, OH NO!"
She stared down at a pile of melted wax, which had been directly in front of the window. Lincoln had melted right down to his boots and top hat, which lay in a purplish wax puddle next to the figurine's stand.
Mabel clutched at her fez in frustration. "Oh, come on! Who left the blinds open?! Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking' in your direction!" Stan went over to her as she crouched down and poked sadly at the puddle and groaned. "You know I made all of these." She said. "Every last one."
"Then can't you just make another Lincoln?" Ford asked.
Mabel shook her head. "I have to be inspired." She told him. "Back then I was into history, but when the town started rejecting them, I lost my inspiration and close up shop."
"That's awful." Fids said.
"Aw, cheer up, Grauntie Mabel!" Stan insisted. "Here, wanna pull my finger? Come on you know you want to!" He jabbed her with his finger. She grunted and stood up. Obviously, that wasn't working so Ford stepped in.
"Maybe you can make a new one based off your new inspirations."
"That's it I'll make one based on some supernatural creature!" She exclaimed. "My supernatural creations get plenty of attraction." She exclaimed as she started gathering the melted Wax, come on boys I'll need some assistants."
The boys complied as Ria continued to clean around the shack, and hours later the team was hard at work coming up with an idea.
"How about a horse fairy princess?!" Mabel exclaimed. Shows them a drawing that she sketched in her sketch-book. "She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess! Or a waffle with big arms!" She showed off another sketch.
"Grauntie Mabel maybe you should carve something from real life." Ford suggested. "Like you did before you know, something like- like someone in your family.
"Yeah don't let them haters tell you what to be inspired by!" Stan exclaimed. "Like me and Ford, we don't care that people thing believing in monsters is crazy! Mystery Twins Unite!
"Mystery Twins…" Mabel whispered and suddenly she smiled as the idea dawned on her. And an imaginary light shined on the Stan twins. "Oh, Muse," She said louder, "you work in mysterious ways."
"Why is she looking at us like that?" Stan asked.
Ford shrugged "I guess we inspired her." He said as she set to work.
It took hours for her to carve, and the boys helped anyway they could. Ford started by borrowing Ria's vacuum to heat up some of the wax and make it drip off. Stan collected the wax in buckets so Fids could dye them; the finished figurine would have lots of different colors, but Mabel didn't want to waste time guessing how much wax they'd need of each color. So, she had the boys make ever color she could think of while she carved it all. Then she used the dyed wax on top, to create the clothes, hair, and accessories.
She shaped the general outline of the figure while the wax was still soft from the vacuum. Then she waited until it had cooled to carve out the finer details with a hammer and chisel. Once completed she began to cover it with the color wax, bringing life to her work. She'd started from the top and gotten halfway to the bottom when Stan tapped her on the shoulder.
"Yo, take a break," he said. He held out a glass of juice for her.
"That's not Mabel juice, is it?" Ford asked cautiously, noticing how pink it was.
"Yeah I thought Grauntie Mabel would like some." Stan said. "The Statue looks really good." He said. "But why does it look like a man version of you?" He asked.
And it did, the statue was of an old man with sideburns and Mabel's face. He was also wearing a Red shirt with a blue vest and tan pants. But perhaps the most striking feature was a white and blue hat with a blue pine tree on it.
"I made myself a twin." Mabel exclaimed. "You two gave me the idea." She told them.
"Neat!" Stan exclaimed.
"It's so well thought out." Fiddle ford praised. "You can see his personality just by the way he carries himself."
"Yeah he could be a real person." Ford added.
Mabel looked sadden by his words for a moment but shook it off. "Well back to work." she declared. And soon they were at it again, it seemed to take less time than their first bout of work, and soon they finish the sculpture. Mabel stepped back, exhausted but extremely proud. Ria had come to watch towards the end and clapped loudly.
"Wow," Ria said, a little awed.
"Man, that's one awesome statue Grauntie Mabel." Stan praised.
"You know I think it would be cool too have a Gruncle." Ford admitted out loud.
"Well now you do." Mable declared. "Boys meet your Gruncle Dipper."
The boys laughed at her joke.
"Well go on say hi." She urged them.
"Hi Gruncle Dipper." The boys said warily as they realized she wasn't fooling around. She actually thought the wax figure was real or something.
"I think he could use more glitter though." Mabel said.
Ria nodded. "Agreed."
Ford grabbed the bucket at the same time as Stan, and together they threw a whole bucket of pink-purple glitter at the statue.
"Sooo?" Ford prompted, leaning over her. "Waddaya think too much glitter?"
"I think..." She threw up her arms, smiling hugely. "The Wax Museum's back in business!"
Stan actually didn't mind doing chores the next day. He painted the huge banner they used to advertise the Wax Museum's Grand Re-Opening and had Danny help keep it straight when he hung it across two huge poles. They set up a display of their favorite wax figures on the porch of the Shack, which they were using for a stage. Queen Elizabeth, Genghis Khan, and a few others stood behind Grauntie Mabel's "Twin", which glittered even in the shade of the Shack. They'd set up the rest of the figures in the Museum. All but Edison who Mabel stuck on ticket booth duty with Danny.
Stan's job was to stand on the seat of his diablo bike and wave people into the parking lot with corn dogs. The corn dogs were partly to make him look like a real traffic director, and partly because he was hungry. Waving his arms nonstop was actually hard work, even if he looked awesome doing it, and there were a lot of people coming in. He even saw a huge truck with a couple of guys inside who had to be Danny's uncles or something, they had barrel-shaped chests, bright red hair, and flannel shirts.
He had just waved in a blue van with Gravity Falls Gossiper written on the side, when he heard the "Announcement" music coming from the stage.
"It's starting!" he shouted. He crammed the last bites of hot dog into his mouth and ran to get Ford.
"It's starting, it's starting!" he shouted, but it came out as "Pf ffft, pf ffft!"
Ford cracked a grin. "Um, what?"
Stanley grabbed him and hauled him to the stage as their Grauntie took the podium. Ria, who was handling the music, switched off the radio and set it down behind her electronic keyboard.
Grauntie Mabel tapped the microphone, which gave an ear-piercing whine, and threw a handful of confetti and donuts into the air. "WELCOME GRAVITY FALLS!" she shouted, as crows immediately began dive-bombing the donuts.
Stan took a rubber band from his back pocket, pulled it back with one finger and beaned a crow on the body, scaring the rest away.
Mabel continued like nothing had happened. "You all know me, folks – town darlin' Miss Mystery! Please, boys..." She batted her eyes. (Stan and Ford gagged.) "Control yourselves!"
The audience stared blankly.
"As you know, I always bring this town novelties and befuddlement, the likes of which the world has never known! But enough about me," Mabel said, and grinned. She grabbed the sheet they'd thrown over her replica. "Behold – my Twin brother Dipper Pines!"
She pulled off the sheet. The audience stared blankly at the statue, which glittered and grinned like a Senior-Citizen Barbie.
"Yeah!" said Ria's keyboard. "Y-y-y-y-yeah!"
The audience looked about as unimpressed as possible. One person clapped, and another coughed.
Mabel grabbed the mike from the podium and detached it. "I carved this figure myself." She said, tears in her eyes, "Brought him to life with my bare hands. It took hours to carve and it's covered with our blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!"
Several people in the audience groaned, looking nauseated.
Mabel smiled, tough crowd, but she stayed in high spirits. "Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! Alright, who's got questions! You there!"
"Crazy Chu, local kook," she said, standing up. Several bits of hay stuck out of her hair. "Are the wax figures alive and, follow-up question, can I survive the wax man uprising?"
"Sure! Next question!"
A fat-looking chump with mouse-brown hair and a tacky green shirt raised his hand. "Um, Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper," he said, sweating visibly. "Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?"
"Your microphone's a turkey-baster, Toby," Grauntie Mabel said.
"Well, yeah, but –"
"Next question!"
A woman in a Red dress with Crest-white teeth and shampoo-commercial-perfect hair stood up. A camera man stood up next to her, like they were connected at the hip.
"Tambry Valentino, a real reporter," she said, with a condescending glance at Toby. Stanley instantly disliked her While Ford wonder if she could possibly be related to Heather, Her mom maybe. "Your flyer said there would be free pizza upon admission to this event. Is this true?" she held up one of Mabel's flyers. There was a pizza shaped like a Pac man on it, with a speech bubble announcing "Free Pizza" at the top in orange letters.
"Yeah!" someone else called out. "Where's the pizza?"
"Piz-za! Piz-za!"
"I want my pizza."
"Oh, right Pizza." Mabel exclaimed and walked over to the boxes of pizza that she had ordered earlier, only to scream as she saw Waddles had torn through all the boxes and ate every last slice. "Waddles those had peperoni on that, you cannibal!"
Everyone hears he shouts, and Stan climbed the podium grabbing the box of cash from the ticket booth and ran into the shack, slamming the door behind him.
"What a rip-off!" someone shouted, coughing. Someone balled up their flyer and threw it at the stage, and soon the place was snowballed with them.
"Hey!" Ford grabbed a few and started throwing them back.
The audience stormed off, knocking over chairs as they went. One lady decided that knocking them over wasn't enough and actually broke one over her knee.
"FOR GRAUNTIE MABEL!" Stan shouted, as he stormed back out of the shack and took a flying leap off the stage, flattening the angry chair-breaker. He bit and flailed his fists at her and anyone else who came near, crushing even more chairs to bits in the process. Pretty soon the audience cleared out, although the Boyish Dan look-alikes paused at the exit to punch the poles holding the banner, screaming "In your face!" and growling like grizzlies.
Ford surveyed the damage. The front lawn was covered in chair parts, the banner was fluttering like a torn flag in the wind, and someone had scribbled stuff in red ink on the bottom of one of the poles – he was too far away to read it even with his glasses. He turned around. Up on stage, the podium, Wax Dipper, and the other statues were still intact. Danny was absently scratching his beard like this was just another typical day at the Shack, and Fids was peeking out from behind the podium, wary but unharmed. Stanley grinned. He'd never gotten to punch so many people in one day before.
"I think that went well," he said, as one of the poles came crashing down behind him.
Mable sighed. "At least I still have you." She said to Wax Dipper as she picked him up and carried him inside.
The boys sighed and put the other wax figures back in the hidden room before spending the rest of the afternoon hanging out inside. Grauntie Mabel had closed the Shack for the rest of the day, concerned about getting more angry customers from town.
That was fine with them.
The Twins were lying on the couch in the living room, absently reading Wacky Magazine. Fids had gone home an hour before, stating his dad would be worried. And Mabel was polishing Wax Dipper. She propped it up against her ugly yellow armchair, exactly where she liked to hang out.
Ford grimaced and whispered to Stan. "Do you think she's taking this too seriously?" he wondered.
Both twins looked up at her.
"This guy!" She gestured to her wax twin. "I owe all my success to him!"
"Hey!" Stan yelped.
"Alright, you too, you little gremlins," she said, reaching down to mess up both their hair at once. "Now run along and get to bed! We got a long day of cleaning tomorrow to make up for closing early. Get in your pajamas on – and no, Stan, battle armor does not count as sleepwear!" she added as soon as Stanley opened his mouth. She picked up Ford by the back of his jacket and gave them both a shove towards the hall. "Go, go!"
Ford glanced back. She was leaning her arm against Wax Dipper like they were best friends, sighing "Kids" in a very dramatic voice. Ford rolled his eyes. Exactly how weird was their Grauntie, anyway?
It took Ford and Stan several minutes to get into their pajamas, mostly because neither of them wanted to. Finally, they did it and then went to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
Ford got out their toothbrushes and passed one to his brother. Stan took out the tube of toothpaste and squirted it on Ford's brush. And kept squirting.
"Ew, Stan, stop it, that's too much!" Ford protested. He looked at the droopy mound of bluish paste dripping over his brush. "It looks like a unicorn took a dump on it!"
"More for you, less for me!" Stan chirped, tossing the toothpaste back in the drawer. "Get clean for both of us, Sixer, I'm going' to bed."
"Oh no you don't!" Ford said. He leaped and tackled Stan, sending them both to the floor with a thud. Ford tried to stick his toothbrush into Stan's mouth. "Hold still and clean those pearly whites!"
"Ew! Ugh, Ford, c'mon!" Stan laughed, trying (but not that hard) to shove him off. Ford squealed as Stan started tickling him, and they rolled on the floor, both of them laughing and trying to brush each other's teeth with the toothbrush – which by now was dripping toothpaste everywhere.
Suddenly Stan stopped squirming and Ford nearly hit him in the eye with the brush.
"Stan! Be careful!"
Stan wasn't paying attention. He craned his Body. "Hey, do you hear that?"
Ford listened.
"No!" Grauntie Mabel was yelling. "No, no, Nooo!"
They dumped the brush and ran downstairs.
Mabel was standing in the living room, in the dark, shaking and holding herself. Lying prone on the carpet in front of her, lit by the eerie glow of TV static, was where the wax twin of their Grauntie had been but now only a beheaded head remained.
"W-wax Dipper," she stammered. "He's been – m-m-murdered!"
Episode 6: Body Snatchers (Part 1) END!
Author's Notes: Tune in next week to find out what happens next! Thanks again for reading and please review!
Yours Truly, RoxieDivine ;)