Author's Note: So, I decided to use Stan's nick name for Fids throughout the series for now on. So, Fids is Fids, sorry guys I just got tired of typing out that long name.
Thanks for reading and please review.
Body Snatchers (Part 2)
It just didn't make sense…
It defied everything he knew about crimes that involved beheading.
"I just don't get it." Ford said. "Why behead him if you plan on taking the body?"
"Does it matter?" Stan asked.
"Yes, criminals use to take the heads in order for their victims to be harder to identify." Fids answered, while shaking. After the body was discovered Mabel had told Stan to call Tate to come over and stay with them. She was afraid that whoever did it was still close by, or maybe even still in the house. Tate said he'd be right over with a shot gun to protect them until the police arrived. Unfortunately, since they lived so close to the shack Tate was afraid his house would be hit next so Fids had to come along.
This was unfortunate because Fid's was scared to death of criminals.
"Exactly." Ford agreed. "Why take the time to behead him if they weren't going to take it?"
"Maybe they dropped it by accident." Stan suggested, Fids and Ford gave him a look. "What, it could happen!"
Suddenly a doorbell sounded around them Grauntie Mabel had insisted on calling the cops, who arrived an hour after the call, each with a Starbucks coffee in their hand. They were the same guys who had been policing the lake a few days ago. This time, Ford got a close-up look at them.
One of them was tall and skinny as a beanpole, with a goofy grin on his face. The other was a bit shorter, and wider, with dark skin. The shorter one tried to look more serious, but Ford could tell that neither of them thought this was a real case. They were simply here to assure the crazy old lady that justice would be served…eventually.
'Well not if I can help it.' Ford thought. Sure, he thought his Great Aunt's obsession with her "twin" was creepy, but this meant something to her. In her eyes Dipper was real, and he would make sure that she was honored by getting a real case.
The boys had stayed in the Living room with Mabel while they waited for the cops. Meanwhile Tate had checked every inch of the house for intruders, before looking outside, but he found nothing.
"I got up to use the little ladies room." Mabel was telling the officers, nervously tapping her fingers together. "And when I come back – WHAM-O! A Chopped off head with no body! It just got chopped off, like a TV show right before the commercial..."
Ford eyed the head from the safe distance that Tate had told them to stay. No one in the house had gone close to the crime scene. Tate said it could mess with the evidence needed to crack the case. Of course, Ford knew this to be true what he couldn't figure out was who?
"Who would do something like this?" he wondered aloud. And more importantly, had they been aiming for Wax Dipper, or for their Grauntie Mabel...? True they weren't the same gender, but in the dark, and from behind Mabel and her Wax twin did look very similar. So, who had been the real target tonight?
The beanpole-cop was taking notes in a little notebook while the other officer held their drinks. "What's your opinion, Sheriff Blubs?"
The Sheriff passed his cup back and turned to Mabel. "Look, we'd love to help you, but let's face the facts," he said. "This case is unsolvable."
"What?!" yelped Mabel, Ford, and Stan.
"You take that back, Sheriff!" Mabel demanded.
"Yeah, you're kidding, right?" Ford stepped forward. "There must be evidence, clues... Y'know, I could help if you wanted!"
"He's really good," Stan added. "He figured out who was eating our tin cans!"
Ford nodded seriously. "Waddles the Pig will eat anything."
"Yeah, yeah – let the boy help!" Grauntie Mabel said. "He's got a little brain up in his head!"
The Sheriff snorted with laughter. "Oooh! Would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone!"
"City boooy! City booooooy!" The beanpole officer said.
Ford believed his name was Durland.
Blubs grinned. "Kid, you are adorable!"
Ford stared at him. "'Adorable'?" he repeated. The officers laughed, and Ford felt a weird pressure building up in his head. He gritted his teeth, scowling darkly.
"Look, P.J., leave the mystery-solving to the professionals, okay?" the Sheriff said. The two officers high-fived.
The walkie-talkie strapped to Sheriff's shirt buzzed. "Attention all units, Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe into his mouth. Repeat: An entire cantaloupe."
"It's a 23-16!" said the Durland.
"Let's move."
The two officers sprinted for the door, sloshing coffee and whooping with laughter.
Ford stared after them. 'Is that it?' There was a potential homicidal maniac on the loose and they were going to go watch someone stuff a melon down his throat?! That wasn't even physically possible! Ford shook his head, he was smart enough to solve this case. He knew it, and he was going to prove it!
"That's it!" he shouted. "Stanley, you, me and Fids are going to solve this mystery!"
"We are?" Fids asked fearfully.
Yes, then we'll see who's 'adorable'," he growled. Talking that low made his throat itch and he sneezed.
Stan smiled. "Aww, you sneeze like a kitten!"
Ford glared at him.
"I mean let's turn those beheading jerks into paste!" Stan added.
"But guys what if it's a real murder and not some idiot looking to vandalize property?" Fids asked. "We could get hurt, besides Heather's already gonna flip about the mailbox incident. Now she's gonna miss solving a crime too?"
"Look I know you're scared." Ford said. "And I know Heather will feel left out but this is for Grauntie Mabel."
"Yeah for Mabel." Stan agreed.
Fids still looked scared, but willing. "Okay for Ms. Pines." He agreed.
Unfortunately, Mabel finally remembered that people need sleep at night; practically forced them to go back to head up to bed. However, she was still a little shaken up by the murder, so Tate offered to stay over.
"I would appreciate that." Mabel told Tate. "Fids can sleep up in the attic with the boys."
"Okay we'll go to bed." Ford said on their way up the stairs. "But you have to promise to stay out of the living room until we woke up, so you wouldn't accidentally contaminate the crime scene."
"'Contaminate the crime scene'?" Mabel repeated. "Exactly how many crime shows do you watch, kid?"
"Way too many." Stan answered for his brother.
Ford glared at him.
"What it's true!" Stan argued.
Nonetheless, Mable agreed, and the next morning Ford and the boys got up bright and early to start work on the case. Stan had made caution tape by writing "Do Not Cross" on toilet paper in bright red marker, and then flinging the roll around to mark the perimeter of the room. In the meantime, Ford had set up a bulletin board with "Suspects" tacked to the top. Underneath it was a collage of photographs showing yesterday's audience members, including one guy Ford was almost sure was a ghost because he was so pale and bald. Ford stood back and looked it over, tapping his chin with his pen.
Meanwhile Fids wrote down notes in a note pad of everything Ford said for the case files.
"Wax Dipper has lost his body, and it's up to us to find it," Ford said.
Stan took out the camera from their hiking trip and started snapping pictures of Wax Dipper's head. "This is so cool. We're like a real-life detective team!"
"Yeah I guess this is kind of fun." Fids agreed.
"There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling," Ford continued, turning back to the board. "The murderer could have been anyone."
"Yeah! Even us!" Stan added.
"Really?" Fids asked in disbelief.
"In this town, anything's possible," Ford agreed. He took the journal out of his jacket and started flipping the pages. "Ghosts, zombies...it could be months before we find our first clue."
"Hey look! A clue!" Stan exclaimed.
Ford looked. Stan was pointing at the ground in front of Wax Dipper's chopped-off Head. There were –
"Footprints in the shag carpet!" Fids said as he wrote this down.
Ford examined them closely while Stan snapped more pictures. They were big-ish, definitely bigger than a kid's, and it looked like the perpetrator had walked around the body. In one place, though, he had stood still: Ford could clearly see two prints, a left foot and a right foot, side by side near the body's shoulder. The right footprint had a bit of carpet fluffed up in the middle.
"That's weird," Stan said, kneeling next to Ford. He'd noticed the prints, too. "They've got a hole in them."
Fids wrote this down too.
It was the only possible explanation – shoes with a hole would leave a bit of carpet untouched with every step. Ford started to follow the other prints. "It looks like they're leading to..."
Stan followed him to the back of the yellow armchair.
An ax lay on the ground, its sharp edge gleaming. They gasped and shared a serious look.
Someone trying to kill Wax Dipper wouldn't have bothered standing behind the chair. After all the wax figure could not see them, it wasn't real. But if someone was trying to kill Mabel, then they'd have to sneak up from behind.
Someone had actually tried to murder their Grauntie! And they could have been next!
"Oh man this is as worse as I feared." Fids exclaimed.
There was no time to lose. They decided to go straight to the only lumberjack they knew – Danny! Maybe his uncles from yesterday's opening ceremony had something to do with this.
Stan sure hoped not, they were good friends with Danny, and if one of his family tried to murder their great Aunt it would sure make their conversations strange.
Unfortunately, Danny was out today, and they found Ria at the cash register instead.
"What's up, little chicos?" she asked.
"Someone killed Wax Dipper last night," Ford told her.
"Oh yeah. Heard about that." She nodded with a worried look towards the newspaper stack they kept by the door. "Gravity Falls Gossiper's got a front-page story on it."
"We think we've found the murder weapon," Ford began, but Stan yanked the ax out of his hands.
"Check it out! And it's not the same one we have for making Ford chop firewood. We were gonna show it to Danny." He passed it to Ria.
"Hmm..."
Ford looked at Stan. "Why'd you show it to Ria?" He asked silently. "It's not like she's an ax expert."
Stan shrugged.
"So, what do you think?" Fids asked.
"In my opinion...this is an ax," Ria said. "A strong one, strong enough to cut down the pine trees in the lumber yards." She went on surprising everyone. "What?" She said. "Wendy and I grew up together, we use to help in the lumber yards during summer beak before I started working here." She explained.
"So, it is the Lumber Jacks!" Stan exclaimed.
"They were furious when they didn't get their free pizza!" Fids reminded them.
"Furious enough..." Stanley posed, shaking his fists. "...for murder!"
"Guys careful." Ford warned. "Danny is our friend we don't want to falsely accuse his uncles before we have proof."
"Oh, you mean Kevin and Marcus!" Ria said. "Yeah, they hang out at this crazy-intense biker joint downtown." She wrote the address down for them and gave it to Ford.
Stan nodded grimly. "Then that's where we're going."
"Little chicos this is amazing!" Ria waved the ax excitedly. "You guys are like, the Mystery Gang on Scooby Doo!" she exclaimed returning the ax to Ford.
"Don't call us that," Ford said flatly before heading out the door.
"I told you the Mystery Gang was a good name for us." Stan teased.
"Just focus on making us some fake ID's." Ford ordered as he packed the ax back in his backpack with the handle sticking out.
Stan grabbed Fids note pad and began doing just that. Waddles oinked at them as they passed, drawing Mabel's attention. She'd pulled up onto the lawn in Ria's pick-up truck.
"Hey, kids!" she called. "Give me a hand with this coffin, would you?"
"A Coffin?" Stan asked, as they walked over. She was muscling a large oak coffin from the bed of the trunk. It slipped out of her grasp and landed body-first on the ground, narrowly missing Ford's feet. He stepped back quickly.
Mabel leaned on the truck, breathing a little heavily. "I'm doing' a memorial service for Wax Dipper," she explained. "Something small, but classy."
"Sorry, Grauntie Mabel, but we've got a big break in the case," Ford said.
"Break in the case!" Stan echoed.
"We're heading into town to interrogate the murderer." Fids said, half hoping she would put a stop to them.
Stan grabbed the ax from his backpack. "We have an ax!" he said, pretending to chop the air. "Ree! Ree! Ree!"
Mabel squinted thoughtfully. "Hmm...sounds like the kind of thing a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing...good thing I'm an aunt! AVENGE MY BROTHER, KIDS!" she shouted. "AVENGE HIM!"
FORD winced, man she was really taking this thing seriously. Maybe she did need the funeral, maybe it would bring her closure.
Stanley covered his mouth to keep from giggling, and the boys began walking around town when they'd finally found the place they were looking for. It was called Skull Fracture and there was a big muscly guy in front, just like in the movies. They'd hid behind a dumpster to scope it out. Well – Ford and Fids had hidden behind the dumpster. Stan had climbed straight into it. Old guys had B.O., right? So, he figured a little dumpster dive would help him smell older.
Ford crept along the dumpster and peered around the corner. He checked the written address Ria had given him. "This is the place," he said.
The boys all peeked out again just as the muscly guy looked their way. They jerked back with a gasp.
"This is so cool!" Stan exclaimed.
"Got the fake IDs?" Ford asked.
Stan grinned and passed them to Ford. His brother looked up at him. "Seriously, Stan?"
"What? They're fake! Give me a break." Stan shouted.
His brother sighed. "Here goes nothing."
The bouncer was scowling at nothing in particular when he was approached. He took one look at the ID he'd been handed and raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry, we don't serve miners," he said.
The miner waved his arms – and his pickaxe – in frustration. "Daaaaang-nabbit!" he grumbled. He spat on the ground and shuffled away.
The boys walked up next. The guy looked even bigger up close. He had a nose piercing just like a bull between his nostrils, and tattoos stretched across his biceps, triceps, and forearm-ceps.
Stanley puffed out his chest to look bigger. "We're here to interrogate Kevin and Marcus, the lumberjacks, for the murder of Wax Dipper," he said confidently. He and Ford, and Fids held out their cards. They were sort-of fake, which meant that they were actual IDs he'd pick-pocketed from the people Stan had fought in the audience. He'd scribbled pictures of him, Fids, and Ford in crayon and taped them to the picture part of the ID.
The guy shrugged. "Works for me."
He pushed open the door with one hand. Stan grinned and practically ran inside, Ford and Fids following behind him.
The interior was just as dark, smelly, and crusty as Stan had pictured it would be. Most of the lighting came from cheesy neon signs on the walls, saying stuff like "Exit", "Neon," and "Bikers Only." The place was a mostly-guy zone, with everybody wearing bandanas around their foreheads and sleeves with their shirts rolled up. There was a huge fight going on between four guys in the middle of the room, which everyone was totally ignoring, even though fists and a couple of teeth were flying through the air.
"Now this is my kind of place," Stan said as they walked in, stepping over some guy who lay flat on the floor.
"Alright, let's just...try to blend in," Ford said.
"Says the guy who smells like baby wipes," Stan said.
"To the guy who smells like rotting grapefruit." Fids added as Ford hiked his backpack higher on his shoulders.
"Just stay put. We'll be back in a minute, okay?"
"You got it!" Stan hopped up on a barstool, next to a teenage biker dude with spikes in his black leather vest. He whipped out a deck of cards from his back pocket and tapped the guy's thick arm. "I'm thinkin' you're a poker guy. Am I right?"
The guy snarled. "Texas Hold 'Em. Got it."
Stan grinned and fanned the cards. "Wanna make the game more interesting?"
Meanwhile Ford and Fids walked over to Kevin and Marcus, who were taking turns arm wrestling a robotic arm machine.
"Marcus and Kevin, just the guys we wanted to see." Ford said, trying to sound brave as Fids hid behind him fearfully. "Where were you guys last night?"
"Punchin' the clock." Marcus answered as they continued to arm wrestle.
"So, you were at work?" Ford asked.
"No, we were was punchin' that clock!" Kevin says as he points to a broken clock outside.
"10 o'clock, the time of the murder." Ford said thoughtfully as he looked at it. "So, I guess you've never seen this before?" he pulls out the axe from his bag and shows them.
"Listen little girl!" Marcus shouts.
"Hey, actually I'm a—" Ford began, but Kevin cut in.
"We wouldn't pick our teeth with that ax. It's left handed! And we only use our right hand, the MANLY HAND!" He shouts as he rips the machine's arm off and beats the machine with it.
"Left handed...?" Ford asked thoughtfully and snapped his fingers. "That's it!" he exclaimed as he raced back over to his brother with Fids not far behind.
Ford tapped his Stan's shoulder. "Stanley! Big break in the case!"
Stan scooped up a whole punch of money from the table and hopped off the stool. "Later, guys!"
"Hey, don't forget our rematch at the Diner Thursday." A Biker yelled after them.
"You got it!" Stan said.
Once they were out of Skull Fracture, Stan dumped his money in Ford's backpack as Ford filled him in on what he'd learned as they headed down the street. It only took him a minute to explain what happen, but Stan was already confused.
Stan stared at it doubtfully. "Left-handed? How can you even tell? Are there even left handed axes?"
"He's a lumberjack, Stanley, of course he would know."
"As in you have absolutely no idea." Stan translated.
Ford grabbed the note pad from Fids, where he'd written down a list of people from yesterday with columns for being left- and right-handed on the side.
"These are all our suspects," Ford said. "Kevin and Marcus are both right-handed. That means all we gotta do is find a left-handed suspect, and we've got our killer."
"Okay fine we'll follow this lead, but I still don't get it." Stan admitted.
"It seems pretty strait forward to me." Fids said.
"Right." Ford agreed. "Let's find that murderer!"
They high-sixed, and set off to work, but it was a lot harder than they thought.
For one thing, Ford's list was over two pages long. And the writing was tiny. Stan thought they should just go door to door throwing things at people to see which hand they catch with (which they did end up doing for the angry lady, since they didn't want to get near her. Turned out to be a good call – they threw a baseball and she crushed it with one hand.)
But stick-in-the-mud Ford thought that someone would eventually call the cops on them, plus doing the same thing over and over might call the murderer's attention to what they were doing. So, they had to come up with a lot of different ideas for how to tell if someone was right- or left-handed.
Crazy Chu was easy – they found her in the dump, fighting with a baby alligator. She waved at them with her right hand, which the alligator was already attempting to swallow whole.
Next up was a guy who wore a shirt that read "Make Pizza Not War". (Did he have any other shirts?) Ford pretended to be a delivery guy and knocked on his door, asking him to sign for an empty box. Make Pizza Guy signed with his right hand and Ford walked away – with the box, which made Stan laugh at the expression on the guy's face.
After that came a guy with a cast on both arms...a girl with a cat tucked under her right arm...another guy who was spray-painting a park bench with his right hand to make it look like it was covered in bird poop... Stan lost track of how many people they'd checked, but it felt like hundreds.
Stan was lying flat on the sidewalk, hoping if he played dead, he wouldn't have to move another step, while Ford checked on a guy called "Lefty" at the bowling alley.
He heard the sound of Ford's footsteps coming back. "Please tell me that was our guy," he said.
"You really are tired," Ford commented. "But No, apparently 'Lefty' is just his nickname because you only see him from his left side. There's something definitely suspicious about that..."
"Ford focus." Fid's warned. "One mystery at a time." he reminded him.
"But we're done?" Stan stated. "Right?" he asked.
"Almost." Ford said as he held the notebook in front of Stan's face. "There's only one person left. Ring any bells?"
Stan grabbed the notebook, his eyes widening as he remembered yesterday's events. "Of course, it all makes sense!"
Fids ran to a pay phone nearby and called the police, and in seconds they were at the murderer's current location: the office of the Gravity Falls Gossiper!
Episode 6: Body Snatchers (Part 2) END!
Author's Notes: Tune in next week to find out what happens next! Thanks again for reading and please review!
Yours Truly, RoxieDivine ;)