Now I know it has been a bit, but ya know how it is with college and all. End of the semester jazz for me. But this chapter has been finished and tmart.x13 and I are ready to show you guys! So let's get to ti then! Enjoy!
Ch. 22
Days had gone by and turned into a week, and then that week became several weeks until already a month had passed. It had been that long since Zack had started to work under his new mentor Angeal… and it was also when Cloud started to see less of his brother.
Cloud would see Zack when they were at home, but other than that, their time together was scarce. However, with the passing weeks, even their time together at home had grown shorter. Zack was usually working with most of the upper classes while also having to work longer hours with his increased responsibilities. Therefore, Cloud would usually end up going home by himself.
Occasionally, he would see Zack at work, but they would not get much of a chance to interact as the latter was consistently around some of the other SOLDIERs as time passed. Cloud would want to grab his brother's attention, but then he would shy away because of other people being around. Because of this, Zack had even started going home later as well, which Cloud assumed was not always because of work.
Many nights had passed just like that, and Cloud would stay awake at home and hoped that Zack would be there before he decided to sleep. However, it was wishful thinking as he would always grow tired and pass out before he ever saw his brother. He did wonder when things would go back to normal though.
It was not that night, however, as Cloud started to experience the same things once again.
Cloud had not even waited by the door at the Shinra Headquarters this time as he decided to just head on home. He had a feeling that Zack was somewhere else, and besides that, he was actually tired from the day. Normally, Cloud could walk home in about fifteen minutes, give or take a few. But today, as well as the past few days, he drug his feet, quite literally, in an effort to get home.
His mind wandered briefly as he walked sluggishly towards on the path towards their small apartment. "I guess it's gonna be another boring day...nothing to do. I don't even care to go home. But there's nothing else to do. Maybe I'll just sleep when I'm there so I don't have to think of any of this...I don't know…"
He had finally reached the destination in no time at all as he reached up to unlock the door, and after he did, lugged himself inside and closed the door again. He dropped his belongings on the floor and made way towards his room, hoping the bed would be a bit of relief. "This really sucks…" he groaned as he fell onto the bed face first, his last words being muffled by the sound of soft sheets against his sullen face.
As much as he tried to hold it back, the tears came rushing down his face. It didn't happen every night, but some just felt worse than others. He didn't care to wipe them away either. He just let them fall off his face and onto the bed sheets beneath him.
The range of emotions inside of him stirred as he tried to do sometimes at least to relax himself. But nothing seemed to be working. He wanted all of it to just stop. He wanted to just be able to go through his day normally… but what he had gotten use to as a normal day… was no longer that.
Everything had changed since Zack moved up to 2nd class.
Now he hardly got to see Zack. They didn't get to have their morning training sessions anymore, so Cloud was always left to just working out in the gym by himself. He missed being able to train with Zack like that. And on top of that, the overall part of not seeing Zack was the key part of the sadness in him.
Then there was when he did see Zack during work. How he saw him walking around or talking with other 2nd class SOLDIERS. Not even noticing that Cloud was in the area. Cloud hated that. He hated seeing Zack so cheerfully chat with others. He hated it… he felt jealous towards the others. Zack was always talking to them now… and not him. Though maybe the sadness also lingered into his mind from that as well.
He just wished that he could have more time with his brother again.
He wished things could go back to how they were. Back when they were always together. But he knew it wouldn't happen. Cloud figured he wouldn't get a lot of time to be around Zack even when he finally made it to 2nd class.
Slowly Cloud closed his eyes, and a chill was sent over his body. He started to think back to when he was a child. He had been wandering through Gongaga all alone. He couldn't remember anything and had no idea where to go. He had felt lonely, lost, and scared.
But that was when Zack had found him. Zack came to him and told him that they would be friends. Zack… was his first friend. His… only friend now that Cloud really thought about it. But it still mattered to him. Zack was the one who saved him from being all alone. Zack was the first one to show him a kind smile and friendliness.
But now it almost felt like it was all slipping away. The friendliness and kindness Zack had shown him… without Zack being there now… it felt like it was gone.
"You just… g-gonna forget about me?" Cloud muttered aloud. He knew he was alone, but speaking aloud was better than just thoughts in his head.
The emotions deep within Cloud started to push up to the surface. Everything had been boiling up, but he tried to keep it pressed down. But now it was just at the point where he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't hold them back any longer as he let out a sob.
He didn't care anymore about holding back his feelings. He just had to let it out. He cried harder as he gripped the sheets tightly. His vision blurring and throat starting to become sore from his loud and many sobs. He became lost within his own thoughts and feeling again as he couldn't stake of the thoughts about Zack not being there for him. He wanted to be by Zack's side again. He wanted to stay close and be around his big, caring, brother. But now it felt like his brother didn't even notice him anymore.
Cloud curled up, bringing his knees to his chest. He continued to let out his sobs as he let in the cold and lonely lingering thoughts into his mind.
Zack was exhausted once again after the day's events and could not wait to get home. He had started to grow accustomed to the enhanced workload of a 2nd class SOLDIER, but tiredness would creep in from time to time still. But today, he actually had gotten off earlier than expected. Once he had finally left the Shinra building, a sigh of relief came from his mouth.
"Man, I sure am glad to be done today," he uttered as he trotted towards home. "I guess Cloud already made it home. Since I'm off done already, he shouldn't be asleep maybe. I'd like to spend some time with him even if for a bit."
At that though, Zack decided to speed up his pace in an effort to reach his destination more quickly. It was only a few minutes walk, but he still wanted to just get home and relax. It would not be too long until he was there at least.
Roughly an hour had passed now into the night as Cloud had laid in the same position, not moving for any reason. Sobs still emitted from his dry mouth and his eyes had started to hurt from the overflow of emotions. In frustration, he bawled his fists up and began to beat against the bed repeatedly, his strikes growing harder each time.
He screamed out. "It's not fair! It's not fair! I always get left alone! I hate it! I hate this feeling!"
After pausing for a brief moment, he was back at it again. "AHHHHHHHHH!" The frustration was apparent in his voice as it cracked under the strain. It echoed through the apartment building loudly, so surely others could probably hear him. But at that moment, Cloud could care less.
Just as he had stopped his obscene yelling, a door slammed shut. It was soon accompanied by a familiar voice. "Cloud?! Was that you? What's wrong? I'm coming!"
It was Zack's voice that penetrated through Cloud's thoughts. His brother was home earlier than normal today. It took him by surprise, but he still continued to sob. Soon, he could hear footsteps beating against the wooden floor quickly as his door was flung open. But he didn't move a bit.
Zack sighed outwardly as he grabbed his head. "Oh no, not again." The worry obvious in his voice.
He rushed forward and got to the bed on which Cloud was laying as he tried to see what was happening. Had it been another nightmare? Surely that could not be the case with it being this early. He reached towards his brother and turned him over, and it was then he saw the dampness of the sheets. Cloud had been crying again.
Zack placed his arms under Cloud's back and slightly elevated him to rest on his arms. It was true that he was sore and a bit tired, but he had to put his brother first right now. Though, there was a part of him that wished Cloud would try to get better and grow up already. Maybe it sounded a bit selfish, but it was a small lingering thought in the back of his mind.
But, then again, he had no idea what was actually wrong. So he needed to find out. "Hey hey hey. What is it now? What can I do to help? Just tell me…"
"Oh… so now you care," Cloud muttered quietly, his throat still sore and dry.
"Huh, what do you mean by that buddy? Of course I care. I always care for you. Where is that coming from?" Zack questioned with a puzzled look on his face.
"Then where have you been? You haven't been here for me. Y-You're… just forgetting all about me," Cloud said, sniffling slightly.
Zack stared at Cloud as he cocked his head to the side. He was trying to understand what Cloud was saying. "Cloud I'm not forgetting about you. I've always been here. You know that," Zack said softly.
Suddenly though, something clicked for him. "Wait… are you talking about how busy I've been lately? I'm sorry if that's had you worried Cloud. I'm here right now at least…" he trailed off as he tried to find more words to say that would help his brother.
"But you are forgetting about me!" Cloud yelled suddenly. A spur of anger starting within him. "I see you… I see you all the time talking and hanging out with those other SOLDIERs."
Zack gasped. He tried to formulate his words as best he could. He couldn't believe that Cloud would accuse him. "I'm not forgetting about you Cloud!" he said with a slightly elevated voice. "I know I'm with others some more now, but can't I have other friends? If you saw me why didn't you say anything if you were spying? You know you're always welcome," he ended with a huff.
Cloud tensed up and unlocked himself from Zack's arms. "No. It's not the same. You're making new friends… an-and leaving me behind. Leaving me… to be all alone again." The anger slipped away and was replaced with deep, sad, teary eyes only moments later. "And I don't wanna be alone a-again."
"I'm around most of those people daily for work, so it would be weird if we never got to know each other, so I am making friends. That's what people do. I told you before. I'm not trying to leave you behind. It's just… I didn't know work was going to be like it is. Com'on Cloud…" Zack said trying to reason with Cloud.
"B-But…" Cloud started as he whimpered. He rubbed his arms, looking as if he was cold and that he was trying to warm himself. "I… I feel alone. Without you around much… I'm alone all over again…"
Zack was about to say something, but he held his tongue. He knows that Cloud needs to learn how to do things on his own, but that would come later. He just wanted his brother to be all right for now. "Look, c'mere Cloud," Zack said as he held his arm out to wrap around his brother and pat him on the back. "You're not going to be alone. I'll help you with that okay? It will take some time but we can do it."
"But how? I am trying… trying to get through each day without you around. It's hard though. Still lonely…"
"Well, that's what we have to work through. I'm here right now, so I wanna help," Zack said with a reassuring tone. "I know that you find it hard without me around, but I can't always be around you know?"
Cloud frowned as he averted his gaze away from Zack. "Yeah… I know… But I just don't know what to do sometimes."
"I know, I know. The first thing is remember what I told you all those years ago. The year that I left. Because I knew that you would be lonely." Zack coughed as his tone switched to a more direct approach. "Tell me...you survived two years without me there back home. So, how did you manage to do that. We can figure it out.
"I… I don't really know. I just focused on training and wanting to see you again. The thoughts of being with you again was what kept me going," Cloud started. "I know you said you believed I could be on my own… I just don't know how I did it."
"That might be what you have to try again if it helps. Just think of being able to see me again while you are working or doing something else. Besides, you're older now so it should be easier I would think," Zack trailed off as he thought.
Cloud had not responded to him yet, and suddenly a thought came to Zack's mind. "Hey Cloud...did you ever have any friends while I was gone? Or have you any here now? I'm just wondering."
Cloud hesitated for a minute, thinking over if he really wanted to tell Zack the truth. Part of him worried that Zack would be upset or disappointed in him. But he took in a deep breath and decided to just tell him. "No… I didn't. I tried a few times… but I couldn't ever get to talking to others. And no, not here either."
Zack hummed. "Let's see…it's not a bad thing that you didn't make any. It's not always easy. But, I think it would be a good idea to try though. Cause I may not always be around. I want to be around with you, but it sometimes doesn't work. So, is there anyone that you have met here since you've joined SOLDIER? Surely there must be someone."
"Hmmm… I guess there is one person. A guy talked to me briefly in the gym some time ago. I think his name was… Marcus?" Cloud said, trying to recall the talk he had over a month ago.
"Oh so you have met someone! That's good to hear," Zack remarked excitedly. "Maybe you could try to find him again or something? At least being around others will give you something to do as well. Maybe that can be what helps you get through the day huh?"
"Maybe… It's a bit hard for me… with making friends. With you being my brother it was easy to play and talk with you. Others, who I don't know… not so much. I'm not sure if i could…" Cloud paused for a moment before he looked right back at Zack. "But I know you would tell me to try right? I mean if you can easily make friends… I guess I could too."
"That's the spirit there! I know you've had a harder time than I do. You're not me after all," Zack chuckled. "But as long as you try, that's what matters. I know that you can do it. For both of us… You know, if I'm honest with you, doing the stuff with the others just isn't the same as spending time with you. I wish we had more time together too."
A small shiver when up Cloud's spine as he heard Zack say 'For the both of us…' He couldn't quite understand why, but he chose not to dwell on it. Now was not the time for something like that. He looked to his brother and smiled a little. He knew his brother wanted him to be strong, so he knew he had to try. "All right then. I shall try my best again! And yeah… I wish we did have more time together. Maybe… when we are both in 1st class? Would that be possible?"
Zack raised his hand to his chin and thought for a moment. "Well… I'm not quite sure. I assume 1st class work will be even harder. Maybe in 2nd class, but it's just too hard to call. We'll see when we get there though. Just don't give up and remember what I've told you now all right?"
Cloud nodded as he thought over everything Zack again. He felt silly now to have thought that Zack wasn't there for him. It felt even foolish to even think that would ever forget about him. A few tears trickled down Cloud's face as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against Zack's shoulder.
"I'm sorry Zack. I'm sorry I yell at you before… I j-just was overwhelmed. I didn't mean it."
"It's all right. You don't need to worry yourself over it. I'm sorry for not being able to be around more now. I'll try to be as much as I can. Something like this won't come between us." He placed a hand behind Cloud's head as he allowed his brother to just stay there for a bit.
"Thank you Zack," Cloud said, speaking quietly. He slowly placed his arms around Zack and held him tight. Finally his entire mind and body relaxing and calming down. "Thank you for always being the best big brother. You always know what to do and say."
"I try my best. I'm glad that you're at least feeling better now. Why don't we do what we can tonight while we have time then. Spend it together. We can do anything," Zack suggested with a small smile.
Cloud smiled back as the two held an embrace for a little while longer. Cloud finally felt much better than he had before. He now had a new mindset, determined to do better. Even though he knew Zack still couldn't be there for him all the time, he was going to try to not let it get in his way. He was going to do what he could to improve.
So we hope that you guys liked this longer chapter. Hope you enjoyed the feels that we put into this. Cloud is finally working through things now and will be making some friends hopefully in the future :D
Thanks again for the support on the story guys! Let us know what you think so far.