Chapter Nine: Bitter Parting
This time, Escanor knows he is dreaming. He is back in the woods, the tall white birch surrounding him and silver leaves falling like confetti. Slowly he walks through the trees, enjoying the sun on his face and the cool breeze, until he comes upon Merlin crumpled on the ground.
With a shout he hurries forward, but she rolls over and smiles at him sleepily. "There you are," she murmurs, sitting up and stretching. "Where were you?"
"I don't know," he answers and sits on the ground next to her.
Merlin moves closer, and Escanor nearly chokes when she climbs across his lap. She is draped in his arms just as he had held her before, but instead of being unconscious she is looking up at him with a lazy smile. "Were you very scared?" she asks.
Escanor nods. But before he can say anything, a loud noise erupts in the forest. It buzzes something awful, like two large stones scraping together, mixed with the drone of a beehive. "What is that?" he gasps, looking around in alarm.
"They are cutting down the forest." Merlin yawns and stretches again when the noise sounds again.
"But why?" In the distance, he can see a tree fall.
"Because of the Holy Knights," she replies. Escanor looks down to see her falling asleep again. The noise comes every few seconds, in time with her breathing. "They want to destroy everything."
"We can't let them," he insists, and opens his eyes, the dream dissipating at once.
For a moment he takes a deep breath. Merlin is still warm against his side, and he tightens his arm around her waist. But then the noise comes again, startling him, and Escanor's eyes fly down to her face.
She is tilted a bit, her head back, and mouth open. When the noise comes again (and goodness it is loud, louder than anything he remembered hearing), he realizes she is snoring.
Escanor bites back a laugh. Merlin does it again, and again, until finally he is shaking with laughter. How could a creature who looks so beautiful in sleep make such a god-awful racket? Gently he shakes his arm, patting her hip. "Merlin? Merlin, time to wake up."
She makes a sound as she jolts, her eyes fluttering open. He stifles another chuckle watching her blink and get her bearings, but then freezes when her hand presses on his chest. "What time is it?" she asks.
Suddenly a flash of embarrassment has him pulling his arms away. A quick glance at the window shows a bit of light streaming in and he answers, "I'm not sure. But I don't hear anyone else in the tavern, so it must be fairly early."
He expects her to move away, but instead, Merlin settles against him again. He feels frozen as he stares at the ceiling, listening to her small yawns and feeling her body adjust as she stretches her muscles. It is peaceful, and intimate, but nonetheless, Escanor smiles. He must admit it is a huge relief that she is okay, and he wonders what she would do if he pressed her closer, or if he told her how scared he had been.
"Thank you," she murmurs. "I'm sorry about all that. I honestly… didn't believe the stories."
Escanor huffs a little laugh. "Yeah, me neither. Now we both know."
There is a pause before she says, "I'm glad you're here. I know this entire journey has been difficult, and I haven't made it any easier."
The words remind him of what Elizabeth had said to him, and he clears his throat. Does her apology mean she likes him? If so, what is he supposed to do with that information? You care for her a great deal, don't you? Maybe… maybe? He doesn't know, and sweat breaks out on his brow. How was he to know these things? And would it even matter? He is working for her, they are about to start a possible war, breaking a dozen different laws being in the tavern, and now this?
Escanor tries to think of a response but fails. Before he can make sense of any of it, Merlin pulls away and slides to a sitting position. He is a bit sorry for it, but Escanor tells himself it is losing the warmth and not for any other reason. He slides up a bit too, resting back on the pillows. Crossing his arms, he asks, "What happened to you in the forest?"
"Nothing." Quickly she turns and swings her legs over the side of the bed, her back facing him.
"Merlin, I found you unconscious on the ground." She does not answer, so Escanor heaves a sigh and leans forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs. "You can tell me." Still all he receives is the stubborn silence, so he says a bit snappily, "I can't protect you when I don't know what I'm protecting you from."
"I told you what the forest does. It shows you visions." Merlin crosses her arms. "Believe it or not, there are one or two things that can frighten me."
"Elizabeth said something about your father." She looks at him sharply over her shoulder, and Escanor holds up his palms. "Wait a minute, don't get angry. If it's any consolation, I… saw my father in the woods too."
"Your father?" Merlin frowns and turns to sit profile, examining him. "Why? What did he do?"
Now it is Escanor's turn to try to evade the question. "Doesn't matter."
"Yes it does, actually. I didn't tell you this, but…" He is taken aback as he watches her think for a moment. "I'll tell you why in a moment. But for now, will you answer me truthfully?"
Escanor nods warily as she continues, "Your father was an important man, was he not?"
"You could say that."
"And you were born for an important role? Something by birthright?"
"...Yes?"
Merlin leans forward eagerly, and that glint in her eye that tells him she is working out a puzzle has him shrinking back. "Your powers came to you unexpectedly, did they not? You were perfectly ordinary until a sudden change came over you?"
Escanor frowns. "I think it's that way for all knights."
Slowly a smile spreads over her mouth, and she climbs onto the mattress to perch next to him. "When I said I was going to Vaizel, I said I was looking for something the other side needed. To find it before they did." Her eyes travel over him, making the tips of his ears hot. "I think I might have found it."
"W-what are you talking about?" he stammers.
"King Baltra had a power to see visions. Prophecies, if you'd like. He knew there was a coup coming… it's one of the reasons Elizabeth managed to escape." Merlin is practically vibrating with excitement as she explains, "One of the final ones he had was of a son cast aside, one born to rule, one with a power unlike any other. That person will lead Britannia into a new era of peace. He will banish the demons from this realm forever and rule as king over free men."
Escanor's mouth drops open, but Merlin continues eagerly, "You saw your father, correct? I assume it was not a pleasant reunion, since you had told me you had no family. Did he send you away? Was it because of your power? Or were you—"
"That's enough!" Escanor jumps to his feet and paces away, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. "It's none of your business what I saw or who I am!"
"Escanor," she says seriously, "do you understand what I'm saying?"
He whirls on her, suddenly angry. Her changes in demeanor and accurate guessing about his past stir up a deep anxiety that, combined with the mixed emotions of losing her and saving her, make his blood boil. "I understand perfectly," he snaps. "You think I'm some sort of… what? Savior for Britannia? Well you're wrong."
"Escanor—"
"I'm not some hero that you found wandering around, and I'm sure as hell not some experiment for you!" The words come out in a jumble, harsher than he intends, and when her expression turns to hurt he looks away. "I'm not any of those things. I'm just your bodyguard. I'm here to get you to Vaizel, and then I'm gone. That is all."
"What about the resistance? And Elizabeth?" Escanor winces to hear the slight increase in pitch in her voice. "Even if you're not the one who I'm looking for—and I really believe you might be—you made a promise!"
It seems so juvenile, so silly coming from her that the accusation fuels his ire. "No, I didn't. I agreed to help if I could. Well I can't. You don't know what my power can do. I'll be of no help to you or the princess."
Merlin scrambles to stand. "That's not true—"
"All I want to do is deliver you to dog-danged Vaizel, get my power back, and leave! I don't want any of this, and I certainly don't care about knights or kings or your dang gum prophecy!"
"I know you really—"
"You don't know anything about me!" he shouts. Suddenly he thinks of the king in the forest, his mother face down in blood, his brother dead at the foot of their father's throne. "There is a reason I don't have a family anymore, Merlin. There is a reason I—"
He presses his lips together, and Merlin bites out, "What? What is this big secret you won't tell me?"
The accusation stings. "You're one to talk. You've told me nothing—"
"I told you everything!" Merlin storms around the bed, coming right up until they are chest-to-chest. Despite being a foot shorter than him, she glares up in a fury, fuming as she says, "I told you about the resistance. I told you the truth about Elizabeth. I even told you about the demons. You want to know about the forest too? Will that finally satisfy you, and prove that I'm not a liar?"
Suddenly uncomfortable, Escanor stammers, "No, you—"
"I saw my father all right. He's been dead since I was a child and I saw him in the mist." Merlin's lip trembles, which makes his heart clench with guilt. "He was an utter fool of a man who experimented with the demons, just like the Grand Master is doing now. He found a way to travel to their realm, and when he got back he was never the same, and I was glad when he finally—"
Escanor's mouth opens in surprise just as Merlin steps back, as if realizing what she had just said. "There, that's the truth, are you satisfied now?" she whispers. "This is why I want to help Elizabeth. Why I need to find this person who will bring peace to Britannia. My father opened the door to the demons, and now I will do whatever it takes to make up for his mistake."
The air between them is thick with tension. Escanor's stomach sinks like a stone as he watches Merlin's shoulders rise and fall, her face turned away from him. Shame floods through him for forcing her confession, especially since she was right; she had not been exactly forthcoming at first, but Merlin had never lied to him. "I'm sorry," he finally manages. "I should not have called you a liar."
"Then you'll help me?" she asks as she looks at him. "You'll stay?"
Escanor takes a deep breath. "No," he says quietly.
Merlin makes a noise in her throat, and then storms into the washroom, slamming the door behind her.
Escanor sits on the attic balcony that juts from the window of Gowther's room. He had been there most of the day, not wanting to be anywhere near Merlin or the others. After Merlin had gone, he quickly changed and headed downstairs, finding only Gowther and Elizabeth awake. The princess offered him tea and breakfast, but he declined, demanding to know how far to Vaizel.
"About four or five hours, I think?" she answered with a frown. "Is everything all—"
"I'll be outside until then," he had snapped.
No one has come to question him, for which he is grateful. He watches the sun move in the sky as the landscape slips by, until finally, well after noontime, the walls of the city can be seen in the distance.
Escanor presses his lips together at the sight. Vaizel had been one of the last places he had visited as himself, assuming that the rumors of Castellio would not have made it this far to the east. He was wrong, however, and had been turned out of the city like a cursed omen, beaten and humiliated. He could have protected himself, could have hit back at every man who threw a curse or a punch at the exiled prince of Castellio, the rumored monster who had killed the royal family. But why bother? No one would believe him, and it would only prove himself to be the freak they all suspected.
When he gauges they are about two miles away, Escanor heads back inside. The others are in the main room of the tavern, and Merlin ignores him pointedly when he enters. "Meliodas," he calls, and all conversation ceases. "Stop the tavern. I'm getting off here."
"But Vaizel—"
"You heard me." He points at Merlin, who glares at the table. "Let's finish our business outside."
No one speaks as he turns and opens the front door. There is a little porch where he stands, waiting with arms folded as the boar slows to a stop and slowly sinks into the ground.
The bell chimes as the door opens, but he is surprised to see it is Elizabeth who emerges. "Sir Escanor," she says, "I don't know what happened, but if you could—"
He holds up a hand, interrupting her. "I'm not staying. I can't. I can't go into it, but believe me, this is for the best." Elizabeth blushes a bit, and Escanor sighs. "I wish you all the best. Baltra was a good king, and none of you deserved this."
"Merlin told me you met him," she says quietly. "Is that true?"
Swallowing thickly, he answers, "Yes. I was a child, and my father had business with the king." Escanor clears his throat, telling himself it isn't a lie, not really. "I was just a young thing then, but I remember your sisters, and you, barely walking. Your mother wore the same earring you do now."
A tear slips down her cheek. "I wish you would stay with us," she murmurs.
There is a twinge in his chest as he wonders if he is making the right decision when the bell rings again. Merlin steps out this time and looks at him coolly as Elizabeth quickly excuses herself. "I have your payment," she says, holding up a little satchel.
He takes it from her, trying to linger as their fingers touch, but Merlin snatches her hand away. The change from this morning, when he had gazed at her sleeping and laughed at her snores, how she was warm and smiling and curled against him, is so different that it hurts. And it is his fault, he knows this, but still… Escanor must do what he can to protect himself, and protect everyone else.
"And the rest?" he asks curtly.
Merlin purses her lips, giving her the look of a sullen child for a moment. She reaches out and grabs his hand, and Escanor's chest constricts to feel her soft skin. But Merlin is all business, turning his palm up and resting hers on top. Her fingers brush his wrist like a kiss as she murmurs a few words.
Heat flares between their skin, and at once he feels the rush of something in his veins, lava that travels through his body. Escanor can hear better, feel the air, taste every blade of grass that surrounds them. He blinks in surprise at Merlin, wanting to cheer, but her ashen face makes him hesitate as she turns away. "There," she says coldly. "Our business is done."
Escanor blows out a breath he did not realize he had been holding, his neck on fire. He tries to think of what to say, suddenly not wanting to leave. Not like this, anyway. "Merlin, I…"
"Go ahead," she says tightly before turning back to the door. "Take care of yourself. And thank you." Then the bell chimes once more as she disappears inside, leaving him feeling like a fool, holding a bag of silver coins and an empty hole in his chest.