Part 2

Adam stepped out of Freya's room in paediatric ICU straight into the arms of his girlfriend.

"Hey" Rachel said, hugging him. "My shift is almost over. How's Freya?"

"There's no change. But she's not worse, so that's something." Adam looked at his watch. "It's morning already?"

"Yeah. Have you been up all night?"

Adam ran his hand through his hair. "I guess so. Time stands still in this place, I had no idea it was so late."

Rachel looked over Adam's shoulder through the glass window in the door. Freya lay still, tubes and wires linking her to machines that were monitoring every function in her body. Beside the bed, Hailey dozed, her head resting on a pillow wedged against the wall.

"Hailey's sleeping, that's good."

Adam nodded sadly. "Yeah. She's exhausted. How long until morning rounds? I want her to sleep as long as possible, she needs it." He turned to look at Hailey too. She didn't exactly look peaceful, but she at least looked less distraught than she had for the last 15 hours while she'd been awake. If the doctors had more bad news for them about Freya's condition, he wanted to spare her from it for as long as possible.

"About half an hour" Rachel replied. "How are you doing?"

"I'm worried" Adam admitted, "but I'm alright. I'm used to this." Rachel rubbed Adam's back soothingly. It was small comfort when his daughter was so sick but he appreciated the gesture.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee, or breakfast? The cafeteria should be opening up soon."

Adam felt too sick to think about eating, but he knew he needed to keep his strength up. Who knew what the day ahead had in store? "Thank you" he said, hugging Rachel back. "A coffee would be great. And maybe some eggs or toast for Hailey."

"No problem" she said. He released her and she reached up and stroked his face.

"I have to get back in there" Adam said. His tone was apologetic, but Rachel nodded encouragingly.

"Go" she said with a smile. "I'll be back soon."

Adam crept back into the room as quietly as he could and resumed his vigil over the sleeping Freya from the opposite side of the bed from Hailey. He felt helpless. He was used to working a problem, solving a case, doing some good in the world. Sitting around and waiting to see if his baby girl would wake up and be okay was agonising.

Hailey stirred and sat up, dazed.

"Good morning" Adam said. He spoke quietly, wanting to ease Hailey back into consciousness.

"How is she?"

"No change."

Hailey took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay Hailey. You need to sleep. I was watching her. You know I'd wake you if anything happened."

Hailey smiled weakly. She knew. If she could count on Adam Ruzek for anything it was too watch over their little angel and protect her no matter what.

"Rachel went to go and get us some breakfast. You should eat something."

"Rachel's here?"

"She was on a night shift. She was there when you came into the ER. You don't remember?"

Hailey shook her head. Yesterday was a blur, she didn't remember much of anything from the moment she found Freya unresponsive. She was so focused on Freya and what was happening with her, that very little in the periphery registered. But she did remember Adam being there. Adam was always there.

Freya's little chest rose and fell gently and rhythmically. It was comforting. As long as there was air in her lungs and a heartbeat in her chest, she was still alive and there was still a chance.

"She's strong" Adam said. "We've been here before and she's got better and come home. It will happen again."

Adam wasn't sure if he was saying those words to convince Hailey or himself. But he felt like projecting the idea out into the universe couldn't hurt. They were both quiet, letting the words hang in the air.

"Do you want to go and freshen up before the doctors come by? I'll stay with Freya, I promise."

Hailey nodded and stood up slowly. All her joints were stiff from not having moved for hours and her whole body ached. She had to walk past Adam to reach the door and as she passed him, he reached out and took her hand.

The tiny being lying in the incubator in front of Hailey looked like a doll, not a living child. But she was. She was Hailey and Adam's child. That fact alone was overwhelming. Born too soon by emergency c-section and clinging to life by the fingernails from her very first breath, the doctors had only given the little girl a slim chance of life. But here she was, one week later, gaining weight and strength, and improving every day.

Her lungs were under-developed and her immune system was at risk. No one had been allowed into the room unless sterilised, and while Hailey was recovering herself from the operation, she had to make do with hourly skype updates from Adam and far too many photos on his iPad to count.

But now here she was, right in front of Hailey's eyes, and Hailey still couldn't believe that she was a mother, that she had a daughter. It was all so surreal. "Can I touch her?" she asked the nurse on duty.

"We can do better than that. I think she's well enough for a cuddle" the kindly NICU nurse said with a smile.

Hailey looked up, her eyes wide with a mixture of fear and excitement. "Really?"

"Absolutely. Just for a little while. Here, take this pillow." She placed the pillow on Hailey's lap and walked to the incubator.

Hailey looked around for Adam, and saw that he was standing right beside her with a grin on his face and tears in his eyes.

"Are you sure? She's so tiny, I'm scared I'll break her."

The nurse unclipped the door at the side of the incubator and lifted the baby, careful not to dislodge any of the wires or tubes she was connected to. "Don't be scared. These little ones are tougher than they look."

Hailey began to cry. But for the first time all week, they were not tears of fear or pain, she was just so overwhelmed with emotion there was nothing else to do. She felt Adam plant a kiss on the top of her head but all she could look at was the baby. Her baby.

The tiny creature was placed in Hailey's arms and she took a deep breath. Hailey never thought kids would factor into her life, she thought long ago that her career would always come first, that nothing in her life would be more important than that. She was wrong. Nothing now mattered more than this little girl. She was a mother now, and whatever conditions this child had, whatever other facts about this whole situation were, that simple realisation was the most overwhelming of all.

Adam crouched down beside Hailey and gently stroked the baby's cheek. "Hey baby girl" he said quietly. He sounded just as shocked as Hailey felt.

"Have you chosen a name yet?" the nurse asked. "It would be nice to call her something other than Baby Girl Upton."

"Ruzek" Hailey said. "That's her last name." She smiled at Adam but looked quickly back to the baby. Hailey felt like she could stare at her forever and never grow tired of it. "We have some ideas, but I couldn't name her without meeting her first."

Adam put his arm around Hailey. "You can choose, you did all the hard work. I like all the ones on the list."

Hailey smiled, testing out all the names in her head to see which suited the baby most. Finally, she nodded, certain she'd made the right choice. "Freya. Her name is Freya."

"Every day I wonder if we did the right thing, bringing her into the world when we knew what lay ahead. Was it selfish? At the end of the day Freya's the one who is suffering and in pain. We may be her parents, but what right did we have to make that choice?" Hailey's fears streamed out of her in a torrent of words the way they did when she was frightened or nervous.

Adam was patient, over the years he'd learnt the best way to calm Hailey down. They were not as close as they once were, but he still knew her. He hoped he still had the power to comfort her as he once had. "You can't think like that, Hailey. She deserved a shot at life just like anybody else. I don't regret our decision, not one bit, and I know you don't either."

Hailey wiped the tears from her eyes. "I don't. But it's so hard, and there are some days when I think all the stress and the strain might break me. But then I hear her laugh, or I see her smile, and all that melts away. I can't imagine my life without her."

Adam stared down at Freya. Her little face showed the world clearly what condition she had, to many she would appear flawed, damaged, but to her mommy and daddy and everyone else who loved her, she was perfect. Adam and Hailey didn't see what everyone else saw, all they saw was their daughter. The way her eyes lit up when she heard music and she wold start dancing and giggling no matter where they were. How she loved colours and could be mesmerised for hours by a rainbow pin-wheel or a colourful poster on the side of a bus. They saw the million little things that made her who she was, and the only thing they would change was her damaged organs that all too often got in the way of her living the life she enjoyed so much.

Another tear slid down Hailey's cheek. She couldn't imagine her life without Freya, but she was all too aware that one day she may have to. She knew she had to stay positive, that it wouldn't do Freya any good if she lost hope. But Hailey had spent every single day of Freya's life so far expecting the worst and doing everything in her power to prevent it from happening. She supposed that was the reality for every parent, whether their child was sick or healthy. Hailey would never know. Lord knew she could never go through this again.

Adam's phone vibrated in his pocket. "It's my dad" he said when he read the message. "He wants to know what's happening. He asked to come down."

Hailey shook her head. "I don't want anyone here. Please. I'm sorry, I know everyone's worried, but I can't…" Hailey started to breath in short sharp breaths and Adam immediately put his phone away and went to her, walking around to her side of Freya's bed to stand beside her.

"It's ok, I'll tell him no. It's alright Hailey."

"I can't face anyone. I know they all care about Freya too and want to help, but it's too much."

"Hailey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Everyone will understand. If you want some time alone, just say. I can go right outside."

"No. You should be here."

It was true, part of Hailey wanted to be alone, but Freya was Adam's child too and she would never dream of preventing him from being by her side. It was more than that though, if Hailey was honest with herself, she wanted him there.

They hadn't been together for a long time. By the time their relationship broke down, the stress of Freya's illness and trying to keep it together became too much to bare. They were arguing constantly and no one was happy, least of all Freya. They realised that in trying to salvage their relationship they were doing more harm than good and they had called it a day. But in breaking up, a strange thing happened. They found that without the complications of romance they were stronger, as individuals and as parents. Their new dynamic worked and in times like this there was no one else Hailey would rather lean on.

"Good morning. Happy birthday."

Adam woke Hailey with a kiss and she smiled. "What time is it? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Adam shook his head. "I've got the whole day off. I wanted to spoil you."

Hailey sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "Is Freya awake?"

"Not yet. We've got some time."

Hailey had seen that naughty glint in Adam's eye many times. "Have we got time for that?" she asked with a laugh as he kissed her neck.

"There's always time for that. But first…" Adam rolled off her for a second and opened the top drawer of his nightstand.

Hailey caught a glimpse of a velvet box as he rolled back over. "Adam…"

"Relax, it's not what you think it is." He gave Hailey a peck on the lips and settled down beside her. "I know you don't want a ring, as much as I want to give you one. But that doesn't mean I can't buy you diamonds."

Hailey opened the box. Inside was a beautiful silver bracelet. "It's beautiful. I don't know what to say. Thank you."

"You're beautiful. And you're very welcome."

Hailey placed the box aside and pulled Adam's face down to meet hers. "I love you." There was a time when saying those words to this man seemed like the hardest thing in the world, but Hailey had been through so much since she couldn't remember why. The last 18 months since their daughter was born had contained some of the most joyous and the most heart-breaking days of Hailey's life. But today was a good day, she could feel it.

"I love you too." Adam ran his hands through Hailey's hair and looked into her eyes. She was beautiful and he couldn't believe his luck. But he also knew how much that soppy stuff embarrassed her, so instead he pushed her back into the pillows and kissed her deeply.

The baby monitor sparked to life and Adam groaned. "Don't move" he said, "I've got this."

Hailey lay back, content and smiling, and watched him walk out the room. She could hear Freya's babbling over the baby monitor and then Adam speaking to her from the nursery. "You sure can pick your moments, missy" he said. Hailey imagined him scooping the toddler from her crib and holding her high I the air the way she loved. "Alright, I guess you're up now huh? Let's go wish Mommy a happy birthday."

Later that day, Hailey watched Freya toddle towards the slide, holding Adam's hand. The sun was shining and it seemed like the whole of Chicago had chosen to spend the day in the park. It was noisy and hectic, but Hailey didn't care. The rest of Chicago could do whatever the heck it pleased, there were only two people she really cared about.

Adam lifted Freya onto the top of the kiddie slide and held her steady as she descended into Hailey's outstretched arms. The pure joy on Freya's face was the best birthday present Hailey could ask for. Her little girl's laugh was worth a million diamonds as far as Hailey was concerned. She lifted Freya into the air and she clapped her hands for more.

"Alrighty" Adam said, and as he took Freya from Hailey to go again, he beamed at Hailey and she knew he was enjoying this just as much. Moments like this made it all worthwhile.

Later still, Hailey walked into the kitchen to a scene of happy chaos. Fresh from a long hot shower, Hailey felt happy and refreshed and the sight of her two favourite people only added to that feeling.

"Smells good" she said, kissing Adam on the cheek. He stood at the stove stirring something in a pan.

"Lunch" he said. "I'm making risotto and grilled chicken with asparagus."

"Fancy" Hailey said. She turned her attention to Freya sat on a play mat in the middle of the kitchen floor, surrounded by wooden spoons and upturned pans. She lowered herself to the floor and sat in front of her daughter. "Hey, are you helping Daddy cook?"

"She was" Adam said over his shoulder. "She got bored and wanted crayons."

Freya held an orange crayon out to Hailey and carried on scribbling on the note paper with the purple crayon clutched in her little fist.

"I'm gonna need a new sous chef" Adam said jovially, stirring the risotto. "But she's happy, that's all that matters."

Hailey leant over and kissed the top of Freya's head, inhaling her scent, a mixture of talcum powder and baby shampoo. It was true. Freya was all that mattered.

"We were happy once weren't we?"

"Darlin', I've never been happier in my whole life as I was when we were together as a family."

It felt like days since they'd rolled Freya into this ICU room, and they were stuck in limbo. There had been no change in her condition for hours, she hadn't got worse but she hadn't got better either. She was stable, but not well enough for transfer to Med where her heart surgeon was based. The doctors at Lakeshore were great, but they didn't know Freya's history like Dr Phillips did. She had been Freya's doctor since the moment she was born, she had monitored her and operated on her ever since. They had spoken to Dr Phillips often since Freya came in. They were monitoring her closely for any signs of change, but still Hailey felt uneasy.

With nothing else to take their minds off their worries, Adam and Hailey tried their best to remember the good times, to hold onto them like to a boat in a storm. That day, Hailey's birthday, was one of the last truly happy days they could remember. Because it was only a few weeks later that Freya ended up in resus for the first time and everyone realised just how sick she was.

Thinking of the happy times brought tears to Hailey's eyes, but she never wanted to stop remembering. Especially when Freya was so weak and helpless now, she needed to remember those times she was full of life and curious about the world. She needed to believe there were days like that still to come.

Adam had been dozing, he hadn't slept properly for almost 40 hours, when he was woken up by Hailey gently shaking his shoulder.

"Adam. Dr Roberts is here."

Adam roused himself quickly and was immediately on alert. But the doctor's calm expression made him relax.

"It's good news" Dr Roberts said. "Her stats look good. We can start to ween Freya off sedation."

Adam heard Hailey left out a huge sigh of relief and instinctively he held out his arm to embrace her.

"I know it's scary" Dr Roberts continued, "and don't get me wrong, she's not out of the woods by any means, but she is improving. Let's take her off sedation and go from there, hopefully she'll wake up in a couple of hours."

The doctors and nurses left the room and Adam stood up, hugging Hailey out of pure relief. "She'll wake up" Adam said in a whisper, but Hailey wasn't sure whether he was saying it to her or himself.

She rubbed his back through his sweater. "I hope so."

A few minutes passed and still Adam held Hailey. He could hold her forever. He wanted to kiss her hair too, the way he always used to when she needed comfort. But it wasn't his place anymore. He released her and silently stepped away.

Hailey watched him pull over a chair and sit down beside Freya's bed and take her hand. She could tell that despite his best efforts to pretend otherwise, Adam was barely holding it together. When she came up behind him, his shoulders were tense under her hand, and while he didn't make any move to throw her off, he also didn't accept the gesture. Quick to dish out comfort to others, Adam Ruzek had a hard time accepting it himself.

They were both still figuring out where they fitted into each others' lives, where the new boundaries were that hadn't existed between them for a long time. It was a now familiar dance they did. Holding each other one minute like nothing had changed, and growing distant the next. It was exhausting, but neither of them knew how best to make things right.

Ignoring all the warnings in her head that were telling her to let Adam deal with his feelings in his own way, that it shouldn't be her comforting him, it should be Rachel maybe, or no one at all, she refused to leave Adam's side. "Listen, I remember all the reasons we can't be together. Things got bad and it was affecting Freya. She comes first, she has to come first. But that doesn't mean I stopped caring about you, Adam. I know how hard you try to be strong for us, but you've gotta let me be strong for you sometimes too. I know how much you love Freya, I know you must be feeling everything I'm feeling. Lean on me, accept my help. Please."

Adam said nothing, but a tear fell from his eye and landed on the bedsheet.

"Hey, you heard what the doctor said, and you said it yourself. She'll wake up."