Tom answered almost immediately.
"Alex!" His voice came out loud and clear through the phone. He sounded exhilarated and breathless, as if he'd just run up three flights of stairs. "Hi! I was just about to call you! How's it going?"
Alex's mouth curled up in a small, pleased smile at Tom's words, and he curled up on his side facing the door, propping his phone against his pillow. "I'm okay. How was your trip?"
"It was awesome! I nearly fell to my death twice, and Ad'ifaah like, prayed over me for 20 minutes when we got to a resting spot, which made Jerry cry because she was very earnest, and he's baking her a cake at this very moment to drop off at her apartment tomorrow."
"Oh wow. Busy trip then. I'm glad you're not dead."
"Oh me too. And then when we got to the top, uuugggh Alex it was so sick, I'm sending you pictures right now."
His phone -bloop-ed with incoming messages. Alex took a brief moment to scroll through them, before raising the phone back to his ear.
"Okay, it does look pretty sick."
"Right? You'll have to come next time we go somewhere. Anyway, we spent the night at this like, super rundown cabin that looked like it was going to fall down if you kicked it wrong, and…"
Tom chattered on for a few minutes, Alex tossing in commentary now and then.
"Anyway," Tom finally wrapped up. "How have things been with you?"
The silence after that question stretched just a few moments too long.
"Well," Alex said slowly. "There actually was some… excitement." He nibbled on a fingernail. "Um."
"Alex?" Tom said, and his guilt surfaced at the rising dread he could hear in his best friend's voice. "Alex, what do you mean excitement? Is everything okay?"
"Yes, yes everything's okay. It was just a little…" He floundered helplessly, unsure how to broach the subject.
"Alex, oh my god." The phone at his ear abruptly clicked silent and he pulled it away, bewildered— but then a split-second later it buzzed in his hand from an incoming video call. He answered it with trepidation.
Tom's head and shoulders popped up on the screen, framed by his bed's headboard. He already looked anxious when the video call connected, but instantaneous shock and horror swept across Tom's face when he saw Alex. "Oh my god," he blurted. "Jesus, oh my god, Alex what happened to your face?"
Would you believe me if I said I fell? The joke was on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped it's exit with a furious chomp of the teeth. This was Tom. It wouldn't be funny. Not to him.
"It doesn't look that bad, does it?" He tried instead, tilting his jaw for better inspection. "Still better looking than you at least."
Tom wasn't in the mood. "What happened?" He demanded. "You're not telling me, so it was something bad. Did somebody else do this to you, or did you do this to yourself?"
This brought him up short and his jaw dropped. "What?"
"I'm not mad," his best friend continued. "I'm not. I love you, Alex, nothing will ever change that."
"Wait wait, back up!" Alex sat up in his bed and stared into his phone, bewildered. What was going on here? "You think I cut up my own face? How and why?"
"Well, I don't know! Did you fall off of something? Something high? Alex?"
"You think…" It came together suddenly. "You think I hurt myself on purpose? Or tried to kill myself or something?"
Tom's face flushed bright red, but the other boy set his jaw and faced both Alex and the issue at hand relentlessly. "I think we both know you've had thoughts about it in the past."
"Do we?"
"Like I said, I'm not mad. I'm really not. Nothing you say can make me mad."
"It was Alil."
"What?"
"It was Alil," Alex repeated, now feeling only slightly bad about throwing Alil under the bus. "He threw a bowl at me and it shattered in my face."
Tom's eyes widened and the blood drained so quickly from his face that Alex was afraid he might keel over. "...Alil did this to you?"
He shrugged silently.
"When?"
"Friday night."
"But— it's Sunday. This happened two days ago and you didn't tell me?"
"You didn't have wi-fi."
"No but you could have left me a message! You— You—" And then to his horror Tom's eyes filled with tears. "I can't believe I wasn't there for you. Alex, I'm so sorry."
"Whoa, no! Why are you sorry? You were on a trip, you couldn't have done anything even if you wanted to. It's okay Tom."
"It's not. I left you and then Alil hurt you, and— and—"
"There wasn't anything you could have done. Besides, it wasn't that bad or anything. I'm fine now."
Tom sniffed and rallied, blinking back the tears in his eyes. He was wearing an oversized hoodie, much like Alex was at the moment (Day's sweater was just too comfortable), and now he looked… small. Worn down. And only a few minutes ago he'd been chattering excitedly about his vacation. God. Alex felt awful.
"Did the bowl hit your head?"
"My arm." And he didn't want to tell Tom, but he knew he had to. "I had to get eight stitches."
Tom's face screwed up again in that look of horrified guilt and it made Alex's own mirrored guilt swell.
"It's okay Tom, really—"
"Shut up Alex. Do you want me to come get you?"
"No, no it's okay."
"I can be there in 20 minutes."
"It's fine—"
"Would you quit saying that?" Tom snapped. "It's not fine, it's not okay, what happened to you is something that should have never happened, it's wrong, and it's horrible and Alil is a piece of shit for what he did and it's not right that people are still hurting you, especially in your own home!"
"I… Tom, I know that, I just meant that I don't need you to come get me. Alil and I talked things over, and I think we've come to an agreement."
"Bargaining never works."
"It's more like an accord."
"He's horrible, Alex, you've got to know that he's not going to stick to any accord." He spit the word like acid. "Did he even drive you to the hospital, or did you have to take the bloody tube?"
"Neither, actually. I called Day and he and his mother came and picked me up."
This brought Tom up short. "You… What?"
"His mother used to be a nurse, remember? She looked me over and gave me stitches and they've both already had a lot to say about Alil, so probably anything you tell me will just be a repeat."
"Again, Alex, what? You actually went to an adult for help?"
Tom's incredulity might have been somewhat insulting if not for the fact that Alex was still somewhat stunned himself that he hadn't immediately jumped out of the moving car when Rosemary had started asking questions. He corrected, "I went to Day for help, Ms. Rosie was just incidental."
"Ms. Rosie? Oh my god. You're on a first name basis with your mother-in-law already?"
He must have made some expression because Tom's gaze immediately sharpened on his face hawkishly. Alex knew that he had a pretty good poker face, but Tom was his best friend and could read him like a children's book.
"Wait, why'd you make that face? Alex? What happened at Day's house?"
"You should probably sit down."
"Oh my god," Tom repeated, and abruptly stopped his pacing and dropped on his bed. His phone immediately became steadier. "Did you talk to him? Did you tell him? Alex?"
"Yes and yes and now I think we might be dating."
Tom dropped his phone.
There was a blur and a clatter as it tumbled to the ground, and Alex very clearly heard a loud, drawn out shriek.
"Tom?"
Had he fainted?
"No no," Tom's breathless voice came through, and the phone was being picked up. It was shaking, due to the clear trembling in Tom's hands. "No I'm good, I— sorry, I think I may have misheard you, I thought you said you were—"
"Dating."
Tom gasped and dropped his phone again.
Alex slapped a hand across his face to hide his silly grin and said, "Tom, do you have arthritis or something? Tendinitis?"
"I-want-to-kill-my-best-friend-for-not-telling-me-this-immediately-itis," Tom managed, picking up his phone for the second time. "Alex, are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"Oh my god." Tom threw himself onto his stomach so fast Alex thought he'd finally passed out for real— but he was only settling onto his elbows for a more comfortable position. "How did that happen? Oh my god. Is he like, turned on by gaping flesh wounds or something?"
"Ew, don't be gross, no. We just… got to talking after his mother went to sleep, and um, apparently he's had a crush on me since last year—"
"What?!"
"I know! I know, it's crazy, honestly a lot happened. Just let me get through it because it's kind of a lot. Please don't say anything until I get to the very end, okay? Please?"
"Okay."
So Alex took one long, deep breath, and began to detail every single thing that had happened in the past two days, leaving nothing out.
True to his word, Tom didn't say a word.
But he did gasp and groan and audibly gnash his teeth, and it was very much like being crowded up next to Tom at the movie theater. He just knew that if Tom had any popcorn with him in his room it would have already been flailed all over the ground.
"And then I told him I would call you and he said he'd see me tomorrow and then you know the rest," Alex finished.
There was a pause, and when it became perfectly clear that Alex was finished, Tom asked, voice strained, "Can I talk now?"
"Yeah."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. That's super super fucked up."
"Hey—"
"Not about you and Day. About Alil. And the thing with Day's mother. And getting handcuffed to a chair and beaten by an adult twice your age. I didn't know you got left with scars from that."
"Well—"
"And James gave bad advice." Tom was getting worked up now, a healthy flush working into his cheeks. He rolled off the bed and began to pace, the shifting of the phone making Alex dizzy. "He shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have to hide parts of your body from your presumed-future-boyfriend because you're afraid of how he might react. That's wrong. And nobody should have taken your clothes off of you and Day's mum was right to get mad about it, and Jones should have given you counseling for it, and Sarov was a dick for saying that to you and it wasn't your fault he killed himself and—"
"Tom."
"It's just not fair!" Tom whirled and paced back to his desk. "You don't deserve any of that!"
"Yeah, a lot of it sucked. But it's in the past—"
"Alil's not. He's in the house with you right now. Probably sleeping on the couch, huh?"
"Probably," he agreed. "But like I told you, we talked."
"And I'm telling you— it's not just going to be once, Alex."
His eyes were wide and shining with a horrible mixture of certainty and rage and fear, and Alex was once again reminded by the sickening lurch in his stomach that Tom's mother had routinely hurt her son in various, awful ways.
Once, when they were 13, Tom's mother had smashed a cookbook down onto Tom's fingers, breaking three of them. He'd told everyone at school that he'd fallen playing footie, but Alex had known the truth. And Tom had spent the entire weekend at Alex's house pretending he didn't care, but crying quietly at night when he thought Alex was asleep. But Alex hadn't been asleep. He was never asleep. Just thinking of all those nights made Alex feel ill.
"He may try something eventually," he said quietly. "But it's nothing I can't handle."
"Look. I get that in comparison to, like, a crazy billionaire who tries to feed you to crocodiles, he probably doesn't seem like a big deal. But he is, Alex. He is."
"I can handle it."
"Can you?"
"Yes. He caught me off guard, but it won't happen again. I'm ready for him now."
"But you shouldn't have to be ready for him, Alex!"
"But I do," he interrupted. "You know what Jones said. And I'd prefer not to live with Alil, but anything he does Tom, anything, it's better than the alternative. I don't… I can't do those things again. I can't."
Tom's lips pulled down in a bitter grimace. "I fucking hate Jones."
"Me too."
"And Alil. I hate him too. You sure you don't want me to pick you up?"
"I'm sure."
"God." Tom kicked his desk sullenly and collapsed in his chair. "It's just not fair. I can't believe I wasn't there."
"You were on vacation."
'"I know, but… You were always there for me, with my parents. Like, always. And then when you need me I'm just, what, not available? It's so unfair to you."
"It wasn't your fault. And anyway, it gave me and Day a chance to talk, didn't it?"
"I guess so." The regret on Tom's face lingered, but was joined by the returning stirrings of excitement. "I can't believe that happened. He just came right out and told you he liked you?"
"Yeah."
"So are you guys going to, like… go on dates now?"
"I don't know, I think?"
They discussed the potentials of the future together for another hour and a half, and they had just begun to debate the proper protocol for hand-holding, when Jerry knocked on Tom's door and popped his head in.
"Dinner's ready— hey, is that Alex?"
Tom tilted his phone and Jerry's pleased face popped into view. His bleached hair was even whiter with streaks of flour, and there was a smear of chocolate on his neck.
"Hey mate!" Jerry waved. "How's it—" And then he did a visible double-take. "Wait, what happened to your face?"
"Um. Well." Alex and Tom made eye contact, and Alex bit down a loud sigh at his pointed expression. "Tom can tell you over dinner, I guess."
"Do you want to eat with us?" Jerry asked, unable to conceal his worry.
"No, it's okay. I'm fine, really. Tom will fill you in." He looked to his best friend. "See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow."
Alex said his goodbyes to both Harris brothers, doing his best to ignore their obvious worry.
He felt bad, Alex realized, clicking off his phone. More accurately, he felt guilty. Tom and Jerry put up with a lot because of him. Tom had been literally shot, something that took him off the football team for entire months, required just as much physical therapy, and traumatized him for life.
His best friend knew what it was like to take a bullet to the body, and he knew that because of Alex.
And on top of that, he had to deal with Alex's nightmares and breakdowns and now the reminder of Tom's own past domestic abuse. Christ. It wasn't fair, Tom was right about that, but it wasn't fair for Tom. Alex knew that Tom didn't begrudge him, well, any of it, but he still felt guilty. Tom couldn't even go on vacation for a weekend without Alex ruining it.
God, he needed air.
He got up, opened his window, and stuck his head out. The rain had stopped hours ago, but the drainpipe next to his window was still slick. Well, that was okay. He'd climbed far more dangerous things, in far worse condition. He was just pulling his foot up onto the windowsill when he got a text.
TOM: and don't u dare climb out on the roof after this weather Alex! ! ! ! ! u will kill urself for real and it will make me v v sad! ! ! stay inside pls! ! ! !
Oh.
He really did love Tom.
Alex took his foot off the windowsill and shut the window firmly. He needed air, but Tom was right. The roof was too wet still. He'd go for a walk instead. It took him only a few minutes to slip out of his room, ghost quietly past Alil's settled form on the couch, TV on in front of him, and ease out of the front door.
The stack of graded papers in Mrs. White's hands scattered across the floor as she dropped them with a loud, overly dramatic gasp.
Oh my god, Alex thought to himself, uncomfortably aware of the blush spreading across his face. He clutched the straps of his backpack and swallowed back his groan.
"Alex!" Mrs. White's hands fluttered over his shoulders as she pulled him out of the straggle of students slipping in as the late bell rang. It was Advanced Calculus, first class of the day, and he had been hoping that no one would be willing to call him out on the dozens of cuts on his face. "Honey, what happened?"
"I fell into a bush." He bent and scooped up the papers near his foot and handed them back to his Calculus teacher. "It really looks worse than it is."
Mrs. White took the papers numbly, her wide eyed look magnified even further by the huge spectacles on her face. "A bush did this to you? I— Oh thank you Taieesha—" She took the rest of the gathered papers from Taieesha and waved the girl gently to her seat. Alex watched Taieesha go enviously and made eye contact with James, who grimaced back at him in sympathy.
"A bush?" Mrs. White reasserted, dragging his attention back to his teacher. "That's horrible! Very cute bandaids, though."
"Thank you. Do you, er, think I could…?" He gestured vaguely toward his desk, and Mrs. White shook her head as if she were coming out of a trance.
"Of course! But before you do—" She handed him the stack of now thoroughly mis-shuffled papers in her hands. "Do you think you could pass these out?"
Two minutes later he was sliding into his seat in the back next to James, utterly exasperated by all the stares.
"Mate," James whispered to him. "Literally everyone is gawking at you like you're a cute little penguin at the zoo. Except if the cute little penguin had jumped through a fan blade and got all cut up but it's like the eighth time the penguin has done it so no one's really surprised, just exasperated and intrigued."
"What?"
"The gossip machine is churning, Alex. Churning away."
"Oh my god."
And James was right.
"Alex!" Abhaya cried when he walked into Physics. "I heard you got mugged walking home from school on Friday, is that true?"
"What?" He dumped his textbook and notes on the back counter and jumped up onto his stool. "No? Who told you that?"
"Arthur. So it's not true?" Abhaya crowded up next to him, pushing into his personal space worriedly. "It looks kind of true. What happened to your face then?"
"Abhaya come on," Heather Schmidt rolled her eyes, coming to take the stool next to Alex. She was wearing a bright yellow jacket and had little red hearts dangling from her ears. She looked very nice. "He obviously doesn't want to talk about it."
"No, it's fine," Alex said, although he really didn't want to talk about it. "I just fell into a bush is all. A very spiky bush."
"Really?" Abhaya looked disappointed. "But I heard you got mugged."
"I'm very sorry to be the one to tell you, Abhaya, but I was in fact, not mugged."
"Oh. I mean, I guess I'm glad, but also you lost me 10 pounds."
"What?"
Abhaya hopped up onto his own stool, joining the other two at the counter. "Yeah, I bet Ellie that it was a man versus man thing, but she said it was probably a man versus nature thing."
"Again, Abhaya, what?"
It was Heather who answered. "People have been gossiping about you since first period. Not like, big gossip or anything, but everyone who knows you at least a little has had something or other to say."
"Seriously?" He looked between them in disbelief. "Why? I know of three different people in our grade with broken arms right now and I haven't heard a single whisper about any of them!"
"Yeah, but it's you," Abhaya said, gesturing at his person vaguely. "Like, we were all there when you went AWOL on that field trip to Venice two years ago after you made that guy crash on his moped with the whole pigeons thing, and also when you fell out of the bus during our field trip to Greenfields. Plus you did notoriously beat up John, Ryan, and, who was it? Ethan? Aaron? In what, 8th year?"
"Yeah, it was 8th year," Heather confirmed. "You have to admit Alex, you do have a certain reputation."
"I literally fell into a bush," he muttered blankly.
He couldn't believe it. I mean, yeah, he did technically do all of those things and they weren't exactly a secret, but… They'd been years ago! He thought he'd left that reputation behind!
"Did somebody push you into a bush?"
"I'll push you into a bush if you don't leave it alone," he threatened, waving a fist at Abhaya, who held up his hands in defense.
"Sorry! Sorry! Just curious. But did they?"
"No! I was just… hanging out with James."
"Oh." Abhaya nodded in immediate understanding. "Right, yeah."
Heather looked between the two of them. "What? What's 'oh?'"
"James and Alex sometimes get up to stuff," Abhaya explained.
"Nothing bad," Alex hastened to add.
"Nothing bad," Abhaya agreed. "But I still have that video of you jumping off of James' roof saved to my phone."
"You jumped off his roof?"
"A year ago! But yeah."
Abhaya continued. "I wasn't there for it, but Tom took a video and sent it to our group chat. Along with that other video of you juggling those glasses, and that one of James breakdancing to Cotton Eyed Joe."
"That's… a lot to process." Heather sat, bewildered for a moment, as she absorbed the newfound information. "You juggle?"
"A bit."
"He can also ride a unicycle," Abhaya said with relish. "Like some sort of clown."
"Hey, that's private—"
"Not anymore!"
Alex looked Abhaya straight in the eyes and said, "Abhaya thought that Paris was a country until he was 14."
Heather exploded into giggles and Abhaya's mouth dropped open in horror. "Alex."
"Don't play this game with me, Subramanian. You will lose."
Luckily before they could get any further into it, Ms. Figuerosa raised her voice and called the class to order. Abhaya scooted his stool back to his normal place with a sullen pout at Alex, who mockingly glowered back.
"And you wonder why people gossip about you," Heather muttered to him teasingly out of the corner of her mouth.
Alex did not deign that with a response, instead subtly popping his phone out of his pocket to send James a text.
ME: If anyone asks, I was with you when I hurt myself
James answered almost instantaneously with three thumbs up emojis, and Alex was once again overtaken by a wash of gratitude for his friend who, with not even a request, was down to lie to their entire grade for him. It wasn't even the first time, either.
When Physics ended, Alex waved goodbye to Heather and let Abhaya drag him down the hall to Tom's Chemistry class, where Tom was already standing outside the door in wait, bouncing in place. His eyes swept the hallway, darting from face to face, and when his gaze fell on Abhaya and Alex, they practically lit up in relief.
"Alex!" Tom darted forward and threw his arms around Alex like an octopus, giving him a firm but gentle squeeze. "There you are!"
Alex hugged him back.
They hadn't seen each other in the morning, due to Tom arriving to school late, and it felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, seeing him now.
"Wow," Abhaya grumbled from beside them. "What am I, chopped liver?"
"No no," Tom said, pulling back from Alex and turning to Abhaya with spread arms. "I love you too! C'mere!"
"Wait! Awww no Tom stop!"
Alex smirked as Abhaya batted away Tom's arms like a practiced pro, even as Tom flailed at him in all his short glory. He opened his mouth to call off the harassment and then—
Martinique slid out of the classroom door.
Their gazes honed in on each other like heat-seeking missiles, and Alex grit his teeth as her mouth popped open as she gave him a quick, subtle once over.
"Alex—" She blurted, taking two steps over so that she was just inches from him. Her hands clenched at her sides and her eyes had a look of dark determination in them that he did not like one bit. "I heard—"
"Martinique," he cut in, already done with the conversation, and she bulldozed on.
"No, look Alex, can we—"
Luckily for Alex, he was saved from the frustration of another talk with Martinique by Abhaya grabbing him by the wrist and physically hauling him away as if he weighed nothing. "Protect me from your friend Alex, bloody hell!"
"I thought we were friends too!" Tom whined, poking his arms past Alex toward Abhaya, who held Alex in front of him as a physical barrier. "C'mere!"
"No!"
"Maybe we should just go to lunch," Alex said loudly, not looking at Martinique, nor the 10 odd other people who were watching the scene with snickers and smirks. "Abhaya, you don't want to have to wait in line forever, do you?"
"Ugh, you're right." Abhaya spun Alex around and pushed him forward impatiently. "It's chicken sandwiches today too."
"You cut in line literally every day," Tom pointed out, jogging to keep up. Abhaya resolutely ignored him, much the same way Alex ignored the narrowed eyes of Martinique, who followed their departure like a lurking shark.
He didn't know what Martiniqe wanted, and he didn't want to know. Probably something about how he should stop getting into fights, and there was no way he fell into a bush, and how suspicious he was…
Yeah, he didn't need that right now. Or ever, preferably.
When they got to the lunchroom the lunch lines were backed up like a public bathroom and Abhaya let out a loud, outraged groan. "This school sucks! God! See you in like an hour, I guess."
Alex waved him off, barely listening. He couldn't help the way his eyes kept up a continual scan of the room. Where was Day? They had lunch together, would Day want to talk to him now? Or would they just wait until Literature? Would it be awkward? Weird? They'd texted each other all Sunday, but this would be the first time seeing each other in person since everything had happened.
His anxieties were just beginning to spiral when his eyes finally found Day—
And Day was looking right back at him. They made eye contact and a broad, pleased grin immediately lit across Day's face. The knot of anxiety in his stomach relaxed at the look. "I'll be right back," he said to Tom and slipped away, reluctantly grinning at the incredibly unsubtle thumbs up Tom threw in his face.
He walked across the room quickly and came to a stop in front of Day's table, which consisted of Day, Kelly, Nathan Graham, a girl Alex knew from his Physics class named Ruiha, and a boy he'd never seen before. But from the way he had one of his ankles hooked casually with Kelly's, he'd guess that this was Kelly's new boyfriend, Andrew Nelson.
"Alex!" Day was already standing to his feet. "Hey! I was looking for you."
"Hi." He looked up at Day and felt his own shy grin tug at his lips, and the two of them smiled at each other for what felt like seconds, but must have been longer, because Nathan huffed out a quiet laugh.
"I'm sickened already, and it's only been what? A day?"
"Nathan!" Kelly hissed in admonishment, and reached over and smacked the athlete on the arm. "Don't be a dick!"
"I'm just kidding," he said with a teasing roll of his eyes. "You know I love you, Alex. You're a cute couple."
Ruiha, the girl Alex did not know, nodded agreeingly, a smirk on her face.
His eyes widened. Did the entire table know about him and Day? They'd both agreed that keeping it to themselves wasn't a big deal for either of them. Day had given him carte blanche to tell whoever he wanted, and he had done the same for Day. But still, he hadn't anticipated such a concentrated amount of people so soon.
"Relax Al," Nathan said kindly, noticing the look on his face. "We're all queer in some way at this table. Well, except for Andrew, he's our token straight."
"Thanks Nathan," Andrew said wryly.
"All of you?" He said, flabbergasted, eyeing Nathan, the literal captain of the football team, with a newly appraising eye. Nathan shrugged and nodded. "Wow. Um. I don't think I would ever have guessed."
"Hey, I'd say the same thing, but you did turn down Amanda Delacroix last month…" He trailed off and Alex huffed out a groan.
"That's what Tom said the first time we talked."
"Tom knows what's up. Welcome to the queer club though, jock rights for the win." He held up a hand for a high five, and Alex leaned over and slapped one on him with a grin.
"Jock rights."
"This is Andrew and Ruiha, by the way," Day said, tugging him gently closer to the table. "Guys, this is Alex."
Andrew smiled at him, and he nodded back.
"Hi Alex," Ruiha said. She had dark hair cropped in an undercut and a leather jacket much like Day's was stretched across her broad shoulders. "We actually have Physics together."
"I thought I recognized you. You sit with Lena, right?"
"Right, yeah, and you sit with Schmidt. Nice to meet you for real. I've heard a lot about you." Her smirk broadened, and Alex glanced over at Day, whose cheeks were lightly tinged pink.
"Good things, I hope?"
"Pretty good. Day thinks you're hot and wants to suck on your neck."
"Ruiha!" Four voices shouted in tandem, and Alex felt scorching heat burst over his cheeks.
"Ruiha, do not," Day hissed, glancing wide-eyed at Alex. "Damn it. Alex— I'm so sorry. That's— I didn't say that exactly, and I wouldn't— I mean, well, I would, but only if you wanted—"
"Day, it's okay." He stifled a laugh at Day's wide-eyed look, trying to pretend he didn't currently feel like he was going to pass out. "I mean, I'm glad you think I'm hot?"
"I do— You are— Oh god." He hung his head and grit out, "I'm going to kill you, Ruiha."
"You are hot Alex," Nathan agreed, obviously trying to get Ruiha off the hook. "Pro-homo. Although got to admit, you're looking kind of rough at the moment. What happened to your face?"
"Fell into a bush."
"Some bush!" Kelly exclaimed.
Nathan frowned. "You fell into a bush?" Every word of the sentence was said with more disbelief than the last.
Alex shrugged, looking at ease, but feeling his stomach roiling. He didn't look over at Day for his reaction. "It was a rough weekend."
"Must have been," Nathan said. "What happened, exactly?"
"Okay that's seriously enough," Day cut in, raising an arm as if he could physically shield Alex from the questions. He still looked hot in the face, but now he looked disapproving too. "He just said he had a rough weekend, are you really going to question him about it?"
Nathan blinked at them both, startled and sheepish. "Oh, yeah, I guess not. Sorry Al."
"It's okay." He dragged his startled gaze away from Day— only to make eye-contact with Kelly, who raised her eyebrows at him with a grin.
And oh, yep, blushing again.
"Well, it was nice to see you guys," he said quickly. "I should probably go eat now."
They all waved to him, but before he could turn to leave, Day's hand shot out and touched his wrist. "Can I walk with you?"
"Across the cafeteria?"
Day just shrugged and he bit back a grin. "Sure."
Kelly was giggling into her hands when they left, and Alex absolutely refused to look her way again.
"I'm so sorry about all that," Day said as they walked over. "Really Alex. I didn't know Ruiha was going to, uh, say that stuff."
He looked nervous and far more awkward than Alex had ever seen him, and was he—? Yes, he was blushing. A rarity for Day, and so, despite his own lingering feelings of uncertainty and embarrassment, he nudged Day softly in the side with his elbow and said loftily, "Hey, don't apologize, I know I'm a catch."
It was the right thing to say. Day brightened up immediately. "You know, Robin told me this morning she was very impressed I could date someone like you."
He nearly stumbled in surprise. "What?"
"Yeah, she thinks you're way out of my league." Day grinned and shrugged. "She's kind of right."
This time he really did stumble, his mask of nonchalance falling with the rest of him. Day laughed and reached out to steady him, but he skipped out of his way with an embarrassed glower and a bright red face.
"Day."
"You're so fun."
"Daaaay."
"And cute too." He laughed again. "Sorry though, is that too ambiguous for you? I can try harder."
"Will you ever let that go?"
"Probably not."
Alex harrumphed, trying to pretend that his heart wasn't about to explode in his chest from how wildly it was beating, trying to ignore the heat in his face.
It wasn't going well.
He was hyper-aware of Day meandering along at his side, his long legs taking up twice the length of Alex's. His relationship with Day had been heavily banter based in the past, it was true— but it looked like now the bantering was sliding more into flirting. God. He may not survive it.
Luckily for his blood-pressure they finally approached Alex's table, just in time to hear the start of one of his friends' worst arguments yet to date.
"I'm just saying," Tom enunciated clearly, pointing a carrot at James like a knife. Abhaya must still be in line, because his seat was empty. "That if Caesar was a furry, and I say if, it would be about the tigers."
"Don't be ignorant," James said. "Tigers didn't exist in Rome in the Caesarean time."
"But elephants did? Please."
"Dude, Caesar literally rode an elephant off to war, are you kidding-"
"That was Hannibal, idiot—"
"Hannibal's not even real—"
"Not the cannibal—"
"The A-Team—"
"Shut up—"
"Um, guys?" Alex interrupted, and they both turned to look at him, petulant glowers melting away to beaming smiles.
"Alex!" They chorused simultaneously.
"And Day," James added, expression immediately transitioning to an appraising leer. "Well well."
"Hey James," Day said calmly, apparently deciding to ignore James' tone. "Nice to see you. You too Tom."
"Day." Tom patted the seat next to him, face dropping into graveness. "Come sit for a moment. Please."
Uh oh. Alex sent Tom a suspicious look as Day cautiously sat in the chair, but Tom ignored him with practiced ease, his eyes glued to Day. Alex dropped himself into his own seat with dread.
"Are we threatening him?" James asked hopefully. "I've always wanted to give someone the shovel talk, I actually have a lot of great ideas—"
Tom reached over and crushed Day in a hug.
"Oh!" Day patted Tom's back, startled. "What's this for then?"
"For taking care of Alex." His voice was muffled against Day's shoulder. "I'll never forget your actions."
"Tom," Alex hissed, embarrassed by the display, although Day didn't seem to mind.
"Of course," Day instead responded to Tom, like driving out to pick up a bleeding just-recently-a-friend from an empty gas station at midnight was something anybody would do.
"You need anything, ever, I'm there." Tom pulled away from Day with a sniff. He looked like he was blinking back tears. Tom's level of care was probably the sweetest, most cherished thing in Alex's life. And so, no matter how awkward he felt at the moment, Alex really couldn't bring himself to repute Tom's words, his actions. Those same words and actions, when directed toward him, were often the only things keeping him alive.
James obviously felt some iota of agreeance, because his face screwed up and he complained, "Well damn, we can't threaten him now."
Alex scowled at him. "Nobody's threatening Day, you prat."
"Well I could have, I had this whole thing with a cement mixer worked out that I wanted to share—"
"You threaten him with a cement mixer and I'll break your knee caps."
James gasped. "Oh! Break his kneecaps—"
"No!"
"I agree with Alex," Tom finally interrupted, after giving one last sniffle. "We're not threatening Day. Besides, you really think if Day tried to hurt Alex, Alex wouldn't just, like, crush his nose bone into his brain and kill him instantly?" Tom turned to Alex. "That's a real thing, right?"
"Uh, yeah, sort of- cartilage not bone and it would take two strikes- but I would never actually do something like that, you know."
"But you could?" James asked, interested.
"Um." His eyes darted to Day, who was looking back at him, brows raised, an interested tilt to his lips.
"Could you, Alex?" Day asked.
"I mean…" He chewed on his lip, considering. If pressed on the matter, he could easily explain it away as a karate technique he'd learned. "I've technically been taught how, but I've never actually tried it on anyone? So probably not?"
"But maybe," James concluded, looking impressed. "That's so cool."
Alex grimaced. In all honesty, if he could wipe his entire Malogosto stay from his brain, he would, in a heartbeat. It was horrible, always thinking about the ways he could incapacitate someone. What he would use from his environment, how quickly it would take, what to do with the body… His training was still with him and he hated it.
"Anyway," Tom hastened. "Not threatening Day, that's super medieval, nobody's going to be attacking Alex so that doesn't matter, and Hannibal Lecter is not a furry."
James turned to him immediately. "Whoa what? That is not what I said! But you know what, yes he is, always talking about that lamb bullshit, he's way too preoccupied with them to not be and you know it!"
And then they were off, bickering loud and wild, hand gestures thrown like grenades. Alex sagged in his seat, quirking a thankful smile at the twitch of a wink Tom sent his way. Next to Tom, Day rose from his seat and came to stand beside Alex, who craned his neck to look up at him.
"Sorry about all that. Not exactly how I thought that would go."
Day huffed out a laugh. "Hey, we're even now at least. They're good friends though."
"Yeah. James really would never hurt you though, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know. But I'd never hurt you either, do you know that? Not on purpose, anyway."
"I know." He smiled shyly up at Day. "You've put too much effort into patching me up for that."
"Ha!" Day snorted. "Maybe. But seriously Alex." He leaned down a bit, raising his hand to hover hesitatingly over Alex's shoulder. "Can I touch?" Alex nodded immediately, and the hand descended to clasp gently over his shoulder, thumb brushing his neck. Day's mouth came down to breathe hot breath into his ear. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said, only just loud enough to be heard over the din of the lunchroom. "And I'm not going to do anything else to you without your express permission and consent. Okay? This is between us, and we can take things as slow or casual or careful as you want. Alright?" The thumb rubbed a questioning circle against the skin on the back of his neck, and he swallowed, nodded. Murmured back breathlessly, "Yeah, alright."
"Brilliant." Day straightened back up, giving Alex's shoulder one last gentle squeeze before letting go. "See you in class."
And then he was walking back across the cafeteria and Alex was staring after him. His ear still tingled from where Day's breath had ghosted across his skin and his neck burned from Day's broad, warm hand. His hands were so big. Why couldn't he stop thinking about that?
Slam!
Alex jumped like he'd been electrocuted.
"That was the longest line I've ever seen!" Abhaya slung into his chair with a huff, picked up his sandwich, and gave the brown bread a resentful glare. He'd slammed his tray down so hard a scattering of his corn had jumped onto the table. "And this food sucks. Who wants to transfer?"
"If the food sucks, just bring your own!" Tom turned away from his argument with James to enthusiastically join in a new argument with Abhaya. He waved his apple juice at Abhaya like a matador waving a red flag at a bull and gave him a leer. "Jealous?"
"Shut up! I don't even like apple juice."
"Then that's a you problem, not a food problem."
"Ugh, whatever. What was Day Webster doing over here by the way?" He turned to Alex. "And what did he say to you? You were literally so fucking red. Was he flirting?"
Alex's mouth popped open. "What?"
"Yeah, you know he's gay— sorry, bi— right?"
All three of them stared at him.
"He's—"
"What?"
"Abhaya, how do you know that?" James demanded.
"Uh? I don't know?" Abhaya looked bewildered by their intensity. "Like, everyone does?"
"I didn't!" Alex blurted.
"Me neither, not for sure," Tom added, poleaxed. "What the hell."
"I mean," Abhaya began. "And like no offense Alex, I already apologized to Heather for saying stupid shit, but it's very obvious. Have you seen his eyebrows?"
James, recovering brilliantly, slammed a palm against the tabletop. "Ha! What did I tell you, Al! What did I tell you about the eyebrows?"
Alex ignored him. "What do you mean everyone— and hang on, you apologized to Heather?"
"Yeah, for that stuff about her hair." Abhaya grimaced and shoved a bite of chicken sandwich into his mouth.
"Wait, but you said that stuff to me, not her…"
"An unfortunate obstacle I had not considered. Explaining what I'd said was twice as cringy as saying sorry for it. She took it well though. Said she got it all the time, which made me feel like shit."
"Wow." The three of them stared at Abhaya, impressed by his foolishness, as well as his ability to admit his mistakes. Alex could honestly say he hadn't expected such a development. Although thinking on it, Abhaya and Heather had seemed strangely more comfortable with each other in class.
Abhaya shifted uncomfortably under their stares. "Anyway, like I said, everyone knows Day likes guys. So was he flirting? Not," he hastened, "that every gay guy has got to be flirting with other guys. I just always thought he had a crush on you, so, like..."
Tom choked on his apple juice, James buried his face in his hands with a low moan, and Alex leaned back in his seat, eyes wide. Abhaya stared between the three of them, even more bewildered.
"You really just know that, huh?" Tom spluttered. "Just like common knowledge, huh?"
"Are we idiots or something?" James mumbled into his hands.
"I mean yeah, but why are you asking that?"
James waved Abhaya off with an incoherent grumble and numerous rude hand gestures. Alex stared down at his hands, wondering if maybe he had lost every single reconnaissance skill he'd ever had. He'd literally risked his life on numerous occasions on his suspicions about people, and he can't even tell if someone at school likes him?
Apparently he still understood violence better than affection.
Disappointing but not a surprise.
Oh well.
In the second biggest disappointment of the day, Martinique caught up with him after school.
"Alex!"
"Oh no."
"Is that Maritnique?" Day peered behind them.
They were wandering down the sidewalk away from Brooklands, bundled up against the wind. Day had switched his usual Vans for a pair of waterproof black Timberlands, and he was trudging through the puddles without a care. Alex was wearing his sneakers and was hopping around them as best he could. Students chattered and shouted at their backs, but they were far enough away that they didn't have to worry about unexpected intrusions.
Or so he had thought.
Alex's shoulders slumped and his nose scrunched in displeasure. "Yeah. She wants to talk to me about something, apparently."
Day glanced from him to Martinique and then back to Alex."You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to."
"I know. She probably won't give up though."
Day's eyes narrowed. "Really."
Martinique slid up to them and pulled to a stop with a frown, eyeing Day. "Hey guys."
"Martinique."
Day, who got along with everyone, only nodded to Martinique coolly, and Martinique's expression grew uncomfortable. She shifted in place. "Can I talk to you for a second, Alex?"
He glanced at Day, who had straightened to his full height, his arms crossed, lips pressed thin. His reactions made Alex feel… safe. If he didn't want to talk to Martinique, Day wouldn't let her push it. And it made him feel comfortable enough to tell her, "Sure." He turned to Day. "Give me a few minutes?"
Day brushed a hand against his shoulder as he went to give them some space, and it stilled some of the squirming in his stomach. He took a moment to steel himself and then asked Martinique, "Well?"
But Martinique was staring after Day. "So you guys are close now?"
"Martinique."
"Sorry." She bit her lip and gave her head of magenta hair a shake. "That's not my place."
"It's not."
"Interesting though."
Yeah, that was enough. He turned away with a harsh breath. "Goodbye Martinique."
"Wait no—" She lunged for his arm— and clamped her fingers down directly over his wound.
Searing pain exploded through his arm. He gasped and instinctively twisted out of her grip, slashing down to break her hold.
"Shit!" She yelped in pain of her own, snatching her hand back and clutching it to her chest. He did the same with his own arm, curling it in to his stomach with a pained hiss and a strangled, "Fuck."
Martinique stared at him in startled horror, shocked. And then her eyes darted to something past him and widened even further. She took a step back just as Day stalked forward, eyes blazing and teeth grit. He looked dark and ominous and dangerous almost, in a way he'd only ever seen once before— when Alex had admitted what Alil had done to him, bleeding all over Day's kitchen.
"Go." He hissed, glaring at Martinique, his deadly look focused in on Martinique like a bloody curse. "Martinique, leave."
"I'm sorry!" She blurted instead, a pink flush of emotion rising to her face. "I didn't mean to hurt him! Christ, I didn't even grab him that hard!"
Alex reached out and clutched at Day's jacket, the other boy stepping half in front of him to shield Alex from Martinique's gaze. "It's okay Day."
"No, it's really not." Day reached behind his back and clasped Alex's hand, grip light even in his fury. He continued to face toward Martinique, black boots planted wide, shoulders squared. The cold glare on his face could freeze molten lava. "She shouldn't have done that."
"She didn't know."
"I still don't know!" Martinique exclaimed, eyes darting from Alex to Day and back again in bewildered suspicion, although Alex noted that she kept most of her wary gaze on Day. What a strange twist— for the first time in a long time Alex wasn't the imminent threat. "I literally barely touched him."
That was kind of true. But still, his flesh felt like it had been scraped with sandpaper, and he was itching again. Had his stitches popped? He wanted to check but he couldn't, not with Martinique watching. Instead he just pulled his arm in tighter against his stomach and gave Day's jacket another short tug. "Day."
Day glanced over his shoulder at Alex, and whatever he saw on Alex's face made him let out a sharp exhale through his nose, expression softening immediately. He turned back to Martinique and said, voice forcefully neutral, "Goodbye Martinique."
And then without another word he promptly herded Alex away, fingers still wrapped around his hand.
Alex let himself be pulled along, tipping a look back at Martinique. She was staring after them, eyes glued on their joined hands and Alex literally saw the exact moment realization clicked inside her brain.
Shit.
"It's okay," Day muttered to him, expertly guiding him around puddles, still holding Alex's hand with one of his own, his other arm curled protectively around Alex's shoulders. And Alex was once again reminded that, despite the fact that Day was as thin as a rake, he was still big. Bigger than Alex.
And he knew Day would never hurt him, so where did that leave him, continuously thinking about his height? The size of his hands? He needed to talk to James. But first, he needed to tak to Day about Martinique.
Day pulled them to a stop as soon as they rounded the corner and immediately maneuvered Alex up against the wall behind him. "Are you bleeding?" He demanded. "Did she break your stitches? Do you need to sit down?" His fingers fluttered over Alex's sleeve. "Can I pull this up and look?"
Alex had to smile at Day's concern. "I can do it, but thanks. Maybe just hold my jacket?"
He tugged it off and handed it to Day, who took it and leaned in to watch him, eyes still burning with that dark look. It was simmering away, but still there, coals in the aftermath of his black fire.
To his immense relief, his stitches were still intact and there were no new marks on him. "Thank God. I mean, she really didn't grab me that hard, but still, that seriously hurt…"
"She shouldn't have grabbed you at all," Day muttered. He pressed himself closer to Alex, peering down at his arm to do a careful examination of his own. "Shouldn't have even looked at you wrong."
And that reminded him, oh yeah. Shit.
"Um, about that…"
Day's focus sharpened like a razor. "What? What did she do?"
"Nothing really, just… She was kind looking. Um, at us." He fidgeted. "Pretty sure she's got us figured out."
"Oh."
"Yeah, and like, I know you said you don't care who knows? But this probably wasn't how you wanted things to go, so, um, I'm really sorry."
Day's brows furrowed. "Don't be sorry. I don't care, Alex, honestly. Do you?"
"No? But I just feel like I'm kind of causing problems for you already, which I explicitly wanted not to do, so." He shrugged awkwardly. "Again. Sorry."
"And again, don't be. I like you and I don't care who knows that. Just so long as we're on the same page with that. Yeah?" Alex nodded with an uncertain frown, and Day reached out to gently tap his cheek, eyes serious. "Alex, yeah?"
"Yeah," he promised verbally. "We're on the same page."
"Okay. That's all that matters to me." It was only when Day backed up that Alex realized how close Day had crowded in, his body blocking Alex from the wind. The sudden sharp sting of cold air made his eyes water and he shivered violently.
"Shit," Day muttered, hurriedly shaking Alex's jacket out and holding it open. "C'mere, you must be freezing."
Alex slipped his arms into his jacket, an embarrassed flush on his face at the intimacy of the gesture. It only got worse as Day turned him back around and took a moment to gently fuss with his collar, fingers smoothing it out carefully. "Good?" Day asked.
He could only nod wordlessly, hoping that the red on his face would be mistaken for cold (although judging by the half-grin on Day's face, he probably shouldn't hope too hard.)
Day requested, "Let me walk you a little further?"
"Please."
Alex was once again surprised by how comfortable Day's company was, how much he enjoyed it, desired it. He felt like he could spend all day with him and not get tired of him— all week even. As an introvert, that was a bigger deal than it sounded. And as himself, as Alex, who was sometimes so exhausted by other people that he wanted to die, it was outright bizarre.
"Why does Martinique keep bothering you anyway?"
"She's bored, I guess. I think she sees me as a mystery she has to solve or something. Not exactly enjoying it, to be honest."
Day was frowning again."But why doesn't she just— I mean, Alex…" He bit his lip and wavered for a long moment, before finishing awkwardly, "Alex, there's one obvious conclusion to, um, everything, if she's really paying close attention."
"What? That I'm being abused at home?"
Day winced at the blunt words. "Um."
This topic was quite awkward for Alex as well, but it needed to be had, before Day had it with someone else, so he pushed on ruthlessly. "It's not just the fractured ankle and black eyes and strangulation marks. It's… Look, a lot of people thought I was in a gang, right?"
There was a short pause, and then Day gave a painfully careful nod. His jaw had clenched tight like a steel trap at strangulation marks, and Alex could tell that he was struggling to keep a neutral face. "Martinique mentioned that, but I had never heard anything like that about you."
"The rumours died down a lot last year. I stopped getting hurt and kept up my school attendance and I didn't do any other things."
Day's brow furrowed. "Other things?"
"Yeah." He kicked at a puddle ashamedly, relishing in the cold splash of water into his shoes. It was wet and freezing and just what he deserved. "I, um, got suspended for jumping out of a school bus on a field trip, and before that I went missing in Italy on another field trip. Um." He pushed on, trying to ignore the silence from Day. "I've also gotten into a few fights, I guess, and you probably heard that Tom got shot in the school shooting two years ago… Maybe you haven't, but yeah. I ran out of the classroom and everyone saw and people thought that maybe it was a gang thing before the police said they arrested the shooter and it was actually a domestic terrorist attack, and, well, yeah, that's it I guess."
There was another puddle coming up and he raised his foot to stomp into it— but before he could bring his foot down, Day was taking him gently by the elbow and pulling him away.
"Alex, stop." Day put his hands on Alex's shoulders, and looked at him, another deep frown on his face. "You're getting your shoes wet."
"Is that really what you're concerned about right now?" He asked. "I just told you I went missing on a field trip to Italy. I mean, Day, that's like… That's a lot."
"Well… yeah. Yeah okay, that's a lot. And I'm not saying I'm not concerned about that. But I can be concerned about more than one thing at once. And hey—" He ducked his head closer to make focused eye contact. "Alex. When I say concerned, I mean in the sense of I care about you and your safety, not that I'm concerned I'm hanging out with a delinquent or something. Okay?"
Alex swallowed, feeling somewhat like he'd been sucker-punched. The symptoms were the same: breathlessness and shaking knees and a wide surprise. "Um. Okay. Okay."
"Right. And do you want to talk about all that stuff you just told me?"
"I mean, no? But it's suspicious and weird, and I think we should."
"Okay." Day considered for a second. His hands slid absentmindedly from Alex's shoulders down to his wrists, where they rested, not pressing, not holding. Just resting, light and easy. "Why did you go missing in Italy?"
And oh right, he should have thought of an answer to that question before opening this conversation. He went with the vague half-truth. "Some people my father knew lived in Italy and I went to go look for them. It was kind of impromptu and not a well-thought out venture. And I was just gone for a day, but the teachers kind of freaked out about it."
"Right. And you jumped out of the school bus because..?"
"The emergency exits on the bus open really easily."
Day's eyes narrowed immediately. "You accidentally fell out of the bus?"
"The teachers seemed to think I jumped out of the exit on purpose."
Day's eyes narrowed even further, and Alex had to force himself not to shift in place under his stare, feeling a little taken aback by Day's obvious suspicion. There was no reason to doubt that what happened wasn't what he'd implied— even if it had just been carefully implied, and not outright stated. He didn't want to lie to Day. He really didn't. But he also hadn't been expecting any resistance to his claims.
"Anyway," he continued quickly. "There was that. And then the fights—"
"I think I can probably guess about the fights. Can't I?"
"I mean… yeah."
"Okay." Day nodded slowly, still obviously thinking. "Is there anything else you want to tell me before I say what I want?"
"Um. No. I think that's it."
"Okay. Right. Well. Do you plan on hurting me or my sisters?"
Alex's eyes widened and his jaw popped open in outrage. "What? No!"
"Do you plan on beating people up for fun?"
"No!"
"Are you part of a gang right now?"
"No."
Day shrugged. "Then everything is okay."
Alex gaped at him some more. "But— But—" He spluttered. "Day. You can't just brush this stuff off—"
"I can. In fact, I just did."
"You can't—"
"Why not? Hmm?" Day's fingers tightened gently around his wrists, his cold thumbs slipping under Alex's sleeves to rub against his skin. "You've never done anything to make me think you're a bad person. In fact, you've only done the opposite, since I've known you. And all of my friends like you and admire you, and Dima Berlioz seems to think you're a minor god. You've also never lied to me."
"You don't know that," he protested, stunned at Day's attitude, by the things he was saying. He felt like someone had zapped his chest with a stun baton. "I could have been lying to you about everything."
"I think you haven't lied, Alex," Day said slowly, carefully, "because if you don't want to tell me something, you always just say that. Or you refuse to speak about it. Or you try to slide around the subject vaguely, without outright admitting to anything. Like with the school bus."
Alex stiffened. He didn't speak.
"Yeah. Just like that." Day's thumbs rubbed soft circles against the inside of his wrists. "I'm not mad, Alex. Just tell me this— have you talked to Tom about these things? These things you can't tell me?"
He wavered for a long moment, teetering back and forth over how exactly to answer that. "Yes," he admitted finally. "Yes, Tom knows… Well, Tom knows everything, really."
Day hummed in the back of his throat. "And Tom still loves you and cares about you and thinks you're absolutely aces."
"I guess so."
"Right. So whatever you've done that you don't want to talk about, or anything that may have- ah- happened to you… It's okay."
"It's not okay—"
"It's okay enough for me."
Alex stared at Day. He still felt frozen inside, and scared and panicky and dreading all the secrets he had yet to speak, all the ways he could drive Day away. Because Day didn't know him. He thought he did, he thought he had any sort of idea about the type of person Alex was— but how would he feel when he learned that Alex had never even kept track of the number of people he'd killed? That Alex had shot a 15 year old boy dead in the face? That Alex had tried to commit murder, literal murder, because he'd been angry?
There was a lot. There was so much he'd done, so many ways that he kept little bits of evil in his body, cultivating them like a garden. He could kill Day right now, if he wanted to. It would be easy. It would be so easy, and so quick, and he didn't want to and he would never do it, but he could and Day didn't know that.
Day sighed softly and took a small step closer, once again blocking Alex from the wind. He peered down at Alex seriously, his brown eyes dark and possessive. "I like you. You're a good person and a good friend and I am so excited to get to know you better. And you may not like yourself a whole lot sometimes, and I'm so sorry if that's how you feel. But it's not how I feel, and you need to trust me to make up my own mind about you. That's all I need from you, Alex. Can you do that?"
"Day—"
"Alex."
Alex groaned out a laugh at the mock seriousness in Day's voice, still feeling off kilter and shocked, but much less like his insides were filled up with ice. "You're so weird. Why are you like this? No one's like this, Day."
Day shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm one of a kind. Now come on. We're good, right? Same page?"
Alex exhaled, mind still whirling, stomach still squirming. He kind of felt like he was talking to a dog sometimes, when he talked with Day.
Because Day seemed to like him the same way Molly did, or Peanut the labradoodle, or Cashew the mutt next door— easy and warm and sincere. It was strange. But... Alex really liked it. Day made him feel like a person, a normal person, with normal desires and normal pastimes. He made him feel like he mattered.
"Yeah Day," he said finally. "Same page."
And then the subject was over. Just like that, as easy as Day had made it seem. Day walked him a little bit further before he had to loop back to the tube station to head home, and it was nice. Simple. He liked Day so much.
By the time he got home, he was calmer and his insides had settled. His wrists felt like they were burning from where Day had touched him, but that was also a positive talley. He wanted Day to touch him more. Not in a weird way or anything, just… more. He wondered when Day would hold his hand. Would he hold his hand? Oh god. What if Alex had to make the first move? Oh god. Could he do that? Luckily for him, he could probably count on Day, who had so far been the one to take the most initiative with, well, everything. And Day seemed to like touching him, so he probably shouldn't worry. Right?
Despite the way all their friends were mocking them, Day and Alex were not technically dating yet. They were getting there, for sure, with all the flirting (again, mostly from Day), but they had been very clear with each other that they were still in the friends-getting-to-know-each-other stage. But how long, exactly, did such a stage last? A month? Two months? A year?
He was pondering this as he unlocked the front door and slipped inside.
"Alex?" Alil's voice called from the living room. There was a shuffle and then Alil was standing in the doorway to the living room, an almost suspicious look on his face. He looked better today, wearing actual jeans and a long sleeved shirt. His eyes were focused and clear and his feet were planted firmly, no swaying or shivering involved. "Where have you been? It doesn't take you an entire hour to walk home from school."
"Well it did today." He brushed past Alil to the staircase.
Alil followed him, close at his heels. He demanded, "What were you doing?"
Alex paused, his foot on the first step of the staircase and turned back to Alil, the uncomfortable twisting in his stomach returning, although for a different reason this time. "Why are you asking me that?"
"I can't just be curious about my ward?"
Alex would never have believed that answer anyway, but he believed it even less due to the way Alil practically choked the word 'ward' out of his mouth.
"No, you really can't." Alil came closer, and Alex hopped up another two steps. He was now eye-to-eye with Alil, and they glared at each other warily. "Why are you acting so suspicious?"
"I'm just curious—"
"You're not. You're suspicious and that's different. Why? You never found me suspicious before."
A characteristically disparaging scoff spilled from Alil's lips. His breath smelled stale, and it took all of Alex's strength not to lean back. "I wasn't paying attention before."
"To what? To me? I mean, yeah, except when you're throwing things."
That prompted a sharp, angry inhale, and Alex tensed, preparing himself to make a move if he had to. But Alil merely expelled the breath harshly a moment later, eyes narrowing even further, jaw ticking. He seemed determined to have this conversation. "You've got secrets. I know you do."
"I'm a teenager," Alex said flatly. "Of course I have secrets."
"No, not fucking— I mean there's something wrong with you, something seriously fucking wrong with you, and I can't believe it took me this long to see it. I mean, Jesus, just look at you!" He threw an accusatory gesture at Alex, nose wrinkled like he'd taken a whiff of the garbage.
Alex swallowed, a self-conscious flush rising to his face. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You don't even look normal. With the scars and shit and the way you stand and the way you walk even. I should have seen it already."
"I look normal," he snapped back, a heavy pit setting in his stomach. "Shut the hell up."
"You don't. And we both fucking know it." Alil took a step closer, now practically nose-to-nose with Alex. "And you won't even be honest about it."
"I've literally never lied to you once."
"But you don't say shit, about anything, and that's the same fucking thing, isn't it?"
"Okay. Fine. Ask me anything."
"How did your parents die?" Alil demanded immediately, and Alex smiled, saccharine and syrupy and as obnoxious as possible.
"None of your fucking business."
Alil's face went white with rage, but Alex was already two more steps up and there was nothing Alil could do. 10 seconds later he was in his room, door firmly locked, heart beating wildly.
What the hell was Alil's problem? He paced around his room, full of staticky energy that jittered his fingers. He kept an eye on the door, just in case. Why did Alil all of a sudden care? At all? About literally anything? Usually he just slept on the couch, watched TV, read the news, slept some more… Alex knew that he had piqued Alil's interest the night before, with the pistol and the talk of his parents, but he'd expected Alil's curiosity about that to fade like all of Alil's strong feelings seemed to.
Which okay, yeah, admitting that made him feel kind of like an arsehole, because Alil was obviously depressed and Alex wasn't doing anything to help, at all, but Alex was also depressed. He couldn't even do anything about his own depression, what was he supposed to do about Alil's? Fuck. He shook that thought out of his head and continued to pace.
It didn't matter why Alil was interested. It was bad. And weird. And made him feel the exact opposite of how Day's curiosity made him feel. And Martinique. Ugh. Why did everything seem to happen all at once?
He shrugged out of his jacket and picked up Day's Five Finger Death Punch hoodie draped over his desk chair. Pulling it on made him feel kind of like a creep, but it smelled like Day and helped him relax, so. Yeah.
Mixed reviews for the day, he concluded once he'd settled a little and his heart didn't feel like it was going to rupture anymore. Very mixed reviews. He took out his phone and shot Day a text.
ME: Can you send a picture of Molly please? :(
.2 seconds later his phone was buzzing with four incoming pictures of Molly, all big-eyed and droolly, and about 50 pounds of tension sloughed right off his shoulders.
DAY: Want to call?
He didn't have to think twice.
A/N: Hello all again! So sorry for such a long break, I really did not anticipate that! My grandparents ended up living thankfully, it was just really overwhelming because the hospitals were full so they had to be taken care of at home. And then they were sick for a very long time and then school started and yeah, basically a horrible time lol. Thank you so so so much to everyone who wished them and me well, I am honestly blown away by how many kind and caring people there are in the world. I cannot express enough how grateful and moved I am. I will literally remember all the kinds reviews for the rest of my life. :')
So yeah! I'm really not satisfied with this chapter, but at least it's done lol! I didn't write a whole lot these past few months, but I did do SO MUCH thinking about this story, and I think I finally have almost everything pinned down. I'm really excited for some of the storylines! :D
Anyway, reviews!
Em0Wolf, thank you! :D Alex is going to do more talking about his feelings eventually lol!
Guest #1, thanks! I'm glad you like!
LoveRider, thank you so much for telling me what you liked! I love that! :D
Guest #2, ahhh thanks for saying my writing is good, that makes me so happy!
Guest #3, thanks for reviewing, I hope you like this chapter! :)
Guest #4, wow thank you so much for asking about me and my grandparents, once again, just amazed by how kind you guys are. I tested negative and then shortly after got SUPER sick and spent literally 8 full hours throwing up in the bathroom so. Lol. Don't know. Feeling much better now! No longer insanely dehydrated lol!
Guest #5, than you for the review! I hope this lives up to your expectations!
Athenakid, hope you enjoyed Tom's reaction! It probably could have been funnier lol, alas
Chockie, your reviews are killing me, it's so awesome you comment by chapter ahhh! :'D Tom and Dima would be such a chaotic duo together, the thought makes me laugh. May have to get them together at some point lol!
Guest #5, thanks for the review! I hope you enjoyed this update!
Guest #6, thank you so so much for asking about me and my grandparents! They are alive! Still pretty weak which is crazy and they're sleeping soooo much, but they're definitely going to live which is so amazing. And I'm feeling alright! Much better now that my semester is over lol!
Forgot my password, looool I love your reviews so much and the name you leave makes me laugh too. I can't remember my Facebook password right now, it really do be like that sometimes haha. Thanks so much for telling me what you liked! And so yeah, I was thinking about maybe adding Ben or one of K-Unit... Not all of them probably, but I was thinking Eagle or Snake because there's so much you could do with an antagonistic ex-soldier who also has no idea what's going on in Alex's life... I'll probably do that actually, yeah. So okay I'm convinced lol! Keep an eye out!
Guest #7, hi soooo sorry for such a long wait time omg, here's a new chapter though! I wish I'd gotten it out sooner, sorry!
Leigh, ahhh you've really like gut punched me with this review lol, I literally teared up reading it. I think it's so amazing and wonderful and I can't thank YOU enough for leaving it. I wish you the absolute best in life and if you ever want to talk to another ace person hit me up! I know how few of us there are out there. Thank you again :)
Guest #8, hi this is definitely an update no doubt much later than appreciated lol, but better late than never? Lol! Thanks for the review!
Guest #9, this is one of the most compassionate kind things I've ever read :') I really am so thankful that you wrote that and the gentle non-prodding nature actually ramped up my desire to write by 1000% haha. Really though, thank you. You're amazing.
Guest #10, ahhh sorry for such a late update! I hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it is crazy late!
Guest #11, thank you so much for this review! I'm glad you like the story, I promise I will never abandon it :)
Guest #12, thanks for this review! Sweet and nice is the BEST possible way I would want this story reviewed as :') Much appreciated!
Guest #13, I love this review, thank you so much! Me and my grandparents are all doing better now! I hope you enjoyed Tom's reaction, he's an interesting character to me!
A very big fan, this is such a nice review, I love that you think it's original and you like my writing! That's so awesome to hear! :D Thank you!
Guest #14, thank you so much! :D Glad you like it!
Guest #15, thank you for asking about me, I am doing okay now! Stressed and tired from school, but doing better every day! :)
Phew, okay, that's all the reviews! And I just realized that the way I respond to them is probably kind of incomprehensible, considering who even knows if they were guest 9 or 10 so yeah, I'll be thinking of a way to do this better lol. If anyone has any suggestions that would be appreciated haha!