Chapter Nine

As I sit on my bed, I see Tadashi sitting in the doorway of the room. I see the way he's just staring into space and I wish that I could help him. He didn't mean anything that went through him over the past few hours and it's amazing that his body grew at such an alarming rate. I really miss the tiny puppy that I could put in a bag. I yawn and stretch. "Are you going to get some sleep?" I ask him and he just continues to gaze into the darkness.

I rub the sleep out of my eyes and approach him, he doesn't acknowledge my presence. I'm not sure what he's looking at but if talking will help then I want to prove I can be there for him. I watch him as he just looks off into the distance. "So," I say as I sit down next to him and pull my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. "What's up?"

"I did something terrible today," he says and I know he feels terrible about it. I don't know how to reply to him but I need for him to realize that what happened today wasn't his fault. "I didn't mean to but still…."

"Tadashi, you were in a difficult situation. I think that anyone would feel the same," I try to tell him and he just looks into the darkness. I gently let my finger go over his fur and he looks at me. I hate seeing so much pain in his eyes, so much guilt and heartache. I sigh before putting my hand on his back. "How about we think of something else? I'm sure that if we really take a look at all of the information there should be a way of ge-"

"I'm not going back," he tells me and I watch him. I nod slowly. I can understand that. He's been put through so much, I can understand how he doesn't feel strong enough to face those painful moments.

"Okay." I turn to him. "We won't go back."

"I think I'm going to leave," he says again as he returns to staring into space and I turn to him, my stomach folding in on itself. Is he serious? He's going to leave and make it seem as if he was never here? I open my mouth to argue but instead of saying anything, my body shakes and I bow my head. I close my eyes tightly. I need to be strong. I need to be able to hide my own pain but no matter what happened tonight, I can't have him leave.

I open my mouth to argue but I can't find the words so I place a hand on my chest and shake my head. I want to find the words to argue with him, to tell him how important his presence is but I'm lost. I stand up, feeling my body shake and turn. I'm crying as if I'm a child again. I hate this. I hate being so weak especially in front of him. I'm supposed to be smart and strong and capable and yet I feel like I'm a kid again and hearing that my parents are gone.

"I can't do this anymore," I whisper as I look at the ceiling. I turn back to him and see the way he's looking away. "I want you to stay, can't you see that, can't you understand that?" I ask him as I feel the pain in my chest. How can I get through to him?

Tadashi turns to me, "I'm sorry," he apologizes and I hit the wall. I hate these complicated emotions. Can't he understand that I don't care if he's a dog and that he wants to play fetch and eat from a bowl and can't use his hands. I can talk to him. I can listen to him. I don't care what form he's in, he's Tadashi and he's here, that's all that I care about.

"Hiro, I don't want to be a burden on you and that's all I am right now," he tries to explain and I stare at him. I don't know what to say. "I think if I stay, I have to accept that I'm a dog. If I leave I can be Tadashi Hamada but staying here, I have to be the dog that I look like."

…

…

"What are you talking about?" Hiro asks as he tries hard to stay strong but I don't blame him for getting upset. I'm more angry at myself because I know that I'm the reason for this pain. I didn't want for him to feel pain but it's necessary. If I let myself lose the profile of Tadashi Hamada then everyone would be happier because of that. I can just be a dog. I can just be a pet and if that helps Hiro in the long run that's most important.

"I can be your pet," I tell him and Hiro is shaking as he takes a look at me. He glares before pointing a finger at me and I feel this anger towards me justified. If I can gently push him away from thinking that we are still brothers, it might make him happier. That's what I promised our parents, that I would look out for my little brother.

"Stay there," Hiro tells me and I sit still. I just feel empty. There are emotions that I have now that I have never experienced before. I don't know who I am. I'm not the successful student of Tadashi Hamada anymore. I'm not capable of doing the same things that I was capable of before. I can still think, still create things in my head but I can't do that with these paws. I'm not able to build things, I don't even have thumbs.

"Here," Hiro says as he comes over to me and puts a photograph on the floor. It's the four of us. Me, him, and our parents. We look happy. We're a family but our parents…would they ever accept me even if they knew the truth? I put my paw on it, looking at the difference between the picture of me and the paw that is on the photo. It's not the same. I don't know if it can ever be the same.

"Do you remember this?" he asks me and I laugh weakly.

"Of course, I remember this," I tell him as I make eye contact with him and he has so much trust and love for me in his eyes. He's accepted me unconditionally. I pause as I look at him. I can imagine what I'd do were our situations switched. I might play around with him, tease him, but I would never leave him. I'd feel sad were he to run from me when I could keep him safe.

"This is what's important to me," Hiro tells me and I look at him before bowing my head ashamed of how I've been acting. "You tell me what I can do so that we can be brothers and I'll do it even if I have to become a dog myself."

"You'd do that?" I ask. I know that I'd do it for him if it was what he needed. Hiro's safety and happiness has always been important to me. He's my kid brother. Hiro nods. "I'll stay but please don't do that, I don't know how cute you'd be as a dog," I try to tease and he ruffles the fur on the top of my head.

"Yeah, you make a pretty cute dog," he says in a joking manner. "You're missing something though," he says before stepping back into the room and I hear a click as he readjusts the size of the cap that I've always worn. He kneels down and put it on my head. "There," he says with a grin. "You look just like your old self, you know. Promise me that you'll be here in the morning or I'll have to hunt the whole city for you."

I turn to him, "I'll stay," I whisper and walk to my bed before getting in under the blanket and rest my head on the pillow falling asleep. I'm scared that I'm a burden on my family but Hiro's made it clear that he wants me here. I think I have to stay for him.

…

…

I'm glad that the others aren't here. It might be a lot if everyone was here and after all the pressure that he's been through, I don't want to force my brother to feel embarrassed or afraid. I hear Fred coming out of the house and put a hand on Tadashi's head, I love seeing him wearing the cap.

"Hey, guys," Fred waves to us and I put a hand on Tadashi's neck and nod, it's okay. We'll be okay. "Good morning."

"Morning," I yawn and he rushes over to us, he tilts his head to the side as he studies us. I crouch down next to Tadashi and smile. "Thank you for letting us use your back yard."

"Sure, training a new teammate is always important," Fred says before acting as if he's in a classic superhero show. I roll my eyes. "I mean, it's important especially if it's a good friend."

"Yeah, I wonder if you still consider me a friend like this," Tadashi says and Fred looks at him with a blank expression on his face. I stare between the two of them. Does that mean that Fred can't understand him?

"He will," I tell him and Fred leans back.

"Pretty cool, are you two communicating? It's one of those super powers that only siblings have isn't it? I mean, I would love to hear what he's saying too. I mean, it would be wicked cool if there was some type of talking to animal power."

I turn to Tadashi and he rolls his eyes. I laugh. Somehow the fact that Fred doesn't understand him – though unhelpful – makes me feel that there is still that strong bond between us. We're brothers. Maybe this will prove to Tadashi that even though he's in this form, nothing is going to change the fact that we're siblings.

End of Chapter Nine

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