A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites and follows after last chapter! You can follow me on tumblr (nauticalparamour) where I post sneak peeks, story updates and answer questions.

Please let me know what you thought of chapter forty-four and be on the lookout for chapter forty-five soon!

February 1970

As the weeks wore on, Rodolphus couldn't stand this new reputation that he'd garnered among the other Death Eaters. He hated the way that they talked about how he'd done up his old mudblood mistress. They never seemed upset or disgusted at the way that Hermione was killed, more gleeful whispers about how Rodolphus would do anything for the cause. When he was at school, he always had the reputation as a bit of a slacker, more brute than brains, but he hated the way that he'd been reduced to nothing more than a killer in the eyes of so many.

Especially when it wasn't true.

It was nearly impossible for him to face Flint and Pucey, not yet initiated, although they were being courted heavily. It seemed as though they were being worn down slowly, but that didn't mean they approved of what he'd supposedly done to Hermione Granger. They both remembered her from school, and while being intimate with a muggleborn wasn't something either of them was likely to do, they didn't villainize her the way the Dark Lord and his followers did.

Even worse was the way that his father was still so desperate to find him a suitable young witch to marry. He was still trying to get the Greengrasses to agree to a match, promising that Rodolphus had atoned for his sins. Somehow, he didn't think that an ability to murder former lovers was a quality that many parents looked for in a potential son in law. He wasn't going to tell his father that, though. It wasn't as if he wanted to marry the Greengrass girl anyway.

He was mostly just grateful that his father had as of yet been unable to secure a betrothal for him. The holidays had come and gone without an engagement, but Rodolphus was not so naive to think that his father wasn't trying his hardest. It wasn't as if Rodolphus would agree to it, but he wasn't looking forward to refusing his father.

Rabastan idolized him once again, now that he was a branded Death Eater. It made him sick to his stomach every time his younger brother professed his desire to join the group as soon as he was of age, younger if the Dark Lord would allow it. Rodolphus promised that he would do anything to stop that eventuality.

Rodolphus felt the constant pressure of the Dark Lord, too, knowing that he was holding an artifact for the dangerous man. Knowing that he could ask for it back at any time had Rodolphus's stomach in knots, especially considering that he didn't have it anymore. He didn't want to imagine the pain and suffering that he'd endure if he could not produce the odd little golden cup that had been entrusted into his care.

Finally, he had to deal with Abraxas Malfoy constantly trying to buddy up with him. Abraxas was certainly a good ally to have, there was no doubt about that. Well placed in the Ministry of Magic, it was obvious that he was a rising star in the government, and ambitious enough to do whatever it took to hold onto the power. But, it made it all the more odd and unsettling for Rodolphus to have the blond man trying to cultivate a friendship with him. Was it only because the Lestranges were held in high regard by the Dark Lord? If that was why, why was it that Abraxas wanted to talk to him and not his father? What did Abraxas think that he could give him that his father could not? Rodolphus knew that Abraxas wanted power above all else, but he wasn't sure how he could help him with that.

He felt as if he was being pulled in a hundred different directions at once. He didn't want to be living this life anymore, pretending to be someone that he just wasn't. The whole reason that he'd joined the Death Eaters in the first place was because Dumbledore said that it would help Hermione, but Rodolphus wasn't even sure that Hermione would want to look at him once she saw that hideous mark on his arm. If she was even still alive. He hadn't heard even a whisper about her.

When he couldn't stand it any longer, he demanded to meet with Headmaster Dumbledore once again. Sending the sternest sounding letter that he could, he insisted that Dumbledore meet with him, not Weasley. Perhaps sensing that he was teetering, Dumbledore actually arranged to meet him the same evening at the Hog's Head, with instructions to speak with Aberforth when he arrived.

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to sit around all day at his family's home waiting to confront the man, Rodolphus left for Hogsmeade immediately when he finished his work for the day with Nott. When he arrived, it was clear that Aberforth was waiting for him. Ordering a firewhiskey to try and calm his nerves, Rodolphus waited at the bar, keeping to himself and avoiding Aberforth's attempts at small talk. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he was directed to a back room that was being used for storage.

Rodolphus felt his lip curl as he tried not to bump into one of the numerous dusty bottles that filled the space, wondering why on Earth Dumbledore would have found this to be a suitable place to meet. They weren't likely to be stumbled upon, but surely there was someplace better? Couldn't he have just flooed into Hogwarts?

The Headmaster arrived before he could turn tail and leave, looking much older than the last time he'd seen him. "Mister Lestrange, how are you doing this evening?" he asked, sounding more aloof than Rodolphus thought possible.

Feeling his blood begin to boil, Rodolphus snarled. "If you must know, I am losing my edge," he told the man who'd manipulated him into joining the Death Eaters in the first place. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Dumbledore."

"Don't say that," the older wizard chided him. "No one knows that you have been helping me, and Voldemort trusts you more than ever. The fact that he gave you the Cup is more than proof enough."

"He's growing more paranoid," Rodolphus said, swallowing thickly. He had not yet had to submit to one of the Dark Lord's questioning sessions, but he didn't want to wait around long enough to have it happen. He didn't want his mind ripped apart and his treachery discovered. Even worse was complemplating what would happen to him after Voldemort knew he'd betrayed him. "Not to mention the only reason that he trusts me is because he believes that Hermione is dead!"

"He has no reason to doubt your loyalty, Rodolphus," Dumbledore answered, giving him a condescending smile, as if he understood what the Dark Lord was like, as if he could even fathom the anxiety that Rodolphus felt. "Please be patient. This will all be over soon. I promise."

"Be patient?" he questioned, doing his best not to shout at the other man, not wanting to draw undue attention to their little meeting. "I've been exceedingly patient with you and Weasley, Dumbledore. You won't even tell me if Hermione is really still alive! I haven't seen her for months now." Embarrassed, he could feel tears prick at the back of his eyes, wondering if he'd gotten Hermione killed.

Dumbledore stared at him over his half-moon glasses, absolutely no warmth reflected in his blue eyes. "You think that I could really kill her?" he asked, sounding offended.

"If the ends justify the means," Rodolphus answered with a sneer. He really wasn't sure what Dumbledore was capable of. "Wasn't that your same reasoning for having me join the Death Eaters in the first place?"

"Miss Granger is alive and well," Dumbledore said after a beat of silence, not denying Rodolphus's accusations. "But most importantly, she is safe. Not even Arthur knows of her whereabouts, only I do. This will keep her safe from Voldemort."

Rodolphus cringed at hearing the name. "Please, Dumbledore, I am begging you. I need to see Hermione with my own eyes or I just might go insane," he pleaded, grabbing onto his former Headmaster's arm. "I have done everything that you've asked - I got you the Diary and this cup, too. And if I am honest, the only reason I did it was for Hermione. I need to speak with her...apologize...explain that I've changed."

"And you have no idea how much your assistance has helped Hermione," Dumbledore answered, patting Rodolphus's arm.

Rodolphus didn't find it felt comforting at all. If anything it only made his stomach sink. It might have helped, but at what cost? Would Hermione ever forgive him? And what could Hermione possibly need with the items he'd retrieved? How could she possibly need him to be pledged to the Dark Lord?

"But now...after the things that he makes us do...I'm not sure that Hermione will even want to look at me again," Rodolphus said darkly. "I can't let another act stain my name. It might already be too late, but I am not going to do anything to make it worse than it already is. Please, let me see her."

Dumbledore stared at him, his eyes roving over his face, perhaps trying to read his sincerity, perhaps just buying time. But, eventually he let out a great sigh. "Alright, I will set something up," he said with a frown. "Although I think it might be too soon, Hermione has...expressed interest in speaking to you again as well. She has something she needs to share with you."

Rodolphus felt his heart soar at the words, knowing that the love of his life at least wanted to talk to him again. He wasn't sure that it was going to be a good talk, but it was at least a change that he could explain himself and that they might be able to be together again.

He wondered what Dumbledore meant about Hermione having something to tell him. Was she finally going to share her past life with him? She'd always promised she would once he stood up to his father for her, to fight for their relationship. While he'd failed miserably in that regard, even worse by continuing on with the farce of looking for a bride with his father, he wondered if she was finally willing to explain some of that mystery.

"When?" he asked, wetting his lips in excitement. He wanted to be taken to her right at that moment.

"I'm not sure. I will need to speak with her, and I will let you know," Dumbledore informed him. "Until then, just continue on as you have been. Don't draw any unnecessary attention to yourself."

Rodolphus shook his head, furiously. "No, no, I can't keep on being a Death Eater, Dumbledore. You don't understand the kind of person the Dark Lord is, what he asks of us. I can't do it a minute longer," he said. Suddenly, he felt like he was drowning again, treading water, but feeling his head start to slip under water.

Dumbledore looked disappointed that he couldn't just keep it together a little while longer. "If you must...you could pretend to have come down with dragon pox or maybe spattergoit," Dumbledore said with a wave of his hand. "Something so contagious that even your father won't want to see you."

"That could work," Rodolphus responded, his mind already whirring with plans to get out of seeing his father for at least a week. "And you'll contact me the minute you know?"

"As soon as I can arrange something," Dumbledore agreed. "Now, Mr. Lestrange, if that is all that you needed, I will take my leave."

Rodolphus shook his head quickly. "That's not all, I'm afraid," he said with a frown. Although Hermione was important, she was hardly the only important thing on his mind. "We need to talk about Abraxas. Abraxas Malfoy, I mean."