Chapter 2- DO NOT MESS WITH THE CAPED AVENGER!

Joanfenny, wearing a bonnet: I'm back…

Luke Skywalker: She's back…

Orio: She's BACK…!

Sabine Wren: What are you all doing?

Orio: We're being weird, duh!

Joanfenny: Anyway, I'm back from vacation! I went to several different beaches, got sunburn, bought a Star Wars name tag, and had dreams about dinosaurs! No lie!

Orio: Well, I defeated an alligator! It was nothing but an airhead.

Joanfenny: Yeah, that's because it was someone's pool floaty.

Anyway, thanks goes to DawnDayrider, spacecadet777, Reality Rejection Service, sanbi221, and Guest for reviewing! Thanks also goes to spacecadet777, Imperial Commander 5, and DawnDayrider for following!

And thanks for voting on the villains.

Palpatine: I won, didn't I?

Joanfenny: Actually, no.

Darth Vader: Then who did?

Joanfenny: You'll see… (evil snicker)

Luke: Anyway… Joanfenny Kenobi does own Star Wars, a mall, Sparta, a store welcomer, or anything else mentioned in this story except Orio.

Joanfenny: Wish I could stay and chat, but my dad and I have to pick up my car from the shop, then I'm gonna hunt down the jerk that nearly ran me over.

Darth Vader: …

1) I will not whack the store welcomer with my helmet.

Sabine Wren was in need of some birdfeed for her pet Jabberjay, so with her helmet tucked under her arm she ventured into the shop. It was a big store with rows of different pet supplies, from food to litterboxes to cages. The only weird thing in the store was that a bunch of superhero-dressed kittens were patrolling the isles.

"High, welcome to pet smart." A young lady wearing a red shirt said as Sabine stepped inside. Approaching the employee, the Mandalorian was about to politely ask where the birdfeed was, when Tarkin suddenly came out of nowhere and whacked the clerk with his helmet.

"Dude, what the heck?" Sabine snapped.

"Citizens are not allowed to deal with rebels." Tarkin hissed.

"Oh, yeah, well deal with this!" Sabine whipped out her paint gun and sprayed right into his eyes. She quickly fled the scene when Tarkin started screaming like a baby. Looks like she'll have to find the birdfeed on her own.

2) I will not attack people at Dairy Queen.

"Hello, welcome to Dairy Queen, may I take you order?" Said the bored cashier, not paying any attention to his customer's Jedi outfit. I guess the employee's not a geek. How sad.

Obi-wan Kenobi eyed the menu. "Well, I'll have you strawberry shortcake and a blizzard—"

"KENOBI!" a raspy voice screamed. Spinning around, the Jedi Master's eyes widened as Darth Maul charged him like an angry bull. The Siths Yellow eyes were locked on the general. His twin sabers were ignited and destroying anything that got in his way. Wow, when Mauls angry, he's angry.

"Run, it's the devil!" Some lady shouted. All the customers screamed and scattered in every direction like roaches flee from light. Obi-wan ignited his blue saber just in time to block Maul's attack. The Jedi and sith jumped over counters and smoothie machines, trying to gain the upper hand. it was a dramatic duel, and as this was happening the "Duel of Fates" soundtrack started playing through the mall's speakers. Finally Maul managed to twist Obi-wan's lightsaber from his grasp and then kicked him in the stomach.

The Sith sneered, showing his ugly teeth. "You will pay for what you did—ow!" Maul rubbed his horned head. "What the—"

Looking over Maul's shoulder, Obi-wan eyed a short nun holding her purse like a whip. "Be gone, Satan!" She screamed, whacking the Sith again.

"What? I'm not—ow! Cut it out—hey-OW!"

Obi-wan could only gape as the venerable-looking nun overpowered the powerful force-wielder. He considered telling the Sister that Maul wasn't the devil, but then decided not to interfere. Instead he pulled out his smart phone and started recording the scene.

"This is going to break the internet." He snickered.

3) I will not steal pennies from the fountains.

Rey wasn't much of a mall person, after all she was raised on a desert planet, but there was a Swiss Army knife on sale. Being the scavenger she was, she decided to find some loose change she could use.

Girl, the only thing in America you can buy with loose change is a pack of gum.

Of course Rey didn't know this, so she grabbed her trusty staff and ventured into the unknown. Pretty soon she came across a large fountain with a low marble bridge in its center. Looking over the edge, Rey noticed hundreds to pennies glittering at the bottom of the pool.

"Jackpot! " Rey shouted happily as she dived in. Water splashed out of the fountain and onto the floor, causing shoppers to slip. Rey scooped up fistfuls of coins and dumped them into her satchel. Daydreaming on how many Swiss Army knives she could buy with the cash, Rey didn't notice her sworn enemy approach her.

"You do realize your stealing from the mall." A deep voice hissed. Looking up from her work, the scavenger saw the great and powerful Kylo Ren… with chewed-up gum in his hair. Sheesh, now he really needed a haircut.

Rey fought back a snort. "Says the guy who broke all the gumball machines."

Kylo was about to give a retort, when some shouted: "Hey, what do you two think you're doing?"

"A security officer, run!" Rey shouted as she scrambled out of the pool. Not knowing what else to do, Kylo ran after her.

"Stop following me." Rey hissed to Ren as they escaped into a department store. Trying to act casual, the two of them slipped into a hat section. The other shoppers gave them odd looks, which is understandable; they were a gummed-haired darksider and a wet scavenger.

"What were you going to do with that cash anyway?" Ren queried.

"I was going to buy a knife to shave your head." Rey snapped as she wringed out her hair.

"No, not my precious hair!" Kylo whined, covering his head with his arms.

Just then an army of kittens, all dressed as superheroes, scurried past their feet. "FOR TUNA!" One black-and-white kitten screamed.

"Orio?" Rey questioned. "What are you doing?"

"Shh! You're giving away my secret identity." Orio hissed.

"An evildoer. Everyone attack!" One kitten screamed. In just 5 seconds, Ren was overpowered by fur-ball felines.

Rey: Well, that was interesting.

Tarkin: I GOT PAINT IN MY EYES!

Joanfenny: Guess who won in the polls?!

Luke: Who would have thought it would be Tarkin?

Leia: I know right! I thought it was going to be Palpatine!

Han: Hey, people, I got a poll of my own! Who should gurgle Gershwin with Luke? It can be a Star Wars character, but I recommend a character from another fandom.

Luke: What?

Han: Remember our bet, Luke?

Luke: …Sometimes I wish you were still in the carbonite.

Joanfenny: Hey, has anyone seen Orio?

Orio: You mean, the Caped Avenger?!

Kylo: AAAAHHH!

Joanfenny: What's up with him?

Rey (smiling): I have no idea.

Darth Vader: Review, or else Joanfenny will put Jar Jar Binks in the next chapter!

Everyone else: NOOO!

Jar Jar: How rude.