Vader Hates Macy's

Authoress' note: School's coming up, and my computer keeps dying every five minutes (I'm not kidding, it died twice while I was trying to bring up this page on Word) so production will be a bit slower. But don't you worry, fellow Fanfiction lovers, because this story's going to the end!

Thanks goes to spacecadet777, Flying Dragoon, DatPerson, Tis a secret, and especially Reality Rejection Service for reviewing.

Thanks also goes to Proud Sith Nerd and Silver Sunshine the Hedgehog for following, and Proud Sith Nerd and Silver Sunshine the Hedgehog for favoriting.

Tis a secret: I know what it's like to have writers block. It's not fun and can slowly drive one mad. My dad always tells me to kill a character (which sometimes works) but I recommend putting yourself in your characters situation and think "What would I do?" Either that or have some crazy event happen that changes the story.

Reality Rejection Service: Thanks for the suggestion that Padme goes to Macys. That gave me an idea…

Flying Dragoon: Hate to break it to ya, but guess where the rebels are going next…

spacecadet777: I agree. Takin must die!

DatPerson: Glad you liked the Swedish Fish part. It's my favorite candy.

Anyway, on with the story!

Orio: Joan doesn't own anything except a car and me… The Caped Avenger!

10)I will not allow Padme to know about Macy's.

"Ohhh! Ani, these shoes are on sale!" Cried Padme as she picked up some cute-looking sandals. "I'll need to buy a dress to match these."

Vader inwardly groaned. After the whole Gurgle Gershwin incident, Padme ran right up to her husband telling him that she found this awesome store called Macy's. Next thing he knew he was standing outside the dressing room watching his wife and her handmaids drool over Earth fashion. At least he wasn't alone; Luke and Han also had become victims to their wives shopping. Mara Jade was currently arguing with a clerk while Leia was checking out the jewelry.

Luke checked his watch for the 100th time. "We've been here for the past hour."

Han grumbled, "At this rate we'll never get to that sports store."

Just then Obi-wan and Qui-gon approached the trio. "Since when did you three like Macy's?" Obi-wan snickered.

"It's not us," Luke defended, "It's our wives."

"This is why Jedi stay single." Qui-gon stated.

Vader rolled his eyes. Of course, I am the only one who knows this because I'm the narrator.

Just then Padme strutted out of the dressing rooms. She was wearing a short black dress. "How do I look?"

"Like you're going to a funeral." Han spat.

Padme huffed. "It's gonna be your funeral if you don't shut up."

Luke sighed. Personally, he hated Earth fashion. It was too tight, too flashy, too plain, or showed too much. Everywhere Luke had looked he had seen these huge posters of girls in bikinis or something.

I hear you Luke, Joanfenny hates that stuff too. Have you no shame Clothes Designers?!

But anyway, Mara decided to break the moment by marching up to Luke. Her face was as red as her hair and she was dragging a squirming clerk behind her. "Luke!" She screamed, "Tell this con-man clerk that those pink shirts are on clearance!"

"That's a woman you're dragging." Luke stated the obvious. "And I don't know what pink shirts your talking about."

Suddenly a stampede of animals that ranged from Guinee pigs to dogs to snakes raced past the store's entryway, with a teenage girl screaming, "You're free! You're free!"

"I gotta see this." Han said as he raced outside. Clothes and clerks forgotten, all the Star Wars characters followed the smuggler. It's a good thing they left the store, because Lando had put a couple grenades in there, so as soon as they left the whole place exploded. Now, I'm thinking Yayyy! The Bikini pictures are gone! But Padme's thinking No!My PURSE!

So Vader had to spend the next two hours helping his wife pick out a new purse.

Sucks to be you, Vader.

11) I will not go to the wardrobe department and ask where Narnia is.

My brothers are crazy. Jaina Solo thought. Her twin brother was a Sith, her other-dimension brother (that's Kylo) was flirting (and failing) with some scavenger, and her youngest brother had just dared her to say the weirdest thing to a customer service person.

But she was a Jedi, Jedi show no fear. So Jaina bravely walked into Home Depot and approached the first employee she saw.

"Could you take me to the wardrobe section?" Jaina asked. Ok, that wasn't the weird question.

As a matter of fact, the place did have a wardrobe section. All along the ginormous shelves were different wardrobes of different sizes and colors. There was even a sparkly pink one.

"What are you interested in?" The salesclerk asked, waving his hand at the various wardrobes.

Jaina took a deep breath. "Which one leads to Narnia?"

The clerk frowned. "What?" Dude?! You've never heard of Narnia?

"Narnia, the place with the talking trees?"

Around a corner a young voice snickered. "Anakin!" Jaina yelled. 'I'm gonna kill you!"

"No! No! Jacen's the brother your supposed to kill, not me, helllllp!" But his attempts of escape was in vain, for soon Anakin found himself tied to a grill with a plank of wood in his mouth.

"Itw was wowth it." Anakin said to himself.

12) I will not bang pots and pan in the cooking store.

Duchess Satine was always a woman of peace, but peace never exists at the mall, especially on Black Fridays. Several stores had already detonated, the pets are loose, and she saw a teenage boy tied to a grill at Home Depot, so she decided to go to the cooking store, hoping to get some Earth cook books.

The peace was soon disrupted though, when a loud banging sound came from isle 66. If you've seen The Clone Wars, then you know that Satine had a detective bone in her body. when she arrived to the isle, her eyes widened to the sight if Pre Viszla… banging pots and pans.

"What are you doing?" Satine shouted over the noise.

"You always talk of peace, but Mandalorians are warriors!" Viszla yelled.

"But we aren't on Mandalore, we're on Earth!"

"Still, we are not a peaceful race!"

"And you're proving this by banging pots and pans?"

"Maul stole my Darksaber."

Satine threw her hands up and huffed. "This isn't my problem." And with that she trekked off to find Obi-wan.

Orio: Next up… the Caped Avenger!

Joanfenny: We'll see. Alright people, remember to review, favorite, follow, and sub—oh, wait that's YouTube.

Luke: Why did Sabine release all the pets?

Orio: I donno, but one of the cat's is my cousin, so I'm just glad she did.

Luke: By the way, has anyone seen my nephew Anakin?

Satine: I last saw him in Home Depot.

Luke: Oh. I didn't know he likes house designing.

Satine. Not exactly…

Authoress note: For those of you who read the story and then saw this chapter deleted for a quick moment, that's because I forgot to space the chapters. It's all fixed now, you're welcome.