PRANKING PIANISTS

Thank you Reality Rejection Service and Jeffry the storm for reviewing. Wow, you certainly had a lot to say, Jeff. Thanks for the suggestions with the Stormtroopers, Ewoks and Droids. Believe me, I appreciate the suggestions and I'm glad you love this. Hmm… an ATAT outside the mall?

Rey: Oh…! Maybe Finn and I can steal one!

Joanfenny: Really, they're just humped camels.

Darth Vader: That's offensive.

Joanfenny: Whatever. Anyway, I own nothing but Orio and a car. I also own a copy of Screaming Citadel.

Dr. Aphra: You mean with the crazy queen?

Joanfenny: Yeah, she reminds me of Harley Quinn.

Luke: She's Cray-Cray.

Dr. Aphra: So are you, Mr. Gurgle Gershwin.

Luke: How'd you…?

Dr. Aphra: It's on YouTube.

Luke HAN!

13) I will not steal the cars on display.

It was lunchtime, so the TFA crew were at the Mall's mess hall (or whatever you call it) eating Lunch. Rey had gotten Tacos, Finn was eating a Big Mac, Poe was dining on Japanese food, Phasma had sushi, Hux feasted on Chicken (a whole one), and Kylo had ordered 27 slices of pizza. Unfortunately his slices were still cooking, so he kept on trying to steal the other's food while he waited.

Poe presented a list on the table. "Okay, Finn says that Rey's a Kenobi, I say Skywalker, Phasma and Hux says that she's reincarnate of Anakin, and Kylo says that Reylo's gonna be a thing."

"Eww!" Rey and Finn said in union.

"What, do you know how much Reylo art is out there?" Kylo objected.

"Yeah, I've seen it. Some of those artists have no shame."

"Hey," Poe said, "Joan's an artist."

"Yeah, but the only Reylo art she's ever done is me whacking hair-cut here with a skillet."

Suddenly Hux broke out his air-guitar "You make me feel incincible! Earthquake powerful…!"

"Uh, dude?" Finn said.

Hux looked at the other characters, "What? They just came out with a new album last fall."

Rey cleared her throat. "I don't see the point in this. It's too predictable if I'm a Skywalker, too weird if I'm a Kenobi, too creepy if I'm a Palpatine—"

Just then a loud screech came from somewhere in the mall, followed by a lot of panicked screams. Soon a shiny new Honda zoomed around the corner at top speed. Hanging out of Shot-guns window was Palpatine, sticking his tongue out like a dog. From the inside of the car came several drunken voices. Then the car crashed though one of the glass double-doors and out into the parking lot.

The TFA crew sat in silence, looking at Palpatine's grand exit, then Rey continued as if nothing happened. "And being a reincarnate of Anakin? That's nuts! Who'd ever heard of that in the Star Wars universe? Sound's too much like The Last Airbender to me."

"Yeah, and if that's the case, then Reylo's gonna be really weird, cause Kylo would be making out with his grandfather." Poe added.

Rey and Kylo both gagged at that comment.

14) I will not attack the pianist at Von Guan.

Did you know that almost every Von Guam has a pianist? Yeah, the place where you can buy sandals for 200 dollars has a pianist instead of crappy songs though the speakers.

But not everybody likes pianists.

"Ready?" Jaina Solo asked her twin brother. Darth Caedus/ Jacen Solo nodded. The Jedi and Sith siblings were hiding behind a clothes rack, paint guns ready. The pianist playing was, in fact, their brother Anakin. The original guy had a sudden urge to become a lawyer and left for law school halfway through his shift. The store needed a replacement, and Anakin quickly volunteered.

This is what you get for the whole Narnia prank. Jiana mentally hissed.

Jacen apparently picked up that thought. "Is that vengeance I'm hearing, sis? Good… you are beginning on the path to the Dark Si-"

"Want to have a plank of wood stuffed in your mouth?" Jaina snapped.

Jacen shutted up.

Jaina sighed. "Ok, on the count of three. One… two…"

"Get the Jedi!" Someone shouted. Suddenly a large squad of Clone troopers raced right up to Anakin, shooting lasers. I guess their Order 66 chips were activated or something. Anakin screeched and ran for the nearest exit. The troopers raced after him (although some of them stopped to shoot the piano). Without the piano music, the store was strangely quiet.

For a while neither sibling spoke. Finally, Jaina said. "Dang it."

Meanwhile, At Joanfenny's house…

The young Authoress sat on her bed talking into her Banana phone. "Yeah, it's me. Listen, I just saw a video of Darth Maul being beaten up by a nun… yes, I know it has two million views. You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you? Well, I would have called you earlier, but my Banana phone was dead… it's solar powered. Yeah, you didn't know that? I know Maul's Obi-wan's villain, I just… wait, don't hang up—Ahsoka!" Joan heard a click on her end. She was about to throw the phone at the wall when it started ringing.

"Hello?" Joan asked.

"Dude… I see colors…" a drugged voice slurred.

Joan hung up.

"Something's not right." Joan muttered. "I must save the world with pineapples!"

Then she remembered that she didn't have her wand.

15) I will not ride Chopper down the mall.

The wind whipped Orio's—oops, I mean the Caped Avenger's fur as he raced down the mall. His little red cape (which was really a cloth napkin) flapped behind him. Even though he had a determined expression, everyone thought he was just a cute cat in costume.

A lot of strange things had been occurring today. First, he defeated the Evil Kylo Ren. Now, he was patrolling the halls, looking for evil to fight.

He stopped to eye Ahsoka Tano, who was currently talking into a banana. Orio managed to hear someone scream "Ahsoka!" before the Togruta hung up.

That sounds like a damsel in distress. Orio thought. "Halt!" He shouted, blocking Ahsoka's path. "Who were you talking to in that Banana?"

"Uh… no one." The Rebel/ formal Jedi said.

"You lie. You are holding a girl hostage in that Banana."

Ahsoka scrunched her face in annoyance. "No, it was just Joan."

Orio gasped. "NO! My owner's trapped in the Banana!' immediately Orio jumped up and grabbed the fruit with his teeth, then he ran off yelling "Iw'll sawve you Joanwenny!"

Ahsoka sighed and shook her head. For a superhero , he wasn't that bright.

Just then Evil did scream across the hall, in the form of a grumpy droid being beaten by a Jedi Padawan with a wrench.

"Hera can't save you now, Chopper!" Ezra cried.

Joanfenny: Hey, whoever finds my wand gets five dollars and a stick.

Luke: A stick?

Joanfenny: Yes.

Dr. Aphra: Well, I'm in need of a stick, so…

Vader glares at Aphra.

Dr. Aphra: …I'll, uh… I'll keep my eyes out for it.

Darth Vader: We have absolute no idea where your wand is, Authoress.

Luke: Yup.

Leia: That's right.

Ahsoka: Vader defiantly did not steal it.

Vader glares at Ahsoka.

Joanfenny: Okay…

Luke (nervously): Yeah, uh… remember to review!

Joanfenny: And five points go to whoever knows the song Hux was singing.