Don't Own Rwby, Only The Oc

'thought'

"Speech"

"Tvs, Radios, and Text via book or newspaper... when those are around..."

(Mid Chapter Authors Notes)

'hrm... there is really nothing to do, is there?' I hum as I sit upside-down in a recliner that I have recently acquired (Stolen), just pondering the questions of life.

'I mean, I could always try and go for my balance breaker, but I have a feeling that will just be a load of wasted effort... cause' that mostly works on the wielder's emotions, no real training will help me at all.'

'…'

'though I might be able to upgrade it, if only slightly... but a times two multiplier, technically times four, easily puts me in maybe the top ten percent of all people on Remnant if I can up my physical abilities a bit.'

I roll off the chair and onto my feet.

'now waiiit a minute... isn't there a large herd of goliaths just sort of chilling around mountain glenn? Maybe I could kill one of the smaller ones!'

"HRRRMMMM"

"probably not." I shrug. "Those fuckers probably have armor AT LEAST three feet thick... and at least creepyboi is killing loads of grimm~ he must have moved into a new area!"

"…"

"Should I piss off the grimm dragon?"

"…"

"Won't be able to kill it... and it will most likely just VAPORIZE Vale~"

"Hmmm..."

I blink as a thought crosses my mind. "Isn't there like this really op Atlesian base in the northern part of Mistral? Like they have a giant mech they use to pacific rim the shit out of kaiju grimm?"

'Why don't I just go hang out over there... and just leech off the grimm essence left behind from the giant mech fights? I mean, in the series there were like THOUSANDS of manticore swarming that city as well... but that might have just been because of the relic of knowledge being there...'

'still, thousands of grimm that can raid a city on short notice!'

"THAT'S IT! IM GOIN' TO MISTRAL!"

'day twenty-two... I haven't seen even a SINGLE grimm since I have been here... I am so fucking mad.'

'Captain's Logue: Day Fifty-Eight: at this point I am actually debating if I should leave or not... I got to see a small skirmish about ten days ago... and the strongest grimm there was a sort of snowy variant of the deathstalker... so practically garbage... though they did kill quite a few manticores... and those are on 'Ursa-Major level' for essence, so that was pretty cool! I counted at least twenty before they all got nuked by a missile barrage... and that practically gave me like FOUR giant nevermore worth of essence... overall a pretty good day! End Logue...'

'Captain's Logue: Day 'Dear god why am I even still here anymore?!': this town was a freaking FLOP, I stg it only gets attacked by grimm once every three months or so and even then, it's what, like five giant nevermore worth of essence? THAT'S ONLY A THIRD OF MY TWICE CRITICAL! By this point, I have been here for about nine months, racking up enough essence to make a second twice critical, sadly, they wouldn't stack so I haven't bothered... like I have been spending ALL OF MY TIME working out while waiting for grimm-raids (Thankfully I have gotten a nice little four pack and some slight muscles) with an hour or five of playing game systems that I have 'LEGALLY' acquired *Snrk* but DAAAMN I might as well go back and freaking pester Ruby or some shit cause I legit don't know how much longer I can live in this hellish eye-scape... everything is staring at me and I think I am getting a hyperbolic time chamber complex... a week... I will give this fuck-mothering town... one more week.'

I grumble to myself as I walk through the alleyways of Vale. "damn town gets attacked by giant grimm the second I leave? What utter bullshit."

'and it doesn't help that ever since I got back in the city, a certain bird has been stalking me...'

I yawn and look behind me suddenly with a serious expression, revealing that 'no-one' is there as a bird watches me from up on a building.

"Hmm." I shrug and continue walking.

I lean my head forwards slightly and look down at the ground as a knife flies through where my temple was seconds before.

'…'

"Huh... thought my shoes untied." I hum, acting like I didn't even notice the knife wielding probably the same serial killer as before- knowing my luck and clichés- 'like didn't this dude get arrested?'

I 'stumble' forwards after 'tripping' on a crack, avoiding another slash. "Oops..."

"Hrm... what should I get for lunch?"

My eyebrow twitches as he goes for a stab towards my back.

"That's it." I snarl, catching the guy's wrist in a portal as he stabs forwards. "I TRIEEED to let you just walk away, but NOW you really pissed me off!"

His second hand is held by another portal.

"BOOST"

I punch him in the stomach till his aura shatters, which only takes like fifteen good hits, then I draw my fist back and punch him square in the nose as the punch doubles in speed.

*Crack-*

"AGH-"

I release his hands as he goes flying back, then I turn and punch into a portal, my fist appearing behind him and punching him in the back, then both of his knees are broken courtesy of Jeff.

"Frankly, you are lucky that I even let you live... I could have shot you and been done with it, we both know that... the world might have been even better off without you in it~" I turn around and walk away. "Fuck off you fucking casual, I haven't got time for pussy little bitches like you."

I let out a long sigh. "ooh... lost my cool there..."

I stare blankly at a bird sitting on powerlines across the road as I take a bite of my subway.

It stares back.

"…"

I take another bite of my sandwich without breaking eye contact.

I blink slowly and the bird takes flight, fluttering in the opposite direction.

'hm... okay then...'

'ugh I wish some sort of plot advancement found me, I have like, what? Two years till canon?'

I sigh, wrapping up the second half of my sandwich before standing up and falling into a portal.

I let out a long sigh from on top of this broken-down building as I look out into the destroyed city.

'Mountain Glenn is pretty good this time of year... I have already gained a giant nevermore's worth of essence due to a second creepy boi I made... so, in all honesty I have only broken even.'

I look back down at the book in my hands as I adjust my umbrella slightly, so it is entirely covering my chair.

A bit of rubble behind me crunches causing me to tense up.

I slowly turn to look behind me.

"…"

'I regret my decision for plot advancement...'

crouched about 30 feet away on the edge of the rooftop is a thin humanoid with a knee-length brown coat that leaves some of his scarred chest exposed.

He has brown hair that is tied back into a long ponytail, seemingly styled after a scorpion tail, his yellow eyes glinting with less sanity than a... thing with zero sanity... a werewolf on the moon? A vampire who tests mirrors? A squeamish person working at a blood bank?

"Ooooh I thought I heard someone up here!" He cackles

I hide my absentminded terror by sipping on my milkshake loudly.

He stands up and hunches forwards slightly while tilting his head. "You look... familiar..."

He DISAPPEARS.

"…"

I turn my head back to the way it was to see him straight up 'slav squatting' on my table, his face about five inches from my own.

"Ooooh I know why you are familiar~"

I glare at him and he suddenly leaps backwards.

"Hrm?" He hums as he looks around.

He stares at me as I open a portal below me.

"Grk-"

Only for him to appear in front of me and grab me by the throat and lifts me up by one hand.

"Nonono" he cackles. "No running away!"

He pauses and takes the time to look around quickly.

I wince and grab at his arm, summoning a portal at chest height-

He squeezes my neck tighter. "No, no... none of that... put it away or ill snap your neck like a twig!"

I am forced to close the portal.

"Hmmm you are weaker than I remember..." He narrows his eyes.

"OH!" He exclaims, eyes widening like he just had the greatest idea in the world. "I will bring you to my grace! She will surely know what to do with you!"

He reaches out his other hand towards my face. "Night night kiddo-ACK-"

He releases me as a bullet strikes his temple, allowing me to actually fight back.

"BOOST"

I punch him in the stomach and double the punches' speed, sending him skidding back across the roof as he covers his temple with his hand, only to get shot in the face by another bullet, briefly stunning him as I open two portals and ABSOLUTELY DEMOLISH the side of the roof he is on with two artillery shells.

'what was attacking hi- NOPE ILL THINK ABOUT IT LATER!'

I leap backwards off the roof of the building and plummet towards the ground where I open a portal and use it to launch myself through the air.

'FUCK. THAT.'

'NEVER AGAIN!'

I continue my leaps until I reach Vale, then I land in the upside down.

I wipe my brow of a bit of sweat and collapse in my recliner.

"So," I pant "What were with those gunshots?"

A folded piece of paper slaps my forehead.

"Hm?"

Dear Teal Indie

Hi! It's been a while, huh? Well, anyway, it's me, Goddess-chan! And I have sent you this message to say 'CONGRATULATIONS!' You have unlocked your semblance!

'Wh-'

Look down and to your left, then you will see what your semblance is, and I know you will be pleased because I remember that you complained about this a long time ago!

I do as the note says, and look down to the floor.

It is a small thing, roughly a foot thick, a foot tall, and about two feet long, looking slightly like a tank chassis, it is colored a dull brown and has a couple black stripes going down the center, on the top is a large barrel attached to a tank turret at the back of the chassis, with the barrel easily being over four feet long, however, one half is folded up completely so it touches the top of the other barrel, cutting the length in half, while a normal tank would have treads, this one has four legs sprouting from its sides, each seemingly based off insectoid legs going by the fact that they go down, then bend up to some sort of knee joint, where they then bend down once more and end with a sharp tip, presumably to be used to dig into the ground so the recoil of having a gun more than twice its size wouldn't send it flying.

"Wh-"

I look back at the note, new text appearing after I finish what it requested of me.

Say hello to your very own STAND! Yep! That's Right! I heard you grumbling about not having 'STANDO POWAH' so I messed around a bit and made you have the VERY FIRST sentient semblance! (the ability to have stands is also passed through your bloodline... just thought you should know that)

Annnyway, SAY HELLO TO YOUR STAND, 'IRON MAIDEN'!

(For future reference, yes, anyone with aura can see your Iron Maiden, meaning that if their weapons have aura channeled into them, they can cut it and by extension, your aura/you.)

Stand Name: Iron Maiden

Stand Master: Teal Indie

Statistics:

Power: C
Speed: E
Range: B
Durability: C
Precision: C
Potential: A

A Mechanical stand that can set up a long distance away from its user, its primary attack is the large gun that is inserted in its body, though its actual special ability is that it can 'plug into' any mechanical object (with some sort of U.S.B. or electrical port of course) and take control. (Please note that depending on the size, type, and security of said object, it might take more time than normal.)

'ooookay...'

Keep things interesting mkay?

- Goddess-Chan

'Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. YES!'

'time to go rub my semblance superiority in Weiss' face agaiiin~'

"I'm back, my friend!" I announce my presence with a note like always.

"Hm." Weiss nonchalantly hums as she looks down at the note. "Where are you going to appear this time?"

"Right here." I yawn behind her.

She surprisingly doesn't flinch...

"What do you want?" She asks.

'you know... I should give myself a backstory... something sort of... bizarre...'

"Well, I kind of needed someone to talk to" I shrug. "Annd I feel like you would at least listen to my issues."

"Mhm..." She hums. "And what makes you think I don't have something better to do?"

"I mean, you can ignore me if you want" I shrug. "I'm just going to be monologuing."

She turns back to her desk and begins filling out some sort of paper with a pencil.

"I-is writing letters all you ever do?!"

"Homework." She answers.

"Hmm... okay then, on with my story."

"It all started about nine months ago when I decided that I don't have a quickly renewable source of energy, then I searched up the town that had the highest colossal grimm attacks out of most other towns, it turned out to be a little town at the northern tip of Mistral, Argus, the home of Sanctum academy and that one Atleasian base that has a giant robot." I start off. "I stayed inside my semblance for NINE months... and that was a horrible experience, and I got literally nothing for it, sure there were a couple grimm raids here and there, but nothing on the colossal grimm scale, and, like, the city COULD handle that easily, it just never happened while I was there..."

"The week, the FREAKING week I left, a giant grimm showed up and got demolished... that thing probably had SO MUCH essence, I could have probably made something cool with that." I sigh and shake my head. "Anyway, I get back to Vale, and what do you know? A serial killer that I got thrown in jail shows up and tries to gut me, I break his legs, then I decide, 'Hey, mountain Glenn probably has a surplus of grimm, ripe for the corrupting, so I go there and sort of just stay on top of a skyscraper for a while."

"Get this, some dude, some RANDOM freaking dude who was totally BONKERS just appears at the edge of the building all "oooh I thought I heard someone up here." And just moves faster than I could blink and appears behind me crouched on MY DINNER AND TABLE, and acts like he knows me! The entire time spouting something about 'his queen' or his 'liege' and his 'goddess' and proceeds to pick me up by the throat as I try to warp away, SUDDENLY his temple is hit with a sniper bullet, and then he drops me, I punch him in the stomach, sending him across the roof and allowing me to shove the barrels of two artillery cannons in his face then i explode the side of the roof he was on, allowing me to escape off the roof and do my classic flying technique of falling in a horizontal direction."

"Then when I got back in my semblance, I realize it upgraded." I sigh.

Weiss is now facing me with a look of confusion.

"What?" I ask.

"You have serious issues." She sighs. "You act like that is a normal day for you."

"I mean, sure." It kind of is. "When your mother is someone who throw's trains at people with portals on a regular basis and fights with a stop sign, plus, your father, one: claims to be a vampire who stole the body of his adopted brother, and two: has some sort of punchy ghost that can stop time, I guess I just have some sort of bizarre destiny~"

*Goddess-Chan Will Remember That*

'oh no...'

Weiss looks even more confuddled. "Y-You are just messing with me right."

"NNNNope!" I grin. "I figured out that the spooky ghost thing was a hereditary thing as well so I have one as well!"

"Its ability isn't as cool as time stopping though." I pout.

"Wait... wouldn't the same spirit be passed down-" she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "You almost got me there... I almost thought... for a second that you actually had a ghost."

"The actual term is 'stand', I just call them spooky ghosts to simplify it for those who don't know about them~." I hum as I snap my fingers, summoning Iron maiden in all of its most likely Act 1 glory.

Weiss' mouth is left agape at the small striding robot.

"The best part is! It can control anything with an electrical socket or a usb port!" I laugh.

'you know... I am hoarding a lot of cool magic stuff to myself.'

I yawn 'you know what... I have enough energy for that, right?'

"You know what?" I ask.

"H-Hm?" Weiss asks as she snaps out of her daze.

"I was being pretty rude." I shrug. "Not sharing something cool with one of my first/only friends!"

"w-What?"

'fuck canon!'

"Pick an ability based on the names, I won't tell you what they do until AFTER you pick."

"Your... going to grant me an... ability?"

"Yep! Now pick! Blade Blacksmith, Twilight Healing, or a Twice Critical!"

"U-Uh blade blacksmith?"

"Oh wow... you picked the best option I can give you right off the bat... huh..." I hum.

"The real question is, do you want Blade Blacksmith, or Sword Birth, both do practically the same thing, they each create swords based on your imagination! however Blade Blacksmith creates Holy Swords, and Sword Birth creates Demonic swords."

"What's the difference?"

"Demonic swords cant have light abilities... I think... light being a pure counter towards grimm."

"B-Blade Blacksmith then." She whispers. "I-Im planning on being a huntress... and I might need it if I am put in a bad position."

"Alright then." I shrug as a ball of white fire appears in front of my hand and launches at Weiss.

"EEP!" She flinches as the ball of white fire soars at her, quickly crossing her arms over her face and chest in order to protect herself from this 'dangerous fire'.

It flows around her arms and sinks into her chest.

"Done, you know have the sacred gear known as 'blade blacksmith'." I yawn. "Ugh... why couldn't you have picked a twice critical or a twilight healing?"

"YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME IT WOULD LOOK LIKE FIRE!"

"Pfft- nah."

"Don't worry, I have taken the liberty of making it have a subspecies balance breaker, so instead of a bunch of knights you summon a dragon made of swords~"

"Wh-"

"Don't worry about it." I cut off. "I will train you in your sacred gear!"

"Sacred... gear?"

"Yeah, that's what I call the ability I just bound to you!" I shrug. "Here ill show off mine."

"Boost!"

"This is a Twice Critical, normally, it would only increase my speed and strength by two, but this is a subspecies, making it stronger than a normal one! This one can also double momentum!... or was it velocity?"

"…" I tap my chin in thought.

"Annyway, basically it makes any gun I shoot fire at twice the speed of a normal weapon, and yes, it affects good ol Iron Maiden here." I continue as I pat the top of my stand. "The only flaw is that it dissipates the 'boost' after I enhance the speed of something."

"…"

She seems to be in another state of shock as she stares at the floor.

I snap in front of her eyes. "Snap out of it, Weiss."

"A-Alright... you..."

I open my mouth to respond, but then close it seconds later.

"…"

"I have never told you my name, have I?"

"Nope."

"Huh..."

"Well, my name is Teal, nice to officially meet you!"

Welp, I'm posting this a day early because 1: I don't want to have to deal with it tomorrow, and 2: I am bored... see you all later!

Guest reviews:

Some Random Guy: "That game grumps reference threw me off. God I love this fic"

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Thanks!

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RubyXTeal: " Called it and thanks. However which part I gave two."

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The not kid one.

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Goteam: " Sooooo, are you ever going to make Teal troll Salem or he isnt ready for that yet? Also follow up question can Teal met oscar earlier and make him his sidekick?"

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Pfft- as you can see in this chapter, even if he has the potential to be the STRONKEST boi in the universe, he still isn't quite there... and Oscar is still just a filthy farm-boy casual! Who would want that? And im going to call out ozpin here for a second, that little shit doesn't reincarnate into 'likeminded individuals' he just steals a body that has a name with 'Os' or 'Oz' in it.

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Ultimate Shaggy: " Honestly, in my opinion the divideing gear is the supirior sacred gear in terms of combat. While boosted gear can level the playing field by increasing the power of the user it will eventually hit a cap. The divideing gear on the other hand adds a half of the power divided to the user and even when the user reaches the cap that they can increase their power can still weaken the opponent."

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I mean, the boosted gear can boost even without touching the opponent, and if you are strong, it really allows you to get even stronger, like if you are fighting someone in equal power to you, you might as well double your power instead of stealing half of theirs, because by the time you get to your 'second' boost/divide, boosted gear has a multiplier of x4, while divine dividing has a x1.75, admittedly, the opponent will be at a quarter strength, but a boosted gear would work A LOT better for Teal.

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D.O.F.: " yo dawg this shit has more crack than a drug cartel
also don't take this as a request, but a suggestion: fuck around with Cardin more because the birb-bulli needs another asshole (as in the body part) and maybe a different view on Faunus

...That is, if you plan to write about their existence at all. I mean, c'mon man. They're a part of RWBY as well. I know you're trying to show all of the different parts of the show in your crackfic, but at least take some time to acknowledge their existence. RWBY without Faunus is just... RWY..? Maybe? Idk."

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Pfft FAUNUS DON'T EXIST! You utter fool! This was my entire plan all along! Now Teal can be apart of Team Rwby... or would it be 'Team Rwty' Now... no fucking clue what that acronym means tho... rooty? Idfk.

And I already have up to canon 'episode 1' written, and that is chapter 10, so look out for that!

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Cf96: "Wonder what else he can make if he can recreate sacred gears"

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Stuff... probably the dragon balls, but just stuff in general...

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See ya!