Where Am I Going With This Insanity?

Chloe sat in a comfortable armchair by a window in the common room with her feet up on the cushion and hugging her knees to her chest, not really paying any attention to her surroundings, gazing dreamily out of the hospital window. Even through the metal grate covering the glass, the grass and trees outside were beautiful. Birds and butterflies flitting though the air, dandelions gently waving in the light breeze, brown leaves twisting lazily in the air as they fell from the large oak tree that stood tall just outside the window.

There was a thick antiseptic smell in the air that almost stung her eyes with its potency. Softly muttering patients surrounded her. Judith was screaming in a corner about her missing toothbrush while the orderlies attempted to hush her with no success.

Beca would have hated that tree. The thick, low hanging branches would have brought out Chloe's inner daredevil, and Beca would have put up token, but very real, resistance, before climbing the tree after her. She can see herself in the upper branches looking down at her soulmate, taunting her teasingly for being a coward, bribing her with kisses if she only she'd come up to retrieve them.

God she missed Beca's kisses. With just the lightest touch of her lips, her toes would curl, the butterflies would erupt full force, and her knees would get weak. She missed her smile, her touch, looking into her eyes and getting lost. She missed… everything. The big things, the small things. She missed the way they would fight, passionately. Voices raised and eyes blazing, wild gesticulations followed by broody silences. But there was always a moment. During every fight they'd ever had, there was a moment where their eyes would meet during a brief pause in the altercation and the overwhelming and unconditional love would be so tangible that the rest of the fight ending up being more subdued and quick to resolution.

She didn't even realize she'd been crying until a sob caused her entire body to shake. She hurriedly closed and wiped her eyes, and took a deep breath. She surreptitiously looked around at the rest of the citizens of this madhouse, hoping none of them had seen her. This was not the kind of place to show weakness. Luckily most of the other patients seemed to be in their own little worlds, except for one. The Asian girl who hadn't spoken to anyone since arriving was sitting across the room looking at her with an expression that was disconcerting but almost familiar. She was unable to look away as the girl slowly stood up and made her way over.

"Umm…hi," Chloe said to her with more than a hint of nervous trepidation.

Though her expression changed to one of puzzlement, she still didn't speak.

"Can I help you with something?"

The girl cocked her head to the side studying Chloe for a moment before opening her mouth to speak. She appeared to change her mind at the last minute though and closed her mouth and turned away. She only got a couple steps before she suddenly stopped, clenched her fists taking a deep breath and turned back around. "You're Chloe right?"

Chloe just gaped at her with widened eyes before she realized that she must have overheard her name from one of the other patients or orderlies. She schooled her features back into impassivity and slightly nodded her head. The girl took a step closer.

"Chloe Beale?"

Again, she nodded her head at the girl slightly, growing more obviously puzzled at the strange beginning to this conversation.

The Asian girl looked around the common room like she was looking for something, or someone, specific before meeting Chloe's eyes once again. "Is Beca here too?"

"Beca," Chloe whispered, and fought to get control of herself. When she was able to breathe normally again she looked up angrily at the girl in front of her. "Who the hell are you?"

"Right, you obviously don't know me here. This is awkward," she looked around as if trying to find a way to escape, and may have done exactly that if Chloe hadn't stood up and got directly into her face.

"I asked you a fucking question. Who are you and why would you say that name to me?" she hissed through her teeth furiously.

"Shit. Shit shit shit. Sorry! I am so sorry! I'm Lily. Anukamara. Lily Anukamara," Lily ran a hand through her hair nervously and looked even more uncomfortable than before. "I don't even know how to explain without sounding crazy," She looked around pointedly and continued, "and I guess it doesn't matter considering where we are. Shit. I didn't want to do this. I promised myself I wouldn't do this."

Chloe had the distinct urge to escape the situation she now found herself in. "Sit down Lily, and explain." Chloe sat back down, anxiety now gnawing at her gut, not taking her eyes off the crazy young woman in front of her, and gestured to the seat nearby which Lily accepted and reluctantly lowered herself into.

Lily looked around the room to see if anyone was paying any attention to them quickly before launching in to her story. By the time she was finished speaking, Chloe was feeling lightheaded and her heart was beating erratically. Through her blurred vision due to unshed tears Chloe rasped out, "Beca's alive?"

There are few things more annoying than crying babies. Or mosquitos that buzz around your head for half an hour before landing and attempting to suck out your life force, leaving behind an equally annoying itch that never stops begging to be scratched. Or telemarketers calling just when you sit down to dinner. Seriously, fuck those guys.

Watching some frat boy douche bag play tonsil hockey with the love of your life tops them all though. Despite what my frosty and sometimes hardened exterior would lead most to believe, I am not actually prone to homicidal tendencies. But in this moment I was very tempted to succumb to my baser instincts.

Pointedly looking away from the gut-wrenching sight in front of my eyes took a herculean effort, but was necessary for self-preservation.

"…and that's why it's the greatest achievement in cinematic history." I looked away from the wall I was attempting to glare a whole into, to stare uncomprehendingly into the eyes of my oblivious 'date'. "What do you think?"

I think you're an idiot. I told you an hour ago when you first mentioned movies that I don't like them, at all. And you've proceeded to talk about nothing but movies ever since. Why the hell did I agree to put myself through this bullshit? Turning my head to look at the happy couple my gut clenched painfully. Oh yeah, I thought grimly to myself, that's why. The 'plan'.

"You should come on a double date with Tom and I this weekend Beca!" Chloe said to me after rehearsal that night. Her smile, like her words, seemed somewhat forced. I could tell she was jealous already, but I had no idea why.

"A double date? Don't those usually involve two couples Chloe?"

"Yes? So, invite Jesse."

"Why would I invite Jesse?" I asked, though I tried to keep the confusion out of my voice.

Chloe raised her eyebrow and said uncomfortably, "Aren't you guys, like, dating? That's what he's telling everyone."

The slight tightening of my jaw is the only thing that gave away my surprise and anger, and I was sure she missed it. Thinking furiously, I decided to use this to my advantage. If Chloe was already jealous, this would be a great opportunity to make that even worse. "He was supposed to keep it quiet, but yes. When did you want to do this?"

She visibly deflated and said, "I'll call you and we'll set it up." The smile was obviously pained, and she waved goodbye as she walked off.

"Beca?" Jesse said again to get my attention.

I turned my attention back to him and he flinched slightly from my glare. "What do I think? I think you're a puffed-up, deluded, self-absorbed asshat. I can't do this anymore." I pointedly ignored the dumbfounded looks on the other two occupants of the table as I got up and left the restaurant.

I was fumbling with the keys to my car when I heard Chloe trying to get my attention from across the street. I ignored her, unlocked my car and slid in smoothly preparing to leave the scene. The headlight illuminated a very angry redhead with her arms crossed standing in front of my car when I started the ignition. I deflated knowing confrontation was now inevitable, and slowly climbed out.

Looking anywhere but at the glowering redhead in front of me I hissed out, "What Chloe?"

"What the hell was that Beca?"

Drawing in a deep and steadying breath I said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit." Hearing the bubbly girl in front of me using a curse word, I jerked my head up and stared at her in surprise. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why did you just storm out on your boyfriend?"

I huffed out an incredulous laugh at her words. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Well, maybe not now, but if you go in there…"

"No Chloe, he's not my boyfriend. He never was."

"I don't understand. You said…"

I ran my hands through my hair out of frustration and made a very unladylike sound somewhere between a snort and a growl stopping whatever Chloe was about to say. "No Chloe, I never said he was my boyfriend. I just didn't argue when you said it."

"But… why?"

I rubbed my hands over my face and steeled my nerves for what I was about to say. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "To make you jealous."

Chloe looked visibly struck by my words and took a step back. "Why would you want to do that?" she asked breathlessly.

"I thought that would be obvious Chlo. I'm in love with you." I looked in to her impossibly blue eyes for a moment longer before smiling at her sadly, getting back in to my car, and driving away.