Kira had had a very long afternoon. He had spent five hours sitting in a corner while he listened to his captain explain the Arrancar in painful detail to a group of shinigami, mostly from the Twelfth, but also General Yamamoto, Captain Kyoraku, and Lieutenant Ise. They had quizzed Gin on Aizen's experiments, on the hollows he used, on his incomplete Hogyoku, and on the Arrancar that had been created. Kira might have found it interesting if it hadn't been in so much detail. It all got far too technical for him. Kurotsuchi, in particular, asked questions that sounded like nothing more than gibberish. Kira had never felt so stupid.
Eventually, it was over, and Kira had walked with his captain back to the Division. It was the first time in his life he'd ever seen Ichimaru Gin look nervous. Yamamoto demanding to know how many shinigami had been killed in the early hollowfication experiments, and he shrugged as he said he couldn't remember but it must have been more than twenty, but going home to face Rangiku, who'd loved him for over a century, and he was dragging his feet and jabbering nervously.
Kira wished his captain luck as they parted, but he didn't think he needed it. Everyone knew how much Rangiku loved Gin, and everyone knew she'd take him back. They knew she'd take him back no matter what he did. She loved him absolutely and unconditionally.
Kira wasn't like a lot of people. He would never say Gin didn't deserve it. In his experience people weren't loved because they deserved to be, and in any case, he knew his captain loved his wife just as absolutely and unconditionally as she loved him. But it was a depressing reminder of his own situation.
He thought about Hinamori as he followed the wandering path back to the main buildings. She seemed to be doing really well considering everything that had happened. She almost never mentioned Aizen, but she didn't try to argue and convince people he wasn't what they thought like she had at first. She seemed to have accepted reality.
As he stepped out onto the clear practice ground behind the division barracks he saw the girl he'd been thinking about sitting on the step up to the back door.
Hinamori stood swiftly and waved to him. She had been waiting for him. That gave him a nice warm feeling. She didn't love him the way he wanted her to, but he was her trusted friend. That was enough.
She crossed the lawn to him and met him with an uneasy smile. "You saw Captain Ichimaru home?"
Kira smiled. He knew she'd never felt comfortable around his captain, few people did, but then she'd tried to kill him, and that was when he realized that she'd thought Ichimaru Gin was the sort of person who would murder someone and joke about it afterwards. She'd thought he was evil. He doubted everything that had happened had changed her opinion much, but he hoped, with time, she and everyone else would see that his captain wasn't so bad.
"Yeah, I didn't hear Rangiku yelling so I guess it's alright," he answered.
"I don't understand how anyone can trust him. I guess she has to since she's married to him, but how can you, after everything he's done, how can you just let him come back like nothing's changed?" Hinamori demanded.
Kira shrugged. "Nothing has changed. Captain Ichimaru's the same person he's always been. He's still my captain."
"But if he was involved with the Arrancar then Captain Isshin and Lieutenant Suzuki-"
"Captain Ichimaru was doing what he believed he had to to protect his family. He did what he could for others when he thought he could risk it. He saved Shiba Miyako, but he couldn't do much, not and keep his cover," Kira answered. "I don't know how he could stand it, watching all those terrible things happen, pretending to be...evil. I couldn't have done it. It would have driven me out of my mind."
"He could stand it because he doesn't feel things like other people do," Hinamori said. "How can you not see that, Kira? He doesn't hurt when he sees other people hurting. He enjoys watching other people's pain. I've seen it, that way he smiles when he says something so horrible, and you know the person he said it to is on the verge of tears, and Captain Ichimaru's smile just gets bigger. It's horrible. How can you trust someone like that?"
Kira sighed. His captain could be horribly cruel when the mood struck him. Weakness, carelessness, and stupidity were faults he absolutely would not allow to pass unnoticed. Displaying any of them would make you a target for his most cutting comments, delivered as jokes, often making others laugh as the humiliation crushed you. Poor Hinamori, with her worshipful adoration of Aizen, had seemed both stupid and weak to Captain Ichimaru, and he had teased her mercilessly.
Of course, he wasn't particularly nice to people who were strong, careful, and intelligent either, but they, at least, could fight back. Captain Ichimaru was a complete bastard, and everyone knew it, Kira included. He hoped that might change now that he wasn't being a villain for Aizen to hide behind, but it was a pretty faint hope. Like Hinamori said, Captain Ichimaru seemed to enjoy his little cruelties.
"I guess he's not a nice person," Kira said, slowly. "But I know he does feel things. I know he loves Rangiku and their children, and he'd do anything for them. I know, as a captain, he's never been careless with the lives of our men. We haven't lost anyone since I've been here, because of him and how hard he makes us train. He'd never win any popularity contests among the captains, but he knows the name of every person in our division and every last weakness they have, and he does everything he can to force them to improve. He takes care of us, not so anybody'd ever notice, but we are stronger, smarter, and more united than the Third ever was before.
"I trust him because he is my captain. I know him, and I know that more than anything else he wants to protect Soul Society so that his family can be happy and safe. He is going to do whatever it takes to protect Soul Society. That's enough for me. I'll follow him wherever he leads."
Hinamori looked away, shaking her head. "That's not right. Captain Ichimaru is selfish, and he hurts people. He's not trying to protect anyone. He's not."
"He nearly died for Toshiro," Kira said. He didn't want to bring up what Aizen had done, didn't want to remind her of how close she had come to death at Aizen's hand, but it had happened, and she couldn't just close her eyes and pretend.
"Did he?" Hinamori said softly, staring out at the moonlit woods. "Is that really what happened? How can we ever know for sure?"
"Toshiro told me," Kira said gently. "He told me everything that happened."
She shook her head again. "It doesn't make sense," she muttered. Then she raised her head, looking up at Kira with eyes that seemed far too wide. "You will always tell me the truth, won't you, Kira? I can always trust you, can't I?"
"Of course," he agreed, but he was worried. There was something wrong with Hinamori. She wasn't as alright as she usually seemed. Losing Aizen must have hurt her more than she was willing to admit. "I'm always here for you."
She smiled and suddenly stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Kira," she said softly. Then she turned and raced away, another shadow in the night.