Hey you guys...

Thank you so much for the reviews.
It was indeed a very sad chapter.
I'm afraid this one won't be any different.
But it will clarify some things :)

Either way, I hope you guys are still able to enjoy it.
Feel free to leave a review, always very much appreciated, as you know by now.
And till next time!

Later dudes!

Chapter 18

With his voice still echoing through her head, Kiwi's gaze wandered through the room, searching for the one thing that could help her locate the mice.
With a little bit of imagination, she soon found what she was looking for and she marched over to the huge pile of rubble that used to be the wall of the room where Vinnie had lost a piece of his soul.
Without slowing down, she started to remove the rocks she could lift with her human strength, throwing them over her shoulder with dogged determination.
Harley, who at first only stared at the human girl, wondering if she had lost her mind, now popped up next to her with confusion written upon her face.
"What are you doing?"
Kiwi rolled her eyes in response without slowing down.
"And they say that Martian Cave Mice are smart. What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to save what is left of my family, you know, the one and only reason why we're here in the first place. Now, are you just gonna stand there and do nothing or are you gonna help me move these rocks? God", she added softly, shaking her head in annoyance.

But Harley folded her arms and studied the human girl with narrowed eyes.
The sudden change in her behavior was shocking, to say the least, and she wasn't sure what it was that had caused it.
"How do you know?", the female mouse asked skeptically.
"What?"
"How do you know that they're here?"
"I just do."
"You just do", Harley repeated toneless, but there was something in Kiwi's voice, a certain determination, a certain strength that hadn't been there before which made her believe that the human girl wasn't just losing her mind but might be really on to something.
Heaving a sigh, she rolled up her sleeves and joined Kiwi in the search, still a bit skeptical.
But there was this small spark of hope.
One she couldn't ignore.
So she decided to give whatever it was that was going on inside that human's head a chance.
A chance was all they needed, after all.

They worked in silence, a thing Kiwi was grateful for.
She wasn't sure what just happened, so she had no idea how to explain it to the by war-hardened female Freedom Fighter, for even the most logical explanation sounded like something that simply didn't exist.
As if she had lost her mind, overwhelmed by grief.
But the truth was, she never had been clearer in the head than at this very moment.
All her emotions were carefully locked behind a dam, except for determination.
It's what gave her the strength to move, to talk, to do whatever was necessary to find her soulmate.
Because she was going to find him.
End of story.

After removing rubble and debris for a time that felt like an eternity, Kiwi's now bleeding fingers scraped over something that felt like metal and her heart skipped a beat as she immediately doubled her efforts.
Harley did the same without asking and soon, they both did a few steps back and looked at the big metal plate that was resting on the remaining pile of debris, kind of like a crooked roof.
"We need to move it. You take that side", Kiwi ordered as she pointed at her left.
For a moment, it seemed as if Harley wanted to protest, to ask the questions from which Kiwi knew were burning on her tongue, but she didn't.
Thank god, she didn't.

After they both grabbed one side of the big plate, Kiwi took a deep breath and looked Harley straight in the eye.
"You ready?"
Harley nodded, still being as quiet as a mouse.
"Okay, on three. One… Two… Three!"
Kiwi clenched her teeth and used all her strength to lift the plate, so did Harley, but it didn't move.
Not even an inch.
"Again. One… Two… Three!"
But again, it didn't budge.
"Shit! Come on, you stupid thing, MOVE!", Kiwi grunted as she now hung with her entire weight on the metal plate, but it was no use.
It was too heavy.
The sharp edge cut in her hands and blood streamed down her arms, but she hardly noticed.
She didn't even feel the pain.
All she knew was that they needed to move this thing and fast too, before it was too late.

Harley dropped on the floor in defeat, breathing heavily while shaking her head.
"This isn't gonna work, there's just no way…"
She then looked at Kiwi, who was still trying to move heaven and earth to get the plate into motion with an almost tormented look on her face and guilt suddenly pressed its heavy weight on her heart.
This was all her fault.
She had given the human girl hope.
But it was now clear to her that it had been false hope.
The small chance she thought they had, was gone.
They were gone.
Forever.
Determined not to break down in front of the already labile Kiwi, she swallowed away her tears, along with the excruciating pain and carefully locked it all away.
Later.
Later, there would be time to break down.
But not now.
Certainly not now.

She climbed back on her feet and walked over to Kiwi before she laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Kiwi, stop. You're hurting yourself…"
"I don't care."
"But I do. Look, you were right. We tried. We owed that to them and we did. But this… this is the end, Kiwi. It's time that we accept the truth…"
But Kiwi didn't stop, no, she pulled even harder on the metal plate, tears streaming down her face again.
She knew they were here, she just knew it and there was no way in hell she was going to give up now.
Not now she was so close to him.
Harley didn't understand.
How could she?
She wasn't the one who was connected to Vinnie, after all.
But Kiwi was.
And she knew, she felt it in every cell of her body that he was here.
So was the rest.
All she had to do was find them.
Before it was too late.

But Harley's attempts to stop her became more compelling and before Kiwi knew it, the female mouse already dragged her away from the plate.
"No…"
She reached out her hands, her bleeding hands, to the metal object as if it was salvation itself.
Perhaps it was.
She knew it was.
"No, let me go, I need to find him…", she pleaded, struggling to get loose, but unfortunately, Harley was strong.
Stronger than her.
And suddenly, the pain was back in its full glory.
The despair.
The agony, that washed over her like a fucking tsunami, dragging her with it to wherever it wanted to bring her.
A place she didn't want to be.
Dark.
Cold
Lonely.
"No…"
"Kiwi, come on, we need to go. It's over. I'm so sorry, but it's over…"
Harley whispered the words in her ear, but they came in twice as loud, making Kiwi's eardrums vibrate.
Goosebumps spread across her body.
'It's over…'

Her blue eyes were fixated on the metal plate, a plate made of, as far as she knew, the only material in the universe that was practically indestructible.
Plutarkian steel.
'It's over…'
No.
It wasn't.
Not if she could help it.
"Harley, let me go. I don't wanna hurt you", she warned the female Martian with a low voice, but as expected, the latter didn't let her go.
In fact, she dragged Kiwi towards the tunnel, all determined to leave this place.
But the human girl wasn't planning on leaving.
Not anymore.
So, she clenched her teeth and without hesitation, she just raised her arm and planted her elbow in Harley's stomach with all her strength, forcing the light-brown-furred mouse to let go.
She bend over as she let out a moan in pain, but Kiwi was already standing next to the plate again, hell-bent on getting it into movement.

Harley shook her head in disbelief.
"Jesus, Kiwi, what's got into you? I know the truth is beyond crushing and therefore hard to accept, but this…"
"I saw it, okay? I saw it in my head", Kiwi cut her off as she turned around to face Harley, who now fell silent, rubbing her sore stomach as confusion chased away the pain.
"What do you mean, you saw it?", she eventually asked, her voice hoarse.
"As I say. I saw it, in my head. I saw… him. I heard him. I felt him. I even smelled him. I know this sounds crazy, but he showed it to me. In my head. He showed me that the wall of that awful room has a plate in it, a plate made of Plutarkian steel. This plate, to be exact", and she pointed at it.
Harley shook her head in confusion as she held up her hand.
"Now just wait a minute. He… showed it to you? How is that even possible?"
"Truth be told, I have no idea. I'm just as stunned as you are. But if I have to guess, I think it has something to do with the connection."

These words made impact, Kiwi could tell by the way the Martian female froze as her blue eyes grew big.
"But that… that would mean… that he…"
"That he's still alive, yes", Kiwi finished the sentence for her, for she had concluded the same thing shortly after he showed up in her head.
"But you said… you said you didn't feel him anymore, you said…"
"I know what I said", Kiwi interrupted her sharply, almost bouncing on her feet in impatience.
Dammit.
They didn't have time for this.
They needed to keep going, but she couldn't do this without Harley's help.
But it was clear that the light-brown-furred mouse was doubting her sanity right now, with good reason.
Kiwi hardly knew for herself if this was real.
But she couldn't just ignore it.
Besides, the fact that they'd found the plate was evidence in her favor.
Perhaps there was still a chance.
Because if there was something in this universe able to protect one against an explosion, it would be something made of Plutarkian steel.
Something like this plate.

"Look, I know you think I've lost my mind, and who knows, maybe I have. But either way, we need to get this thing into motion and fast, otherwise, I will lose him for good. Even though this all makes no sense at all, it feels like there's a chance and I need to grab it with both hands. I can't lose them. They are just as much my family as they are yours. But I most certainly can't lose him, Harley. Without him, I'm incomplete. I need him, more than anything. He's my reason and my life…"
Her voice broke and tears already streamed down her face again as she gave Harley a pleading look.
"Please, help me move this thing. Help me to get him back… I know it's a long shot, but I have to at least try. Please, I'm begging you…"

Kiwi knew perfectly well what she was asking and the pain in Harley's eyes confirmed that. He was her long lost love, after all.
Hearing her saying out loud what he meant to her must be feeling like a knife cutting through her soul.
It must remind her of the time she had with him.
Of her love for him.
Of his love for her.
Because Kiwi knew Vinnie had loved Harley.
Deeply.
And she had loved him.
Deeply.
She still loved him.
And that love was exactly what Kiwi needed right now.
People would do anything for love.
Even if it was unrequited love.
It was still love.
One of the strongest emotions that existed.
It was instinctive.
Ancient.
But unbreakable.
Stronger than anything else in this cruel world.
Stronger than hate.
Or resentment.
Or jealousy.

And indeed, it was.
Because after waiting for what felt like a lifetime, Harley eventually nodded.
"Okay. You win. I'll go get my bike. It's our only chance to get that stupid thing into movement."
She turned around and already walked to the small tunnel when Kiwi finally opened her mouth again.
"Thank you."
The Martian female stopped for a moment and Kiwi stared at her tensed back, knowing she probably needed to feel guilty for taking advantage of the ancient instinct that was called love, but she didn't.
It was like she said.
People would do anything for love.
She was definitely no exception.
Without responding, Harley just disappeared into the tunnel and Kiwi let out her breath.
"I'm coming for you, Vinnie. Just hang on, okay? Hang on…"
He didn't answer.
But she wasn't planning on giving up.
Not now.
Not ever.

…

"Ready?", Kiwi yelled at Harley, who was on the other side of the big wall of debris.
The bike had been too big to fit through the tunnel, but a tow wasn't.
The rope was now attached to the big metal plate with a hook, the other side at the back of Harley's bike.
"Ready! Take a few steps back, Kiwi, if the rope breaks, I don't want it to end in your face. You probably won't live to tell the tale", Harley shouted back and the human girl did what she was told.
The Martian female slowly opened the gas and the rope tightened.
Kiwi's heart pounded in her chest as she kept a close eye on the metal plate, crossing her fingers that this would work.
It had to work.
The engine of the bike roared loudly as Harley opened the gas even further and Kiwi could hear the rear tire skidding, but nothing happened.
"More!", she yelled over the sound of an engine that was already being pushed to its limits, but when Harley did what she said, still nothing happened.
"More!"
"Kiwi, I…"
"MORE!"

Her blue eyes were fixated on the metal plate, and even her not so sensitive hearing could hear the sound of a rope that was close to snapping, but suddenly, the plate moved.
It was only an inch or so, but it moved.
"More, Harley, more!", she yelled almost hysterically with her fists clenched, still staring at the plate with an intensity as if she could lift it by only looking at it.
Smoke now filled the cave that was once a room and the smell of burning rubber tickled her nostrils, but she didn't care.
Because the plate was slowly coming up.
All that was needed now was to get it over its tipping point.
A crackling sound made her look at the rope, only to see that it slowly started to unravel and
she held in her breath…

BAM.

The plate landed on the floor with a loud bang and Kiwi's stomach made about three hundred backflips when she saw what was hidden underneath it.
She stumbled towards them, hardly able to remain on her feet when she saw the blood.
There was a lot of blood.
"Oh my god, guys...", she panted as she dropped next to Throttle, who was lying closest to her. It was immediately clear to her that he was unconscious, or at least, she hoped he was.
As she reached out a trembling hand, her eyes landed on the wound on the right side of his nose, making her feel sick to the stomach, for it was a wound she had never seen before, so deep.
It seemed that his glasses had cut straight through the flesh, exposing the bone of his upper jaw.

As she quickly turned her gaze the other way, she noticed that his left arm was bowed in an unnatural position.
But her hand now made its way through the fur in his neck and she closed her eyes, focussing on nothing else but checking his pulse.
Soon, she felt the familiar pulsating sensation under her fingers and her eyes flew open again, a small part of that agonizing pain gone from the moment she felt his heartbeat.
"Harley, call the base and tell them to send the medical team, now!", she yelled with breaking voice over her shoulder and Harley, who was already halfway the room, immediately turned around again.

Kiwi was already crawling to Modo, who lay close to Throttle.
His face seemed to be unharmed, but his right leg was buried under a big piece of chunk and Kiwi was somehow grateful that he wasn't conscious right now, because the pain must be unbearable.
She quickly checked his pulse too and much to her relief, his heart was still beating as well.
The same applied to Carbine, who lay close to Modo.
She then reached Stoker, who was lying on his belly instead of his back like the rest and it somehow made her wonder why that was.
But she soon forgot that she'd wondered it in the first place, for she saw something that made her heart drop like a rollercoaster, including its screaming passengers.
A glimpse of a white fur under Stoker's left arm.
She quickly crawled closer, ignoring the pain of the small pebbles pricking in her hands and knees as panic closed her throat again.
"Vinnie… Oh my god, Vinnie..."
Her bleeding hand reached out and she suddenly felt his fur under her fingers.
His soft fur.
It was so familiar.
It felt like coming home.
God, please...
Let him be alive.

When she was close enough, she could see how Stoker's body partially covered Vinnie's.
His long hair, that he usually wore in a long ponytail, was dislodged and lay now spread over Vinnie's face, covering it like a blanket.
With her heart pounding in her chest, she slowly reached out and with only using her two index fingers, she stroked the hair away as if she opened a curtain.
And there he was.
Her reason and her life.
Her soulmate.
Her best friend.
Her everything.
And she just broke down by only seeing him, for she had thought she never would, ever again.
Her still bleeding fingers slid through the fur on his face to his neck, but something suddenly stopped her.
What if she felt nothing?
What if she was about to find out that he was dead?
That she had lost him forever?

Harley had told her that it was the insecurity of not knowing whether they were dead or alive that was killing her, but not Kiwi.
She thought it did, but she now realized that even though the insecurity was slowly eating her on the inside, there was still a glimpse of hope hidden beneath it.
Hope that was going to be destroyed if she wasn't going to feel his heartbeat under her fingers.
Because then her worst nightmare would become reality.
Was she ready for that?
Of course, she wasn't.
As silent tears streamed down her face, she looked at him.
And she would give anything to have him looking back at her right now.
To tell her what to do.
But he didn't.
His eyelids were closed, hiding the most beautiful ruby-red eyes she had ever seen.
The mirror to his soul.
If his soul was still there, that is.
It had to be.

His face was as good as unharmed too, thank God.
Well, apart from some small wounds, probably caused by flying debris.
There was a tear in his right ear, though.
And a nasty looking wound at the level of his left temple.
That was probably the reason why he wasn't awake.
But it didn't look life-threatening.
Or maybe she only thought it didn't.
Maybe she was being naive.
Who knew?
All she knew that she was scared.
Scared to find out the truth, even though there was still a chance.
But that was the thing.
There was still a chance.
And where there was a chance, there was hope.
She was beyond scared to crush that hope.
With her hand still resting on Vinnie's cheek, she lowered her gaze.
Stoker's arm was resting on Vinnie's chest, his fingers clawed into the black hoodie, that was now torn and almost grey of dust.
His left leg lay between Vinnie's and his metal tail was still wrapped around Vinnie's right ankle.
And it suddenly hit Kiwi like a train.

Protection
He'd protected Vinnie by jumping on him, using his body to protect Vinnie's.
"Jesus, Stoker…", she breathed as she slowly reached out to him and shortly thereafter, her fingers gently wrapped around the brown-furred wrist.
Closing her eyes, she focussed on feeling anything else but her own racing heart and she did a little prayer, even though she was anything but religious.
Another tear left her eye and slowly rolled down her cheek.
Protection.
He'd protected Vinnie, an action that carried a high price.
And he had paid it.
With his life.
Because she felt nothing under her fingers.
Not even warmth.
He was gone.
Stoker was gone.

Her breathing accelerated as she opened her eyes again, looking at Vinnie's face.
His pretty and oh so familiar face.
Stoker died protecting him.
This sacrifice changed everything.
It was important to know if it hadn't been for nothing.
That he didn't die in vain.
If she wasn't ready to check Vinnie's pulse for herself, she at least had to do it for Stoker.
She owed him that much.
And so, her fingers slid through the white fur to his neck and she held in her breath.
For a moment, she felt nothing and panic already started to cloud her brain again.
The pain, the one that was dormant on the background, waiting to jump on her, came closer again and she suddenly had a hard time breathing.
But then, she felt something and she froze.
Staring at her hand, her brain finally translated the signals which the nerve endings in her fingers were sending up and she realized she felt a pulse.
It was weak, but it was there.
Holy shit.
He was still alive.

The relief she felt was beyond words and she burst into tears again, but this time it weren't tears of pain.
Jesus, he was still here.
She wasn't alone.
Not anymore.
She was complete again.
She looked at Stoker again and gently stroked his hair out of his face with a trembling hand, thereby exposing the left side of his face.
He looked kind of peaceful, actually.
Even his eyes were closed.
As if he was sleeping.
Finally able to rest after a long and turbulent life filled with nothing more but pain, misery and sacrifices.
The life of a hero.
A true hero.
Still sobbing, Kiwi leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you..."

Present…

Kiwi blinked a few times, realizing she was still in Throttle's arms.
That they were still standing on her balcony at the base.
She wasn't back to that day, that awful day, no…
She was still here.
But it felt so real.
It always did.
As if she was there again.
On that day that had changed everything.
"Will he ever come back to me?", she whispered with her nose still buried in his tan-colored fur.
She asked this question almost every day now.
Well, scratch 'almost'.
She asked it every day, sometimes even multiple times.
As if Throttle knew the answer.
He didn't.
He said the same thing he always said.
"He'll come around. Eventually. He just needs time."

They say it takes time.
But no one ever told her how much time.
He was gone for eight months already.
For eight long months, she was alone.
Without him by her side.
How much time did he need?
How long did it take to find the way back to yourself again?
She had no idea.
She wasn't able to be herself.
Not without him.
Without him, there was a part of herself missing.
And God, she just wanted it back.
She wanted him back.

To say that Vinnie suffered from the consequences of that day, that awful day, was what she liked to call an understatement.
They all did, for it was a pitch-black day, but nobody took it as hard as Vinnie.
She wasn't sure what had hit him the most, the fact that Stoker gave up his life to protect him or that moment when he realized that the war was really over.
If she had to guess, it was the latter.
But it didn't matter, actually.
All that mattered was the restlessness that had followed soon after it.
The anxiety, that had turned him into someone she didn't recognize.
The guilt, that had made his usual joyful heart heavy and dark.
Too heavy.
Too dark.

She had never seen him this lost, not even after his sister died.
That was nothing compared to what he was going through now.
That look on his face…
It haunted her in her dreams.
The confusion, the insecurity, the guilt…
He'd lost himself.
Absolutely clueless about who he was now there wasn't a war to fight anymore.
A crisis of identity.
One she hadn't been able to avoid nor solve.
She had tried everything within her power to make him realize that he still had a purpose.
That when old and familiar things came to an end, new things would follow, even though it all seemed so pointless at the moment.
But old things got replaced by new things, end of story.
That was just how it worked and she was absolutely certain that he wasn't an exception.
Because she knew.
She had been there herself, after all.

She had lost her parents in the most cruel way, and the darkness that came after had seemed to be endless as well, by the time.
But then the mice had entered her life.
And slowly, there had been light at the end of the tunnel again.
Slowly, she had been able to find her way back to that light.
But even though she had been through something similar as he was going through now, it didn't convince him of her telling the truth.
Somehow, she was unable to get through to him.
Not really that much of a surprise.
He had always been too stubborn for his own good.
He did try, though.
To listen to her.

But eventually, the restlessness got the better of him.
And as soon as he heard of the special team that was prepared by Carbine to contain the last waves of resistance on Mars, he had made his decision.
Driven by his anxiety, he had left the base.
Leaving her behind with nothing more but a promise.
A promise that he would always love her, no matter what would happen to him.
And that she needed to forget about him.
But how could she?
She would never be able to forget about him.
Never.

The fact that he left wasn't even the worst part.
Deep down, she could understand his motives.
Not to mention that the last time he had been in some sort of crisis, the time away from the base had done him some good.
And he had returned to her.
But this time, it was different.
He hadn't even given her the chance to stop him.
In fact, he had informed her about his departure only minutes before he mounted his bike.
And after giving her that stupid and empty promise, he just drove away.
He just left.
Just like that.
As if the past few years they had spent together meant nothing to him.
As if she meant nothing to him.
Maybe she did, once.
But now… she wasn't so sure anymore.

Throttle still tried to convince her otherwise, though.
He told her almost every day about how much his young bro loved her.
That she was his world and always would be.
And whenever she asked him why he was so sure about that, his answer was always plain and simple.
'I just do.'
The funny thing was that he was right.
He knew Vinnie through and through.
He probably knew him even better than she did.
So she did every within her power to believe him.
To trust him.
To rely on his judgment of the situation.

But it was hard.
There were always these questions that repeated in her head, over and over again.
Questions she wanted to ask him, to demand an answer, but he had denied her that opportunity by leaving without preparing her.
Without consulting her.
If she really meant something to him, then why did he leave her behind like this?
Why wouldn't he let her help him to get through this mess?
Why didn't he see that she was here for him, to help him?
That he wasn't alone?
So many questions.
So few answers.

Although, if she had to be honest, she already knew the answer.
Deep down, she knew.
There was only one answer that explained everything, after all.
As it always did.
It was because he was damaged.
Because he had no idea how to handle his pain.
So he did what he always did.
He fled.
He just ran off without looking back, scared to be overtaken by his own sorrow.
She couldn't even blame him.
This was who he was nowadays, after all.
Who the war had made him.
It wasn't his fault.
It never was.
And it never will be.

She remembered seeing his baby picture, back on Earth.
It felt like a lifetime ago, but the picture was still crystal clear in her head, somehow burned into her memory.
His ruby-red eyes filled with love.
Unconditional love.
So pure.
A bit like Mika.
Unmarked.
And she knew, that was who he really was.
Well, who he supposed to be.
Without all the events that had left their scars, both physically and mentally.

If only he would let it in.
If only he would stop running.
If only he would come back to her.
So they could watch the sunset together.
Because together, they were able to overcome anything.
Together, they were invincible.
If only he had the confidence to give it a chance.
God.
Was she ever going to see him again?

Somewhere at the south-side of Mars…

Unbeknownst to Kiwi, Vinnie was watching the same sunset as she was, only about a 1000 miles away.
The white-furred mouse was sitting on a rock outside camp, staring at the sunset while chewing on a dried blade of grass, his arms nonchalantly leaning on his knees.
Eight months had passed.
Eight long and exhausting months since that moment he had looked Kiwi in the eye and told her that he was going away.
That he was going to leave her.
Again.
The pain he had seen in her eyes followed him ever since, and yet, here he was.
All alone.
Taunted by guilt.
There were so many things he felt guilty about.

It was him who had stormed to the building, that awful day, after all.
Without thinking.
Forcing his bro's and therefore the rest to follow him, because he knew they would.
They always did.
But this time, their loyalty came at a high price.
A price they paid without complaint, but most certainly didn't deserve.
Not after everything they had already been through.
Man, the look on Modo's face when he woke up and realized he'd lost his leg.
That he'd lost another part of his body and that while he was still dealing with the loss of his arm, even though that happened years ago now.
Vinnie knew that the grey-furred mouse was still having a hard time accepting his bionic arm, accepting it as a part of his body, as a part of himself instead of an invention made by one of their biggest enemies.
The legacy of war.
And now there was another part of his body replaced by metal, based on the design of his arm and the pain that was constantly written upon his face was one of the reasons why Vinnie suddenly couldn't look him in the eye anymore.
That pain was his fault.
He was to blame, without questioning.

And then there was Stoker.
Jesus, Stoker.
His mentor, his coach, the person who came closest to a father figure in this fucked up world had given his life to protect him.
Him, who had gotten them into that shit in the first place.
How was that even fair?
And if his loss wasn't already excruciating enough, it was obvious to him that he wasn't the only one affected by it.
Of course, he wasn't.
He had seen the look on Throttle's face when he thought no one was watching.
He was devastated to say the least.
So was Carbine.
The whole base was, actually.
They had lost a hero.
Their hero.
And every time he saw their pain, he knew this was on him.
Their pain was a constant reminder of his failure.
And it was too much to bear.

Of course, Kiwi had tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault.
Because that's who she was.
Forgiving.
Always willing to look at both sides of the story.
She had told him that it wasn't him who had placed that bomb.
That if he had known, he would never have entered that building.
Perhaps that was true, but it didn't soften the heavy pressure on his chest that came with the guilt.
Because either way, it was because of him that they had been in that building when that bomb went off and that was the truth and nothing but the truth.
And all because he simply didn't know how to use that thing that's called a brain.
Stupid.

So yeah, there were a lot of things to feel guilty about.
It seemed that everyone around him had paid a price too high for their abilities.
So, it only seemed fair that he did the same.
To pay the price that came with his latest failure.
Joining this team seemed to be the perfect opportunity to start, even if that meant he needed to leave Kiwi and everyone else he loved behind.
But that was all part of it.
He didn't deserve to be happy.
And even if he knew how, he didn't deserve to live a life in peace.
Not after the things he had done.
Because of Stoker's sacrifice, his fate was now intrinsically linked with that of Mars.
And as long as Mars needed him, he would be there for her.
No matter the costs.
That he owed Stoker.
It was the least he could do in return.
To make sure that he didn't die in vain.

But strangely enough, all that wasn't even the main reason why he was sitting here.
All alone.
Miles away from the ones he loved.
Who he had failed.
No, that was all to blame to that awful feeling of being useless.
It was a feeling he did not know and he had no idea how to deal with it.
But as soon as he realized that the Plutarkians were really gone, it was neither joy nor relief that had prevailed.
No, it had been a certain emptiness that had taken over his entire body and soul.
He suddenly felt so… aimless.
His entire existence had become pointless in only the blink of an eye.
It was this particular feeling that had chased him away from the base as far as possible and as fast as possible.
To join those who had chosen to keep fighting.
Those who had chosen to give up the peace which they so desperately fought for, because they knew that even with the Plutarkians gone, the war wasn't really over.
It was just less… obvious.
The fight continued behind closed doors.

That was simply because, as a result of an almost endless war, the people on Mars were divided.
A thing that was inevitable as much as it was to be expected.
Driven by fear of the unknown, some residents of Mars had chosen to bet their money on the wrong horse, even shortly after the war broke loose, now years ago.
Over time, more had joined them for many different reasons, all truly justified in their eyes.
To Vinnie, they were all the same.
Traitors.
But it had become painfully clear that their loyalty meant nothing to the fish.
Not anymore.
Not now they knew they had lost this war.
And they just left, leaving their allies, who had risked everything for them, behind to face the music because they simply didn't care what would become of them.
To them, they were disposable.
What an unexpected surprise…
Not.

For the majority of the turned people, being left by the Plutarkians to fend for themselves was enough reason to make them realize that they had made a big mistake by placing their trust in the wrong hands.
They had begged for mercy, and the Freedom Fighters had given it to them, simply because they were different than the ones who had left them behind without even blinking.
But even despite all that, Vinnie and his team had soon found out that there were still enough small groups of resistance, groups who were hell-bent on finishing what the Plutarkians had started, namely; the destruction of Mars.
Vinnie was absolutely clueless about what was motivating them to continue this, in his eyes, meaningless fight.
But frankly, he didn't care either.
He only knew that he was grateful.
Grateful for having a purpose again.
For having a daily reminder of who he was.
A fearless soldier.
One of the best.

He had learned the hard way that without that acknowledgment, he was nothing.
He simply couldn't live his life without it.
And no matter how much he yearned to be with Kiwi again, he remained where he was.
Because going back to her meant going back to being confronted with his failure, every single day.
Going back to her meant going back to that horrible feeling of being useless.
Back to that maddening anxiety that transformed him into an absolute wreck.
If only she could understand…

Maybe she would, someday.
He almost prayed that she would.
So she could move on with her life.
So she could forget about him.
Him, the most selfish coward in this entire universe.
The one who didn't have the strength to face the consequences of his own failure.
Who kept hurting the ones he loved.
He just kept letting them down, over and over again.
She didn't deserve that.
She deserved so much better than him.
Everyone deserved so much better than him.
Even his bro's.

Ah man, his bro's.
He truly missed them, almost as much as he missed his girl who wasn't his girl anymore simply because he allowed himself to be the coward he was.
He missed their conversations, their jokes, their flawless cooperation...
Most of all, he missed that feeling of being invincible.
That feeling of knowing they always got his back.
That he was never really alone.
Yeah, well…
Look what that brought them.
Nothing but misery.
Ugh.

Either way, it was all the past now, no matter how much it pained him.
But they were certainly better off without him.
Someday, they would understand that.
And someday, they would forget about him.
Just like he wanted.
To just be erased from their memories.
To fade away.
As if he never even existed.

Oh my god, you guys...
Did you honestly think that I'd kill Vinnie?
Well, truth be told, I kind of wanted you to think that.
So mean.
Hehe.
Sorry.