Hey you guys!

Glad to see that you're all okay.
Thanks for the reviews, once again!
They keep me going in this world where writer blocks rule, that's for sure. :)

Not much to tell, I mean, it's not like that living in an almost complete lockdown is very exciting, hehe.
So, let's just continue with the story.
Enjoy and feel free to leave a review once you're done, always very much appreciated, but no pressure, of course.

Stay safe out there and till next time!

Later dudes!

Chapter 19

"Ouch!", Kiwi squeaked as she wrapped her fingers around Mika's little fist that was now pulling on her black hair with a strength she never thought possible for a baby of his age.
Then again, this was no human baby but a full-blooded Martian Cave Mouse, so how could she possibly know anything about his abilities?
Well, she knew now.
He was as strong as a fully-grown human and tears jumped in her eyes when Modo's son pulled even harder, crowing with excitement.
"Well, I'm glad at least one of us is having fun", the human girl muttered under her breath as she pried the little hand open and relief washed over her when he let go of her hair and grabbed her finger instead.

But that relief soon vanished into thin air when he tried to bend her finger in a way that was simply not possible.
"No, no, no, no, Mika, that is not how fingers are supposed to move…"
Right before she thought he would break it, a light-brown-furred hand grabbed Mika's wrist and after a soft squeeze, the headstrong baby let go of Kiwi's finger, who now quickly did a few steps back to create some distance, somehow scared to be torn apart by this small creature that looked so cute but clearly was a danger to her, being the fragile human she was.

"Mika… be kind to your auntie. She ain't as tough as you are, trouper", Harley told the small Martian boy with a smile on her face and after pushing a rattle made of some kind of indestructible material into his grabby little hands, she looked at Kiwi, her blue eyes twinkling in amusement.
"And you oughta be more careful, Kiwi. Going to the doctor because a baby broke your finger ain't no story you wanna bring back home, not even as a human."
The human girl snorted in response as she sat down on one of the chairs in Amira's lab.
"Ha ha, very funny. How the hell was I supposed to know that Martian babies are like piglets with superpowers? Geez."
"What are piglets?", Harley asked in return as she slightly tilted her head, her big ears twitching.
Kiwi looked up and opened her mouth, but when she saw the way Harley looked at her, she suddenly couldn't find the words anymore, for the resemblance between her and Vinnie was striking all of a sudden and sadness already washed over her again.
She quickly turned her gaze the other way as she stood up and walked over to the window, her arms wrapped around her waist, holding herself tightly.
"Never mind. When is Amira coming back?"

Harley looked at the tensed back of the human girl and heaved a sigh in dismay.
She and Kiwi had become good friends since that awful day and everything that followed and to say that she was worried about her friend was an understatement.
She was just so… lost.
They say that time heals all wounds, but not this one.
It was too deep.
Of course, as time went by, there were small moments of happiness.
Moments when she seemed fine.
But then something happened, something that reminded her of him and wham, the moment was over and she was completely lost again.
It broke Harley's heart every time she witnessed this sudden transformation, but she was completely powerless here.
She had tried everything to help her forget.
But the wound was simply too deep.

That same sense of powerlessness now made her ears droop and she looked at Mika, for he was usually able to cheer her up.
But just not today.
"How the hell should I know? I have no idea how long it takes to plant some stupid flowers", she eventually answered Kiwi's question, way sharper than she intended and she closed her eyes for a moment, cursing herself for being this blunt.
She didn't want to react this way, but that always seemed to happen when she was upset about something.
And she was upset, alright.
Ever since the day he left, she was upset.
He never should've left.
Not like this.

After all, she was confronted with Kiwi's pain almost every day.
She saw what his departure did to the human girl.
How she was trapped in that awful place between hope and resignation.
Hope that he would come back, one day.
That he would return to her.
It was hope that stopped her from moving on.
And she hated him for it.
For trapping her like that.
Even despite her deep-rooted love for him, she hated him.
It was beyond confusing.
But she knew one thing.
She was never going to forgive him for leaving.
Never.

Kiwi's lower lip trembled when she heard Harley's angry tone of voice, but she managed to stop herself from defending Vinnie, which was useless, she had learned that the hard way.
It was a conversation they had numerous times already and it always ended the same.
Anger.
Resentment.
A broken heart…
She didn't blame Harley, though.
For being angry.
She knew that was because the female mouse cared about her.
And she was grateful that she did.
She could use all the friends she had to get through this dark time.
She needed them to keep the darkness, the one that threatened to overwhelm her almost every day, on a safe distance.
To stop herself from doing something stupid.
Like jumping out of this window, for instance…

"You need to forget about him, Kiwi. He ain't worth it. Not anymore."
Kiwi closed her eyes for a moment.
Here we go again…
"You know I can't."
"Then try harder."
Slowly, Kiwi opened her eyes again, her heartbeat already increasing.
"It's not that simple."
"Oh, trust me, it is."
Clenching her fists, Kiwi stared at the outstretched desert, trying very hard to keep her calm.
But it was hard.

Why kept everyone telling her that she needed to forget about him?
Did they not know?
How could she forget about him if she wasn't complete without having him by her side?
No matter what he would do to her, she would never be able to forget him.
And frankly, it made her sick.
She hated herself for it.
For being this… dependent.
No one could hate her more for being this stupid and dependent than she already did.
She didn't need someone else to rub it in her face, over and over again.

God.
He just needed to come back.
To come home.
So she could hold him.
Smell him.
See him
Feel him.
Jesus, what did it take to just live her life without him by her side?
To ignore this maddening and agonizing pain?
She was driving herself crazy, she knew, and yet, she had no idea how to stop it.

Well, there was one thing that could stop it, but that same one thing was the exact reason why she was being this broken and was so far away from her that she didn't even feel him anymore.
The connection was broken.
And whether it was the distance or he himself breaking it because he left her for good this time, the result was the same.
She was devastated.
Beyond that.
Lonely.
Desperate.
Empty.
Vulnerable.
Weak…

Suddenly, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.
"Kiwi... I know how much you love him. You know I do. And I know how hard it is to forget about him. But it's been over a year… You gotta move on, sweetie. If you can't forget about him, then at least try to move on. He has had enough time."
Kiwi's heart skipped a beat when she heard these words, for it were different ones than Harley normally used and she couldn't stop her curiosity from being piqued, even though she simultaneously knew that she didn't want to hear it.
Still, she slowly turned around to face her best friend.
Her best friend who only wanted the best for her, that she knew.
"What are you trying to say here?", she asked with narrowed eyes, her heart pounding in her chest.

Harley heaved a sigh and reached out her hand.
"I don't think he's coming back, Kiwi. Not now. Not ever", she answered straight to the point as she tucked a strand of hair behind Kiwi's ear, thereby exposing the earring that was the only thing left of their connection.
Husband and wife.
Till death do them part…
Right.
Life really was deceiving.

Kiwi swallowed with difficulty as her eyes darted to Mika, who was playing with his rattle, not aware of the pain he was surrounded by, which was a good thing.
Looking at him, she realized that this was actually the first time that someone was being completely honest with her.
That someone had the nerve to say that one thing out loud.
That one thing they all thought but kept to themselves because it was simply too painful to share.
Because saying it out loud would make it real.
Tangible.

But now Harley took the leap of faith.
And it was like a breath of fresh air, to be honest.
Which was crazy.
Because the truth was beyond crushing.
It almost took her breath away and yet, deep down inside, she knew that Harley was right.
Actually, she had always known it but had kept it thoroughly hidden in the back of her mind.
In the deepest reaches of her heart.

Until now.
And now, it was time to face the painful truth.
No more running.
No more hiding.
He was gone.
And he was never coming back.
It was a fact.
She had lost him forever.
Now all she needed to do was move on...
Right.
Since when was life ever this simple?

"I… I just don't know how to move on, Harley… Even if I wanted to, I just… I can't... I'm just so lost without him, it's crazy…", she stammered as tears blurred her vision, her voice trembling as she tried to hold herself together with everything she had in her, for she was sick and tired to be so unstable.
To be the victim.
But it was hard.
It was so goddamn hard.

Harley's brows switched to a position that made her look sadder than ever and she pulled Kiwi in her arms.
"Come here, you stupid human", she mumbled with a voice thick of emotion and for a moment, she just held the human girl tightly, clearly needing the time to grab herself together before she was able to continue.
"I know it's hard, but I'm here to help you. So is Throttle. And Modo. And Amira. Jax. Neo. Flash. Even Carbine. We're all here for you. You're one of us now. We're family. And I wish I had the answer to all this, I wish I could tell you how to move on, but I can't. You need to figure that out by yourself…"

As she listened to Harley's voice, Kiwi suddenly realized something and she slowly untangled herself so she could look the female Freedom Fighter in the eye.
"You've moved on. You did the unthinkable... How? How did you do it?", she asked, her voice hardly more than a whisper in the wind.
But Harley sadly shook her head with hanging ears, tears in her usually bright blue eyes.
"I've never moved on. I mean, look at me", she snorted with a sad smile.
"I'm a wreck. Broken. It's too late for me. But you… you still have a chance. Don't make the same mistake I made, Kiwi. Live. Live your life the fullest. It's too short to waste in regret."
"I want to. Trust me, I do. But I just don't know how…", Kiwi sobbed, deeply affected by Harley's honesty.
This was probably the first time since they met that the Martian female was being this honest, this sincere.
The first time that she opened up, exposing herself in the process and Kiwi was deeply humbled that Harley trusted her enough to share her pain with her.

"You'll figure it out, I just know you do. I've seen your strength. You can do this. You just have to believe in it. To believe in yourself. You're so much more than that girl with him by her side. You don't need him to hold your hand. If only you could see that..."
She then gave Kiwi a sad but soothing smile.
"I mean, look at what you've accomplished already. You've built up a life on a planet which you only knew from TV. You helped us fight a war that wasn't yours. You could've walked away, but you didn't. You fought. You gave everything you had in you and I want you to do it again. I want you to fight, Kiwi…"
"But I couldn't have done it without him… Don't you see? I'm nothing without him!", and the human girl burst into tears, her body shaking in Harley's arms.
This despair, this agonizing despair was killing her.

But Harley wasn't impressed, in fact, this reaction only made her more determined to get through to her friend.
This had gone on long enough.
It was time to push a little harder.
After all, what did she have to lose?
Things were already fucked up.
There was simply nothing that could make it worse.
Nothing.

So, she firmly grabbed Kiwi by the shoulders, who looked back a bit startled by this sudden change in behavior.
"You need to snap out of this, missy. You're dragging yourself down into this black hole and trust me, if you stay there long enough, there won't be a way back out of it. Now listen carefully. You ain't here because of him. You're here because you choose to be here. You and you alone. Mars is your home now, along with everything that comes with it. So you better get used to it, because we ain't going nowhere. We're here, and we will always be here to support you. You're not alone, sweetie, and don't you forget about that…"
After letting go of her shoulders, she gently took Kiwi's face in her hands.
"And I promise you, right here, right now, that one day, you'll be alright. One way or another. But you will be alright. As long as you don't give up. Fight."

Kiwi stared at the light-brown-furred mouse as silent tears still streamed down her face, but the words, these truthful words, already made their way to her brain and it felt like she got slapped in the face.
Maybe Harley was right.
This was her home now.
Her life.
It didn't matter how she got her, or why.
She was here now.
Mars.
All she had to do was find a purpose again.
But was she able to do that without having that obnoxiously loud yet super sweet macho mouse by her side?
Despite this wake-up call, she wasn't sure.
God, it felt as if she had to learn how to walk again.
To walk alone…

No.
She wasn't alone.
Harley had just pointed it out to her.
She had a family.
A family who cared about her.
Who was there for her when she needed them.
Who didn't flee the moment things got tough, the fact if he was to blame disregarded.
He had fled, after all.
He had left her alone.
They didn't.
They were here.
To guard her and to guide her.
And they would always be here.
Always.

A tear slowly rolled down her cheek as she made a decision.
A decision which pained her more than she would ever say out loud.
But after being on this road for over more than a year now, it was time to take the exit.
The time for being this helpless little lamb was over, even though the thought alone of letting him go crushed her at the same time.
But there wasn't really a choice.
One last tear…

She was standing on a crossroad, once again.
Left or right.
Light or darkness.
Life or death.
She had chosen darkness, once.
But not this time.
She wasn't going to make that mistake again.
One should always choose light.
Always.

And so, she looked up again, straight into Harley's blue eyes and she nodded.
It was hardly visible and more than fragile, but it was there.
The first step to recovery.
To a new life.
She was beyond scared.
But they were here.
Her family.
They would always be here.

Life…
It was like a journey.
It came with trial and error.
But one day, the road she walked on would be less bumpy.
Easier to walk.
Less falling.
More climbing.
One day, she would be herself again.
Independent.
Strong.
Happy…
Home.
She was home.

…

Meanwhile, near the city of Brimstone -which was already halfway of being fully reconstructed- Modo's bike skidded to a halt and the grey-furred mouse pulled off his helmet.
Standing on this hill, he had a perfect view over the outstretched desert and he took a moment to take it in.
No matter how many times he'd seen it, it still managed to amaze him every single time.
Throttle stopped next to him with softly shrieking brakes and also removed his helmet before he took a deep breath through the nose.
The air was fresh again.
Devoid of the awful scent of death.
It was the smell of freedom that now prevailed and he somehow couldn't get enough of it.

Modo stretched his back as his gaze wandered to the city on his right.
The proud city of Brimstone.
Cities fell in war.
They always did.
Brimstone had been the last to fall in the war with the Plutarkians.
But cities got rebuilt.
They always did.
And Brimstone would be the first one.

Freedom meant peace.
But it didn't mean that the job was done.
Far from it, actually.
Rebuilding an almost completely ruined planet took a lot of hard work.
Everyone did their part, no exceptions.
Peace created unity.
But even in times of peace, a little break never hurt anyone.

"It's just so quiet… If you exclude the destruction, it's almost like nothing happened…", Modo sighed as he leaned on the handlebars of his precious bike, still taking in his surroundings a bit awed.
"Yeah… Even after a year, I'm still not entirely used to it", Throttle agreed, now lying on his bike as he chewed on a dried blade of grass, gazing at the pinkish sky.
"Me neither. Maybe we never will. I dunno… Maybe it just takes more time."
"Who knows?"
"Guess only the universe does…"
That goddamn universe.

It had been Modo's idea to go out for a ride to clear their troubled minds.
Well, most of all, to clear Throttle's troubled mind, for it had been obvious to him that his tan-furred friend needed some time away from the base, if only for a little while.
Peace was peaceful.
But it didn't take away the horror that came with war.
It didn't erase the things they had seen.
It didn't bring back those who had fallen in the name of Mars.
It was still all there.
It would always be there.
Therefore, Modo didn't have the illusion that a ride was sufficient enough to take it all away, but it at least gave some liberating space.

His one eye wandered from the breathtaking view to his left leg, which looked unnaturally thin in his wide jeans.
Well, perhaps that was because it was unnatural.
They all had lost something that day.
They all suffered from the consequences, all in their own way.
He glanced at his tan-furred bro out of the corner of his eye, who was still staring at the sky, his tail draped over his bike like a lifeless snake.
They all were crippled by Stoker's death.
But no one took it as hard as Throttle.
Not even... you know who.
The bond between these two had been something no one ever really understood.
Modo had never even tried to understand it either, for some things weren't meant to be understood.
Some things were just the way they were, and that's that.

But then Mika was born and it suddenly all made sense.
He immediately understood.
The bond between Throttle and Stoker was just as tight as a bond between a father and son.
As a result of this epiphany, his respect for Throttle had grown even bigger, as far as that goes.
Because the pain the tan-furred mouse felt must be unbearable.
The thought alone of losing Mika…
The pain that followed didn't come even close to the pain he'd felt after losing Rimfire, a thing he never had thought possible.
But he knew now.
His friend and former leader suffered severely.
And yet, he was still going strong.
He was still standing, although burdened, but standing nevertheless.

But then, on top of it all, there was... Vinnie.
Who had left at a time when they all needed each other more than ever.
Modo's eye already flickered red by only thinking about his youngest bro.
By thinking about all the pain he had caused by leaving them behind without even looking back.
Selfish.
He always had been.
Modo just never expected him to be this selfish.
Apparently, you could only know a mouse so much.
He thought he knew Vinnie.
So yeah, maybe he should've seen it coming.
Throttle did.
Perhaps he had been naive...

Either way, it was anger that prevailed when someone only thought so much of pronouncing Vinnie's name.
That was no secret.
What was, was that underneath this anger, thoroughly hidden, there was so much more going on.
So many mixed feelings.
But underneath all that, he was simply heartbroken.
Despite everything, he missed his young bro terribly.
They all did.
His departure had left a great void behind, one that no one could fill.
No one would ever be able to replace him.
No one...

"You think he's ever coming back?", Modo broke the silence as he rubbed away a spot on the otherwise spotless paint of his bike.
A long silence followed, but Modo waited patiently as he inconspicuously kept a close eye on his tan-furred friend, who now slowly got upright and sat down sideways on his bike, his right foot resting on the footrest, the other one on the saddle.
With his elbow resting on his left knee, he eventually looked his bro in the eye.
"No. I don't think he will."
Modo nodded in response, trying very hard to keep his emotions under control.
"I figured as much."

Unfortunately, his heavy voice trembled, giving away his inner battle and Throttle heaved a sigh.
"I'm sorry, big fella. But I can't lie to you. I've promised to always be honest with you. And right now, I don't think he's coming back. But who knows?"
"You do. You know him better than anyone else. You connected with him after Harley disappeared and stayed connected until he met Kiwi…", Modo contradicted, pointing out the obvious.
Throttle ran a hand through his hair and stared into the direction of Brimstone.
"It wasn't until he met Kiwi", he said softly and Modo narrowed his one eye in confusion.
"What do ya mean?"
"My connection with him broke right after he left. Not when he met Kiwi. Stoker…", but the tan-furred mouse suddenly trailed off when he said Stoker's name and Modo gave him the time he needed to grab himself together.
"Stoker once told me that our connection was one similar to that of brothers. That's why we could stay connected even after he connected with Kiwi… Either way, it's gone now. Vinnie is gone. It's time we make peace with it."

His voice gave away the pain that these words caused and Modo grinded his teeth.
"Forget about him, ya mean? Just like he wants us to do? Why on Mars would we give him what he wants? Why don't we go out there and drag his sorry ass back with us, preferably on his tail?"
"Because we can't force him to be here if he doesn't want to be here, Modo. You know how he is. It would never work. Besides, I never said that we need to forget about him. How is that even possible? He's a master in taking 'how to leave an impression' to a whole other level, after all…", he chuckled the last part, for a moment sucked back in time, thinking at all the crazy things their younger bro had done and Modo smiled too, he just couldn't stop himself.
Oh momma, the things he would do to hear that high-pitched laugh again...

But then, they both snapped back to reality and their smile vanished like snow under the sun.
Throttle took off his glasses to rub his eyes.
He was just so tired.
"We just need to find a way to live our lives without him..."
If only life was that simple.
If only they both could just accept the ugly truth that their lives were never going to be the same again.
Not without having that loudmouth around to stir things up.
But that was hard.
Almost impossible.
They were simply incomplete without him.
But he had made his choice.
And now they needed to do the same.
If only it didn't hurt so much...

Modo looked at his bro with growing worry, not knowing how to make things better for him.
For all of them.
Without really realizing it, his bionic hand slid into one of his saddlebags, the metal fingers slowly enclosed the file that was carefully hidden in the leather bag.
Maybe the time had come to tell Throttle about what he had found out…
"Bro, I'm sorry, it's just… I'm sorry", Throttle broke him out his thoughts, probably taking his silence as a bad sign after what he said and Modo pulled back his hand as if got bitten by a Martian Squirrel Bat, somehow startled by this sudden intervention.

When he looked at his left, Throttle was still sitting sideways on his bike, but a bit more tensed with a worried look on his face, as if he was scared that the grey-furred giant was angry with him for being honest.
But Modo wasn't.
How could he be angry?
He only appreciated the fact that the tan-furred mouse didn't lie to him.
It wasn't his fault that the truth was just as painful as a knife cutting through your soul.
None of this was his fault.
And yet, he was carrying all the sorrow of the world on his shoulders.
Life just wasn't fair.
But no one ever said it was.

"Modo? You okay, bro?", Throttle now asked a bit hesitant when his older bro still didn't respond.
Heaving a sigh, Modo reached in his bag again and pulled out the file.
It wasn't more than three pages, but Modo held it tightly as if it was the bible itself.
Throttle said nothing, clearly a bit confused by all this, but still, he didn't even ask what it was that he was holding as if his life depended on it.
No, he just looked at his older bro, waiting for him to begin his explanation, calm as ever and Modo suddenly got cold feet, for he knew better.
His tan-furred bro was far from calm.

There was a tornado of emotions whirling inside of him, but during his life, he had perfected his poker face down to the last detail.
Therefore, his face was as blank as a page in his diary.
If he even had a diary, of course.
Which he hadn't.
Of course.
But in for a penny, in for a pound.
There was no going back now.
"I came across this file when I was at work, well, Rose gave it to me, actually and… well, maybe ya need to see it for yourself…", and he reached out the file with a trembling hand.

Frowning, Throttle leaned forward, resting his weight on the foot that was still on the footrest of his bike and took it from him, his hand as steady as it always was.
Modo studied his tan-furred bro as he read the file, but as mentioned before, his poker face was simply perfect and gave absolutely nothing away.
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Throttle looked up, his face still blank.
"Are you sure about this?", he asked, but his voice was huskier than usual, the first sign that the contents of the file affected him deeply, just like Modo had expected and a nagging feeling of regret gnawed on his insides.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
But he answered the question honestly, because they were bro's.
Family.
And family didn't lie to each other.
"Positive, bro. I checked the details myself. There's no mistake."

The tan-furred mouse nodded as he carefully closed the file, for a moment completely preoccupied with this simple act and Modo shifted his weight as he became more and more uncomfortable.
He had no idea what was going on inside Throttle's head right now and he suddenly was convinced he'd made a big mistake by showing this file to him.
But it was too late now.
The damage had already been done.
He couldn't just erase this moment and move on.
If only...
His friend and former leader was still staring at the now closed file when he finally opened his mouth again.
"How long have you known this?"
The grey-furred giant shrugged a bit evasive.
"About two weeks now, I guess…"

Again, Throttle nodded, but he then slightly tilted his head as he looked up and Modo already knew what was coming before he even opened his mouth.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
It was a good question.
A fair one, too.
One that, again, deserved an honest answer.
"I was scared it would hurt you too much. I didn't wanna dredge up the past, that same past that makes ya suffer in a way I can hardly bear to witness… I guess it was my way of protecting ya… But now, I'm suddenly not that sure anymore. Ya know, to keep it from you… I dunno, man, I don't know what's wrong or right anymore. I just thought you deserved to know about this…", he tried to explain his intentions, but he trailed off when Throttle gave him a warm smile.
"I really appreciate your concern, big fella, but this…-", and he held up the file.
"This is exactly what we need. Come on, let's head back to the base. Kiwi needs to see this."
And after carefully putting the file under his black leather jacket, he put on his helmet and hit the accelerator.

Modo looked after him, for a moment too stunned to get his body into movement.
But then, a smile appeared on his face as relief washed over him and he too put on his helmet.
"Guess my old grey-furred momma was right all along, huh Lil' Darling? Honesty really is the best policy."
His bike beeped back in agreement and after one last glance at Brimstone, Modo followed his tan-furred bro back to the base.

…

Kiwi was hanging listless in her chair, playing with a pen, her thoughts miles away when someone suddenly knocked on the door of Amira's lab and she looked up, only to see Throttle and Modo walking inside.
"Oh, hey guys… How was your ride?", she asked as she now leaned back in her chair to stretch her sore back after sitting in one position too long, her hands behind her head and trying very hard not to look at Modo's small limp, for it reminded her too much of things she so didn't want to think about.
Not anymore.
Well, not twenty-four seven.
At the very least, goddammit.
But preferably never.

"It was great, Kiwi-girl. Exactly what we needed", Modo answered as he looked around him, clearly searching for something.
Or someone.
"Harley is putting Mika to bed as we speak and Amira is still out with Shaylon to plant that flower with that name I can't pronounce, no matter how hard I try", Kiwi clued him in, suppressing a yawn and the grey-furred mouse nodded in response as he took place on the chair at the other side of the table.
Throttle sat down next to him and they both looked at Kiwi in a way that immediately increased her suspicions.

Slowly, she leaned forward, looking from one to another with narrowed eyes.
"I know those faces... What happened this time? The bikes, or rather Mars, still in one piece?"
Modo was about to answer something along the lines of; 'Hey, we ain't as crude as Vinnie', but he stopped himself right on time and coughed a bit uncomfortable to cover it up.
Kiwi studied him for a while with a frown on her face, but then Throttle distracted her by reaching into his jacket and she saw him pull something out that looked a lot like a file.
He put it on the table and pushed it towards her with only using his index finger.
"Modo just gave this to me. I think you need to see it."

Kiwi looked confused at the file, not understanding why Throttle wanted her to see something from which she now knew came from Modo's work.
His work, that was his whole life now.
Soon after the Plutarkians were gone, Modo had told them he wanted to do something good, something that would make a difference.
Something he always wanted to do, but never could because of the war.
To work with children.
His biggest dream ever since he was old enough to take care of those who were young, innocent and defenseless.
Ironically, it had been the same war that initially prevented him from following his heart that had given him a once in a lifetime opportunity, one he had taken with both hands and tail.

"There are so many children out there, children who are born in hell. Children who only know pain and misery", he had told her when she had asked him about his plans.
"The way I see it, they are the living reminders of all the good we have failed to. That's why I know, why we all know, deep in our hearts, that it are our children too. We owe them fathers, mothers, a family… We owe them the loving home they never knew. Someone has to stand up for them. For a chance to live."
And so it happened.
Modo had stood up.
And as it turned out, Rose had shared his vision more than anyone else on this base and had been hell-bent on helping him to achieve the impossible, namely; find every orphan or child in need on this planet and give them a place to call home.
Of course, Modo had welcomed her with open arms and they were a team ever since.
Kiwi had nothing to do with this, nothing more than encouraging her grey-furred friend to follow his heart.
So why was this file so important for her to see?
Well, only one way to find out.

After a last glance at both male mice, who looked back with a blank face, she licked the tip of her index finger and opened the file.
As her eyes flew over the lines, her heartbeat increased with every word she read.
Once she was done, her heart almost exploded out of her chest and she closed the file with trembling hands.
Tears already blurred her vision again, her determination to forget about him already vanished like smoke in the wind again.
This changed everything.
Everything.
She stared at her shaking hands, for a moment too shocked to say anything, when she suddenly felt a warm hand on hers.
A tan-furred hand.

She looked up, straight into Throttle's face and she saw the same hope that she felt.
The same hope that now spread through her body as fast as lighting once seeing that she wasn't the only one who concluded that this was like the so-called plot twist one only expected to see in a movie.
Certainly not in real life.
But it was there.
The seed had been planted again.
And as it rapidly expanded, she suddenly felt the strength she had missed so much.
The strength that had brought her here, on Mars.
The strength that had once defined her.
But there was still that tiny amount of doubt.
She had to know for sure.
Only then would she allow herself to believe.
To transform a faint chance into real hope.

So, she took a deep breath as she wiped away her tears before she looked up at Modo.
"So, if I understand this correctly, you know where she is. Am I right?", she asked, her voice as steady as a rock now.
She had a plan again.
And damn, it felt good.
Modo glanced at Throttle for a moment, who nodded in return, before he looked back at Kiwi.
"That's right."
"I wanna see her."
"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean…", but Kiwi cut him off from the moment she heard the pity in his voice.
She hated pity.

She did understand why it was there though.
He was scared that all this would make things worse.
That it would break her.
But he didn't understand that she already was.
Broken.
And something that's already broken, could simply not break again.
So how could this possibly make things worse?
Nothing could.
At this point, it could only make it better.

"I wasn't asking, Modo. I wanna see her. Now."
Again, Modo gave Throttle an unsettled look and Kiwi was about to lose her patience when the grey-furred giant heaved a sigh in defeat.
"Okay. If that's what you want. But we're coming with ya. This ain't something you do on your own."
"Fine by me!", Kiwi called back, already halfway the room, feeling more alive than she had felt this entire year, but when she looked over her shoulder, she saw that the two male mice were still sitting at the table.
Rolling her eyes, she turned around and clapped her hands.
"Hello?! Why are you still sitting there? Take action, Freedom Fighters! It's time for us to rock and ride!"

And she almost ran out of the room, soon followed by Throttle and Modo, who, despite the situation and their worries, couldn't stop themselves from being impressed with Kiwi's spirit.
They could only hope that she wouldn't be disappointed again, for they both weren't sure how many blows the human girl was able to take before she would pass that horrible point of no return.
To be consumed by the darkness that was a part of her, whether she liked it or not.
Time would tell.
And time only.