Hey you guys...

Thank you so much for the reviews and your continued support.
Glad to hear that you like Zevvi.
She's just too cute, huh?
Palacegirl: thanks for the tip, I looked up the song after I finished this chapter and it was kind of crazy how many similarities it has with this chapter.
The song, indeed, pictures perfectly what Kiwi is going through right now.

Come to think of it, music is such a big and important part of my writing process.
There are a lot of songs out there that I use as inspiration for all of my stories.
But the one that stands out the most in this story is, without a doubt, The Phantom of the Opera.
I listen to that music ever since I was a kid and boy oh boy, I still love it.
It just never gets tiring.

Last Saturday, I've watched the performance of the Phantom in the Royal Albert Hall that was temporarily offered for free on Youtube and it suddenly reminded me of how this music has inspired me in the creation of Kiwi's and Vinnie's relationship.
Music makes me feel and this particular music makes it possible for me to feel their love and pain at the same time.
So, I guess it's no surprise that I, once again, used some lyrics of the Phantom in this chapter, hehe.
I don't own these words, unfortunately.

Anyhoo, enjoy this chapter and feel free to leave a review once you're done.
Always very much appreciated, but that ain't no secret.
And remember, no pressure.
Till next time, my loyal readers!

Later!

Chapter 21

Meanwhile, about 1500 miles away from the Freedom Fighter base, a black-furred mouse around the age of 40 stepped out of his tent, scratching his side and looking around him until he found what he was looking for.
After rolling up his sleeves and straightening his back, he marched towards the mouse who he needed right now.
Or maybe even better said; who Carbine needed.
He had no idea why she wanted to talk to the white-furred rascal, but asking questions wasn't his job.
Obeying orders was.
And so he did.

Vinnie was completely unaware of what was hanging above his head as he sat by the fire, cleaning one of his beloved ray guns.
They had made camp in the Red Mountains of Mars two weeks ago, but he still wasn't used to the low temperature.
Even with the sun shining down on him with full force, it was cold.
Very cold.
Windy, too.
But the fire was warm and comforting, making his body able to relax.
A moment he enjoyed to the fullest, for it was a rare thing.
Especially these days.

But that all changed when he felt a heavy hand landing on his shoulder, completely out of nowhere.
It startled him more than he showed, but he still looked up a bit annoyed, straight into Denver's twinkling brown eyes and he wrinkled his nose.
It wasn't because he didn't like the black-furred mouse, because he did, but the guy was just always so happy.
Kind of like that stupid penguin from that Earth movie that was dancing all the time with his goddamned happy little feet.
In the relatively short time that they knew each other, Vinnie had learned that nothing was able to bring the older mouse down and it annoyed him, from time to time.

Perhaps that was because he used to play that role, once.
Well, not the role of a dancing penguin, God no, that would be so uncool.
What he meant was that he used to be the happy note of the group, which he now, clearly, wasn't.
Not anymore.
All he felt was anger, guilt and a broken heart.
He hardly knew what happiness was anymore.
But that wasn't Denver's fault.
It wasn't fair to blame him for his own mistakes.
He was a good guy, after all.
A good leader.
Not as good as Throttle, maybe, but still.
He came close enough.
"Just the mouse I need. Come on, Carbine wants to talk to you", Denver told him, revealing his white and sparkling teeth as he gave Vinnie one of his big grins which he was known for, not bothered by the white-furred mouse's clearly visible irritation.

Vinnie's heart skipped a beat by hearing Carbine's name, but he didn't stand up.
He didn't even blink.
No, he just focussed his attention back on his gun.
He wasn't sure why Carbine wanted to talk to him all of a sudden, but he was for about a hundred percent sure that he didn't want to talk to her.
It would be two-hundred percent if that was possible.
Heck, probably even a thousand percent.
A total no go.

Carbine belonged to a part of his life that was over.
Oh, it was over, alright.
It was over from the moment he stepped on his bike and drove away without looking back.
The fact that this team, which was his loophole at the same time and therefore his salvation, was standing under her command didn't change that.
He never spoke to her.
He just followed up orders.
Orders coming from Denver, and not from Carbine, even though he knew that Denver, in his turn, followed up orders coming from the light-grey-furred General.
Still, in his humble opinion, it was different.

Carbine.
Looking at the facts, her leading this team from the very same Freedom Fighter base where he once lived in relatively happiness was the last remaining link to his old life.
One he couldn't remove.
Because if he could, he would've done it.
Without blinking.
But he couldn't.
So he just locked it away in the back of his mind, along with all the shit that belonged to that part of his life.

But now, that particular link wanted to talk to him.
She was banging on the door which he so frantically tried to keep closed.
She wanted to drag him back to the pain.
To the failure.
To remind him of his broken heart.
His incurable broken heart.
Kiwi…
No.
He couldn't talk to Carbine.
He couldn't let her rip open these wounds that weren't even closed in the first place.
He had left with a reason.
Why didn't she just leave him alone?

"Well, I don't wanna talk to her", he snapped at Denver once he realized that his supervisor was still waiting for him to respond.
His voice was low, almost raw as he tried to calm down the storm that was already whirling inside of him from the moment his leader said Carbine's name.
The fact that hearing her name caused this severe reaction was both crazy and out of context considering they had never been friends.
Ha.
Not even close.
More like mortal enemies.
Well, all the more reason to just stay here, sitting by the fire and cleaning his gun.

But Denver didn't walk away like Vinnie had hoped he would.
Well, he couldn't say that it surprised him.
Next to happy, the guy was beyond persistent.
A good quality for a leader, yes, but infuriating for mice like him.
Mice who tended to dig in their heels every once in a while, for they were far more stubborn than was healthy for them.
"I wasn't asking, kiddo. It sounded important. So, you're gonna get up, walk into that tent and talk to her."
With his eyes still fixated on the gun, Vinnie opened his mouth to tell him, friendly of course, that there was no way in hell that he was going to get up, walk into that fucking tent and talk to queen of all bitches, but unfortunately, Denver was quicker.
"And that's an order."

The white-furred mouse grinded his teeth in annoyance and his left ear twitched, an all too familiar sign that he was closer to losing his shit than he liked to admit.
But he still didn't stand up.
He just kept his focus on cleaning his gun, even though this action caused another pang of guilt, for he knew Denver didn't deserve a treatment like this.
This arrogant and cold treatment.
But no ever said he wasn't.
Arrogant.
Cold.
Dead inside.

But Denver didn't give up that easily.
Of course, he didn't.
He was a leader, after all.
And a very persistent one, indeed.
As he slightly bend through the knees, he leaned forward and Vinnie could feel his warm breath in his ear.
There was something slightly disturbing hidden inside the feeling.
Frankly, it made him sick and his fur bristled.
But he had enough sense to suppress the sudden and quite convincing urge to give the black-furred mouse a headbutt, knowing that would only make things worse.
Still.
It was tempting, alright.

It became even more tempting when he heard the words that Denver now whispered in his ear.
"You know what happens if you don't follow my orders. I will have to replace you. That means you'll be sent back to the base before you can even spell 'yes, sir'."
Vinnie stiffened, he just couldn't stop it, even though he did everything within his power to sit here as nonchalant as possible.
As if he didn't have a single care in the world.
But the sad truth was that he had enough worries for an entire army.
And the fear of being sent back to the base was one of the many that kept him awake at night.

Denver knew.
Of course, he did.
He was leading this bunch of misfits, including this stubborn specimen, for over more than a year now.
He knew that the white-furred mouse was troubled.
That him being here was nothing more but a flee.
A flee from his pain.
It was practically written upon the young mouse's face, day in, day out.
He'd never used it against him before, though.
But you know what they say.
There's a first time for everything.

But despite the war, the heart of the black-furred leader wasn't desensitized.
Quite the opposite, actually.
Some would say that he cared a bit too much.
That as a leader, he should rather be feared than 'loved'.
He didn't agree with that theory.
And he refused to play the bad guy.
It was respect that made every soldier in this team listen to him without blinking.
Mutual respect.
But of course, sometimes one of them needed a little encouragement.
Like this white-furred adrenaline junkie over here, for instance.
Just like Carbine had told him.
Smart girl.

After heaving a sigh, Denver patted Vinnie on the back before he got back upright again.
"Look, kid, I know you don't want that to happen. And truth be told, the same goes for me. You're a good soldier and an asset to this team. We need you here. But if you don't get off your lazy ass right now and go talk to the General, my hands will be tied, savvy? So do us both, and the rest of the team for that matter, a favor, will ya?"
His voice was calm.
There was no anger.
No judgment.
But the message was very, very clear.

Vinnie still stared at his gun and felt a nasty headache coming up as soon as he realized that he didn't have a choice.
Not really.
Perhaps some would say that there was always a choice.
But in Vinnie's case, there wasn't.
He couldn't go back to the base.
It was as simple as that.
Even though leaving Kiwi behind had taken away all the color in his life, even though he was beyond heartbroken and lost without her, he couldn't go back.
Not even while he was yearning for having her back in his arms again, so, so badly.
To feel her.
To look into her blue eyes and see her looking back...
Stop.

Being sent back to the base meant being sent back to all the shit he'd left behind for a reason.
Because it also meant going back to being useless again.
And the painful truth was that not even Kiwi was able to fix that.
There was just no way.
No.
Fucking.
Way.
There was simply too much pain.
Too much misery.
No purpose.
And so, he let out his breath and slowly rose on his feet, his eyes still fixated on the gun in his hand.
"Okay. Fine."

…

Kiwi was still staring at the radio, her breathing shallow.
Seconds ticked by and nothing happened.
Her whole body was cramped, so cramped that it almost hurt.
Well, it did hurt, actually.
"Kiwi, try to breathe", Throttle said softly as he gently squeezed her hand, knowing the girl was on her way to a major anxiety attack.
He couldn't blame her, though.
Even he was nervous.
He didn't get nervous that easily.
But after seeing Kiwi's look once she was done reading that file, he knew.
This was her hope of getting him back.
And if he had to be honest, he shared that same hope with her.

But what would happen to her if that hope got crushed, one way or another?
He had no idea, but he did know one thing and that was that he wasn't going to like the answer.
"I'm trying, but… Jesus, Throttle, what if… what if he doesn't wanna talk? What if he's not even giving us so much of a chance to tell him about her?", Kiwi breathed, holding his hand so tightly that his fingers protested in pain.
But he didn't pull back.
He would never pull back.
She finally made her gaze lose from the radio and she looked at him, her blue eyes wide open.
"What if I hear his voice and I just… What will happen to me when I hear his voice?"
The panic that was written upon her pale face hit Throttle straight in the heart.

Goddammit.
If only Vinnie knew what he had caused by leaving her.
What crazy domino effect he had set in motion, trapping the human girl in this downward spiral of hopelessness in the process.
Trapping her in this golden cage that was called unconditional love.
Golden or not, it was still a cage.
And she wasn't ready to be on her own.
To just spread her wings and fly away.
She probably would never be ready.
She needed Vinnie, so badly.
And Throttle had thought that Vinnie of all mice would understand that.

He knew like no other that they needed each other more than anything as the two broken souls they were.
That they could only be whole by being together.
But he still left.
Leaving Kiwi behind like a wounded little bird.
A flightless bird…
He wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to forgive his young bro for leaving.
For taking away her wings.
For breaking her like this.
She was beyond inconsolable, her pain devastating, crushing everything on its path.

It was slowly destroying her, he now realized as he looked at her.
He had thought that time would heal her wounds.
Like everyone said it would.
That it would give her back her wings.
But it didn't.
It only made her wounds deeper and deeper.
Every second that ticked by without having him by her side took away a tiny piece of her soul.
Until there would be nothing left.
And it broke his heart.
He missed his young bro terribly.
And it would always be his bro.
His family.
But this…
This was unforgivable.

He realized that she was still looking at him, waiting for him to answer and he quickly laid his other hand on their already entwined fingers, giving her a soothing smile.
"I don't know what's gonna happen. But I'm here. So is Modo…"
"And so am I", Carbine added and Throttle looked up a bit surprised.
What surprised him even more was that his tough and spunky General had tears in her eyes as she looked at Kiwi a bit helpless.
They had never been very good friends, but seeing the human female like this was clearly a matter close to her heart.
It warmed his heart in turn, actually.
She was slowly turning back into the mouse he once fell in love with and he was beyond grateful that she did.
Seeing Kiwi this lost reminded him of how much he loved his Carbine.
How lucky he was to still have her around.
Love…
It's elusive.

"Oh, guys…", Kiwi sighed as she looked around the small group with gratitude before her gaze landed on the still silent radio again.
"He's not coming, now is he?", she whispered with a fragile voice.
"I'm sure he does. He just… needs some time, maybe…", Modo opened his mouth for the first time, but he soon realized how stupid this comment was.
The white-furred mouse was already gone for over more than a year.
The fact that he was still out there after all this time made one thing very clear.
The last thing he needed, was time.

Throttle was right.
He had already made his choice.
He wasn't planning on coming back.
Never.
Kiwi seemed to realize that too, because she sank back into her chair as she closed her eyes in defeat and Modo felt a pang of guilt.
"I'm sorry, Kiwi ma'am, I wasn't thinking…", he started, but Kiwi held up her hand to stop him, her eyes still closed.
"It's okay, big fella. I know you mean well. It's not your fault."
Her voice was flat.
Empty.

God.
What on Mars was she thinking anyway?
As if he would run to the radio the moment they reached out to him.
Gosh, she could be so naive sometimes.
Even now, after all the pain and misery, she was still so goddamn naive.
He was gone.
And he was never coming back.

Anywhere you go, let me go too...

She slowly leaned forward and put her arms on the table.
After a deep inhale, she laid her head on her arms and let out her breath.

Share each day with me...
Each night, each morning…

A tear escaped through her lashes.
Game over.
She was done.
Done fighting.
What was the point?
Without him, there was no point.
She was simply done.

Love me...
That's all I ask of you...

But then, she suddenly heard a soft click coming out of the speaker from the radio that was standing close to her head and she opened her eyes.
The sound of static followed soon after the click and she slowly raised her head, her blue eyes now wide open.
Could it be…?
Her grip around Throttle's hand tightened again and she held in her breath…

"Vinnie here."

And just like that, the impossible became possible.
It was as if she got struck by lightning the moment she heard his voice and Kiwi put a hand over her mouth.
Oh god.
It was him.
It was really him.
That was his voice.
His voice that she had missed so much.
She now realized that she had almost forgotten what it sounded like.
But hearing it immediately made her remember.
His beautiful voice.
Raw.
Low.

How could she forget?
That low voice that meant so much.
That caused a tingle in her belly each time she heard it.
That was able to calm her down, no matter how riled up she was.
Well, except for today, that is.
Today, hearing his voice almost gave her a heart attack.
Jesus, this was crazy.
She had never thought that she would hear his voice again.
But it was there.
He was there.

Carbine broke her out of her trance by leaning across the table with an outstretched hand.
The hand that was holding the microphone of the radio, to be specific.
Kiwi looked at her, her eyes still wide open in shock after hearing his voice, but the light-grey-furred female gave her an encouraging smile.
The friendliest smile she had ever given her.
She was beautiful, Kiwi now realized.
What a stupid moment for a stupid realization...
"Take it, Kiwi. Talk to him. Tell him what you wanna tell him. He's there and he's listening."
The human girl now looked at Throttle, her lower lip trembling.
"He really is, right? He really is there…", she whispered, somehow needing to hear it from him.
To hear him say, with that husky and calm voice of his, that this was real.
That everything was going to be okay.

The tan-furred mouse reached out and took the microphone out of Carbine's hand.
Then, he gently pushed it in Kiwi's trembling hand and carefully folded her fingers around it.
"It's him, Kiwi. It's okay. We're here as well, remember? Everything will be okay, one way or another. But he's really there, babe."
A soothing calm washed over her while listening to his voice.
As usual, when the world stopped spinning, there was Throttle.
Calm as ever.
Her pilar.
Her rock.
Kiwi nodded at him with gratitude and slowly turned her head towards the microphone in her hand.
Not alone.
With a still trembling hand, she brought the device to her mouth and after taking a deep breath, she pushed the small button.

…

Vinnie sat on Denver's chair, using the thumb of the hand that held the radio to scratch the left side of his face with his eyes closed as he waited for Carbine to respond.
But damn, she took her time.
It made him anxious, which in turn made him even more anxious, for this feeling was way too familiar.
This restlessness.
The very same restlessness that had chased him away from the base as fast as possible.
Oh, how much he hated it.
To be so fucked up as he was.

Next to that, he'd always been a bit too impatient for his own good.
"What's taking her so long?", he mumbled, tapping his foot on the ground like a hyped-up tap dancer -or perhaps like that stupid penguin again-, much to Denver's annoyance.
"Dude, chill. I haven't seen you this riled up since that rat managed to knock you off your bike and tried to steal it."
Vinnie frowned with his eyes still closed.
"Thanks for the reminder, mate. Really, just what I needed right now."

He did stop tapping his foot though.
But at the same time, his right hand started and soon, his fingers drummed on the stone table at a rate which Van Halen himself would be jealous of.
But right before he thought he couldn't take it anymore, the radio came back to life.
And oh boy, what came out of the speaker wasn't what he expected at all.
Not even close.

"...V-Vinnie…?"

His eyes flew open and he almost fell out of the chair as the radio flew out of his hand, his heart fluttering in his chest like a butterfly that took its first flight.
Denver sat up straight by seeing his reaction, clearly surprised by it and he watched the young mouse struggling to catch the microphone again before it would slam against the table.
When he finally succeeded, Vinnie just stared at it for a moment, breathing heavily.
Denver rubbed his chin as he studied the white-furred mouse, somehow worried by this severe reaction, for he had never seen him this anxious.
He knew the kid had problems.
He just didn't know how big.
But judging by his reaction, they were big.
Very big.

"You okay, kiddo?"
Vinnie slowly looked up and locked eyes with the black-furred mouse, his left ear twitching.
"That's… that's not Carbine…", he managed to squeeze out, holding the radio with so much strength that Denver was surprised it wasn't broken already.
"Obviously."
"You… you said it was Carbine who wanted to talk to me. Not…", but he couldn't say her name out loud and so, he just fell silent again, his body trembling.

"Who is she?", Denver asked as he leaned back in his chair, still keeping a close eye on the white-furred mouse in front of him.
The same white-furred mouse just stared at him for a little while, wondering if the guy perhaps had been living under a rock for the past few years.
But he then realized that Denver had been stationed on another base back in the days of war and since Vinnie hadn't told him either, the black-furred mouse had never heard the story about this brave human girl who had left her planet behind to live on Mars.
To help fight a war that wasn't hers, even though it had become hers soon enough.
Kiwi…

All I want is freedom...
A world with no more night...

The thought alone that it was her on the other side of that radio made him jump on his feet with the speed of light, already overwhelmed by the urge to run away as fast as he could and he let the radio go as if it was on fire.
It now dangled on its cord over the edge of the table, ticking against the table leg in the same rhythm as his heart pounded in his chest.
The only difference was that the ticking of the radio slowly became calmer as time went by and his heart…
Well, his heart almost gave out.
"It doesn't matter who she is, all that matters is that I don't wanna talk to her, I just can't, it's too much, the pain in her voice is too much to bear, I just can't… I can't do this", he babbled as he slowly walked backward with his hands in front of his body.
His shaking body.
Goddammit.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime...
Say the word and I will follow you...

He couldn't talk to her.
It would trigger too much.
But before he could rush out of the tent, Denver blocked his way.
"Look, I don't know what is going on here and why you're so upset, but I'm afraid I have to tell you to sit down again and talk. Carbine insisted that you would talk and I don't care who it is you're talking to, as long as you talk, savvy? I'll give you some privacy, but you won't leave this tent before you've talked to whoever it is on the other side of that radio. And don't even think about tricking me, because I know if you do", he warned him before he left the tent, giving Vinnie no chance to protest.

As the flap closed behind him, Vinnie just stood there, staring at the still softly moving entrance of the tent, his fists clenched with so much strength that his nails cut in his hand, straight through his black fingerless gloves.

Love me…
That's all I ask of you...

All of a sudden, his anger fired like a missile and he snatched the stone mug that was on the table and threw it on the ground with all his strength.
"Fuck!"
The mug shattered into a thousand pieces with a somehow satisfying bang, but it didn't make him feel any better.
No, perhaps even worse, as far as that goes, for it reminded him of his broken heart.
How it was shattered into a million pieces when he drove away from the base.
Away from her…

You alone can make my song take flight...

Kiwi...
The anger vanished as quickly as it came and he slowly sunk back into the chair.
Every cell in his body practically screamed to get the hell out of here, to tell Denver he could go fuck himself before running off as fast as his bike would let him.
But the thing was, if he would give in to this urge, he would lose his place in this team.
This team, that was the only thing that kept him going right now.
That kept him sane.

It was his only chance to pay his debt to Stoker.
His only chance to feel useful.
His only chance to deal with the tremendous amount of guilt he carried with him everywhere he went ever since that fucked up day in the Plutarkian HQ.
It was his only chance to exist.
He couldn't just throw it away, even though it was very tempting at this very moment.

But if he did, there would be nothing left.
And when there was nothing left, the darkness inside of him would consume him.
And no one, not even Kiwi, would be able to save him then.
The thought alone terrified him.
To just vanish into nothingness.
So what choice did he have, huh?
None.
With a trembling hand, he grabbed the radio again and brought it to his mouth.
"Spill it."

…

Kiwi swallowed with difficulty when she heard the offensive tone in his voice.
She knew him well enough to know that he was far from amused.
Probably angry too, for her not respecting his desperate wish to be left alone.
Still, instead of running off as he always did, he was there.
Talking to her.
Perhaps she'd underestimated this Denver guy.
Because she knew, deep down, that he could be the only reason why Vinnie was still there.
Judging by the tone of his voice, he didn't actually want to talk to her.
And it hurt.
It hurt like hell.
But either way, he was there.
Closer than he'd ever been for the entire year.

As a tear rolled down her cheek, she pushed the small button again.
"We uh… We've found something, something you might wanna know about… Well, I think you should know, that's why I'm calling you, or well, why Carbine called you, but she did that because I asked her, but it's important and I know you don't wanna talk to me, you made that very clear when you left, but you need to hear this…"
Jesus, she was babbling like some kind of idiot and her cheeks turned red as she trailed off again, cursing herself for being this nervous.
Come on.

This was Vinnie she was talking to.
The love of her life.
Her soulmate.
The one and only person who made her feel safe.
Well, he used to.
Still, this was the mouse with whom she once had shared her life, with everything that came with it.
He had seen her on her worst moments and visa versa.
There was nothing to be nervous about.
This was ridiculous.
Beyond that.

You were once my one companion...
You were all that mattered...

Jesus, how was it even possible that their bond, from which she always thought was unbreakable, had been watered down to this awful point?
She was almost having a mental breakdown by only talking to him through the radio.
Stupid.
They were supposed to be together forever.
And now look at them.

You were once a friend and lover...
Then my world was shattered...

Goddammit.
Just tell him already.
She gave herself a firm mental shake and cleared her throat.
"Okay, what I'm trying to say is; we found out that Mireya had a daughter."
Silence was all that followed when she let go of the small button, so she decided to just continue.
"We uh… we found her. Her daughter. Her name is Zevvi and she's the spitting image of her mother and therefore of you. I met her only a few hours ago now and God, I wish you had been there with me. She's so special, Vinnie…"
Just like you.
She didn't say the last part out loud, though.
Not because she didn't want to, but simply because she couldn't speak further.
Her voice failed on her when she, once again, realized that he wasn't here but God only knew how many miles away from her.

Wishing you were somehow here again…
Wishing you were somehow near...

"You're doing great, babe", Throttle said softly as he rubbed her back.
Kiwi folded both hands around the microphone and as she rested her forehead on her folded hands, she closed her eyes.
She needed to calm down.
She was calling with a purpose.
A purpose for her life.
His life.
Their life.
That thought made the seed of hope grow even faster again and she took a deep breath.
Here goes nothing.
"It's time that you come home, Vinnie. She's your family. Your blood. She needs you, more than anything… Look, if you don't wanna come home for me, then at least do it for her. She's the only living relative you have left. That has to mean something, right? So, please… Please come back…"
Come back to me…

Dammit.
She didn't want to sound so pleading.
She didn't want to beg him to come home.
But it just happened.
She was desperate.
Beyond that.
He just needed to come home.
She needed him.
Why couldn't he see that?

His answer came faster than she'd expected.
It was as if he hadn't even thought about it.
Well, he always had been a bit impulsive.
But did he not understand that now wasn't the time to be impulsive?
Apparently not.
Some things would never change.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

As soon as the last word left his mouth, Kiwi heard another click that told her he had broken the connection.
The silence that followed was almost deafening.
It pressed against her eardrums and she blinked a few times, her brain making overtime to process what was happening here.
He couldn't and he… wait, what?
He... couldn't?
Why not?
Why would he say that?
It wasn't supposed to go like this.
He was supposed to tell her that he would come back.
For Zevvi.
They would be together again.

For a moment, it felt as if she was floating.
As if she wasn't really here, even though she still felt the burning gazes of the three Martian mice that were with her in the same room.
She could feel their worry.
Their fear.
And she knew they were all three on high alert.
Ready to intervene when that awful moment would come.
That moment when she was going to lose it.
But maybe she already was.
Losing it.
It felt as if she was having an out-of-body experience or something.
As if her soul took some distance to protect itself when the brutal realization came.
The realization that all hope was gone.
Hope, that was crushed by two simple words.

'I can't.'

No mercy.
No.
This wasn't how she had pictured it.
At all.

"Kiwi… I'm so sorry…", Throttle whispered as he rubbed her hand with his thumb.
Hearing his pain that reflected hers made her feel sick all of a sudden and she jumped on her feet, pulling back her hand in the process.
His warm and loving hand.
Her shelter.
Without responding, she walked to the window and opened it.
The warm air almost slapped her in the face, but warm or not, it was fresher than the stale air in the room.
The stale air that pressed its heavy weight on her.
The warm wind from outside blew through her hair and she closed her eyes, her hands almost desperately clinging onto the stone windowsill.
Out of nowhere, nausea pressed on her gullet, making swallowing difficult.
It was over.
It was officially over.
Her life was over.

Was it?

She opened her eyes with a frown.
This was the weirdest thing ever.
But instead of completely breaking down like she, and the others with her, had expected to happen, she suddenly felt something entirely different.
Something she hadn't felt in a very, very long time.
Anger.
It spread through her body like wildfire, almost taking her breath away as well and her fingers dug into the red stone of the windowsill.
But she didn't feel the pain when her nails broke, one by one.
Neither did she see the blood.
No, there was a train of thoughts raging through her head at this very moment, taking up all her attention.

She had given him his space.
She had let him go, even though it completely destroyed her.
She had done everything within her power to move on without him, just like he wanted her to do.
She'd lived with that agonizing pain for over more than a year now.
She had done all that, even though he had promised her that he would be with her and beside her, forever.
To guard her and to guide her.
Forever…

A shock jolted through her body and she gasped when another realization hit her.
Soon after, everything became just so… clear, all of a sudden.
Crystal clear.
As if the warm wind coming through the open window blew away the dark cloud that had blurred her vision for the past year.
And she now knew...
He hadn't just left her.
No, he had betrayed her.
He had betrayed her like no one ever betrayed her.
Not even Chaz and he was quite high on the list after what he had done.

But Vinnie now took the lead, as always.
He had denied her.
Betrayed her.
And yet, here she was.
Completely broken.
Crying because she missed him so much.
Because she couldn't live without him.
He had let her down in so many ways and what did she do?
She had literally begged him to come home.
Pathetic.
Useless, too.

Too many years fighting back tears…
Why can't the past just die?

And suddenly, she was done.
Done with him.
Done with grieving for him.
Done with missing him.
Done with this pain that held her in a tight grip, so tight that she could hardly breathe.
Done with being trapped in this cage called love.
Done with being the victim.
That poor wounded little bird…
Fuck that.
Fuck him.
Fuck it all.

'I'm sorry…'

Right.
Even now, even after everything he had done to her, after all the false promises he had given her, he just lied to her again.
After all, how on Mars could he be sorry?
He could only be sorry if he cared.
But he didn't care, now did he?
Of course, not.
If he did, he would back.
Come back home.
But no.
He couldn't.
Fine.
He could choke in his misery, for all she cared.

Because she had found herself a new purpose.
A purpose she had wanted to share with him, more than anything.
But he had made his choice.
And it was time that she did the same.
There was a little girl, a lost little girl, out there who needed her.
And she could only be there for her if she was free.
Freed from her burden.
Freed from this cage.
It was time to spread her wings again.
And so she did.

With renewed strength and without hesitation, she lifted her hand and pulled the red diamond out of her ear.
After looking at it for a little while, she took a deep breath and threw it out of the window.
The sun reflected on the red diamond one last time.
One last glitter before it disappeared.
Like he had done.
From now on, he was dead to her.

The three mice at the table shared a worried look, but Kiwi already turned around from the window before they could say anything.
Her burning blue eyes landed on Modo, who almost flinched by seeing her intense look.
"I want her."
The grey-furred giant gave her a confused look, clearly, he was having a hard time to keep up with her changing moods.
She couldn't really blame him.
She hardly followed it for herself.
All she knew was that it felt as if she was reborn.
It wasn't about her anymore.
It was now about that little helpless girl who needed her.

"Zevvi. I want her. Whenever she's ready, of course. I can go visit her at the house, to get to know each other, to build up trust... I'll do whatever it takes, but I want her."
Her voice was as steady as a rock.
She had a purpose again.
And that was taking in this child, this marked child.
To take care of her.
To give her the love she deserved.
To protect her.
Most of all, to give her a place to call home.
Everyone needed a home.
Especially her.

Her.
Zevvi.
This girl, this special girl…
This girl with whom she had a connection from the moment she laid her eyes on her.
Truth be told, she had no idea how it was possible.
She had no idea why Zevvi felt so quickly at ease with her for the troubled kid she was.
But the fact remained that it happened.
And that could only mean that they belonged together.
It was written in the stars.
Meant to be.
Her purpose.
Her task.

Modo finally woke up from his trance and he blinked a few times before he looked at Kiwi with a certain seriousness that was rare, even for him.
But when it came to the children, his life's work, he couldn't be serious enough.
"Are you sure about this? I mean, raising a kid ain't easy but raising a traumatized kid, well… That's a whole other ball game, Kiwi ma'am."
But Kiwi nodded with dogged determination.
"I've never been so sure about anything. I won't pretend that it doesn't scare me, because it does, but Modo… We had this click, this connection…Besides, she's Vinnie's cousin. She belongs on the base which was once his home. With us. With her family. Together, we can give this child a future. We can't let her down like Vinnie just did. We just can't."

"She's right, big fella", a husky voice agreed with her and all eyes landed on Throttle, who stood up and stretched his back before he continued, looking his older grey-furred bro in the eye.
"Look, I will be the last one to tell you how to do your job, but our human friend here is right about one thing. That kid belongs here. This his her home. I still consider Vinnie as my bro, despite his actions. That makes her family."
The tan-furred mouse fell silent for a moment, looking around the small group as he adjusted his glasses.
But then, a warm smile appeared on his face as he walked over to Kiwi and he swung an arm around her shoulders.
"And we never let family down."

Modo stared at his bionic arm for a while, how the deadly laser popped in and out, clearly deep in thoughts.
But finally, after what felt for an eternity, he looked up.
"I'll talk to Abigail. I only start the procedure with her blessing and then alone. She knows Zevvi, after all. She knows what's best for her."
"Fair enough", Kiwi nodded, trying to stay calm, but it was hard.
Her lips curled into a smile before she could stop it and her heart almost exploded out of her chest.
She had found back a purpose.
She wasn't trapped.
Not anymore.
She was free.
Finally free.

No more memories, no more silent tears...
No more gazing across the wasted years…
It's time to say goodbye.

PS.

I know you guys want to know more about Zevvi and I just wanna say that her story will be told soon.
That brings me to my next point; Hot damn, I'm kind of on fire the past few weeks with writing chapters for this story, the words just kept coming, it was crazy.
But I guess the next update will take a bit longer, for I need some time to come up with the details for Zevvi's background story.
Next to that, I totally neglected Shadow of the Day (sorry about that, hehe), so that story deserves a bit of my attention in the upcoming weeks as well.
If my huge ass writer's block allows me, that is.

But not to worry, this story is far from over and I'm actually for about ninety-nine percent sure that the next update won't take months like one of the previous chapters.
I don't make promises, just to be sure.
It's just that writing two stories takes a lot of time, especially with me being the perfectionist as I am, hehe.
But I can assure you that I'm doing the best I can to update as quickly as possible without being sloppy.

Oh, fun fact; this whole adopting a kid thingy was actually one of the ideas Youkai55 gave me a little while ago now. Of course, I worked out the details myself, but I just wanna use this moment to give the credits for this idea to the one who they belong to.
So, a big thanks to you, Youkai55! :)
It was enough for me to get this story back on track.

Okay, I'm gonna shut up now, hehe XD
Thanks for supporting me, guys.
Mucho love to all of you and stay safe.

Ciao!