Chapter 5

A/N If you are easily triggered, you may not want to read this chapter.

Kevin sat on the edge of his bed and looked at the pile of bills there before him. He had added them up and re-added them trying not to believe that he was so far in debt. How had this happened? He had made good money during his short stent in the NFL, before the injury had sidelined him and ended his football career. They should have been sitting pretty but here he was drowning in debt and no where to go and no one to turn to. Just a week ago he had received foreclosure forms on his home, he had a month to remove himself and his family from the residence. Then on top of that came the repo man and taken his car for non payment. Then as if life had wanted to kick him one more time while he was down, divorce papers were served to him at his job. He wondered how much lower he could fall in life, wasn't he at rock bottom again.

He thought back to high-school, he had been on top of the world then, Captain of the baseball team, all star quarterback and most popular boy in Peach Creek High. He had all the girl friends he could ever want and even had a cute boyfriend, that he had fallen in love with. Then one day his world came crashing down. He was torn away from his love, and his life wrecked, and sent to a military school. Well he had pulled himself out of a deep depression and gotten back into football and got a scholarship to college and played well there. Just before college he had met a girl and she seduced him one night in a bar and had gotten pregnant, she was so beautiful, but so ugly on the inside. She made him marry her for the baby's sake. When the twins were born he was on top of the world. He would make a go of this sham of a marriage. They had only had sex that one time, and even though they were married and played the happy couple she never approached him again. Oh she had had many lovers, but never Kevin, but he was glad of that. After that one time with her he had felt like he had cheated on the only one he really loved and went back to living a celibate life style. Which was really odd for the Casanova of Peach Creek High, during high school he had bedded just about all the girls he could get with and that one boy. That one boy had changed his whole outlook on life and made him feel as if he owed him fidelity in life.

Three years after the boys were born, she had a daughter and every chance she got she made sure to tell the green eyed man that she wasn't his, as if he didn't know that fact all to well. After the daughter was born, his crazy wife went on a spending spree and never ceased to stop spending. Now they were fifty thousand dollars in debt and no way to pay for them. When the divorce papers came, his father-in-law had fired him from his job at the car dealership. No he had no idea what he was going to do. She had taken the girl, but left the boys saying she didn't want the little brats. They looked nothing like her or her family. Both boys had the Barr looks. One of the boys was the spitting image of his father, red hair, green eyes, freckles and facial structure. The other had the same facial structure, but his green eyes had a touch of blue in them and from some ancient ancestor he had inherited had raven black hair. All of his wife's family had blonde hair and hazel eyes so it didn't come from there. The one who was Kevin's mini me was named Kevin Alexander Barr and his brother was named Eddward Vincent Barr. That was the only argument the red head had ever tried to win with what was now his ex wife. After winning that battle he had ceased to even try to argue anymore. From day one the boys were his sole purpose in life, they were tired to his heart strings and he loved them dearly. His heart was now filled with three boys, one that had been torn irrevocably from his life and probably never wanted to see him again. He had ruined the Dork's life for sure. So there was no going back there. He had the boys to love and raise and he would try to get by, for their sake.

After fourteen years of trying his best, here he was back flat on his ass again. Life wasn't fair that's for sure. He had no where to turn and no one to turn too. He looked at the pile of bills again and sighed. He leaned over and poured himself a shot of whiskey from the bottle beside his bed. He slammed it back and gasped as the liquor burned his throat. The boys had gone with some friends to spend the week at that family's mountain cabin, so he was alone tonight he was going to tie one on. It had been a long time since he had really gotten totally drunk. Oh, he had drank a lot over the years trying to rid himself of the pain in his heart, but it hadn't really helped anything. Usually it just caused more problems than it was worth. He sat back with another drink and thought about his life. In the last fourteen years the only friends he had basically been able to keep in his life had been of his wife's choosing, if she hadn't chosen them then she worked hard and fast to rid him of them. Between her and her father they had broken his self esteem until he was almost a mouse. Kevin Barr the cocky teen of Peach Creek High School was long gone. He was a shell of the man he once was.

He got up and staggered over to the mirror over his dresser and looked at himself. Dull green eyes looked back at him, the golden lights that were there when he as happy was no where to be seen. A permanent frown married his once handsome face. What was once proud shoulders now slumped and made him even sadder looking. "Here's to you, you worthless piece of shit! No one want's you. You are totally useless. Everything you love, always gets torn to shreds."

He walked back over to the bed and sat down looking at the pile of bills, What was the use of even trying. He might as well kill himself and get out of this miserable life. He poured another drink from the bottle and downed it. The bottle was almost empty, was there anymore in the house? He got up and staggered out of the room. When he got into the hall he looked at the empty rooms on each side of the hall, ever stick of furniture was gone, except for the small bedroom he had slept in for fourteen years. The master suite, which had been his wife's domain was empty. The room next to his was where the boys slept, it still had furniture in it, but nothing else on this floor had anything in it.

As he started down the stairs the doorbell rang, holding onto the rail for dear life he staggered down the stairs and managed to get to the door without a mishap. He opened the door to see a man with a messenger bag over his shoulder. "What you want?"

"Kevin Barr, special delivery for Kevin Barr, sign here." Said the man holding out a thick envelope.

"Fuck, more bad news, ain't nothing left for anybody to take." mumbled Kevin

He took the pad and scribbled his name, then took the envelope. He shoved it into his back pocket to look at when he got back upstairs. He then wobbled over thru the empty house to the kitchen to find the liquor cabinet. He found another bottle of whiskey, and headed back thru the empty rooms to the stairs and back up to his bed room. "Bitch took everything! Fuck her, fuck life, fuck it all." He sat on the bed looking at the pile of bills. Tears welled up in the emerald green eyes. Why was his life such a disaster? Life was so much better in Peach Creek before the shit hit the fan. If only he could go back in time. Maybe he could have made better choices. Maybe he would have never fucked that little faggot. What, fuck that, that was the best time in his life until somebody felt the need to ruin his life. He loved Edd and still did. You can be sure boy, that Double Dork wouldn't want anything to do with your ass now. Like everybody else he'd probably spit on you and call you a loser. He could have contacted you when you were playing football at college. Just shows that he wants nothing to do with you.

He reached to his bedside table and pulled the pistol out of the drawer, one shot would put an end to all his troubles. He checked the rounds in the gun it was fully loaded. He raised the gun and placed it at his left temple. He sat like that for a few minutes trying to get the courage to pull the trigger.

His phone chimed, a text message from his sons. He lay the pistol down and checked the message. There was a selfie of both boys smiling with the caption saying "We Love you Daddy" He smiled at the picture and texted the boys back saying that he loved them more. There was two reasons to keep living. He had them if nobody else. Who would take care of them if he didn't, but how was he to do that with all this debt and no job, because of his ex father-in-law there was no hope in this town. He walked over the the dresser and pulled out a drawer. There was his senior yearbook, he took it over to his bed and sat down. He opened it up and on the first page was a photo of the yearbook committee, there was his dork in the middle of the picture. He turned to the Junior class photos. There he was smiling that crooked grin, red cap and green eyes sparkling. He remembered why he was smiling. Dee was standing behind the photographer when the picture was taken smiling that cute gaped tooth smile and winking at him. He found Rolf, Nazz, Nat and some other friends. He turned to the sports section and there he was on almost every page. It helped to have your boyfriend on the album committee. When he turned to the clubs Edd was in almost every one of the dork clubs. He traced his finger over that beloved black beanie. I wonder if he still wears that thing? He took another shot of whiskey and promptly passed out.

When he woke up the next day, his head was throbbing from the hangover, he wobbled over to the bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet and found some aspirin. And swallowed a few. He walked back in the bed room and looked at the bed, there was the yearbook still opened to the page with Double Dweeb's best picture, but now there were tear stains on the page. He didn't remember crying over the picture. He looked at the pile of bills and then the handgun. Fuck, Kevin, you ain't even man enough to do that. He put the gun away and sat starring at the bills. Then he remembered the letter that had come yesterday. Well might as well get all the bad news together. He then opened the letter noticing it was from some attorneys. He opened the cover letter and read:

Dear Mr. Barr

This is to notify you that you are the sole beneficiary of your mother's estate. We need you to appear in our office on a certain date to sign the papers for transfer of all property to you. Below you will find a list of said property left to you.

Kevin then read the list,

One residence and all it's furnishings

A minivan

A pickup

A Haley Davidson Motorcycle

One mechanic shop that had belonged to his father.

And a bank account with $100,428 dollars in it.

A few stocks and bonds

The red head lay the papers down on the bed. Well that would pay the debts off. But how was he to get to Peach Creek? His ex wife had cleaned out what money was left in their joint account. When he started to lay the papers down with the bills a smaller envelope fell out of the pile. He picked it up and opened it and inside was an check for a thousand dollars with the notation "to help with travel expenses" Well that would get him and the boys back to Peach Creek. He figured he would sell the house and business and move somewhere in the world. There was nothing for him there anymore.

Later that day after he found a place to cash the check he bought a trunk and several suitcases and went home and packed the boys stuff in the trunk. He threw his clothes into the suitcases. He then called a cab and went to purchase tickets to Peach Creek. He called the attorneys and confirmed that he would be there for the appointment. He stopped by the bank and let them know that he would be out of the house by the end of the week.

A week later he and the boys were standing in the cul-de-sac, looking at his childhood home. "Well boys, guess this will be home for awhile. That is until we can sell the place and find somewhere to live."

He opened the door and was overwhelmed with memories of the house, most were of all the good times he had with his parents. But memories of the last night he had stayed in this house came back as well. His parents weren't all bad, but that one night over shadowed the good. He walked thru the house looking at everything. Nothing had changed in all the years he had been gone. He opened the door to the garage. There sat his most prized possession waiting for him to come home. He ran over to the bike and ran his hand along the gas tank. Tracing the flames that he had hand stenciled on the tank.

The boys walked up behind Kevin and looked at the motorcycle with awe. "Was that yours?" asked the smaller Kevin. "Would you take us for a ride?"

The emerald eyes looked at his precious mini me and smiled "Yes, I will, but first let's get unpacked."

He walked up the stairs and down the hall to his old room. When he opened the door it was just like he had left it. His pennants, trophies were still in the room. He walked over to his desk where he had done his homework and opened the top left drawer and there were pictures of friends. He smiled and looked around the room again. Here, this room. The real Kevin Barr was in this room and he would find him again. He pulled out a picture from the drawer, it was him, in full football uniform. It was from the night of the state championship game from his Tenth grade year. The year that the team had won the state championship and he ran into the end-zone for the final touchdown. He looked at the next picture, there he was in a tight tee shirt and tight jeans lounging in his back yard. The dork had also taken this one, Dee had a way of making him look really sexy in what ever photo he took. His son Edd looked at the picture and said: "You were a real hottie back in the day, Dad"

Kevin looked at the picture and grinned, "I reckon I was kiddo, I reckon I was." He thought to himself If I want to reconnect with the old Kevin, I need to get this body back in shape. I wonder if the gym equipment is still in the basement?

He took the boys across the hall to another room that had a set of bunk beds in it and told them that for now this would be their room and that he would be just across the hall in his old room, and they started to unpack their stuff and set up their room. Kevin smiled as he watched the boys working and making a game out of setting up their individual spaces. He wished he could have had a brother to share his earlier years with.

After watching the boys for awhile, he went back to his own room to unpack his own stuff. He walked over to the bed and decided that it needed a change in sheets no telling how long ago those sheets had been put on that bed. As he was pulling the covering off the bed he noticed the blood spots on the sheets and the last night he had spent in the house ran swiftly through his memory. He ripped the sheets off of the bed. He went to the linen closet down the hall and got fresh sheets and covers for his bed. As he remade the bed he wondered where his favorite childhood blanket was. Then he remembered where it was used last. That last time experience on the blanket brought a warm fuzzy feeling to his heart, he smiled and then frowned as tears welled up in his eyes. C'mon Kevin, get it together man, back in the day you would have never let anyone see you cry. He brushed the tears from his eyes and started to put the sheets on the bed. As he was doing that the mattress slipped a bit and he saw a picture frame slide out from under the mattress. He grabbed the frame and turned it over and there was that cherished gap toothed smile and beautiful blue eyes looking back at him. That last night he had slept with this picture held close to his chest. He had cried so much that night that he had worn himself out and fell asleep with the picture in his arms. It was when he woke up that he finally realized that he actually loved the dork. He sat on the edge of the bed and started crying again.

As he sat on the bed weeping he heard a sound at the door and looked up. He turned the picture over on his lap. He didn't want the boys to know he was crying over a boy, they weren't ready to know that their dad liked a boy once.

"Daddy, why are you so sad? Did we do something wrong?" Asked the dark haired boy.

"No my heart, Never think that, I love you son. It's just old memories of when I was a boy, and a dear friend that I lost touch with"

The boy walked over and hugged his dad, "Tell me about your friend Daddy, maybe talking about it will make you feel better. I know it usually helps me, when I talk to Kevie about things that make me sad. Where you always friends?

"We met when we were about five years old, he moved into the house across the street, they were moving in and I went over to look at the big truck and that's when we met. Later he met some other friends and started to hang out with them. We sort of drifted apart after that because he got involved with their scams. He was really smart and could make up things from scrap that he got from the junk yard." Kevin reached over and pulled out a picture from the bedside table. And showed it to the boy. "This was us in middle school, my mother took a picture of all of us that summer. Here I am, on my bike, This boy standing next to me is my friend Edd. He's the one you got your name from. This guy on the other side is big Ed, or lumpy as some called him. He wasn't too bright, but had a heart of gold. This blonde girl is Nazz, all the boys had a crush on her. This is Jimmy and Sarah. Sarah is Big Ed's little sister. There's Jonny and plank, strange kid thought the plank could talk to him. This is Rolf and that little shrimp of a guy is Eddy. I never really liked him."

"Three Eds how did you guys tell them apart?"

Mostly Eddy was called skipper, and as I said Big Ed was called lumpy. The guy in the black hat was Edd, we called him, Double Dee." Kevin traced a finger over Double Dee and smiled.

"That guy has a cute smile Daddy, I think I would have liked him too." The boy smiled shyly at his dad.

"In middle school I used to bully the Eds, mostly because I couldn't stand Skipper and his scams to get money from the other kids in the cul-de-sac. Then in high school Dee tutored me in some classes we had and we became close friends again."

"Was he your boyfriend?"

Kevin looked at the boy, How does he know, and should I really tell him about how close Dee and I really became?

The boy looked directly into his father's green eyes. "It's okay daddy if you had a boyfriend, I like boys that way too. Please don't be mad at me, but that's how I feel." Said the boy looking down at the floor afraid to look his father in the eye at the moment.

Kevin sat there stunned for a moment, then grabbed the boy in a tight hug. He reached and put his hand under his son's chin and brought his head up so that he could look into the boy's eyes. "Never feel you can't tell me anything Edd, I love you no matter what. If you like boys that's fine with me. I wish my father could have understood how I felt. I don't know if it was a phase I was going thru, teenage hormones or really true love. But yes he was my boyfriend. Are you sure you like boys?"

"I figured it out, last summer at band camp. We were playing spin the bottle and I was dared to kiss Sharon, then Devon spun and Sharon dared him to kiss me. I liked kissing Devon a whole lot better than Sharon. After that I started to pay attention to both boys and girls and decided that I liked looking at boys more than girls."

"Son, what ever makes you happy is fine with me. I love you no matter what. Does Kevie know? And who does he like?"

"Yes, he knows and says he don't care. He likes girls though." little Edd then kissed his father's cheek and said "be happy Daddy, Looking at the picture you have a beautiful smile. Would you please smile for me that way."

"I'm sorry son, I haven't had a lot to smile about lately, but I will try to smile a real smile for my boys." Kevin then put on his crooked grin and hugged his son again.

Eddie laughed and said "Well that's a start anyways. Guess I'll go and help Kevie finish unpacking and ran to the room across the hall. When he got to the room he grabbed his brother in a hug.

"Ewww, don't go all gay on me, what was that for?"

"I just told dad that I liked boys." Grinned Eddie

"Huh, what did he say, He didn't act like mother did when you told her did he? I'd hate to have to pound my own father over that." Laughed the red haired boy.

Kevin laughed from the doorway, and walked into the room smiling a real smile that he hadn't done in a while and said. "I told him that I loved him and that whatever made him happy was fine with me." He then winked at the dark haired boy and continued. "He outed you as well. He said you liked girls." Kevin then laughed and hugged both is boys and said, "Never feel you can not tell me anything. Now get ready for bed, we have an early start in the morning, you guys don't want to be late your first day in a new school."

Kevin went back to his room and lay on his bed thinking. What fine sons you have, aren't you glad you were to chicken to pull the trigger now. You have to help them become great men. You aren't so worthless as you thought were you. You gonna have to man up and be strong for Eddie, because he'll need all the support he can get. He got up and went around the room straightening pictures. He pulled a picture of the boys out of his bag and placed it on his desk. He got the picture of Double Dee and placed it on the desk next to the boys. He smiled as the thought passed thru his mind My most true loves are there. I wonder how Dee is doing and if he ever thinks of me. After all that crap that went down I am sure you are the last thing on his mind. He probably wishes he had never met you.

That night Kevin dreamed that his younger self was in the room looking at him there on the bed "Dude, the fuck, you done to my body? That shit ain't cool. You ruined all my hard work to get the perfect body to impress the dork. C'mon man hit the gym and get us back in shape. He shook his head and walked out of the room.