Hey you guys...

Holy shit, it took me a while to update this story and sorry doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's just a lot going on right now, next to that, I had to overcome another major writer's block.
But victory is mine and here we are, yet another chapter of this long and wild story.
Oh, and before I forget; thank you so much for the reviews!

I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Feel free to leave a review once you're done, always very much appreciated.
They keep me motivated to fight my writer blocks.
Till next time, and I truly hope that next time will be sooner than this time, if you guys know what I mean. :')

Ride free, citizens!

Later!

Chapter 25

A few minutes earlier…

Kiwi slowly opened her eyes, not sure what it was that woke her out of this deep and peaceful sleep, for she was far from well-rested.
But she soon realized what it was and her heart skipped a few beats as she flew upright, her hands touching the empty space next to her.
It wasn't just empty, it was cold, too and panic grabbed her by the throat without mercy, making it difficult to breathe.
Again.
This was starting to get a habit.
How tiring.
"No, no, no, Vinnie, where are you…?", she breathed as she jumped out of bed and ran to the door, not having the presence of mind to put on some extra clothes than just the oversized shirt she always slept in.

With her heart pounding in her chest, she rushed through the empty and cold hallways to the garage.
"Oh god, please, let it be there, let it be there", she mumbled to herself, referring to his bike and she quickened her pace even more.
Her bare feet drummed on the cold red stone floor, the sound echoing through the hallway but she hardly heard it.
She didn't even feel the cold.
Neither did she feel the pain, caused by the rough surface.
All she could think of was him.
Oh god, what if he had left her again?
What if she had chased him away by being honest?
Jesus, what if he had lost hope because of her?

She flew around the last corner, her hand already reaching out for the door that led to the garage, but then she crashed into something big and heavy.
Something furry, too.
"Whoa", she breathed as she tried to keep her balance, but it was no use and with a loud thump, she landed on the floor on her backside, causing a nasty pain that shot through her spine, all the way up to her neck.
A moan escaped her lips and she squeezed her eyes shut, for a moment too overwhelmed by the vicious pain.
But the panic soon made it fade like an Earth song from the '90s and she opened her eyes again, looking straight into Modo's face, who already grabbed her arms to put her back on her feet, lifting her with an ease as if she didn't weigh like sixty kilos.
"I'm sorry, Kiwi, I ah… I didn't see you... ", he mumbled as he brushed the dust off her shoulders.

Two things caught her attention.
First; he called her Kiwi instead of Kiwi ma'am, like he usually did.
Second; there was this look on his face that she had never seen before.
She couldn't name it.
But it worried her more than she liked to admit.
"Modo... ", she started, but he shook his head to stop her.
"I can't talk right now, I'm too angry... I'm just… I need air", he babbled as he already turned around, but before he could walk away, she grabbed him by the arm.
"Modo, wait! Have you seen Vinnie?", she asked without thinking, but she then suddenly realized that he and Throttle probably didn't even know that he was back in the first place, and so she opened her mouth again to explain it.
But when she saw that Modo's eye started to glow redder than red by hearing Vinnie's name, she slowly closed her mouth again as she gave him an investigating look.
"Modo, what's…"
"He's in the garage. Now, if you'll excuse me…", and without waiting for an answer, he quickly brushed her hand off his arm and rushed away.

For a moment, Kiwi just stood there, following him with her eyes. As soon as he told her that Vinnie was in the garage, the panic got replaced by relief.
Soon thereafter, the relief changed into suspicion.
What the hell was going on here?
She had never seen Modo this upset and that was saying something, considering she had been a witness of his almost successful suicide attempt, back on Earth.
Meaning, she had seen him at his worst, but she now knew that it, apparently, could be even worse than worst, if that even made sense.

She looked at the door of the garage, but now she knew that Vinnie was still here, her curiosity won it from her desire to see him again and she quickly followed Modo, determined to find out what happened in the garage while she had been so peacefully asleep.
Because it was clear to her that something happened.
A reunion gone wrong...
Modo had been there for her when she was struggling, more than once.
It was now time to return the favor.
Her friend needed her.

...

Throttle took a drink of his tea before he put the mug back on the table.
The soft sound that was heard when the object touched the red stone surface of the table wasn't enough to break the almost suffocating silence, which wasn't really surprising.
It was well known that Vinnie didn't like to talk about his problems.
He rather ran the other way without looking back and fleeing the base last year was just one of many examples that confirmed that theory.
As Throttle watched his young bro, he realized that this time was no different. Playing with the small teaspoon in his cup, the white-furred mouse radiated nothing more than unease as he kept his gaze lowered, desperately avoiding Throttle's look.
Tight as a clam, as always.

Still.
He came back.
That had to mean something.
After being gone for over more than a year, he didn't have to come back.
Not really, that is.
He could've just as easily stayed away while time slowly faded the memories of him until he was forgotten.
As if he'd never existed.
But he didn't.
He came back.
Maybe he was finally ready to do things differently this time.

But no one ever said that changing your methods was easy.
No, it was downright scary.
But he needed to know that he wasn't alone.
That despite everything, he would be there to help him.
No one should be alone.
Especially not when being in pain.
And Vinnie was in pain, alright.
No doubt about that.
Yeah, well...
Weren't they all?

After studying his young bro for a little while longer, Throttle slowly leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table as he cleared his throat.
"I gotta ask, bro. What made you decide to come back?", he asked, friendly but still straight to the point.
That was simply because there was no need, no excuse, to dance around the subject.
Not this time.
Even though he had decided to be there for his friend, Throttle still felt like the guy owed him an explanation.
Even more than that.
Modo wasn't the only one who was deeply hurt by his departure and he wasn't talking about Kiwi either.

But despite his anger and incomprehension because of Vinnie's decisions, the tan-furred mouse couldn't reject one of his oldest friends, especially not now it was obvious that he needed him.
And yes, he was highly aware that this was the same mouse who did reject him in times of need by leaving him behind.
But the thing was, he wasn't Vinnie.
He had his own norms and values, and he planned to stick to them.
Especially after all the permanent losses he had experienced.
He couldn't afford it to shut Vinnie out.
Not now he was back.
He knew that if the white-furred mouse would feel abandoned or unloved, he would leave again and this time for real.
The thought alone made him sick to the stomach and the tan-furred mouse shifted his weight a bit uneasy while he waited for Vinnie to answer the question.

The latter now bit his lower lip as he stared at his mug, his peculiar red eyes fixated on the spoon that was still in his right hand.
After a short silence, a frown appeared on his face and he heaved a sigh, probably because he realized that there was no way out of this.
Because there wasn't.
Even he knew that.
He didn't need Throttle to tell him that he only had one chance.
One chance to redeem himself.
To open up.
To let his oldest friend in, so he could help him.
Help him to stop running.
Help him to face his demons.
To let him feel that he wasn't alone.
One chance was all he had.
One shot.

"I came back because I'm tired of running", the young mouse eventually answered the question that was still lingering in the air between them.
He kept his gaze lowered, but that didn't really bother the unflappable leader.
At least he said something that made sense instead of some lame-ass excuse.
But his voice was low, even a bit husky and Throttle wrapped his hands around his mug, so the comforting warmth could enter his body.
All to keep away the chills that came with hearing the pain in Vinnie's voice.
Even worse, it wasn't just pain.
There was doubt, too.
Insecurity.
Sadness.
Self-hate.
Fear…

Hm.
As he tightened his grip around the warm cup in his hands, Throttle raised his eyes again, only to see that Vinnie was still avoiding his.
But he didn't need to have eye contact to see that the poor guy was scared.
Not just scared.
Terrified.
Those who didn't know the white-furred mouse that well might have missed it, but not Throttle.
The signs were there, although very subtle, but that didn't matter.
What did matter was that they were there.
The slightly twitching ears.
The white fur on his arms that stood on end, visible because the sleeves of his black hoodie were rolled up.
The tip of his tail ticking against the chair leg.
His shallow breathing.
The agony that was written upon his face.
And Throttle wondered, as he had wondered every day since Vinnie had left them…
"What is it that you're so afraid of, Vin?"

The white-furred mouse froze the moment he heard the word 'afraid' and Throttle braced himself, partially expecting his younger bro to say something along the lines of 'Pardon et moi?! Afraid? Me? Ugh, come on. I'm Vinnie van Wham! I ain't scared of nothing', but much to his surprise, he didn't.
Well, at first he didn't respond at all.
He just stared at the table, completely frozen, telling the tan-furred leader that he was engaged in an inner battle with himself.
Not intending to push him, Throttle took another sip of the sweet tea, keeping a close eye on his bro while he was at it, knowing that body language was a very important element in conversations with the most stubborn and closed mouse in the entire universe.

After what felt like an eternity, the white-furred youngster looked up and their eyes locked for the first time since they had taken place at this table in the Main Hall.
The hardly visible glint of inconsolable anguish in the deep-red eyes should've been a warning for what was to come, but it wasn't, for there was nothing that could've prepared Throttle for the answer he was about to get.
"Myself."
It was not so much about the way Vinnie spoke the word, but rather about the word itself that threw the older mouse off game.
Strange, how much just one word could trigger.
How heartbreaking it could sound.
How it was able to cover Vinnie's loneliness and desperation.

"It wasn't your fault, Vin", Throttle said softly, referring to that day, that day that changed everything, because he knew that the young mouse was holding himself responsible for what happened.
Which was completely unnecessary, but someone should tell Vinnie that.
Well, he just did, but he already saw that the words didn't make it to his brain.
It never did.
It somehow just didn't stick.
Vinnie's response confirmed that theory.

"It was. We all know it was, man…", the white-furred mouse sighed as he rubbed his face, his ears hanging low.
"It's just that nobody has the guts to say it loud."
Throttle snorted as he shook his head, he just couldn't stop himself.
"I do have the guts. I'm not scared of telling you the truth, Vincent. I never was. And I'm telling you - it wasn't your fault", he started and he slowly leaned forward, suddenly feeling the anger he probably should've felt from the moment he saw Vinnie's bike standing in the garage.
Anger because of his betrayal.
And anger there was.
"But speaking of honesty, let's share the wealth, will ya? Because it ain't the guilt that made you run away. It was something else. Something that hunted you down without mercy. I wanna know what that was. I wanna know why you left me at a time when I needed you the most. I wanna know why you…-"
Throttle pointed at him to strengthen his words.
"- ...let me down."

As he was talking, Vinnie already broke eye contact again and his gaze wandered back to the mug that still stood in front of him.
But instead of another long and awkward silence, he started talking.
Well, it was more like he was reading the weather report instead of baring his soul, for he spoke with a certain distance, almost business-like, but hey, at least he talked.
"Ever since the Plutarkians are gone, I feel this… emptiness inside of me. As if a part of me died with the war, and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore. All I could think of was - 'Who am I?' I didn't know. I still don't know. My life has lost purpose from the moment the war was over. I just didn't know how to deal with that. With the feeling of being useless. Because that's what I am. Useless… Seeing your pain only confirmed that. It kept reminding me of all the ways I let you and Modo down… and Stoker, he… well, I just couldn't take it anymore."

He trailed off, already playing with the teaspoon again.
It was his honesty and the fact that he, apparently, trusted him enough to be vulnerable that made Throttle's anger melt like snow under the sun.
"You're not useless, Vinnie. You're confused. Searching for something that is able to fill that void", the tan-furred leader told his young bro, who shrugged one shoulder.
"Maybe I am. But the thing is, nothing is able to fill it. Not the team. Not you. Not Modo. Not even Kiwi."
When he said her name, his voice broke and he trailed off again, rubbing his eyes with his left hand while his right fingers kept playing with the small spoon.
He was just trying so hard to keep it together and Throttle wanted nothing more than to tell him that it was okay to let it all out.
That it was okay not to be okay.
But he didn't, for that wasn't how you talked to Vinnie.

So he slumped back in his chair, leaning to the right as he too took the small teaspoon between his fingers.
"That still doesn't explain why you came back…", he said softly as he ticked with the spoon on the table.
He didn't say this to sound insensitive, or to be harsh, it was simply an encouragement.
And it worked.
Of course, it did.
He knew Vinnie better than anyone else.

"The day Kiwi called… I dunno, it's kinda hard to explain, but it felt as if someone slapped me in the face. As if I woke up from a deep slumber or something like that. And I suddenly was able to feel again. Until that moment, I didn't even realize how dulled I was. Denver saw how upset I was and took me apart, all to just tell me that there was only one thing that could help me heal and that's the love of my family. That only love could conquer hate or something like that. I dunno, to be honest, I thought it sounded like total BS at first. Well, maybe it still does, but when I went to bed that night, it was all I could think of. It's still all I can think of…"

He then looked up at Throttle again, his cheeks coloring red under his white fur.
"I'm going crazy, am I? I mean, since when do I take that kinda shit seriously?"
It was clear that shame was already taking over again, like it always did when he lowered his walls and opened up.
Which was completely unnecessary, of course.
And so, Throttle gave him a friendly smile.
"I think Denver is right. Love is the medicine for everything. Without it, we would be lost and alone. Wanderers without a home."

The white-furred mouse studied his face for a moment, but then he shrugged, as if he didn't know how to deal with all this.
He probably didn't.
He ran away from his pain for a reason.
And yet, he came back.
For love.
"Have you told Kiwi this?", the tan-furred leader asked, focusing his gaze back on the spoon to make the young mouse feel a bit less uncomfortable.

Vinnie heaved a sigh as he leaned forward before he rested his head on his folded arms.
"No. I couldn't. She asked me why I came back, but I just clammed up…"
He then pointed his ruby-red eyes at Throttle, despair written upon his face.
"Jesus, Throttle, the pain in her eyes… What was I thinking? I never should've left her… Not like that…", he added as he lowered his eyes again.
"No, you shouldn't have", Throttle replied calmly, sticking to the truth without being judgemental.
"But you did. And now it's time to make up for your mistakes. To explain to her what is going on inside your head. She deserves an explanation, Vincent. And I'm sure she's more than willing to give you the chance to explain yourself."

Vinnie heaved another sigh as he rolled his red eyes.
"Ugh. You always make it sound so easy. But it's not. I mean, how do I explain to her that my demons are stronger than my love for her? How does that even make sense, huh? Gosh, she deserves so much better than this. Better than me."
He said the last part with a somewhat disgusted look on his face and Throttle didn't know what was worse - listening to his bragging or his self-hate.
Probably the latter.
"Come on, Vin. Self-loathing doesn't suit ya. More to the point; it won't help you right now…"
As he spoke, the tan-furred mouse leaned forward again and looked Vinnie straight in the eye.
"You really wanna make things right? Then fight for it. Fight for it like you fight for everything. Show her what you're feeling. Just show her what is going on inside that head of yours."

"Yeah, 'cause I'm so good with words", Vinnie mumbled a bit annoyed with twitching ears, but Throttle wasn't impressed by his cynicism, for it wasn't the first time he used it to keep people at a distance.
"Who said anything about talking?"
That took the young mouse's attention and his eyes grew big.
"You mean; literally show it to her?"
"Why not? You said it yourself, you're not good with words and I'm sorry to say this, but you're right. You suck at talking", Throttle chuckled to lighten the mood a bit.
"Geez, thanks, man. Really appreciate it", Vinnie muttered, but Throttle could see that the seed had been planted.
And that was all that mattered.

"But what about Modo?", the white-furred mouse asked a bit worried, rubbing his throat absent-mindedly.
Throttle shrugged as he leaned back in his chair with the mug in his hands.
"He'll come around", he answered confidently, but frankly, he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.
Truth be told, he had never seen Modo this upset.
He could only hope that he would.
Come around.
Otherwise, things would become very, very complicated…

…

Meanwhile, on the other side of the base, Kiwi walked outside, already huffing and puffing because of the blistering heat.
The sun only just came up, but the temperature was already skyrocketing and sweat started to form on her head the moment the heat touched her skin.
But she didn't care.
All she cared about right now was Modo.
Her grey-furred friend, who was pacing through the garden, his eye still glowing red.
He too was already suffering from the extraordinary heat, sweat turning his grey fur almost black, but he didn't seem to notice as he was caught up in his anger.

As she approached him, Kiwi slowed down her pace, her instinct telling her that caution was needed here.
"Modo? Modo, what happened?", she asked softly as she tried to catch his gaze.
She knew she was within his range of hearing, but he didn't seem to hear her.
Clearing her throat, she took another step.
"Modo?"

Even though she tried to avoid it, fear was clearly audible in her voice, simply because he scared her.
For the first time since she knew him, he scared her.
It was hard to explain why that was all of a sudden, but it was there and it took her breath away.
Perhaps it was his whole appearance.
It literally breathed pure fury, and so she slowly came to a halt.
"Modo? Are you… are you okay?", she eventually asked a bit hesitant, which was, without a doubt, a stupid question.
It was more than obvious that he wasn't okay.
Far from it.

But much to her surprise, he did seem to hear her this time because he pointed his glowing eye at her, his mouth in a tight line and Kiwi flinched under his intense look, already wondering whether it was such a good idea to follow him on her own.
Then again, this was Modo.
He wouldn't hurt her, now would he?
Ha.
No way.
Are you sure?

"It ain't right. This shit just ain't right. Him coming back…", the grey-furred giant growled and Kiwi held in her breath when she heard his arm cannon zooming out.
It was probably without him knowing because he didn't pay attention to it, telling the human girl it was a purely instinctive reaction to the anger that was rushing through his big body right now.
Without really realizing it, Kiwi did a step back, her body now on high alert too.
She wanted to tell him that he needed to calm down, but she somehow couldn't find the words and it confused her.
Her fear confused her.
Why was she feeling scared?
He would never do anything to hurt her… right?
No.
Not on purpose, that is.

But the truth was that he wasn't exactly himself right now and unfortunately, she knew that when someone wasn't clear in the head, things could get ugly sometimes.
Still.
This was Modo.
Her friend.
Her family.
And so, after taking a deep breath, she took a few steps in his direction again.
"Modo, please talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you. Maybe I can help you…", she said softly, her hands in her pockets because she suddenly had no idea what to do with them.
"Just let me help you…"

The grey-furred mouse suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her, his eye almost burning a hole in her skull.
"He's destroying you. Why can't you see that?", he almost spat out and Kiwi too halted.
He had never been this hostile towards her, heck, he had never been this hostile at all.
Well, not in her presence.
And it completely blew her away.
For a moment, she just stood there, staring at the grey-furred mouse that was like family to her, although she hardly recognized him right now.
But he didn't give her enough time to comprehend what was happening here, because he came into movement again.
Not just that, he practically marched towards her with a certain determination which Stoker would've been proud of.
She wasn't.
Proud.
No, she was scared.
Confused.

Again, Kiwi did a few steps back to keep some distance between her and the outraged Martian Cave Mouse, one with a heart of gold, a heart now overshadowed by rage.
"Modo, what…"
She already opened her mouth before she even knew what she wanted to say, but Modo didn't give her a chance to search for the words.
No, he came closer and closer, his strong and scarred body towering over her, thereby blocking the sun.
The shadow that came over her gave her goosebumps, and so did he.
"Did you sleep with him?", he asked, no, demanded completely out of the blue and Kiwi stared at him with her mouth wide open, blown away by this question that was asked by a raw and low voice, a sound that didn't match with his usual almost melodic tone of voice.
His lips trembled in agitation and the threat he radiated made Kiwi's heart almost stop.
This was crazy.
Even beyond that.
It was like a dream.
Or well, nightmare.
Jesus.

"Well?", Modo insisted, his eye glowing redder than red.
Kiwi swallowed with difficulty, but she managed to stand her ground.
In fact, shock got slowly replaced by something too small to call anger but too big to call annoyance.
Well, whatever it was, it gave her the strength to fight back instead of running away without looking over her shoulder because frankly, that was all she really wanted right now.
But she didn't.
Oh no, she didn't.
"That's none of your business!", she snapped at him as she put her hands on her hips, her blue eyes now fuming as well.

But Modo didn't budge either.
"Just answer the question, Kiwi", he warned her between clenched teeth and the human girl shook her head in disbelief.
"I'm not sure what has gotten into you all of a sudden, but you are crossing a line here, Modo…"
"I am crossing a line?", the grey-furred giant growled as he grabbed her by the shoulders.
"I smelled you all over him. And I wonder, have you lost your mind? After everything he did to you… I know you're a smart girl, but this… this is crazy. It ain't right. Have you forgotten what happened? How he broke you? Well, I haven't. And I'm done with standing at the sideline, to watch how he's slowly destroying you. No. No more."

As he was talking to her, his grip around her shoulders became tighter and tighter and Kiwi licked her lips before she looked up at him, straight into his burning eyes.
"Modo, you're hurting me…"
But the grey-furred giant didn't seem to hear her.
No, he was entirely caught up in this cloud of pure fury, a cloud that forced him to cross lines he had never crossed before.
This wasn't like him, at all.
It was alarming.
Disturbing, even.

"I've watched helplessly how the pain caused by him slowly consumed you, how it broke you from the inside out without mercy and to be honest, I've never seen anything that degrading, and that includes all the shit I've seen in war…"
Maybe he had a point.
But this was too much.
"Modo, please, let me go…", Kiwi breathed as the muscles in her shoulders and back screamed in protest, but he still didn't stop.
"Can't you see that you're better off without him? You were so close, so close to finding a way to live without him. Zevvi gave you back your spirit, but now he's back and you're welcoming him with open arms as if nothing ever happened. How on Mars…"

Enough.
She couldn't listen to this, not for a second longer.
Maybe because it was too confronting to hear.
Maybe.
But if she needed to be honest, it was mainly because he seemed to forget one thing.
Or perhaps he didn't forget.
Perhaps he didn't know.
And so she told him.
"I haven't forgiven him, Modo."

Her voice sounded shriller than usual, which was good because the high tone made Modo flinch and his ears twisted in response.
Guess it's safe to say that it was kind of a wake-up call because soon thereafter, her words made it to his brain and his one eye grew big, though it was still glowing red.
For a moment, nothing happened, but then he suddenly let her go as if she was on fire.
Kiwi immediately stumbled backward, rubbing her sore arms as she kept her eyes locked with his.

After a few flashes of red, his eye stopped glowing.
A blush became visible under his grey fur.
His ears drooped.
It wasn't just his anger that vanished like smoke in the wind.
It took everything with it, except for his pain.
Pain always stayed behind.
Like the smell of a rotten corpse.

"You… you haven't?", he eventually mumbled softly and his arm cannon zoomed back inside.
Kiwi shook her head in answer, still massaging the burning muscles in her arms.
"No. And I'm not sure if I will", she then added, her voice a bit husky.
Only saying this out loud gave her the sudden urge to cry again, but dammit, she was so done with shedding tears.
Modo kept looking at her, almost studying her as if he was searching for a sign that she was lying, but she knew he wouldn't find anything, for she was telling the truth and nothing but the truth.

He soon knew that as well, because shame visibly washed over him and he too did a few steps backward, probably to give her some extra space.
"I ah… I'm sorry. I was totally out of line. It's just… I dunno, there's no excuse. Great Moons of Mars, my dear old grey-furred momma would turn in her grave if she knew I treated you the way I did just now…"
His voice was back to its usual tone and Kiwi relaxed a bit.
"It's okay, Modo. I'd be lying if I said you didn't scare me because you did. But I get it. Why you're angry. I really do…"
She trailed off for a moment, searching for the right words.
"It's just… "

She had no idea how to explain this to him.
How could she explain the special but complicated bond she had with Vinnie?
She sometimes hardly understood for herself.
All she knew was that she needed him.
That without him, she wasn't whole.
Incomplete.

"You don't have to explain, like you said, it ain't my business", Modo already broke the silence again, his tail swaying back and forth in unease, but Kiwi held up her hand to stop him.
"Forget what I said. After everything we've been through together, I think it is your business…"
Without thinking, she took a few steps forward and when she was close enough, she gently took his flesh hand between her fingers.
"You're like a brother to me. You mean the world to me. You're my family. You deserve to know what is going on, but the truth is - I hardly know for myself."
While talking, she kept her gaze down, fiddling with his furry fingers.
They were so different from Vinnie's fingers.
Bigger.
Rougher.
Yet familiar.

"To answer your question - yes, I slept with him. I was just… caught up in the moment, I guess. I mean… well… you have no idea what it did to me, to see him standing there all of a sudden… with those pleading eyes… God, Modo, I just love him so much it hurts…"
Her voice broke and she fell silent again, swallowing away her tears while she was at it.
"Despite everything, I love him. So, so much…", she whispered after a short silence, her eyes still fixated on Modo's fingers.
It felt weird, to open up to him the way she did now.
Usually, she would have these kinds of conversations with Throttle.
But it felt liberating at the same time.
Different.
Different was good.

Clearly, she wasn't the only one who needed some time to get used to this, for all she got in return was a long silence.
It wasn't an awkward one, though.
But still a silence.
But eventually, after a short hesitation, the grey-furred giant pulled her into a tight hug.
"I know, Kiwi ma'am, I know…", he mumbled softly.
Feeling his arms around her, one made out of metal and one made out of flesh and bones felt strangely comforting.
Safe, even.
It wasn't the same kind of safe she felt in Vinnie's arms but it was good enough for now and she buried her nose into his sweater as she felt him breathe in to continue his explanation.
"I just want the best for you. It's the least you deserve… after everything you've been through."

Kiwi's heart broke a little when she heard him say these words.
Of course, she knew he cared for her.
Just like Throttle.
But he'd never shown it the way he did now.
It somehow made her even sadder, as far as that goes.
He needed to know the truth.
It was important to her that he knew she hadn't forgiven her beloved macho mouse.
That she didn't give in to her desire.
To that maddening craving.
All she wanted was for things to go back to normal.
But it just wasn't that simple.
It never was.
If only it was.

"I told him I need time. And I do. I do need time. The downside is that I can't just ignore his presence, not even while he probably has it coming. I truly wish I could, it would be so much healthier, but I can't. Our bond… it's special. Beyond complicated, yes, but special nevertheless. All I need from you is to trust me. To trust that I'll make the right choice, eventually. But as I said, I need time. I hope you're willing to give me that, next to your trust…", she whispered the last part before she raised her head to look at him.
Suddenly, she just wanted him to understand, so badly.
He needed to understand.

The grey-furred former soldier looked back at her, sadder than ever.
He was clearly heartbroken about everything that happened today, but behind his sadness, there was still anger simmering under the surface.
But who could blame him?
His best friend, one who was like a brother to him, had left him in a time he needed him the most.
He had every right to be mad.
But was he able to see her pain apart from his pain?
Was he able to see that he was projecting his pain on her?
Well, as it turned out, he was.
"Okay. You have my trust, as well as time. I can only hope you'll make the right decision when the time is there….", Modo eventually answered her question, but it somehow didn't sound very convincing.

But Kiwi knew why that was.
And it wasn't about her.
Not anymore.
She reached out to him and laid her hand on his cheek as she gave him a sad but reassuring smile.
"Perhaps you should take some time as well. You know, to make the right decision. We all know how scarce the universe is with second chances. So choose wisely. Don't let anger rule. It'll only end up badly. Some choices can't be reversed. Some damages can't be repaired… So please, Modo… choose with your heart."

A tear left Modo's eye and slowly rolled down his cheek, a projection of the excruciating and everlasting pain he carried with him everywhere he went.
Just like they all carried with them.
That's what war did to you.
What loss did to you.
It tears your soul apart.
Without mercy.
It was time to break the circle.
To be merciful.
The question was - were they ready for it?
To do things differently?
Only time would tell.
And time only.

…

Thirty minutes later...

Kiwi rested her elbows on the stone balustrade of her balcony and laid her head in her hands with a sigh.
Shortly after Modo had promised her to take and give some time, she had withdrawn into her room to get her head straight.
That had two reasons, actually.
One: everything that happened the last twenty-four hours was beyond overwhelming and therefore very hard to process.
Two: probably more important, she had an appointment with Zevvi later this day.

The last thing she wanted was to burden the already troubled kid.
Even though she didn't know the young girl that long, she knew her well enough to know that she was very sensitive to everything that happened around her.
She would, without a doubt, feel Kiwi's pain.
Not just that, she would make it her pain as well. And that's what Kiwi wanted to avoid at all costs.
So, here she was, giving herself some time to come back to senses.

She was still a bit shaken up by Modo's anger and the muscles in her shoulders and upper arms were still glowing from his tight grip.
But instead of being mad at Modo, what perhaps would've been a fair response, all she hoped right now was that his fiery grip hadn't caused bruises.
Bruises in the form of hands, one metal, one flesh.
It seemed a bit odd, perhaps, that this was all she could think of.
But it was with good reason.
She had no idea how to explain that to Vinnie, or Throttle for that matter.
Or how about Amira?

She didn't want to explain, to be honest.
If it was up to her, Modo's outburst stayed right where it was and that was between them.
She didn't blame him.
Oh, no.
Everyone made mistakes.
Even the do-gooders.
Still.

It was a mess alright.
A mess she wanted to forget for now, to protect Zevvi.
But how could she forget when her nostrils caught a hint of that lovely scent?
A scent that carried so many memories?
A scent that announced the presence of the mouse of the hour?
The core of her problems?
So many questions.
With only one answer.
She couldn't.

She looked over her shoulder, straight into his ruby-red eyes.
The moment she caught his gaze, a shock went through her body, as if she saw him for the first time again.
But after missing him for over more than a year, she definitely needed some time to get used to the fact that he was back.
That she wasn't alone anymore.
He was back.
Her everything.
Her home.

The sad look on his face took her off guard, somehow.
Well, actually - it wasn't the sadness.
There was something else glistening in his beautiful eyes, and she wasn't talking about the hint of insecurity, for that wasn't new to her.
The other thing was.
Something she hadn't seen in a very long time.
Hope.
It gave her a sudden urge to ask him if he was okay.
To ask him what was going on inside that complicated head of his.
To ask him if he could remember what hope was.
How it felt like.

But he beat her to it, impatient as he was, though the words that came over his lips were the last one she had expected.
Words that made this whole thing even more complicated.
"I wanna see her."
Kiwi frowned as she gave him a confused look, but he soon clarified his intentions.
"Zevvi. I wanna see her."