Hey you guys...

At first, thanks for the reviews.
Styx: also thanks for your review on Breaking The Habit, glad you like my stories so far :)

Secondly, sorry for the long wait.
Life was crazy for a while.
But things are slowly settling down again.
I can only hope that you're still with me.

Anyways, here's the next chapter.
Enjoy! :)

Chapter 26

Kiwi followed Vinnie inside the garage, her brain making overtime about all the developments that happened in this short matter of time.
Therefore, she wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings and so she didn't notice that Vinnie suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
She bumped into him and let out a soft noise in surprise, but he didn't respond.
He didn't even make a joke out of it.
Already worried about him as if he hadn't been gone for over more than a year, she peeked over his shoulder to see what took him off guard.
When her gaze landed on Stoker's bike, she immediately understood and she let out her breath almost noiselessly.
But instead of comforting him like she would've done before all this, she slipped past him and walked over to the object of his distress.
"Carbine fixed it up. She has done quite a good job", she told him while laying a hand on the left handlebar before she looked over her shoulder at the still frozen white-furred mouse.
The pain in his eyes was almost too much for her to bear and yet, she remained where she was, though it cost her a lot of her self-control.
"She gave it to me. As a gift. So I can go over to Zevvi whenever I want. Or take her for a ride, one day…"

Vinnie swallowed with difficulty before he shook his head almost invisible.
"That's unusual sweet of her", he mumbled as he walked over to his own bike, which beeped happily to greet him.
He didn't greet back, though.
He just laid his hand on the saddle as he stared down with ears hanging low, clearly deep in thought.
Kiwi watched him for a while with an aching heart, knowing she was right.
He really was beyond broken.
How did she call it?
Burned out.
It hurt her more than she liked to admit.
But she still said nothing.
She didn't walk over to him to take him in her arms.
No, she just stood there.
Feeling lost, just like him.

After what felt like an eternity, Vinnie tilted his head a bit to the left and glanced at Kiwi out of the corner of his eyes.
His burning eyes, she now saw.
Uh oh...
She knew that look.
Oh, she knew alright.
Her body did too.
It responded without hesitation.
Yet, she didn't move.
Vinnie, however, did.
And even though she already saw it coming from miles away, even though she knew what was on his mind, she still remained where she was.
She didn't stop him.
She didn't even blink.
Truth be told, he didn't give her much time either.
Because before she knew it, he was already standing in front of her.
And his arms were already around her before she could even take so much as a breath.

When he lifted her, her legs wrapped around his waist almost automatically, as if her body was programmed to do so whenever he took her in his arms.
Strangely enough, it was somehow good to know that hadn't changed.
His lips found hers effortlessly and he kissed her heatedly as he walked to one of the workbenches.
When he reached the one closest to them, he used his right arm to wipe it clean and the tools fell on the ground with loud clattering while he put her on the cold stone surface.
But Kiwi hardly heard it.
Nor did she feel the cold.
For a moment, she was completely overwhelmed by him.
His muscular body pressing against hers.
His fur tickling her face.
His scent that somehow became stronger when he was turned on…
God.
She had missed this.
So, so much.

But it felt wrong at the same time.
There was this slightly nauseating sensation swirling inside of her, though her hands were already making their way under his hoodie.
She needed to feel him.
His fur.
His muscles.
Him.
She needed to feel everything that defined him.
Him.
Vinnie…
No.

As a soft moan tickled her throat, she broke off the kiss.
"This is… I can't... I just…", she panted, her eyes still closed.
She felt his breath on her swollen lips and it was almost enough to drive her crazy.
Here she was.
Surrounded by his scent.
Covered in his warmth.
Dazed by his love.
Dammit.

It was just so easy to get carried away in this cloud of passion and love.
But this time, she didn't plan on choosing the easy way.
This time, it was the hard way that attracted her like a moth to the light.
Because this time, she would do things differently.
"This is wrong."
Her voice was clear, which was quite surprising.
But she didn't open her eyes.
She just couldn't.
She couldn't look in his eyes, his burning ruby-red eyes.
She wasn't sure if she was able to control herself if she did.
"This is wrong on so many levels…"

"I know… I know I promised to give you time, but you're… Gosh, I just can't resist you…", Vinnie whispered against her lips, for now making no attempt to let her go.
Kiwi knew he wanted to.
For her.
But he couldn't.
She swallowed with difficulty, fighting to keep her eyes closed.
She somehow wanted to make him stop, but she didn't.
God knew she couldn't either.
She just loved him too much.
Despite everything, she loved him with every piece of her damaged soul.
And it just felt so wrong.
But good at the same time.
This was most confusing.

"Kiwi… My sweet, sweet Kiwi… I love you. So, so much…", he breathed with a breaking voice, tears clearly audible in his voice.
"You have no idea how much I missed this. How much I missed you…"
Again, his voice broke and he trailed off, but she still didn't open her eyes.
She actually didn't have to.
Thanks to the restored connection, she felt his pain as hers.
God, this was beyond complicated.
"You're my everything", he whispered after a long silence before he pressed a soft kiss on the right side of her mouth with a tenderness that gave her the sudden urge to cry.
But she didn't.
Oh no, she didn't.

"Then why did you leave me?", she asked him instead, straight to the point, though with a slightly trembling voice.
After a short hesitation, she opened her eyes, bracing herself for what she was about to see.
But the sad truth was that there was nothing that could've prepared her for what she was about to see.
His pain, his agony, cut right through her soul when she looked into his eyes.
And not just because it was his pain.
It was her pain just as well.
It felt as if she was looking into a mirror.
Scary…

But again, she didn't let it stop her.
No, too much had happened for that.
Too many lines had been crossed.
"How can you say that you love me after what you did to me? How can you stand here and expect me to believe that I'm your everything? You left me. If you love me as you claim you do, you would never have left me. Not like that."

Vinnie let out his breath and his ears drooped along with it.
"I don't expect you to believe me. I wouldn't either, if I were you."
He still didn't let her go, though.
But that wasn't even the worst part.
No, the worst part was that she was glad he didn't.
And she hated herself for it.

"I deserve an explanation, Vin…", Kiwi whispered, simply because she didn't trust her voice enough to speak out loud.
"I need to know why."
"I know. And I will give you one. I will tell you everything. But not now. I need to see her first… I'm not sure why, but I just do."
He was about to let her go, she could feel it.
To create distance, in order to keep himself in check.
And indeed, he leaned forward and gave her one last kiss before he let her go.
With reluctance, that she knew.
But he still did.
The cold that replaced his warmth gave her goosebumps, but she just let it happen, for she knew it was the healthiest way to deal with this tremendously painful situation.
"Okay. If that's what you want", she nodded as she wrapped her arms around her waist, a feeble attempt to comfort herself in a way she knew only he could.

The white-furred mouse heaved a sigh as he looked at her with his eyes a bit narrowed and a frown on his beautiful face, which gave him a bit of a stern look.
But she knew it wasn't.
She knew it wasn't because he was angry.
He was simply worried, she could tell.
Well, not just worried.
He was worried about her.
Probably with good reason.
She had no idea how to handle all this.
Neither did he.
What a mess.
Love could be so cruel sometimes.
Difficult, too.
But addictive at the same time.

For a moment, she thought he was gonna tell her that he was, indeed, worried about her.
But he didn't, a thing she was grateful for, simply because she now didn't have to tell him that he should be worried.
Because he wasn't the only one who was lost.
Whose light was extinguished.
"I suggest we hit the road then", he eventually said and he turned around.
As he walked over to his bike, Kiwi rested her head against the wall and let out her breath.
This was so much harder than she thought it would be.
Goddammit.
Why the hell was life so complicated?
Why couldn't she just be happy that he was back?
Ha!
If only things were that simple.

Mounting his bike, Vinnie shot Kiwi another nervous look.
Things had never been this awkward as they were now and it was beyond heartbreaking.
"You uh… You wanna ride with me, or…?"
"No, thanks. I uh… I have my own ride n-now", Kiwi stuttered as she gestured to Stoker's bike with a heavy heart.
A hint of rejection flickered across Vinnie's face before he put on his helmet to cover it up, but he said nothing.
Of course, he didn't.
He was the one who left her, after all.
He had no right to feel rejected and he knew it.
Still.

It hurt her to the core.
That it had come to this point.
But she had to stand her ground.
She had to do everything within her power for greater autonomy.
Because that was exactly what she needed if she wanted to be a good mother to Zevvi.
No more dependence.
Not anymore.
It was time to stand on her own two feet.
Maybe she could use his tail for balance every once in a while, if she was able to forgive him, that is.
But nothing more.
No.
It was time to stop living in a fantasy.
To stop believing in happy endings.
No more fairytales.
It was time to grow up.

…

Carbine looked up from her work when she heard the door to her room slide open and her heart made a little jump when she saw Throttle walking in.
That tended to happen very often, these days.
Peace had melted her by war gone cold heart and she finally remembered what love was.
But her smile, the one that appeared on her face the moment she laid eyes on her soulmate, vanished like smoke in the wind when she saw the look on his face.
"Throttle, are you okay?", she asked worriedly, already on her way to stand up, but the tan-furred mouse now reached the table and signed to her that she could remain where she was.
And so she did.

Her brown eyes followed him every movement, how he took place across her with robotic movements, his body clearly on edge.
How his face had this strange bewildered look.
How his fur seemed to be even more untamed than it usually was, which was simply because his fur was longer than the average Martian Cave Mouse.
Even the scar on his face looked more visible than usual, which was strange, actually.
Her heart skipped another beat when she realized how lost he looked right now.
Confused.
"What's wrong, stranger? You look like you've seen a ghost."
It was kind of a stupid question because deep down, she already knew what was wrong.
It was her who had sent him to the garage, after all.

"Vinnie is back", Throttle immediately cut to the chase like he always did, a thing she always very much appreciated.
She didn't like people that beat around the bush.
She never did either.
"You don't seem happy about it."
"It's not that simple and you know it", he snapped at her, but as soon as the last word left his mouth, he already held up his hands.
"I'm sorry, it's just… I had the craziest morning ever…", he sighed as he tiredly rubbed his face.

Carbine slumped back in her chair, worried about what happened.
If even Throttle found his morning crazy, things must have been unlimitedly insane, to say the least.
After all, he and the guys had a different definition of crazy than most people had, including her.
"Should I be surprised that the building is still standing?", she asked him to lighten up the mood a bit.
It worked.
For a moment, that is.

She saw the right corner of his mouth twitch, but he then already grew serious again and placed his hands on the table.
"I guess you should be. Holy shit, Carbine, Modo almost blew his head off, it was crazy, even beyond that. I've never seen the big guy that upset, I really thought for a moment that he would do it."
"But he didn't", Carbine concluded before he did and Throttle nodded to confirm.
"He didn't. Thank everything holy that he didn't. It was a close one, though. A bit too close for my taste..."

Jesus.
He still needed some time to recover from the shock.
The whole thing still gave him goosebumps all over his body.
Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw the image of Modo holding his gun to Vinnie's head.
Whenever there was a silence, it was Vinnie's voice that echoed through his head.
"What are you waiting for, huh?! Just do it!"

While he was caught up in his thoughts for a moment, Carbine kept a close eye on him.
And after a little while, something changed on his face and he looked up at her.
Despite his glasses, she could feel his gaze almost burning a hole in her skull and she already knew what was next.
It was a fair question though.
More than fair, actually.
"You knew. You knew he would come back. How?"

The tone of his voice was one she hadn't heard before and it took her off guard, to be honest.
Still, she decided to just answer the question.
Or well, she tried to answer the question.
But just when she opened her mouth, the door slid open again.
And even before she, or Throttle for that matter, had the chance to see who came in, a cold and low voice filled the room with its vicious tones.
"Is it true?"

Carbine's gaze landed on Harley, who marched to the table with a face like thunder.
Talk about bad timing.
"Harley, you can't just barge in here, I was talking to…"
But Harley didn't let her finish that sentence.
"Is it true?", she repeated, her voice even more compelling than the first time she asked and she came to a halt close to the table, clenching and unclenching her fists in anger.
Again, Carbine opened her mouth, but Throttle beat her to it.
"Yes. It's true."

Harley now pointed her piercing blue eyes at him and her lips trembled in agitation.
"Where is he?"
Throttle pulled a face as he got upright in his chair.
"Harley, you need to…"
"Where... is... he?!", the light-brown-furred female hissed through clenched teeth and Carbine subconsciously braced herself to intervene, knowing that Harley was close to her breaking point.
Which was hardly even surprising.

She always had a little temper and the experiences she had in life didn't exactly help, which was, in turn, totally understandable.
Still.
It was highly inconvenient at the same time.
The last thing they needed right now was Harley on a warpath.
"He's… out", Throttle eventually answered a bit vaguely on purpose, hoping that Harley would let it go, but of course, she didn't.
He didn't even know why he thought she would in the first place.
Ah well.
A little hope never killed anyone.
Right…
Someone should tell Stoker that.

Harley almost exploded out of her fur, clearly fighting to control herself, which seemed to be very hard.
"Stop talking in riddles and answer the goddamn question, Throttle. I'm not in the mood for games."
Throttle shared a quick look with Carbine, who nodded to encourage him.
After all, she had no idea where that loudmouth was at this very moment.
Throttle did.
And so he told them.
"He's with Kiwi. They're on their way to see Zevvi."

Harley froze and the anger on her face got replaced by surprise.
"He's with… sorry, say what now?", she asked, her voice now high because of shock.
Hm.
Maybe that wasn't exactly a smart move to make.
Telling her that he was with Kiwi.
Kiwi was her best friend, after all.
And Throttle knew she hated Vinnie for what he did to her best friend.
Maybe the truth wasn't always the right remedy after all.
Then again, lies were even worse.
They were like poison.
They've had enough poison in their life.
And so he stuck with the truth.
"You heard me."
"Did you know about this? Him coming back?"
"Not until this morning, no. Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are right now."

Harley blinked a few times before she looked at Carbine, her hands already clenched into fists again.
"And you?"
Carbine shook her head.
"Only that there was a chance that he would come back, but I never thought he actually would. I didn't think he had the balls, but apparently, he has, so truth be told — I'm almost as surprised as you both are."
"And you never thought of giving us a heads up or something like that?", the other female asked, fuming with anger.
But Carbine didn't budge.
"I didn't wanna give you guys hope. False hope is the worst thing you can give to one another."

"She's right", Throttle quickly intervened when Harley opened her mouth again to protest or whatever she was planning on doing.
"False hope is like poison…-"
The tan-furred mouse slowly turned his head to look Carbine straight in the eye.
"-...and so are lies."
The message was loud and clear.
He was upset.
They were both upset.
With good reason.
But they seemed to forget about one thing.
And that was that all this wasn't her fault.
The time had come to tell them that.

"Harley, sit dow…- no, sit!", Carbine snapped at the other female when she saw she was about to protest again, already feeling like her old cold self again, even if it was only for a moment.
But right now, she didn't care.
All she cared about was telling these two to her important people that she wasn't part of some crazy conspiracy or whatever they thought right now.
"You guys act like I'm the bad guy here, but I'm not. So… please. Sit down and let me explain what happened."

Harley studied her face with narrowed eyes, but then raised both hands and dropped on the chair next to Throttle.
"Fine. Spill it."
Carbine gave her a small nod to thank her for her cooperation and then looked back at Throttle.
"I never lied to you. I never would. But this… I just didn't have the heart to tell you, because what if Denver was wrong?"
"Who is Denver?", Harley asked at the same time Throttle asked another question.
"What did Denver tell you?"

The light-grey-furred female looked at Harley first.
"Denver is leading the Special Ops Team under my command. We have daily briefings. And he told me what happened with Vinnie after Kiwi called him to tell about Zevvi", she added then to answer Throttle's question.
"And what happened with Vinnie after Kiwi called him?", Harley asked grumpily as she folded her arms, her tail ticking against her chair.
"Well, he was clearly upset about it. Vinnie, not Denver. Although Denver wasn't happy either. Vinnie was one of his best soldiers. And after that call, there was nothing left of it. He blew up two missions, literally, of course, I mean, you know Vinnie. Denver took him apart to talk and after a, from what I heard, long and difficult conversation, Vinnie just went to bed like he always did. It was the day after that they discovered he was gone. And so were his things."

"He just packed in the middle of the night and left?", Throttle asked a bit baffled.
"Why are you acting so surprised? I mean, isn't that kind of his trademark these days?", Harley snapped at him, not understanding Throttle's confusion.
The tan-furred mouse sighed and his ears drooped.
"Yeah, I guess you're right…"
"Anyway, Denver called me the moment they found out and told me there could be a chance that he would return to the base. It was a long shot, but it was a possibility…"

Carbine looked at Throttle before she continued.
"That's why I didn't tell you. Like I said, it was a long shot. I mean, what if he wasn't coming back? What if I had given you hope for nothing? Then what?"
"But you sent me to the garage this morning. Why now?"
"Because Denver did some math. And, as it turns out, he had it right."
Throttle gave her another confused look and it somehow cut right through her soul.
Maybe she did it wrong.
Maybe she should've told him.

"You're avoiding my question, Carbine. Why did you send me to the garage this morning? What made you change your mind?"

Carbine heaved a sigh as she rubbed her stinging eyes.
"Because I just couldn't stand the look on your face. To see you in pain is killing me, Throttle. And I know you're in pain. A lot. I figured you could use a stroke of luck, even if it was a fragile one. I knew that despite everything, you just wanted him to come home."
A silence followed and both Throttle and Harley needed some time to process this.
Carbine studied her nails, somehow nervous for Throttle's response.
She had acted on his behalf.
She could only hope he would understand.
Luckily, he didn't disappoint her.
Because suddenly, she felt something wrapping around her ankle, something she knew was his tail.
When she looked up a bit surprised, he gave her a soothing smile, telling her that it was okay and she let out her breath as her body relaxed.

Unfortunately, Harley was a different story.
"So what, you guys are now okay with what he did? Have you forgotten how much pain he's caused?", the female asked with a slightly disgusted look on her face.
"Do I need to remind you of what he did to Kiwi?"
Throttle gave Carbine one last reassuring smile before his eyes darted to Harley.
"No. I haven't forgotten. So no, you don't need to remind me. I know exactly what he did. And trust me when I say he needs to try really hard to earn my trust again. But despite everything, yes. I'm glad he's back. At least one of them came back."

"Don't use him to win an argument", Harley warned him when she realized he was talking about Stoker.
"That's crossing a line."
Throttle shook his head in disbelief.
"Oh, come on, as if I care about winning an argument. I'm just telling you what it's like for me. How you wanna handle things, by all means, suit yourself. Everyone deals with things differently."
Harley snorted when she heard him say these words.
Oh, she would deal with it alright.
In her own way.

It was as if Throttle could read her mind or at least guess a few of her thoughts because he suddenly leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees, trying to catch her gaze while she, in turn, avoided his like a pro.
"But you can't punish him for what he did to Kiwi. That's up to her, and you know it."
Goddammit.
What was it with Throttle always being right?
It was beyond tiring.
Still.
"Someone needs to do it. I mean, from what I hear, everyone is welcoming him with open arms. He doesn't deserve that. Not after what he did."
"Not everyone. Modo sure as hell didn't. Kiwi didn't either…"
"I think we should give him a chance", Carbine interrupted the conversation and another silence followed as both Harley and Throttle stared at her with jaws on their knees.

"I can't believe that is actually coming out of your mouth. You hate him", Harley eventually broke the silence again, her piercing eyes narrowed.
"I don't hate him, I just don't like him. But that's not why I said that."
"Then why on Mars should we give him a chance?"
"Because we will lose him for good if we don't, am I right?", Throttle answered before Carbine could and the latter rose on her feet and walked to the window.
"You're right. Denver told me about their conversation. It was… disturbing, to say the least, or well, according to Denver…"
She trailed off and stared at the vast plain that was the Martian desert before she turned around to look at Harley.
"The guy is broken, Harley. Even Denver didn't deny it and he's one of those rare obnoxious optimists. Him coming here is nothing more than an attempt to find redemption. What will happen if we don't give him that, huh? If I may speak for myself, I can't bear any more blood on my conscience. There's already enough for a lifetime because of that goddamn war."

"She's right, Harley. I know it's hard, but she's right. If we reject him now, we'll lose him for good", Throttle said softly when Harley's blue eyes filled with tears by hearing Cabine's words.
What he didn't know was that it weren't tears of sadness.
No, it were tears of pure fury.
Well, he found out soon enough.
Because right after the last words left his mouth, Harley jumped up and the chair fell on the floor with a loud bang, making both Throttle and Carbine flinch.
"Don't tell me anything about being broken. I am broken as well, remember? Even beyond that. You guys have no idea what I've been through, but you don't see me using it as an excuse to hurt the people around me. I'll be damned if I welcome him with open arms after what he did to Kiwi. I simply refuse it!"
The Martian female slammed her fist on the table to strengthen her words as she looked at them with eyes burning with rage.
"Let him run away. And let him stay away this time. I couldn't care less. He doesn't belong here, not anymore. He's dead to me. And he should be for you two as well!"

Throttle took off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose, trying very hard to remain calm.
But the truth was, Harley's words cut right through his soul.
He somehow could understand where she was coming from, but come on.
One does not banish family that easily, especially not in their culture.
It just wasn't how things were done here.
After putting his glasses back on his nose, he looked at the outraged female mouse, feeling a pang of sadness when he saw how upset she was.
What a mess.
Peace was great.
But still painful.
So goddamn painful.

"If you don't wanna do it for yourself, then do it for Kiwi. She needs him, whether we like it or not. If we chase him away now, it will destroy Kiwi. And I can't bear to witness her fade away like that again."
When Harley opened her mouth, the tan-furred mouse quickly continued, knowing he needed to be a little bit more persuasive.
Or maybe even better said; more open-hearted.
"But if that doesn't work, then do it for me. He's my bro, Harley. Despite everything, he still is. I can't lose him again. Not after losing Stoker. I simply can't bear it. Not anymore. I never thought I'd say this but I'm at the end of my rope. I need him, same as Kiwi. So, please… just give him a chance."
"And let's not forget about Zevvi. She's a key player here. We all think she's able to help them bind again. Or at least to help them heal a bit", Carbine added softly, leaning on the windowsill as she looked at her friend with worry written upon her face.
Worry because of having no control whatsoever.
Things were about to spin out of control faster than a speeding bullet and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Or maybe there was still a chance...

Silence descended upon them like a blanket.
It somehow felt comforting.
Warm.
It was, however, rather short-lived.
Because Harley shook her head with clenched teeth, thereby breaking the spell while silent tears streamed down her face.
"No. I can't. And I won't. Once he's back, I will give him hell and nobody, and with that I mean absolutely nobody, will be able to stop me. So I suggest you don't even try. Things will only get ugly if you do."

And without waiting for a response, she turned around and marched out of the room.
When the door closed behind her, Throttle let out his breath and looked at Carbine with a frown on his face.
"This is going to be a total disaster…"
Carbine nodded defeated.
"Yup. A complete catastrophe."
And that, my friends, was the truth and nothing but the truth, no matter how painful.

…

As they made their way through the desert, Vinnie glanced at his right and his heart made a little jump when he saw Kiwi riding Stoker's bike.
It wasn't just because he was happy to see her every time he laid eyes on her, which was perhaps a bit confusing after everything that happened yet familiar.
But seeing her on Stoker's bike made it even more complicated.
The guilt was almost too much to bear by seeing Stoker's bike alone, but then, to top it all off, there was Kiwi.
His beloved human with her big and beautiful blue eyes filled with pain.
Pain he had caused.
Goddammit.
He shouldn't have come back.

Of course, he knew he had broken her heart.
He knew from the moment he looked into her eyes one last time before he drove away without looking back that he had shattered her heart into a million pieces.
The look on her face had haunted him in his dreams, many, many times.
Still.
To see it in real life, that was just a whole other story.
Again, he was confronted with his failure every second of the day.
And the urge to run away again was almost overwhelming.

But so far, he managed to fight it.
To stay put.
Because there was another urge present.
One a bit more well hidden and totally new to him, but it was there.
An urge to settle down.
Not just that, but to settle down with Kiwi.
It was crazy how much he loved her and he wondered how he had been able to leave her behind last year.
Well, he knew why.
That awful feeling of restlessness.
The guilt.
Being useless.
Demons.

He truly meant what he said.
She deserved so much better than him.
If only he had the strength to stay away from her.
He tried.
For a year, he tried.
But the moment he heard her voice over the radio, he was lost again.
Drowning in his love for her.
But if he had to be completely honest, it wasn't just that.
It was also the news she told him.
That Mireya had a daughter.
That they found her.
Zevvi.

A little girl, lost in this cruel and vindictive world.
All alone.
Family.
She was his family.
His blood.
He couldn't just get past that.
He tried, though.
Of course, he tried.
He managed to keep it up for a few days, as if it all never happened.
As if he didn't know about her existence.
But the seed had been planted and it distracted him more than he liked to admit.
And after two missions painfully gone wrong, he couldn't deny it any longer.
He just wanted to go home.
He wanted to be there for the ones he loved.
He wanted to make up for his mistakes.
He wanted to be with his family.

Of course, at first, he had been too stubborn to actually admit it, even to himself.
But then there was Denver, who took him apart for a talk that changed everything.
Or well, maybe he just gave him the confirmation he so desperately needed, back then.
Love.
Love was the key.
Right.
Perhaps it was, but it didn't make things easier.
On the contrary, actually.
But here he was.
On his way to meet Zevvi.
Shit, he was nervous.
Even beyond that.
What if she didn't like him?
What if she felt that he was a bad person?
Because he was.
He was a bad person.
Toxic for his surroundings.
So maybe he was being selfish here.

Because deep down, he knew he needed to stay away from everyone.
All he did was bring bad luck to everyone he loved.
But dammit, he couldn't stay away.
Not anymore.
He needed them.
All of them.
Perhaps there was more than just war.
Love.
Love was the key.
So was freedom.
Too bad that it was downright scary at the same time, goddammit.

Freedom can be frightening if you never felt it.

"We're here", Kiwi's voice broke him out of his thoughts and when his gaze landed on the big house in front of them, his heartbeat increased even more, as far as that goes.
Dammit, his heart already almost exploded out of his chest and he wasn't even inside yet.
Without really noticing it, he slowed down, his hands sweaty.
He couldn't do this.
This was too much.
What if she didn't like him?
Rejection.
One of his biggest fears.

Goddammit, he was such a pussy.
What happened to the badass soldier he used to be?
He was only home for one day and he already knew so well why he had left in the first place.
Useless.
Fucking useless.
Not just him.
Everything.
Everything was so goddamn pointless.
Life.
What a joy.
What a ride.
Ugh.
It was a nightmare, that's what it was.
A never-ending nightmare.

A warm hand on his arm snapped him out of his downward spiral of hopelessness, a thing he was grateful for, even though reality was even harder.
"It'll be okay, Vin."
"Will it ever be? Okay?", he breathed as they both came to a halt in front of the house.
"I think it will. One day…", Kiwi sighed and he looked at her a bit surprised.
Something was different.
She was different, he now realized.
Despite her pain, she seemed… stronger.
As if she had something to live for and it wasn't him.
That was probably supposed to hurt him, but strangely enough, it didn't.
It gave him some room to breathe, to be honest.
He looked back at the house, feeling a whirlwind of emotions going through his body.
Maybe there was hope after all...

"I'm scared", he blurted out without thinking as he kept his gaze focused on the impressive house.
It was nothing like him to admit that out loud.
But he just did.
And it felt liberating.
"I know you are. I am too", the human girl whispered as she took his hand in hers.
And for a moment, they just sat there on their bikes.
Staring at the house that contained the future.
Both scared to move on.
Scared to let go of the past because it was the past that defined them.
At the same time, it was the future that determined the path they walked.
And here they were.
Broken.
Burned out.
But not defeated.
No.
Definitely not defeated.

So, next chapter: Vinnie and Zevvi finally meet.
Wonder how that goes... ;)

And oh, boy, Harley's pissed!
What will she do when she sees Vinnie?
And what will that, in turn, do to Kiwi?
Let's just wait and see.

Thanks for reading my story.
Please leave a review if you got some time to spare, I'm dying to hear your opinion, good or bad.
As long as it's respectful, I'm good.

Till next time, guys, hopefully a bit sooner but I can't make any promises, unfortunately.
Just know that I do my best.

Later!