Hiya, guys!
Hope you're all doing well in these crazy times we currently live in.
At first, like always, thank you so much for the reviews.
I just can't say it enough.
I wish there were more words to express my gratitude.
But I guess 'thanks' will have to do it.
That being said...
Next chapter.
Gosh, I hope you like it.
That I'm able to live up to your expectations.
I mean, it's a key moment in the story, this meeting.
I'm kind of nervous to put it online.
Nervous to let you down or something like that.
But it's exactly how I pictured it in my head, so I guess that's what matters the most.
Well, I'll leave you guys to it.
Enjoy! ^^
Chapter 28
'Wandering child, so lost, so helpless…
Yearning for my guidance…'
It wasn't how he had pictured it.
Not even close.
To say that it was even better was, perhaps, not the right way to describe it.
Maybe there was no right way to describe it.
All Vinnie knew was that from the moment his gaze landed on the small and fragile-looking child standing in front of him, the world just stopped spinning.
Like the floor fell from underneath his feet.
Like he fell into a black hole.
"Zevvi has her eyes."
Perhaps Abigail told him that to prepare him, which had failed miserably, that just became painfully clear.
Thinking back at that moment, that moment he was staring at Mireya's picture with a heart aching with guilt and grief, the same thought popped up in his head.
'There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance…
To look into your eyes and see you looking back…'
If there was something more out there, something called destiny, it had definitely heard him, for she had, indeed, Mireya's eyes.
And she looked back at him with those same eyes.
Big.
Clear.
Storytelling.
All just like her mother's.
It was like a memory replayed in present time.
It cost him nothing to read them.
To read the stories that lay within the ruby-red flames.
Stories that made his heart ache even more, a thing he never thought possible.
Stories that weren't meant to be read in the eyes of a child.
But instead of the usual anger he always felt when he, once again, realized how many lives the Plutarkians had destroyed, he now only felt an irresistible, almost compelling urge to protect her.
To take her by the hand to never let go, ever again.
To break her fall when needed or to pick her up off the ground if he unexpectedly failed to do the first.
It was a feeling he had never felt before, not even when he met Kiwi.
And it completely blew him away.
For a while, they both just stood there, staring at each other.
Or maybe that didn't really cover it.
Maybe that sounded too… insignificant.
Too simple.
It was more like they were reading each other, in a language both Kiwi and Abigail didn't understand.
Both caught in this isolating bubble that brought past and present together.
Zevvi with her head in her neck, her little hand holding Kiwi's hand in a tight grip for support, both mentally and physically.
Vinnie completely motionless, a thing that didn't happen that often.
Or well, scratch often.
It never happened.
There was always something moving.
The tip of a tail.
An ear.
White-furred fingers, tapping on something.
Lips, constantly moving to let out streams of words.
But not now.
Of course, this fact didn't go unnoticed.
Not knowing if it was a good or a bad thing, Kiwi gave Abigail a questionable, perhaps even pleading look.
Watching them, she suddenly felt this fear, this nagging fear that letting these two meet so suddenly was a stupid move.
That it would traumatize them both even more, as far as possible.
Both not capable of progressing the other one's existence.
That it would hurt them instead of helping them.
That the past was just too painful to face, for that was obviously happening right now.
But Abigail shook her head with a reassuring smile, eyes twinkling, thereby telling Kiwi not to intervene.
To just let things go as they go.
Knowing Abigail was kind of the expert here, Kiwi swallowed with difficulty as her gaze wandered back to the touchy family reunion that was so hard to witness at the same time.
The pain in Vinnie's eyes said it all, so did the strength with which Zevvi held her hand.
But she did nothing.
She said nothing.
She didn't even blink.
This was her letting things go as they go.
It was kind of hard for her, being the control freak she sometimes was.
But she did it anyway.
With butterflies in her stomach, yes.
With her heart almost exploding out of her chest, double yes.
There was just so much depending on this moment that it was almost impossible to let it go.
To not take over the reins.
But maybe the importance of their meeting was reason enough to let destiny do its job.
Forcing things that weren't meant to be in the first place never really worked, that she knew.
Maybe they did, for a while.
But it all goes to shit, if not today, then certainly later on.
And so, she placed her fate, their fate, in the hands of where it belonged.
Destiny.
Meanwhile, Vinnie was slowly recovering from the initial shock, the shock of seeing this child that was like a copy of Mireya but so much more at the same time.
A little person, with a mind of her own, with flaws and virtues, with a heart beating for herself…
As instinct took over, Vinnie went down on his knees, slowly and carefully.
The last thing he wanted was to scare her.
But she just followed him with her big eyes, clearly just as curious as he was.
Feeling the same urge he felt, the urge to get to know each other.
Thoroughly.
Like Vinnie knew his sister.
Like Zevvi knew her mother.
"You look so much like her... ", he whispered as he reached out his hand, again with care and precision, which was highly unlikely for him.
But wild and unpredictable moves were out of place, even he knew that.
Or maybe his instinct did.
Either way, it worked and before he knew it, he already carefully took a brand of her soft hair between his fingers.
The feeling alone was enough to give him goosebumps all over his body, for it was just so painfully familiar.
Growing up, he'd brushed his sister's hair, many many times.
Before puberty hit, that is.
After that, he suddenly felt -quote- 'too cool' to do something 'uncool' like brushing hair.
And yes, his repertoire still needed a lot of work back then.
But he had never forgotten how it always made her feel.
So calm and relaxed.
Safe and loved, or so she told him.
Although he had never said it out loud, it had the same effect on him.
As it did now.
So… strange.
Strange yet familiar.
As if he had gone back in time.
Meanwhile, Zevvi studied his face with a precision he knew all too well.
Not a detail skipped her keen eye, and so it wasn't really surprising when she reached out and let her fingertips carefully touch the mask on his face.
"What happened to you?", she asked with a small voice, sadness and even worse, empathy, readable in her eyes.
Vinnie swallowed with difficulty and for a moment, the spell was broken.
Somewhere, deep down, a small bell went off, ringing louder and louder to draw his attention.
A bell telling him that even though the question wasn't really surprising, it was rather strange, to say the least.
Not the kind of question one would expect to get at the first meeting, but then again, it wasn't like he was an expert when it came to children.
Ha!
Not even close.
Still.
It was… peculiar, to say the least.
Unfortunately, before his overstimulated brain could connect the dots, the nerves came back just as quickly as they left, but now twice as strong and so, the bell stopped ringing to be forgotten soon thereafter.
When he looked at his hand, the one that was still holding Zevvi's hair, he saw that it was shaking again and he almost pulled it back as if flames licked his fingers.
Thankfully, he still had the presence of mind to remember that a movement so sudden could scare her.
He still pulled it back though.
And while he did, his red eyes darted up, searching for blue ones.
Searching for guidance.
He had no idea what to do.
No idea what to say.
He was so not good at this.
Children…
He didn't even like children.
Kiwi met his gaze already halfway, and when he saw the warmth and love on her face, he instantly calmed down again.
How could he not?
It had been a while.
That she looked at him this way.
A look that told him that even if the world would stop spinning, she would be there, still standing.
Perhaps she wouldn't even care.
As long as she had him, she could handle anything.
And therefore, so could he.
Maybe there was hope after all.
Hope for them.
Still feeling a bit insecure, he looked back at Zevvi, who was patiently waiting for him to answer the question, which kind of surprised him, for patience was a less common character trait in the Van Wham family.
Again, looking into her eyes, like he was looking into a mirror, brought him off guard, but he still managed to answer the question.
To tell her a fragment of the truth.
"I had a little accident, once. Left a few scars…"
He trailed off again, searching for words.
Words thoroughly hidden.
Maybe he needed to diffuse the tension a bit.
He sure as hell could use the distraction, if only for a few seconds.
And so, he gave her a conspiratorial look as he leaned a bit forward, still honoring her personal space while he was at it.
"Hey… can you keep a secret?"
Zevvi's face lit up a bit, so did her eyes and she nodded with force, making her ears flap against both sides of her head.
Vinnie smiled open-heartedly as he gestured to her to get a bit closer, which she did, much to his surprise.
She somehow seemed to trust him.
Why though?
"I actually wear it because it makes me look like a total badass", he whispered in her ear with his hand next to his mouth.
When he straightened his back again, he winked at her with a reassuring yet a bit mischievous smile on his face.
"Don't tell anyone. No one can know my secret. Only you can."
She didn't laugh.
Or well, not really.
Her eyes twinkled for a moment.
Maybe the left corner of her mouth twitched a bit.
But most of all, she looked back at him with a seriousness he had never seen on a child's face, her earlier enthusiasm already slipped away again.
"I won't tell. Never. Your secret is safe with me", she told him almost solemnly, her voice matching her facial expression.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Vinnie felt sadness washing over him again by only looking at her.
What happened to her that made her this… not child-like?
All he saw when he looked into her eyes was a broken soul.
Wandering.
Searching for guidance.
Another look into the mirror.
Dammit.
He should've been there for her.
For her mother.
Gosh, this was all his fault.
He could've saved them.
Both of them.
But he hadn't.
And now all he had left was an apology.
A meaningless, hollow apology, considering the things this little girl had lost.
"Zevvi, I…", he started, plagued by guilt and grief.
Determined to tell her who he was.
That he wasn't just some stranger passing by.
That if it was up to him, she wasn't alone anymore.
But most of all, she needed to know how sorry he was.
About everything.
But, strangely enough, she beat him to it by coming into movement.
She even let go of Kiwi's hand and closed the gap between them, also having determination written upon her innocent young face.
Vinnie, surprised by this sudden movement, closed his mouth and watched her silently as she came closer.
How she reached out her little hands.
The warmth he felt when she placed them on his cheeks made his body tremble, but not of fear.
No, it felt strangely comforting.
Her words, however, were shocking, to say the least.
Or maybe that was an understatement.
They actually had about the same intensity as a meteorite strike and not even that was able to cover the load.
"It's not your fault. She made me promise to tell you that."
Wham.
Just like that.
At least she was living up to the family name.
Not that anyone had the presence of mind to tell her that.
In fact, they weren't able to tell her anything, at all.
Not even a single word.
All that followed was a deafening silence.
A silence not only used by Vinnie to let the words sink into their brain.
Kiwi stared at the two white-furred mice in front of her, her mouth dropped along with her heart and stomach.
"She made me promise to tell you that."
Holy shit.
Holyshit times ten.
She knew him.
She knew who he was.
Zevvi knew Vinnie.
Or so it seemed.
Well, she knew about his existence, that just became clear.
How was that even possible?
This was crazy.
Yet so… logical.
Maybe the crazy part was that it somehow made sense.
Kiwi had no idea why, but it just did.
At the same time, it raised about a thousand questions, but there was one in particular buzzing through her head, over and over again.
Why didn't Zevvi ever mention him before?
Without thinking, her blue eyes darted over to Abigail, for a moment lost about what to do.
About what to say.
But despite the shock that was readable in her green eyes, confirming that not even she had known about this, the blondish-furred mouse gave her another warm and reassuring smile.
Her way of telling the human girl, again, that it was still not the time to intervene.
That it wasn't the time to ask questions, no matter how burning they were.
Or, at least, not for them.
For Vinnie, however, it was.
Kiwi knew.
This was their moment.
And their moment alone.
While Kiwi was processing the shock that came with this discovery, Vinnie was already a step ahead of her.
Although the words were still missing, which wasn't really strange given the current circumstances, he seemed to have found back his voice.
Or, at least, something that came close to it.
"She… she made you… what? You know who I am?", he stuttered, still highly confused, for he was absolutely positive that he had never met this child that was his niece.
He didn't even know she existed, not until Kiwi had called him, that day.
But Zevvi nodded as she looked him in the eye, with, again, that way too serious look on her face, a look that seemed to define her.
She still had her hands resting on his cheeks, as if she needed to feel him every second to convince herself that this was real.
Maybe she did.
Although she seemed to know who this caring yet troubled mouse was, seeing him obviously confused her as well.
Vinnie swallowed with difficulty, but he didn't break eye contact.
Not even for a second.
Or a tenth of a second.
Or a tenth of a tenth of a second.
Even if he wanted to, which he didn't, he couldn't.
He needed to see her eyes.
He couldn't stop looking into her eyes.
Reading them.
Telling him she wasn't lying.
"Zevvi has her eyes."
After a short hesitation that felt eternally long in his head, he lifted his right hand to brush the back of Zevvi's hand that was still resting in his cheek with only his fingertips.
He still didn't want to scare her, but he somehow needed the physical touch just as much as she did.
Somehow, only looking into her eyes wasn't enough.
"How?", he asked, his voice low and raw thanks to the pain that was squeezing his throat, almost strangling him.
An entire tsunami of emotions was threatening to overwhelm him, but he fought it back with everything he had in him.
He needed answers, not tears.
Answers helped.
Tears didn't.
They never did.
So why would today be any different?
Zevvi slightly cocked her head with ears twitching as her gaze wandered over his face to eventually land on his mask.
A sad frown appeared on her face as she studied the strange metal for a moment, obviously looking for words as well.
"You suck at talking."
Without warning, Throttle's voice echoed through Vinnie's head and he almost smiled when he realized that patience wasn't the only thing lacking in the Van Wham's genes.
But the urge to smile vanished just as quickly as it came, for he already remembered why Throttle had said that.
Even though Zevvi hadn't been there when they had this conversation, she seemed to realize the same thing at the same time.
Her eyes darted back up and determinedly locked with his as a sudden yet familiar soft red light illuminated her black and white hair, making it look even more beautiful.
"Let me show you."
He wanted to say no.
He wanted to stop her.
To tell her he wasn't ready.
He would never be ready to face the consequences of his absence in that part of his sister's life.
To watch Zevvi's memories of her.
Memories he wasn't part of as it should've been.
Memories that would confirm what he already knew but tried so hard to deny.
Seeing it would make it real.
Tangible.
Failure...
He was already taken down by the guilt and the restlessness that came with being useless and irresponsible, which was only the tip of the iceberg of pain and grief that defined his life nowadays.
There was no way that he was able to bear any more of it.
No more.
It was just too much.
He was the guy that ran away when things got tough, just like Modo so kindly spelled out for him this morning and oh boy, his feet were itching to get the hell out of here.
But he didn't do any of that.
He wasn't sure why he didn't, for this was his usual MO.
Just not today.
No, today he did things differently.
For her.
Live and learn.
And so, he activated his antennas as well, making the until now soft red light even brighter which in turn made Zevvi look more beautiful as ever.
Shit.
She really did look like her.
Mireya.
His sister.
His best friend.
After blinking almost in slow motion, he gave his niece a small nod, telling her he was ready, which was a lie, of course.
But this wasn't about him.
This was about her.
It was all about her.
He knew now.
She was his redemption.
With his heart pounding in his throat, he watched Zevvi closing her eyes before she tilted her head.
No hesitation.
Jesus, the kid was even braver than he was.
He could only respect that.
And condemning himself while he was at it.
What a mess he was.
When her antennas touched his, he felt the familiar electric shock going through his brain, telling him she was waiting for his permission.
Like she was knocking on his door.
All he had to do was let her in.
So simple.
Yet so… difficult.
Still, after letting out his breath, he too closed his eyes and opened the so-called door to the shithole that was his mind.
At first, there was only darkness.
Only silence.
Nothingness.
It wasn't alarming.
Quite the opposite, actually.
It was all part of the process.
He knew, for this wasn't his first Mind Walk.
He even took some classes, back in the days.
So he knew that making the connection always took some time.
It was, again, like tuning a radio, searching for the right frequency without too much static.
If he had to be honest, it was this part of Mind Walking he liked the most and the reason why he had taken these -quite boring- classes in the first place.
It wasn't only light and sound that vanished into nothingness.
Emotions did too.
For a moment, there was just… nothing.
And not the scary and elusive 'nothing' that belonged to death.
No, just soothing, silent darkness.
No voices in his head.
No grief.
No anger.
No anxiety.
No heart that was slowly falling apart.
No wandering soul, searching for a place to belong.
No.
Peace.
Unfortunately for him, it didn't last very long.
It never really did, but this time, the connection was made almost faster than a speeding bullet.
Even though he already saw it coming, for Zevvi was his family and therefore they had about the same frequency, it was still a bit disappointing when the first sounds of her memories echoed through the soothing silence.
Soon thereafter, the first lights of blurry images danced through the peaceful darkness.
Knowing he hadn't much time, Vinnie concentrated as far as his restless brain let him to place a so-called block, one that made the path they now shared in their head a one-way street.
It wasn't that he shut her out because he didn't trust her.
It wasn't even because he usually never gave himself to anyone, or at least, not entirely.
There was always that dark part of his soul that he kept to himself, scared to be rejected or even judged when someone would see who he really was.
There were only a few who knew this part, who had met his demons and they were all gone.
Except for Kiwi, that is.
It made her more than just special.
But it really wasn't about that.
Not this time.
This time, it was all to protect Zevvi instead of himself.
There was just so much disturbing shit trapped inside his maddening and fucked up mind, shit he didn't want her to see.
Like the image of the lifeless and heavily mutilated body of her mother, for instance.
No.
That was his burden and his alone.
He would rather be dead than show it to her.
To anyone, actually.
Luckily, he managed to place the block right before he got sucked into her head.
Right before the movie of the images she wanted to show him began.
To let him relive important and indicative moments of her life with everything that came with it and with everything, he meant everything.
Every feeling.
Every mood.
Every heartbreak.
Everything.
Truth be told, it scared the shit out of him.
And yet here he was, still not running.
Children…
He didn't even like children.
But this one…
This one he liked.
And although nothing was ever certain in life, he was absolutely positive about one thing.
This one was definitely worth fighting for.
'I wanna heal.
I wanna feel.
What I thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long.
I wanna heal.
I wanna feel.
Like I'm close to something real.
I wanna find something I've wanted all along.
Somewhere I belong…'
Sorry.
Another cliffhanger.
Or well, sort of.
But I just had to cut the chapter in half, just like the previous one.
I don't want to upload chapters around 10.000 words, not unless I have to, that is.
Details get lost in the huge amount of words, details that matter to me.
Like spelling errors and stuff.
I know they're still there, even in the shorter chapters, I mean, I'm far from perfect, but still.
Short chapters are more manageable.
Next to that, I wanted the Mind Walk to be in one chapter.
Without interuptions.
Yes, I've already written a big part of the next chapter.
So I guess that's good news.
The other two stories need a bit more time, unfortunately.
I'm doing the best I can, but life is a bit crazy at the moment.
Either way, thanks for reading my story.
Hope you liked the chapter.
I would appreciate it if you guys let me know what you think.
Always trying to improve and it keeps me motivated.
Till next time, my friends.
Later!