Hey finally part 4 :D Short explanation to those who forgot, or didn't know: Ma Falon means my friend in Elven ;)
Part 4 - Confessions
The sand was literally everywhere. Her shoes, her trousers, her smalls, damn void even in her teeth. Cassandra hated this place as soon as they had arrived. Her gaze would frequently fall onto the woman leading the party beside her. The woman they had chosen to be their Inquisitor seemed to be deep in thought since they had left, a frown on her face, chewing on her lower lip vehemently every now and then. This lasted until they stumbled over the first Venatori.
Cassandra knew that the Lady Trevelyan was comparable to a quiet pond, but most didn't really fathom how deep it went. Her hands had been clenching and unclenching for a while, but as soon as she had sighted their enemies, they had crackled with lightning, eyes getting this eerie green shimmer she had noticed after the Herald had started to look further in Rift magic aside from her Knight-Enchanter training. An endeavour that had the Seeker a little worried, since it was still a very new concept to magic that had cost many people their life and mind since the appearance of the Breach. Especially that cross-eyed delegate they had sent to teach her its specifics had Cassandra's hair stand on end. This woman had stuck her head into a rift a few times too often.
Sometimes when she watched the Lady Trevelyan back at Skyhold, may it be training with Dorian or just conversing with the people surrounding her, she never seemed anything but sovereign. As if nothing could faze her. So it was no surprise that everybody would push their worries onto her, making her into the sole carrier of the fate of Thedas. It was almost unsettling how she took all these obstacles in stride. And if Cassandra had not seen it before, blinded by her own admiration and worship, then she started to see it now. The woman was crumbling. Slowly. For now this pressure only seemed to express itself as additional vigour while facing enemies, but they definitely needed to do something about her responsibilities when they got back.
It was a fortnight into their journey through the desert, as the two women where sitting around the fire to banish the bitter cold of the night that had seeped into their bones, when the mage finally breached the subject of her worries. "So you gave the journal to Cullen?" Cassandra blinked a little irritated, before she remembered the little tome. "Yes. I thought he would be more experienced with the circles in the Free Marches than me. Was I not supposed to?" The mage's hand went into her hair, opening the band that kept it in a loose ponytail most of the time and shook out the waves of gold and copper hair sighing. The normally silken strands, now caked with sweat and blood. How she craved a bath right about now. "To be honest with you Cassandra, no I did not want for the Commander to read it. It was meant for your eyes only."
"So I understand that it is in fact your diary." The Seeker stated, flinching as she finally picked up on her mistake. The Herald nodded. The nevarran noble had proven to inhere a gentle soul, whose affinity for sentimentality had her dreaming of romance, knightly honour and everlasting love. It was what had given Helena the idea concerning her journal, in the first place, but in her overzealousness and at the same time fear of rejection, she had not uttered a word mentioning the owner.
"Why give it to me then?" Her normally vibrant blue eyes where almost black against the firelight, only its flames being reflected in their depths as she looked at Cassandra. "Because we have become very good friends, no? I thought you deserved some answers. Though I see my mistake in not telling you openly it was mine back then." Combing her fingers through her tangled mane, she huffed angrily as she only worsened the mess. "Dammit Cassandra I felt foolish enough just handing it over to you. You can't imagine how mortified I would have been in case I had told you it was mine from the start and you would have asked me the same question back then. Just as ashamed and foolish as I feel right this moment actually." Helena buried her face in her hands and groaned. "And now I have Cullen to deal with, who suddenly knows more about me than I wanted to tell him. At least not yet. Not this way."
"What's so different now that he found out? How bad can the thoughts of a circle mage be?" The Seeker inquired. "He probably thinks maker knows what of me and all I did the night I discovered it in his possession, I ran like the coward I am." The last bit was muffled by her arms as she hid her face in the crook of her elbow. "I just despise myself right now."
Cassandra had never seen her so beside herself and this meant a lot. Never in her life would she use the term coward to describe the younger woman, whose bravery, cunning and ingenuity in handling political matters had astonished her right from the start. A warm compassionate smile slowly spread on the Seeker's face the moment she recognized the familiar misjudgement of what one reflected to the outside world, in contrast to the soul that truly inhabited a person. Her gloved hand squeezing the Inquisitor's shoulder in assurance, she said soothingly "I'm sure if you talk to him when we get back all this won't be an issue. The Commander is a very reasonable man, despite his experience with mages."
"I really do hope so. We sure had our disputes back at Haven and I always sensed him to be on his guard around me. No matter how enjoyable our little verbal duels were." She sighed again deeply. "Maybe it's the Templar inside him, I don't know. He's very hard to read beyond that. No, Contradictory is the proper way I would use to describe him. Except when he's embarrassed, then he is an open book. I'm not saying his stance towards me hasn't changed. If anything it's almost unsettling how caring he has become and," Helena stopped abruptly, before her rambling would reveal any more embarrassing details. The woman beside her only considered her with a knowing smirk. Cassandra had almost hoped for the two to get together at some point since the day she had spied them conversing animatedly in the middle of the frozen lake.
Composing her features and straightening beside her the Seeker concluded "I for my part am sorry to have blindly disregarded your gift, as inconspicuous as it might have been. I should have paid closer attention. Let me just say how much I have come to appreciate your presence and part in all this. You are like the sister I always wished for and you can come to me with any concerns you might have in the future," Cassandra offered, wrinkling her nose as she added "Except if it involves any physical matters." That earned her a playful shove and an amused giggle from her companion. "Good night Cassandra."
The keep was theirs. Finally. It had taken its toll on them though and every Inquisition soldier could feel the tension dissipating as soon as the last occupant fell. No one wanted to admit it, but they were all exhausted. Almost four months existing of traveling in unbearable heat, wading through Darkspawn, building paths across the sulfuric hot springs and killing a dragon, because they had to test that stupid lure. And now the keep. It was a blessing that nobody had been infected and only few majorly injured had to be tended to. Cassandra however had had enough. The rest would have to be handled by emissaries. "All right I'll say what everyone is thinking. Pack up and let's go home at dawn."
There were no objections. Of course not. They had done what they had come for. Scout the desert, find out what the Wardens were doing here, close the rifts and establish an outpost. At least the foundation for such was lain and the main person responsible for any further handlings, already in place. And so everyone busied themselves with collecting whatever they'd need for the journey home, if a little slower than usual.
It was another endlessly slow passing two weeks in which the Commander had meditated most of the time and had finally found his way back to a state, that felt more like himself outside the withdrawal episodes. Also the soldiers had noticed the change and a more relaxed atmosphere had settled over the practice ring again.
The summer had come to pass in Skyhold, but it felt more like a mild spring in the Free Marches being so high in the mountains and close to Ferelden's even harsher climate. It was none the less a time to enjoy every ray of sunlight one could get and so most of its inhabitants spent their days in the courtyard and gardens of the huge keep, or the fields surrounding it.
The sun had been shining relentlessly and now that dusk was falling, did the stonewalls of the fortress still emanate warmth off of the rough surface, keeping the oncoming chill of the night at bay for a little while longer. The moment he heard the clattering of hooves as they trotted over the stone bridge to Skyhold the Commander stepped out of his office to watch their arrival. What he saw had him rush down the stone steps, only stopping when he had reached the person he had not been able to dispel from his mind, who was trying to hold herself upright in the saddle, her form dangerously swaying in exhaustion. Others were joining them to help the tired travellers and saw to their horses.
She was drained he could see and feel that clearly, but what worried him more was the bloodied bandage over one of her eyes. Swiftly relieving her of her staff and the stirrups, Cullen reached up and pulled her down, without waiting for permission and only set the Inquisitor on her feet reluctantly as she resisted his grip on her, but still keeping his arm around her shoulders, slowly leading her towards the steps to the keep. "I'm fine Commander you don't have to fuss over me." Fine? Who was she trying to convince? The way she put her weight on him and the dark circles under her healthy eye, clear testimony that she was definitely not fine. "Please my Lady have one of the healers check you over. You're pale as a ghost."
Without a word the Inquisitor stepped out from under his arm and took a few tentative steps forward before he saw her knees buckle. It only took him two strides to catch her, this time simply grabbing her behind the knees and lifting her as if she weighed nothing. Cullen noticed with dismay, that despite being clad in full armour, she was rather light and his concern for her only grew stronger in its intensity. Carrying her up the stairs as swiftly as he could, her head tucked under his chin, he was aware of the worried looks everyone they passed threw their way and called to the next best soldier he could find to send a healer to the Herald's tower.
"It's nothing serious Commander please. I'm just exhausted and dirty. It'll need cleaning at best and some of the ointment I made of Elfroot to keep down the inflammation. You worry too much." She explained, fatigue lining her voice, reducing it to a quiet murmur. He scoffed. "Stop downplaying everything that happens to you as if it were nothing. If anything were to happen to you. Maker I don't want to imagine it." He had not wanted for it to sound as chiding as it did, or as desperate. Neither was he comfortable with the feelings it stirred inside him. In that moment he could have not cared less though. He was glad she was back in one piece. She could be cross with him later. The whole scenario felt uncomfortably familiar to the night when he had picked her from the snow after Haven, not freezing this time, but just as exhausted. Her reply was almost swallowed by the rustling of clothes and armour, echoing through the staircase to her tower. "My, my Commander. One could assume you almost cared about my well-being." He considered her smart mouth being intact as a good sign.
He set her down on the soft cushions of her sofa, not caring about the dirt they inevitably spread across the fabric and immediately started to untie her boots, while she fumbled with the sash around her waist. Without thinking he had pushed her hands aside gently and unwrapped her waist, opening the dark coat to help her shrug out of it. The leather-harness and white shirt beneath it were drenched from sweat and dirt and clung to her upper body revealing parts of the underclothing beneath it. Cullen had not been able to avert his eyes quick enough. Clearing his throat he turned away to hide his burning face and headed towards her washbasin, filling a little bowl and a glass with water.
Handing her the glass she accepted it thankfully and while she was eagerly gulping down the liquid, he started to unravel the bandage covering her eye, wondering what took them so long to get a healer up here. Cullen sighed with relief as he noticed that what the bandage had covered, had already decreased to a thin cut through her brow, missing her eye barely and continued onto her cheek. It must have happened shortly before their return by the looks of it, though he did not understand why neither she, nor Dorian had simply mended it with magic.
"Of course I care for your well-being. What monster would I be if I didn't? So what happened?" He asked while cleaning her face of any dirt with the rag he had brought earlier, his hand under her chin keeping her head still and forcing Helena to look up at him. His first comment had her cheeks become a pretty pink, while she tried not to look him in the eyes. "It was bad luck, really. We were getting ready to return when Varric suddenly spotted dark figures looming on the horizon, coming towards us. Darkspawn." His breath got stuck in his throat, but he listened as she ground out the words, still raspy. "We had been clearing the desert and some ruins of the blighted creatures for weeks so it came as no surprise. I admit though, that endless running and fighting through this hellish heat, deliberating the fortress and killing another Dragon, had us all burned out. Bull, of course, was the only one enjoying the whole ordeal. I saw it coming but I couldn't conjure my magic fast enough to dodge fully. The dagger nicked my eye and blinded me for the rest of the fight."
Her own hand came up to pat his, that had stilled right under the cut as he'd listened and brought him back from his paralyzed state at her feet. "I'm fine Cullen. The blade didn't infect me, but I know how lucky I was. I promise to be more careful next time. I'm glad Dorian and I could save my eye together, though the cut that's left will remain, no matter if I try to heal it or not. We were just too drained back then." The way his name had tumbled out of her mouth as she tried to dissipate his worry over her, had his heart skip yet another beat.
Putting aside the bowl with water and the rag he opened his mouth to speak, when suddenly the door to her chambers opened and several people pooled into the room. Most of them being servants carrying a copper bathtub, food and several buckets of water they filled the tub with. Among them was also Solas who strode towards them as soon as he had spied the Herald. "Ma Falon. I already heard from Cassandra you had been attacked by Darkspawn on your return here. How long has it been since this wound was inflicted?"
Rolling her eyes a little she answered calmly. "It has been over ten days. After I was injured I retreated immediately to avoid Darkspawnblood to sully it. My skin tone is normal as you can see and aside from a fever, I have not suffered any of the known symptoms since then." She sighed heavily and covered the elves hand with hers, that was on her face emitting a slight green glow.
"I'm sorry to have worried you Falon. I'm fine truly. I just need to bath urgently and then I could probably sleep for a week, but since Corypheus is not going to kill himself that's not very likely to happen."
The smile she gave Solas was warm and affectionate and for a moment Cullen felt how jealousy shot through his veins before he could rein it in. After Solas had left, the Commander had only briefly lingered to wish the Lady to find some deserved rest, before heading towards the stairs, until a soft voice from behind him stopped his retreat. "Commander Cullen. I know it may sound inappropriate of me to ask, but would you stay a moment longer? I know I left without an explanation or any goodbye and I'd like to talk if you don't mind."
He had meant to let her rest before he'd approach her and so was a little wary as his body turned again slowly. The sight of her white shoulders and her long elegant neck just over the waters surface had him face away hastily and his cheeks flushed. There was a long pause until she finally spoke up, her voice quiet and almost colourless. "So you read all of it?" He swallowed heavily. "Yes." She shifted in the bath, filling the quiet that descended with the sounds of splashing water. "It mustn't have been very hard for you to discern it was mine, judging by the way you looked at my necklace when we met at the dinner table or that night after you saw my back, was it? Cassandra does not know very much regarding my origin, neither did she ever see my scars, or the pendant I wear all the time, but she likes to read these kinds of things. It's ridiculously silly and probably why I thought it would be a good idea to give it to her not mentioning it was mine. Maker knows I was wrong."
Between her getting out of the tub and dressing behind him she continued.
"But I certainly did not intend for you to find out this way. I don't know what you think of me, now that you know how I spent my childhood in the Circle. It certainly doesn't entail my proudest moments. Childish as I was, but one tends to always resent their younger self looking back I guess." her voice started to shake a little after that and she spoke with more haste than before. "I just hope this doesn't sully the way you perceive me..."
"No of course not! It never even crossed my mind. Ever since you have joined the Inquisition I have not once thought of you as anything but the person we could look to, to see compromise where we couldn't. You are in my opinion the best thing that could have happened to the Inquisition." How easy it was for him to speak the truth when he wasn't distracted by her. His hands had balled into fists as he restrained himself from turning around, until he felt a warm hand on his arm.
The way her ocean-blue eyes would enchant him as soon as they where fixed on him always hit Cullen like the shock while pouring a bucket of cold water over his head. "I'm sorry for leaving like this. I was not upset with you, more with myself, for not just telling Cassandra it was mine right from the start, or just keep it to myself altogether." Her gaze dropped to the floor and she seemed to fall in on herself as she continued, her voice just above a whisper "I received a letter from Leliana concerning your situation. It almost made me return earlier."
Without thinking, his hand came up to grab her under the chin again and made her look up at him. Sincerity lying in the depths of his eyes. "It was not because of you. The reason my old demons emerged again was entirely called forth by myself." It had been strange, how he had faced himself in the mirror the first day after his confrontation with Leliana. He had not recognised the man in the mirror. Eyes still holding only anger and frustration, red rimmed perfecting the picture of a mindless madman. How he had been completely taken over by this...darkness sleeping inside of him. He didn't even remember for the life of him what had been the reason for such a drastic change in character. The guilt of just letting go of the reins was what had him re-analyze his whole demeanor. How he had simply decided not to decide and just let someone or something else take over. "I still need to apologize to Leliana and Josephine." His eyes flicked upwards to her. "And to you for having you worry over myself while you were already occupied with much more urgent matters. A rather poor show of collegiality."
Her smile was warm and brought dimples to her cheeks he would have loved to kiss, still held back by the tight leash he had put around himself in the last weeks. "No need. Whatever it was I should have just kept this forsaken diary for myself. I'll come pick it up the next time I drop off a cup of tea." She winked at him with clear mischief in her eyes and stepped out of his reach, heading for her bed. "And something else. I think that all the things we have been through, shielding each others backs has already pushed us beyond simply being colleagues Commander. But if you are still harbouring doubt regarding our relationship we can aim for becoming friends in the days to come."
This intentional sassiness had him shake his head chuckling. "I would in fact like that."
"Good night Commander." He only heard, muffled by the covers.
Sighing he turned to leave for real this time, even though a little reluctant. "Good night my Lady."
Three weeks passed and the only time they had spent together had consisted of pouring over the war table, arranging everything for their journey to the Winterpalace and the shortly thereafter planned march on Adamant. The Inquisitor had already made her disapproval, towards this specific order of events exceedingly clear and her Commander had coincided with her argument. The longer they waited, the bigger would Corypheus' army of demons become, but as Leliana had phrased it, the Game did not wait and that her scouts reported in daily, confirming steady numbers residing at the fortress.
They both had conceded under the two former bards insistence, despite it being as absurd as it was. What had returned in this time though, much to his delight, were the little notes she had used to write, that had arrived along with his tea, before she had left for the Approach. Cullen would write his own little thoughts and quotes on the back now, to slip them between the papers he'd hand her the next day at the meeting. This secret correspondence had him feel like a young man again, sneaking behind the instructors back, to slip a secret to the woman he fancied.
Yes he had finally admitted it to himself. He wanted more from this shy, yet surprisingly witty woman, than a few heated glances from across the table every now and then.
"The smile she wears is a mask, a tool to achieve a goal. It fades as soon as the dignitaries are out of sight, her gaze going blank, almost sad. She is back in her own corner of the world, where she feels safe. Unobserved. At peace, but sad. Pain, loss, all the misery. For what? The moment is gone as she feels it. Prickling on her skin. Someone watching. Templar. And she notices him at the corner of her vision. Eyes meet and the smile, that appears now is warm, happy and genuine. He knows every smirk, grin, or smile she exchanges with her companions during conversations. This one is just for him and always has him lose his stern composure for a second, before he can rein in his body. She's bright. Warm. She pulls him from the abyss." It was late and thus alarmed was Cullen as the spiritboy suddenly materialized on the edge of his desk, blabbering away about the inner-most thoughts and emotions of the woman he desired and himself. He had long forgone any attempt at understanding the real concept of the being, that called itself Cole and so Cullen simply tried to avoid contact with him in public, not keen on having his own private thoughts blurted out for everybody to hear.
"Thank you Cole." He had simply muttered under his breath, still nose deep in reports, which had actually brought the hint of a smile to the young man's lips, before he had disappeared again into thin air and Cullen had only been left with thoughts of the Lady Trevelyan. The way she'd smile sometimes was only meant for him, how her humble and shy nature came forward when she was surrounded by those she trusted. Taking the time to join them more often at the dinner table, he had observed how every individual was met by a little different side of her.
With Solas she was a student, eager to absorb any knowledge he could impart. Sera made her laugh, but the noble always seemed to try and appease the skittish elf's moods and often crazy whims. Finding herself more often than not as the sole recipient of such in form of pranks. Aside from Cullen of course. The crazy rogue had had already taken a liking to him back at Haven and so annoyed him with her tomfoolery every chance she got.
The Lady Trevelyan was rather motherly when it came to Cole, but stopped him whenever his ramblings would go too far. Watching her and the Iron Bull in the courtyard was always a sight to be observed, since the mountain of a Qunari either had her beat him with a plank, or he'd try to catch her, while she nimbly evaded him with her magic. Something Cullen even allowed to distract his charges, for they could see how some mages would move in the field and on the other hand learn ways to catch them off guard.
The only one who more often than not brought forth the Inquisitors scorn, was the enchantress from Orlais, whose patronizing nature and love for the Game always had her sigh deeply after yet another taxing encounter with the other Knight-Enchanter. She'd always endure them with the utmost air of politeness and understanding, but if one watched closely, her marked hand would ever so slightly twitch, a flicker of green appearing in her palm.
Dorian, Cassandra and that snarky Dwarf had taken a special place among all of them. In Cassandra, he recognized his big sister Mia. Always chiding, but protective and caring at the same time. Varric was like the favourite uncle, who had many life-lessons to teach, but mostly spent his time with infecting her with his own ludicrous ideas. The Tevinter Mage was the hardest for Cullen to identify. The man never ran out of sassy comments he could throw into ones face, but when he was around the Lady Trevelyan, those who cared to actually see, could detect the softness around his eyes that changed his features as soon as she approached him. Some of the servants even whispered about them being huddled together in the armchair, the Tevinter had personally placed in his own corner of the library, her head comfortably supported by his shoulder, one arm encircling her waist, while they pored over old Tevene texts they were marvellously able to translate.
This relationship was what had Cullen question her motivations towards him most. But he had stopped trying to overanalyse it, soon after another evening he had wasted, mainly thinking about those two. He was a man of action and as such he would simply have to ask her about it and see what came of it. Period.
"Josephine I'm telling you this is ridiculous. I may be from the Free Marches, but this is just an offense against my person and my position. At least have the front covered. An Inquisition-emblem if you so please, a darker hue flowing into the blue of the rest of the dress maybe? Otherwise I'm not consenting to wear this."
"Hmmm that actually sounds agreeable. I'll speak to the seamstress at once." A relieved sigh flowed down the stairs towards him. "Thank you Josephine."
Cullen had only wanted to drop off some reports and the little tome, since neither of them had had time to meet outside of the war-council, when he had heard the commotion upstairs. Stopping dead in his tracks his eyes widened at what he saw in front of him. Her back was facing him, completely exposed by the dress she wore. The scar on her back equal to a painting on a pale canvas. The sky-blue fabric flowing like the waves of the ocean in the breeze that wafted in from the windows. The gaze she threw over her shoulder at his arrival had been short, but enough for him to detect the distress in her eyes at his presence, her posture becoming rigid, before she took a deep breath and faced him. She could not have looked any more gorgeous than when she turned around in this moment. Cheeks flushed, her golden hair framing her face as the light coming through the arched windows created a halo around her head. Her eyes glowed even brighter, accentuated by the dress. It fit her perfectly the way it hugged to her curves at the hips, cascading to the floor like the tail of a siren.
He understood her objection towards the front though. It was, as the back, slit all the way down to short over her navel and would expose the perfection that was her décolletage to every onlooker who'd come her way in Halam Shi'ral. Just the thought of it made bile rise to his mouth. He knew this style. It was rather unusual, still some women in Kirkwall had flounced through the upper quarters, presenting their assets to everyone. Willing or not and he was glad for her quick thinking.
Clearing his throat he asked "Lady Trevelyan may I have a moment of your time?"
"Of course Commander. I'll come talk to you later Josephine." As soon as the Ambassador was gone, the Lady stepped towards him and turning in a circle, took his breath away yet again with her gracefulness and beauty. "So what do you think?" She asked, her voice a little shaky, due to bashfulness.
Clearing his throat he gazed down to the floor, looking sheepishly and trying to retain order in his head. His thoughts having immediately drifted towards what it would be like to take this dress off. Finally he said. "Well, it is as you remarked too revealing for a woman of your class and position, but otherwise you look wonderful. Especially since it accentuates your eyes so beautifully." Had he really just phrased it like that? He was seemingly becoming more well versed around her, which made it none the less embarrassing. What he heard next almost startled him. He had never heard her laugh like this before, it was bright and full of mirth, something she seemed to lack most of the time. "Really Commander you don't have to look so mortified. Thank you for your compliment. It means a lot coming from you." Disappearing behind a paravent she added "I still need to get it to the Seamstress to have it changed, or I'll never live it down if the others see me like this."
"They certainly would have a field-day at your expense. Mostly to hide their admiration of you though." The last part had been more like a murmur to himself, but still audible enough for her to pick up on it. By the time his eyes rose back up again from his feet she had dressed in the usual leathers she wore in the keep. Trousers clinging to her toned, long legs perfectly, her golden tresses tamed back into its usual tail, as she looked up at him mischief in her eyes. "May I inquire to why specifically it would be admiration Commander?" Now she was just fishing for a compliment and teasing him about his choice of words at the same time. Do something and please don't let her think you are an idiot.
His voice low and sultry, he returned "That would be telling my Lady." He was likely just as surprised as her about this cunning comeback. Where had this come from so suddenly? They stared at each other like this stunned as they were, until he broke out into a hasty explanation. "Of course they would be envious, since you..., well you are..." He huffed out an exasperated breath. So much for his sudden whiff of cunning. Andraste's knickers what can I say to not sound like a blabbering fool or a lecherous pervert? Another gale of laughter had him fix her with one of his typical stern frowns, that would have any soldier under his command beg for forgiveness, yet here she stood, blinded by tears of laughter, as she fought to regain her composure. Wiping at her eyes, a giggle still escaping her every now and then she finally uttered: "I'm sorry, but this was simply exhilarating. I couldn't help myself." Her expression sobered again and she bit her lip, trying to find the right thing to say that would appease him and bring back the playful mood from before. "I didn't mean any ill by it Commander."
This mood however was lost, due to Cullen's own thoughts returning to the pictures he had collected in his mind of her and the Tevinter Magister, or Altus like he had been corrected. In his blind distaste of their closeness, did the words leave his mouth, before he was able to react. "Then why don't you join Dorian in the library again? He clearly seems to be better versed than I am in these flirtations should that be more to your taste Inquisitor." The way he used her title at the end sounded bitter and it was petty and foolish to act jealous, since he had not lain any claim, let alone openly verbalized his affections for her. So it was only fair for Helena to feel dumbfounded and disgruntled in return, as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, eyebrow raised, defiance glinting in her eyes. "For one Commander, I'm very content where I am and secondly, what in Thedas could possibly have given you the impression of me and Dorian pursuing any kind of romantic relationship?"
"Don't pretend you didn't know how the two of you, being huddled together in that library, looked like to any one passing by." He argued taking a step forward and at the same time trying to stay calm in the face of her obvious lack of understanding. "And I am telling you there is nothing going on between me and Dorian." Their noses were almost touching as she herself had taken a step towards him, not backing down. Eyes boring into each other. His still sceptical, hers burning with a fire he had never seen before, but in their depths Cullen could make out the honesty behind her words.
His frown deepened, not out of anger now, but simply out of growing confusion. His eyes flickering between hers and her mouth that was so temptingly close. "There isn't?" Rolling her eyes she returned annoyed now. "No definitely not. Dorian could never see me this way." His bewilderment remained until she added: "His tastes lie elsewhere Cullen."
Oh.
Maker he was such a fool! And he had just gone and assumed the worst of her without ever asking her personally to clear up the misunderstanding. The same thing he had sworn to himself not to lower himself to. Sure it had been so convenient to simply accuse her of playing both sides of the fence, that he had not even once wasted another thought on questioning its truth. Nothing would excuse the tasteless way he had flung his ignorance into her face and as much as Cullen desired for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, the soldier in him demanded for the least she deserved. An apology, even though he should probably kneel while he was at it, but his manly pride drew the line there. He did however take a step backwards, away from the woman he had yet again pushed away the moment she had gotten too close.
"I'm very sorry my Lady. I should not have gone and assumed. I know this does not make up for my behaviour in the slightest." His hand at his neck he sighed defeated, gazing around the room, while his mind still razed in search of something more tolerable to say, but came up empty. "I should leave you to your plans." She didn't stop him as he rushed down the steps.
Helena had thought she'd already experienced every facet of the Commander, but never before had she seen him so enraged by jealousy. It upset her, how quick to accuse and curt he had been. And at the same time, deep down it thrilled her, because it was proof that he returned her affections. Enough to cause such a strong reaction to a possible rival. Of course she and Dorian had become close, especially since they had saved each others hide in the future they had fortunately been able to prevent. A future that still caused her nightmares about her friends and advisors in those cages. But she had never wasted any thought on what their familiarity would look like to outsiders.
Sighing she burried her hand in the loose locks upon her head, ignoring the way she dishevelled the plait. They were both at fault, that was for sure. He for not coming to her in case he was as interested as it seemed and clear up the misunderstanding, she, for being inconsiderate of appearances. She scoffed disparagingly. No wonder I payed it no mind. I sound like Vivienne thinking like this.
Knowing Cullen- and maker had she gotten to know that man in the time they had spent together- he would lock himself inside his tower, tackling as much work as he could. Neither eating nor sleeping, until he was of the opinion, he had been punished in full.
Helena chuckled quietly to herself as she remembered another man very close to her, who was just as overly strict with himself. Always expecting the best, noting that nothing he achieved was ever good enough. It encouraged him to never stop trying to improve himself. Always balancing on the edge between motivation and discouragement. A trait he had passed on to his only daughter and the reason why she had detected it in the Commander immediately. The question was now to find a way of keeping him from fulfilling said punishment.
Good thing she already had an idea.
So much for part 4. I hope you enjoyed.
Cheers!