Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination.

A/N: Thanks for all the follows and wonderful reviews on the last chapter it means the world to me. So I felt it was time to showcase Kim in her struggles with her actions so here it is.

The drive back to her place was a complete blur. She had left Molly's and had found herself in front of his apartment complex. Without even giving it a second thought, she took the elevator to his floor and knocked on his door. The door opened quickly and there Adam was. She could see it in his body that he had a few drinks already and the fire in his eyes told her he was angry.

"What do you want now? Looking to yell at me some more, drive the knife deeper in?" He had every right to throw that anger her way but she wasn't in the mood for that. She wanted him and she found herself kissing him. He quickly pulled her inside and sat her on the kitchen table, their lips on each others. They made love there and he set her insides on fire, making her want some more. And as if he sensed what she wanted, he helped her wrap her legs around her waist and he brought her to his bed where they had sex again. He had rocked her world like no one ever could but she couldn't let him back in so as quickly as they had undressed, she found her clothes and left. He had let her go without a word but when she sat down in her car, she aloud herself to break down.

"What have I done?" She let the tears fall down her cheeks as she started driving. She made it back to her place and got into the shower. The hot water worked on her muscles but her brain and her heart were working together in an effort to confuse her. She stumbled into her bed and found a restless sleep. When she woke up, she had a feeling she hadn't slept a wink. She started a fresh pot of coffee and sat at her breakfast bar. Her lack of sleep found her staring into space and it was a knock on her door that took her back to the present. She wasn't expecting anyone and opened her door, hoping that the person on the other side could easily get rid of.

"Burgess." She was pulled into a tight hug by Kevin.

"What the hell happened last night?" He had received a call from Hailey when Kim had left Molly's and he had looked for her car where he thought she would be and had come up empty until now.

"I screwed up Kev."

"It can't be that bad girl." He finally let go of her and held her at arms length.

"I slept with him last night." She blurted out, tears falling down her cheeks again.

"The two of you need to stop dancing around each other. Whatever you guys are doing needs to stop."

"I don't know how to stop it." He led her to the couch and sat down next to her.

"The two of you need to talk it out. Gotta be honest with him, and with you." He pulled her into his side and let her cry some more.

"I am honest with me."

"Really? How honest are you with yourself?"

"I can't let him walk all over my heart like that again."

"From where I'm standing, you did the walking."

"If this is your idea of a pep talk Atwater, you can get out."

"I'm serious Burgess, you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and own your part."

"Get out." Kevin sighed and stood.

"I'm on your side Burgess but the two of you need to figure it out. You guys are great together, everyone knows that." Kim stood by her open door and waited for Kevin to walk out into the hallway before she slammed it in his face.

She spent the rest of the day moving around her apartment aimlessly. She was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a off the shoulder sweater, her mind replaying Kevin's words over and over again. She knew he was right and that is what had angered her. She was quick to put the whole blame on Adam and his lack of commitment but a long look in the mirror and she knew she had issues too.

Sure Roman had played into her insecurities but the fact that she had easily played into his hand was where her real problem lied. She didn't know why she had been in such of a hurry to walk down the isle and she had breathed down his neck to get their parents together. And most of all, they hadn't talked.

She had given her engagement ring back to him and never looked back. He had tried to come to her, tried to know what he had done wrong and she had shut him down more than once. She found the bottle of tequila that was hiding in the back of her cupboard and poured herself a shot, the lemon and salt only a formality. She threw back shot after shot and she was quickly became smashed. She wanted to drown her feelings for Adam and her insecurities to make it all the way with him and she ended up with her toilet as a friend for the night.

After only two hours of sleep that was accompanied by a massive headache, she made a call to Platt to say she wasn't coming in for the day, giving her a flimsy excuse she hoped the desk sargent would buy. She settled herself on the couch with a blanket and the lights off, trying to keep the pounding at bay.

Adam and Kevin got into the district first and were surprised to see that Platt wasn't in her usual spot at the front desk but simply shrugged it off, heading up the stairs and into the bullpen. Adam gave Hailey a smile and took a seat behind his computer, going through the ton of e-mail he was putting off clearing.

Voight got out of his office and put a picture of a dead guy as Antonio made it to his desk. "Let's get to work."

"Shouldn't we wait for Burgess boss?" Adam asked, exchanging a look with both Kevin and Hailey.

"She's not coming in today. Let's just solve this." They gave him all of their attention but all three of them had a bad feeling. It wasn't like Kim to miss work unless there was a good explanation but they didn't have time to dwell on it, their heads needing to be in the game.

Kim woke up with a start when her phone dinged in three quick secessions. One was from Kevin, asking if she was okay and the two other ones were from Hailey. The first one wanting to make sure she was okay and second one saying she was coming over as soon as the case was wrapped, not taking no for an answer. She knew that she had to get her act together at some point but the thumping in her head hadn't stopped.

She pried herself off the couch and sent both Kevin and Hailey a reply before forcing herself into a shower, a cold one so she could try to get her thoughts in order.

One look in the mirror and the bloodshot eyes staring back at her and she knew she was in trouble. She tried splashing some cold water on her face and put hydrating drops but nothing helped. She gave up when knocking came from her front door. She looked through the peephole and opened the door, Hailey offering her a smile.

"I come baring gifts." She raised a bag with two ice cream containers.

"I'm not sure I'm good company right now." She let her in and closed the door behind her.

"We got worried when you didn't come in." She knew that Kim would understand what she meant even without saying the words out loud.

"I couldn't face him." She simply said, plopping down on the couch and pulling her legs to her chest.

"What happened Kim?" Kevin had told her the basics when they chased after their suspect.

"I messed everything up." She took the ice cream and spoon Hailey offered her and dug in.

"I doubt you did."

"I slept with him last night Hailey, twice. And I just took off after we were done." She looked down into the container.

"Maybe that's your problem, lack of communication?"

"I'm sure he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"I highly doubt that Kim. I swear I saw the worry in his eyes this morning when Voight said you weren't coming in. He won't admit it out loud to any of us but it's clear as day that he's still in love with you."

"What if I can't fix it?"

"Do you want to fix it?" Hailey knew that Kim needed to be challenged to make some realizations about her relationship with Adam, no matter what kind she wanted it to be. She had seen them together undercover and it was clear that there was chemistry there, an ease to the two of them together and she was pretty sure that it was the kind of relationship they had as a couple as well.

"I do, I just."

"You need to figure it out Kim because the two of you can't keep going on like this. No matter how much you think you're protecting your heart by playing this game, you'll end up getting it hurt either way."

A game; Was that what it looked like from their end? That certainly wasn't her intention but Hailey was right, she had a lot of things to figure out and she needed to figure it out on her own before she pulled anyone else into it with her.

"I never meant to hurt him."

"I know but you did so what's next?" They spent the rest of the evening talking, Hailey pushing when Kim was pulling and they hugged when she left, leaving Kim to figure a few things out on her own. She threw away both containers of ice cream and headed to her room, more specifically the bottom of her wardrobe. She had hid it far underneath all of her belongings but in the mist of her self-searching, it was time that she took it out. She sat on the ground and looked through it. It was mostly pictures of the two of them and each and every one of them had them smiling. It was when she fell on their engagement that the waterworks started.

It wasn't an official portrait by any means but he had his arms wrapped around her and her left hand was on display, the two of them smiling. They looked happy and her heart missed that feeling her relationship with Adam gave her. She blindly looked for her phone that she had set next to her and found his name. She started writing a text only to delete it and start it over and settled on three simple words. She hoped that he wouldn't ignore it because it was way past due they have a talk.

A/N: So finally someone challanged Kim through her excuses of why it hadn't worked with Adam but will he want to talk about it or s he done after what she did to him? Please take a few seconds to review before you go,it's always fun to read your words as well - Sarra