"Shiro-chan?' Rangiku said gently as she pulled open the door.

"I'm fine," Toshiro said, not looking up from a heavy book on his desk.

"Well, I'm not," Rangiku said. "So maybe you could help me."

Toshiro finally raised his head, giving his mother a look of confusion and surprise. "Why're you upset?"

"Why?" Rangiku repeated as she came inside and sat down on Kin-chan's bunk. "This morning three of my very closest friends were involved in a fight to the death, and, from what I'm told, if Kira hadn't shown up when he did Shuhei-kun might have died while Nanao was busy killing Momo-chan. That alone was enough to send me straight to the sake, but then everyone was sure poor Shuhei was a traitor, only that was wrong because you found out Momo-chan had attacked him and not the other way around, and now Momo-chan may die because the Fifth Division Third Seat was the real traitor, and he poisoned her before he poisoned himself. Every one of those people, including Nakajima, are friends of mine--and I can't do anything for any of them, because I'm stuck here! I don't think I have any idea where to start to explain how upset I am."

"Oh," Toshiro said, looking away. "I think Ise and Hisagi will be alright, anyway."

"What about Momo-chan?" Rangiku asked.

"Kira's guarding her now; he talked Dad into letting him, in case she does know something and another of Aizen's people decides to finish her off," he said. Then his expression grew hard, almost angry. "Kira will protect her. No matter what. He doesn't even care what she did. He doesn't even care that she chose Aizen over him--why are people so stupid? They love people who don't love them, and they'll do anything for them, even when the people they love don't even care."

Rangiku smiled sadly at her oldest son. So this was how his first crush would end, disillusioned by the mistakes of the once perfect-seeming Hinamori. "I'm afraid most of us are pretty stupid most of the time, Shiro-chan, and even the smartest people can get pretty stupid when it comes to love. Even you might someday."

"No," Toshiro said. "I'm not going to let myself fall in love with anyone. What's the point? Even if it doesn't make you stupid it makes you weak."

Rangiku frowned. Stupid or weak: that was hard to argue with. She and Gin both qualified as stupid, and Hinamori and Kira were probably both weak in Toshiro's eyes. "I think Renji's showing more strength than any of us knew he had, taking care of Rukia like he has been."

Toshiro stared at her for a moment. "Vulnerable then," he said. "Hurting Rukia has pretty much taken Abarai out, too. I saw him this morning. He doesn't even care about his work anymore. He was just going to do what he was told till he could go back to her. And Dad, he'd do anything for you. It's worse than stupid; it's dangerous. Yamamoto's right; captains shouldn't fall in love, and they shouldn't get married. It's too risky for the Gotei."

"What about Captain Ukitake?" Rangiku argued. "You can't say that about him and Nemu. She helps him and makes him stronger."

Toshiro rolled his eyes. "Ukitake's different."

"How?"

"I don't know. He just is. I don't even know why I'm arguing about this with you. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm just tired of everybody being so stupid about everything. We have a real problem with Aizen, and maybe Hinamori was the only person who was so stupid she was helping him because she couldn't believe he was actually bad, but no one else seems to be taking it seriously enough anyway. Maybe she would have realized she was betraying us if we were actually getting ready to fight him. Instead we're just messing around and talking about getting Kurotsuchi some toys to play with; why can't we just do something?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to kill him! I want to make him pay for what he did to Hinamori! He made her a traitor, and he doesn't even care! Even if she lives, they may put her in prison for what she did for him! What she did for stupid love! I am going to make sure he pays for that."

"I know he will," Rangiku said. "We are going to defeat him, and he's going to pay for everything he's done. But Shiro-chan, don't lose yourself to hate. Hate makes people just as stupid as love does, but it doesn't make them kinder like love can. It makes them cruel. You can't let hating Aizen be what drives you. Fight to protect your family, your friends, fight for all of Soul Society, but don't make it about hate. Please."

For a moment Toshiro was quiet. Then he looked away. "That's not what I meant," he said, clearly covering, but not wanting to admit she might be right. "Of course I'm fighting to protect everyone. It's the reason I became a captain. I'm going to protect you and Kin-chan and Yuki, and I'll even keep Dad safe for you. I know that's what's important. Aizen has to be stopped because nobody's going to be safe until he is."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Much later, when Yuki was enjoying her three am feeding, Rangiku told Gin what Toshiro had said. "I'm worried about him. He's so angry."

"Well, that's on you," Gin answered. "I've never been angry in my life."

"Never?" Rangiku repeated doubtfully.

"Have you ever heard me raise my voice?"

Rangiku frowned. "No, which makes me wonder once again, what the hell did people do to you before we met? No one never gets upset. You have to be hiding it. But just because you can swallow your anger doesn't mean you don't feel it. You were angry at Aizen for hurting me, angry enough you started a lifelong quest to destroy him. I'd say of the two of us you are definitely the one with anger issues."

Gin was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "It wasn't anger."

"Then what was it?"

"Hate."

"Whatever. You can't let it take over Shiro-chan's life like it did yours."

"It won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"One way or another this is all going to be over by next year."

Rangiku froze. Gin had been doing a very good job hiding his fear since Rukia's return. He had buried the panic and fear and despair so deep Rangiku had almost believed it was gone. She had almost convinced herself that Gin had finally accepted that they could do this, but just now she heard it again in that soft and empty tone.

"We're going to be ok," she said softly.

"I know," Gin agreed, and he reached one arm around her and the baby.

His tone was so empty and hopeless it made Rangiku's heart ache, and she wondered, Aizen had made Hinamori his loyal servant, using little lies to slowly transform her to the point where she could no longer question him, and while Gin might have been too aware of what Aizen was for that, was it possible Aizen had somehow used his lies to convince Gin he was unbeatable? Or maybe it was deeper than that. Rangiku had known people who had suffered so much when they were children that they really couldn't believe in things working out; they always expected the rug to be pulled out from under them. They didn't believe in happiness, at least not for themselves. Maybe Gin was one of those people. Whatever the case was, she wasn't going to give up, and she wasn't going to let him either.

"Everything is going to be alright," she whispered. Maybe her confidence could be enough for the both of them.