This probably goes on way too long because I was having way too much fun writing it. It's ridiculous and pointless and does nothing to further the plot, but maybe you'll enjoy it half as much as I did. I hope so. Otherwise I apologize.*

Gin turned at the sound of familiar laughter. A drunken Captain Kyoraku was not a surprising sight in a sakeya, but Ukitake beside him was looking a little red in the face, and that was definitely unusual.

"Well, well, what have we here?" Gin asked, approaching the pair with a grin.

"Gin-kun," Kyoraku greeted him happily. "How are you?"

"Oh, hello," Ukitake said, wobbling slightly as he turned to look up at Gin.

"Captains," Ikkaku said, coming up behind Gin and setting a hand on his shoulder harder than was really necessary. "Captain Ichimaru, here, would like to invite you both, and your excellent families, to a little party the dear, sweet Ichimaru Rangiku is holding tonight for Yumichika."

"Oh, yeah?" Kyoraku asked, grinning.

Ukitake blinked. "Oh, dear. I'm not sure I'm going to be up for a party. I never should go out with Shun when I'm upset. I always end up drinking, and I'm afraid I've never built up any sort of a tolerance. I've only had a couple of glasses, and I'm afraid I must be drunk."

"You're fine," Kyoraku assured him as he poured the other captain yet another drink. "Why don't you join us, Gin-kun? They say you never really know a man until you've shared a few drinks."

"I'm afraid I'm a bit busy with Rangiku's--"

"He'll be happy to join you," Yumichika interrupted, and Ikkaku pushed Gin toward the seat. "Ikkaku and I can take care of the rest of the details, now that we have the catering set up. All we need to do is track down the lieutenants. It'll be no problem at all for us. You should enjoy some sake with Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake."

Gin could not believe he was actually being pushed into drinking with Kyoraku. He couldn't think of anything less wise, but he could hardly refuse when the senior captain was already handing him a cup of the stuff. All he could do was thank Kyoraku and drink up as instructed.

The captains waved off Ikkaku and Yumichika, and Gin sighed. Once more it really didn't seem fair. He was hosting Yumichika's congratulatory celebration, and spending a small fortune on the sake and catering, and he'd beaten Ikkaku fair and square, which just wasn't right--since when did he fight fair? And he was still getting stuck doing everything he didn't want to do.

"So what is the occasion?" Gin asked, curiously.

"Nemu's kicked me out," Ukitake said miserably.

Kyoraku rolled his eyes. "She sent him out to have some fun. He was all upset and wanted to give Kurotsuchi a piece of his mind, and she didn't think that was a wise idea. I'm distracting him."

"Gin-kun agrees with me," Ukitake said. "That--that--that ass ought to be murdered."

"Gin-kun thinks everybody should be murdered," Kyoraku told him. "You know what your problem is? You still haven't drunk enough." And with that he refilled all three cups.

"I don't think everyone should be murdered," Gin said after he'd finished off the sake. It tasted vile in his opinion, and the only way he could get it down was to drink it fast enough he didn't really have to taste it. Unfortunately, that seemed to have a less than pleasant effect on his head. He doubted he was doing his best thinking, what with the odd way everything in his head seemed to be slipping about, and he ought to simply keep his mouth shut, but he couldn't have people saying he wanted everyone dead. That was a gross overstatement. "But clearly there are some people we could do without. Wouldn't it have been nice if someone had managed to take out Aizen years ago? It's not like no one tried. And the world would definitely be a better place without Kurotsuchi. And, if we're already at it, I think we could lose all the incompetent people and the idiots without anyone really minding. Maybe really irritating people like Kuchiki could go too, and--"

"You know they can't help it," Ukitake interrupted. "There are some people who are going to be stupid no matter how hard they try. The poor things, I feel terribly sorry for them."

"I don't," Kyoraku said. "Unless Gin-kun gets around to killing them off. They always seem terribly happy. Never have to worry if you never bother to think."

"That does sound nice," Gin had to agree. "I might have had a nice normal life with Ran if I'd been just a little less bright."

"Or if we had been more responsible," Ukitake said. "I've always thought it was wrong, making children into soldiers. It's a tragedy, really, what you've been through. It shouldn't have been allowed. And now we have poor little Shiro-chan, a captain, and I couldn't think of one way to stop him. He should have been safe with his mother, not out in the middle of things, trying to face down Aizen--"

"Don't be like that!" Kyoraku interrupted. "I'm supposed to be cheering you up, not letting everyone get even more depressed. You ought to be happy, anyway. Nemu's going to have a baby. You're going to be a daddy! Isn't that wonderful?"

"Is it?" Gin asked. "I've got three, and it's never been good news. You can tell yourself they don't matter. They're just like anyone else, but they're so helpless! And Aizen, he sees it. He always sees it. You can't hide anything from him. He knows he's got me because the kids and Ran--my Rangiku! She's so vulnerable. She'd do anything for those kids. She'd die to protect them. How am I supposed to protect her from that? She stood up to Ulquiorra; she didn't even try to run because she would have had to leave the baby. He could have killed her. He put his hand around her neck." Gin bowed his head to his arms folded on the table. "I can't live without her. I can't. There is no world without her."

"I'm sure a lot of fellows feel that way about their girls," Kyoraku said awkwardly.

Gin shook his head. "They don't matter," Gin said, his voice muffled by his arm. "Only Ran."

"How much did he drink?" Ukitake asked, looking worried.

Kyoraku frowned. "Just two cups?" he said, looking concerned.

"It's fine!" Gin declared, sitting up suddenly and grinning for all he was worth. "It's great! Fantastic, even! Aizen wants to torture the lot of us to death, but that's not going to happen! Why would it? We've got everything we need to handle him! And a good plan! I'm sure we've got a good plan! I really wish someone would tell me what the good plan is because far as I can see we're all going to die."

"You're awful moody when you drink," Kyoraku told him.

"Am I? I wouldn't know. I don't drink. You see I have to stay in complete control all the time. It wouldn't do for people to find out I'm just another man. I have an image to keep up," his smile shifted as he spoke, from manic to the one that tended to send shivers down other people's backs. "Never know, I might just murder someone 'cause I'm bored. Easy to believe, isn't it? I'm not like other people. I don't feel things like they do. Their pain means nothing to me."

"Poor Gin-kun," Ukitake said, shaking his head and throwing off his balance so he had to steady himself against the table. "You can't scare me and Shun, you know. We've been around a long time, seen a lot worse than you."

"Too true," Kyoraku agreed. "We're not easy to scare these days; we've seen evil come and we've seen it go. Even Aizen, he's just another threat to take down, maybe a bit trickier than most, but we've been here too long to doubt the Gotei will triumph, and you, Gin-kun, you're nothing but a pretender. You got the best costume I've ever seen; earned yourself a captain's haori and a smile like the devil himself, had the entire city thinking you'd just as soon slit their throats as say good morning, but underneath you're still just a scared little boy."

"Yeah?" Gin said. "What have I got to be scared of?"

"You said it yourself, Rangiku's your whole world," Kyoraku answered. "You're terrified of losing her. Don't really get that myself. Got plenty of people I care about, people I'd kill for, even die for, but not one I couldn't go on without. Maybe it's because you're so young; you just haven't got any perspective yet. People die, but as long as we're still living we gotta keep fighting for what's right."

"Is that all there is for us?" Ukitake asked, leaning on the table and looking sad. "Fighting and dying? Absolute and unquestioning loyalty, our entire lives given to the Gotei, and our only retirement death. My Nemu may escape, but how many others never will?"

Kyoraku frowned across the table at Ukitake. "I never knew you were such a sad drunk," he said. "You're almost as bad as Nanao-chan. You'd think she'd have told me off plenty, the way she's always after me for one thing or another, but get some alcohol in her and she starts listing off everybody's faults one by one."

"I'm surprised she ever gets past yours," Gin said.

"You should hear the things she has to say about you," Kyoraku said. "And the language--Shuhei-kun's a great boy, but he's taught her words that can make me blush! Funny, isn't it? Ninety-nine percent of the time he's the most polite young man I've ever known, but that last one percent, the Rukongai comes out loud and clear."

"Gin-kun's a bit different, though, isn't he?" Ukitake said, suddenly. "Very well spoken for Rukongai."

Kyoraku's gaze was suddenly so sharp Gin flinched back. "Probably from one of the upper districts, and born here, not a dead soul, eh?"

Gin smiled. "Could be--or I'm from Kyoto, and I'm too stubborn to give up my accent."

Kyoraku shook his head. "Not with that hair--over a century ago, would have been abandoned, would have had to start over here as an infant, and you'd talk like all the other kids from Rukongai. Should have thought about it before. You're not the usual Rukongai street rat, are you?"

Gin poured himself some more sake. "An orphan's an orphan. Doesn't really matter how we lost our family, does it?"

"Of course it matters," Ukitake answered. "But you don't have to talk about it. We understand. No matter how long ago it was some things just hurt too much to share."

Gin laughed at that. "Do they? Or maybe they're simply too boring to bother remembering. Normal family, normal childhood, normal tragedy, but then I met Rangiku and that's when my life began. Probably not something you would understand, but there it is. I never bother to think about what came before."

"You are a very good liar, Gin-kun. I don't doubt you don't think about the time before, but not because it was dull. You were a damaged child; I could see it all too clearly back when you were at the Academy. You were too good a liar and a thief, hid everything you thought or felt, and young as you were, you didn't even flinch at the idea of killing something. That's a child that never had a loving family, has always had to fight to survive; Rukongai makes a lot of kids like that, and most of them don't make it any better here than they did there. 'Course none of them have ever been as strong as you. There aren't many you know will make captain when they're still children. You had the strength, the brains, and the determination, but there haven't been more than two or three others since we went through the Academy. Ukitake's probably right and we should have found some way to make you wait, but what could we do? Once a child has a zanpakuto there's not much stopping him."

Gin shrugged and poured himself some more sake. "Don't feel bad about me. Nobody could've saved me. Been a monster my whole life, least Ran gave me a purpose, and nobody could've stopped Aizen--long as I can take him with me, I'll go to hell happy."

"Happy to go to hell?" Ukitake said. "You mean no price is too high to stop him or to protect her?"

Gin smiled hugely at that. "You all can die to stop him; I'm only dying for Ran. It's a pity she loves the whole lot of you, humanity too. Wish I could convince her none of you are worth it, but then she wouldn't be Ran, would she? Heart's too big, but that's ok, couldn't fit me otherwise."

Gin's smile faded, and he frowned at the empty cup in his hand. "I've always heard you get loose-lipped when you drink, but this is ridiculous--and completely unfair!" He raised his eyes to the two captains. They looked fairly drunk to him, but he wasn't much of a judge at the moment. "I've told you everything about me, and what have you said, nothing!"

"That's not true," Kyoraku argued. "Shiro-chan's told you all about how bad he feels about everything, which is funny, since he's always in such a good mood when he's sober, and you've only said how much you wish Kuchiki and all were dead, which everyone already knows anyway, and that you love your family, which we also already knew, so stop complaining. No secrets have been divulged."

Gin frowned a moment longer. "Do you really think I love my family?" he asked finally.

"Of course you do," Ukitake said, nodding wisely. "That's why Yama-ji doesn't want us to have family. Choosing between loyalty to the Gotei and love of family really isn't much of a competition."

"Well, obviously I love Ran, but the kids, too?"

Kyoraku nodded. "I'm afraid so."

GIn sighed. "You're probably right. It's terribly inconvenient. They put Ran in danger, and I still have to look out for them. Anyone with any sense would get rid of the little parasites." He held out his empty cup to Kyoraku. "Might as well pour me another."

"They can't make her get rid of it even if it is a parasite," Ukitake said abruptly. "It's hers. But she's not even a person to them! She's nothing but a piece of property Kurotsuchi finds useful--but, Shun, how am I any better when the only way I could think to protect her was to call her my property? I told them it would be an issue for the Four Great Houses if they dared harm my wife."

Gin laughed at that. "Oh, if only Kurotsuchi and Kuchiki would fight to the death, wouldn't that be fun to watch? Kuchiki'd do it too, for the honor of the noble houses, been trying for years to think of a way to use that pride of his to get him killed. Think Ran might have convinced him he had a duty to Rukia in the end, but he got knocked out of the fight before he could make up his mind to act, and, of course, Aizen didn't think it was the right time to kill him. Really was a pity."

"What do you have against poor Byakuya-kun, anyway?" Kyoraku asked.

"Don't like the way he looks at Ran," Gin answered honestly.

Both of the other captains looked confused. "I would have thought Byakuya-kun would irritate you less than other men on that account," Ukitake said finally. "At least he doesn't spend his time staring at her chest." He gave Kyoraku a pointed look.

Kyoraku protested. "Rangiku-chan is a lovely girl. We all like her immensely. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Ran likes men watching her; it makes her feel attractive. Why should I mind?" Gin asked. "But Kuchiki looks at her like she's something nasty he found stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Nobody should look at my Ran like that, like he could snuff her out with as little thought as you'd give to swatting a mosquito."

"Think you might be overreacting a little there, Gin-kun," Kyoraku said. "Byakuya-kun's a first class asshole, but he's not about to hurt Rangiku-chan. He hasn't tried to kill anyone for no good reason in a century at least."

Ukitake laughed suddenly at that. "He always was going to kill someone or other, wasn't he, when he was a boy?"

Kyoraku joined his laughter. "He wanted to go after my Nanao-chan for slapping him, but he deserved it, calling her a boy."

"Completely ruined New Year's, but just what the Kuchiki family deserved, trying to set him up with an appropriate woman. Anyone could see Byakuya-kun was always going to make his own choices; I've never met anyone so willful, not before or since," Ukitake put in, but he was smiling sentimentally.

"Are you saying the Kuchiki family tried to set up Byakuya with Lieutenant Ise?" Gin asked, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Among others," Ukitake agreed, smiling at the foolishness of it all.

"I did try to warn them," Kyoraku said. "Nanao-chan has no patience for arrogant men. The number of times they tried to set her up with someone so completely wrong for her; you'd think her own family didn't know her at all, but you don't want to hear these old men talk about times long past."

"Please, I'd love to hear, old family stories are my favorite," Gin assured him.

Kyoraku grinned back. A drunk and enthusiastic audience was always his favorite.