Him
He didn't know how long he'd been sitting at Molly's, a beer in front of him but not drinking it. Gabby kept sending him concerned glances.
Seeing him like this was probably a picture of pure sadness. He hadn't been happy since he left. Although he did it because she just didn't deserve to have to deal with his problems. Looking back it probably wad the dumbest decision he has ever made.
He knew she' needed him in more than one occasion and the feeling was mutual. He'd thought about just going back and pulling her into his arms and forget all that ever happened.
But she'd been so cold at work and he really couldn't blame her. He would have reacted the same way. Hell, he had reacted the same way. Thinking back to the time shortly after they had broken up the first time. The first two or three weeks had been so tense between them.
Right now though, he finally wanted to do the right thing. His mom's ring was burning a hole into the pocket of his jeans. He was finally divorced and damn it, 'cause he wanted nothing more than the fairytale and happily ever after with the woman he loved.
He knew she deserved so much than him. And he certainly didn't deserve her. She was so great despite of all the shit she's been through. But then again probably not despite but because of. She knew what it wad like on the bottom and didn't want to reach that point again. They've both been there for different reasons.
Now he was sitting here, waiting, praying for her to show up. He would look up every time the door opened until he saw the familiar face of his brother, a concerned frown on the redheads forehead and an envelope in his hand.
Jay sat up a little straighter in his chair, knowing that the look on his brothers face meant no good. "What's going on?" he asked, not bothering to greet the older Halstead.
"Do you know what's going on with Erin? I mean other than what you've told me?" The younger man's brows shot up in confusion. "Uh ... last I heard from her, her mom was in FBI custody. She looked tired. Why? What happened?"
Will rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. He hated to do this. "I just saw her outside. She was standing in front of the door like a statue. She asked me to give you this" he handed the envelope to boys brother "and ... and she told me to tell you that she's sorry."
Jay starred at the piece of paper in his hands his name was written in it. The handwriting all too familiar.
"I uh" he looked up, his eyes finding the ones of his brother. "I need..." "Go home. I'll see you there" Will interrupted and earned a thankful smile and a clap on the shoulder. Only seconds later, Jay was out the door.
--
The drive to Will's had never seemed so long, even though he felt like he broke every traffic law that existed.
His hands were shaking as he tried to open the front door. After finally succeeding he took of his shoes and propped down on the couch. He was nervous as he opened the envelope, not knowing what you expect, although he had the feeling it was nothing good.
Dear Jay,
You have no idea how wrong it feels to write this letter and I kind of don't know how to put everything that happened into words.
You will probably be mad at me or even hate me after this. I know I should be telling you this in person but I can't. Just promise me one thing, will you? Don't be mad at Voight. We both know you would be fighting a losing battle.
He couldn't suppress but chuckle at that.
I told you about Bunny being in FBI custody. Well, that was only half of the story. I had a visitor last night. FBI Agent Jennifer Spencer. She was the one arresting my mom. And then she made me an offer. Well, it wasn't exactly an offer. She said I've been on their radar for a while now and that Hank had shut them down every time they tried to get me. (You have to believe me when I tell you I didn't know about any of this.) But this time Hank told them that "my situation had changed". He wanted me to have an out. Agent Spencer said Bunny would be free of all charges if I came to work with them. You know me , Jay. You know I hate her for everything she's done to mess up my life but she's still my mother. And even though I don't want it to be, this job is still an amazing opportunity. They want me for undercover work and damn it but I'm good at that.
End of the story is I'm moving to New York in a couple of days.
I love you, Jay. You know I do. And I know you love me too. And trust me when I say I would go back to a time where there was an 'us'.
I hope that some day you can forgive me and maybe we'll have another chance. Just promise to take care of yourself.
I love you,
Erin
He didn't know how many times he had read that letter. Trying to understand everything she wrote.
He found that he didn't know how to feel about everything. He wasn't mad or angry. He wasn't even sure he felt anything that particular moment.
He waa confused. On the other side did he understand why she'd written a letter instead of talking to him personally. She didn't know what they were and neither did he.
He'd told Will that they weren't together. And he didn't lie. They really weren't. Not exactly. Not since he left her to deal with his shit alone instead of letting her in.
He regretted his decision to do so. They wouldn't be at this point where she'd write a letter, telling him she would be going to live in New York. They would probably still be together and hell, maybe he would already have proposed by now.
He didn't know. And he had the bad feeling that he'd never find out.
A/N: I know it's like really short but I didn't know what to write anymore. I'm not exactly happy with the letter I threw together and I want you guys to tell me what to think about it.
As always, if there are any mistakes, tell me and leave me your love in comments.
Luv u