Chapter 32: Just Beneath the Surface
Those who ruled the Troll Kingdom, The Troll Lords, did not meet very often and when they did it was never about anything like crops or their economy, especially since they didn't have either of those. A meeting between the Troll Lords, always ended with the same result: war. The Troll Kingdom's society was highly disorganized but made up for all of their deficiencies with brute strength. Whenever there was a lack of something in the Troll Kingdom, the trolls would simply raid any nearby countries taking whatever they want.
It was because of this particular way of doing things that led to the current circumstances. When the forest was set ablaze a few weeks ago all of the animals the trolls hunted for food had to flee their habitats while the trolls tried to keep the fires under control, without much success. And so, with the lack of available food, the four Troll Lords gave the only orders that would make sense to them. As usual, it was to raid the neighboring countries. The closest, and easiest, ones to raid for trolls at the moment being the City State Alliance and the Baharuth Empire.
Unfortunately, they were unaware of the new regime that had come into power and thus had no idea what awaited them.
Spoiler Alert: It was Death Knights.
The battle was quick, bloody, and overall unimportant. The Death Knights took no casualties while the force of about 200 trolls was utterly decimated.
"….And that's how it happened," the former Queen Draudillon, now a member of the Imperial Senate, finished her report to Director Demiurge in his office at the embassy in Arwintar. Although she should've been back in the territory that had once been the Draconic Kingdom, now the Draconic Annex, but because the beastmen and what was left of her kingdom were still being incorporated into the Eternal Empire she was kept in Baharuth with other refugees from her country. She was close enough to her the Draconic Annex to be able to assist and by helping around the embassy she was able to keep an eye on the Eternal Empire's activities. If anything good had come out of handing her country over to Lucifer, it was the fact that she no longer had to make herself look like a loli. Her true form was that of a dark-skinned woman with red eyes, purple hair, and GREAT boobs wearing an elegant red dress. Oh yeah, and she had dragon wings sprouting from her back. Did I forget to mention that? Demiurge hid a smirk as he mulled over the news.
At last. Those mongrel trolls certainly took their time putting together a raiding party after Pandora's Actor lit their precious forest ablaze. Now all we need to do is force them solely focus on the City State Alliance. No one can fault Nazarick for coming to the aid of a country that's getting eaten by trolls.
"Thank you for bringing this to me Senator Draudillon. I shall devise the appropriate contingencies and ensure our emperor is informed," Demiurge said with an elegant bow as an evil smirk worked its way onto his face.
Down in the icy depths of Nazarick's 5th floor's Frozen Prison, Omega, Shalltear, and Lucifer stood before their latest prisoner, the Deep Darkness Dragon Lord Mortis, who's entire body, except for his head, was encased incased in ice. Lucifer had a slightly agitated expression on his face while Omega and Shalltear looked quite pleased with themselves. Mortis, on the other hand, had an uncharacteristically fearful look in his eyes.
"Ladies, care to explain?" Lucifer sighed.
"This dragon trespassed on our territory, without apologizing might I add, and caused a significant setback on the construction of your city, my lord," Omega reported. "And so I led the Pleiades into battle with this dragon and together we managed to hold it off until Lady Shalltear arrived."
"And then I put this overgrown lizard in its place!" Shalltear exclaimed proudly as she puffed out her chest.
"You acted admirably Shalltear, but that isn't what I'm asking," Lucifer said in a slightly frustrated tone. "What I'm curious about is how you brought him down here in the first place."
"With this!" Shaltear proclaimed as she held up a duffel bag labeled: BDSM.
That doesn't answer any of my questions. Fuck it.
"I see. Excellent work Shalltear," Lucifer praised the shorter vampire with a nod of his head, pretending to understand what Shalltear did, although, in reality, he wasn't so sure he wanted to know anymore.
"Th-thank you, father," Shalltear stammered with a blush. "It is our pleasure to serve."
"Additionally, my lord, he had this with him," Omega spoke up as she handed Five Elements Overcoming over to her master.
Holy fucking shit that's Five Elements Overcoming. IT'S ONE OF THE TWENTY! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS DRAGON GET ITS CLAWS ON IT!?
"Five Elements Overcoming," Lucifer muttered as he examined the ever-changing scripture, hiding his inner turmoil, before turning to the captive Dragon Lord. "Care to tell me where you got this?"
"You know what it is?" Mortis asked, eyes widened.
"Obviously. It is a powerful relic that allows one to alter the nature of magic itself."
"Who are you people?"
"I am known as the Immortal Emperor, Father of all Vampires, and the God of Life and Death. My name is Lucifer Dracul, ruler of the Eternal Empire," Lucifer introduced himself with a hint of superiority. "This is one of my maids, Aureole Omega, and my daughter, Shalltear Bloodfallen."
"She, the one who defeated me, is your daughter?" Mortis inquired as he stared Lucifer, failing to notice the shorter, blushing vampire. "You mean to tell me that she's a demigod?"
"I suppose that's one way of looking at it," Lucifer shrugged, ignoring the dragon's mumbling about "so that's why she was able to defeat me so easily" and pressing on. "However, you have failed to answer my question. Where did you get this?"
"I acquired it from a mighty opponent who called himself a "player," although his apprentice managed to escape," Mortis replied with his scaly eyebrows furrowed. "The one who called himself a "player" was a Naga with exceptional skills in assassination. He never introduced himself but when he told his apprentice to run, she called out to him. "Master Lurk" is what she called him."
"You said he was a Naga," Lucifer mused as an image sprang to mind. "Did this Naga happen to have a red bandana covering his face and arms covered in bandages?"
"Yes, that sounds like him. How did you know?"
That idiot got sent here too? If I remember correctly, Lurk24 was about level 60 or so when the game shut down. That noob was always trying to take on Touch Me even though he never employed strategy. All he ever did was constant button mashing. I didn't really know him, but he popped up often enough to leave a rather annoying impression.
"He was….. a minor nuisance I was unfortunately acquainted with," Lucifer finally answered.
"I see," Mortis muttered, not entirely sure how to respond. "It was a difficult battle, but I emerged victorious."
That's not right. According to [Discern Enemy] Mortis is similar to a level 90 boss, so why was Lurk able to put up such a fight?
"If I remember correctly, Lurk was quite a weak assassin," Lucifer stated. "How was able to put up a fight against an entity such as yourself?"
"He had a powerful sword. Razor Edge is what I believe it was called," Mortis responded.
Razor Edge…. Come to think of it, that was the sword Gazef had with him when we met on Katze Plains before he gave it to Climb. Dammit. I should've analyzed that weapon when I had the chance.
"This woman who was with Lurk, who was she?"
"It was only years later when I visited my colleague, the Platinum Dragon Lord, at the floating city of Eryuentiu did I learn her name," Mortis thought out loud. "Apparently she worked with him in the years that followed during his time in the Thirteen Heroes. Her name was Izaniya, who the assassins of Ijaniya eventually named themselves after."
"Is that right?" Lucifer mused before turning his attention back to Mortis. "Tell me, what have you been doing all this time with Five Elements Overcoming anyway?"
"I have been attempting to decipher the strange texts within the scroll, but the scripture keeps changing making it damn near impossible to translate."
"I can see why he's having a problem," Shalltear interjected as she peered over Lucifer's shoulder to stare at the scroll. "Even I can't figure out what this says or how to use it."
That's because it doesn't mean anything. The shitty devs just made up a bunch of symbols and put e'm on the item to make it look cool.
"It would be impossible for either of you to understand as it is written in the language of the Elder Gods," Lucifer lied. "Only a god can understand it."
"So, does that mean you can understand it my lord?" Omega inquired.
"I can read it, yes."
"WHAT!?" Mortis bellowed. "I've been attempting to decipher this scroll for centuries, and you're telling me you already know how to read it!?"
"Was that not just made clear?"
"My lord!" Mortis suddenly exclaimed as he lowered his head, the only part of him that wasn't frozen, in submission. "I have devoted nearly three centuries to deciphering that scroll. It would not be outlandish to say that it has been my life's work. If you would allow me to see the results of its use, I would be forever grateful to you."
"I see. I could use a powerful creature such as yourself," Lucifer said as he handed the WCI over to Omega. "I have no intentions of using it just yet, but should I ever have a reason to use it, I will inform you. Omega, take the scroll and lock it away in the vault before you thaw him out. Once you are done come report back to me, I have a few tasks I need you to carry out. Shalltear, come with me. You will serve as my bodyguard once again."
"Yes my lord!"
"Yes father!"
Angela cringed as she watched yet another holy text thrown into the inferno. After the Immortal Emperor had left Roble, he left several platoons of Death Knights to maintain order in the destroyed Holy Kingdom, now annexed by the Eternal Empire. Angela and Vega had been charged with ensuring the peaceful integration of demihumans while leading their respective people through these difficult times. What caused Angela's heart to sink was the arrival of nearly 200 Zuranon cultists who, on the orders of their new master, Lucifer Dracul, began purging the city of Roble of everything that was deemed "detrimental to building and maintaining a prosperous society." This mostly meant the burning of anything that worshipped the Six Great Gods, called for the elimination of nonhumans, or anything else that was seen as contradictory to Lucifer's ideology. The bastards were making a big show out of it too. They hoisted up the Eternal Empire's banners all over the place, created a massive bonfire, and started marching around the fire in circles shouting "Nema!" (Amen pronounced backwards), and set up an effigy of Jaldabaoth in the middle which now resembled nothing more than a person on a cross burning. There was even a skeleton marching band playing a dark militaristic victory tune (I imagine the first minute and a half of Sabaton's Rise of Evil or an instrumental version of The Beautiful People, but I doubt anyone will actually look it up).
"How did this happen?" Angela whispered to herself as she tried to hold back tears at the sight of the Holy Kingdom's history being engulfed in flames.
"Your people aren't particularly happy with you," Vega spoke up as he emerged from the shadows from behind Angela. Angela frowned as he approached. She had grown used to him being around since they were both ensuring the continued cooperation between humans and nonhumans in the city, but that didn't mean she liked him. He DID kill her sister after all, can't necessarily blame her. She would throw a tantrum about him every now and then, but the past week of living under the Eternal Empire's boot had made her position of powerlessness abundantly clear. She had managed to kill a Death Knight during one of her outbursts, but just barely. The other Death Knights hadn't taken kindly to that and gave an ass-whooping she would never forget. It was a sobering to realize that even she, who was regarded as one of the strongest on the continent, was only barley able to overcome the average foot soldier of the Eternal Legion. She hadn't made a scene since then.
"What are you talking about?" Angela growled.
"I'm saying that your people have abandoned your beliefs and latched onto whatever keeps them safe."
"Despite that, it's unnatural to simply throw one's beliefs out the window that quickly."
"You and your sister failed to protect them whereas the Eternal Empire has saved them and is protecting them," Vega pointed out. "With all the new goods being brought in over the past week, construction, and new laws that have been set up, the citizens feel as if they can focus on simply living instead of having to worry about another demon invasion or something similar. All they have to do is embrace Dracul and let him fly his banner over their homes and in return their lives improve."
"So what? You think we should just abandon the gods?"
"I think you're being stubborn."
"And I think you're too trusting."
"How do you mean?"
"I'm stubborn and a bit rash, I can acknowledge that," Angela grunted, ignoring how Vega scoffed at the "a bit" part. "But my warrior's instincts are rarely incorrect. Lucifer Dracul, although he says pleasant things and offers prosperity, is undoubtedly evil. He and Jaldabaoth may have been enemies, but I get the feeling that he somehow directed that demon to attack the Holy Kingdom in order to force us to submit to him. He is the worst kind of villain, the kind that convinces the world that he is a hero, a messiah." Vega stared at her, unused to the wingless Valkyrie speaking of such serious things.
"No," Vega said as he shook his head and held his hand to it. "If that were true, then that would make his highness the single greatest evil to appear in the world EVER. Even more sinister the Eight Greed Kings. I refuse to believe that the world could be swallowed up by darkness so quickly."
"Believe what you will," Angela scoffed. "But the number of opportunities we will have to subvert the Antichrist are dwindling and when the time comes, I know which side of the battlefield I will stand on. Do you?"
Enri let out a yawn as she and Nfirea got out of bed. It was early in the morning and the past week had been extraordinarily busy. The Dwarven Runesmiths had arrived a few days ago with an injured elf. Enri, unsure of what else to do, handed the elf over to Hekkeran and Imina at their church where an Elder Lich who was capable of using healing magic could look after her. Ever since then, she and Gondo had been directing the golems provided by the Immortal Emperor to create the Dwarven Workshops. The day began as usual, feed Nemu, look around the village to make sure everything was okay, and check in with Jugem to make sure there were security related issues. However, her daily routine was brought to an abrupt end when Hekkeran caught her trying to sneak off to see Nfirea.
"Yo chief!" he shouted with a knowing smirk on his face.
"Y-Yes Hekkeran, can I help you?" she asked with an embarrassed look on her face, hoping he didn't know where she was going.
"Chief, you weren't trying to sneak away for some private time with Nfirea again were you?" Hekkeran teased.
"Sh-shut up," Enri stutters. "You and Imina do the same thing in Lord Dracul's church so you have no right tease me about these things."
"True, but Imina and I don't really care if anyone catches us."
"You two are just….." Enri sighed. "Whatever. Can I assume that you came over to speak to me for a reason other than to tease me?"
"Yeah, you remember that elf the dwarves brought in?"
"Of course."
"She's come to. Figured you'd want to have a few words with her," Hekkeran said as he started leading Enri towards the church.
"Has she said anything since she woke up?" Enri asked while walking in sync with the former worker.
"Not much other than her freaking out about being surrounded by humans. The Elder Lich had to use a spell to get her to calm down," Hekkeran replied with a nonchalant shrug as they finally arrived at the gothic style church erected in worship to Lord Dracul. The Carne Village church, like all other churches erected by Lucifer Dracul, was made of black granite and had red tinted windows that reached from a person' hips to the high reaching ceiling. "After you, chief," Hekkeran said with exaggerated politeness as he held the door open for Enri, who rolled her eyes and stepped inside. In the back of the church, where people came in for healing, a young elf was in bed with her blonde hair up in a ponytail. Her big green eyes stared at the newcomers, but repeatedly glanced back the Elder Lich hovering over her. Understandable. They're not the friendliest looking of creatures.
"Um, hi," Enri greeted the elf, unsure of how to start this conversation. "My name Enri, I'm the chief of this village. Can I ask your name?"
"M-Myriah," the elf girl, now identified as Myriah, stuttered.
"Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?" Enri asked, resulting in Myriah to stare at her in suspicion.
"Where am I? W-why am I here?"
"Shit, I dunno. It can't possibly be because Gondo found you passed out in the middle of the road," Hekkeran said sarcastically.
"G-Gondo?"
"He's one of the dwarves who lives here," Enri answered before Hekkeran could continue to be an ass.
"Dwarves l-live here? With humans?"
"That's just how things work here in the Eternal Empire," Enri replied with a smile. "All sorts of dehmihumans and heteromorphic creatures live here. We even have undead like that Elder Lich behind you."
"I-I've never heard of the Eternal Empire b-before."
"By the Supreme Being," Hekkeran muttered under his breath. "She's got some catching up to do."
Jigsaw sent the latest batch of Death Knights off to receive their orders. With all the corpses that he and Demiurge had acquired from the invasion of the Holy Kingdom, he was surprised that he had even managed to finish with a quarter of them, and yet he still had thousands of other corpses to turn. However, due to the company he was expecting, he would have to put his work on hold for a bit. The moment the doors to the Dead House's slaughterhouse were opened, Jigsaw knew who had entered from his very presence.
"Welcome, my lord," Jigsaw spun around and kneeled to greeted his master as Lucifer walked in with the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown in hand and Shalltear close behind him.
"Glad to see that things are progressing here Jigsaw," Lucifer drawled as he took note of the meat hooks hanging from the ceiling and the conveyor belts covered in body parts before glancing down at the still kneeling Jigsaw. "You may rise."
"Thank you," Jigsaw replied as he rose to his feet. "It's a pleasure to see you too mistress Bloodfallen."
"The feeling is mutual Jigsaw," Shalltear responded as she started glancing around at all the body parts, boxes of guts, and barrels of blood. "Jigsaw, would you mind if I took one or two of these barrels for myself? Aura keeps hiding my drinks, little gnat."
"Business first Shalltear," Lucifer interrupted. "There are two reasons I'm here, Jigsaw. Would you mind calling over your second in command? It would be best if she was aware of the situation."
"Of course sir. Clementine! Get your blonde arse over here lass! Our master is here!" Jigsaw shouted over the sounds of machinery. Not even twenty seconds later, Clementine scurried over to her creator and his master. The moment she laid eyes on Lucifer, for the first time since he had killed her back during the undead massacre of E-Rantel, fear took over. Her eyes went wide, she felt like she was going to throw up, and she couldn't bare the thought of going through that ordeal again.
"Please my lord! Please don't send me back there!" she practically wailed as she sunk to her knees. "Why are you here? Have I displeased you? Please don't send me back, there is nothing but demons and monsters where you sent me!"
Holy shit, hell is real? No wait, if Tamriel is also on this planet then it would be safe to say that she was sent to Oblivion.
"You are safe from me for the time being, Clementine. Now be silent. You are here merely to listen," Lucifer ordered harshly as he lifted his former nuisance off the floor. "Jigsaw, I understand you have an update for me concerning Albedo's pregnancy?"
"Yes sir! It's far greater than I ever hoped!" Jigsaw exclaimed. "Twins sir! Bloody twins! Both male, both healthy, and both expected to be delivered within the next four weeks!" Lucifer's emotion suppression kicked in several times during that sentence.
Twins? Twins. TWINS!? FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. I was barely mentally prepared for one vampire/demon spawn! But two of them!? Ok. Ok. Be calm. You're a man who trying to rule the world for fucks sake! You can handle a couple of kids! I hope….
"I see. Thank you for the update Jigsaw," Lucifer said, not showing any of the inner turmoil he was experiencing. "However there is one other matter that demands your attention."
"Oh?"
"Shalltear and I heading out to investigate the floating city of Eryuentiu," Lucifer informed the madman. "I want you there to study it. I intend to bring it under our control."
"Very good my lord!" Jigsaw perked up, ecstatic to be going on an adventure with his creator. "Clementine! You're in charge until I get back. Make sure our operations continue to run smoothly. Cock it up and I'll throw you in the bloody Black Capsule. Got it lass?"
"Yes sir!" Clementine replied with a salute, managing to hide her fear until the terrifying trio left. The moment they were gone she scurried off to ensure that nothing went wrong. After all, no one wants to be put in the Black Capsule.
Brain, Freddon, and the rest of the National Liberation Party were charging through the streets of E-Pespel. After the events of the Demonic Invasion of the Holy Kingdom, the National Liberation Party and Zuranon had salvaged enough weapons and armor to field an army. After transporting these supplies back to the NLP base, Freddon, Brain, Climb, and Sebas distributed the weapons among the hundreds of members active within E-Pespel and began a push to defeat the Noble Faction's mercenaries with the intention of driving them out so they could begin their push back to the Re-Estize capitol. Now E-Pespel had been plunged into chaos. Currently, Freddon and Brain were leading on offensive on one of the storehouses where the nobles had ordered all the city's food be stored. As Lucifer had predicted, the nobles were hoarding it for themselves.
"Freddon! Another one on your left!" Brain shouted as he carved through another mercenary with his katana.
"Got it!" Freddon exclaimed as he bashed his attacker with his shield before striking him in the face with his mace. "We've got more incoming!"
"Oh, fuck this!" Brain yelled as several enemies closed in on their group.
Time to test out the ability I created just for that monster, Shalltear.
"[Nail Clipper]!" Brain bellowed as he activated his newest martial art and slicing through several opponents simultaneously before pointing his katana at the remaining mercenaries. "Give up. You're outnumbered and surrounded." The remaining mercenaries cringed as the searched frantically for any means of escape, but in vain. Upon seeing the corpses of their comrades crumple to the ground and seeing how easily Brain had dispatched them, many of them decided that continuing to defend a stockpile of food really wasn't worth it. One by one they grimaced and dropped their weapons, allowing themselves to be taken prisoner.
"How come that never works when I do it?" Freddon muttered as the prisoners were taken away.
"Because you couldn't be intimidating if your life depended on it," Brain smirked before growing serious. "Any idea where Sebas ended up?"
"He said he was headed to the Nobles' base of operations in the city to take out the enemy's leadership and secure this city once and for all. Some noble prick named Phillip or something," Freddon replied with a shrug.
"Alone?"
"Yeah. Believe it or not the old man is a badass."
"You don't have to convince me," Brain said as he thought back to the events that transpired when he first met Sebas.
The mayors of the City State Alliance had gathered once again for the first time since the founding of the Eternal Empire. Considering how things had turned out during that meeting, the mayors weren't thrilled to be meeting like this again. Due to their close proximity with the former Baharuth Empire and Mayor Kabelia's relationship with Jircniv, they had learned of what transpired at Katze Plains quicker than most. The reactions from the mayors had greatly differed. There were those who insisted upon sending spies to E-Rantel, those who wanted to be patient and see what the Immortal Emperor's next move would be, a few idiots who wanted to take up arms against the Antichrist, and one or two that actually suggested an alliance with him. That was the problem with their system. If they didn't have the adequate number of votes they couldn't really do anything. In the end, everyone had left frustrated and angry with each other, not looking forward to the next meeting and many deciding to do whatever they could to delay it.
Until today that is.
Normally, when one of the cities is experiencing turmoil, the mayor in charge of that specific city will attempt to resolve the crisis on their own.
But with trolls attacking their cities, they couldn't afford to delay or strive to be independent from each other. Troll raids were not uncommon do to their close proximity with the Troll Kingdom, but simultaneous attacks on several of their cities was clearly not a simple raid. And so, in light of the troll threat, the mayors had reconvened in Gellara. Gellara was the only city in the country that didn't have a mayor. It was a city that was built through the collective efforts of all of the mayors of the City State Alliance and was established as neutral ground for feuding city states, the capitol city for visiting delegates, and where the mayors would gather to debate and make administer policy throughout the rest of the country. In the very center of the city was a larger than life statue of the Dark Knight of the Thirteen Heroes. Within the City State Administration Building, all of the mayors that didn't have trolls attacking their cities had attended to discuss what could be done about the current predicament. That said, out of all the mayors in the City State Alliance, it was only four of them that really made the decisions.
"Although the walls of our cities are holding, we are unable to push the trolls back," reported Mayor Puro Fai, the fairy mayor of Karnik who was respected for being kind and fair, reported to her fellow mayors. "Ragola, Yix, Drollu, Squolom, Lios, and Alomnos remain under siege."
"For now, it appears that we are at a stalemate," grunted Mayor Datorum Zabek, the scarred human mayor of Sumikar known for his heartlessness and the persistent rumors that he had once been a bandit. He was a skinny man dressed in a suit and tie he had bought during his travels in the southern regions, had slicked back blue hair, and had a suspicious look to him. "While the residents cannot leave the cities in question, the trolls are unable to get to them so we have time to devise a plan."
"Kabelia, have you heard anything from Jircniv regarding the recent attacks?" Mayor Hosif Kellinci asked. He was a rabbitman who was missing one of the long ears associate with his kind, lost in battle. He would've looked like an intimidating grizzled veteran if it hadn't been for his one remaining ear.
"All contact with Baharuth was cut off after their surrender to the Eternal Empire," Mayor Westerna Kabelia sighed. She was dressed in refined purple, kept her dark hair in a bun, and wore glasses. She was a stern looking woman with a disposition similar to Yuri Alpha. "Jircniv hasn't sent anything out fear that it may be intercepted by the Immortal Emperor Lucifer Dracul."
Not even a love letter.
"Are you alright Kabelia?" Kellinci asked. "Your face seems a bit red."
"I'm fine," Kabelia responded dismissively as she banished such thoughts from her head. "Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we should deal with the trolls? We can't let the citizens of the City State Alliance starve while being besieged by trolls."
"The adamantite ranked adventurers of Silver Thread Bird have established a base here in the city," Fai mused. "Perhaps we can pay them to fight the trolls one city at a time and give our soldiers some room to maneuver?"
"We could also hire assassins from Ijaniya to assist us," Zabek proposed.
"Absolutely not," Kabelia snapped. "I will not legitimize that murderous scum in such a time of crisis."
"I concur," Kellinci spoke up with a nod of his head. "Could we ask for assistance from the other nearby countries?"
"That would be unwise," Fai sighed. "It would jeopardize the principle of in dependence this alliance was founded on and I wouldn't expect anyone to assist us anyway. The Slane Theocracy won't help because of our nonhuman citizens, the Re-Estize Kingdom is in the middle of a civil war, the Agrand Council is too far away, the Elves are at war with the Theocracy, and the Eternal Empire….. well…... I doubt that a vampire such as Lucifer Dracul is a benevolent man."
"Indeed," Kellinci shuddered. "We've all heard about what happened at Katze Plains."
"So for the time being we shall rely on Silver Thread Bird and seek assistance only if it is absolutely necessary. Any objections?" Zabek asked, receiving no response. "Then this session will come to a close. We will reconvene tomorrow evening."
Corvo sighed as he entered the Kaldwin residence for the first time since the Demonic Invasion. Jessamine would doubt give him an earful again about leaving without telling her….. again.
"Jessamine, I'm back," Corvo called out gruffly. The moment those words left his mouth, there was a loud bang from upstairs and Jessamine ran down to him faster than the goddamn Roadrunner.
"Corvo!" she yelled as she grabbed him by his trench coat with an uncharacteristically angry look on her face. "Do you know how worried I was? You just left with the Black Scripture to fight a bunch of demons without even telling me!"
"Ummmm sorry?" Corvo muttered/asked. Jessamine kept yelling t him but at this point he kinda just tuned her out.
Why is she so worked up about this?
His thoughts were interrupted however when Jessamine smacked him across his face before kissing him. The make out session continued for about a minute until Jessamine pulled away with her usual grin on her face and walked off humming a merry tune. Corvo just stood there with a blank look on his face.
What the fuck just happened?
Troll Lord Gral the Toll Troll was a greedy individual, but unlike his fellow Troll Lords he was smart enough to know when something wasn't worth pursuing out of pride or chest-pounding bravado. He learned to speak like the humans through his dealings with the Eight Fingers, whom he had not heard from in a while now, and wore what appeared to be an attempt at a noble's coat made from the pelts of dozens of animals. He preferred to use his head instead of the brute strength that trolls liked to solve all of their problems with. So when he found a man in an orange suit wearing glasses in his home, he decided to attempt negotiations first.
"Care to explain what you're doing in my home?" Gral asked as he reached into a dirty cupboard and started delicately pouring wine into small crystal glasses that looked comical when compared to his large hands. Gral's home, like most of the Troll Lords', was an old and decayed castle that had been abandoned during the reign of the Eight Greed Kings. It was decrepit, vine-covered, and not the homiest of homes, but it was HIS.
"I have information I think you would like to hear, as well as an offer," the man smirked as he stepped closer. "My name is Director Demiurge of the Eternal Empire."
"I've never heard of your empire," Gral stated suspiciously.
"We haven't been around that long, but we have expanded our borders at an exponential rate."
"So why are you here?"
"You and your fellow Troll Lords recently sent some of your men to raid our territory, the former Baharuth Empire. I was told to inform you that regrettably, none of them will be returning home," Demiurge smirked. Gral turned to glare at the demon but kept his emotions in check, something that most trolls were completely incapable of unless motivated by fear.
"Care to explain how you found this place? The locations of the Troll Lords' homes is usually not well known among human nations."
"We had several different sources of information," Demiurge replied dismissively. "The Eight Fingers, or what's left of them, were kind enough to give my emperor the relevant information and the rest we acquired from one of milord's vassals, Go Gin."
"I know that name," Gral muttered. "He was the one of the toughest warriors I knew, a member of Rex's tribe, and an old friend of mine. He was exiled for going against tradition. It's a shame old man Rex is set in his ways." Gral grimaced as he thought about the troll he hated more than any other of his kind. The Troll Lord Rex was a War Troll who wore a helmet made from the skull of a dragon that he had killed and wore a necklace made of human, elf, and beastman skulls. Out of all of the Troll Lords, he was the oldest of them all having fought back in their first war with the beastmen. He was a traditionalist that was set in his ways, which mostly consisted of eating people, treating the other countries as a food supply, and fighting whenever possible. He was regarded as the unofficial leader of the Troll Kingdom so, unfortunately, his decisions tended to be the ones that mattered.
He's keeping us trapped in the past, unwilling to advance. Has he ever considered what would happen if too many humans were eaten? What if another entity such as the Eight Greed Kings emerges and destroys our food supply? We need to be prepared for when things go wrong.
"I can your sense hatred of this other Troll Lord," Demiurge grinned. "My lord wants to uplift the trollish people and invite them into our empire."
"And why would I do that?" Gral asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Because an important step in ensuring that happens is to dispose of Troll Lord Rex. Additionally, I understand that whoever holds the position of Troll King is able to make any decision for the rest of the Troll Kingdom uncontested."
"Do you realize what you're asking?" Gral sighed as he rubbed his forehead. "There hasn't been a Troll King since the founding of this country. The only way someone can ascend to that position is by defeating all of the Troll Lords at once. No one has ever been able to manage that."
"You just let my master worry about that," Demiurge sneered as he handed a folder over to Gral. "This is all you need to concern yourself with for the time being. We'll be in touch." And with that, Demiurge began to walk out of Gral's castle. It was only at this point did Gral finally notice Demiurge's tail.
The Eternal Empire isn't an exclusively human nation, is it?
Eryuentiu, the floating city of the Eight Greed Kings. It was a legendary location that was shunned by society as a location synonymous with evil. That said, it didn't stop people from heading there. Do to the unlimited water supply that flowed down to the ground from the floating city, a sprawling metropolis had been built underneath it in order to have access to the resources. The city, known simply as Sin, was built over the course of hundreds of years originally as a single outpost that treasures hunters, explorers, and adventurers had built as a place of rest when exploring the Eight Greed King's dreaded floating fortress. Overtime, more and more people were drawn there and the site began to expand. These people mostly consisted of outcasts, exiles, criminals, those seeking a new beginning, and those shunned by society. There were no laws regarding religion or race, as a matter of fact, there weren't any laws at all. The most the city had in terms of maintaining order was a peace keeping force that kept things from getting out of hand, but for the most part, although the city was a rough place, the most trouble the residents experienced were bar fights that could might occasionally escalate into drunken riots. It was as if the entire city was an Adventurer's Guild. There was only one unspoken rule in Sin: if you had the balls to come all the way out here to a place with one of the worst reputations on the continent, then you were welcomed with open arms. Human or nonhuman, rich or poor, young or old, it didn't matter in a city where everyone was regarded as a freak wherever they came from. In this city, freaks stuck together.
Neia Baraja had learned all of this from personal experience when she fled here. She had been part of Angela's group during their first encounter with Jaldabaoth and had bared witness to that demon ripping off her wings. Angela had never bothered to check if she had survived or not because "she was an insignificant scribe." Neia had put up with Angela's bullshit throughout the entire journey to that village only because she was the Holy Kingdom's best hope but when she saw Angela humiliated by the Demon King Jaldabaoth, she lost hope and fled to the Southern Holy Kingdom and from there to Sin. Her intention had been to keep moving until she reached the Slane Theocracy, but the people here had welcomed her with open arms, not caring about her "criminal eyes." She quickly found work with a 57 year old man named Samuel Beechworth who used to work on building ships for naval exploration. Nowadays, he sought to do some exploring of his own and came here to Sin. With the rumors that the Platinum Dragon Lord had departed the floating city of Eryuentiu, it was the perfect opportunity to explore the infamous home of the Eight Greed Kings. Which brings her to her current situation.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" she screamed as she ran down one of Eryuentiu's lifeless streets pursued by three demons. She had kept most of her garb from the Holy Kingdom, the only new addition being the large pack of equipment on her back. "Dammit!" she yelled as another fireball flew past her head.
I've had it with demons! If I never see another demon for the rest of my life I'll die a happy woman!
She had weapons of course, but she wasn't confident enough in her skills with a sword to be able to defeat the demons that were chasing her. After she turned another corner, she saw Samuel armed with a crossbow taking aim at the demons behind her. Samuel was a grizzled old man wearing dirty clothes that had once belonged to a noble of the Baharuth Empire. He had looted a few nobles' homes during Jircniv's purge of the nobles. The bolt he fired flew past Neia and struck one of the demons, slowing it down, but failing to kill it.
"We gotta go!" Samuel yelled in a southern accent as the two of them took off down the streets again. The chase continued for another 15 minutes with not much changing other than turning down another street or the occasional fire ball or two. That is, until they turned down one more street and Neia collided with something knocking her down on her ass.
"[Triple Maximize Magic: Grasp Heart]," the "something" said coldly followed by the sounds of the demons crumpling to the ground. Neia slowly looked up from her sitting position to see who or what it was she had ran into. Anyone else would've thought that the tall man she had run into was death given human form. But Neia… was weird. Her eyes sparkled as she laid eyes his imposing figure. "Weak POPs," he muttered before looking down at Neia. "Are you alright?" he asked as knelt down to look at her, giving her an up close and personal view of his facial features. The red eyes that terrified hundreds did not affect Neia, if anything, she felt a certain kind calm wash over her. As for the rest of his face…..
HE'S SO HANDSOME!
"Miss?" he spoke up as he raised an eyebrow. Realizing that he was speaking to her, Neia blushed and shot up.
"Y-yes!" she stammered. "Th-thank you for helping us! My name is Neia B-baraja and this is Samuel Beechworth, may I ask who you are?"
"I am the Immortal Emperor Lucifer Dracul, ruler of the Eternal Empire. It is a pleasure to meet you Ms. Baraja," he replied in a charming manner.
"Th-the Immortal Emperor," Samuel finally spoke, gaping at the vampire before him. "Wh-what are you doing here?" Neia stared at Lucifer expectantly with her eyes wide and a small smile.
"I'm here to investigate this city and, if possible, bring it under my control," Lucifer responded nonchalantly as if it wasn't a big deal. Samuel's eyes went so wide they looked like they might pop out of his skull while Neia's eyes shone with admiration and awe. "Might I ask what you two are doing up here?"
"We're exploring the city and hoping to find some relics from the time of the Eight Greed Kings," Neia answered. "We've been up here for the past four days trying to find anything valuable, but all we found was this map." She held a ragged piece of parchment with the layout of Eryuentiu inscribed upon it. "It looks like whatever is left will probably have been moved to what is known as the Dark Council Chamber by the Platinum Dragon Lord."
"I see. Would you be able to lead me to it?" Lucifer inquired.
"Yes, but there are monsters there that no one can beat! No one has ever tried to enter the chamber and come back to tell the tale! It's impossible!" Neia exclaimed.
"But not for the Platinum Dragon, apparently," Lucifer smirked. "We will not be alone. Assist me, and I will make you reward you handsomely." Samuel perked up at this.
"Well, I suppose we can negotiate the price on the way there," Samuel mused. "But you said we wouldn't be alone. Where are your subordinates?"
"I'm right here you blind bloody wanker!" a voice came from directly behind Samuel, causing him to shriek, jump back, and turn around to face the British mad scientist wearing a plague doctor outfit known as Jigsaw. "Can I kill them milord?"
"No Jigsaw, you are not allowed to harm them," Lucifer sighed.
"Very well, Lord Dracul," Jigsaw said glumly as his shoulders drooped. Lucifer ignored the madman's sulking and looked off into the distance of Eryuentiu's sprawling metropolis.
"Shalltear! Front in center!" his voice boomed. Seconds later, a pale woman clad in red armor wielding a massive lance burst through the walls of a decayed building, landed in front of Lucifer, and saluted.
"You called for me father?" Shalltear stated more than asked with a smile on her face.
"Shalltear, please be careful about how much damage you cause to the structural integrity," Lucifer sighed. "We want this place to stay in one piece when we take over."
"Yes my lord, sorry my lord!" Shalltear cried with devotion evident in her voice. Neia stared at Lucifer with admiration throughout this entire exchange.
He must be an amazing ruler if he can command the loyalty of individuals this powerful!
"Our party has assembled," Lucifer stated. "Let us be off."
Ah, this reminds me of the good old days back in Yggdrasil.
Maximus sighed and ran a hand over his bald head as he finished reading the last of the reports concerning the Demonic Invasion of the Holy Kingdom.
"Yvon, care to explain your actions during this disaster?" he asked as he shot a glare at the Cardinal of Light.
"Yes your holiness, I apologize for my actions during the course of the assignment," the Cardinal of Light replied with an eerie calmness that was quite unlike him. "I allowed m emotions to get the better of me and I lost my head. I assure you it will not happen again. Additionally, I would like to apologize to Maximilian and Raymond for any trouble I caused them."
"It's alright Yvon," the Cardinal of Earth spoke up. "These have been trying times and we understand." The Cardinal of Darkness did not reply but eyed the Cardinal of Light suspiciously.
"As long as it doesn't happen again, I don't see an issue," the Cardinal of Fire stated.
"I agree," Maximus said with a nod before turning to the Cardinals of Earth and Darkness. "Now let me ensure that these reports are correct. Did you really work with the Immortal Emperor?"
"Unfortunately," the Cardinal of Earth replied. Maximus sighed at his response but carried on.
"Care to explain why you would work with that monster?" the Cardinal of Wind demanded.
"Necessity," the Cardinal of Darkness finally spoke up. "Jaldabaoth intended to wipe out the entire human race and…."
"WHAT!?" the Cardinal of Water yelled.
"May I finish?" the Cardinal of Darkness growled. No one made a sound and so he continued. "And we were hoping that by acting under the guise of assisting Lucifer Dracul we would be able to use the opportunity to locate Loginus. This attempt, however, was in vain." The Cardinal of Light's eyes had an unnatural glint as he smirked at the Cardinal of Darkness.
"Valid reasoning I suppose. Maximilian, Raymond, please distribute your reports to the other Cardinals," Maximus ordered. The Cardinals of Earth and Darkness did as they were told and for the next several minutes, the other Cardinals read in silence. Once they were finished, there were no shouts of indignation, no outcries of disbelief, and no real vocal reactions whatsoever. They had become used to hearing about Lucifer Dracul preforming feats that were considered impossible. All they had were depressed looks on their faces.
"So… who wants to start?" the Cardinal of Water asked glumly.
"I suppose I will," the Cardinal of Fire spoke up. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but did the Immortal Emperor truly create Momon?" The Cardinal of Darkness merely nodded. "How can an unholy abomination like him create a "perfect human" as he called it? Is it some manner of magic similar to advanced summoning spells? Or was this some horrible and unnatural creation alchemy such as some sort of advanced homunculi?"
"I'm afraid we don't know, but I suspect it is some sort of magic," the Cardinal of Earth replied. "After all, magic seems to be the Antichrist's greatest strength, so it is possible that he has found a way to create life itself and mold it in his image."
"The more disturbing notion that this information holds is that it raises the question" how many more of these false humans has that unholy abomination created and how do we know if there are any of them among us at this very moment?" the Cardinal of Darkness said solemnly. The Cardinals then began to glance around the room and gaze suspiciously at anyone who they didn't know on a first name basis, which was mostly the guards. The guards were doing the same.
"What of the events following Jaldabaoth's defeat?" the Cardinal of Wind murmured. "All of those demons, every last one of them, now serves the Eternal Empire? Every last one of them?"
"I'm afraid so," the Cardinal of Earth sighed.
"The Dark Elves, Dark Dwarves, and the Orcs have all banded together under the Dark Elf King Vega Connard who has in turn agreed to serve the Immortal Emperor?" the Cardinal of Water stated more than asked.
"Indeed," the Cardinal of Darkness said.
"And the entirety of the Holy Kingdom has succumbed to the Eternal Empire's rule?" the Cardinal of Wind asked although he feared that he already knew the answer.
"Pretty much," the Cardinal of Earth shrugged.
"So it is essentially the worst case scenario," Maximus spoke up.
"Yes your holiness," the Cardinal of Darkness replied.
"Well, we do have one bit of good news," Maximus spoke up with a tired smile on his face. "We received another note from the one who tipped us off about Lucifer Dracul's true name: Momonga." All of the Cardinals perked up at this and gave the Archbishop their undivided attention. "This time however, our source has elected not to remain entirely anonymous. He has addressed himself as Ainz Ooal Gown."
"Isn't that the name of Lucifer's empire of old?" the Cardinal of Wind asked.
"Indeed. In light of that, however, I believe that our mysterious benefactor has chosen this as an alias," Maximus continued. "He appears to be putting together a group with the sole purpose of defeating the Antichrist. Apparently he seeks an audience with us in an attempt to convince us to join him on his mission."
"The plot thickens," the Cardinal of Darkness murmured in a way so that no one could hear him.
"He has enclosed a wealth of information on his message as a sign of good faith," Maximus said. "I suggest you all examine the information closely before he gets here, but for tonight I recommend each of you helps yourself to an ale. Our work is just beginning. Praise the Six!"
"Praise the Six!" the other Cardinals chanted back. And with that, the meeting was adjourned. As they walked out of the room, the Cardinal of Darkness narrowed his eyes at the Cardinal of Light's retreating form.
He barely said a single damn word throughout the entire meeting. It's abnormal for a Cardinal not to voice their opinions, especially him. Something isn't right. He's hiding something and I'm going to find out what.
The Troll Lords, or at least the ones that had survived the massive fire that had engulfed their territories, had gathered at the Troll Kingdom's most sacred landmark, as a matter of fact it was the only thing they considered sacred, the War Totem. The War Totem was a massive tree that had all the battles that the Troll Kingdom took part in engraved into its bark. To the trolls it was a masterpiece of honor and glory. To anyone else it looked like a bunch of scribbles and random markings. The law of the Troll Kingdom was relatively simple: strength trumps all. Unfortunately, this meant that although the Troll Lords were strong, they weren't necessarily intelligent. Gral fought the urge to sneer at the remaining Troll Lords. There were only four of them left in total, counting himself.
The Troll Lord Drog was a Cave Troll who was missing an eye, wore armor that was made from scraps of bone and different pieces of armor gathered from of dozens of delicious humans. He was a battle-loving lunatic who wielded a spiked club that was bigger than his entire body. He was also an idiot, even by troll standards.
The Troll Lord Alz was a Mountain Troll who wore nothing but rags and had vines and fungus growing off his back. He was what would be described as the "strong and silent type." When he did speak, however, Gral could never under a single goddamn word that came out of his mouth, but for some reason, all the other trolls always knew what he was saying.
"How were our trolls beaten by mere humans?" Rex demanded. "We've raided the Baharuth Empire before and we made off with enough humans, so what happened this time?"
"The Baharuth Empire was apparently dissolved a few months ago," Gral reported. "It has fallen to another country known as the Eternal Empire which is ruled by the undead."
"Dead no taste good!" Drog yelled. "Not worth fight!"
"(Incomprehensible grunting noises)," Alz grunted.
"Wise words, Alz," Rex muttered in a begrudging tone. "The undead don't taste very good at all so we're better off focusing our attacks somewhere else. We should send all of our warriors and hunters to the City State Alliance and take everything we can!" Gral let out a small sigh of relief as those words left Rex's mouth. He knew that given Rex's hardheadedness as well as his fierce adherence to tradition he would go after the humans since fighting the undead offered very little benefits, but it was a weight off of his shoulders now that everything was going according to the plans of his new master: Lucifer Dracul. "I expect the rest of you to assemble your fighters and meet me on the battlefield or be branded a coward."
"Drog no coward!" Drog roared as he raised his club in the air.
"(Incomprehensible grunting noises)," Alz grunted with a nod.
"I'll be there," Gral said, hiding his discomfort at the thought that he might get caught up in the crossfire of Lucifer's plans.
The National Liberation Party had almost finished taking over E-Pespel. There were still a few pockets of resistance here and there, but for the most part, the nobles and their mercenaries had fled back to the capitol. However, with all of the freedom fighters out on the streets fighting the mercenaries and their heavy hitters such as Sebas, Brain, and Freddon leading the attacks, the mansion that they had used as their base of operations up until this point was currently lacking in security. This is why the assassins of Ijaniya picked this moment to strike. The assassins observed the remaining guards from the trees, searching for an opening.
"Madam Tian," one of them spoke up as he approached the leader. "We've finished scouting out the back. The only guard there is asleep. It's the perfect way in."
"Are there any indications Tina or Tia of Blue Rose are here?" she asked.
"No. They should be visiting the Eternal Empire at the moment."
"Good. They were trained in our ways and they may be able to recognize our infiltration, which would be inconvenient to say the least," Tian said coldly in order to mask the fact she still cared for her fellow twins. "Prepare to move on my mark."
"C-can you not d-do that?" a meek voice suddenly spoke up. Tian spun around to see a small elf crossdresser with heterochromatic eyes. "M-my lord told me to ensure you don't intervene."
"What is this little girl doing here?"
"You idiot, that's a boy!"
"Why is he dressed like a girl?"
"Meh."
"What's with that weird looking staff?"
"Should we kill her? Him? Whatever."
"Shut up!" Tian shouted. "I don't know who you are or your "lord" is, but not letting you stop us!"
"Oh," Mare muttered as his eyes seemed to glaze over. "Then pl-please be still or you might get hurt." And with that, Mare waved his staff, a divine class staff called the Shadow of Yggdrasil, and vines that seemingly grew from out of nowhere and entangled the assassins.
"Shit!"
"What the hell!?"
"I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning!"
"Meh."
"He's a fucking druid!"
"I still think it's a she!"
"Dammit! Do you know who we are? Who I am?" Tian roared before the vines snaked around her neck sand started to squeeze. She couldn't breath and she could feel her consciousness leaving her.
"All hail Lucifer Dracul," Mare said as Tian blacked out, but not before she saw what appeared to be a flash of silver race by them towards the mansion which Mare failed to notice.
Climb paced back and forth in Renner's chamber in the National Liberation Party's mansion/base. With most of the other members out in the city fighting the nobles' forces, Climb was currently the strongest fighter on the premises. Renner mostly kept her eyes on him as she sipped her tea, looking like she was daydreaming about him when in reality she was thinking how he would look good tied to her bed.
"Climb," she spoke up.
"Yes, princess?" Climb replied as he kept his eyes trained on the door.
"I was thinking," she began. "If the National Liberation Party succeeds in this civil war and I am made queen, I'm going to need a king." Climb stiffened at the thought but managed to respond nonetheless.
"I'm sure you will be able to pick a respectable man to be your king, milady," Climb responded, masking his discomfort.
"I was thinking that you should be my king," Renner said with a flirtatious smile. Climb spun around, red in the face, and stared at her.
"Wha-" he started to say when the door swung open and a tall man in silver armor burst into the room with a sword drawn. Climb swung Razor Edge in an attempt to stop the intruder but was swiftly disarmed in a display of swordsmanship that trumped even Gazef's abilities. With Climb disarmed, the silver man lunged toward Renner, raised his sword…..
"There!" he exclaimed as he stabbed her shadow. Renner and Climb stared as some sort of creature with bat wings as dark as the shadows themselves rose from Renner's shadow, shrieked, and died.
"Good," the man spoke in a heroic voice. "Now we can speak freely."
"What was that?" Climb gaped.
"A Shadow Demon. Spies that serve the Immortal Emperor and his empire. Now that it is dead, we may speak without Mo-Lucifer knowing what has transpired here."
"Who are you?" Renner asked as she backed away to stand behind Climb.
"My name is Ainz Ooal Gown. I have come because I acquire your assistance in order to defeat Lucifer Dracul and end his aspirations of world domination," the man, now identified as Ainz, replied.
"You need our help?" Climb asked, flabbergasted.
"More specifically, I require that sword," Ainz stated as he gestured towards Razor Edge as Climb retrieved it. "My own sword is substandard compared to what I would need to defeat Dracul and yours is the only weapon I have knowledge of that can harm him."
Except for Guilty Ordinance, which Zydrayis REFUSES to let me touch out of fear of reactivating Eryuentiu.
"What makes you think that you can defeat him?" Renner asked with narrowed eyes.
"He and I have done battle countless times and not once has he ever managed to defeat me," he said confidently. "However, the equipment I used back then is currently inaccessible to me so I've put together the best gear I can find in order to stand against him. That sword is the only weapon I can get my hands on that can actually hurt him, bringing my odds up to 50/50." Climb and Renner stared. When it came to defeating the Immortal Emperor, this was the best chance they could get. Renner had made dozens of plans to try to figure out how to defeat Lucifer Dracul, most of which involved tricking the populace into turning against him by forcing him to reveal his true nature. However, none of the plans could counter his personal strength as he could simply dominate every country with a single spell and, despite all her brains, there was no way she or anyone else could combat such power without even mentioning his armies. But apparently, this man had done battle with him before and emerged victorious. Even without whatever gear he used to have, it was a helluva lot more than they had previously hoped for.
"Climb, give it to him" Renner ordered firmly. Climb stepped forward holding out the sword for Ainz but hesitated.
"Do you really think you can defeat Lucifer Dracul?" Climb asked as he stared up into the armored behemoth's eyes.
"I think that this is our best shot," Ainz replied. Climb gave a nod of respect and handed the sword over.
"Give him hell."
Jury duty, finals, the holidays, forgetting to bring my laptop to New York, and worst of all: writer's block. It's been one delay after another with chapter. Glad it's done though.
HAIL AND KILL!