note: wordslingerand I like this thing, where women objectify hot men who hold cute children. This is gonna be in 3 parts I think? I think. All I know is that I can't commit to anything. Today's baby is Wendy!

man with the elsa bag

(aka part one of CHRONICLES OF THAT HOT DAD WHO DRIVES A JEEP AND WEARS GLITTERY BACKPACKS)

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There were cars that looked irresponsible on first sight. Erza didn't know a lot about cars, but she knew how she felt about the look of this one. A big, black Jeep didn't look like it should be strolling up to the driveway of her school where its tall and wide bumper could very well run over some defenseless kids brimming with nervous energy—the kind of energy that made them think it was a good idea to just step in front of moving vehicles, if her seven year experience in an educational environment taught her anything.

But that was probably just her. The Jeep was probably okay. Probably. She drove a Ford Focus, which was about as dangerous as throwing a box of tampons down the freeway. She didn't know about dangerous cars.

She was in the faculty room, catching up with her teacher friends after the summer break. Still ill at rest, Erza continued to spy at the car from the conveniently placed window overlooking the front most entrance of the school. She watched the car park, watched the lights blink a couple of times, then foolishly waited on baited breath to see the face of someone who would bring a monster like that to a place crawling with susceptible hit and run victims.

She felt even more foolish for having her breath taken away by the man who jumped down from the driver's seat and sprint to the right rear door. Erza didn't like to overreact but he was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. Weird-looking, but a sexy kind of weird.

"Mira, come here," Erza hissed out to her friend, the maths teacher, Mirajane Strauss. Mira liked to stick her nose where it didn't belong and Erza might loathe it on normal days but times like this, times when she needed another person to objectify someone with to feel validated, were when Mira was truly irreplaceable as a friend.

Mirajane ducked so she could see out of the window Erza looked from, her hair swinging over Erza's shoulder.

"Oh, my…" Mirajane said.

Erza grinned. She felt the exact same way. "Dibs."

"Fuck," Mirajane rolled her eyes. "You can't dibs on a dad. He might be married."

"Then, viewing dibs."

"All Dibs expire if you don't jump on that by the end of the year, though. Then, it's fair game."

"You're married." Erza felt the need to remind Mirajane.

"Right. Nothing in my vows prevents me from window shopping."

They fell silent, religiously watching the man grab an Elsa backpack and swing it over his shoulder before swiftly unbuckling the pastel yellow child seat and scooping up a small girl with shoulder-length blue hair that matched his shade.

Mirajane whistled lowly. "Man, oh, man. I get my rocks off watching men who know how to work a car seat. Laxus has sausage fingers and takes a while to get it together."

Erza hummed. She wished Mirajane wouldn't speak. It kind of ruined the whole cinematic experience.

"What's going on here?" Natsu, the guidance counselor, joined the window gallery.

"There is a beautiful man holding his beautiful child and we're treating him like a piece of meat. And Principal Scarlet wants to take him home and make a snack out of him." Mirajane answered.

Erza didn't answer because she didn't like lying or incriminating herself.

Curious now, Natsu bent to see what they were looking at.

Now the three of them watched the man place his daughter on his shoulders, smiling when she laughed in delight as they climbed the steep stairs leading to the entrance of Pre-K, just next door. Just shy of the door, the girl tugged on her father's hair and started wailing.

First day jitters, Erza thought, and felt her heart bleed for it.

"Shit. Poor kid. Now I'm invested." Natsu grabbed Mirajane's swivel chair and sat.

They watched the man put his daughter on his lap and talk to her in a calming manner. Around them, other parents and children buzzed about, some dealing with their excitement gracefully, the others facing similar breakdowns.

"That is the cutest thing I've ever seen," Mira remarked. "Why are normal events better when someone involved is hot?"

"Poor kid," Natsu reiterated. "I remember making my dad chase me two blocks because I tried to run home on my first day."

"Hey, both of you, shut up. I'm trying to enjoy this." Erza shoved at Natsu without taking her eyes off the father and child. "Go away. Get ready for the opening ceremony."

Natsu rose, leaving her area to loiter around Lucy's desk instead.

Mirajane stood. "How about you go find out if it's just viewing dibs or dibs dibs." When Erza only looked confused, Mirajane rolled her eyes. "Find out if he's married or if you can indeed make a snack out of him."

Right, Erza thought. She didn't plan on waiting long. She checked her wrist piece and saw she had a couple of hours until the opening ceremony, which was after the children met their class advisers. Like one of the foolish children she governed, she sprinted to the Pre-K area.

She saw the man with his daughter, and as she approached, checked to see if her ID was clipped to her breast pocket like it always was.

Up close, she could see the girl was red in the face and near choking on her sobs. "I wanna go home!" she kept saying over her father's careful reassurances.

"Hi there!" Erza chirped in her teacher chirp as she crouched down to be eye level with the girl. "I'm Ms. Scarlet. I like your bag."

The girl clutched the bag on her lap, trembling slightly and visibly exhausted from her tantrum. When she didn't speak, her father took her small hand and waved it. "Hey, what do you do when someone introduces themselves to you?"

The little girl looked up at her father. "Run and find the police?"

The man blinked, his eyes so beautiful it sent a pang through Erza's heart. He had a tattoo on the side of his face and it was just perfect to go along with everything else perfect about him.

He laughed, so clear and infectious that Erza joined in.

"No, silly, you introduce yourself, too."

"I'm the principal here," Erza volunteered. "You can trust me."

The man nudged his daughter again.

"My name is Wendy Fernandes. I have a card in my bag because I can't spell my last name yet or remember daddy's cellphone number. I give it to adults when I'm lost."

The man grinned proudly and laid a hand on top of his daughter's head. "It's her first day. She's never been away from me."

Erza nodded. "We understand. We allow parents to stay around and get a feel of the environment their children will be staying at."

"Oh, it's just me." He gestured with a ring-less left hand. Erza had a brief moment to think, SCORE. Then, felt bad for thinking so.

She looked at Wendy and gave her a dimpled smile. "Your dad can stay with you for a while, but you know, I'm sure that as soon as you get inside, you're going to make friends and play lots. We have a very cool playground and lots of toys inside."

"See? That sounds fun, right?" The man asked his daughter. Wendy frowned and clutched at his tear-stained shirt.

He shrugged at Erza.

"It's totally understandable. If you guys like, you can go inside and have a look around. The Early Education wing encourages exploration as long as she's in her class room before assembly with their teachers."

He began to stand, carrying Wendy and her backpack with ease. He was delightfully tall. Erza hoped she wasn't salivating. "Cool. I think we'll do just that, won't we, Wendy?"

The little girl pressed her face into her dad's collar. He grinned in a what can you do way. He extended his hand and Erza shook it automatically. "Jellal Fernandes. Thanks for seeing us, Ms Scarlet. We're gonna go have a look around now."

"No problem. Please call my office any time you have concerns. I have an open door policy." To Wendy, she said, "I hope to see you in the opening ceremony, Wendy. Bye, for now."

She waved as the Fernandeses entered Pre-K.

Just barely inside the main building, Mirajane accosted Erza.

"So?"

Erza grinned. "It's a dibs dibs. And he has a facial tattoo. It was sexy."

"I can't believe you actually ran to him to check, and in three inch heels." Mirajane smirked, clearly having seen the whole thing from her strategically placed desk. "You thirsty bitch. You're my hero. Did you get his number?"

Erza rolled her eyes and pushed past Mirajane. "In front of his crying daughter? No, it didn't come up."

"You're hopeless! Not my hero, after all."

"I told him to call if he needed anything," Erza said.

"Really? What exactly did you say?" Mirajane knew that Erza had a very vague way to her when she was faced with someone she liked. Her thoughts never translated to a clear message. It was always too subtle to mean anything.

"I said, "call my office if you have any concerns." And that I had an open door policy. Parents love hearing that."

Mira shook her head. "Hopeless. You should have said, "Call me." Period. And then, "I have an open legs policy just for you." Come on, Erza. You suck at this so bad."

Erza blushed. Mirajane had such a mouth on her sometimes. She wondered if that was how she got the infamous Laxus Dreyar, master of sleeping around, to settle down with her. "I'm the PRINCIPAL. I can't say stuff like that."

"If you wanna be the principal with a sex life, you gotta step it up." Mirajane shrugged. "First bell's in ten. Wear that burgundy lipstick for the opening ceremony, okay?"

Erza watched Mirajane walk away, half irritated, half amused. She was still a bit mortified by Mirajane's words. Thank God none of the children were loitering this part of the building.

Shaking her head, she walked back to her office, intent to change her lipstick.