Prompts: Theodore Nott, whiskey tumbler, lightening, bookcase, "I've been here all along. You just didn't notice."
Theo tipped his head back, holding the hand-cut crystal whiskey tumbler against his lips until no liquor remained. Liquid courage.
Blaise had given him directions to a shop in Muggle London that could help with a not so small problem many of Theo's compatriots were having, five years on from the end of the war.
Theo appeared with a crack in an alley two blocks from the store.
"Did you hear that?" a Muggle just a couple of meters from his hidden spot asked. "I forgot my umbrella today, I hope it isn't about to rain."
Theo glanced up thankfully at the overcast sky as a second voice answered, "I didn't see any lightening, but we could pop into the corner pub for an ale and see if anything comes of it."
Theo rounded the corner once he reckoned the two men were gone, and headed towards a neon green sign flashing the words Dirty Diana. That tosser Blaise had lied about the establishment being discreet.
Theo found himself standing before a window displaying female mannequins in the most compromising positions, wearing risque clothing (or lack thereof) and props Theo didn't want to admit he'd imagined conjuring once or twice.
What the fuck had Blaise been thinking sending him to this den of Muggle iniquity?
Before he had a chance to second guess his decision to come here and turn heal, the door popped open and three gorgeous giggling women roughly his age spilled out. One raked her eyes appreciatively up and down Theo. Maybe he should go in after all, he thought as he watched three shapely jean-clad arses walk away with bags of just bought items swinging next to them.
The clerk behind the counter barely glanced up from her book as Theo entered. The woman had large holes in her ears and a multitude of colorful tattoos. Theo tried not to stare.
When no greeting was offered, Theo stood momentarily nonplussed by his dual reaction of relief at not having to interact and surprise at the rudeness.
He slid towards what he assumed to be bookshelves at first glance, but they turned out to be racks of dvds. He vaguely remembered learning in Muggle Studies about the possibility of movies causing seizures, so he moved right along. Plus, he didn't own the electronic device needed to watch them.
He came upon a floor to ceiling display of devices for women that stretched as far as the eye could see.
Bloody hell. What was wrong with Muggle women? Or was something lacking in Muggle men? Or all men?
Oh, Salazar, maybe Muggle penises were completely different from wizard penises?
Theo's cock was nowhere near as pretty as anything on display. In fact, it was downright ugly in comparison.
It wasn't teal blue, candy floss pink, or sunshiney yellow. His member wasn't that long or thick. It certainly remained free of nubs and extra ridges.
Theo's cock couldn't twirl, vibrate, or pulsate.
Wait! Realistic feel! Finally, something he could compete with!
He was feeling a bit smug, until he saw the guarantee of multiple orgasms.
He may have once tried to convince Daphne that his tongue was capable of something similar, to entice her in a broom cupboard with him. He'd been seventeen and overconfident. She'd been gracious enough not to call him out on the exaggeration.
Oh Merlin! What were Muggles doing bringing rabbits and dolphins into bed with them?
He'd been so entranced the clerk managed to sneak up next to him. "Something I can help you find?"
Theo startled. He glanced around. There was another group of cute Muggle women just down the aisle from him, oohing and ahhing as they passed products back and forth between themselves.
Theo self-consciously mumbled the name of the item Blaise promised would be infinitely better than the past few years of wanking.
"What was that?" the woman asked.
Theo's face turned red as he enunciated, "I'm looking for a pocket pussy."
Oh course, he managed to time it just when the little party of women went quiet. They all turned and stared.
"Pervert," one whispered snidely as she turned away.
"Oh yes, I'm the pervert in the shop chock full of items meant for your solo pleasure. So abundantly stocked, I can't find anything meant for straight men beyond the dvds, and their holes would certainly chafe," he retorted under his breath.
An airy laugh erupted around the corner. The head of blonde hair which followed the sound was unmistakable, even if Luna Lovegood's clothing was more Muggle than he'd imagined her capable of.
He knew he must look like a deer caught in a Lumos. It only got worse when she appeared to use Legilimency to read his mind.
"I've been here all along. You just didn't notice," she declared.
He couldn't decide what to do as his thoughts all jumbled into a chaotic heap.
The clerk moved away as Luna moved next to his frozen body.
She pointed at a few things on the wall. "I've got this one, those two, and more toys back at my flat from other sections you haven't even explored yet. And I can definitely promise realistic feel." She smiled slyly.
Most of his body relaxed when her hand slid into his. He fervently hoped the part that began to stand at attention after her invitation would measure up.
Otherwise, he thought, glancing one last time at the wall and spotting a certain device, he may have to worry what spells Luna knew involving Gemino.