She tries to start small. Asking him seemingly harmless questions to get him to talk.
But talkativeness is not one of his best qualities. Come to think of it, she probably knew that already.
And truthfully the most important question, lingering on her lips is: Why did you try to jump?
But she can't ask that if he doesn't feel like he can talk to her. She'll never get any answer if she rushes it.
He'll just get mad. Like he does every time she asks a question he thinks is too personal.
One wrong move and he shuts down and doesn't answer her for the rest of the day.
It frustrates her! But what can she do?
If she gets mad, he'll just draw back and she might never get the chance.
He needs to trust her, to talk to her.
And at the moment, it feels like an impossible task to accomplish!
To get them something else to do than reading books she asks him to teach her to play wizarding chess.
She never had the patience to let Harry or Ron teach her.
But now, with nothing else to do…
Well, what's to lose?
And he's a surprisingly good teacher.
Clear, logical and even patient!
So much so, that it actually surprises her.
He leans closer to the board across the table, pointing pieces and explaining the moves. Then he moves his pawns and tells her what he does and why.
And suddenly she doesn't care about the game. She's looking at him.
His hair, long overgrown from its usual sleek look, hangs slightly on his eyes when he looks down at the chess.
His pale pink lips moving as he speaks, and steel grey eyes looming the board, almost tingling.
He's beautiful.
The thought hits her out of the blue.
She never thought him like that.
Never thought anything of his looks.
Never looked at him this closely.
He smells like apples and rich shampoo.
And his fingers, moving the pieces, are long and slender.
Gracefull…
Her thoughts get all carried away as she thinks of those fingers caressing her cheek.
Her lips…
"Granger?"
She snaps her head up and shakes it slightly.
He's looking at her with half amused, half frustrated look, "Are you even listening?"
"Yeah! Sorry, just had something on my mind! Please, carry on."
For the rest of the time, she keeps her focus solely on the game.
.
.
.
They break into Dumbledore's office.
It's as silent as the rest of the castle.
No Fawkes, and the portraits of old headmasters are empty.
Soon they find out, that Dumbledore doesn't have any books in his office.
"How is it possible?" She asks, banging close another useless drawer, "It's like someone has taken everything that might be valuable for us!"
Despite their best efforts, they find nothing.
Silently they make their way back to the Great Hall for dinner.
The look in his face is dark. By now she knows that look means he's not in the mood for talking today.
Secretly she watches him pushing the food on his plate, staring gloomily ahead. It makes her feel uneasy. Like she should do or say something to make him feel better, to not lose all hope.
Because if he lost all hope they'd both be doomed.
In this silence, she needs him sane!
"Where should we look next?" She asks.
He doesn't answer or look at her, just carries on pushing his food.
"I thought maybe…"
"STOP!"
The glass of pumpkin juice shatters as he throws it to the ground.
"Draco," She says quietly, soothingly.
"Fuck it! It's useless, Granger! Utterly useless! We've been drowning ourselves in every fucking book we can find from this stupid castle and none of them takes us any closer to… anything! We're never going to get out of this!"
She's staring at him. Not sure what she should say, because what he's saying is not completely untrue.
It's been weeks and they haven't found anything.
But surely, they can't just give up!?
"Then what do you suggest we do, Malfoy?" She asks and the words are harsher than she meant them to be.
"How would I know!? You're the one who stopped me from ending this in the first place!"
She can't believe him!
So now it's her fault?! Like she owes him answers because she wouldn't let him jump!
"So, your suggestion is to just end it? Why don't we both jump, huh? Is that what you're saying?" She has stood up and pushed her fingers to fists.
He doesn't answer, just glares at her.
"I can't Draco!" She finally says pleadingly, "I can't just give up and jump off the tower! I'm not ready to! Somehow, we got here, so there has to be a way out too!"
"And what if there isn't? What if we're like lost men in the desert? Running after a source of water that keeps getting further and further, because it's just a product of their imagination?"
"Not all is lost!" She feels like almost begging him, "We have a place to live and food and books and…" She pauses, "each other."
He rolls his eyes slightly, but she can see his anger subduing a little.
She sits back down and studies him for a moment, "Tell you what, let's forget it for a while. We have all the facilities to do whatever we want. So why don't we find something else to spend our times with? For example, I think I need to improve in potions, and you're the best in our class. So..."
His eyes flicker to hers when he obviously tries to make out if she's serious.
Well, studying potions maybe doesn't meet the criteria of 'Whatever they want'.
But it's something…
After a while he shrugs, "Fine! It's not like I don't need tutoring in some subjects too, and since you're here..."
She nods, "So how about: We start to study like Hogwarts is still on? Think of something else than getting out for a while?"
He sighs, "Fine."
.
.
.
Studying with him works better than asking questions.
He's still snarky and doesn't much like her correcting him, but grits his teeth.
They actually prove to be useful to each other.
He can teach her things she can't read from books. And she can teach him things he's too lazy to read.
And working with him teaches her much more about him than his answers ever could.
He's a perfectionist.
But also arrogant with his magic.
Not knowing something, or not getting something right in the first try, frustrates him immensely.
He's clever and quick.
She's used to explaining things thoroughly to Harry and Ron, but she doesn't need to do that with him.
He can pick up her words and put two and two together with such speed, it sometimes almost leaves her gaping him in surprise.
But he's lazy and puts too much faith in his long experience with magic. That's probably why she beats his grades every year.
As a teacher, he's actually quite good.
Like when he was teaching her to play chess.
He has this logic in him.
And when he gives her advice, he's patient. She finds herself thinking it's a pity this quality only comes out in a situation like this.
Sometimes, like in the night, he taught her chess, she finds herself forgetting his words and just looking at him.
The concentrated look on his face, and the certainty, in which he talks.
The way he seems to know exactly what he's doing.
The sight of him like this, stirs weird feelings inside of her. Feelings she can't quite put names to.
And the times he manages something, like a perfect potion or a clever spell, he smiles.
A smile that warms his face and makes his grey eyes sparkle in silver hue.
Even if the smile is never directed at her, it seems to make her warmer.
And usually, she smiles with him.
Even if it's never directed straight to him.
.
.
.
On their free time, when they're not studying, they usually play chess or some other game. He even let her teach him regular muggle card games, and now plays them with her, no problem.
Every morning they still run. And as a new habit, even when they are doing something solitary, like reading a book, they still do it in the same common room.
Practically, the only time she spends without him is when they sleep. He, in his dorm in the dungeons and her in the tower.
She gets used to him and starts to think of him as, if not a friend, then at least an ally.
And maybe he thinks the same because one day he takes her to the room of requirement and shows her the vanishing cabinet.
The huge dark cupboard standing in the middle of the room.
In this silence, only its existence feels ominous.
"I don't know if it even could work here, but it's broken in real life too." He tells her quietly.
She tries to do the math.
To count two and two together to figure out what he's trying to tell by showing her this.
"What does it do?" She asks, hoping it's a safe question.
"It has a pair. When they work correctly you could put something in it here and it'll soon appear to the other side."
"Like a teleport?"
"What?"
She shakes her head, "Never mind."
She rounds the dark object.
And then she suddenly knows what it means.
And the knowledge makes her wish he hadn't told her.
Because that's not information she can keep to herself if they ever get back.
"Does it mean, that if this works, you could smuggle things, or people, in and out of Hogwarts through it?"
She fears the answer as she looks at him.
Looks, only to realize that more frightening than his answer would be, is his silence.
He just stares at the cabinet.
And the look on his face…
It's the same as in the first days here: torn and lost.
"Draco," She touches his arm lightly, "Is this the reason you tried to jump?"
His eyes meet hers briefly and his face turns to stone, "I should never have shown you this."
And he storms off.
For a moment she thinks of running after him. Stopping him and demanding answers.
But he revealed her this on his own.
Maybe he had come to a conclusion he could trust her.
Maybe it was just too much too soon.
Maybe she should give him time.
But he's not at dinner, and doesn't come to run with her in the morning.
She tries not to, but starts to worry nevertheless.
What if it was too much?
What if it threw him off balance again?
What if he has already jumped?
She can't finish her run. Not with the image of him, bloody on the stony yard, sticking in her head.
Instead, she climbs to the Astronomy tower. To her relief, there's nothing to indicate he'd jumped.
So down to the dungeons she goes.
When she enters Slytherin, she realizes she should have come sooner.
The chairs look like they've been thrown across the room. There are pieces of broken glass on the floor next to the fireplace. Tables pushed over, and the Slytherin rules lie on the floor, torn to pieces by angry hands.
'Family stands united'
The words stare at her from a shred on the ground.
"Draco?" She calls softly, but gets no answer.
After listening for a while, hearing only silence, she makes her way to the dorm corridors.
She's not sure which of the rooms is his. But calls for him and hopes he gets tired of her and answers finally.
It actually doesn't take so long for him to yank his door open and appear before her to the corridor.
His hair is a mess, like he's been tearing at it. His eyes red and face twisted.
To be honest, he looks a little mad.
Now that he's here, she doesn't know what to say to him.
"What?" He spits, voice harsh, "Came to lecture me?"
"No." She keeps her voice low and calm, "I came to see you're okay."
"Well, I'm not! So, don't bother!"
He turns to slam the door, but her hand shoots forward to stop him.
"Draco, please…" She knows she maybe sounds pathetic but doesn't care, "Let me help you."
When he turns to look at her, he doesn't look desperate anymore, but dark and dangerous.
"Stay away from me, Granger."
Even his voice resonates the look on him.
Boldly she grabs his arm, "NO!"
Briefly stunned by her actions, or words, he looks at her hand on his and forgets to fight back.
That's her chance!
"No! I won't stay away from you! Not here, not now! We're in this together! There's no one else! Neither of us can manage this alone, so I'm not going to let you isolate yourself from me! Whatever we are outside of this place, I don't care! Because here, you're all I have! And no matter how much you might despise the idea, but I need you! And you need me! We need each other to keep going, to stay sane, to have any hope to stay alive long enough to find a way out of here!" She takes a deep breath, "If you want me to, I'll make a deal with you that everything that happens here stays inside of these walls! Everything we talk here can stay here! I need you around! Please, don't shut me out! Please, because I can't stand the silence alone!"
He's staring at her.
And she's still holding his arm, looking straight into his eyes.
"Family stands united! And here, in this silent limbo, I'm the only family you've got!"