She's not sure if it's worse for him,
who has to go through it all,
or her,
who has to stand by and watch.
Without their shared dreams on the beach, she thinks she wouldn't make it.
That there'd be a limit how much she can watch and do nothing.
She reads his letters over his shoulder, and in the night holds him on the sand when he tries to calm his ragged breathing.
And all she can do is give him her opinion and then assure him that she's with him, that he's not alone.
But he is,
so alone.
His friends seem to avoid him. Maybe it's out of fear,
or respect.
She stands in the middle of their dormitory and tells them what shitty friends they are.
"Can't you see his suffering? That he needs a friend?" She asks to Blaise's face.
"Come on! Talk to him even! How much does it need?! It doesn't mean you have to help him with what he does! Just talk to him!" She urges Theo by the Slytherin table.
Then she follows Herself to the library and sits next to her on the table, "Yes, Malfoy's up to something, but it's not what you think! Help him! He needs you! Aren't you the clever one? Figure it out!"
"LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HIM!" She screams to Dumbledore in the middle of dinner in the Great Hall, "LOOK AT HIM! HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU THINK HE CAN TAKE!? I TRUSTED YOU! HARRY TRUSTS YOU! DO SOMETHING!"
No one reacts.
Of course no one does; for them, she doesn't exist.
.
.
.
He paces along the beach.
She's sitting on the sand looking at him.
"Should I just fix it already?" He asks as he walks.
It's a rhetorical question. He's not waiting for her opinion, because they've been through it a hundred times.
She hates that these decisions are on them to make.
Him going to Dumbledore should have ended this! Should have given them answers.
He sits next to her.
"They want me to go home on Easter holiday." He says quietly, "He'll be there. They want to make sure I haven't forgotten what I'm to do."
She turns to him, not really sure what she can say.
They're going to bring him in front of Voldemort. And there's nothing she can do to stop it, no comfort she can give to him.
"I'll be with you," She whispers taking his hand, but he shakes his head.
"You won't be. Not there."
"Of course, I will!" She argues.
"No." He looks at her then, and everything about him tells her it's non-negotiable.
If it's out of some noble idea of keeping her out of harm's way, she's not going to take it!
She's invisible anyway! Who could hurt her?!
Surely not even Voldemort is that powerful.
But then he elaborates: "You can't leave the castle, remember?"
He's right!
They've tested it, She can't follow him outside! She can't get past the front door. There's no way she can follow him!
He has to go alone.
"Do you think this dream thing works if I'm not in the castle?"
She's not sure if he's asking her or just thinking aloud.
She doesn't answer, because she has no idea.
All they can do is to hope.
All she can do is hope he doesn't have to do it alone.
The night before he leaves is almost the worst one yet.
He doesn't talk much, and she doesn't have words to comfort him, to assure him.
What can you say when you send someone to lie to the Dark Lord? When you know, that if something goes wrong, he's as good as dead?
As the night draws closer to the dawn the fear in her chest feels like bursting out.
What if he can't do it? What if he'll never come back?
She holds him close and hopes to freeze the time.
To stay on this beach with him forever.
Because living in a world without him, feels unbearable.
He's been the only one she has for so long. She thinks she'll never recover losing him. Even if she gets back to the real world, she'll never be whole if he's gone.
"Please come back." She whimpers weakly.
Even if she decided to stay strong, she's now breaking down.
He just holds her tighter and she knows it's because he can't promise anything. He can't tell her it'll be alright when he doesn't know for sure.
That's for Harry and Ron, telling her things will be alright when everything seems bad, but not Draco.
Draco never lies to her. He never gives her false hope.
It's painful.
But it's sincere.
In the last moments before the burning sun dips to the horizon he buries both his hands and his face to her hair.
Breathes her in.
And she puts her face against his chest and does the same.
He is hers! Nothing, nowhere, can change that.
"I love you" He whispers so silently she barely hears.
One soft kiss on her lips and he's gone.
She falls on her knees to the sand,
and wakes up in the clock room only seconds later.
.
.
.
The Dreams don't work when he's gone.
She sleeps in the clock room and dreams of empty castle and corridors, but not the beach.
She's alone in the silence.
In the lonely hours of the day, she turns the vial in her hands hoping to have a pensieve to see him again.
Not a minute goes by she doesn't miss him.
To keep herself sane she follows people around.
Tries to read conversations from their lips, fails, and gives up.
Then she tries to spend her time in the library, but can't really concentrate.
This is a new special kind of torture: being alone in the middle of the crowd,
where no one sees her,
no one hears her,
no one even knows she's there!
.
.
.
He does come back. in one piece and less damaged she feared he'll be.
What he has to tell her, won't make things better though.
They've set a date,
a date the Death Eaters will infiltrate the castle through the Room of Requirement.
"We need to tell someone!" She tells him straight away.
And to her surprise, he agrees without arguing.
But he refuses to go to Dumbledore.
"Write a letter?" She suggests.
"Too risky."
Yes, it is, she wants to slap herself for even thinking that.
"Snape?"
"He offers his help constantly, but he might sell me out."
"Would he really?"
Snape is his godfather, after all.
He shakes his head, "Can't count on it."
She stays silent for a while and then her face brightens, "You could tell me! I mean her, the version of me on your timeline!"
"She'll never believe me."
It feels weird to refer to herself as 'She', but to them she's a different person.
But at least she knows that girl!
She knows how curious she is, and how right-minded.
She would never give information like that a secret!
"Maybe she won't! But she can't ignore it! It's too risky to just not tell anyone!"
It takes some convincing, but finally he does agree.
And the next day she follows him as he stops her on the corridor.
"Granger," He grabs the girl's arm to make her pay attention.
"Let go of me Malfoy!" She spits immediately.
"No, you listen to me!" He hisses.
And then he tells her the date, the plan, even that Dumbledore knows but has chosen to do nothing.
With hasty cold voice, he speaks only what is necessary and then lets her hand go.
"You're lying."
"Why would I bother, Granger?"
She shakes her head.
"If someone finds out I told you I'll be dead. So be careful what you do with the information."
Then he walks away and leaves the girl standing in the corridor, probably wondering what she should do now.
.
.
.
They don't know what she did with the information.
Because she can follow her but not hear her. So she doesn't know whether she told someone or not.
They can only hope.
"it's still a week away! They have time to react!" She tells him trustingly.
"You still put too much faith into Dumbledore." He says bitterly.
"Well, what else can we do?"
They've been through this too; there's really not much else.
They need to trust that Dumbledore has a plan.
She's more certain about the headmaster than he is.
Dumbledore and the Order are really their only hope, even he can't argue that.
But it all goes to hell, because the next day he gets a letter: TONIGHT. The Astronomy tower at midnight.
And just like that, all their plans crumble to the ground. Everything they prepared together doesn't count anymore.
Because the date has changed, and no one is prepared!
He's walking circles in the bathroom and she can do nothing but sit by numbly and watch.
"What do I do? Just go through with it? I can't do it! I can't kill anyone!"
"Breathe." She says talking more to herself than him. Not that he could hear her anyway, "Think!"
"What if I just jump? Like I planned to?"
She jumps up immediately, "NO YOU CAN'T! DON'T EVEN DREAM ABOUT IT! YOU PROMISED ME!"
Suddenly he looks straight at her and huffs, "Bet you're telling me to not even dream about it?"
"Yes, That's right! You can't give up!"
He shrugs slightly,"Guess I have no option but to trust you. And because you still trust the old fool has some grand plan for me, I just go up there and pray."
He has told that to her before: I just go through with it and pray.
Because he trusts her and she hopes she's worth that trust.
By midnight they're up in the tower. But when Dumbledore emerges, she knows all hope is lost.
He looks broken. Nothing like the man she remembers him being.
And the way he talks to Draco feels like he's begging him.
He promises protection, but it doesn't sound real. Why didn't he offer protection when Draco asked for it?
The Death Eaters are coming!
No one knows! They think Draco set it up, leaking a wrong date.
And Dumbledore can't protect the castle!
Everyone is in danger and still, all she cares about is Draco.
Draco who's desperately showing the headmaster his mark now.
She sees it in the old man's eyes: Draco is beyond saving.
Snape enters and she's screaming.
To Dumbledore,
to Snape,
to Draco, t
o herself.
The words don't even make sense but she's still trying. Maybe she could confuse them long enough to…
She doesn't even know what! To just end this horrible situation where there are only losers.
It all falls to pieces in front of her.
Like a nightmare, but too horrible for anyone to endure!
The Death Eaters come.
Bellatrix urges Draco to do it. She can see the victory in the mad witches' eyes.
Draco's wand hand shakes.
And she hopes she could just take him and disappear! To get back to their silent castle and be lost there forever!
Snape waves his wand,
and Dumbledore falls.
Dumbledore,
their only hope,
is dead.
She's standing in the middle of it all Feeling like she's dead too. Like the world has turned all black and hopeless.
Snape is leading Draco off the tower, and she turns to follow.
But she doesn't get far because her frozen feet betray her on the stairs.
She trips and falls,
flies headfirst down the stairs.
The last sound she hears before the world around her disappears is a crack of glass breaking.
.
.
.
"NO!" She screams as she lands to the beach.
"NONONO!"
She's on her knees on the sand screaming.
"LET ME BACK!" She yells
And then she screams his name.
Over and over,
like he could hear her.
But on the other side, he is running for his life.
No one will truly help him now.
This is the last moment she wants to leave him on his own.
"LET ME BACK! PLEASE!" She screams again to the sky.
Her voice is desperate and shaking, tears in her eyes.
Please, please, please, let me to him! He has no one else!
No one else knows!
No one else sees!
No one else understands!
Only then does she realize the smoke.
The thick white cloud swirling around the palm trees, approaching her.
She stands up and looks around.
And what she sees chills her bones: It's almost like the scenery is shrinking.
The sea coming closer and the edges of the horizon blurring around her.
There's nowhere to run, nothing she can do but stand and wait for the dream around her collapse.
She closes her eyes.
Listens to her own heartbeat on her ears,
and thinks of him.
Only him.
And the time they had. How happy she was with him.
And how it all ends now.
.
.
.
When she comes to, there's a bright light on her eyes.
"Test Subject 103 Hermione Granger is waking up"
"Declaring the Department Of Mysteries timeline experiment 3.05 ended."