She's running through the corridors of the Ministry, and the only thought in her head is him.
She needs to get to him!
All else can wait. All else can disappear for all she cares, but she needs to get to him!
But he's not in his office, not in the cafeteria.
Finally, she's standing in the Atrium wondering what she should do now.
Her head is still spinning and it's hard to concentrate on the world around her. Hard to think rationally when her yearn to find him is so overflowing.
With no idea what else to do she forces herself to go home.
But the moment she steps into her small apartment, she knows it's not the same anymore.
In just a matter of hours, her whole life has shifted.
It doesn't feel like her life anymore. Doesn't feel right anymore.
The furniture, the curtains, the matts and even the pillows on her sofa don't feel like she has picked them for her home.
It's like she has entered an apartment that someone else has made for her. Someone who thought they knew her but didn't, not thoroughly.
She didn't know herself. Had no idea what she wanted, what she missed, where she should have been!
Somehow, she seems to always have known something wasn't quite right.
Like when Ron held her his arms always felt somehow foreign, even though he was so familiar.
She chose to ignore the feeling for years. It never left her alone, but nagged in the back of her brain that it wasn't what she needed, not entirely.
She turns on the shower, hoping it'll clear her wild mind.
But when the spray of water hits her the flashbacks of him almost make her collapse on the floor.
In her mind he's so real,
so vivid,
so alive,
so free.
And the love she still feels for him is going to crush her under.
But she left him!
She never bothered to find out about him! Never cared enough!
He had to go through the war and darkness and trials and accusations, and she did nothing!
How can he ever forgive her that?
Even if it isn't her fault, it's no excuse!
She should have looked closer! Should have cared more!
The tears come without invitation. She's pressing her palms against the cold tiles crying for all that might have been, but wasn't. Everything she should have said and done, but didn't. All that he lost, and had to live through. All that she lost, but didn't know.
All the memories, and the feelings they hold, are drowning her under.
.
.
.
Hours later she's sitting on her sofa sipping wine and staring at the tv screen, that she hasn't bothered to turn on.
She needs to find him!
To talk to him.
But now that she thinks of it, she has no idea what she should say to him!
For her, this is all new. For him, it has been his life for five years.
Has he moved on?
Given up the hope?
Found someone else?
She tries to memorize what the Prophet has written about him recently but her mind is too disorganized.
Recently feels like a subjective term.
That's when her doorbell rings, strong and demanding.
And she has no idea how, but she knows it's him!
The moment she stands up with shaking legs, she knows it's him!
It's him!
He's behind her door!
He's here!
She flies to the door faster than she ever remembers moving and yanks it open.
And it really is him.
Really him.
Even though last time she saw him he was years younger.
But the years haven't done him wrong. He's still lean, still tall, his hair is still the same blond and his eyes,
his eyes are still those steely grey ones she knows so well.
He's so familiar!
Like she could read every emotion from his face, and the way he twists his hands.
She wants to cry,
because he's really here!
"Hello, Granger." He growls and chills run down her spine.
It's his voice. The same voice that was her only comfort. The only voice beside her own for so long.
She's just starting, not really knowing what to do, how to begin!
"Can we talk inside? I mean, I don't mind standing here, but your neighbors," he shrugs slightly.
"Sure, come in." She mumbles and moves over so he can move past her.
And now he's in her living room!
Looking at her with a puzzled expression.
And she's still standing there, by the door, dumb folded, like an idiot.
"Do you, do you want tea?" She asks and wants to punch herself.
But he nods and she runs to the kitchen.
Puts the pot on the stove and leans to the counter to catch her breath.
All she wants to do is to go to him, to wrap her hands around him and stay there, forever if possible.
But she has no idea where he's standing with all of this. She left him after all. No matter how short time it feels, it's still been years for him.
The water boils and she returns to the living room. Gives him the cup and sits down.
For a moment they stare at their cups, not saying anything.
"I'm sorry." She finally breaths out and he snaps his eyes to look at her.
And then it all comes out.
"I'm sorry I left you! I never meant to I… I didn't want to leave!" Her voice is desperate and shaking and she needs to take deep breaths to collect herself, "I'm sorry I never… I never looked close enough! I'm sorry I didn't listen! I'm sorry I never bothered to find out! I'm sorry I was so prejudiced and blind and full of myself, that I refused to see! I'm sorry," Her words fade.
"I'm sorry I left you alone." She whispers, barely audible.
He's shaking his head, looking down to his cup, "You couldn't help it."
"But I promised you! I swore! I should have…" She has no idea what she should have done.
Silence returns.
"I never forgot." He says silently after a while, "We made the vials to keep the memories and they worked."
"What good it was for either?" She feels the tears behind her lashes.
"Do you think I would have survived through it all if not for this?" He opens his palm and lets the vial she made for him, swing between his fingers.
He still has it. After everything, he's still carrying the memories with him.
"I thought I was going crazy, Granger!" His voice grows louder, "If not for this I would have thought someone was messing with my head! But this was real!" He shakes his hand that's holding the necklace, "These were my memories! The girl in these was real! And I promised her! I gave her my word,"
She meets his eyes for the first time.
They're dark,
sorrowful,
and intense.
He called the girl in his memories "her", did he not think she was the same person?
"If not for this I probably would have jumped again. I would never have made it through the war."
His words feel like knives through her heart.
Because he had no one to comfort him. No one to go to. No one to stand by him.
She would have done anything to be with him, and yet she never was.
"I'm so sorry." She whispers.
"It's not your fault, there's nothing you could have done."
"There should have been something!" She looks at him fiercely, "I would have done anything! Anything, to be there for you! I would have traded my life…"
"No." He cuts in so hastily she almost splashes her tea.
His face is almost angry now, "Never! Never ever should you have thought saving me was worth your life!"
She has no words.
"Don't even dream it would have been an option!"
It's almost like only the thought of trading her life for his has made him beyond furious.
"After the war. I could have come to you." He says, eyes still storming, "I could have shown you these memories! I could have told you what I knew about you, but I didn't."
"Why?"
"What good it would have done to you? You were happy. You were a hero. You had Weasley and Potter and the whole world open." He pauses, "You had what you deserved already."
"And what about you?" She still feels like crying. But somehowknows her tears won't make this any better, so she holds them back the best she can.
He shrugs, "I got what I deserved too."
"No!" It's her turn to furiously stop those thoughts of guilt, "You never had a chance! You deserved so much better! And you know it!"
It was time for him to know how the life he thought was so perfect for her really felt.
"For me, it was never what it seemed! All these years you thought I was happy, everyone thought I was happy, I thought I should be happy! and maybe I was. But there was always something missing! I didn't know what it was, but my life always felt like, like only half there! I had everything I might dream about: a good job, a lovely home,loving fiancée, but I was never as happy as I should have been! There was always something missing!"
She has to fight back the urge to take his hand, "When I was with Ron…"
"Don't want to hear it…" He mutters, but she won't let that stop her.
"When I was with Ron there was always something that didn't add up. He should have been my home. I've known and loved him for year's! But he wasn't. He felt foreign! Everything that he was, there was always something not quite right. Like there was a hole in my heart that he couldn't fulfill."
He glances at her.
"Then, I couldn't figure out why. But now I know." She whispers.
"I'm not the same I was then," His words are spoken to the floor, like he won't dare to look at her, "Too much has happened,"
"I know." She tells him, "I'm not either."
They pause, and his eyes meet hers.
That's the moment she knows they're both lying. Because yes, they've been through war and horror and darkness, but the people they were in their silent castle, with all their defenses down...
It was him,
and it was her.
They might have gone through things, lived years, but they're still them.
He stands up the same time she does, and they're standing face to face.
Only the proximity of him feels so familiar, so safe, so calling.
"You came to get me anyway, to volunteer." She whispers, her voice shaking.
The look on his face turns soft as he lifts his hand to move a stray curl off her face, "I had to."
"I missed you every day." His words are only a breath on her face.
And she starts to cry, not able to hold back anymore.
He kisses her,
softly and tenderly,
different than ever before.
And it's like coming home. Like all the puzzle pieces that she has missed suddenly click together.
He's real, and she's real! This is not some weird dream!
This is real.
Real, from the taste of her salty tears to the feel of his hands in her hair.
This is real and he's hers,
for real!
"I love you," She whispers against his lips, "I love you. I'm sorry. I love you. I'll never leave you alone again. I'll make a thousand memory vials if that's what it takes."
He laughs a little and kisses her harder.
"Let's just agree to stay in one timeline." He tells her running his hands through her hair.
She pushes her nose against his and laughs a little, "I kind of enjoyed the castle when there was only you and me."
"I have a big empty manor." He smirks slightly.
This is definitely still him!
"That'll do."
Anything will do now that she has him!
Anywhere will do as long as she doesn't have to leave him again!
The years in between,
the war,
the darkness,
the loneliness, the desperation,
the emptiness and the feeling of not belonging,
none of that will matter now that they're together.
They'll work it out! She knows they will!
A long time ago, in their shared silence, she wanted to make sure they'll never forget each other.
And in the end, it worked out!
They found each other again, despite the twists and turns of different timelines.
It had to mean they belong together!