Mkay, I changed the rating since I don't think I'll be writing anything smutty enough to deserve it. T is for language and stuff.

Also I don't own Naruto, and I'm not sure why I need to state that, because there's no way a random girl from Europe is going to own any shares to that, right? Furthermore, the site literally has "fanfiction" in its name, so it's pretty self-explanatory.

The Conversation Conditioner

"Mizu-san, you are hereby banned from taking another dog-walking mission for a period of 30 days," Tsunade's voice was deafening. I grew pale, willing my eyes to become bigger, more pleading, more irresistible.

"Hokage-sama, I humbly beg–"

"Dismissed!"

Sure, I had to leave, but that didn't mean I couldn't express my dissatisfaction while I'm at it. I made a cringe-worthy face filled with desperation and sorrow, retreating backwards, eyes locked to her increasingly unimpressed countenance.

Closing the doors behind me, I crossed my arms, agitated. Banned from dog-walking missions? Not even Naruto managed to do that, and he let a dog drag him into a minefield! And, the worst of all, I couldn't even guess what had led to this unfavourable development. I mean, I had noticed dogs were avoiding me lately, but I had yet to specify why this was happening. Furthermore, it had to happen now of all times when I was feeling annoyingly nostalgic, and missing my pup from back home more than ever. I remember her now – disregarding my presence unless I had some offering to present, or trying to catch her as she so adorably ran away. Oh what perfect form she had! oh how delightfully fast she was! Again the ache overwhelmed me, I needed something furry and soft to glomp, something that preferably likes to be petted, and isn't a cat.

I tilted my head backwards, groaning unattractively. I tried leaning more in order to seek comfort and support from the unyielding wooden surface behind me, but the sound produced by contact came out softer, as if it was something with more density and volume than a mere door. I realised I was leaning against a perfect set of pectorals pleasantly moving along with the air needed to generate coherent sounds passing through it.

"Yo."

I scoffed. "Well, well, well, finally deciding to use the door like a normal person, huh, Hatake-san?"

I admit it, I was bitter. Not only had I been reduced to meagre skimping after paying for that damn meal, but I was also denied the touch of the perfectly chiselled abdomen currently behind me. Apparently, much like I hadn't been allowed even a sniff of the succulent repast, he had nobly insisted to sleep on the bed alone, allowing me to rest my head on a blanket beside it. And all that followed with helpful commentary like You should really get a couch, Mizu-chan or The bed is really soft, thank you for asking. Needless to say, I didn't ask.

"How cold, Mizu-chan. And here I thought you would be free to share a drink or two with me."

I straightened instantly, intending to run away, but a firm hand placed on the top of my head stopped me. "Now, now, is that any way to treat a person you've shared your bed with?"

Remain calm. No one heard him. Lady Fate is not so cruel. I slapped his hand away, turning to face him, as he had the decency to grab the doorknob behind him and soundlessly close the door to the Hokage's office. Nevertheless, a smirk on Tsunade's face made me yell out unnecessarily loudly in despair: "I am starting to regret sharing a layer of my food with you, don't be such a pervert, people will get a wrong idea." Crisis averted. Kakashi's reputation as a pervert would reinforce the implication that he was using another definition of the word "bed" out of malice. I narrowed my eyes at him, daring him to try and bring up the subject again. That was approximately the same time when I noticed a certain familiar smell oozing from him. My eyes widened with realisation.

"You smell like a wet dog!"

He was slightly taken aback. Not because he thought I was insulting him, but rather because of the delight evident in my voice.

"Yes, I was giving the ninken a bath this morning," he looked at me with interest.

My delight grew exponentially as I started devising a plan. The goal? Until the day is done I shall be surrounded by his ninken, glomping them gleefully. The plan? A strategy carefully devised based on the idea of conditioning the conversation.

The Conversation Conditioner advised to smile at a certain word or a variation of it which will in turn make the person mention the word as much as possible. I'll make him talk about the dogs, and then he will indubitably suggest summoning them if not for the sake of my happiness, then at least for the sake of torturing me. But the location is wrong. He will never do it in public.

"You know, if you want to drink, we can go to my place and open a bottle of sake I've been saving…" I instantly blushed at my own words. The way I said it, it sounded like I was planning on getting him drunk, and having my way with him. Furthermore, I should've gradually stirred the conversation until it sounded more natural to mention it. This way it was obvious I had been plotting, and he'll never agree–

–so exactly how did we suddenly find ourselves sitting next to each other in my apartment?

We were in my living room, sitting on comfy cushions at the short table in front of which was the TV. I didn't own a couch, as I mentioned before, since I recently moved out from the apartment I shared with a random kunoichi who wasn't mentioned in either the manga or anime. My generation, which is somewhere in the middle between Naruto's and Kakashi's, rarely is. Anyway, I got the TV, and she got the couch leaving me miserably couchless.

I glanced at Kakashi who seemed eager to drink the entire bottle in silence. "I'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to not need to shower before coming over," I smiled pleasantly.

He reciprocated with a smile of his own, "That's the first time you commented on my smell."

I pursed my lips, annoyed at the lack of progress. One more time. "Well, if you were to smell like dogs more often, I would gladly comment on it."

"Dogs, huh?" Cue a delighted smile from me. "So you're saying you like it when a man smells like a wet dog?" I couldn't possibly manage a smile when he's clearly implying I'm a furry. And I knew it was intentionally phrased in such a way because he was obviously having some trouble trying to keep a straight face.

I decided to ignore him, and get him to explain something about dogs. That will keep him talking with a lot of opportunities to mention them.

"So, how many dogs do you have? What are their names? Their breeds? Do you summon them often?"

Dammit, I might be sounding too eager. Kakashi smiled at me.

"Do you want to meet them?"

I didn't need to force a smile, since my entire face lit up instantly. It seems I overanalysed the situation a bit. Kakashi is a straight-forward guy, and there's really no reason for him to deny me this one small thing.

"I do! I really really do! Oh, can I? Can I meet them right now?"

"Well, most of them are off to their own shenanigans, but I guess Pakkun wouldn't mind too much…"

I took one of his hands in both of mine, and wanted to express the gratitude overwhelming me with teary eyes and a soft smile. "I would be honoured," I said solemnly. I briefly looked away. Being separated from my dog for so long I could only hope the sensation of glomping would provide the feeling of comfort and peace I yearned for.

"Maa, I'm not going to summon him if you're gonna show him that scary face."

"What scary face?" I panicked.

"Tsunade told me she banned you from the dog-walking missions because you were scaring the dogs and their owners with some kind of expression, but I had no idea it was that bad. You don't know you're making it, do you? Frankly, I'm afraid not even a ninken will be able to handle it."

"You knew the reason why she denied me the love of perfections incarnate and you didn't tell me until now?" I furiously let go of his hand, and grabbed his vest collar instead. Then I remembered I depended on this man to summon his ninken, so I tried to salvage the situation. Changing my expression, I kissed him on his forehead, as if that was the intention behind the violent apprehension the entire time. Then I slowly released him, sitting back on my heels, smiling pleasantly. Real smooth.

Kakashi cleared his throat "Anyway, you seem to be concentrating really hard on something when you make it, so what's been bothering you?"

I sighed. "I just miss my dog, that's all."

"I see. Were you two inseparable?"

"I mean, not really, not unless you count the times when I forced her to spend some quality time with me by shutting her in the same room. She usually wanted to play with other dogs otherwise," I lovingly reminisced, feeling my face place itself into the notoriously labelled "scary face".

"Was… was your dog a cat?"

"Hardy-har-har, Kakashi-san."

He chuckled attractively, and I resented him for it. I was a firm supporter of attractive individuals who didn't do unnecessarily attractive things in front of the people they considered only friends.

"You seem to be making the face when you're thinking about her. I suggest getting it out of your system before facing another dog."

I didn't know what he was planning, but it suspiciously sounded like it didn't involve dogs. "And how would I do that exactly?"

"Simple. I already smell like dogs, so you can just close your eyes and pretend I'm a dog. I'll let you stroke my hair and make that scary expression as long as you want." He smiled as if he was doing me a huge favour. He probably thought he was too, and I'll hear about this later no doubt, but the offer was intriguing nonetheless. Narrowing my eyes, I decided to let him know I was on to him.

"And why would you let me do that?"

"I thought you wanted to meet my ninken? This is a prerequisite for that. I don't want them traumatised."

Fair enough. Although that would only be a viable reason if he wasn't doing me another favour by letting me meet the ninken, but I guess he won't cash it in soon at least. For now, he was satisfied with feigning innocence.

"Fine. Turn around then."

He raised an eyebrow, but did it nonetheless. "I had no idea you were such a pervert, Mizu-chan."

I resisted the urge to smack him, since the-ever-so-mistrustful-because-he-went-through-so-much-undeserved-shit Kakashi turning his back on me was such a huge evidence of trust I nearly wept. "I will gladly suffocate you with my chest when your time comes, it will be a fitting way to go for you. But alas, for now I need you with a body heat reminiscent of living things, Kakashi-san." Another attractive chuckle, another urge for violence resisted.

I approached him on my knees, wrapping my arms around his head, and burying my face in his glorious strands. I inhaled the remaining trace of the wet dog smell, saddened to find out I had to really get in there if I wanted to sense it. The prevalent smell was the notorious pine one from almost every Kakashi romance fanfiction. I opened my eyes abruptly realising I was actively glomping the Copy nin from Konoha. Forget the dog problem, I had to take advantage of this uncharacteristically given permission to stroke his hair, and maybe braid it, and, I don't know, maybe grab it like they do during – dare I say it – intercourse.

"Everything okay?"

I froze. My heart was beating so treacherously fast I could hear its pounding in my ears. I could only imagine how loud it seemed to Kakashi pressed against my chest. I needed to create some distance but I was reluctant to waste this opportunity. So I brilliantly answered: "You know what, my knees hurt from this position, let me climb onto your shoulders." I got up, and swung my legs over his shoulders so fast, he didn't even have time to protest.

I didn't know how he felt, but I felt increasingly awkward and childish. I leaned to glance at his expression, surprised to find him oddly unaffected. He just fully turned towards the table propping himself on his elbows, and continued drinking. What a pure soul Kakashi was! Letting me straddle him and thinking nothing of it, he's exceptional like that. I blissfully sighed and placed my cheek on top of his head, adoring the sensation.