Hey hey hey~~~~~

I was absolutely floored by topsyturvy-dream's review! I'm so glad you think the story is hilarious because I am trying really hard to write something casual and light-hearted that won't be too cringey at the same time *ugly-cries tears of joy* tbh, my story might've made your day, but your review made mine )))

chloemika, I want to thank you for consistently reviewing nice things, at this point I'm like 'If chloemika doesn't review my story I must've done something wrong in the last chapter' xD I just want you to know I really appreciate the time you take to review my story!

And I have no idea who the Guests are or the Guest is (or how they manage to leave reviews without logging in, I honestly didn't know such an option exists), but I also want to thank them for leaving such a lovely comment!

I'll try to post regularly as I have more or less managed to do these past few weeks but I have really little time lately, so I was amazed at myself for managing to write this much this time. (Let's just say someone was productively procrastinating these few days.)

Enjoyyyyy~~~~~

Chewing Gum

"Your beer," I said while putting a bottle in front of Kakashi and taking a sit next to him with another in hand.

"Your beer, what?"

Oh, Kami.

"Your beer, honey," I rolled my eyes while blushing furiously.

This wasn't the first time I wished Kakashi had a similar dynamic to ours with someone else in the anime or manga. That way, I would have at least been able to guess what sort of sadistic things he would ask of people in his debt based on what he had asked in canon. But, noooo. I had been chosen as the unlucky bastard who had the pleasure of finding out first-hand just what sort of sick ideas he was able to conjure up. And now I was stuck with referring to him as 'honey' for an entire month.

The embarrassment and annoyance I felt at having to call Kakashi, my friend and mentor (even worse, my hokage and perpetual crush) 'honey' was only infinitely multiplied by the fact that a) he seemed to be having the time of his life b) I wasn't allowed to explain to anyone why I suddenly started calling him that nor to call anyone else that (as if I would ever do that!), and c) I have apparently become a tsundere because I absolutely loved every minute of it. Nonetheless, this had to stop. Mainly due to the fact that I didn't trust myself not to slip up at some point and say 'honey' like I really mean it.

"Beer-honey? Can I get a regular one instead?" Kakashi teased me.

I smiled at him sweetly. "How are you even Hokage?"

"How are you even Hokage, what?"

I groaned.

That one picture of Kushina and Minato was not worth it. Maybe I could steal it from Naruto and give it back to Kakashi and call us even. If he gets the picture back, he would have to stop this ridiculous honey-calling extortion.

Kakashi must've noticed me plotting, because he asked Naruto how he liked his photo album.

Naruto was a bit taken back at the sudden change of subject (previously he had been fawning over some new move Sasuke came up with), but he quickly managed to pull himself together and rather predictably and effortlessly beamed: "I love it! Especially the picture of mom and dad! That's the first one I got without having to beg or threaten people with pranks-dattebayo!"

Drat, I had been successfully guilt-tripped. However, by giving Kakashi a customary glare, I managed to cover up the fact that what Naruto said gave me an idea. I'll satiate my need for revenge by mentally torturing Kakashi!

Well, maybe I won't exactly 'torture him mentally', but I definitely plan on being a high-class nuisance. If there's anything I learned from all those creepy Torture & Interrogation seminars, it was that mental torture was surprisingly easy. I was all about that practical implementation of theoretical knowledge which was surprisingly (exquisitely) satisfying when Sarutobi had been the Hokage, since Naruto was all-too-willing when it came to participating in pranks. But then my little accomplice became a genin and I had to literally spread the butter on the Third's shoes all by myself. A dire outcome, indeed. But, on a more positive note, by pranking Sarutobi I figured out what I wanted to specialise in – and to everyone's horror I chose infiltration and reconnaissance. And the best part was that they all had to put up with any subsequent practical jokes because it was official ninja business, I was training.

The bitter-sweet memories came flooding back of that one time after a two year hiatus when I managed to 'borrow' one sock of each pair the Third Hokage owned. He almost proposed an official day of mourning, it was hilarious. With a sentimental smile I looked up at Naruto who seemed to have finally noticed something was amiss.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at us. "Since when do you call Kakashi-sensei 'honey', Mizu-chan? I gotta say, it sounds kinda weird and doesn't seem like something you would call other people."

"I know, right? Wasn't my first choice either. 'Babe' sounds way more natural. You know – like I'm actually friends with the person," I scowled at Kakashi.

"You can call me 'babe'," Kakashi graciously offered.

"No, thank you. If I'm not allowed to say anything about this, I'd rather it seem as unnatural as it feels, honey."

"I'll take three days off your debt?"

Negotiating, are we? Well, this can only be a win for me since I still have to call him something, and 'honey' does seem unnecessarily yucky, sooooo…

"Two weeks."

"One week, my final offer."

"Deal, babe!" Oh yeah, this definitely sounds right. So right in fact, some people might think 'babe' is the platonic term of endearment I use for all my friends.. Mizu:03, Kakashi:3259.

Although, I've got to say, Kakashi asking me to call him 'honey' in the first place was rather unusual. I narrowed my eyes at him trying to discern what his angle was.

He smiled knowingly and took out his book, with the intention to shut us off for a bit, no doubt feeling a tad overwhelmed by all the attention. I took that as a sign that I can completely focus on Naruto for a while, but I'd be damned if I was going to listen about Sasuke's alleged genius more than I already had. After all, we were currently in a pub because Naruto noticed us leaving the Administration Building and mentioned he had some sort of a brilliant idea, so we sceptically followed him there.

"Naruto-chan, tell us about your idea."

"Oh, yeah! We all deserve a vacation, so I was thinking - we could go and take a day off at the hot springs! You know, relax a bit, play some ping-pong, bring some ramen to eat, it could be fun!" he explained, obviously proud of himself for coming up with the idea.

"Relaxing and ping-pong do sound fun, but...do hokages even get a vacation?" I pointedly ignored the thing about the ramen.

Naruto and I turned towards Kakashi simultaneously who simply shrugged.

"Depends who you ask."

"Okay, who's going to say 'yes'?"

Kakashi crinkled his eyes at us. "I will."

"Okaaay. But who's going to say 'yes' and actually has authority over the decision?"

"…Tsunade-sama?"

I smirked. "Leave it to me, babe."

"Tsunade-sama! We're so glad you could make it!" I greeted the Fourth Hokage heartily.

As she sat down, she eyed the present company suspiciously. Kakashi, Sakura, and I were innocently smiling at her while offering her a seat. Sasuke, of course, didn't want to be there, using Naruto's being banned as an excuse. Naruto, of course, had been banned because we needed Tsunade to be and stay amicable during the entirety of the night which would have been impossible had Naruto referred to her as 'grandma' even once.

Okay. So far so good. The plan 'Get Tsunade-sama drunk so she agrees to take over the office while we're on a vacation' (or GTDSSATTOTOWWOAV for short) was officially in motion. Kakashi went to get us drinks while Sakura and I were handling the small-talk.

"So what's this about?"

"Do we need a special occasion? Can't two Hokages and two Haruno's just hang out a bit?" I smoothly answered.

Tsunade gave me a deadpan look. "I'm leaving."

"Noooo, please Tsunade-sama! We're ꟷ"

"ꟷ celebrating. Kakashi-sensei and one-san finally slept together. You were right. Here's what I owe you." Sakura offered Tsunade a thick envelope.

"WHAT?! SAKURA?"

Well, technically she wasn't wrong – we have been sleeping together. Just probably not in the sense she was obviously alluding to. That, however, didn't stop me from sitting there absolutely horrified at the implication.

"You're- you're- gambling? What will your poor mother say?! I knew Tsunade-sama would corrupt you eventually, I just wasn't aware it had already happened! Oh, Kami, I am to blame. I wasn't there enough as a role model during your formative years."

Wait, I shouldn't focus on that right now.

"Forget that. You gambled against me getting some? What kind of an emotional support system are you? I'm appalled at your lack of faith!"

"Oh, no, you misunderstood. Tsunade-shishou said you two'll hook up before the end of the year. I put my money on the next one."

I gaped confusedly. "Sooo, you both figured out I fancy Kakashi?"

"What do you mean 'both'? The entire village has placed their bets. This has been going on for years. And you 'fancy' Kakashi, that's rich. Try a stronger verb."

I dignifiedly ignored her last remark. "Years? How many years are we talking? Two? Three? Oh, Kami, four?" My voice was practically a feeble squeak at this point.

"I mean, at least six."

I flopped back into the seat in utter shock. Jesus, I'm a ninja, how did I miss this? Does Kakashi know? Is that why he's so nice to me? He's trying to let me down easy? Or does he not know, and now I have to tell him because otherwise it'll be like a lie of sorts with me knowing and him not knowing?

"Excuse me for a moment." I quickly headed towards Kakashi, intercepting him just as he was moving away from the bar with drinks in hands. I took two and gulped them down immediately, instantly ordering two more, and motioning for Kakashi to huddle.

"Kakashi, there is something you need to hear. Maybe take a swig of that drink first, just in case."

"I'm good."

"Okay, leave it for later to soften the blow, that's smart. But brace yourself."

I pulled him a bit closer just in case someone was listening in.

"Kakashi, the entire village has placed bets on when we are going to sleep together. And Tsunade-sama thinks she'd won."

Wow, Kakashi was really taking this well. He didn't seem surprised at all.

Wait a minute.

"You knew?!"

"Honestly, it would be weird if I didn't. I kind of set the entire thing in motion."

I took the other two drinks and gulped them down. If I had been more put together I might've heard Tsunade's and Sakura's protests, but I had successfully tuned them out and ordered two more drinks.

"Explain."

"Well, it all started the day when Tsunade-sama mentioned how she never had any vacations because she was always busy, and then she cackled at me for being her successor and sharing the same fate. I concluded that she would have to be the one to step in if I ever wanted a vacation. That was about seven years ago. So I subtly put it in her head then that she should bet on the two of us. And then I just found out the time she placed the bet on, knowing that if she wins, she'll be in such a good mood she'll agree to anything. It really wasn't that complicated. Well, actually, it was a bit difficult to choose the perfect hot springs for the vacation and to successfully incept a suggestion into Naruto-kun's head. Any Naruto-related planning is generally a hit-and-miss kind of thing, but I managed to do it in the end. I hate to reveal the method, since it was ramen-related, and lately Naruto-kun's been getting a weird reputation as a ramen-enthusiast so I don't want to encourage that sort of talk."

WHAT.

What kind of scary long-term planning was this man capable of?

The only thing he got wrong actually was believing that Naruto's reputation as a 'ramen-enthusiast' (way to undermine a hyperfixation, though) was salvageable, but at this point I wouldn't put it past him to fix even that.

"Mizu, I need you focused now or the whole thing will fall apart. Now take these drinks and get me that vacation."

"No way! You should've kept me in the loop from the beginning! And you planning this for so long means you've somehow manipulated me into collecting you for an event so you'd show up on time, manipulated Shizune-san into giving me the Hokage-collecting job, and have me sleep at your place just so Tsunade-sama could win this year!" I crossed my arms and pouted.

"Well, to be fair, I didn't know what the bet would be about. I just needed it to be something with the outcome I could easily control and Tsunade-sama had a chance of winning."

"EXCUSE ME? You and me sleeping together, that was an outcome you could easily control?"

"Um, yeah. We are best friends after all."

Okay. I was officially done. The Kakashi Hatake, the famous Copy nin, THE FREAKIN' SIXTH HOKAGE (!) said I was his best friend. That's it, I can officially die now. It doesn't get better than this. Where's a Shinigami when you need one? I want this to be the last moment of my life, because it easily exceeded anything I could've ever imagined I would live through.

I drew blood by biting my lip from trying to control the pure bliss from showing on my face. Get it together, Mizu! You're a professional emotionless assassin!

I slapped myself hard on the face, picked up the drinks and headed for our table. Relax, Mizu. You're supposed to seal the deal. Get your Hokageꟷ no, your best friend Kakashi Hatake the vacation he deserves.

"Now, where were we?" I smiled in a friendly manner.

Tsunade and Sakura exchanged worried glances.

"One-san, is everything okay? Sure, the girl does the slapping, but it is usually aimed at the guy, not…whatever that was."

"Oh yeah, everything is peachy. Babe, isn't everything peachy?"

Kakashi smiled and took out his book, forcing on us the feeling of normalcy that comes with a perpetually repeated act. This helped convince Tsunade that everything was as it should be, allowing us to proceed with the plan. Good thinking, Kakashi.

Unfortunately, I found it a tad more difficult to relax due to the realisation that this plan was seven years in the making, and I could ruin it within the span of minutes.

"Sakura, do you have some gum?"

"No, sorry."

Kami, I just needed to chew something, to restart my brain with the Chewing Gum trick. Basically, the trick was based on the idea that you wouldn't eat if you're in danger, so when you chew on something your brain thinks you're in a safe place and that your anxiety is unwarranted. And sure, I increasingly felt like I would need a whole lot of gum at this point, but there's no shame in a little emotional breakdown among friends, am I right? Kami, why can't they just stop looking at me like that, aren't they medics? Have they never seen a panic attack before?

"Read."

I blinked at the words before me, focusing on their meaning. I felt Kakashi's hand taking my own and making me hold the book by myself.

'…As she descended the stairs her bountiful bosom bounced with every step along with her. Takane had to appreciate the sight before his eyes as she hypnotised him with the circular motion. Her perky demeanour was in tune with her perky chest, and that's what he loved about her. Oh! Takene realised as the bosom was getting nearer and nearer – I think I love you!'

I've got to say, Jiraya writing like a cringey romance writer of the 21st century was something I suspected was true, but didn't really want to confirm. I mean, some of these lines could win the yearly Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest.

Wow – was that what the book was for? It was a grounding technique? I gave Kakashi a grateful look, but I don't know if he'd seen it, since he was toasting to Tsunade's luck in a noble attempt to divert the company's attention off me. I sniffed as I realised he was the best best friend anyone could ask for.

I buried my face in the book affectionately before closing it, having finally snapped out of the emotional downward spiral. Returning the book to its rightful owner, I flashed him a smile.

Kakashi bumped our heads together slightly, allowing me to take over the rains with the drinking while he continued where he left off with Icha Icha.

Not long afterwards, the vacation time was successfully obtained! We dispersed leaving Sakura to take care of Tsunade who was sound asleep, having signed the agreement that she will be an interim Hokage while Kakashi was on vacation next week.

"Kami, I can't even imagine what you'll figure out for your next vacation. I don't suppose you've already started working on it?" I chuckled at the idea.

"It's never too early," he shrugged mysteriously.

"Well, you have to tell me what you're planning from now on. I won't be as forgiving as I was today if you continue to keep things from me, you know," I mock pouted.

"Are you sure you can handle it? I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want to do."

I scoffed. "What do you take me for? I am a ninja of the Hidden Leaf village, I can handle anything."

Kakashi considered me with interest. "Okay, come closer then. This is top secret information."

I might've slightly gulped with apprehension, but I scuttled over to his slouched figure nonetheless.

"The next time we can get vacation time is after New Year's."

"Why? What's going to happen then? What did Tsunade bet on?" Just say it already, Bakakashi!

"She bet on… hard-core PDA."