The trip to Barstow took a day and a half longer than expected. Kira generously took it upon herself to teach Knives everything she knew about sex and finding mutual pleasure. And he was very eager to learn which lead to frequent late nights and a couple of long lunches. She was amazed at both of their stamina, but somehow, whenever she caught sight of his imploring eyes and flirtatious smirk, she couldn't resist. It was an enjoyable diversion.
He seemed to be growing more enamored with each passing day. He walked closer. He sat closer. He slept with his arm wrapped tightly around her. His eyes drifted to her constantly, often accompanied by a gentle grin. He still remained tight-lipped about his past, but he began asking her more about hers—about her family, and her life before the war. And she didn't mind sharing. It was sort of therapeutic talking about the good memories…
By the time they reached Barstow, she was sure he was smitten. It made sense—it wasn't unusual for someone to fall for the first person they slept with. And, to be fair, she was starting to fall for him too. Still… this wasn't a relationship. It was a fling. It couldn't be more than that unless he suddenly decided to start talking. She just hoped he understood that. She suspected a difficult conversation was ahead of them.
x.x.x.x.x
Knives found himself growing increasingly attached to her. He was sure some sort of physiological response was to blame. Regardless, it made him nervous. And strangely elated. And, paradoxically, content. But mostly nervous. She was becoming an addiction. The sound of her voice, the feel of her touch, the smell of her skin, the taste of her lips—her entire being intoxicated him. Beyond that, his affection for her, for who she was, had grown immensely. Too much.If things continued like this it would make leaving her later impossible.
He had decided not to tell her the truth. Ever. It would be easier for her… and for him. He'd let her bring him to Octovern and then they'd part…
Yes. Then they'd part…
Or… maybe later…
No. It had to be Octovern. He couldn't very well bring her to wherever Vash was. She'd hate him if she found out who he really was. It would be better for her never to know…
Dammit.
He put it out of his mind as they arrived at the Barstow waypoint. To his discomfort, the place was as populated as Caston. There were people walking through the main square and even a handful of children playing nearby when they stopped their cart at the inn. There were also two Federation soldiers although they didn't seem to be on the prowl. He had donned his hat and sunglasses before they entered town, and he kept his face turned away, grateful that the 'wanted' poster had shown him with his previously blond hair.
Kira rented a room and they dropped off their bags. She threw herself onto one of the two beds with a happy sigh. "Unfortunately, they didn't have a room with a large bed. But we could probably share this one…?" She arched an eyebrow suggestively and he flashed a roguish grin.
x.x.x.x.x
After the prelude of a mutual shower, they thoroughly 'tested' the sleeping arrangement and found it to be quite satisfactory. Kira stepped back into the bathroom to clean up and get dressed. When she returned, Knives was still sprawled naked across the bed, a sheet carelessly draped over his waist, and a languid smile on his face.
She couldn't contain her own reproachful smirk as she approached. "Were you planning on staying like that all day?"
"Don't you think we should test the bed one more time before we go?" he prodded, sitting up and catching hold of her wrist. He tugged her down beside him, circling his arms around her, and began caressing her neck.
She snorted, nudging him away. "I don't know how you manage to bounce back so quickly every time."
"Just lucky, I guess," he said, looking very self-satisfied.
She stood. "Well, you'll have to save your luck for later. I have errands to run. You can wait here if you want…"
He let out and disappointed grumble. "No. I'll go with you," he said glancing around the room for his clothes.
x.x.x.x.x
They headed back into the town. The Federation soldiers were thankfully gone. Kira went buzzing from shop to shop, gathering information about travel in the area, and the best places to purchase provisions. They learned there was no bus from town so they'd have to walk to the next waypoint, but the shopkeeper they spoke to assured them that they could catch one all the way to Octovern from there.
After a quick bite of lunch they continued hunting for supplies, gathering what food they would need for the next leg of their trip before refilling their waterskins. Once again, their search for a bedroll was fruitless, despite a very lengthy and dogged hunt. Knives thought it was a waste of effort going to such trouble to acquire something they didn't even need now, since he'd probably just share hers for the rest of the trip, but it had become a matter of pride for Kira. Her continued failure put her in an aggravated mood, which he found rather endearing.
She continued ahead while Knives stopped to look through a window at an array of shining revolvers. He wasn't as skilled as Vash—he'd never needed to be—but he was a still a good shot. There was no way he would ask for something that expensive but he did wish Kira hadn't sold the shotgun. He'd feel a lot safer if they were both armed… He glanced over and saw her, a block away, perusing some flyers pinned to the side of a building.
Shit.
He began walking to her swiftly as she moved methodically through the collection. He was still half a block away when she paused, her eyes focused on something. She lifted one of the pages to get a better look at an older page underneath before ripping it off the board and examining it closely, her brows knitting together.
His heart sank and he came to a stop a few yards from her. No… Please. Not now.
She looked up at him, her face a potent mixture of confusion, anger and pain. He took a step towards her and she immediately stepped back.
It was over. She knew who he was.
"… Let me explain." He took another step.
"Stay the fuck away from me!" she snarled, a look of hatred in her eyes.
No, dammit! Not fucking now!
He froze. He wanted to explain everything, but she was clearly not in a receptive state… not that an explanation would do much good anyway. What should he do? He'd be caught if he pushed her and she made a scene. He reached into her mind but the chaos inside made it impossible to read. His best choice was to give her space, allow her to collect her thoughts, and try to collect his own. He dropped his gaze. "I'll be waiting at the inn when you're ready to talk." After a moment, he added, "If you bring anyone with you…" He paused and amended his words. "Don't bring anyone with you."
He hoped she understood his caustic tone… or misunderstood it. It was more of a bluff than anything. The last thing he wanted was to have to fight his way out of a group of soldiers trying to arrest him. His telepathy would be useless if too many swarmed him. He could have been more bellicose in his threat, but he also didn't want to push her away.
He turned and stalked off as formidably as possible, again hoping a little intimidation would keep her from turning on him—from turning him in. It had always worked on the Gun-Ho Guns. Fear had kept them loyal.
An immediate wave of regret washed through him. He didn't want to scare her. He didn't want to control her like this. He didn't want to be that anymore. But he had to protect himself. His goal was still to reach Vash. Maybe he should leave without giving her the chance to betray him…
No. He had to speak to her. He wanted to explain. He wanted her to understand. And besides, without her he had nothing. Trying to find someone new to help him would be just as dangerous as trying to remain with her. She was kind. Maybe she would listen… Maybe she'd understand. If there was even the slightest chance he could fix this… he had to try.
x.x.x.x.x
Kira's whole body shook as she watched him go. It was him… He was him! She was going to be sick… A moment later her body complied and she retched onto the ground.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and spun around violently only to see an older gentleman, concern on his face. "You okay, honey?"
She took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Thanks," she mumbled, folding up the wanted poster and sliding it into her pocket. She smiled weakly and walked away. She really didn't want to be around anyone right now. She walked through a few streets until she was far enough from the populated center of town to let her guard down and then sunk to the ground, sobbing.
What the hell was she gonna do? She'd been travelling with a monster—the vicious creature that had almost wiped humanity from the planet. He'd caused everything! He'd killed her family and friends. He was the reason she had no one left. And just when she thought she'd gotten close to someone he'd taken that from her again! He was using her! In so many ways! From the day he met her, he'd taken advantage of her. She had protected him. She'd fed him and clothed him. She had killed for him!
Oh god.
She took heaving breaths as another bout of nausea gripped her stomach. She had cared about him. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks for what felt like an eternity as an unbearable anguish roiled within her, slowly churning until, finally, it mellowed into cold hatred. She sniffed, wiping her eyes, and took a deep breath. What was she going to do?
He was waiting at the inn…
She could turn him in—bring some soldiers and have him arrested. Unfortunately she had no idea what he was capable of. Those bandits had done some damage, so it might be possible to overwhelm him. Then again, he'd fought against both the Federation and the No Man's Land armies in Octovern, and even though he'd lost, it had been a difficult fight.
Of course, that was back when he was 'merged' with the angels. She'd read an article about it after the battle was over, but the concept was complicated. They'd glossed over exactly what it meant other than implying that he had somehow he had been connected with them and could direct their energy as a weapon. But the article made it sound like he was using the angels against their will for his own selfish means. So why had he been so upset when he learned they died…?
Whatever. What mattered was what he could do now. He didn't have the angels' power, but she had no idea what he could do on his own. Even at a smaller scale it might be devastating. If there was any chance he could rain terror down on this village, she didn't want to provoke him. His not-so-subtle threat implied he wouldn't go quietly if the soldiers tried to take him.
Strangely though, he didn't seem to want to fight. He'd been avoiding the Federation since they'd been together. Maybe his defeat was thorough enough that he had given up. If that were the case, the safest thing for him to do now that she'd discovered him would be to run. She'd report that she'd seen him, but he could probably disappear again. So why was he waiting? To 'talk?'
Was he still expecting her help? Her lips curled in disgust. How could he possibly think she'd help him after everything he'd done? Or was he planning on forcing her to…? A shiver of fear ran down her spine.
He was using her to get to Octovern… What if he hadn't given up at all? What if he was travelling there to strike the final blow? To plant a bomb or… something…
She could still turn him in.
No… no, she couldn't risk it. Fuck! Her thoughts continued to tumble over themselves.
He was waiting. Why was he waiting? Did he trust her? Did he need her? If he didn't kill her the moment she walked through the door, maybe she could take care of him herself… There was already blood on her hands. She could get revenge. For her parents, her sisters, her friends, her entire city. She could get revenge for the pain he'd caused across the planet. For everyone. Even if she failed and he killed her, he'd draw attention to himself.
It wasn't like she had much to live for now anyway… not since he'd taken it all.
He'd taken everything. Everyone. Painfully! Cruelly!
A sudden memory of him walking beside her, a sneer on his lips flashed through her mind. He misled her. Intentionally. Had he been laughing at her this whole time? Laughing while she told him of the life she used to have? The life he'd destroyed…
She felt fiery rage building inside her and slammed a fist into the sand with a strangled cry. He had to pay—he deserved to suffer. And she wanted justice! She rose and strode to meet him with new determination.
x.x.x.x.x
It was dusk when she made it back to the inn. The man in the lobby greeted her cheerfully. She put on a fake smile and walked up to the front desk, borrowing a pencil. She scrawled a short message on the back of the wanted poster and had tucked it back in her pocket. If things didn't go well, at least she could leave a clue to his whereabouts. Once she was done, she made her way to the room and opened the door. Knives was inside, sitting on the end of the unmade bed they'd shared earlier. She took a slow breath, walking in and closing the door behind her.
He stood when she entered. Nothing in his stance even hinted at remorse. "Kira. I need you to understand." His voice was cold and commanding, his face a mask of indifference. If he felt anything, he was hiding it well.
She walked over to her bag and began navigating to one of the pockets in it.
"I was trying to protect my family," he said slowly.
She laughed bitterly. "Your family…? Yes. Family is important." Her finger brushed against something hard and metallic. She drew out the gun, staring at dully, a lump suddenly forming in her throat. More memories of him flashed through her mind. The almost shy smile he sometimes gave her. The warm laugh she'd coaxed out a handful of times. "You killed everyone I cared about," she hissed through clenched teeth, turning to him and releasing the safety.
He didn't move. He didn't even seem nervous. "And now you will kill me?" he asked, his expression still unreadable.
"You deserve to die." She cocked the gun and pointed it at him.
An expression of hurt marred his features, only for an instant. He exhaled and went back into his emotionless state. "I can't let you do that." He began walking to her and she squeezed the trigger.
Except, she didn't squeeze the trigger. It was as if her entire body was frozen in place. Her fingers refused to respond. She felt a wave of panic as he reached out and took the gun from her hand, uncocking it and removing all the bullets. He put them in his pocket and handed the gun back to her. Suddenly she felt the hold on her give way, her limbs going slack. She shook off her shock and whipped out with the gun, trying to clock him in the side of the head with it, but he grabbed her wrists with a snarl before it made contact, restraining her arms behind her so she was pressed into his chest.
"Don't do that again," he said icily before releasing her.
"Fine." She tossed the gun into her bag and rammed her shoulder into his abdomen, knocking him backwards onto the bed. She threw herself on him and began punching him wherever she could.
"Dammit! Stop!" he shouted, grabbing her arms and flipping over, pinning her underneath him. She squirmed to get away but he pressed down hard, holding her in place. "Don't make me do this. I don't want to hurt you."
"You already did, you fucking bastard!" she screamed.
He winced. "I know!" He pushed off her and moved to the end of the bed. "I know… I did. I hurt you and many others… maybe everyone on this planet. I… regret it… but it's too late now. "
"You regret it? Then why the fuck did you do it?"
"My sisters were dying! They were being drained of energy, and when they ran out, they were forced into one 'last run,' a massive power generation that took everything they had left, ripping their bodies apart in the process! I couldn't let it continue!" His control was gone—he was almost shouting at her, his eyes glinting dangerously.
"I've seen what humans can do," he growled. "I've seen your history. I've seen how much pain you're willing to inflict for the sake of your species. I went too far, I realize that now, but I was not the one to start this! Humans went 'too far' long before I did. They killed the first of my kind. They strapped her to a table and experimented on her—fucking tortured her—for almost a year until her body gave out. She died in agony!" When he'd finished, he was breathing heavily.
Kira was stunned. It in no way made up for her loss, or the rest of the planet's, but…
His furious expression wavered and he looked tired. "I truly am sorry for the people you lost. I know it doesn't mean much, but I am. And… it was a mistake. But it was a war."
"It was genocide!"
He opened his mouth for a moment, before closing it and nodding. "I was… wrong. It was wrong."
She clenched her jaw, unsure of how to proceed. "What will you do if I turn you in?"
He lifted his gaze, his eye boring into hers. "I'll fight. I doubt they'd let me live very long if they caught me. And… I need to see Vash."
"Vash…? Your brother. That's right, I've heard that. Vash the Stampede. Why do you need to see him?"
"As I told you, I abandoned him. I left without saying what I should have… Actually, I died without saying it."
She wrinkled her nose. Was he being dramatic? "You died?"
"I used the last of my energy. I assumed it would kill me, like the 'last run' did to the angels, but instead I… well, I'm not entirely sure what happened, but a year later I woke up in a bulb in Delnashville. That was just a couple days before you found me."
She shook her head. The stream of information was overwhelming. So much of it was hard to believe, yet he didn't strike her as a liar—a manipulative cock, yes, but not a liar. At least he was finally answering her questions. "Why did you agree to let me accompany you?"
He looked down uncomfortably. "At first, I thought your supplies and knowledge of the current state of things would be useful, but I grew to enjoy your company as well."
"Why did you sleep with me?"
A deep blush spread through his cheeks, an unusual sight now that she knew who he was. "I'm not entirely sure. Lying close to you felt… comforting. And then it just… happened." He looked up solemnly. "Kira, I didn't—"
"You know that it's over, right?" she said, cutting him off.
He nodded, staring at his hands. "What will you do?"
Knives. Million Knives. She growled and punched a pillow beside her. "You asshole! Why did you have to be… you?" She heaved an exhausted sigh. "I don't know what I'll do. I really don't."
"I can leave if you want," he said softly. "You'll never have to see me again."
"Is that what you want?"
"… No." His blue eyes were somewhat pleading. "I want to continue with you. I want you to help me find Vash."
"Why the hell should I help you?"
He let out a short, pained laugh. "You shouldn't. There's no reason you should go to any more trouble than you already have." He pushed himself up off the bed. "This was a mistake. I'll go."
"Alex—er… Knives. Wait."
He turned, his previously controlled expression gone. His eyes were shadowed, his forehead creased. Even his posture evoked fatigue instead of the stern confidence he displayed when she first walked in. He looked… defeated.
"You will stay here for the night." Her words felt heavy as she spoke. She couldn't let him leave. She couldn't turn him in. Even if he let her, she didn't want him to fight, as he'd said he would. It was painfully clear that he was not powerless—the control he'd taken of her body was terrifying. But he also wasn't as threatening as she had expected him to be—at least not to her.
His story was… complicated. Everything was complicated. She needed time to think. She needed to rest. She'd keep him here and make a decision in the morning.
He lowered his eyes. "Very well."