Knives was snoring softly when Kira woke the following morning. She lay there, watching him as he slept, still examining her options. He didn't seem to be preparing another war against humanity, at least not today, so there wasn't as much urgency to her decision. And if he planned to kill her, he could easily have done it when he froze her in place. What he'd said before was still true—he needed her help. It was in his best interest to keep her alive. And she… well, she wasn't sure what the hell she was going to do.
For a brief moment, she considered shooting him while he slept, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She needed more time and more information. She'd travel with him to Berien and make her choice there. But first, she needed to test something…
She reached into her pack to retrieve the small blade. He could control her body, but how quickly? The bandit had hit him, so maybe if he were surprised he wouldn't be able to stop her. She stood over his bed, lightly shaking his shoulder to wake him. He opened his eyes blearily and she took a step back. "Hey… it's morning. We need to head out soon."
He sat up. "We?"
"I'm going to take you to the next waypoint. After that, I'm not sure."
"I… understand."
His eyes were facing down. As fast as she could, she pressed the blade to his jugular. He didn't even flinch, just raised his eyes to meet hers. She pushed forward until a small trickle of blood began running down his throat.
"Why aren't you stopping me?"
"… I was listening to your thoughts," he admitted reluctantly. "I know you don't intend to kill me right now. I thought… this might make you feel more at ease."
She pulled away. Fuck. She did not feel more at ease. He pressed a hand to the small cut, staunching the blood. She put the knife away, refusing to look at him. "Let's go."
x.x.x.x.x
The town disappeared behind them as the suns rose into the sky. It was a four-day trip to Berien, which meant Kira had four days to figure out who the hell Knives was and what he wanted. She insisted on pulling the cart to start but he stayed close. She couldn't stop looking over at him, amazed that she hadn't placed his identity before. He looked just like his poster. To be fair, she'd only seen it once or twice when it was first released, but it was so clearly him.
"Knives. Tell me about yourself."
He raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Everything. I need to know who you are. What you can do. What you want, now and going forward… Will you try to kill us again?"
"No. That is done. Even if I had my power, I don't desire that now."
She let the weight of the cart rest on her shoulders and reached for the crutch. Without a word she swung it out, hard, hitting him squarely on the back and knocking him a couple steps forward.
"What the hell!" he barked, his eyes flashing.
She smiled. "So I can surprise you. That's good to know."
"Why did you do that?"
"Because fuck you! You're making it sound like the war was just a fleeting whim you were following."
"It wasn't!" he snarled. "It was everything to me! I spent my entire life trying to reach that goal. It was my sole purpose for existing and once it was gone," his voice faltered, "there was no reason for me to continue living."
"You'll excuse me if I have no fucking sympathy for you."
He shot an indignant glare.
Kira began walking again. "So what's your reason now?"
"I don't know! I just want to see Vash. I want to apologize for everything I put him through. Then he can decide what happens to me. If he wants me to turn myself in, I'll do it—willingly."
"What happened between you two?"
"It's a long story…"
"Do I look busy?"
He frowned. "Very well. My brother and I were born on one of the ships—"
"What? You mean the SEEDS ships?"
"Yes."
"In space?"
"Yes."
She made a face. "That's impossible! You'd be over 150 years old!"
"Yes. 154 to be precise."
Kira's eyes grew wide.
"Only one crewmember was keeping watch out of hypersleep at the time—a woman named Rem. She raised my brother and I through our first year of life. As plants, we age very differently from humans. At the end of our first year, we were physically equivalent to a human child of seven or eight years old. Mentally we were already as intelligent as your most adept scientists. Rem was… kind. She was gentle. She took care of us and… we loved her."
"Shortly after our first birthday, we learned about the first independent plant and what they'd done to her." Anger seeped into his voice. "We also learned that Rem had been involved in the experiments and hadn't stopped them. I lost all faith in humanity. I felt betrayed. If she—the closest thing we had to a guardian—wouldn't or couldn't protect us, then I had to. I thought that I could destroy the humans on the ships in one fell swoop. I changed the navigation system so we would crash on this desolate planet."
Kira looked at him in horror. "No…"
He turned away. "I'm sorry for that as well. It was… a mistake."
"You caused the Big Fall? But… you were just a child…" It was too much to believe.
"I thought I knew what I was doing…" He shook his head. "I set the ships containing most of the plants to land safely. I planned to have Rem escape with Vash and I, since he was still very attached to her, but when the ships began to descend, she pushed us into a pod and remained behind to try to fix the problem. She was able to save a portion of them, but lost her life in the process."
"When I told Vash what I'd done he was furious. But he continued to follow me. After all, we only had each other. For decades we watched the humans struggle to survive—I thought this desert would be the end of them. But gradually, they took root and began to grow as a race, using our sisters' energy to do so. I wanted to wipe them out but Vash fought me every step of the way. Eventually, I realized I could never finish what I'd started with him at my side, so… I left…"
His tone implied that it wasn't as simple as that. She cocked her head in an obvious demand for more information and he grimaced.
"Please don't ask…"
She let out a weary sigh. Somehow she suspected she'd be happier not knowing. "So what happened next? You left. Then what?"
"I continued learning what I could about our abilities as independent plants and recruited a sort of militia while he went off and lived amongst the humans. Eventually, I thought I'd found a way to make him understand that, as much as he might wish it, he was not human. I thought if I showed him the magnitude of power we were capable of, he would understand that we were so much greater than they were. I caused him to release his energy in July, where he was living in at the time, but he aimed it at me, destroying most of my body along with the city and almost killing me."
This was getting ridiculous. "Of course you caused July too." It wasn't even surprising at this point. She'd be willing to bet he was behind the hole in the fifth moon as well—basically anything attributed to Vash was probably his fault. Maybe she should have killed him while he was sleeping…
"My men took me to a plant where I spent years recovering. Once I had a new body I made my final attempt to win Vash over, but he refused to join me. I began trying to save our sisters while keeping him imprisoned where he couldn't interfere. He pleaded for your lives, but all that mattered to me was rescuing the angels. I thought it would be a fitting end for your race." He met her eyes. "I was wrong…"
Kira looked away. She wasn't about to give him even a hint of forgiveness after hearing all of that.
"Eventually he broke free and allied with the No Man's Land and Federation forces in Octovern. I believe you know the rest."
She was speechless. The idea that he was going to try to apologize to his brother or anyone was almost laughable now.
"Laughable. Yes, I suppose you're right."
She glared at him. "That's very rude, listening in on someone's thoughts."
"I was just making sure you weren't about to pull a gun on me again." He sent her a cold look.
"So you're allowed read my mind to ease your worries, but I just have to take your word for it that you're not heading to Octovern to finish what you started?"
"Yes," he said simply.
She scowled, mentally calling him every bad word she could think of. "Is there anything else you can do that I should know about?"
He shrugged. "I think you've already noticed most of the other traits that differentiate my species from yours. We live longer, obviously, and age differently. We are more intelligent than you and are physically stronger and faster," he said with a slight arrogance. "Our bodies are also more resilient and heal quickly. Most of our 'power' comes from an inter-dimensional energy gateway—something like an organ in our arms. We can draw on that energy and use it in a variety of ways."
"But yours is gone…"
"Yes… mine is gone. I spent most of it reforming my body after the angels were ripped away from me. All I have left are my latent physical traits and my telepathy."
A crease formed between her brows as a distrustful curiosity struck her. "Why are you telling me all of this anyway?"
"As I said, I still want your help. I… hope… that by being honest with you, I might secure it. And you deserve to know the truth. I never wanted to lie to you before," he said, gazing at her sincerely. "I just didn't see any other option."
She eyed him skeptically, absently chewing the inside of her cheek. She wanted to believe him, but after all of the calculated half-truths he'd been feeding her, it was difficult.
x.x.x.x.x
Kira's mind was muddled when they finally stopped for the night. She'd been interrogating Knives all day. He'd elaborated on some of the things he'd touched on in their first conversations and didn't seem to be hiding much, if anything. He answered her questions without hesitation. He was legitimately trying to appease her, although she still wasn't sure if it was for her sake or his…
The full scale of damage he'd cause over his century and a half of life was astonishing. He was… apologetic… for some of it at least… Honestly, it was hard to gauge the level of his remorse. She could sense uncertainty and regret when he spoke of some things, but there was still a deep animosity toward humanity over their exploitation of his sisters… and the death of the first independent. She'd barely even touched on that subject. He bristled at the slightest mention of it…
Beyond what he'd told her, a few of her own memories kept replaying in her mind. He hadn't been faking the two panic attacks. He was definitely going through something, although she couldn't be certain what it was. Unfortunately, even if he was being honest and he truly felt guilt for what he'd done, it might not be reason enough to overlook his past.
Her decision was further complicated by the mental image of him she'd created before she found out the truth. A tiny portion of her mind still sympathized with the 'wrongfully accused' man she had wanted him to be. Of course, that man wasn't real and never had been, but her momentary flickers of compassion for him were an incessant reminder of her previous feelings. Granted, any sympathy she felt was quickly followed by sharp disgust, but still… it was troublesome.
Kira grabbed the bedroll and unfurled it near the cart as usual, sitting on it while she ate her dinner. Knives had sense enough to eat his meal standing, giving her some much-needed space. After their evening rituals, he approached cautiously. She raised a brow.
"… Where will I be sleeping…?"
She almost laughed. "The blanket is in the cart."
x.x.x.x.x
Knives shivered in the cold night air, his teeth chattering loudly. He was half tempted to cuddle up next to Kira outside of the sleeping bag just for some extra warmth, but… it would only piss her off. He'd made a good deal of progress with her today and he didn't want to undo it.
She hadn't forgiven him—understandably—but she mostly trusted his words. He knew the only chance he had of staying with her was to be entirely forthright, and so he had been. And… he truly did regret the pain he'd caused. The least he could do was answer her questions.
x.x.x.x.x
Kira woke first the next day. After her morning rituals she kneeled by Knives, who was wrapped tightly in the small blanket. Served him right. She put her hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes.
"Time to go."
He sat and rubbed a hand through his spikey black hair.
"Here." She handed him his food and they began eating in the early light.
"… That blanket is useless," he muttered.
"And?"
He gave her a disgruntled look. "Never mind."
She cursed at him in her head. "We should reach the Berien the day after tomorrow, so you only have make it through two more nights. The bus to Octovern should stop at various towns along the way, so we'll be able to stay at the inns for the rest of the trip."
He looked up in surprise. "We?"
"You… whatever." She mentally kicked herself for the slip of the tongue. Although there was no way he could afford the bus fare without her help… or lodging fees… or food. Plus, he'd have to stay out of sight, now that there were more people around who might recognize him, so getting a job would be difficult. He was fucked.
After the previous day of questioning, she'd made up her mind on one point at least: she wouldn't turn him in. Or, to put it more accurately, she couldn't bring herself to do it. He'd been right about one thing—the chances of him surviving if the Federation discovered him were slim—and she didn't have it in her to assign him such a fate. That wasn't to say she had decided to help him, or that she wouldn't tell the Federation that he was still alive, but she wouldn't bring them directly to him.
Kira climbed into the harness and couldn't help but notice the tiniest smile on his lips. Bastard had probably been listening to everything she'd been thinking… Once again, she began a mental rant against him but his smile only deepened.
x.x.x.x.x
She had said 'we.' She'd decided not to turn him in. And her mental cursing was strangely encouraging—the anger in it was less biting than it had been. She was cooling off… or warming up. Either way, it was a good thing. This was going much better than he'd hoped!
She began walking and he followed beside her. She wouldn't let him pull the cart, which he found curious. He knew she didn't trust him, but its seemed like such an odd task to be considered a 'privilege.' If anything, she should force him to pull it! But he wasn't about to tell her what to do—at least not now.
"Why is your hair blond in the wanted poster?" she asked, drawing his attention.
He ran a hand through his increasingly shaggy black locks. "Actually, it's kind of a long story."
Kira snorted. "Isn't everything, with you?"
Her words bolstered his mood even further. She was comfortable enough to tease him.
"All plants have blond hair when they're born. As we use up our energy, our hair gradually turns black. They call it the 'hair darkening effect.' Once the blond is gone, it means our energy is depleted and we die… at least that's what I thought. I wasn't able to access much information about it."
"Well, that wasn't exactly a 'long' story, but at least it was unusual. Have you ever thought about growing your hair out or growing a beard or something? I mean—you look exactly like your picture."
He wrinkled his nose, rubbing his hand along his extremely stubbly chin. "I hate beards…"
"I'm sure you'd hate prison a lot more, if you even made it there."
He gave her a tentative smile. "You're being helpful."
Her mood soured instantly and he mentally reprimanded himself for pushing her. "Don't get excited. I still haven't decided what to do with you. Now come on, we have a lot of ground to cover."
x.x.x.x.x
They'd been walking for several hours and Knives' optimism was starting to fade. She wasn't asking him nearly as many questions as the previous day. He didn't particularly enjoy being interrogated, but her silence was disconcerting. He'd glanced into her mind a few times, but she was still just contemplating what to do.
He let out a soft huff, causing her to look over. She frowned slightly and returned her gaze to the horizon. "Knives…"
"Yes?"
"Tell me about the first girl," she said, her voice measured.
He pursed his lips. This was the one topic he really didn't want to discuss. Even after all these years, the memory still put him on edge. So far, she seemed to sense his agitation and hadn't addressed it in depth, but finding Tessla had been such a critical moment in his life—the moment when his world had imploded—of course she'd want more information.
"Vash and I were exploring a portion of the ship we'd never been to when we came across information on Tessla in one of the lab computers. It was strange… it was almost like she led us there… like she wanted us to find her. At first we were excited. We thought we were the only ones of our kind, so to learn that there was another was…" He shook his head. How quickly their elation had turned to horror. "We scrolled through the data and images and discovered all of the grotesque things they'd done to her in the name of research," he fairly spat the word. "They didn't even give her a proper burial when she died. We found her, dissected and floating in a tank. I..." He exhaled heavily. "It was more than I was prepared for."
"And that was when you decided to kill us?"
"… Yes… That was where it began. I actually fainted from the shock. When I awoke, I realized what I had to do. I couldn't let that happen to any of my kind again. I had to stop the humans. It was the only way to protect us," he said firmly.
She let out a short, mirthless laugh, causing him to scowl. What could she possibly find amusing about this?
"You think it's funny?"
"It's fucking hilarious…"
Cold fury filled him. "And why is that?" he growled.
"This whole war was just your inability to cope with a childhood trauma."
He narrowed his eyes. "Be very careful with your next words."
"Or what? You'll kill me? So what! In case you hadn't noticed, my life does not matter to me, and do you know why? Because you destroyed everything that gave it meaning! Now," she said, letting out a short breath, "back to my point, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. You were traumatized as a child, and your entire life has been a vain attempt to rectify that, yes? Humans killed the first of your kind so you decided to fight back."
He didn't respond so she continued.
"Look, I'm sorry that you were hurt, and I'm sorry that the girl before you died in such a horrible way. What happened to her was truly awful and wrong, but at the same time I don't think it makes up for any of the things you've done. You can't just use it as an excuse to do whatever you want—to kill whoever you want! You shouldn't have attacked us like that."
"Then what should I have done instead?" he hissed, his eyes glinting.
"You should have worked through it, and maybe even accepted that what happened was a bad choice made by a very small number of people! You should have moved on instead of going to war with an entire species just to get revenge! I know you were a kid, and I can almost understand you overreacting then, but after you grew up, you should have looked for a more diplomatic solution. Did you even try to reach out to us with your demands or were you too preoccupied with your warped attempt at justice to bother? You didn't even give us a chance! Instead of attacking us you should have dealt with your pain like a normal fucking person!"
How dare she speak to him like that! "I should have dealt with my pain? Like how you dealt with your pain—by burying it so deeply inside yourself that living in the cemetery of your former city didn't even bother you?"
For a moment she was speechless, then her face twisted in violent rage. "You… you fucking bastard! You have no idea what I went through! What I'm still going through!" She began stomping over to him, causing him to take a few steps back. She was all but shouting at him. "You're… you're evil! You're a fucking monster! I wish I had left you to die! This was a mistake… this… We're done! We are no longer travelling together so—go! I don't care where, just go!" She turned away from him and began marching forward, furious tears streaming down her cheeks.
Fuck… fuck fuck fuck. How could she be mad at him! Well… of course he knew how, but she was being a bitch! What now? He had no food or water. He sort of wished he'd been pulling the cart… He started walking alongside her, hoping she'd calm down.
A moment later she caught sight of him turned with a snarl. "Dammit! I said go!" She grabbed his pack and threw it in his direction along with one of the waterskins. "Leave me the fuck alone!"
Fuck. What now… Why had he said those words to her? He was supposed to be winning her over.
He expected her to lash out, just not about Tessla. That was the one topic he thought was sacred. But… she wasn't defending what happened, she was criticizing his response.
And he had overreacted. He'd accepted that much, at least.
But for her to dismiss his pain so coldly! To mock him! She couldn't understand what he'd gone through. She hadn't been there!
And so he had undermined what she had gone through. He had dismissed her pain… to get even… That what he always did, wasn't it. He 'got even.' That was what the war had been about. If he was being entirely honest with himself, it had been less about the angels and more about retaliation—which made their deaths so much worse. He'd been selfish. He'd been… childish, seeing the world from such a narrow perspective. He had blinded himself, refusing to entertain the notion that humans were anything but a plague, and his limited vision had cost everything.
The angels realized the truth. Vash always knew the truth. It had taken Knives too long to get there…
She was right. It was funny. That one moment when he saw Tessla's corpse and fainted had led to millions of deaths—including everyone Kira had ever known. Really fucking funny.
She was quickly disappearing into the watery waves of heat on the horizon. It'd be suicide to try to find his way on his own. All he could do was follow her. Maybe… maybe she could still forgive him…
x.x.x.x.x
It was getting late. The suns were half set and Kira was leaning against the cart, chewing on her dinner. Knives had been her shadow all afternoon—never approaching too close, but always visible in the distance. She could barely see him now, sitting in the sand, a silhouette against the setting suns.
It'd be dark soon.
And cold…
She took another bite and began tapping her fingers anxiously against the wood.
He was probably hungry. She'd forgotten about food…
He deserved this. He deserved to suffer.
It'd be dark soon… too dark to see.
He'd be fine. He'd be cold. He'd be hungry. But he'd be fine…
Shit.
She wished she could feel that rage she'd felt before. But, after spending an afternoon thinking about it, she had to admit—she'd started that fight. Granted, he'd started the fucking war… but still. She'd been pretty heartless—intentionally. She just couldn't stand the way he presented it, as if he didn't have a choice. As if he had to attack humanity.
Regardless, she knew it was a touchy subject and she threw it back in his face. And… what he'd said to her wasn't entirely wrong. He wasn't entirely right either, but… she did bury her pain. She did it because if she let herself get lost in it, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to come back out. She pushed it away and kept herself busy so she wouldn't have to feel it. Was that so wrong?
She didn't know anymore…
Either way, her anger had dulled. And now the smallest fragment of guilt was creeping in. She couldn't leave him out there. She sighed and put the harness back on, pulling the cart in his direction. He stood and began walking towards her.
His face was grim when they finally met. Without a word she put the crutch in place and reached into the cart, grabbing some food and the blanket and handing them to him. He accepted carefully.
"I'm… sorry. For what I said," he murmured, staring down at his feet.
"Yeah, me too," she grumbled. "For some of it…" she added.
"Do you still want me to leave?"
Did she? A part of her did, but a part of her would just worry about where the hell he was and what trouble he was causing… And a tiny part would worry about whether or not he was okay. As much as she hated it, she knew him too well now. He was no longer the mindless villain from her nightmares, floating through the skies on his ark and tearing the planet apart, he was a person, flawed and complex, albeit with an incredibly skewed perspective of the world.
She pursed her lips, regretting her answer before she even gave it. "… No. You don't have to leave."
He let out a soft breath and she could see relief on his face.
x.x.x.x.x
Neither one spoke the following morning. Knives was too wary to even try reading Kira's thoughts as they set out. For one, her mind was growing increasingly combative against him. If he didn't hold back, she might start to notice his intrusions consciously instead of simply reacting on instinct. Secondly, he was afraid of what he might find if he did.
They had both said things they shouldn't have the previous day, but it felt like he'd made the larger mistake. His situation was much more precarious than hers. He still didn't think she'd turn him in, despite their fight, but that wasn't really what he was worried about. He may have messed up any chance he had of obtaining her help. And he really didn't want to part from her.
As minutes crept into hours, he was sure it was over. The silence continued through lunch and through the afternoon. The suns were low in the sky when she finally spoke.
"Tell me about Vash."
He looked over, momentarily stunned before he found his tongue. "What do you want to know?" He'd already told her most of the pertinent details of their lives together. She knew about their travels, the Gung-Ho Guns, the priest and the events leading up to their final battle where he'd injured Vash. What else was there?
"Tell me about who he is…"
He didn't know why, but for some reason her question surprised him. "I honestly don't know that much about him now—we parted ways so long ago. He had barely regained consciousness when I left after the war."
"Then tell me what you remember."
"He's an idiot… Well, maybe not an idiot, but he is ridiculous. He cares too much—for everyone. He's a pacifist. He's kind. He makes people laugh." He felt his throat constrict as memories of his life with his brother flooded his mind. He swallowed, trying to ease it, and continued. "He's essentially the opposite of me. He protects people. He's forgiving. He's the kind of person everyone loves."
"And you're the kind everyone hates?"
"Aren't I?" he asked it in earnest.
She gave him a contemplative look for a moment before shrugging. "Maybe… I don't know…"
He frowned—he'd hoped for more of an answer than that. Might as well be direct. "Do you hate me?"
"I want to hate you. And a part of me does, but… I can't help but feel a little sympathy for you. I don't know. I think spending so much time with you has screwed up my mind," she said with a sardonic smile. "What you did was wrong, but what happened to Tessla was wrong too. I think you were misguided, but you really thought you were doing the right thing…"
He felt his breath catch as her glimmer of understanding shone through. "Do you think… Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
She shook her head slowly. "I don't know."
"Then… what will you do? Will you turn me in?" He already half-knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her say it.
She raised an eyebrow. "As if you'd let me? But no, I won't turn you in."
"Will you come with me?"
She paused, thinking. "Yes, Knives, I will."
His heart jumped.
She sighed. "I will finish what I started. I'll take you to your brother. That way I can keep an eye on you. But if you try anything—anything—I will hand you over to the Federation without a second thought."
He nodded. "I understand… and… I promise I won't cause trouble."
She stared at him skeptically, but nodded back.
x.x.x.x.x
He went to sleep that night, huddled in his thin blanket feeling lighter than he had in days. She'd come. She'd be there with him. She knew who he was and was still willing to help him. He closed his eyes and pictured her beside him, running her hands through his hair, kissing him, her body pressing against his. He sighed. She may never be that close to him again, but at least she wouldn't be too far away.