CG POV
"Who's Mrs. Grey?" When that came out of her mouth my heart sunk. She doesn't remember me or our life.
"I'm just Ana." WHAT! I whipped my head up so fast. I think I gave myself whiplash. Does that mean?
"Baby? Please tell me you know who I am." I was pleading with her to say she remembers me.
"You are the love of my life. Like I would ever forget you Christian." I rush to her side and sit on the bed.
"Oh thank god." I placed both hands on the sides of her face. "Don't you ever do that to me again?" I said kissing her face. "I thought I lost you."
"You will never loose me."
"I love you so much baby. I am so sorry for everything. I promise you I will make everything right." I am pleading for her to believe me.
"I know you are sorry Christian. I heard everything you said." What? She heard everything. "Yes baby, I heard everything."
"Oh Ana! Please say you'll forgive me."
"I will forgive you Christian, eventually. But I will never forget." NO! She hasn't forgiven me.
"Please Ana. Please. Trust me I will never do anything to hurt you again."
"Christian, I dont think I can. You know that right. I know that you are sorry. I can see it in your eyes. I love you but you have broken my trust. But we might never the trust that we once had back. I hope we can eventually. But you had my trust wholeheartedly and just shattered it. I gave you everything I had unconditionally. You broke my heart as if it was nothing. It was like my love meant nothing to you." As she was talking to me I could feel the tears in my eyes. I have truly broken the love of my life's heart. I have to fix this and I will if it is the last thing I do.
"An..." I start to apologize again but she stops me.
"No Christian. I dont want to hear how sorry you are. I want to see it. I want..." She stopped and started to tear up.
"What, what is it that you want? I will give you anything. You know that. Anything Ana." She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. "Baby, please tell me what you want."
"I want to have what you promised when we got back together. NO RULES, NO PUNISHMENTS, AND DEFINITELY NO MORE FUCKING SECRETS. That is all we have had. Honestly, I am tired of it. You keeping thing from me in some misconstrued way to protect me is ridiculous. When will you get that I am safer knowing what dangers there are. We are so much stronger when we stand together. " I can do that. "I also want...I want...I want to be able to t.t.touch you whenever I feel the need to." No anything but that. I know we have been working on it, but it still is unbearable. What if I hurt her?
"Annnnaa, I can't. It hurts to much." I trt to get her to understand.
"Christian, I need you to move back to the chair."
"What? No! Why?" She sighed.
"Please just move to the chair." She pleaded with me. I moved to the chair but held her hand like it was a lifeline. She started to pull away. I held her hand tighter. "No Ana. Please, I need you."
"I need to think a minute." She said as she pulled from my grasp. I gasped. Please dont let this be the end. I reached out for her hand but she moved it away. "STOP! I want you to listen to me for a damn minute. Do you see what not touching me is doing to you?" Yes, It is breaking my heart. I love touching her. "You just want to touch me, comfort me, and show me your love. Yet you wont let me do that to you. Everytime I try to touch you, you flinch and move away or you grab my hands before I can touch you. Yet you always let Elena touch you right in front of me. Do you know how bad that hurts that you wont let me, ME the woman you say you love touch you?"
"Baby, I do love you. But she knew my ..." She cuts me off again before I could point out that Elena knew my boundries.
"Then draw me a damn road map. Because you told me not to touch your chest and back. Yet I cant touch you anywhere. I would never going outside your boundries that you put trust in me not to. But do you know what I want to convey when I try?"
"No."
"Think about what you try convey when you touch me." I start wracking my brain. I try to convey me love to her.
"When I try to grab your face with both hands. I want to tell you I love you so much without having to say anything." Thats exactly what I do.
"When I try to grab you neck when you kiss me. I just want to increase the intimacy between us. Yet you grab my hands and wont let me." I crave more intimacy with her.
"When I try to touch your hair. I just want to be closer to you." Shit she is saying exactly what I want her to know."When I try to put my head on your shoulder when we are in bed. You move and make me face away from you. That hurts so much. I just want to comfort you and I am asking for some affection." She justs wants my affection like I want hers. "I have loved you since I felt that spark when I first shook you hand."
"I think I have too since then. I just didnt know it was love back then.
"Christian, there are so many more thing I want my touch to mean to you. I want you to know my love even when I can't say it out loud. I want to be able to communicate with you even without words."
"I want that too. I can try but I cant promise anything."
"Thats all I want is for you to try. But I am going to ask that you try not to touch me for the rest of the day. I want you to understand how it feels."
How am I going to be able to do that? I want to touch her constantly throughout the day. I crave it. I feel like I cant breathe if I dont touch her when she is near me. She is my comfort, the calm to my storm, and my safe place.
I go to tell her I understand now. But nothing is coming out.
AS POV
I can see he is going through emotions that he has never felt before. He has never known or wanted the intimacy and closeness that we have with anyone else. His past was just an outlet that was taught to him at fifteen years old and he carried it on throughout adulthood. Never allowing himself get close to anyone. Not until I broke down his walls and showed him he was capable of love.
He goes to reach out for me again. I just pull my hand back slightly. His head dropped. "Please Ana. I just need to touch you. I need to know you are here and that you are mine. Please Ana. Please, I need you. Please, Ana dont leave me."
"DAMN IT CHRISTIAN. I just want you to understand how it feels. I am not going anywhere. Havent I proved that yet. Look at what I have put up with and I am still here. I am yours forever. When will you fucking get that? What will it take to show you I am yours? Huh! I have your last name, carrying your baby, wearing your ring, and this." I pulled down my top and just above my heart "Yours forever and a day" in his script is tattooed. Its from the letter he wrote to me on our wedding day. Just below it is our initials interlocked in grey. Like the cufflinks I got him for a wedding present.
"Baby, when did you do that?" He is shocked.
CG POV
When she pulled down her hospital gown. I was shocked to say the least. She has a tattoo over her heart. It was still healing. But I could see it. When did she do that.
"Baby, when did you do that?" I say shocked that she would do that. "Is it safe for the baby?"
"Yes, Christian, the place was a respectable establishment. So the baby is safe. I did this when you went to Portland after I told you about the baby." She did this after I walked out on her. I had betrayed and treated her horrendously. I cant believe what she did to prove to me that she is mine.
"Ana," I go to grab her face but she moves away. I want to show her what this means to me.
"Please dont touch me right now."
"You dont know what this means to me." And I mean it I cant even put into words what this means. She is mine forever and day.
"Right now, I hope it means you know that I am yours and I was never going to leave you. Even after everything you have put me through.
"Baby, I love you more than words. Right now I cant even believe that you would do this."
"I stayed after you told me your darkest secret. Why would you think I would still leave?"
"Because of my fifty shades baby." She giggled at that. There was my favorite sound. "I love your giggle Ana."
"I knew with your self loathing that you would react how you did about the baby. I just didnt know that you were still talking to her, and going to go to her for advice. I felt broken after I found out. I wasnt sure what was going to happen to us, but I knew I would love you always. I knew you were my life and I wasnt going to let you throw that away because you were told you were incapable of love. So I wanted something that said I was yours forever." Well this definitely said that.
AS POV
"Christian, You are my life. I know I would be a shell of a person without you. I have done it before and I barely survived those five days. How do you this I would survice the rest of my life?"
"I know now. I will try my best to be the man you deserve."
"I think we need to look for a new therapist for you."
"Baby, I have Flynn and he is helping me."
"But he isnt Christian. You both told me that I had done more things for you in two weeks than the entire time you have been working for him. I want you to be the best you can, but not for me or the baby. I want you to be the best for yourself." I hope he understand I just want him anyway I can have him. I love my Fifty.
"I will think about it, okay."
"Thats all I ask. I love you and all your fifty shades." I start to pull myself up on the bed.
"Let me help you, please." I nod my head which hurt like hell.
"Can we see if I can eat? I am starving." I grab the remote as he calls Taylor.
"Next up on Insider today. Three weeks ago Mrs. Anastasia Grey was rushed to the hospital." Great what are they going to say now.