The previous night Anya had chosen to give the two younger woman some privacy. It was a rare event for Lexa to show such emotions, even to Anya, so she opted to gather water for the short journey ahead from a nearby stream. When she returned she found a sleeping Clarke, and Lexa was seated against the tree closest to the blondes. The two shared a brief nod before Anya took over watch and Lexa found rest soon after.
There were three things that Clarke realized as she woke up. One, she did not have a nightmare, her guess was because she was too tired to. Two, she did not have the slightest idea of how to define what was going on between her and Lexa. And three, she didn't see anyone around her. Her first thought was that yesterday was all an extremely vivid dream, but that proved false when she looked down at her still wounded leg. Her worry did not have long to fester, because Clarke soon caught sight of long, intricately braided hair.
Clarke watched Lexa go about the camp as she, with obvious intentions of being quiet, packed the few scattered things and placed them in a worn leather saddle bag. The blonde smiled at Lexa's efforts of trying not to disturb her. After a couple of minutes Clarke began to feel awkward with her staring and decided to make her consciousness more obvious, so she slowly sat up with a yawn and let her hands reach for the sky.
When Lexa saw the movement out of the corner of her eye, she tracked it and her eyes landed on Clarke, who had slightly disheveled hair. She couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips, and when met with curious blue eyes, she simply said, "Good morning." When Clarke ran her hand over her hair, she quickly figured out the reason behind Lexa's unusual behavior and blushed while trying to comb her fingers throughout her blonde locks.
Lexa caught what Clarke was doing and informed, "You do not need to worry about looks where we are going." She wanted to say more, but did not know how Clarke would respond. She took a leap of faith by adding, "You always look beautiful."
Clarke paused her ministrations for only a second before continuing so she would seem less fazed than she felt. On the inside her heart skipped a beat, and this time she let her blush showed. Lexa could see from where she was standing and grinned slightly at her results, one that Clarke saw.
Lexa disappeared a few minutes after, and returned with a similar bowl as the one from yesterday. She removed the cloth that had been covering it and handed the rest to Clarke. "It's from the healer." This one smelt stronger than the last, but Clarke had learned not to judge a book by its cover and simply applied it.
After that, time passed by quickly- until Clarke was in front of the horse. Lexa had helped her stand up and together they eased their way over to the animals, which had been moved to be just outside of the small camp. Anya was found stroking one's neck and holding the harness to the other.
Lexa mounted first, followed by Anya kneeling down on one knee and cupping her hands together. After staring expectantly at the blonde and only receiving a quizzical look in return, Anya, slower than needed, instructed, "You get the foot from your uninjured leg, place it on my hands, and I lift you up." Clarke would have been lying if she said she was not at all intimidated by the majestic beast. She looked up at Lexa and received an encouraging smile and an outreached hand. After a few more seconds she thought 'fuck it,' grabbed the hand, put her foot down, and was boosted on to the saddle. As soon as Anya mounted they set off at a slow pace, winding in between the many trees.
Clarke started out stiff on the horse, not because of her close proximity to Lexa, but the fact that she was actually on a horse. She had watched films that included them, but never even dreamt of seeing one in person; riding was even beyond that. Lexa noticed and whispered in Clarke's ear, "It will be a more comfortable ride if you relax." Lexa's breath sent a shiver down Clarke's spine, one that she tried to shake off. She soon took the suggestion to heart and followed the brunette's advice. Clarke let the tension leave her body and rested her back against Lexa's front. That was when she realized the most she had felt in her leg throughout the whole ordeal was a small amount of pressure while getting on the horse. She was already becoming fond of this healer.
Clarke watched as they passed each tree, each bush, each stream. She loved all the green- being on the ground had provided her with the most gorgeous shade of it.
The ride was quiet, not to the point of awkwardness, but enough to where it was peaceful. The only sound came from the horses, and the beating of their hooves as they hit the dirt. No one wanted to ruin the mood. It went on like that for thirty minutes or so when Clarke felt Lexa tense up and the horse stopped. When she looked over she saw Anya doing the same thing. Clarke peered around for several seconds, trying to see if anyone was around them, but then she noticed her two companions were starring straight ahead.
No one spoke a word until Lexa's voice came out- softer than usual, "Anya, you may stay behind. Meet us at the village." This only added to Clarke's confusion. She watched Anya as her and Lexa's horse began its way forward. Once she turned back round, Clarke's curiosity left her body and she was left with an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Lexa had returned to the clearing on more than one occasion, but not in a great amount of times since she became heda. Every time she could picture the event perfectly, as if she was reliving the moment.
Clarke looked around the field, wanting to say something- anything, to comfort the woman behind her. She remembered when people used to speak to her about her father and it would at times drive her near crazy, so she instead chose to cover Lexa's hands that were on the reins with her own.
"I used to come back here and honor her memory, her legacy.." Lexa's voice cracked slightly at the end. "She was the first of many to sacrifice their life for me, and at times I can't help but wonder if it was worth it. I've done so many bad thi-"
Clarke couldn't stand the nauseous feeling that replaced the emptiness and interrupted, "Like you said, you do what you have to for your people. How am I supposed to forgive myself if you can not do the same for you?"
Lexa did actually consider the question, but before she could dwell on it for long Clarke continued, "This is coming from a person who you have wronged. I honestly do not think you're bad or evil. While you can be ruthless, everyone makes bad choices. That's just life. I think you are brave for having to make those choices, and move past their mistakes." When Lexa took a deep breath, Clarke took one of the brunette's hands of the reins completely and intertwined their fingers, leaving them to rest on her lap. When she felt Lexa squeeze back, she chose a more vulnerable route by saying, "I wouldn't feel safe around someone if I thought they were a bad person, and I haven't felt as safe as I do in this moment- in your arms."
Lexa wasn't sure if it was that they had left the clearing, or if it was simply Clarke's words- probably both, but she felt like she could breathe clearly for the first time in a good while. Hoping Clarke wouldn't mind, in efforts to just be closer, Lexa took her remaining hand from the reins and wrapped her arm around the other girl's waist, holding her closer. Riding a horse without hands was something she learned to do many years before.
Neither would admit it out loud, but they both needed it- they both needed each other.
The easy silence returned. Neither of them questioned anything: What they were or what the future held. They just let themselves be comfortable with the other.
Although both would have preferred for the contact to last longer, Lexa eventually returned both of her hands to the reins and hesitated before saying, "We will be arriving soon. It is not safe."
Clarke scoffed and made a move to scoot forward, but grunted when it rubbed against the wrong part of her wound.
Lexa did not have the slightest clue to as to what just set Clarke off, but she stopped her from moving anymore. "If I upset you, then I will move back. Do not jostle your injury." True to her word, she moved back as far as the saddle would allow her to. She wanted to ask Clarke what was wrong, pleading the girl's resentment wasn't returning.
Lexa being so noble only further annoyed Clarke. "Something is always dangerous if I'm around- whether it's someone else's safety or my own. What happened to maybe we do?" Clarke asked in her best impersonation of Lexa's voice. With the way things were going lately, life was just about survival.
"What happened to mockery is not the product of a strong mind?" Lexa took a quick, deep breath to calm herself. "I still believe what I said. Maybe we do deserve better. Maybe life is about more than just surviving, but if I have to just survive for you to be safe then so be it, Clarke."
"What's that supposed to mean," Clarke asked quicker than she could process the words.
With complete sincerity, Lexa responded with the best explanation she was capable of. "I told you, I care, Clarke." She would say it a million times if she had to in order for Clarke to understand. She had never spoke such truth. With the Azgeda in search of Wanheda, her simply surviving would give Clarke a better chance at living.
This time when Clarke heard the words she thought about them, long and hard. While she was musing, Lexa decided the tension had cooled down enough to return to her more secure spot behind Clarke.
It did not take long to reach the village after the two's short lived spat. It was enough to pull Clarke from her thoughts. It had a much more homely feeling than she expected it to. When they first entered they were met by two soldiers who nodded at Lexa as she entered. The outskirts of the village consisted of tents, the further in they went the more stable the construction became. Everything was either made out of wood or old metal from before the time before the bombs. Once the got to the center of everything Clarke inhaled deeply and loved the scent. It was a small market place with a few stalls. Some had food, others healing supplies, and finally, one with candles. The deeper they got, the more often people noticed their visitors, everyone had wide and excited eyes while calling out, "Heda."
Lexa wasn't entirely sure how she felt about being back yet. She had left with many unresolved issues, most of them her own, but in the moment all she could think about was Clarke's awe. She could easily admit that there were poorer and worse off places to grow up in- she had visited most of them for her various commander duties. She led the horse towards the market, recognizing many of the faces from her early childhood. When called out to she would nod respectfully before continuing.
It did not take long for whispers of Wanheda to intermingle with those of Heda. Clarke mimicked what she had seen Lexa do before, and was sure she would currently be doing.
It did not take long for them to reach the healer's hut. They were met by a brown haired man with a strong jawline, and a green eyed woman with dirty blonde hair. Lexa jumped off the horse then followed up by carefully helping Clarke dismount. The man held out his arm for Clarke to lean herself against, and the two steadily entered the building. Lexa went to follow, but was stopped by a light hand on her arm and a sad voice. "You could have sent advance that you were coming, Lexa."
Lexa had the respect to stare the older woman before her in the eyes, even though she badly wanted to look away. "I'm sorry," she said before pulling away and seeking out Clarke. It was not a hard task to accomplish as the hut was quite small,. It was just big enough for a few people to occupy it. Clarke was seated on the cot nearest the wall, her pants had been removed and a blanket was covering her with enough room for the healer to work.
"Are you going to introduce me, Lexa?" The man probed with a light tone, one that made Clarke curious to just who exactly this person was. She had heard no one other than Anya address Lexa with anything other than her title. One thing she did know was that the man already knew who she was- everyone seemed to.
"Clarke, this is Zoren, my father.." Clarke looked back and forth and her jaw almost dropped before she caught it. She was surprised she hadn't seen it before. Putting two and two together, she figured out that the woman must've been Lexa's mother. She didn't know what to say, so she smiled at him and continued to stay silent.
"It is nice to finally meet you, Clarke. Now, this is not as bad as it appears to be," Zoran began as he further inspected it. "If you do little activity, drink this," he held up a container with cloth wrapped around it, "and apply this," doing the same thing with yet another bowl of paste, "You should be able to move around normally again in two nights, plus this one."
Clarke raised her eyebrow, skeptical of being able to heal in such a short amount of time. Zoran chuckled and said, "We have created fast healing methods for our warriors, and have had years of practice to perfect them." He then gestured toward the items that he handed to Clarke. "If you follow my instructions, it will work." He walked to Lexa and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Will you be coming by?"
Lexa honestly did not know the answer to that question at the moment. Part of her wanted to, but the other part was more unsure. "We'll see."
Clarke did not think too much on what they were saying in trigedasleng, guessing they were speaking about some family matter. Sooner than she expected he dismissed himself, "I will see the both of you tomorrow." Instead of speaking the two girls just nodded their goodbyes.
Once the door closed, Lexa walked over to Clarke. She had taken note of her not murmuring a single word since they last spoke. Her thoughts were that the blonde was still upset with her. When Clarke didn't look up at her, she began to believe her thoughts were facts and sighed. "If you need anything, just call out."
Clarke had something she wanted to say but didn't know how. Since her door of opportunity was closing she went with her gut and grabbed Lexa's hand before she could get too far away. "Wait, please."
Lexa turned around and looked at her, hoping she was wrong in the moments before. When Clarke stayed silent, and still hadn't looked up, she supposed that she was only giving her hopes up again.
"If you care," Clarke began cautiously, "then I need you to do one thing." Her eyes were now on Lexa's. She tried to ready them but it seemed impossible. Lexa was a pro at hiding how she truly felt when she wanted to be.
"Anything," Lexa said confidently, squeezing the hand that was still grasping onto hers.
"Kiss me…" It almost came out as a question, but it was more than that. It provided them with a chance to live, one that the both oh so desperately needed. Clarke had to make sure that she was not the only one feeling something in their relationship.
Lexa meant what she had said earlier- being with her could be dangerous, and was definitely risky. She also knew that no one could see them, and no one would be interrupting them out of reverence for the two. As if she was on auto pilot, Lexa knelt down on her knees. Once she was eye to eye with the blonde, she just stared for a second- making sure it truly was what Clarke wanted. When she saw nothing that told her otherwise, Lexa gingerly put her hand behind Clarke's neck and leaned forward.
When their at last met, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and left them to rest on the other girl's shoulders. It was similar to their first one many months ago, just as soft. It wasn't hungry or needy, but perfect for the time being. As their lips moving together in sync, Lexa parted briefly to tilt her head the opposite direction, praying Clarke wouldn't pull away this time. She didn't. Everything was lighter around them- even the air, it was as if they weren't in some crazy, apocalyptic world.
When each of them needed to breath, they pulled away, but left their foreheads to rest against each other. They were both content with simply being close. Before long, Clarke pulled Lexa up to sit next to her on the cot and rested her head against the brunette's shoulder. Lexa slouched down slightly in hopes of making Clarke more comfortable. The peacefulness of the moment did not last long as someone barged in, causing her to launch up and roughly bump Clarke's head.
Anya stared at them curiously until it dawned on her. It wasn't hard to figure out when Lexa was beet red, something that was very rare to see, even for her. She had only seen it one other time, long ago, and that was when Costia was still alive. She smirked before saying, "Well it is about time." Lexa released the breath that she didn't even know she was holding before looking at a slightly annoyed Clarke who was rubbing her head.
"Skrish, my apologies Clarke," Lexa felt bad for reacting so badly, but her mind had automatically gone to the topic from their previous argument.
Clarke looked at her strangely. "What does that mean?" She tried to test the word out on her tongue, but couldn't manage to get it to sound the same way.
Before Lexa could respond Anya laughed and jumped in, "You have much to learn, sky girl." Lexa had only begun to lightly glare when she added, "Will the two of you be staying here or with me?" Anya had inherited her parents home after their passings. It was where the two usually stayed when they visited. With Clarke now added to the mix Anya wasn't sure if the arrangement would stay the same.
Lexa looked at Clarke, leaving the choice to be hers. Clarke didn't have to think much on the matter. Where she currently was was not bad, but a little claustrophobic to say the least. "Is it far?"
This time Lexa spoke before Anya could once again run her mouth. "It is the building just next door. Her parents bought it when she was a goufa- child, since she was always getting hurt." Anya scoffed lightly before leaning against the wall.
"Is there room?" Clarke inquired, hoping she wouldn't be making an intrusion.
"More than there is in here," Anya responded. Clarke made her way to stand up, but Lexa put a hand on her shoulder and lightly pushed her back down.
"Do as my father said first." Clarke could tell that Lexa wasn't going to budge so she did as told. She had to down the drink because of how strong whatever was inside tasted.
When they finally exited Anya did as Zoran had by offering her arm to Clarke. Lexa stood on the blonde's other side, wishing she could do the same, but was still not willing to risk it.
Before much of the short distance was traveled, an obviously snarky voice called out to them, "Looks like you've gone soft, General." Her title was spat in the utmost mocking manor. Clarke looked between Lexa and Anya, lost to the words of the language, but could clearly sense the tenseness around them.
Anya rolled her eyes and growled before turning her head, forcing an appearance of cool indifference. "Leave us before I show you just how soft I can be." Her voice was as calm, as the rest of her demeanor, but Clarke could feel her muscles tensing beneath the skin of her arm. Lexa stared behind her pointedly, causing the girl to huff and stomped off.
Once the three set foot in the house Clarke automatically noticed how dusty everything looked. It was obvious that it had been years since anyone had entered.
"So… Who was that?" Clarke question, she couldn't help but let her curiosity get the best of her.
Anya huffed while wiping away some of the dust, and started to light candles to illuminate the area. Lexa shook her head frustratingly before answering, "That… was Bree. She was going to be Anya's second until it was decided that I had better attributes for a warrior."
Clarke hummed in response. All she could think was that for such a small village, it sure seemed to be dramatic. When she yawned, Lexa brought the blonde's arm around her neck and led her to the only other room in the house. It was mostly empty, with the exception of a raised bed and a small wardrobe. She sat Clarke on the bed then lit just enough candles so that the two could properly see each other.
"Rest here. I will wake you when I have returned with food." Lexa pulled the covers back enough for Clarke to slip in then brought them to rest under the girl's arms.
Clarke was hungry, but even more so tired, so she nodded and smiled as Lexa lightly pushed a few blonde hairs from her forehead before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to it.
Lexa threw once last glance at Clarke as she reached the door, smiling softlywhen she saw the girl's eyes were already closed.
When she reached the main living area the brunette was met with Anya who was crossing her arms. "You're lucky that I was no one else walking in on you two earlier."
Lexa sighed before nodding, "I'm aware.. I've tried warning her, but she's just.." Lexa left it at that, not being able to find quite the right word.
Anya chuckled before suggesting "Stubborn?" When Lexa chuckled as well and nodded she added, "Well that would make two."
Lexa rolled her lightheartedly eyes before saying, "I'm going to find food."
Anya's eyes lit up as she said, "Bring back a lot."
Lexa grinned one last time before putting her facade back into place and walking into the village. All Anya could think was that she was right- this would be very interesting to watch unfold.