A/N: Sorry about the wait y'all, I got busy with finishing school and athletics. I'm back now though and want to try to update weekly!
Lexa froze; nothing had knocked the breath out of her, yet she still couldn't manage to breathe. She had already lived through this nightmare once- surviving another was out of the question…
Just hours before, the same woman was being woken up by soft murmurs of her name.
"Lexxaa," Clarke whispered in a sing song voice. She was surprised that Lexa hadn't roused from the first few calls of her name. Just then she felt the weight on top of her shift and roll to her side.
Lexa's eyes were met with a bright fully risen sun. She covered her face with her arm, trying to shade it from the brightness. One of the perks of waking up before the sun was fully out was not having to be blinded by its' rays. She returned half way back to the position she had woken up in, her face burrowed next to Clarke's shoulder.
Clarke chuckled at the brunette's behavior. "I need to go to the restroom, then I'll be back."
"Promise?" Lexa asked, her eyes still closed.
"Promise," Clarke confirmed.
As the blonde left to do her business, Lexa finally opened her eyes, for real this time. Her eyes adjusted better than the previous time she tried to open them. A knock sounded from the other side of her door, and when no one came in, Lexa groaned and opened the door herself.
"Heda," Titus greeted. He glanced at her attire disapprovingly.
She had not been expecting him. It was not completely unusual for the man to show up unannounced but there was usually some type of notice. She nodded a greeting to her advisor.
"Why are you not yet dressed?"
"I have time before the challenge, Titus," Lexa responded, already getting annoyed with the man's attitude.
"You should be preparing yourself, Heda." Titus's tone was beginning to grow louder. He looked over her head and spotted some things that he did not recognize to be hers. "Did you spend the night with someone?"
"That is none of your business," Lexa responded not a moment later. She was used to Titus having no boundaries but it was really beginning to grate her nerves."You are my advisor, that is all. What I do at night is my own."
"No, I am the fleimkepa, it is my job to protect the commander's spirit!" Titus bellowed. "Remember, love is weakness, Heda." He had seen Wanheda last night. He had see her walk in with Lexa and her general. He could now look at the same vest she had worn on the floor.
Lexa knew what the man was referencing and she couldn't force herself to care. Nothing more than sleeping had even occurred the night before. "Is there a reason you came here?" Lexa forced herself to ask in an indifferent tone of voice.
Titus scowled, saying, "The challenge will take place soon."
Lexa closed the door a bit harder than was necessary. At that point Clarke finally emerged from the bathroom. She almost walked out on the dispute until she heard the bald man raise his voice, choosing to instead eavesdrop from the other side of the wall.
"I think I might dislike him as much as Nia," Clarke muttered in an effort to lift the tense feeling in the air. She hadn't entirely understood everything that was said, but the parts that she could translate in her head made her blood boil- love is weakness in particular.
Lexa snorted in response. "The difference between them is that Titus does things with reason, Nia on the other hand is unpredictable in her actions. She seldom ever has a valid reason." Lexa would never understand the ice queen or her rationality. She shook her head in annoyance before moving to pick out clothes for the day.
Clarke sighed. "I should go talk to my.. people." It would take some getting used to for Clarke, saying her people. Friends seemed like too lose of a label; she hadn't seen the people in months, minus the night before. On top of that, Clarke was unsure of who the current chancellor even was. She walked around the bed to where Lexa was changing and held her in a tight embrace, ignoring the fact that she didn't have a shirt on at the moment.
Lexa was briefly startled. She had seen a flash of blonde hair just before arms enveloped her. While returning the gesture Lexa memorized everything she could about the person in front of her. Lexa was going to fight for her even if it meant causing her final breath.
"I will see you later, Clarke." It was a promise that Lexa was determined to hold true. When Clarke looked up at her, she could see fear buried in those eyes, but also hope and something else she didn't quite recognize. She held onto those two things the most. Roan was a worthy opponent, but he was not heda- she was.
Clarke nodded. She tried to keep on a brave face, knowing that Lexa was more than capable of winning, but there was always the probability that the opposite would happen. What if she slipped, what is Roan played dirty, what if a meteor fell from the sky and landed on her?
The two met for a short kiss. When they parted Clarke leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder and stammered, "I.." She truly wanted to vocalize those three magical words, but for the same reason that last night was cut short she just couldn't manage to do so. If Lexa died, it wouldn't be the same as when Finn passed. Yes, she had grown to deeply care for the boy, but not to the extent of loving him.
"Ai hod yu in, Klark."
"You know I have no clue as to what you just said, right?" She recognized I and her name in the trigedasleng dialect- everything else was a beautifully spoken mystery.
Lexa was about ninety nine percent sure that Clarke would not recognize the phrase. Knowing that did not take away the nerves that accompanied vocalizing it though. If she was to die then she'd at least have told Clarke she loved her. "I will soon tell you its' meaning," she promised, giving herself yet another reason to leave the challenge as victor.
The two left the room together, Clarke only moved from Lexa's side when she had to get off of the elevator.
"Bye, Lexa."
"Goodbye, Clarke." She vowed for that not to be the last time she said those words to the blonde.
When Clarke turned towards the rooms on the floor, she was startled to see Anya. She took a sharp intake of breath while covering her heart with her hand. "Jesus, Anya, what're you doing here?"
"I figured you would be speaking to your people at some point." Anya shrugged. "I didn't want to walk in on you and a Lexa having sex."
Clarke's face turned a bright way. She was beginning to become aware of just how blunt Anya could be at times. The blonde ignored the faint smirk and started walking to gather everyone.
Surprisingly enough, no one said anything to Clarke. The blonde decided that since Octavia and Lincoln were the last ones to be collected she would meet with everyone in the room they were occupying.
Everyone had ignored Anya's presence up until Bellamy sassed, "Didn't she send three hundred of her warriors to kill us?"
"Didn't we kill 300 of her warriors?" Clarke mentally corrected herself, she killed 300 of Anya's warriors.
Bellamy narrowed his eyes, responding by only redirecting his stare to the floor.
"What about the mountain?" Octavia questioned, her voice was calmer than when she yelled the night before- the venom however remained. Her animosity towards Lexa certainly hadn't gone down. First the secrecy about the missile launch on TonDC, followed by the commander deserting them when it was most needed.
Clarke had swallowed her dread when going into the room and it wouldn't stay down. Trying to get past the surreal feeling of seeing the few people around her was hard enough.
"If it meant saving everyone that came down here with us, if it meant saving your brother, would you have taken the same deal? Would you have betrayed the alliance as well?" It was the same question that Clarke, as well as Lexa, had asked herself many times.
After a moment of consideration, Octavia responded with, "Yes, but I wouldn't have actually left all of them to die."
"How?" It wasn't just a question for the Blake but Clarke as well. If Octavia could come up with an idea on the spot then that would bring up the possibility of Lexa having been able to do something all those months ago. "How!?"
"I don't know!" Octavia shouted back.
"What about you? Say your sister was in your place at the time, would you have saved her?" She prayed that no one could answer the question with a logical solution, it would hurt too much. It would mean that she didn't have to cause an entire civilization become extinct. Bellamy nodded his head stubbornly.
"And you?" Clarke asked while pointing at Raven.
Raven carefully considered Clarke's question. "You know what, I don't think that I can say the same thing." Everyone looked at the brunette with surprised expressions. "They drilled into me for fucking bone marrow! I still have a limp and can not do a damn thing about it!" She looked at Anya sadly before facing Clarke again. "They had to endure that for years more than us- so no, Clarke, my answer is no."
Clarke left it at that, she didn't bother to ask how. If Raven were with them that night, and not shutting off Mount Weather's power, she herself would have been a powerful weapon.
Raven had problems with her leg before the mountain, but she was recovering from getting shot by Murphy. Getting drilled into was like sending her ten steps back from her goal. She couldn't find it in herself to be mad at the grounder commander for saving her people from that excruciating process. While observing everyone's reactions, Raven caught Anya's eyes but couldn't read her expression.
"Why have you been hiding?" Octavia asked what everyone other than Anya had been wondering.
Clarke had been waiting for that specific question. She ignored whatever apprehension she felt and in a false nonchalant voice said, "I was not hiding, I.. I just.." She put her hand behind her and began tapping the back of it with her other.
"I told you that I would give you forgiveness, Clarke." Bellamy sounded hurt, he didn't even try to hide it. He didn't understand why she was behaving the way she was.
Clarke shook her head. He could not grant the forgiveness that she needed, no one could- except for her herself. She looked at him in the eye and dropped the mask, stressing what she was trying to get across. "You might have given me mental strength to pull that lever, but it was going down with or without you. I," she prolonged the word, "pulled the lever. I murdered an entire civilization. Seeing everyone I did that for would just remind me of that."
"For fucks sake, Clarke, we could've been there for you." He paused exasperatedly, taking a breath before stepping towards Clarke and putting his hand on her shoulder. "I could have been there for you."
Clarke tensed up when he moved his hand to her chin, trying to urge her face to look towards his. She pulled her chin to the side and stepped back which, causing his hand to fall to his side. "I bared it so no one else would have to." She put her hands on her hips and turned around, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them she was looking at Anya, who hadn't left her position near the door. Clarke could see the barely noticeable question behind the hazel eyes.
She couldn't respond though, not even in a non-verbal way, because she wanted to be ok, but she just wasn't. She was caught off guard- more than off guard. The stress of the upcoming challenge combined with the surprise of her.. visitors was pushing the blonde to her limits.
"Sounds like hiding to me." It wasn't particularly meant to be a jab, but just how Octavia saw the situation.
It sounded like hiding to Clarke as well but that was left in her thoughts. She had to mentally prepare herself for telling Bellamy and Raven, the only two people that did not know about the thirteenth clan.
She counted down from five in her head, only allowing herself to feel anxious for that short amount of time. Afterwards she stood up straighter, rolled her head to the side to pop her neck, and put her arms behind her back.
Anya looked on with pride. The sky girl was beginning to look like a real leader.
"Bellamy, Raven, you both get along with Lincoln, correct."
"Yeah," they both replied, Bell finished slightly after Raven.
Clarke nodded. "Would you agree then that it is possible for us to coincide with them?"
Raven glanced at Anya before nodding. Bellamy appeared to be in deep thought for several moments but eventually nodded once as well.
"Good, because that is exactly what we are going to do," Clarke replied slightly evasively.
Raven tried to read Clarke's expression, someone wasn't being said. When that didn't work she tried Anya, but the general was even more difficult to read.
"What are you saying, Clarke?" Raven's voice came off as slightly guarded.
Clarke's back was facing away from the group but Anya could see the blonde's nails digging into her palms. Speaking for Clarke would make her look less of a leader, it was something she would have to do herself.
"What L- the commander is in charge of is called the coalition. It was made up of twelve clans until-"
"Clarke don't tell me that you really-" Bellamy abruptly started before being cut off.
Octavia roughly pulled at her brother's shoulder so her would be facing her. They shared similar faces of stubbornness. "You care about us right, everyone that came down from The Ark?" He was still glaring but Octavia knew the answer so she continued, "Look at it this way, the commander can not abandon us again if we are her people." The younger Blake still held some resentment towards what happened back at Mount Weather but even she could see the reason.
After about a minute of tense silence Clarke spoke again. "That is not all." Everyone looked at her except Bellamy who started at her feet instead. "I am Wanheda, the commander of death." She shook her head so she would not be interrupted again. Everyone was looking at Clarke now. "Some people believe that controlling me would mean controlling death. Therefore a challenge has been made against the commander by the Ice Nation, one of the other clans."
"Meaning?" Raven implored.
"A fight to the death," Clarke replied. She quickly silenced the older Blake from responding with a shake of her head, knowing what he was about to say. "Do not blame them for this. We are them now. There were assholes on the ark, right."
"Yeah but-"
"Well there are assholes on the ground too, and the Ice Nation ruler, Nia, is one of them." The blonde rolled her eyes, Nia might as well of been the queen of them for all she cared.
Anya watched as Raven walked towards Clarke. She was about to reach for her sword when one she remembered that no one was to be harmed and two Raven was looking at her cautiously. She could tell that the brunette meant no harm so she relaxed her stance but remained vigilent.
Clarke watched as Raven tripped and quickly moved to catch her. She led her to sit on the bed and was about to back up when Raven pulled Clarke down beside her. "You said Nia challenged Lexa, or the commander, why?"
"Because Nia believes I am something to be controlled and that the commander has said control." Clarke looked at the door, knowing the challenge would begin soon. "Listen, I will explain everything at some point later on, but I have to go. Y'all can attend if you would like."
Clarke left it at that and stood up. She followed Anya out of the room and heard a couple sets of footsteps behind her. The blonde turned her head just enough to see Lincoln and Octavia not far behind them. They nodded and Clarke returned the gesture.
The four of them got on the elevator. The doors were about to close when Anya stuck her hand out to stop the movement. Raven entered a few moments later.
"Thanks." Raven thought she saw a smile but it was gone just as quickly as it seemed to appear.
The group's pace towards the arena was slow enough for Raven to keep up. She was in between Anya and Clarke who were at the front and Lincoln and Octavia.
Anya stopped the party when they came to meet a large crowd of people. "I have to escort Wanheda elsewhere. Do not stick out, the only people that know of the thirteenth clan are the ones that attended the summit."
"Wait!" Raven said loud enough to be heard but not by the bustling crowd. "What happens to Clarke if-"
"She won't lose." Clarke had worries of her own and hearing the mechanic's only made hers increase. She knew Lexa could handle her own, and she wasn't even scared for her own safety, but the brunette's life was in danger and that was enough to cause fear in Clarke.
Raven watched Anya and Clarke leave. The crowd seemed to know to part for the two of them. She could see the younger of the pair tense up after people began noticing her and reaching out. As the three of them entered the crowd Raven had to brush off a few glances directed at her brace. She was about to head for the back of the crowd to avoid further stares when she saw Anya leaving Clarke who was now on a platformed and shaded stage with two other people.
Anya headed to the front of the crowd while still being close enough to the stage in case something were to go wrong. People were bumping into her, trying to get closer to where the soon to be challenge would take place. A certain hand on her shoulder however drew her attention away from the dirt arena. Anya turned her head and was met with deeply brown colored eyes.
"Do you really think she will win?" Raven had never personally seen Lexa fight but if the hype from everyone surrounding her meant anything it was that something interesting was about to happen.
Anya smirked. "I trained her. She will win."
Raven was about to say something else when a possibly drunk person bumped into her. She was caught and steadied by strong arms. When she looked up Anya was glaring at a man who took a few stumbling steps backwards into the crowd. Raven was getting annoyed with herself, two times that day did she almost fall and have to be caught.
"So does Lexa control Clarke?" Raven didn't bother saying the commander, it was just too long and the two might as well of been talking amongst themselves since it was too loud for anyone else to listen in on their conversation.
Anya heard a hidden question but ignored it. "She is not a thing to be controlled, even if some people believe so."
Raven followed Anya's anger filled eyes to the woman that stood next to Clarke on the stage. "Is that Nia?" When Anya nodded she added, "Who's the man next to her?"
"Titus, he is the fleimkepa. In the easiest to explain terms he is in charge of finding a new commander and advising them when he does."
Raven hummed as a response. "Clarke doesn't look too happy to be up there." After Anya snorted the brunette asked, "I take it he is another one of the assholes?"
Anya looked at Raven out of the corner of her amused eyes. It was answer enough.
There was noise all around her but it might as well of been silent for Clarke. She could see people gawk at her while on the platform. She stood between Nia and Titus, neither of whom had said a word since her arrival. The blonde ignored the steely blue stare that seemed to constantly be focused on her.
All of the sudden the noise turned into murmurs and then silence as people began to part from opposite sides of the arena. Lexa emerged from one side and Roan the other. He was easily bigger than Lexa, in both height and weight. His face had scars representative of the Ice Nation. Roan's hair was similar to Lexa's except shorter and it had fewer braids. His clothes looked like stereotypical Ice Nation clothes except they were dirty from being locked up.
Titus stood and put his hand in the air to gain everyone's attention. "Leksa kom Trikru, yu gada throudon in by Nia kom Azgeda."
Anya shifted closer to Raven and whispered, "Lexa from the tree people you have been challenged by Nia from the Ice Nation." The breath by Raven's ear sent a shiver down her spine. When she looked at Anya her eyes were focused on Lexa so she too joined in on watching.
"And I accept," Lexa responded stiffly. She took an irritated breath to rid herself of Titus's annoyance. She would need a clear head for the battle that would soon commence. The commander looked at Clarke just long enough to not be considered suspicious. She still saw Titus narrow his eyes out of the corner of hers though. She turned her attention to Roan. He looked strong even though he had been imprisoned, Lexa would not underestimate him. She knew Azgeda trained its warriors to be ruthless and to win no matter the cost.
Clarke heard Titus clear his throat before he spoke again. "Wina hon in Wanheda."
"Winner gets Clarke," Anya translated in a simpler version.
"Yo na jomp in," Titus concluded
Raven needed no translation as movement began in front of her.
Lexa saw Roan size her up just as she was doing him. They circled around each other, both waiting for the other to attack first. It was a game of patience, one that Lexa intended to win.
Roan's fake lunge was enough to make Clarke jump before she could catch herself. The anticipation was becoming too much. She wanted everything to just be over with so she could be with Lexa again.
Lexa would not fall for trivial tricks, she had not even drawn her sword yet while Roan had. The woman stood strong, not giving Roan anything to learn off of, something to use against her. The commander saw the telltale signs of attack in Roan's feet before anything. There was a twitch before they quickly slid into a position that would allow for him to have more balance to attack.
"He lost the game of patience," Anya commented. The crowd had begun roaring again, now cheering loudly for their commander.
Raven looked on toward the fight. The mechanic tried to find a weakness much like she would with a machine but fighting was not in her area of expertise and she didn't know what to look for.
Without knowing, Clarke was doing the same thing as Raven. While she was more adept than Raven in fighting, she still had not been formally trained yet. The blonde watched as Lexa continued to evade each attack, still not having taken her sword out. Clarke subconsciously started shifting from foot to foot, too concentrated on what was going on to notice her own body movements.
Lexa could tell that he as goating her, but while she herself was keeping a cool head he was becoming impatient and frustrated. She had learned enough from watching him. While he was fast he still valued strength over agility. Quicker than he was able to react she unsheathed her sword and unleashed an attack of her own.
Roan was stumbling backwards but found enough time to regain his step when Lexa spun around once to gain momentum.
Lexa reprimanded herself for taking an easy ending when she had the perfect opportunity to make him lose his balance completely but she would not dwell on her mistake- knowing that doing so could cause her to lose. Roan threw up his sword to block the blow and the two met in a standoff. It was a test of strength and Lexa was forced to one knee as she tried to hold her ground.
Clarke watched with what she thought was a calm expression, but her body language and eyes told otherwise: Her nail were again digging into her palms, she was still shifting from foot to foot, and her eyes were wide with horror.
Lexa would not let that be the end. She put her free hand on the blade of her sword and used her newly gained leverage to force Roan backwards, even as the blade cut into her skin. He quickly recovered even though his sword had been knocked far to his side. He looked around fanatically while walking backwards before punching a guard and stealing his spear. Lexa in the mean time had recovered her opponents sword to use for own personal gain. As she readied herself Roan expertly spun his newly acquired weapon around his body to get a feel for its balance.
The spear was heavier to use and because of that his movements were slower but it was still obvious that he was skilled with the weapon. He again aimed at her head but Lexa was easily able to dodge and ready herself for attack.
Clarke was still fixed on the fight to the point of not being aware of anything else going on around her. Lexa almost looked like she was performing a dance routine, and if her life wasn't in danger Clarke might've thought it was pretty to watch- that however was not the case. She tracked every movement until the two came to another standoff, this time with both of Lexa's swords baring down on Roan. He was easily able to overpower Lexa just as she had done him not even a minute before.
One of Lexa's swords was thrown from her hand, clattering to a halt somewhere behind her. Roan took the opening to flip his spear around and jam the dull end into Lexa's wrist, causing her last weapon to fly near the shaded platform.
Clarke watched as Lexa was forcefully kicked in the center of her chest causing her to fall and roughly slide backwards. Both of the commander's swords were too far for her to get to them in time. The blonde silently begged her to get up but Lexa remained on her back. Clarke got nauseous as Roan stalked closer while raising the spear. She used one hand to hold her stomach and the other to cover her mouth. She almost screamed as Roan thrust his arm downwards, almost, but Lexa rolled to the side at the last second.
Lexa held onto the bottom of the spear, just above the blade, that was now imbedded in the ground. She kicked upwards and used the momentum to slide her hands up the spears body while flipping backwards, effectively pulling both the weapon away from Roan and out of the dirt.
Roan tried to jump over Lexa's next attack but had fallen directly into her trap when she quickly inched the spear up just enough to swipe his ankles to the side. He fell with a thud and she raised the weapon, ready to end the fight once and for all. At the moment that could've been fatal for Roan, Lexa turned to the side and aimed at a specific person on the platform but froze; nothing had knocked the breath out of her, yet she still couldn't manage to breathe. She had already lived through this nightmare once- surviving another was out of the question…