When the gentlemen returned to Netherfield, Darcy requested he and Bingley share a drink before retiring for the night. He knew now that the time had come to right his last wrong. In truth, he was unsure of how his friend would react to his confession. Nonetheless, his repentance would be incomplete if he did not. It was not a pleasant conversation, and though he had not known what to expect, Darcy thought Bingley's reaction to be true to his character.
"I... In truth, Darcy I am astonished," Bingley sighed after tense silence. "You mean to say that you knew she had come to London and you deliberately concealed her from me?" Darcy looked away shamefully before nodding in reply. Another disappointed sigh. "I cannot deny that I'd have expected this from my own sisters, but I'd have never expected this of my most trusted friend." When Darcy met Bingley's eyes again, there was a coldness in them he rarely witnessed. It was not often he witnessed Bingley's cheerful demeanor slip away.
"I am more ashamed than I can say," Darcy trudged on. "I know now that I was entirely in the wrong, and not only have i disrespected you, I have disrespected Miss Bennet as well. I was completely in the wrong, and I apologize deeply." There was another pause while the gentleman considered his reply, eyeing Darcy critically, then began shaking his head with a smirk.
"I shall only forgive you if she still cares for me." Darcy sighed with a tentative sense of relief; he knew there would be some time before the dust settled between them.
"Even that is too generous considering my behavior."
"There is no doubt you have done me great wrong, but we are loyal friends. You came to me with the truth and your confession. I am grateful for your apology and of course you are forgiven, though I must admit, I - I need time, Darcy." Darcy had anticipated this eventuality.
"I have arranged to leave for London in the morning. I had thought it might be best to..." Bingley nodded his appreciation.
"Truly, Darcy. I thank you for your confession."
"It was the right thing to do," was Darcy's simple reply. He bowed his head, Bingley returned the gesture, and Darcy excused himself to retire.
-:-
After ten days back in London, Darcy's routine was back in its normal way. The city diverted him, its liveliness was a guaranteed distraction, though he had not done much socializing and preferred to stay focused on business. Returning to Pemberley gave him something to look forward to. He had been absent too long from his sister and wished to be back in the comfort of the country before winter arrived. His days were long, most evenings spent awake and in his study or the library. When he found sleep, he was still restless and woke more exhausted than the night before. However with every day, it grew more and more bearable. Some nights weren't as agonizing as others. There was comfort in knowing he had done everything in his power to right all his wrongs. He was pleased to receive a letter from Bingley announcing his engagement to Jane Bennet, and felt it an aid in moving forward with peace.
On this tenth night, Darcy chose the library for his seclusion. He poured himself half of a glass of wine, and after searching the room in much confusion, he found his book put away in the back of the room - he gathered a servant must not have known to leave it where it lay. Hardly having sat down before the fire, all tranquility dissolved by rising voices echoing through the house. The door to the library opened and a footman slipped in; Darcy had heard his aunt unmistakably as she ascended and he scoffed in frustration.
"Forgive me, sir, she would not wait-"
"It is no matter," Darcy assured the stammering young man. "You need not ask forgiveness for my aunt's behavior. Retire for the night, she will escort herself out when she is through." The footman bowed and escaped as Lady Catherine stormed into the room. Her face was white with rage and her eyes seemed to bulge from her skull. She was clearly trying to catch her breath between exclamations, though her anger would not allow her to be silent for one moment.
"Of all the women your name could be tied to, Darcy!" She wailed. "You shall not have any association with that insolent girl if you know what is better for you!"
"Be clear, aunt," Darcy replied with little patience. "I know not of whom you speak." That only seemed to infuriate the lady further.
"You feign ignorance, just as Miss Bennet had; I would never have thought you to be so foolish!" Darcy felt as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
"Miss Bennet?" He asked incredulously. "What is this about?"
"I tell you again, nephew, do not pretend to be ignorant of these rumors!"
"What rumors?" He demanded. Lady Catherine was near him now, her narrow stare intent on threatening him.
"You have asked for Miss Bennet's hand when you have been promised to my daughter since your birth," she sneered. "I could not believe you capable of such deceit - it scorns the wishes of my dear sister!" His patience was indeed being tried; the mention of his aunt's futile insistence that he marry his cousin, and to sink him further, it relapsed him into the depth of loss he felt without Elizabeth.
"If you have been to Longbourn and have seen Miss Bennet, then she will have disproved any rumors of an understanding between us," he responded monotonously.
"Indeed, she denied the gossip with such reluctance and paid me no respect! The impertinence of that girl, refusing to oblige me!" Lady Catherine began to move agitatedly about the room and as her temper mounted, she trembled with anger - her bulging eyes, sharp movements, and the quivering feathers on her bonnet resembled her to some menacing bird. The exclamation that Elizabeth would not oblige her perplexed Darcy. If his aunt had desired Elizabeth's contradiction, obviously she would have received the answer she was looking for.
"The rumors were contradicted, she obliged what you asked of her."
"I know her to have mercenary designs on you!" The lady contradicted. At this, Darcy scoffed with a wry grin. If only Lady Catherine knew... "Miss Bennet said herself that your wife would have extraordinary sources of happiness attached to her situation when I insisted she would not be accepted in our society." Though his aunt believed Elizabeth had referenced his wealth, Darcy knew she would not connect happiness with fortune. It was a fool's errand to convince him otherwise. "She denied me an answer when I inquired if you had made an offer to her," Lady Catherine continued with a scowl, "and when I demanded she promise never to enter into an engagement with you, she refused and dismissed me with the utmost disrespect I have ever -"
"What did you say?" Darcy halted her.
"I shall not be interrupted, nephew!" She stamped her cane in aggravation. Darcy ignored her unbecoming tantrum.
"She would not promise to refuse me?" His heart had dropped; just as he was beginning to let go, that taunting pang of hope flamed in his chest. Though she behaved with the utmost civility, Elizabeth was direct. Darcy knew her well enough to know she would speak her mind whether or not it pleased others, and it would be nothing to her to accept such a promise if she truly was decided against him. After all, she had not hesitated to upbraid him to his face... In a moment, his mind was racing. His aunt's wails and complaints were drowned out as he organized his thoughts, making preparations to depart for Hertfordshire his only focus.
"Are you hearing me, Darcy? I demand the truth!" Lady Catherine's voice had finally reached him. With a private smile, he turned back to his chair to reach for his untouched wine and swallowed the contents.
"As I have said before, Lady Catherine; the rumors have been contradicted. You have confirmed the falsehood. There is nothing for me to say." He began to move to the door. "It is getting quite late, aunt. I shall be retiring soon." Lady Catherine huffed at such a dismissal; even so, she followed him. She made a point of warning him that she had yet to be satisfied and that on the morrow, she would know all. Darcy indulged her, nodding and giving her assurances - of which he would not follow through - to entertain her at a more reasonable and convenient hour. Though she continued to reiterate her complaints, Darcy remained deaf to her piercing tones, retreating back up the stairs even as she went on.
He strode directly to his study; the first priority was hastily writing out express notes to be sent out the next morning, one addressed to Bingley. Darcy was sure that after securing Miss Bennet's hand, his friend would feel more inclined to allow him to return to Netherfield. All business could be dealt with through post, that was no question. He would take this last risk, this one last instinct that insisted: Her answer to Lady Catherine's demand is incentive enough to seek her out. There was no debate; go or lose what could be his last chance.
-:-
"Darcy, are you quite well?" Bingley asked as they rode side by side. "You seem a little more pensive than usual." It was said in some jest, though Darcy knew it had some validity. He had not slept one blink, the ache of anticipation was too great to tame. Nonetheless, he began the day alert and determined - his focus was Elizabeth, how soon he could speak with her, and how he would approach her with every intent of being as direct with her as she was with him. Breakfast had hardly finished when Bingley declared it a beautiful day and suggested at once that they ride to Longbourn.
"I confess I passed a sleepless night," Darcy replied to his friend, "though I assure you that I am well." Bingley was smiling - the grin had been plastered on his face since they met at breakfast. Darcy conjectured he had not stopped smiling since Miss Bennet's acceptance.
"Some fresh air will do you some good," Bingley recommended. "It would be a shame not to walk with the ladies in such perfect weather." Darcy only nodded; they had reached Longbourn's drive. As they neared the house, he could not help his eyes straying to the windows. He swallowed hard, suppressing the underlying dread that always made him doubt. But there was no room for doubt today, no time for hesitancy. He would not rob himself of this opportunity. The gentlemen's horses were tended to as they approached and descended. Removing their hats and gloves upon entering the house they were brought directly to the sitting room where the five Bennet ladies sat.
As Darcy straightened from his bow, he watched as Elizabeth looked up, the sun shining through the window behind her, engulfing her in its rays. She met his gaze directly and he could see that her eyes had regained their fire, whatever sense of anxiety he had sensed in their last encounters had vanished. All that followed the gentlemen's entrance was lost on him and his attention was only brought to the rest of the room when Bingley suggested they all walk out. It was only Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth and Miss Kitty who joined the gentlemen in the end and they left the room to retrieve their outerwear. Bingley's aim in recommending their walk was obviously to be alone with Miss Bennet, which left Miss Kitty to possibly prevent any opportunity for Darcy to confront Elizabeth. He resolved that if the right moment was not meant for that day, he would return every day until he gained the chance.
They started down the road and as expected, Bingley and Miss Bennet fell farther and farther behind, making their way quite leisurely as the other three continued ahead. They were deathly silent, Darcy's mind whirling at Elizabeth's proximity. He suppressed his frustration at Miss Kitty's presence, though the poor girl could not help having no excuse not to accept Bingley's general invitation. He would not let the prevention interfere with determining his approach. However, they had not been long walking before Miss Kitty had asked if they might walk toward the Lucases to call on Miss Maria. Elizabeth replied - to Darcy's great delight and relief - that she felt no concern to make a call, but encouraged her sister to do so. When they came upon the split in the lane, Miss Kitty eagerly scampered away from Darcy and Elizabeth, leaving them to the privacy he hoped for. Darcy looked behind them to find that Bingley and Miss Bennet had taken a different path, and turning back to Elizabeth with his resolution on the tip of his tongue, the long-last atonement to his burning anticipation finally upon him -
"Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature," she started suddenly. "I can no longer help thanking you for your kindness to my sister. Ever since I have known of it, I have been most anxious to tell you how grateful I am. Were it known to the rest of my family, they would offer their gratitude as well." Darcy's heart sank. It was exactly what he had wished to prevent. She did not owe him gratitude, he did not wish for it; what he had done, he did to make right and ensure that her family suffered no degradation at his hands.
"I am sorry you heard of it," he said with some surprise. "I had not thought Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted."
"You must not blame my aunt." Her hands wrung together. "It was Lydia's thoughtlessness that betrayed your involvement. Naturally, I could not rest until I knew all the particulars. I must thank you again, sir, on behalf of my family for your having taken so much trouble -"
"If you will thank me," he stopped her, "let it be for yourself alone. As much as I respect your family, I believe I only thought of you." Elizabeth blushed furiously as she looked away. Darcy caught her chin with the lightest touch and bade she look at him. His boldness startled them both, nonetheless, Darcy added, "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever." It came from his heart, begging and pleading for mercy, calling out to her in desperation, Take me or reject me, please release me from this. Look at me in the eye and release me.
"No, do not be silent," she rushed, not quite able to meet his eyes. Darcy held his breath. "Mr. Darcy, I - I cannot express how ashamed I am of what I said then - to have treated you so abominably, and that you should love me still... You must know - I must tell you how ardently I love you in return." She exhaled with finality, tears of joy filling her eyes and her shoulders trembling with light laughter. There were no words to express the depth of emotion Darcy felt in that moment. So moved was he that he took her hands in his and leaning in, he asked passionately, "Truly, Elizabeth?" She could only nod assuringly, unable to form words as she beamed. At once, Darcy was struck with the force of his happiness, the warmth of it flooding his being, bathed in the balm of her declaration. He joined her in breathless laughter spurred by overwhelming relief.
"I do not believe I have ever felt such happiness," Darcy professed. "There is nothing I will not do to remain deserving of you, for you are more dear to me now than I could have imagined." They stood quite close together, and though Elizabeth was still unable to meet his gaze, she held his hands with firm assurance, intermittent tears running gently down her cheeks. Darcy wiped one away, the sweep of his thump soft against her skin. How he had longed to caress that very cheek, to hear those beautiful words fall tenderly from her lips. Months of torment were now realized in true form before him; he had never felt so free. At long last, she looked up and slowly lifted her hand to cover his as he cradled her face.
Darcy knew not how long they stood in that manner, Elizabeth's cheek resting in his palm, his head bent close to her's. It was some time before they turned - unable to stop themselves beaming at one another - to continue along their path, Darcy wrapping her arm around his own. He would hold her near as much as was in his power.
"How could I be blessed with such serendipity?" Elizabeth began after some moments of companionable silence. "I had not thought you would return to Hertfordshire."
"My aunt told me of her meeting with you," Darcy replied. "I daresay she had done the opposite of what she had intended and taught me to hope as I had scarcely allowed myself to hope before. I had to return, knowing enough of your disposition to be certain that had you been absolutely decided against me, you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine, frankly and openly." Elizabeth blushed with a chuckle.
"Yes, you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that." She was teasing him bashfully. Darcy insisted she had said nothing of him that he did not deserve the previous spring, that her words humbled and tortured him. They spoke of his letter (she accepted his wish that she destroy it), and she admitted that her prejudices had fallen away gradually after having read it. He explained his embarrassment of the bitterness that he felt he had expressed. It was she who showed him his arrogance, she who made him realize his selfishness and autocratic demeanor to those who were not in his most intimate circle, she who humbled him properly and inspired him. In his passionate address, he declared her "dearest, loveliest Elizabeth" and watched as her blush deepened. Speaking to her so openly and watching as she smiled up at him, his contentment increased tenfold.
They had been talking of their meeting at Pemberley when they both considered to check their watches, having walked some miles in no particular direction. Upon seeing the hour, they determined they had better return to Longbourn directly. Approaching the house, their arms fell to their sides, both regretting the end of their solitude. Darcy briefly took her hand as they entered the hall, his thumb smoothing over her skin, and with one last look of admiration exchanged, they parted.