Chapter 55
The week following the attempted kidnapping felt agonizingly slow to Sokka. They had decided it wasn't safe to stay in the lower ring anymore and had moved up their departure. He knew that he, along with Toph, his sister, Zuko and now Azula, would be one of the first groups to leave and he could not wait to escape the stifling palace walls. As repetitive as the labor work he had done for the last year was, he missed the freedom it afforded him. Living in the lower ring with his friends and family had been a welcome normalcy after two years of war. Being stuck in the now overcrowded Palace with so many anxious people on the eve of battle was doing him in.
Zuko was more brooding than normal after he'd had a chance to talk to his sister and both he and Katara had been extra annoyingly protective of Kya. He couldn't really blame them for that, but it wasn't just them. Everyone seemed to be on edge. In his opinion, not that anyone asked for it, there was way too much emotional drama in one place. Thankfully, there was ample opportunity to blow off steam. There was always someone to spar with and the Sokka spent hours doing just that. He also spent his lunches with Azula. Fighting together against the Dai Lee had forged a bond between them and he found her decided lack of obvious anxiety made for enjoyable company. She never had much to talk about, more or less bed ridden as she was, but she listened to him talk.
Three days after they had dealt with the Dai Lee, they had had another White Lotus meeting. They had decided to move up their timeline a week and several Earth Kingdom members had left the city that day. A special force of earthbenders Toph had taught to metal bend would be infiltrating some of the lower security Fire Nation prisons in the colonies to free captured soldiers and other allies. Sokka had been only mildly surprised to hear that his father had sent a runner south to Kyoshi Island after the last meeting to share their plans with Suki and her warriors. He had returned only the day before with word that the Kyoshi warriors would meet them on the coast before they began their invasion.
It had been more than a year since Sokka had seen Suki and he had mixed feelings about seeing her again. They had parted ways amicably and it would be good to see her. He just hoped it wouldn't be awkward. Sokka hadn't really 'dated' anyone since Omashu, but neither had he found that living in a forigen city kept him from living as most unmarried people of his tribe did. There were many single young women in the lower ring whose company he had found diverting, but there hadn't been anyone special. He had imagined once or twice that if Toph were a couple years older… But no, they were friends and the younger girl had never really expressed any interest, no matter how pretty she was becoming.
For some reason he couldn't name, a few days later he had found himself discussing his love life with Azula of all people. It hadn't started that way, he had began by sharing a general estimation of their numbers and allies over lunch. When he had mentioned the Kyoshi warriors, Azula had remembered Suki and that they had been in a relationship and asked after her. He had ended up telling her all about their break up and that had led to a conversation about his plans for his future. Really more his decided lack of plans, but either way it had been the longest lunch he had ever had. Afterwords, as he searched for his father, he wondered what had possessed him to have such a personal conversation with Azula. It was truly a bizarre twist that his one time enemy was such a good listener.
Later that same day and after a fruitless search for Hakoda, Sokka found Toph giving a last minute metal bending lesson. The group of benders that would be liberating prisons were, thanks to Toph, elite benders. Twenty men and women who had been able to master her new technique and although she might not say so outright, Sokka knew Toph was proud. Sokka leaned against the courtyard wall and watched them. Toph's hands were clasped behind her back as she walked among her benders, feeling their skill as they moved through the drill.
"Hey Snoozles, don't you have better things to do than hold up walls?"
Sokka laughed and shook his head. He smirked as Toph dismissed the other earthbenders and sauntered over to him.
"As it so happens, I do not. Everything I needed to do before we leave is done and I've already had a good spar this morning. I was looking for dad but I guess he's busy."
"Oh ya, I saw Hakoda earlier. He was headed to the lower ring with Bato to check in one last time with the people from your tribe that are staying behind. Our group is leaving in the morning, I'm sure you'll see him before we go."Hands on his hips, Sokka fell instep besideToph. "My little badgermoles are heading out when we do, they're going to kick some Fire Nation butt."
Sokka laughed again. "Ya, they're pretty impressive thanks to you, if my humble nonbender opinion matters at all." Toph punched his arm and smirked beneath her fringe. "You really have done an amazing job with them Toph. Have you thought about what you'll do after we're done with all this fighting?"
Toph grinned. "Ya, I think I'll keep doing this. I'll open a school and teach metal bending and maybe even my special brand of sight." Her smile dropped for a moment and she grew serious. "We have to make it through the next couple of months first though. As much confidence as I have in our plan, I'm not naive enough to think we won't have any casualties. We got lucky the last time we invaded the capital. They took prisoners and we all got away. There won't be an eclipse or any prisoner taking this time. By the time we get there Ozai will be backed into a corner and that's when people are most dangerous."
They walked in silence for a while after that, both thinking about the battles ahead. Deciding he had had enough seriousness, Sokka changed the subject.
"So, what do you think about Azula coming with us? That'll be weird right?"
Toph turned toward him with a raised brow. "Ya I guess, no more weird than when ole Sparky joined the team. I thought you two were friends now? You're the one that sprung her loose and you do hang out with her every day."
Feeling a faint blush creep up his face, Sokka had never been more thankful that Toph was blind. When she smirked again, he realized his heartbeat must have given him away. Stupid feet-sight. Why would thinking about Azula affect him like that anyway? He barely liked her.
"Ya, so she's alright. As long as she isn't secretly planning to betray us when we get to the Fire Nation capital it'll be fine I guess." Thinking back to their conversation that afternoon he smiled. "It's weird how easy she is to talk to. She's a good listener. There's no dramatic mothering like when you talk to Katara, or sage opinions like talking to dad or Iroh. It's kind of like talking to you actually. Just, easy." After a brief pause, he realized how that must have sounded. "Not that I like talking to her more than you or Katara… I mean… Weird, right?" He laughed a little too loudly as he walked around the corner into the palace kitchens, hoping Toph would let the subject drop with the promise of food.
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It had been only somewhat surprising that Sokka continued to spend his free time with her. Azula knew they were all preparing to leave for the Fire Nation and the atmosphere was likely rather tense. He had stopped by to chat a few times before Kya had been taken but the daily conversations over lunch together were… nice. Loathe as she was to admit to an emotional weakness, even if only to herself, she found that she had been extremely lonely. She was still weak and hadn't been out of bed for more than her morning meditation so his regular company was appreciated.
That day their conversation had taken a decidedly personal turn and Azula had done her best to keep up emotionally. When he mentioned the Kyoshi warriors she had remembered Suki and how important she had seemed to him. A wistful look crossed his face briefly before he smiled and launched into a long story about why their relationship hadn't worked out and what his plans for the future were. It was almost too much for her but somehow she had managed to say the right things. Sokka had left their lunch in a better, if subdued, mood than he had arrived. Azula had felt the need to meditate the moment he had left her room.
She hadn't gotten the chance though. Not five minutes after Sokka had left, someone else had knocked on her door. Sighing in irritation at the interruption, Azula had bid whomever it was to enter without bothering to move from her spot on the floor. A soft chuckle she recognized too well, considering how long it had been since she'd properly seen her uncle under peaceful circumstances, had her opening her eyes and biting her lip in uncharacteristic apprehension.
"Azula, I see you have finally taken my advice after all these years." When she started to rise, he held up a hand to stop her. "Please, don't let me interrupt. If it's alright with you, I could do with a bit of meditation myself."
Still looking a bit wary, Azula nodded slowly at her uncle as she watched him walk around the room to join her on the floor. Not until he was seated beside her, legs folded and eyes closed, did she relax at all. She watched the flame on the small yellow candle he had produced grow and shrink in time with his breaths. Iroh was thinner than she remembered him being, stronger despite his age. Remembering that he was once greatly revered as a powerful master bender, Azula wondered if she would even stand a chance if he decided she wasn't worth the risk. No, if she was honest with herself she doubted she would have been able to truly defeat him even at her best. As it was, she stood a better chance of surviving a fall from one of her windows.
"You know Azula, one is meant to clear their minds when meditating. I can hear your thoughts, whirring around your head from here. Tell me, what has you suddenly so distracted?"
Starting at his voice after so many minutes of silence, Azula gazed down at her own candle as she tried to think of what to say. The flame had gone out and she hadn't even noticed. Chancing a glance at her uncle again, she let out a small sigh of relief to see that he hadn't opened his eyes. Straightening her back, she relit her candle and closed her own eyes before speaking.
"If you must know, there are many things currently inhibiting my concentration. Foremost being my curiosity as to why you are here." After a brief hesitation, she continued. "Also, I was wondering what I should do if you had decided it was too risky after all to keep me with you and had come to kill me."
Another soft chuckle came from the older man beside her at her confession.
"Surely you do not think it would be easy for me to defeat you. I have fought you before you remember, you are quite powerful for one so young." Keeping her eyes closed in an attempt to ease her discomfort, Azula did not see the sidelong glance Iroh gave her, inspecting her for signs of dishonesty and finding none.
"I have been… That is to say…" She huffed in frustration. Admitting this weakness, this personal failing, had been painful when it had only been a realization to herself. Sharing this with anyone, particularly her own family, was proving as difficult as she had anticipated.
"Even since Yun Sui unblocked my chi and gave me back my bending, it's been off." Completely giving up the pretense of meditation, Azula opened her eyes and stood from her spot beside Iroh. She wrapped her arms around herself and faced the window, silently glaring out at the city for several minutes before she bringing herself to speak again. "I can't bend lightning. No matter how many times I tried as I traveled here from the care home, it just keeps blowing up in my face. It used to be as easy as anything but now… It's worse than that though. While it's still blue, my fire is not nearly as hot or powerful as it once was. I think Sokka was more responsible for holding back the Dai Lee than anything I managed."
When she paused again, Iroh spoke.
"Yes, Sokka is quite a mighty warrior despite his not being a bender. Both of you are quite lucky to have survived as long as you did though. As I'm sure you know, the Dai Lee are quite powerful and it was five to two. Tell me Azula, what does it feel like when you bend. Inside, in your gut, why do you feel you are struggling now when all your life you have been a prodigious bender?"
When they had been in the tunnels, fighting for their lives as well as Kya's, Azula had felt so desperate. It had taken everything she had had to fight off the earthbenders. Inside she had felt as though all of her chi, all of her power, was being choked off. The adrenaline and panic of the moment had only made it worse. Other times, like when she had been alone as she traveled from Omashu, it had been as though her fire was confused. On a basic level, she understood. The thoughts and feelings that she had always used to fuel her fire were gone and what was left was weak and conflicted. Any idea of how to fix this was completely beyond her.
She explained it to her uncle as best as she could, her shame at the admission causing her words to falter more than once. He had worn a knowing look when she finally faced him again and smiled to himself as he stood. Crossing to her, Iroh put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.
"The last year and a half has changed nearly everything about you. Your allegiances, your feelings about your family, about yourself. Our fire comes from within, Azula. Everything inside of you is different and still jumbled. It will take time for you to be as strong as you once were. It is good that you are meditating. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to train with me while we travel as I once trained your brother. You will have to relearn your connection with the fire inside yourself and it will not be easy. I have faith in you though, my niece."
He smiled at her then, a genuine smile and it took everything Azula had not to cry. A few tears did slip free when he pulled her into an embrace. Willing her eyes to dry, Azula allowed herself to relish the happiness the brief affection brought her.