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Carl POV

"Hold. Hold on, hold onto me, cuz' I'm a little unsteady. A little unsteady." - Unsteady, X Ambassadors

I sat there, staring at the papers on the table in front of me. Long division. God, I hated long division. And, I didn't get why I had to do it! It was the apocalypse! The dead were walking, and my mom was worried about my math skills?

I knew she only wanted me to learn it as a distraction. She wanted to keep me hidden, to keep me in the dark, to shield me from all the horrors of the world, but it was useless. I wasn't innocent anymore. I knew what I had to know, I will do what I have to do if the time comes. No amount of math in the world is going to distract me from all the hell going on around me.

I groaned again, slamming my pencil down on the picnic table. "Stupid math!" I groaned.

"You okay?" A voice said behind me. I turned and saw Nicole smiling a little at me.

"Yeah. I hate math." I grimaced, scooting over on the seat. She plopped down next to me, examining the worksheet. Nicole had been a biology major before this all happened. I knew she loved math. I looked at her face and I frowned when I noticed that her right cheek was red and swollen, where Shane had hit her. I reached a hand out and touched her cheek gently. She winced a little, but didn't look at me. Instead, she continued to look at the problems. "I'm sorry about that." I said.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She looked at me abruptly.

"Shane's been so….different lately. I don't know why, but he's been taking it out on you." I said glumly. "I'm sorry for that."

She waved her hand. "It's fine. Shane's just been under a lot of stress. Who isn't? He feels like he has to be responsible for everyone in the group, even though he isn't." She smiled at me, then added, "And he didn't mean to hit me. He was emotional, stressed. He just lashed out. Don't worry. It's nothing I can't handle." She shimmied her shoulders in a silly way.

I rolled my eyes. Classic Nicole, always making light of the situation. I looked back at my math and groaned once more.

"Oh Carl." It was Nicole's turn to roll her eyes. "It's not that bad. You just…" and for the next ten minutes, she helped finish my work. Of course, I would never tell my mom that she helped me. She wanted me to do it all by myself, but at this point, I just wanted to get it done more than anything else.

"Thanks for the help." I smiled when we finished the last question. I folded up the paper and put in my backpack. She smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. "You wanna eat something? I'm starving!"

"I thought you'd never ask!" She grinned like crazy and stood up, sliding off the seat. I followed her up and we began to walk towards the campsite together. We walked in comfortable silence, until a thought crossed my mind, and I had to ask.

"Do you think Sophia's dead?" She stopped at my abruptness.

"What?"

"Do you think she's dead? Shane does. He said it earlier. What about you?" I stared up at her, and she thought for a moment.

"I don't honestly know Carl, and that's the truth." She said honestly. "I came here after she got lost. I don't know her. I don't know how she is, where she got lost, how strong she is. I hope she's still alive. I really do hope so. I'd love to meet her." She offered me a small smile, and I returned.

"Do you believe in heaven Cole?" She looked at me surprised. She hadn't been expecting that to come out of my mouth.

"Yes." She nodded. "Yes I do. I believe in heaven. What about you?" She looked down at me.

"I don't know anymore." I sighed, looking down. We kept walking, not talking anymore. I loved talking to Cole. She was always honest with me. She didn't try and shield me or baby me like my mom did. She was straight with me. Cole was like my big sister. She went to all my little league games when I was young. She drove me from place to place. She took me to school every morning. I loved her.

As we walked over the hill, we were surprised to see that the camp was deserted. Dirty dishes were lying around, left haphazardly on the ground. The fire was still glowing.

"Where is everybody?" I asked aloud.

"I'm not…" she was cut off by yelling. It was coming from near the barn.

"Rick!" It was Shane yelling.

All the color drained from Nicole's face. "Oh shit." She pulled her axe out of the strap and started running. The yells were coming from near the barn. My mind was raising. This couldn't be good.

As we neared the barn, I could see what was happening. My dad was with Hershel and Jeremy, holding a walker at bay, keeping it still with a rope around its neck. The rope was connected to a pole in in my dad's hands. Shane was standing in front of them, his gun pointed at the walker, screaming at them. My dad helped them catch a walker. I thought. He's helping put it in the barn. I didn't know if I was upset or angry or happy about that. My mad was going too fast to know.

Nicole and I kept running, joining all the other residents of the farm in watching all the drama go down. As soon as we stopped, my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me behind her. I grumbled silently, but didn't do anything. Now was not the time.

"What the hell Rick?! It's not sick! It's not a person. It's a walker. It's a monster!" Shane screamed, waving his gun. I cringed at the fury in his tone.

"Now just a minute Shane. This is Hersh-"

"No!" Shane screeched. "No it's not a human. It's not." Then, he shot the walker in the chest.

"Shane!" Nicole yelled, stepping forward. Daryl and T-Dog stepped forward as well, weapons in hand.

"Shane!" My mom screamed, holding my arm tightly in her hand.

"If it were human, would it be able to survive that?" Shane said wildly. He shot it twice more, adding two more bullet wounds in its chest. "If it were human, how is it able to keep going? It's not human!" He shot it once more for effect. The walker struggled in my dad's grip.

"Enough Shane!" Nicole screamed. He stopped and look at his sister.

"You're right Nikki. This is enough." Then, he charged and shot the walker in the head, having it crumple in my dad's grip.

"No!" The screams came from Nicole, Beth, and Maggie.

"Shane! Stop it!" My dad yelled forcefully, still holding the pole. Shane ignored them, and he ran towards the barn. Quickly, he shot the lock on the door, causing it to break. We all held our breath as we waited for the first walker to come out. Hershel was on the ground, silent and emotionless, staring at the ground.

The first walker pushed through the doors slowly, and Shane killed it with one swift gunshot. Quickly, more walkers began to pile out, and Shane took them down, but there began to be too many for him to handle. I knew that that barn was full. We would be overrun soon. The others seemed to sense this too, because Daryl, T-Dog, Andrea, Glenn, and Nicole pulled out their weapons and began to take the monsters down. Guys we're flying, gunshots were ringing. I wanted to go in and help, but my mom held me back, frozen in terror.

Finally, after a minute of non-stop gunfire, they finally stopped. No more walkers were left standing. They all laid there in a mangled heap on the ground. Beth screamed and ran forward, clutching the body of a walker.

"No. No. No." she sobbed. "No."

I shot a look at Nicole. Her mom. She mouthed to me. My heart instantly broke for the girl. She had just lost her mother. Sure, her mother had been gone for months now, but she had finally realized it. I felt bad for her. I didn't want to know what it would be like to lose my mother. Everyone stood there in a stupor, stunned by what just happened. Hershel just sat their, staring at the ground, silent.

Suddenly, a loud growl came from inside the barn. We all stood up straight. Everyone gripped their guns and turned towards the barn as one hand clawed its way between the doors. Then another. We held our breath as the last walker stumbled out of the barn.

"No!" Carol screamed

I lurched forward and fell onto my knees. He walker had short, blonde hair and wore a blue t-shirt. Sophia. It was Sophia. I could feel my mom grab my shoulder, but I tuned the world out. Everything was going fuzzy. Sophia. She was a walker. I couldn't hear anything anymore.

Daryl grabbed Carol's arms and held her back as she tried to run to her daughter….no. The walker that used to be her daughter.

As the walker crept forward, everyone stepped back. We all knew what had to be done, but none of us wanted to do it. Nicole looked distant, but she seemed to know what was happening. My dad stepped forward, his gun cocked. I could see his hands trembling. His lips were moving, but I couldn't hear anything.

All of the sudden, Nicole stepped forward, towards my dad. Gently, she put a hand on my dad's shoulder. Gingerly, she took the gun out of his hand. She aimed it at the walker's head carefully.

I tuned back into the world just for one moment, to hear Nicole say "I'm so sorry."

And then she pulled the trigger. The walker fell on its back, bits of its brain flying every which way. I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach. Everyone else looked that way too.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me onto my feet. I stood up, but I didn't follow them back. I went forward, towards the barn. Carol was still screaming and Daryl held her in his arms as sobs racked her frail body. This surprised me, that Daryl was comforting her. He tried so hard to stay away from the rest of the group. Maybe he really did like us. My dad and Shane were standing there, staring at the corpses in front of us. The other were scattered around, looking away from the gruesome sight. The Greenes were sobbing, surrounding Beth, who was still cradling her mom's body. Nicole was in the middle of the group, on her knees by walker Sophia's body. I stumbled towards her. The person behind me tried to pull me back, but I shook them off and continued forward.

I fell to my knees beside Cole. I could see tears falling silently down her face. I didn't know why she was crying. Nicole never cried. Never. Why was she crying for some girl she didn't know?

"Carl." My mom called behind me. "Come with me. Get away from there." I ignored her, staring at the walker's body. "Carl." My mom said sternly.

"No." I retorted.

"No?" She seemed shocked at my refusal. "Come on Carl. They need to deal with the bodies."

I shook my head. "I said no." I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here, with Nicole, by Sophia's side. She was dead. I didn't know her well, but deserved a better death than this. She deserved better than a shot in the head and having all of us leave her.

"What?" My mom hissed. "What did you just say?"

"He said no Lori." Nicole said forcefully, looking up at my mom. "Jut let the boy grieve. God."

"You can't talk to me that way." my mom lashed out, stepping towards us.

"Shut up Lori." Nicole sniffed.

"Don't tell me how to raise my son." She huffed. "Come on Carl. Let's go."

"I'm staying with Nicole." I snapped, still not looking up.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm grieving. I'm mourning. Let me be sad for the loss of my friend. God, just leave me alone for a minute." My mom was silent. I never lashed out like this, but the combination of Sophia's death and Shane's outburst was too much. My mom walked right up to us, her nostrils flared. I don't know why she was so mad, but she was really pissed of now.

"Fine." She spat. Then she turned to Nicole. "This is all your fault. You make him think that he's some superhero, walker-killer. And he's not. He's just a kid! Stop forcing this world on him."

"He needs to be in this world Lori!" Nicole said, standing. Tears were still dripping down her cheeks. "You can't keep him in the dark. You can't protect him all the time. Some day, he won't have anyone beside him, and he won't know how to defend himself because his mommy was too scared to teach him how to defend himself!"

Smack! My mom's hand connected with Nicole's already swollen cheek. Nicole took it like she did earlier with Shane, with no emotion or reaction.

"How dare you insult my parenting style!" My mom hissed. "Not like you had the best example, what, with your doomsday-prepped, drug addict mother and your alcoholic, abusive father. Yeah. You sure do know a lot about parenting."

I looked up at her, horrified. How dare she? My mom had just crossed the line. She had just used Nicole's terrible childhood against her, something I knew was a touchy subject.

"What the hell mom!" I yelled, standing. "Just leave us alone. Let us grieve!" I turned and ran away, towards the tent. I just wanted to be alone now.

What was wrong with everyone? Everyone was being cruel and hot-headed and crazy. Why were they all acting this way?

I felt the tears slip down my face. I knew that I would be crying for a while.

Why is this world so hard?

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